WHY DO CYBERPATHS PREY ON OTHERS?

(This is merely an attempt to answer the question "WHY did they do this?" This explanation is speculative & by no means final or complete. - EOPC)

excerpted from: "Why Do People Abuse?"


Understanding Abuse
People have difficulty understanding the motives of people who are involved in abuse. Why people choose to abuse other people is a common question.

Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. However, we can try to do our best to understand.

Why Do Cyberpaths Abuse?
The first question, "Why do people abuse other people?" has multiple answers. Some people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim". They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.

As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. And the anonymity and disinhibition the internet provides feeds that.

Besides, online - others are only objects, not real people.


Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.

Such abusers cannot or will not relate to other people as people, choosing instead to treat them as objects. In effect, they confuse people for things. They treat people as though they were there solely for their convenience and do not otherwise have an independent, important life. Far too easy to do online!

Abusers who treat people in this manner are very likely psychologically ill, incurably so. They may have an antisocial, sociopathic or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and addition (internet, sex, love & drama) issues on top of that!

Such cyberpaths may abuse via the net because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people's lives.

original article here

Online Dating Ruins Real Human Interactions

Of course 'human interactions' aren't the only things online dating destroys.

Good article on Online Dating, online relationships and objectification. - EOPC
by Jennifer Stull

The human race is lazy. If everything is not right there at our fingertips in this technologically-run world then we want nothing to do with it and cast it aside. Does this pathetic lifestyle work when it comes to dating? Some of you may be thinking, "How can dating have anything to do with technology other than finding a date on a website?" Well, go figure, some creepy organization created the "Red Light Center," which is online dating, but taken to the literal level.

The Red Light Center describes itself by saying, "The downturn of the economy is affecting Americans all over the country. Skyrocketing gas and food prices has lead many Americans to stay in and 'party' in virtual worlds, such as Red Light Center, that let you date, socialize and partake in risqué activities without even leaving your house. Red Light Center has seen a 400% traffic increase since last year, with users totaling more than 2 million."

The idea is that you, as a member of the Red Light Center, make an avatar that represents who you are, find another avatar that seems compatible, and then go on a cyber date. Has society really reached this low of a social level where we do not even go out with real people in the real world?

Is it really more preferable to sit behind the security blanket of a computer screen and hope that the other pathetic dateless fool on the other side might be attracted to your avatar?

That is sick!

Technology has obviously ruined all intimacy within society. At this rate we might as well date, get married, and live our lives over the computer so that we may all turn into mind-numbed, fat, technology-run robots. Where is the human connection in this? Where is the spark between two people? It is impossible to make a real connection with a computer cartoon over computer dinner and computer sex. This is no way to live. The excuse that dating is too expensive and that it saves time and money to go on dates online is a cop out. Meeting another human being for coffee will cost no more than seven dollars and meeting someone in general for conversation is absolutely free.

If this is what the human race is moving towards then I am ashamed. I feel as if the only thing technology could not take away from us is the ability to interact, to look someone in the eye and really hear what he or she is saying. But, if every ounce of human interaction can be done over a computer screen then the line between reality and fantasy will become more and more blurred. Yes, I will admit I do spend a lot of time on Facebook, e-mail, and other various online activities, but I would trade all of that for a day out, face-to-face with my friends. We cannot be dependent on technology to guide us through life, because when a human being and an avatar begin to represent the same thing, social customs as we know them could disappear forever.

SOURCE

TAKE YOUR CONTROL BACK!

STALKING YOUR STALKER

Are you, or someone you love, so damn frustrated by a stalker (or cyberpath) you just want to scream? Adding insult to injury most recommendations come in the form of things you must do. You, not the stalker, are advised to turn your world upside in hopes it might stop. Law enforcement tells you there is not enough to make an arrest. Nobody or nothing seems to help.

When you are at your wits end I suggest you stalk the stalker. No, I don’t mean literally go out and follow them around. Nor do I mean gather all their personal information you can get your hands on. What I do mean is learn as much as you can about them. You need to become your own expert on how they think.

Why? Your stalking will offer some relief in two ways. Your research will reveal you are not crazy and that you are just an object used for pleasure.

Let’s go inside the mind of one type of stalker, the psychopath. If you have trouble grasping it, don’t be surprised. Most of us do not think the same way.

I want to focus on the psychopath because they are extremely destructive with potential life ending consequences. We have no way of predicting if your stalker’s desire includes this possibility. All are not created equally.

Unless they come out and admit prior instances you are left in perilous fear of the prospect. In your own best interest keep a positive outlook.

For the purpose of this article I am going to assume your stalker is a psychopath.

Generally, most people’s behavior is constrained. We are not typically aware of it, but it happens just the same. It is this natural constraint that your stalker may lack. Without it, their game of life is played by totally different rules.

Consideration of their rules helps explain their actions and might translate into some predictability on your part. You did not volunteer for any of this, but you are in it just the same.

Believe it or not your stalker has the advantage right from the start. By the time you realize anything is going on they have your life down. Someway, somehow, somewhere you became an object they have a desire to play with. Why you are the chosen has no precise answer.

To ask why they don’t stop is easier to understand. Their unfettered actions will continue until they no longer have the object (you) available or they become interested in a new object (phew).

Obviously if you are able to build a case strong enough your stalker is off to prison for a while, the game is over or maybe just suspended. In the worst case scenario you do not live to tell about it, then the game is over.

The best outcome and one that you may have a slight influence over is transference of interest. This is when you are replaced. These individuals are predators and they will stalk their entire life. Some prey may never be aware of it until it is over. But in your case you are very aware.

The other way your stalker has an advantage over you is their actions are unfettered. You may have no appreciation of this fact. Get some advantage over the the situation and wrap your mind around the concept their actions are delivered to you without any feelings for you whatsoever. You may be dealing with them the same way your deal with anybody else. Big mistake.

How you feel about the way you are being treated makes no difference. To them you are like a soccer ball, kicked around for pleasure. Pleading with them does not compute.

Imagine you are out in a huge grassy meadow listening to your favorite music. Nobody is around. A song comes on you love. You jump up and start dancing like never before. No constraint, the music moves your body without a care in the world. The music is your motivator and your body is responding to a desire. Nobody is around to inhibit or constrain your actions. Try it sometime. You may dance like never before.

Most of us are inhibited by what others might think and constrained by not wanting to hurt another. If your stalker is a psychopath, then they are not.

Why they do not stop is because they are neither inhibited nor constrained. They do not have the ability to identify with your feelings. Remember how you feel in the meadow. Nobody is around to identify with so you feel free to move your body in accordance with your desire.

Your stalker lives in this meadow all the time. Only their meadow may be downtown New York City.

What about the fact they are living a normal life outside their stalking behavior. If you believe that you need to take yourself back to the meadow. Nothing is normal about their life. Getting along in a world that has different rules comes from learning and executing taught behavior. It is that simple.
When faced with something unique their true identity is revealed. If you know what to look for you will see it. Their response will be inappropriate, unless they get lucky.

Highly intelligent psychopaths are masters at this. What they learn as children is executed almost flawlessly as adults. Almost is the key word here. If you watch them long enough you will see repetitive inappropriate behavior.

Stalking is inappropriate behavior. If a stalker has a desire to stalk, they will pursue it irrespective of any attempts to teach them what is appropriate. Your telling them what they are doing is wrong is a waste of energy.

Research how the psychopath’s mind works.

Take back control of your life. Stalk Your Stalker ASAP.

SOURCE & OTHER ARTICLES - CLICK THIS

How Psychopaths View Their World

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough. The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth.


A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what they have. He is like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths can even very fond of animals (contrary to the common viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.

The psychopath is filled with greed inside, relating to the world through power, even though, as I said, on the outside he can claim to be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden. I knew one who liked to repeat phrases such as "they have to stop keeping my brothers down" but he didn't mean a word of it. He was actually a racist. The psychopath can also often identify himself as a revolutionary.

On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and some like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but emptiness and greed. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his behaviour is something that is often debated. I do believe that psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made." [1]

As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better. This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is also trying to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution. They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio- economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated from high school." [Black, 14]). (Let me add, despite Dr. Blacks' studies, psychopaths can still exist in any social class. Do not be misled).

I also wanted to point out that I will be using "he" and "him" for the term psychopath throughout this website; let it not be forgotten, yes, female psychopaths exist as well; however, according to the Sixth Edition of Abnormal Behavior, printed in 2000 by three male professors, David, Derald, and Stanley Sue, the rates do differ by gender. Included in their excellent text is a report by the The American Psychiatric Association that the general estimate is 3% for men, and less than 1% in women [Personality Disorders and Impulse Control Disorders, 238].

What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience, feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus wrong." [Black, XIII].

Not all psychopath are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy; my friend's mother once went on a double-date with him and claimed he was the nicest person. His mother said he was the "best son any mother could have." Bundy was also apparently quite good-looking, which made him even more dangerous. So not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional occupations.

Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them appear strange or odd, and their behaviour can be eccentric or unusual. I believe this is what can confuse victims most often. Psychopaths often appear [see pictures here]: intense and "electrifying". Do not be misled if someone appears harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat. An "angelic" visage can also often fool people. Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his "clown costume" as he entertained children as one example.

A psychopath (he was diagnosed anti-social) I knew used the harmless cover-up quite well. Everyone thought he was very funny. I did too, at first. Then, little by little, I realised there was something "not right" about him. At first his seemingly harmless pranks were charming, but after a while, he became more of a nuisance and disrupted our work environment, which created havoc and tension between employees. I've learned, a psychopath can use these disguises for his own hidden purpose.

Regardless of race, social class, or occupation, however, the psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..." [Black, 5].

There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.) Since the majority or them are men, I wrote this site in part, to warn women about the dangers, especially women online, which I believe is a favourite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths. I have personal experience with this subject as well. This is because "antisocials (psychopaths) are not just characters in our fictional or true-life entertainments. They are family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers we may encounter every day." [Black, 10].

Pamela Jayne, M.A., writes that "30% of men are sociopathic." If about every three out of ten men I may meet are psychopathic, I would assume this is not something to take lightly. According to these statistics, that would mean every three out of ten men and maybe every one out of ten females. The truth is, we do not really know exactly how many individuals are psychopathic; however, there seems to be a rise in the prevalence of psychopathy and that is why some claim that numbers are higher. Dr. Black claims that psychopathy leads right behind depression, along with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, which is an astounding fact.

The SEXUAL ADDICTION Affair

(note: Many CYBERPATHS are sex addicts who use the internet to hide their real purposes behind pretty words and promises. "I love you" seems to be their way into your bed. It is cheaper than a hooker or more fun to twist someone's emotions and then dump them because you view everyone as an OBJECT. Many of these Cyberpaths are narcissistic psychopaths who are emotionally vacant & immature to the point that many keep reliving the shallow come ons of their 'teen years' and 'being on the make' to prove their prowess and provide themselves with stimulation.)

Dr. Hare describes people he calls psychopaths as "intraspecies predators who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and [threats] to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs."

(SEE ALSO: "Don Juan as Psychopath")

Here is an article on this sort of "affair" - real or cyber - EOPC)

By: Dr. Robert Huizenga

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."

People can't say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are stuck and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the no. Please remember that all of us are grabbed by something and then find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity (or Cyberpathy) is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (internet porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, online affairs, email lists full of 'contacts', profiles full of fake information or membership on sites catering to dating, prostitutes and/ or those who frequent them, membership on sites for sexual liaisons, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of being found out, the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/ failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an acting out episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, I won't do it again. This will last... until the urge is acted upon again. The spouse/partner may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not right) of the roller coaster and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality sometimes confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to work that through in a marriage or extramarital affairs.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their addiction. They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a dual life. (Or be a Pathological Predator, such as a Cyberpath)

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love (even someone you know online), get some help for yourself before your world disintegrates further or falls apart.
------

There are many things in our culture that grab us and won't let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that's the case for you or your spouse/partner.

These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at the place of sex in your life.

1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with the wrong people?

2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?

3) Have I lost count of the number of sexual partners I've had in the past 3 years?

4) Do I have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, oral or genital STDS, etc.)? (condoms don't protect against everything. Viruses can be transmitted and live on the skin, in the mouth and so on for months and be transmitted to the spouse/ partner -- no matter how clean you think you are)

5) Do I feel uncomfortable about my masturbation, the fantasies I engage in, the props I use, and/or the places in which I do it?

6) Do I feel jaded, exhausted, cynical? Am I on the path to that?

7) Do I feel that my life is unmanageable because of my sexual behavior?

8) Do I have sex as a way to deal with or escape from life's problems? Do I feel entitled to sex? Do I feel as though I have earned sex?

9) Do I have a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity on my part?

10) Do I feel that my sexual life affects my spiritual life in a negative way?

ADDICTED TO ONLINE PORN

Experts fear rise in cybersex obsession
By Linda Carroll

With the explosion of pornographic sites on the Internet, some experts on sex and addiction are concerned that increasing numbers of unsuspecting users will become victims of an obsession that can ruin lives and relationships. While many people may be able to dabble in Net porn with no ill effects, some run the risk of developing a serious, and potentially dangerous, addiction to online erotica.

"MY SPECULATION, based on my work with other addictions, is that those with vulnerabilities may be swept into the Net - pun-intended - of compulsive sexual behavior," said Anna Rose Childress, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania’s Treatment Research Center in Philadelphia.

"There may be a hapless subgroup here who would not have managed to develop a compulsive pursuit of... sexual behavior because of [societal] constraints and inconveniences. The Internet erases most of these, and the vulnerable subgroup is then at the mercy of their hardwiring."

A recent MSNBC.com survey found that as many as 80 percent of visitors to sex sites were spending so much time tracking down erotica on the computer that they were putting their real-life relationships and/or jobs at risk. Until they discovered cybersex, most of these people had no problems with sexual addition, according to the survey’s author, Al Cooper, a sex therapist at the San Jose Marital Services and Sexuality Center in San Jose, Calif.

Sex researchers are beginning to see people who have lost control.

"I've seen enough individuals in my clinic who have gotten hooked [on sex] on the Web to know that this is a significant development," said Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. "I think this needs to be taken very seriously."

Bancroft and his colleagues plan a study to determine which people are most at risk of developing problems with online pornography.

BETTER SEX THROUGH ONLINE PORN?
But adult Web site owners play down the notion that there’s a problem.

Mark Kreloff, president and CEO of New Frontier Media, a Boulder, Colo., company that delivers adult content via the Internet, satellite and cable TV, defends Web pornography as educational, and says he doesn’t buy the concept of porn addiction.

"I think that aspect of our business is grossly blown out of proportion by people that don't like the business that we're in," Kreloff said. "I generally think that our programming leads to healthier sexual relationships. It certainly provides an educational base to people who are interested in their sexuality and the sexuality of people. I just really don’t find that it’s a real issue that we're facing."

Dr. Robert Hsiung agrees that there are healthy ways to use cybersex.

"I don't think that any involvement is bad," said Hsiung, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Chicago. "If a couple surfs together and it turns them on and helps their sex life, I don't see any problem with that."

ROAD TO ADDICTION
So how can simple pornography become addictive?

"Sexual stimuli can be very powerful," Childress said. "There's a strong, imperative 'must look!' quality to them, the byproduct of an evolutionary premium on reproduction. And humans are great lookers, by nature."

Add in the special features of the Web and you've got a problem, according to Childress. "Usually looking, and the pleasurable arousal that accompanies it, has some constraints," she explained. Laws against peeping through people's windows and the social discomfort felt by buyers of porn magazines and renters of hard-core videos constrain many people.

But the Internet reduces these constraints considerably, Childress said. “There are few external regulations,” she said. "[People think] 'Who am I hurting?' And there are limitless, intense, overwhelming images to match any fantasy, and, with interactive programs, [there are] cyber-people who wish to be looked upon, talked to or aroused. This up-front sexuality can be novel, seductive and euphorogenic.

"As with other addictions, there is likely a vulnerable subgroup who now find themselves having trouble putting on the brakes, and cybersex begins to take up more and more of their time. They crave it. They find it beginning to interfere with other activities and relationships and that it resists attempts to stop or cut down. These are the hallmarks of addiction."

While it's not clear who the vulnerable people are, Bancroft suspects that the people most likely to be sucked into an unhealthy relationship with cybersex have some other underlying psychological problem. They are using the Web to self-medicate negative feelings such as anxiety, stress or depression, he suggests. "This is a quick and easy way to feel better," Bancroft said. "But it's a rather transient treatment."

What should you do if you think someone has an unhealthy involvement with Net sex? “Try to be open and discuss it with him or her,” Bancroft suggests. “Get it out on the table so it becomes a shared issue and not something that's hidden away.”

Linda Carroll is a health and medical writer based in New Jersey whose work has appeared in Newsday, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit Free Press and the Los Angeles Times.MSNBC’s Mike Brunker contributed to this report.

MSNBC
Original article here

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.


Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


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Women are Warned Off of 'Casual Encounters' Sites

Almost all our cyberpaths (while claiming to be caring, upright and decent people) who conned for 'online love' used casual sex sites... much to the horror of their victims. When these predators don't get what they want on casual sex sites... they turn to luring, grooming and preying on normal, unwitting partners with proclamations of "love." BEWARE

Lonely Welsh women are turning to sordid internet sites to find no-strings thrills, Wales on Sunday can reveal.

The lovelorn browsers could become targets for stalkers and kidnappers, experts believe, as the so-called casual encounter forums could act as a magnet for dangerous predators.

Websites like craigslist host hundreds of ads from women and men looking for casual sex and who have grown tired of the traditional dating circuit.

But while their x-rated messages are almost guaranteed to attract a steamy response, safety gurus have warned that in a matter of minutes, vile cyber stalkers could have tracked down their home or office address.

Just a handful of responses received by a Wales on Sunday reporter revealed the worrying spectrum of offers being brokered online.

Just hours after posting the message: “Brunette, 27, seeks an older man for no-strings fun,” more than a dozen e-mails had flooded back – some touting trips abroad, meals out and stays in luxury resorts – all in exchange for a single night of no-strings sex.

One 27-year-old said he was willing to travel from London to Wales for a passionate fling with the “right” girl.

While another – a man who claimed to have blue eyes, light brown hair and dimples – asked: “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

“ I have reservations at Harrahs in Cherokee in the Smoky Mountains (North Carolina, America). I’m looking for someone to go with me and have some fun. I will get a ticket to get you there... my treat.”

Professor Andrew Blyth, an information security expert at the University of Glamorgan, told WoS that he was “not surprised” that men and women had now turned to the net to arrange casual hook-ups.

But he warned: “I think if you do it, you’re mad.

“It’s one thing to meet someone in a bar and later find that something similar happens. But in this setting, people can claim to be anything they want."

“On one level, everyone involved is a consenting adult, but what happened to using chat-up lines in bars?

“With just a postcode and a quick search of the electoral register you can very quickly, and easily, narrow down a person’s address. The people involved could become exposed to abuse, abduction or even blackmail."

“I think if you do this, you’re off your trolley.”

Earlier this year, 17-year-old Ashleigh Michelle Hall was discovered dead after meeting a stranger online.

Durham Police said that the bright Darlington teen had failed to return home one night during October.

The GCSE student’s body was found after a 32-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of driving offences.

Bosses at craigslist.co.uk declined to comment on any of the arrangements that were being made via the site.

But a quick browse on the platform’s page for Wales revealed a clutch of messages from users... all keen to arrange potentially dangerous liaisons over the internet.

Some had posted their home and work postcodes on the site, as well as a telephone number, descriptions of their appearance and even photographs for strangers to browse.

“Once you have got these details, people can certainly find out where you live,” Prof Blyth said. “Postcodes restrict a person’s address to a group of 20, perhaps a hundred houses at the most.

“This really opens up issues of cyber stalking, as what’s seen as a casual relationship by one could be misconstrued as the real long-lasting deal by another person.

“It would even be easy enough to blackmail – for two people to arrange to meet up at a hotel and for one of the pair to threaten to tell the other’s spouse.

“They would already have your picture, and a phone number.”

A spokeswoman from South Wales Police last night advised men and women not to meet up in person with any stranger they had met online.

“These people could be purporting to be someone they are not,” she said.

“On the internet, people can easily make false claims, omit important details, post outdated photographs or even use photos of other people claiming to be them.

“Women and men should consider their personal safety at all times, and refrain from putting themselves into a vulnerable position.”

Lovelorn men and women are keen to push the boundaries online, experts have claimed.

Just a few hours after WoS reporter JO HARRIS posted her message on the web, dozens of racy replies came flooding her way.

One read: “Your message got my attention! All I can say is that your post ‘looking for no-strings fun’ is perfect. I’m not married, but single and like it that way. I’m looking for someone who can give me that special feeling now and again. Then I can carry on with my week.”

Another, who claimed to be a novice user of casual encounter sites, replied: “If you’re stuck for NSA (no-strings attached) fun, I’m more than available.

“I can travel but can’t accommodate. I’d love to be able to come round.”

But the most responses were those that talked of trips abroad in exchange for a steamy affair.

A man, who described himself as fair, with light-brown hair, blue eyes and a goatee beard, wrote: “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

“I have reservations at Harrahs in Cherokee in Smoky Mountains (North Carolina, USA). I am looking for someone to go with me and have some fun. I will get a ticket to get you there... my treat.”

original article here

Surf Porn at Work? Get Fired.

By Howard Levitt

The Internet enables people to watch more pornography than ever before, even at work. However, despite its rising popularity, it hasn't become any more acceptable to the mainstream and is often part of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Bad taste makes the day go by faster. --Andy Warhol

When business was slow, Greg Backman, a supervisor at Maritime Paper Products, would surf sex sites on his office computer up to three hours a day. The company never complained Backman was gratifying himself instead of performing his job. Neither did any of the people he supervised. On the contrary, the company was satisfied with the job he was doing.

It kept giving him raises and excellent reviews. Backman must have truly been talented to get his work done while surfing the Web for sex for hours a day. The company, like many employers, had an "Acceptable Use Policy" for work computers. Surfing for sex sites wasn't one of them. At the same time, it was aware of Backman's habit.

Several years earlier, he was warned to stop watching pornography at work or he would be fired but no one ever followed through on the warning. His great ratings continued. The company finally pulled the plug when a woman from the company's Manager of Information Services complained. Her job was to monitor everyone's computer use which required her to look at the images on Backman's computer, most of which were explicit images of young women engaged in sex acts. She told the company she found the images highly offensive. Maritime immediately fired Backman.

The court sided with the company. Justice McLellan of the New Brunswick Queens Bench stated, by displaying sexual images on his work computer, Backman was sexually harassing the woman in Information Services. In law, Maritime had a duty to protect her. It could not permit Backman to surf pornographic sites at work if it meant female co-workers would see it and be offended. Besides, Backman was warned and knew the risk he was running.

The company did the right thing by firing Backman because he placed the company at risk to be sued by the woman in Information Services for allowing him to sexually harass her. The lessons for employers are clear:

- Pornography in the workplace is not harmless entertainment. If an employee views pornography on a work computer, the employer may have cause for termination.

- If other employees are, in the course of their job, forced to see another employee's pornography collection, it can lead to claims of sexual harassment.

- Employers should make it clear to all employees that work computers cannot be used to view pornography or any material that might offend other employees. This protects the employer from claims it permitted sexual harassment and strengthens the employer's hand in firing employees that refuse to stop.

Howard Levitt, counsel to Lang Michener LLP, is an employment lawyer who practises in eight provinces and is author of several texts, including The Law of Dismissal for Human Resources Professionals, recently released.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE POST HERE

Dan Jacoby Busted: Threats, Manipulation & Stealth Attacks

Oops!! Shades of Gridney/ Yidwithlid - whose lunchhour fun with high-price escorts was found on a various "sexual review" sites going back to 2000 (2 years PRIOR to his finding Target #1 and 4 years prior to Target #2. ) And btw - he never stopped seeing prostitutes DURING his predation on those women.

EOPC can easily bet ole Jacoby was on the sexforums prior to, during and since preying on this Victim and other women. Women online? Are FREE PORN to a cyberpath!! NOTHING MORE!

ALL cyberpaths try to erase their tracks and Jacoby is no different -- but as EOPC knows - NOTHING ever really disappears on the internet because we found it for both of them too! Jacoby is most probably still on sexforums and/or other casual, anonymous sex sites under a new nick - just like most of them.
Victim, like all our victims - makes a plea for truth and clarity. Like all our victims, she hasn't yet realized or fully taken in that she's dealing with a pathological man. Truth & clarity don't exist for these predators:

From: Victim
To: Dan Jacoby

Put us both out of our misery, Danny?
Talk to me? Make things right?

Now readers, buckle-up for some major PROJECTION and MIND-F**KING by Jacoby with his "response" now that Victim has started to expose him for her own peace of mind, to save others from being further harmed by Jacoby and to TRY to make him stop & get help! Watch - and see if this is starting to look familiar readers:

Hi Victim

Would it have been so hard to talk to me six months ago? Why would I think for one second that you won't take every word I write, twist it, and recklessly post it all over the Internet? (PROJECTION!)

Have you read the things you've posted about me and wondered the effect they would have on you if it were your photo, name, and address? Do you have any idea what all that nonsense has done? (Does Jacoby have a CLUE what's he's done to this innocent, caring person? Aside from bilking her out of a few THOUSAND dollars? How he's emotionally raped her and torn her soul in half? Oh NO!!! Like Beckstead, Hicks, Dorsky - they only see THEIR pain... and that their little party is BUSTED!)

I have things that would crush you if I showed them to you, let alone every stranger on the planet. I do this Internet thing for a living, Victim. I throw nothing away and save things people think are un-savable, but I don't use them to destroy people, especially people who are already on their knees in agony. (Bull - keep reading because Jacoby isn't as ethical & moral as he wants Victim to believe - he thinks NOTHING of trying to destroy people. Just like Gridney/Yidwithlid and Beckstead - he's going to start his own little smear campaign after he tries to lay enough GUILT on his victim to get her to stop her TRUTH TELLING!)

It can't be fun for you going through life consumed with so much hatred for someone. That I am sorry about. (Can't be fun to be so soul-less and predatory that you use vulnerable women, online for free cybersex and gifts while playing with their head to make yourself feel like a big man, can it Jacoby? The only thing you're 'sorry about' is being BUSTED. We all see right through that little speech. We've heard it before. Your victim did the right thing!)

Be well, Danny

From: Victim
Date: Jan 2008 at 11:29 AM
To: Dan Jacoby

OK, that's fine, but I've been "mulling over" this note again. After seeing the video of you out and about in your fancy car with your lady wife, (who you'd been with all along) why would I have even "wanted" to talk to you six months ago? And all the time you were telling me that you were "laid in bed in the fetal position, gasping for breath"????

There have been numerous instances where I've given you the opportunity for honest dialogue and you declined... So spare us both the embarrassment of your old trick of turning YOUR disgraceful behaviour back onto ME! (PROJECTION - all these predators do it. They don't want to have dialogue. Remember when Gridney/ Yidwithlid begged Target #1 to meet him for lunch the week after it all happened to "talk it out"? What do you all think the chances were he would have even SHOWN UP for that lunch?...

Remember when Charles "Ed" Hicks told his wives they had to "give him a chance to explain" when he'd stolen money, love, care and been with at least 3-4 other women while simultaneously married? Explain what? Why he's a bigamist and con man?)

What is "nonsense" to you; to me is deadly serious. You've damaged me so bad that I have to have counseling again. You know what I went through before with the grief counseling over my parent and yet you can put me back there???? Yet again, an unbelievable inability to empathise with my pain. (Right. No empathy = a clear sign of sociopathy. Beckstead tried to say his victim's head injury was what lead to her psychotic behavior in exposing him. Ed Hicks said his victims "made it all up just to get on T.V." Nathan Thomas calls any woman who tells the truth about him "scorned & jealous" and tells her the "CIA will be mad at him if he gives out any information" LOL! Is this getting repetitious readers?)

You dismiss it out of turn and hark back to that old familiar, "me, me, me!" trait, which I always found distinctly unpallatable. (all about them - PATHOLOGY - Clear as day.)

Whatever you "may" or "may not" have saved from the days we were together, I couldn't give a damn! It can only be emails of intimacy between us, where I was coerced "into" and "went along with" your filthy fantasies. I loved the bones of you. If you'd asked me to eat dog-**** I would have. One thing's for certain, for every "one" note you have, I have "one thousand". There's nothing else at all that you can say about me. I'm squeaky clean, Daniel.

AMEN!! And as we have said elsewhere on this site:

A relationship can not possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

* Lying
* Telling her she's the only one
* Playing mind games with her
* Moving in on her when she & her husband/partner are having a hard time
* Moving in when she's vulnerable
* Having a 'hidden agenda'

...does NOT make for consensual.
It DOES make for predatory exploitation.

Did I take anything from you on the pretence of being "broke"?
Did I treat you in the shabby manner you treated me?
Did I "use" you for my own sick gratification?
(Unfortunately, Jacoby is incapable of TRULY answering that because these pathological predators BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES)
I'll be more than happy to post the link to the website you designed for me on my 360, all you have to do is say so. ;-)

So, I guess by saying you "do this Internet thing for a living", you mean that you extort whatever you can from vulnerable women like myself to supplement your other income, on a regular basis? All I've done "wrong" is cut off your narcissistic supply and for that I gladly take full and absolute responsibility. (You go, girl!)

I don't "hate" anybody, not even you, even after everything you did to me. What YOU hate is the fact that your soft, gentle, gullible little Victim didn't fade away into the background to deal with the trauma of what you put her through in silence, and didn't turn out to be the "soft touch" you perceived her to be. I outwore my usefullness, plain and simple. (AGAIN, Victim is right on here - and that can be said for every single one of our victims; as they have said virtually the EXACT SAME THING about their feelings about their cyberpath)

I'm stronger than any other woman you've been involved with, Dan... I ain't no pushover! I may have been unaware of the truth about you, but I sure as HELL know your "character" inside out. I'd even go as far as to say more than even "Missus Jacoby" does. And I learned that the hard way, to my cost. (again -- this can be said about single one of our victims; as they have said virtually the EXACT SAME THING about their feelings about their cyberpath. These predators see their victims as such OBJECTS they rage when the victim rises up and reclaims their dignity and personhood by TELLING THE TRUTH)

It's just that the deep love and affection I felt for you blinded me as to the "real" Dan Jacoby and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

Goodbye, Danny

Wait!! Jacoby HAS to have the last word:

From: Dan Jacoby
Date: Jan 2008 at 4:16 PM
To: Victim

Please remove all the things you have posted about me across the web. Your accusations of me being a "sexual predator" and "extortionist, along with my photographs, name, and location.
(why? The truth is a 100% defense here, Jacoby. If you are so blameless - don't you have refuting evidence? Why threaten? Isn't your good & ethical character able to stand on its own? CLICK HERE)

I've got everything, Victim. Webcam videos of you from head to toe. Audio recordings of your child threatening to kill me. (Ah yes -- here come the bullying & threats. Did he keep those to use as threats later? Didn't you think Victim's child would be furious with what you did to their MOTHER? Oh! wait... that's right - none of your online babes are REAL PEOPLE to you so they aren't ENTITLED TO BE HURT! Pathological, very very.)

Emails? I've got plenty of emails. They are not flattering. Big deal. Do you see me spreading this private stuff all over the Internet? (you will Jacoby!! in a heartbeat!! isn't that what you're threatening in the paragraph above? You're contradicting yourself!) I've sat here for six months without firing back at you, believing you would eventually realize you were dead wrong regarding the reckless, destructive, cruel, evil, criminal things you accuse me of - all for your personal satisfaction. (If her emails were written because of the REAL LOVE she had in her heart for you Jacoby. - then go ahead. And didn't you use & abuse her good nature, love and compassion for YOUR PERSONAL SATISFACTION. You're not the altruist your "words" try to paint you as. Trust us - NONE of our victims get pleasure out the expose. EOPC doesn't do revenge. We make sure its for 2 reasons: 1. public warnings & education; 2. to attempt (though we know how hopeless it is) to get predators like you to STOP! and get HELP!
-- note how childish Jacoby's 'tit for tat' attitude is)

Can you imagine me ever saying something like "Hey you, I will take screen shots I have of you and will make a puzzle out of them and I will reveal one piece of the puzzle every day on my website as long as the stuff you write about me all over the web remains out there. Then I will post the video clips one by one. Then I will post the rest of the stuff, including audio clips that clearly display your intent to do harm.". (We sure can. One of our other predators did something similar. The very FACT that you threaten with that stuff Jacoby - is sick in itself. How do we know, since you work in the computer industry, you didn't doctor it all? How many women do you have saved stuff on that you have threatened them with? You think that's o.k.?)

That would be almost as mean and vindictive as what you've been doing. Don't tell me it wouldn't affect you, your friends, or your family. (Oh, Jacoby, spare us - mean and vindictive is EMOTIONALLY RAPING SOMEONE FOR YEARS. What Victim is was an intervention and the absolute right thing!)

I've shrunk the enclosed image down to a thumbnail to be much less offensive. Please tell me I can throw all this stuff out someday soon. Is this how you really want it to play out? You are an extremely mean person, Victim... I've never known anyone who can use the words "Jesus" and "F***" in the same sentence and think its OK. (Boo hoo - poor Jacoby. - he's been busted and he's still throwing Victim's faith in her face too.)

There must be something more rewarding out there for you than this. Do not ever contact me again. Thanks. (Don't worry she won't. And we'll make sure that everyone knows about you ... Jacoby)

NOTE: Jacoby? Mr. "I-Would-Never; I-Am-Above-All-That"? After being busted? opened up a revenge site with filthy, photoshopped pictures of Victim on it. You had to get a password from Jacoby to see it. Control, control, control.

When Victim let him know what he was doing was illegal? He erased it - changed the site to look like it was something else and WENT TO THE FBI AND POLICE AND SAID VICTIM WAS HARASSING HIM!!

Hey Jacoby? We saw it... we know what was REALLY there and one of your forum sychophants has admitted she saw it too!! And using & misleading law enforcement to further harrass someone isn't nice. They have already heard from us what you did & how you manipulated them...

Poor Cyberpaths... soon they have to kiss their credibility buh-bye!


WARNING (2009) - Jacoby has found his way BACK on to the recovery forums (such as benzobuddies, etc) using a new IP number and false identities (ex: "Nurse Tanya" and "Elwood"). Despite the forum managers saying they have banned him forever - they have not been able to stop this remorseless predator! One forum manager refuses to listen and remove his multiple identities. Beware!

HOW TO GET LAID ON THE INTERNET

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT IN THIS POST!!

(found this piece on a longer site that 'teaches' you how to pick up women on the internet. This portion basically tells you to do Adult Chat so you get better at cybersex then move up to Phone Sex for practice! Of course, tell the INNOCENT TARGET you finally find you have "never done this before" and its them that is "making you so aroused." Yeah right... Be informed. And realize with just a few changes here, a female cyberpath could do the same to her targets too. Cyberpaths TRAIN for what they do to people online! And the anonimity they practice with trains them to think of their victims as OBJECTS. This should give some insight into the online sexual cyberpath:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Using Adult Chat for Training

"To understand women sexually you need to understand how women think. To understand how women think you need to interact with them. And where do you go to do that? I think a good place is the adult chat rooms. Adult Chat gives you a way to interact with women in a totally anonymous way without many of the complications of meeting in person. And - you'll find that when women are annonymous that they are a lot more open sexually than they are if you know who they are.

"Anonymous chat gives you the opportunity to reinvent yourself. No longer do age, weight, looks, hight, money, race, or planet of origin make a difference. You can be anyone, anything - no limits. It's a world of fantasy and you are whoever you choose to be - interacting with women being who they choose to be. You can be a space alien if you wan. In fact - space aliens are very popular with women. You would be amazed by then number of women who get hot about the idea of being gang raped by space aliens. And with space aliens - there's no limit to what kind of appendages they have or what they can do with them.

"In adult chat rooms you can find someone and then do one on one chat. Usually the title of the room sets the mood for what you are looking for. And - you might create multiple profiles depending on what room you want to go into. This is where you can have cybersex where you and her exchange mutual sexual thoughts and masturbate.

"You may be thinking - "I'm not interested in cyber sex - I want the real thing." And - I understand that. But, cyber is something you should consider for several reasons. It may not be as good as real - but it's better than just masturbating. It also eliminates the need to be physically local allowing you to interact with women all over the world. It eliminates a lot of complications relating to being physically attracted to each other. In fact - often it is better not to exchange pictures because the imagination is often hotter than the reality of what you both look like. If it's cyber - what does it matter what the other person looks like?

"But - the most important think you get from cyber is that you are interacting with a real woman (or a gay guy pretending to be a woman - watch out for that). And you are interacting with an uninhibited woman who is uninhibited by virtue of being anonymous. A woman will get hotter and nastier a lot faster if she knows that you will never find out who she is. This will give you a rare insight into the sexual mind of women. You will be able to interact with them on a very basic primitive sexual level and get to understand how the aroused female mind works. And this is the key to getting laid. What you learn about women in cyber often applies to the real world too. I think the knowledge and experience of cyber will make you a lot more likely to find real because the same things that get women hot online get women hot in real life. "

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Dunetz/ YidwithLid's 'Apology' & More Painful Sex, Lies & Cyberpathy

SCROLL DOWN 1/2WAY IN THIS POST FOR Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID'S EMAIL APOLOGY TO:

1. a woman he'd never met in person but was calling 3-4 times a day telling her he LOVED her and,

2. a woman he'd known over 25 years who he was using as a online sex object (she had no idea) and whose family & life he destroyed.

Talk about playing people like objects! (do you think he was sincere?... or trying to cover his ***?)


originally posted - February, 2005

More from our phone and email interviews with Yidwithlid/ GRIDNEY's targets. Well worth reading. Is this how you felt too with your cyberpath, readers? (our comments in DARK BLUE/ original interviews in Fall 2004):

Target #1 -
I was horrified, sick and feeling very used and stupid. That feeling I had in the pit of my stomach all along had been right and I ignored it. Like the patsy I was trained to be by an abusive parent, I just ignored my own feelings. Yidwithlid had lied to me from day one. Someone he knew. Everything was a big fat lie. Even the "friendship." The horrible abuse I had been taking from my ex-husband because of yidwithlid now made me feel very pathetic.

I told Target #2 to go be with him because I truly wanted him to be happy. In my trauma and blind thinking all I could still think was to make him happy.

Obviously, what was going to make him happy wasn't ever me. I wasn't even real to him. No wonder he avoided seeing me for 2 years. I was an online fantasy - and he'd even lost that just a few months in when my ex-husband tried to confront him. I was, actually, nothing. Not even a real person.

I also felt truly HORRIBLE that I introduced Target #2 to Yidwithlid. She was pretty nasty to me about it because she was angry for a while after for introducing her to him and telling her what a great guy he was.

• When I saw that he answered MY friend (FoT1) that he 'hadn't talked about Target #2' to me; yet he had gone and smeared ME to Target #2....
• That he was making plans to go be with her, when he couldn't make time but once in 2 years to see me for a hello. And even then he seemed annoyed. I was never a real person to him and when I did assert myself he'd trained me to back down because he'd stop speaking to me for a while to 'punish' me...
• Couldn't remember my phone number in 2 years when he was calling her 2-4 times a day...
• Calling Target #2 'my sweetie' and 'babe' when he told me he HATED pet names... (remember that one readers?)

gridney / Yidwithlid told her he "loved" her - and never ever said that to me in all the years he knew me. Even as just a friend. In fact, on a 3 way call - I heard him vehemently say to Target #2 that he "never loved [me] never!" I was throwing up again as soon as I got off the phone. I couldn't stop.

Don't get me wrong - I know this sounds bizarre but I was not jealous. Not even a little bit. Jealous or "scorned woman" wasn't even close. I self-abused because he was just confirming for me what years of abuse had 'taught' me - I was garbage. It was beyond plain -- I didn't need a house to fall on me. I was nothing but a toy, something to fulfill his addiction when he was unemployed or bored. He didn't want me to be real. He didn't want to know me, be seen with me and he never had ANY intention of introducing me to his family - even BEFORE the cybersex began. He was laughing at me the entire time. I was a joke to him. A pathetic, convenient joke.

Prior to yidwithlid re-entering my life I had been through more than a lot of people my age. I was worn down and vulnerable. And now I was in hell because of him and my letting those old feelings surface. I felt pathetic. I couldn't figure out what I had done to make him treat me like that, not even being my friend! He knew exactly what he was doing and his ego must have been enormous knowing how he'd duped me. I wanted to cry or scream but when I opened my mouth - I could only vomit.

When I did finally pick up one of his calls, I spoke like it was one long primal-scream and I tried to maintain some control. Yidwithlid tried to get me to 'wait a month to tell' his wife....I had Fed Ex'd everything to her the day before. (good! - gridney/ Yidwithlid would have been spinning and smearing you to his wife & friends, and probably did anyway!)

She needed to know what he was doing, finally. It was the only way I could see that he'd get the help he needed and his wife could finally help him. She was his wife - and what I did to her was wrong. I knew she'd hate me and he'd make sure to paint a bad picture of me.

Yidwithlid tried to tell me that - "you know I have feelings for you." It would have been kinder if Yidwithlid had stabbed me or just called me an "ugly fat old pig." I wonder what those feelings are.... disgust, amusement, annoyance... I still have no idea. He only said that to try to buy my silence with more lies and guilt.

He left a message on my phone saying he wanted to see me & talk to me and that I "meant too much to him." I wish he'd meant it.

I was vomiting a lot. I had to go somewhere one evening about 4 days after it all, and I ended up having to pull off an expressway to vomit and then I felt very faint. I went to an E.R. that night and was released. I went back to the hospital a number of times in the 2 week after and by late March (2004) when the police were involved, I pulled the plug on my computer.

Target #2 was calling me. She was out for blood. I understood her rage. I did tell her that going to meet and have sex with a guy she'd never met and only knew online for 5 weeks was very risky. I stopped taking her calls for a while and the answering machine messages went on & on & on. She was very triggered, seems Yidwithlid had disconnected his cell phone and I was too sick to help anyone or even get out of bed.

My doctor sent me to a trauma counselor a number of times during the first few weeks after for thoughts of suicide. I was sedated and just walking around zoned out. Target #2 called me a lot after that. She still loved him and kept trying to get him to talk to her and explain. I told her he MUST love her and maybe she should just wait it out and he'd call her. Yidwithlid just dropped off the radar. No closure - like we didn't exist.
~~~~~~~~~

Target #2:
I kept calling Yidwithlid's cell phone for verification of what had happened. I asked him about something. Yidwithlid then told me, when I confronted him about something I KNEW had happened: "Never happened." I knew what gaslighting was and knew he was doing this for sure then.

I was angry beyond belief. Yidwithlid told me "if you love me you will leave me alone and let me start a new life." What about me? He'd promised me trips and said "our love would go on forever." He swore he didn't love his wife at all. He'd even sent me photos of himself with his kids cropped out! Leave him alone? (If he really did care about Target #2 at all he would never have said that or done what he did) He even had the temerity to say he'd told his rabbi he'd "fallen in love" with me. My money says he told his rabbi I was some obsessed stalker!

I got online and dug up everything I could on him - I was going to make sure his boss, his family and everyone he cared about knew what an animal he was! This man's religious and caring nature was nothing but a pose! His job, his publishers were going to know.

I was sexually abused as a child and wanted his poor kids away from him too! I called a P.I. friend in LA to help me. I was not going quietly. (Readers: we do NOT recommend this sort of over the top revenge! - EOPC)
~~~~~~~~~~~

Target #1:
About 10 days after all this Yidwithlid emailed what he thought passed for an apology to myself and Target #2. I couldn't believe he was being that impersonal. Of course this just triggered my trauma worse. He misspelled my last name in a suggestive manner. I was deeply triggered.

I meant nothing to him. Nothing. I wasn't even a person. Bad enough I was being abused in my own home, my kids were subjected to seeing it - because of my relationship with Dunetz/ Yidwithlid!

Bad enough I was disabled and could barely leave my house some days. Here it was - the proof that I really was nothing. I made a stupid decision based on lies and my fears were confirmed.

I was a just "thing" to be clicked off with computer mouse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE 'APOLOGY'

no editing to spelling or syntax has been done... only names and people left out. We also highlighted the number of times GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid said I, ME or MY to make a point that he really had no empathy for what he had done to any of his Targets.

Like most online predators - GRIDNEY / Yidwithlid was only concern for himself! (and of course HIS family - whom he LIED to about Target #1 and #2 and his preying on vulnerable women online.)

Has yours done this? (we are reminded of the letter Ed Hicks sent to Wife #6!)

NOTICE how Yidwithlid puts Target #2 FIRST on his email list. Must have made Target #1 feel really good... like a bad chain letter. He could have a least sent 2 emails!
**************************

TO: Target # 2@###.com, Target #1@###.net

FROM: Yidwithlid

DATE: 3/26/2004

I am writing down every day. I see the pain I cased every second of very day. my wife crying (sometimes she throws up) every day and ail cause of me. My kids having no interpersonal relationships because I have been selfish ant too lazy to give them the attention thy deserve. I have a friend my [clergyman] who I made feel so uncomfortable by mixing him up in all this Even quitting the #### was selfish. . And I am also profoundly sorry for the pain that I have cased to you both. Every Day I pray to God to relive your pain and that of my family. and then I pray that he bring me closer to [Him] in mind and spirit. so I can change the kind of horrible person I have been.

Target #1 you are right about those 12 steps but they take time...the first one was discussing it all and that goes way beyond my time on line it goes to the way I relate to my family help my kids,. My [clergyman] says to do true teshuva, I have to change, and I am working on int,,,it is a lng drawn out process.,.

I got rid of aol adn yahoo and only have the original MSN I dont go ton here, I was advised to no longer put my self in oppottunities where I have to be strong at least untill I have shanged form the creep I was, .Someday with God’s help I may be a decent human being again.. Am truely sorry for the pain I caused and all I can say is that ai sm trying to make that person go away

Ihis is from the heart, wheater u believe or not.

************************************

Only a classic Narcissistic / Sociopathic Predator would use I, ME and MY so much. GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID made only 1 BRIEF reference to what he had done to his Targets. Didn't even want to know he'd put Target #1 in the hospital. Didn't own what he did, how he did it or even why.

GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID certainly had NO PROBLEM pushing his family aside for his online sexual gratifications by emotionally brainwashing 2 vulnerable Targets! Now its their fault his family is hurt?

Also notice how Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID implies that he has to 'be strong' online and around them, AGAIN making the Targets responsible for the fact that he's a Sex Addict on top of being a predator.

Did we count 24 "I"s and 8 "me/my"s? In a short missive - DUNETZ/ Yidwithlid references HIMSELF and his 'possessions' 32 times.

What he did to the Targets only twice? .... does this remind you of our First Predator of the Month, Ed Hicks? or Doug Beckstead? constant references to HIMSELF?

Here's what TV Counselor Dr. Phil has to say about APOLOGIES (GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid's 'apology' doesn't even come close!):

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your [and other people's] life.

This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"

DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID sent it to BOTH Targets? One he'd been telling he LOVED and the other he knew for over 25 years? Like a chain letter? ...We won't use the word that comes to mind here, readers! COWARD is the term for this that's at least printable. He could have at LEAST seen Target #1 in person a couple times to talk to her FACE TO FACE about this! He owed her that much. But no......

(We are also reminded of Brad Dorsky's accusation that his Target was playing around online also - which she wasn't.)

As a typical Predator - Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID only saw the pain he caused - in his own home. He doesn't even acknowledge the pain he caused Target #1 for 2 years and the abuse her ex-husband was heaping on her because of him. Typical predator - he has ZERO responsibility in his mind to her - he caused her to be abused and made her so sick she had to go to the hospital a few times. Does he care? Sociopaths never care.

In their minds, predators feel their victims have no right to be angry with them - no matter how badly they were used.

DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID didn't even apologize in 2003 when Target #1's estranged husband found out by hacking the computer. In fact Dunetz/ Yidwithlid's only comment was "I feel responsible" (he was responsible!), remember readers? And yet he did NOTHING to help her - not even emotional support! Not even a cup of coffee and a hug!

And then STILL he went on using Target #1 and twisting her mind & emotions KNOWING she was vulnerable!

Yidwithlid did NOTHING to support Target #1, who was in his 'thrall.' He just left her hanging, dealing with abuse, on her own for weeks. How dare her husband find out and interrupt HIS GOOD TIME! Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID seems ticked that his latest free **** buddy was compromised.

How much you want to bet he told people Target #1 was "just jealous"? LOL Typical Cyberpath excuse: 'scorned woman'!

And how much you want to bet, readers - Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID never really 'discussed it all' with his wife like he says? That those discussions were more of his spin and lies? And selective information?

Wouldn't you love to know what these Cyberpaths REALLY tell their spouses and friends? Trust us - its minimized, watered down and half-baked. They paint their Targets as the bad ones and justify doing it because they need to "protect their families/spouses from being harmed." Continuing to lie hurts them worse, doesn't it? But it gives the Cyberpath another way to garner sympathy for his/ her horrible problems.

Additionally, Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID talks about the 12-Step process of recovery 'taking time' and being a 'long, drawn out process.' Anyone who knows about 12-step programs knows they have one big principle: KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid. These Targets, like many of you, were in a lot of psychic pain.

Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID completely missed the Step [and continues to purposely miss it even years later we learned] of making amends and telling the whole unvarnished truth to those he'd harmed. Now he is angry at the targets and using his anger to say they don't deserve amends for what THEY did - exposing him. Typical.

And why should he make amends after he painted HIMSELF as the victim here? The only thing it appears Yidwithlid was sorry about was getting caught!

Of course he portrayed his Targets as "too much of a temptation" (making THEM responsible for his out of control behavior) and that he was 'counseled' not to 'put himself in situations where [he] had to be strong' according to more of the chats we read... [some of which we can not publish here at the request of law enforcement].

Readers, this in an IMPORTANT expose and one you should read over & over again. It's so textbook and encompasses the narcissism & addictive nature of Cyberpaths and how it infects the victims are shown here better than any book or article could explain.

Like all cyberpaths, Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID is a coward and just ran away. No closure, no explanation, nothing!

His male buddies are probably high-fiving him.

DUNETZ/ Yidwithlid even says as much was he says in the 'apology' that he is 'trying to make that person go away.' He probably had every intention of starting up the same thing with someone else, if he hadn't already... and getting these women who now knew the truth as far away as possible so he could smear them, make himself the victim and move forward (more on that later) .

Target #1 -
I wrote Yidwithlid back after the apology and I was screaming inside. Everything in my head was a scream. I wrote the word "RAPE" to him in my response but I don't remember anything else I said. That's how I felt. How I still feel. "Raped" Now that I've been counseled about Emotional Rape I understand why I felt that way.

I had already gone to the police after Yidwithlid had threatened my kids. Yidwithlid was in their database and they were going to keep it confidential ...and I couldn't believe this was happening. I never get into trouble. My father was in law enforcement. This was all so out of character for me. I was a boring, straight arrow... and this? I was mortified.

This apology upset me so much. I was so numb and sedated I didn't even feel it until days later. (PTSD - emotional numbing) I went to my doctor at my therapist's suggestion a couple days later and was admitted to the hospital for the damage the non-stop vomiting had done to my esophagus. As a disabled person and a single mom, I really didn't need more injury. I had my children to think about. I told the doctors everything and it's in their files. His name, the relationship, the police contacts, everything.

Yidwithlid never contacted me again. Why would he? He never wanted to even know me, except as a sex toy, in the first place. He hated me the whole time. He just wants me dead, probably. (He created a new nickname & identity and got back online pretty quickly after he felt things calmed down... probably doing it again... online porn and all)

I was told I was in the throes of a full blown Post Traumatic Stress attack. Target #2 was still trying to pull it all together and couldn't figure out if I was jealous & lying, which Yidwithlid had implied to her - or I was telling the truth. Yidwithlid had done a really good job of twisting her mind too.


But something more felt wrong. Very wrong. And I couldn't get it out of my head.... the little voice that said "there's more... more going on here." I just couldn't stop thinking it. Flashbacks were waking me up at night and I was feeling something strongly in my gut.

(MORE TO COME ON TARGET #1s 'FEELING' - we aren't quite done with DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID yet!! Wait until you see what law enforcement found.

And, we will post our edits of excerpts from Target #1 and #2s thoughts to tell the rest - Fighter)

Don't forget to take a look at what was found by law enforcement in Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID's internet cache. - CLICK HERE...

yidwithlid