Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Online Predator Back in Court

A Utah man who police say raped and sexually assaulted women he met through online LDS chat sites is in trouble again for striking up new Internet conversations.

Dog - Internet Pictures, Images and Photos

Kent Parkinson, 28, appeared in 4th District Court on Wednesday for an order to show cause filed by prosecutors who say he's been contacting woman on the Internet -- a direct violation of his plea in abeyance.

In September 2006, Parkinson pleaded no contest to five counts of forcible sex abuse, two counts of forcible sodomy, 10 counts of rape and one count of aggravated kidnapping, all first- and second- degree felonies.

Prosecutors agreed to hold those in abeyance for three years -- and not ask for prison time -- if Parkinson could complete a series of requirements, including sex-offender treatment, paying fines and filing progress reports.

Prosecutor Mariane O'Bryant said in 2006 that although the deal seemed lenient, it was acceptable to the two victims, who were so traumatized by the abuse that more court hearings would have been difficult.

Police say Parkinson met the first woman online and later went to her home in Springville to watch a movie. During the movie, the woman told police Parkinson touched her breasts and genitals without her consent, according to a police affidavit filed in 4th District Court.

The second case also began with an online meeting and when the two met in person, police said, Parkinson kept the woman against her will for 10 hours and raped her repeatedly at a home in Orem, according to an affidavit.

Defense attorney Debbie Hill told the court Wednesday that she wanted time to talk to Parkinson about the new allegations and the case was set for Nov. 26.

In September 2006, Parkinson was told that if he failed to meet the conditions of his probation or violated the law again, he could be sentenced and face the potential of life in prison.

The new chatting allegations arose when a woman from Layton said she met Parkinson on the Web site LDSplanet.com, and they chatted then agreed to meet.

She met him in July and they hung out several times, although she said she was hesitant to kiss him as much as he seemed to want to, she wrote in a sworn statement filed in 4th District Court.

They hung out a few more times but Parkinson began to get more aggressive and even unfriendly, the woman wrote. At one point she told him her feelings had changed and she wasn't interested and he got mad and said he never wanted to see her again, then sped away in his car, according to her statement.

The woman said she got home and deleted him from her Internet chat accounts, then searched to see if he had a MySpace account so she could block him from that, too.

She told police that during that search she found a newspaper article about his original cases and that he was not supposed to be using the Internet.
"That is when we decided that we had to contact someone about it so nothing else could happen to me or anyone else," she wrote in her statement.

(how much can we bet he'll just change his nickname(s), change his emails, maybe change his ISP and go right back to it? - Fighter)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Predator of the Month: Robert Darden - Another Blame Shifting Expert!

Continuing with our December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden.

After realizing this Target wasn't going to play cyber-slap & tickle with him or send him the intimate photos he wanted... suddenly he has "reasons" not to move to her country; as he promised. He goes so far as to use his children as part of this reason!! (Predators will use anything - even children - to get to you, or dump you or simply get what they want when they want it) He probably also had someone else on the hook!

Our commentary is in DARK BLUE.

Darden's Target Continues:
This distance problem is what he used to end it.

He sent me a video of a song called "Yesterday.' A classic break-up song I guess. It was saying "sorry but my feelings have changed. " (They never changed, because he never HAD ANY REAL FEELINGS towards her)

Because he had told me about other relationships he had and how they had ended I knew something was not right. I didn't want to be one of those women. He talked about how he left them (there was always some bizarre, little reason. Never his fault, of course.) and how they chased after him. (Wanted me to know how desirable he was -- sounds just like Beckstead & Jacoby)
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers.

Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.


So I changed my email address, and closed my YouTube account. I didn't want to be always looking for an email I thought for sure wouldn't come and I didn't want to be tempted to contact him. The only email I couldn't do anything about was my work email.

I then went on an already planned vacation with my children.
When I came back there was an email from him at my work. Three of them actually. To make a long story not quite so long we were back in contact (by e-mail) but he was cold and distance so I e-mailed apologizing for anything I may have done to offend him. (Exactly what he wanted - for YOU to take the blame. Rodger, Jacoby, gridney/ Yidwithlid and Beckstead all wanted their Targets to take all the blame. And some did until they wised up that they'd been brainwashed, manipulated and had!)

That started it!
(Watch how Darden puts his Target on the defensive for protecting herself!)

From: Darden's Victim
To: rdardenea
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:54:57 +0000
Subject: Seeking forgiveness

Hello ‘Jackson,’

I apologize for offending you. My intentions were not to do so and I ask for your forgiveness.

If I'm understanding correctly, your feelings for me have changed. It would help me to know where our relationship stands right now so we can move on from here with openness, honesty, and transparency.
Please let me know.
(Don't hold your breath, he will be bamboozling her with words even more now!)

Thank-you and God bless.

In love, XXXXXXX

During a series of emails, he tried to make me admit I was dishonest.

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 6:32 PM, Darden wrote:

Hello Target,

I am not holding any ill feeling towards you, You have apologized for offending me. I accept your apology though I don't know if I was offended at all. Maybe some of your actions were offensive, I don't know. (I have been too busy with other Targets these days)

I care too much for you for them to bother me. Some may say that I am foolishly in love with you. I say that i am in love with you.
(LOL - sorry you can't be really in love with someone you never met. That's truly not possible and just a way to make her feel bad!) You showed me someone that I fell in love with. I met a person that I was willing to turn my whole life upside down for. I wanted to shake up the world for. (playing the hurt party... he wouldn't know what love was if it bit him on the nose!)

Then you took her away from me. I don't know what you did with her, Her leaving me left my whole world with a void in it. It felt like something worse than death because I was left with this taunting image.
(You wouldn't engage in my online sex games!! Darn you!)

Someone who looked like my love and sounded like her but she was gone. (because she wouldn't do what I wanted and questioned me!) If that is what it feels like to be offended then I accept your apology,

I know that I don't want to ever be "offended" again.
I feel more like a victim. It is said that victims often victimize. That is what is left. (playing Martyr Man, like Beckstead!)

Can we move forward? You tell me can we?

Here is my first installment of openness honesty and transparency.
(gag us!)

In Love,


I couldn’t believe, knowing that I was a widow, that he would compare whatever he was accusing me of as ‘something worth than death.’ But I chose to ignore that. (Don't worry - he said it on purpose - knowing precisely how it would hurt you and probably 'trauma bond' you to him and make you doubt yourself! Don't forget he profiled you so he'd know how to hurt you when he wanted)
sexual harrassment Pictures, Images and Photos

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: Darden's Target
Hi ‘Jackson’,

Thank-you for accepting my apology. I know that I am in love with you. When I received the video saying your feelings had changed it was like a knife to my heart. (he is probably so happy -- it had the effect he wanted and now he feels freer to toy with others online at the same time!)

I didn't contact you, I changed my email because I didn't want to victimize you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to contact you if you wanted time away from me. I thought that was what you wanted. I should have asked you. I should have clarified it with you there and then but you would often tell me about the other women you left and how they would keep calling you. (beware -- another guy saying:
Starting to see a pattern here? Had he told you they were 'scorned women' too? BEWARE when anyone starts badmouthing old girlfriends, women they work with and their wives or exes. You will be next.)

I wanted to respect your decision although I was dying inside. The night before, the last words you said to me were I love you sweetheart, and then the next day... the youtube video and nothing.
It seems we both felt like victims.

I pray for you everyday because of the pain you went through during your marriage. (We'd bet he was abusive) It is said that victims often victimize. (it's called Reactive Abuse but he's the victimizer here! Lying about intent from Day One. Knowing you were a victim before made you pre-tenderized meat to him. He knows you may buckle under his guilt giving. A person who really cares about victims - doesn't put them in this position in the first place!)

But I believe this is a misunderstanding, on both our parts, not a victimization.
Can we move forward?

I believe with God all things are possible. If God is in this then yes we can. If both our hearts are willing, then yes we can.
Communication is so important. I would have liked to have known how you were feeling and I should have told you how I was feeling. Is what we have worth saving? I know it is. (of course with a NORMAL person it would be. There would be talking, honesty and healing and something new - maybe a friendship. This is the same thing gridney/ Yidwithlid's Target #1 tried to do and look what Yidwithlid did to her. Steven Miller's Target wanted to 'bury the hatchet' and move forward. Gareth Rodger's Target wanted closure and moving forward -- but both these Targets got blaming, shaming and anger. Both Miller and Rodger tried to have 'friends' of theirs talk to EOPC and their Targets to get them back 'in line' with taking all the blame. Our reaction, in a word: NO)

You know I love you with all my heart and soul.

In love,



This just made Darden feel free to let the accusations start because he knows they are making 'direct hits':

And what "provoked" this narc(issistic) attack? Did the narcissist feel threatened in any way? Was he slighted in any way? He should have been grateful that the other [ ] was so kind and forgiving, but instead he took this as a sign of weakness and attacked.

It's about time the professionals started making observations instead of divinations. If they do, they will find that what "provokes" a narc attack is nothing but vulnerability.

As in any PREDATOR.


On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 8:02 PM, Darden wrote:


I thought we had an honest relationship.

I no longer feel that you were being honest with me. I am a man. My pedigree is grounded and rooted in honesty. (Do you hear us rolling on the floor laughing?)

I know the way that i handled this was not right. I did not have the strength at the time to do anything other than what I did. I know it hurt you and for that I apologize. (This is a lame apology, typical from a pathological. It barely owns what he did and how he did it -- and just shifts everything back on HER!)

As you well know there is no easy way to break someone's heart. (But he probably knows a few nasty ways)

We spoke the sunday before and after our conversation I felt so taken for granted. I felt that everything that i thought we had was just my imagination. Everything became one great
big blur. Nothing was distinct anymore.

After that very real conversation nothing else made sense. Everything else was just words with no real meaning behind them. Even now when you say that you closed out this and that for me.

My question is how was that for me? I felt like I was being seen as a stalker. lol. (BIZARRE COMMENT!)

I have to say the ball is truly in your court now. Like you said it takes two. That is something that we will have to work our way up to.

His perverted feelings are HIS problem, not yours. ...he will never run out of twisted excuses to irrationalize his attacks on you, so get off the guilt trip. His perversity is not YOUR vice.

Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap.


My feelings have changed. That does not mean that i am not in love with you. It means that I am unsure of you. (WTH?!? Word Salad alert!)

This is My second installment of openness honesty and transparency.
(and bullpocky)

In Love,


I defended my honesty. I used his words back at him because at this point, I really had no idea what he was talking about.
(because he was twisting your mind with WORD SALAD! to create cognitive dissonance and guilt so you would do & give him what he wanted -- free online cybersex and an emotional toy)

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: Darden's Victim


Please read my message again. I said I closed them for me, not for you. I closed them so I wouldn't contact you. So I wouldn't spend all my time looking for your email that I was sure would never come. I am being completely honest with you. (Of course you are. HE's not and he never was)

I appreciated you so much which is why I was so shattered. I'm sorry I wasn't able to communicate that effectively. I never took you for granted. I was confused because you were back on the [online dating site], yet you were talking about us being committed to each other. I didn't understand that. (It was all b.s. that's why. No one could have understood that line of garbage; and he's ticked that you "didn't!" He's worried you are starting to see what he really is.)

I am a woman of God. I do not lie. I too am grounded and rooted in honesty. The holy spirit dwells within me.

I am sorry you are unsure of me now. I don't know how to change that. (The only thing he was unsure of was having his hooks in her completely)

In love, XXXXXXX
boo hoo Pictures, Images and Photos

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 9:18 PM, wrote:


My head is buzzing right now. I was on [dating site] only because they sent me free days. I used so few of the free days that they tuned around the next week and gave me three more days. (ROFL!) I was not looking for love. (you were never looking for LOVE - you were looking for "fun")

I only checked my mail until I was contacted. that contact was an old acquaintance. If you had any doubt why didn't you
tell me? I don't mean to cause you to doubt me or my love for you. (But you were right to doubt him!)

I don't have to go back and re-read your email. I do make mistakes. I like that you are willing to confront me with your concerns. (and he's going to duck those concerns as best he can with more blather about love & God -- things he can only TALK about)

I really think you should reflect back on our last conversation two sundays ago. If you want to tell me that it was me imagining things I can't accept that. We had a breakdown in our communication. We agreed that if the topic was to intense to talk about that we would agree not to talk about it. (too intense? like THE TRUTH?)

I felt that you let my hand go and wanted me not to notice it. I felt our connection was lost.
Are you telling me it was all my imagination?

In love,


Now we’re getting closer to what he thinks she did wrong. She was dishonest and let go of his imaginary hand.(???!!!) (That's about as real as gridney/Yidwithlid's winner statement: "we've been more intimate online than we ever could be in person.") Come on, Darden... get real!

But he can't because he's pathological.
cyberpaths seal

(we will finish this soon... due to the holidays our site managers are away or otherwise occupied. Have a great new year!)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

e-Rapport: Using NLP to Create Easy Connections through eMail

e-Rapport: Using NLP to Create Easy Connections through eMail
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

by Jennifer Bryant, M.A.

For most of us, a day doesn't go by where we are not sending and receiving email. Whether you use email to connect with friends, clients or to expand business networks, you can use some simple NLP techniques to easily maximize your email connections.

In general, we tend to like people who seem similar to us. You might think this is due to shared interests or some other kind of compatibility. Yet, from NLP we know there are specific elements of our communication patterns that create bonds which are more influential than shared interests, personal attributes, or even personality. These elements make up the structure of our communication. This does not refer to what we say, but rather, how we say what we say.

The key to excellent rapport via email is to notice these elements in messages from others and use them in your responses. This creates the impression that "this person is just like me." The result is a comfort level that paves the way for an easy connection. Here are some elements of communication to be aware of:

1. Identify and use similar types of sensory words (such as: 'seeing', 'hearing', and 'feeling')

Does the sender use one kind of sensory language more than others, or is there a mix? In your response, use the same type or types of sensory language.

Here are some examples with rapport enhancing responses. The first example uses 'seeing' type of language:

Let's meet for lunch and look at the statements from Jan/02. I want to get your viewpoint on the proposal.

Response: I'm looking forward to lunch and sharing my views on the proposal.

Here's an example of 'hearing' types of language:

I heard you were going to be in town Friday and was hoping we could meet for lunch. How does that sound?

Response: Sounds great. I know a quiet restaurant where we can talk. I'll call you when I get in.

Here's an example of 'feeling' language...

Kate and I would love it if you could join us to go over our travel plans. We're hoping to have a calm and relaxing vacation this year.

Response: I'm so glad you stayed in touch. I'd be happy to meet and help firm up your plans.

2. Sentence length and style

Notice sentence length. Are they short and to the point, or longer and more complex? You do the same. Mirror them. The next examples convey exactly the same information but use different structures:

I just wanted to know if you are available for a meeting on Wednesday?
(Introductory clause, longer)

Are you available Wednesday for a meeting?
(Short, right to the point)

3. Use of acronyms/abbreviations

Some people abbreviate words like 'meeting' to 'mtg.,' or 'Wednesday', to 'Wed.' Chat room abbreviations might also make their way into emails. If you want the '411' on commonly used online abbreviations go to LINK

Needless to say, it's a rapport builder if, in your reply, you use abbreviations similar to those that were in the initial email.

4. Salutations/degree of formality

Match salutation and sign offs with either the same or similar ones. If you receive an email with Dear Mr. Jones, address your reply in the same fashion. If the writing is casual ("Hey there") adopt that tone.

The same goes for sign offs. If they've included professional information after their name, do the same with your reply, and arrange the information in a similar format.

5. General structure

If someone writes a brief email, reply in the same way. If they give lots of detail, then include similar amounts in your response. Notice how the information is presented: is each idea in a separate paragraph, is the email one big paragraph, or a bit of both?

Overall, you probably have a preference for email style that is similar to your own. If you like them to the point, those long emails with the happy faces just might drive you nuts.

The key to excellent communication is
having the flexibility to mimic someone else's style (aka MIRRORING)

Just as you wouldn't wear a business suit to the beach, matching someone else's structure of communication is a powerful way to create connections and foster excellent e-rapport. Oh, and if those smiley faces are getting you down, just pass this article along.

Jennifer Bryant, M.A. completed her Master Practitioner in 2003 . She is in private practice in in Ottawa Canada.

(Did your cyberpath do this to YOU?? - Fighter)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Warning! Beckstead: Sick Christmas Santa on the Prowl


Please avoid all contact if you see this man pictured below, dressed as Santa at a Christmas function, office party or mall near you this Christmas. He is a very cunning and conniving sexual predator who makes it his business to con & get close to unsuspecting young women (sometimes grandmothers) and their young children by playing his "I am a good guy" persona. Being "Santa" is one of his ways to get his foot in your door!
Douglas Beckstead is 50 years old, morbidly obese and tall with heavily greying, brown hair. He usually covers his face with a natural full beard at this time of the year. He wears bifocals most of the time. He lives in Anchorage, Alaska but travels extensively!

This predator knows how to put on the charm and charisma for attention, he craves the adoration and attention that playing Santa gives him. It also gives him easy access to young children and teens, he can touch them without their permission or yours.

Douglas Beckstead is a known online sexual predator & cyberpaths who has trawled the internet for many years, searching carefully for vulnerable targets. His eyes may appear kind in the beginning but please beware he is anything but.

He has a history of sexually & emotionally accosting vulnerable women and children both online and in the many local towns and cities he has ventured into over the years.

He has and will use his career or certain reputable forums to try to prove he is "trustworthy" and "respected." This is a lure, don't fall for it.

If this man approaches you or your children get away as fast as you can - please report anything suspicious to your local law enforcement agency - he is already well known to most of them.

Douglas Beckstead is a chameleon for the cause (HIMSELF) - from dressing up as the Easter Bunny at Easter time to his latest stint. Whilst working over in Iraq, earlier this year on assignment as a visiting historian; working for the Elmendorf Air Force Base. Beckstead had to wear a similar uniform to the real soldiers in order to "blend in". He used this and "blurred the lines" between his actual career and theirs. In other words, he was posing and alluding that he was as an actual soldier and had been "deployed" whilst trying to lure in more unsuspecting targets, when he has never been enlisted in the military. Take a look at his picture -- the military would never deploy someone that obese!

He does things like this for his narcissistic fix, to gain your attention and empathy - he feeds off of it.

Please scroll down and read a letter he sent to one of his numerous targets back in 2005 whilst he was playing Santa in the town of Fairbanks, Alaska. It certainly raises alarm bells.

Remember this man travels to prey and con - don't be his next target of choice.

For further information and full details - emails and the many cons and ploys that this predator and others similar to him inflict upon their victims please feel free to browse through the list of names of the Currently Exposed Cyberpaths on the right side of this site.

Fr further information on Beckstead go to: predatoralert07.wordpress.com/

Stay Safe this Christmas,
Former Victims of Beckstead

>From: "Doug Beckstead"
Subject: Santa
>Date: Sun, 11 Dec 2005 18:12:19 -0900
>Okay, here are pictures from this afternoon. I'm including three of them. (EOPC is showing the one photo mentioned LAST)
>One has Sparkles and I (she's the clown who owns the Party Palace Shop and offered me the job). One is of me with my beard done up. This year I just used white grease paint instead of the spray paint stuff I've used in the past. (really healthy for the babies & chidren to breath in) I think it worked better and it comes out easier in the shower with
>hot water and shampoo. No more double and triple washes. And finally is a"portrait" of Santa. Alyeska hired a professional photographer to come and shoot their pictures. He used my camera and got a couple of me alone. (proof of the narcissist within - and a lure to string along more targets)

>These really look nice! One of the best ones he got was of me holding a newborn baby. She had a little Santa suit on, complete with a matching hat and even had her toes painted red. (he's getting too excited about this) She started crying (because she could sense danger) at first so her aunt stuck a bottle in her mouth and that shut her up. She'd pull it out quickly and the photographer shot a shot. In one of them she looks like she's sleeping and I'm sort of looking at her. It is really precious. Unfortunately I won't be getting a copy of it. But I think I'm going to try and find out if I can get one. (Thankfully for this family the photographer turned him down)
>So, here's this year's photos. I don't think I'm going to take my camera with me to the store (he usually does but is relying on the photographer this year). It's just one more thing that I have to keep track of so I don't want to mess with it.(not when he has so many targets, chidren & their parents to mess with)

>Oh, one thing I did figure out though, I kept my Levi's on under the Santa suit. I'll be able to simply take off the suit, change my shirt (my t-shirt gets totally soaked with sweat because the suit is really hot) and run a comb through my hair. (Smelly) I'll put a ball cap on after that so it doesn't look like I'm totally sweated up. That way I can enjoy some of the
>party, at least at the end of it. (Can't miss a beat, not with so much prey to trawl for)
>Well, here they are!
>Quando omni flunkus moritati.
>(stolen by Beckstead from Canada's RED GREEN SHOW - never an original thought!)

ONE MORE WARNING: BECKSTEAD IS CURRENTLY TROLLING FACEBOOK. One of his enablers who is clueless as to Beckstead's true pathological nature is one of his 'Friends.' Basically a cover!



Beckstead Preying 4U
Beckstead: Preying on Who Next?

Sunday, December 07, 2008

December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden

Robert Darden
Maryland, USA
Known Online Nickname: rdardenea

We want to start this month's expose with a caveat. We are in NO WAY judging anyone's religious or spiritual beliefs. We do not espouse any type of belief for healing from Cyberpaths other than the "higher power" belief also used in 12-Step Groups. We don't criticize anyone for their beliefs either.

That said, we stopped counting around 50... the sheer NUMBERS of people we hear from all the time who either:

1. met their Cyberpath on a Christian/ Jewish/ other.... Dating Site
2. their Cyberpath professed to be religious, observant or so on. (examples: Dan Jacoby, gridney/ YidwithLid, Mike Campbell)

(For a quick reality check, go to our friends at Fight Bigamy and just do a search on how many bigamists are preachers or pretend to be!)

Think about it, a predator would love going on a religious-slanted dating site or professing their "religiousness." Why? Because the site's or their affiliation with religion would make a naive person think they were honest & trustworthy. Many, like this month's, go to great lengths to study & learn scripture. It's part of their lure.
Online dating -- or meeting someone online -- no matter WHAT KIND OF SITE YOU ARE ON -- is bad news 99% of the time. Those are NOT GOOD ODDS!

The predators we've exposed in the last 4 years have been from:
  • Online Dating (secular & religious)
  • Friendship & Chat Sites
  • Reunion Sites
  • Recovery Sites
  • Parenting Sites
in short -- they come from anywhere on the web that will give them the "air" of trust-ability.

Here's another cautionary tale. And NOT AN ISOLATED ONE!

One of his victims tells her story:

(EOPC's comments are in Dark Blue & italics)

I met what I thought was my 'soul mate' on a Christian dating site. This man knew the Word of God inside out. He gave me the impression he was sent by God.
About on in twenty-five individuals are sociopathic, meaning, essentially, that they do not have a conscience. It is not that this group fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior.

. . . many people know nothing about this disorder, or if they do, they think only in terms of violent psychopathy- murderers, serial killers, mass murderers . . . [but not] the larger number of nonviolent sociopaths among us, people who often are not blatant lawbreakers, and against whom our formal legal system provides little defense. Most of us would not imagine any correspondence between conceiving an ethnic genocide and, say, guiltlessly lying to one’s boss about a coworker. But the psychological correspondence is not only there; it is chilling.

The writer, a Rev'd C. J. Connor, then finishes the first installment in the series:

As Dr. Stout (in her book THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR) points out, however, more often than not the evil that they create in the world is not something that you can go to jail for- and in the Church nowadays, the characteristics of the Christian Sociopath have become rather idealized and admired.


He contacted me after I responded to prayers for a woman who had been raped by someone she met on the site. He said he could "see I was a strong woman."

After a short absence from the site, we contacted each other again and he told me that he "often thought of me." (Here we go with the LOVE BOMBING)

The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy... In doing so you will ... lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence.



To know someone was thinking of me. What a nice feeling. We had so much in common. We hit it off right away. After talking for a while online we exchanged phone numbers. The first time we talked, when we were saying goodbye I thought I heard him say ‘I love you.’ (first red flag) I wasn’t sure so I didn’t say anything.
Narcissists, in accordance with their Machiavellian mind frame, will often appear religious, especially if they are leaders. But they may also ascribe to a religion in an effort to understand their special status, which they believe they enjoy.


Several times we talked through the night even though I had to get up in the morning to go to work. I couldn't pull myself away and even though he would express regret for keeping me up at night it would keep happening. I was tired a lot which is probably what he intended.
Along with the personality disorder, psychopaths have other issues in common, including a decreased need for sleep. Many of the women [victims -- are] in bodily exhaustion from the lack of sleep. The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the psychopath for keeping her awake... (This technique is often used in hostage-taking and war crimes.).


He often spoke of how honest I was. How he had never met someone so honest. Probably to appeal to my ego. How he had never reached so deep into anyone’s heart before.

He said had only been with one woman all his life. His wife, who deceived him and hurt him making it difficult for him to ever love again. (sounds like Ed Hicks! Who swore he only had one wife... LOL!) He said he was legally separated and hasn’t proceeded with the divorce because he hasn’t had a reason to. He said almost did once. (sound familiar readers? Like Dan Jacoby?)
...weakness -- tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part -- it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.


There were several red flags that went off in my head but I just brushed them off or reasoned them away. There were things I wasn't comfortable with.
Bullshit Pictures, Images and Photos

Since many psychopaths need much less sleep than normal people, lack of sleep is likely to catch up with her. The psychopath consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the psychopath, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extroverted, highly exciting persona.


I am a victim of sexual abuse and we talked about it and he wanted to help me. (Click here for a great article that speaks to this tactic) Wanted to know all the details so he could "lead me to healing. "
There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive... You do not respect marriage vows or family ties.

Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.


At one point he told me his sexual fantasies and wanted me to tell him mine. I didn't and when I said I couldn't he said, "I wonder why this isn't working. I might have to come and see you." That has always stuck in my head because I was wondering what he meant. (Readers, this is easy. It was one of those rare times all Cyberpaths do when they slip up and are actually honest -- but the victim is by then, too hypnotized to see their real agenda! Darden's agenda was the same as many of our Cyberpaths: SEX -- either cybersex, real life sex or both!)

Again I brushed it off, thinking he meant he was trying to help me and it wasn't working.

Christian Come On

[L]ure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art...

Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction.

Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.


Although he professed to be a 'christian' man he started sending me youtube videos of secular songs with sexual lyrics and images. I brushed it off thinking "he loves me and is just expressing his love." (Abuse survivors are often numb to these sort of boundary violations; which is why predators are always on the hunt for them!) The subject line was "Doin’ it in Your Ear Whole." (gross!)

He then declared his "love" for me, how he would "love me for a lifetime." He talked about "commitment and marriage." He told me he "told his ex-wife about us and she was devastated." He said she "never thought he would find someone." He also hinted he’d finalized the divorce.
(complete B.S. -- This is a typical Cyberpath ploy of roping the victim in with "shared guilt" -- now she feels complicit with 'breaking up his marriage' and him 'loving her.' It's Blame-Shifting 101!)

During all this I started feeling anxious and fearful. If I didn't hear from him (he pulled the disappearing act for a few days) I was in a panic. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. Even after I spoke with him I always had this strange anxious feeling. (Typical -- keep the victim on edge. Let them know that you will abandon them if they don't COMPLY! Keeps the victims Trauma Bonded to the Cyberpath.)

Then I noticed he was BACK on the dating site. AFTER he "declared his love for" me and how he was "committed to" me. (wonder how many other women he was telling that to) I never mentioned it to him. I was waiting for him to say something. He didn't.

Also, in the beginning, told me he was moving to my country. (sounds like Keith Clive) As it got closer to the time he said he was moving, he began hinting he wasn't coming anymore. He said "his children didn't want to" although he'd told me "they were so excited before." He made me believe his children were preventing him from having his own life and he would have to wait.
(More bullpocky! He had no intention of moving from the beginning. Complete liar. Convenient to dump people who live nowhere near you when all you want is online games.)
The psychopath and the stage of his luring are as shallow and phoney as the cut out. With a complete straight face, he can say one thing and do another, do something and say the opposite, or say and do the opposite of what he did last week.

These dichotomies produce serious distress in the women because of the chronic instability in the relationship. As they try to align themselves with his belief system, it shifts. As they try to align with his behaviors or promises, these shift. This constant shifting and moving keeps women off-balance and continuously striving to stabilize the relationship.


He played mind games. One example was: we were holding hands over cyberspace, he said could "actually feel his hand in mine." And I actually felt it too. Or... thought I did. Sometimes it felt as if he was right there beside me. (This is part of the Trance & Mind Control used by the pathological Cyberpath. Many of our victims reported this exact same experience with their Cyberpath!)
The unrepentant excuse themselves, and motivated by an unconscious desire to be excused by others (not forgiven, which implies confession and contrition), he will readily excuse the faults and failings of others, obliging them to do likewise. Hence, the current widespread approbation of tolerance as the perfection of justice.

But tolerance is not necessarily a virtue, for there is a great deal that love refuses to tolerate. Again, such confusion only establishes the conditions that the character disordered depend upon in order to keep themselves from being exposed. We can undermine such conditions by praying that we might be given a horror of sin and by cultivating a hatred of injustice.


Friday, December 05, 2008

The "Other Woman" in the 'Second Life' Divorce Case

The 'other woman' in Second Life divorce...
who's now engaged to the web cheat she's never met

Second Life Pictures, Images and Photos

The new fiancee of Second Life love rat David Pollard, whose marriage crumbled when his wife caught him 'having online sex with her', was unmasked today - and denied the pair had had a cyber-affair.

Linda Brinkley, 55, known on the multi-player online game as Modesty McDonnell, revealed that since her online fling with David Pollard the couple had become engaged in real life.

But Miss Brinkley today denied that her internet love affair with Mr Pollard had led to the break-up of the 40-year-old's marriage to ex-wife Amy Taylor.

When their computer-generated selves clapped eyes on each other, she said, it was 'love at first sight'. But she claimed they were only friends until David split with his wife.

Miss Brinkley fell for David after her online character Modesty McDonnell began working as a hostess in the nightclub he runs on the web-based reality game.

Their bond in the game is now so strong that they have become engaged in real life - despite never having met outside the computer-generated world.

In the Second Life world players adopt a new identity and can move around, work and socialise in a computer-generated environment.

Miss Brinkley, of Arkansas, USA, said: 'When we first met it was at a fancy dress night on the game and he noticed me across the room and said he felt something special.

Happily married in Second Life: Modesty McDonnell (Linda Brinkley) and Dave Barmy (David Pollard), who are also engaged in real life.
'I felt it too so it really was like love at first sight. It was kind of strange at first because I never thought anything like this would happen to me.

'But we gradually built up our relationship and got closer until he proposed to me online for real. I was surprised but part of me knew it was coming and of course I said yes.

'He's told me that his relationship with his wife was over way before I came along and he's been very honest with me so I take his word for that.

'We've never met in real life but we've got each other's pictures. I'm really nervous about meeting him but at the same time I'm looking forward to it more than you could know.

'It's amazing that we've found each other across so many miles and we love each other very much. It's my dream to finally to meet up with him and it's all because of the game.'

David was dumped by first wife Amy after she allegedly caught his character Dave Barmy cheating with Modesty McDonnell, who she claimed was a prostitute.

But Modesty insists her avatar is a 'hostess' in Dave's online nightclub 'Holodeck'.

In the game their characters married after a whirlwind romance at a small ceremony attended by just seven guests.

Just weeks later David, of Newquay, Cornwall, proposed to Linda for a second time and the pair now plan to marry for real.

Amy Pollard, left, and her online character Laura Skye. Amy has filed for divorce after she caught her husband Dave having a 'virtual' affair online with a computer-generated female character

Linda, who has four children from two previous marriages, only started playing Second Life a month before meeting Dave so she could stay in touch with her sister.

She added: 'I would say I'm in love with Dave. I've been married in real life before but they weren't really good relationships and I haven't had much luck with men until now.

'I chat to him on the phone over the internet for at least two hours every night. We are always together. The only thing stopping us meeting is the distance and the money but we have exactly the same goals in life.'

Linda, a former special needs carer, is currently unemployed but intends to take an online degree in Religious Studies and hopes to work as a missionary.

She has three children aged 35, 33 and 30 from her first marriage and another son aged 15 from her second marriage.

David also insists he and Linda were only 'hanging out' together in Second Life and never indulged in cyber-sex before his real marriage to Amy was over.
'We weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that we were just chatting and hanging out together," he said.

'It was nothing really major but then Amy found out about it and went mad I don't think I was really doing anything wrong.'

Yesterday it was revealed that David and Amy had met while playing the game before marrying in real life.

But while the internet brought them together, it eventually tore them apart.

One day, Miss Taylor, 28, found Mr Pollard at the computer - watching his avatar having sex with a prostitute in Second Life.
She said: 'I went mad - I was so hurt. I just couldn't believe what he'd done.

'I looked at the computer screen and could see his character having sex with a female character. It's cheating as far as I'm concerned.

'But he didn't see it as a problem, and couldn't see why I was so upset.

'He said I was just making a big fuss and tried to make out it was my fault for not giving him enough attention.'

Using the virtual world's own special currency, she hired an online private detective to investigate his adultery.

However, back in their real lives, the Pollards managed to patch things up.

But then in April this year Mrs Taylor caught her husband's avatar in another compromising position.

She claims he was having ' cybersex' with a female player in the U.S. - chatting intimately in the virtual world.

Although Mr Pollard and the woman had never even met outside the game, Miss Taylor said that she was devastated by what she considered to be his very real betrayal.
She said: 'I caught him cuddling a woman on a sofa in the game. It looked really affectionate.

'He turned off the computer monitor and I turned it back on and demanded to look at his chat history.

'But he turned off the computer so the history was all deleted - and I ended up going off in floods of tears.

'He confessed he'd been talking to this woman player in America for one or two weeks, and said our marriage was over and he didn't love me any more, and we should never have got married.'

The next day, Miss Taylor went to a solicitor to file for divorce from her 40-year-old husband of three years on the grounds of ' unreasonable behaviour'.
me at first Pictures, Images and Photos

Luckily, she now has a new man in her life - whom she met while playing the internet fantasy role-playing game World Of Warcraft.

From her home in Newquay, Cornwall, she said yesterday: 'It has been a very difficult time for me. I am now just trying to move on with my life.

People find love in lots of different ways. Ours was a very serious marriage.
'It may have started online but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over.'

She added: 'His was the ultimate betrayal and I felt absolutely terrible.

'I know it sounds bizarre but he had admitted to an earlier incident and he knew how I felt about it.'

Miss Taylor said: 'I still go online and play Second Life but not as much. There's still a chance I could bump into him on there.

'I have met somebody new and we are living together. I am very happy. I know it all sounds pretty strange - but it works for me.'

Her ex-husband, who would only speak to the Mail through his character on Second Life, said yesterday: 'I don't think I was really doing anything wrong.'

And he claimed that the problem was not Second Life, but his real life relationship with Miss Taylor.
'Amy never did anything around the house,' said Mr Pollard. 'She just played World of Warcraft all the time.

'If I wanted to spend time with her I had to ask - but it was always too much trouble for her to come off the game to spend time with me.'

For REAL LIFE pictures of these people & the original article - CLICK HERE


Saturday, November 29, 2008

MySpace Suicide "Murderer" Convicted on 3 Counts

A mother who helped arranged a cruel internet hoax that apparently drove a 13-year-old girl to suicide has escaped conviction on charges that could have put her in prison for 20 years.
Lori Drew, 49, from Missouri, was instead convicted of only three misdemeanour offences of accessing computer without authorisation. Each is punishable by up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine.

Prosecutors, who described the trial as the first “cyber-bullying” case, said that Ms Drew and two others, her assistant, Ashley Grills, 18, and her daughter, Sarah, 13, created a profile of a fictitious 16-year-old boy on MySpace, the social networking website, and sent flirtatious messages from him to a teenage neighbour, Megan Meier.

They named the boy Josh Evans and posted a photograph of him on his fake profile page, in which he appeared bare-chested and with tousled brown hair.

Ms Drew then had their fictitious boy “dump” the girl by saying: “The world would be a better place without you.”

Megan promptly hanged herself with a belt in her bedroom closet.
Thomas O'Brien, the chief federal prosecutor, in his closing argument, said: “Lori Drew decided to humiliate a child. The only way she could harm this pretty little girl was with a computer.

"She chose to use a computer to hurt a little girl, and for four weeks she enjoyed it.”

During the trial, it was claimed that Ms Drew wanted to hurt Megan for saying unkind things about her own teenage daughter. It was also claimed that Ms Drew knew that Megan suffered from depression, ADHD and was emotionally fragile.

Nevertheless, a federal jury in Los Angeles rejected three felony charges against Ms Drew of accessing computers without authorisation to inflict emotional harm, and the judge, George Wu, declared a mistrial on another charge of conspiracy.

The case hinged on an unprecedented interpretation of computer-fraud law.

Ms Drew was not directly charged with causing Megan's death. Instead, prosecutors indicted her under the federal Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, which in the past has been used in hacking and trademark theft cases. Among other things, Ms Drew was charged with conspiring to violate the fine print in MySpace's terms-of-service agreement, which prohibits the use of fake names and harassment of other MySpace members.
Missouri authorities said there was no state law under which Drew could be charged. But federal prosecutors in California claimed jurisdiction because MySpace is based in Beverly Hills. After the suicide, Missouri passed a state law against cyber-harassment.

Similar federal legislation has been proposed in Washington.

Ms Drew's lawyer, Dean Steward, said: “I don't have any satisfaction in the jury's decision. I don't think these charges should have ever been brought.”

Tina Meier, the mother of the dead girl, said: "For me it's never been about vengeance. This is about justice.”

MySpace, which is a division of News Corporation, owner of The Times, said in a statement that it “respects the jury's decision and will continue to work with industry experts to raise awareness of cyber-bullying and the harm it can potentially cause.”


EOPC is disgusted at the non-conviction on felony charges and hopes that Mrs. Drew at LEAST does some jail time.

To Mrs. Meier - PLEASE sue this woman in Civil Court for "Wrongful Death" and "Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress." Remember, Civil Court was the only way the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson got ANY justice at all.

And to Mrs. Drew... what we'd like to say to you is unprintable. We hope Drew's children are removed from her home and from her sociopathic influence asap. - Fighter

Lori Drew Verdict: Bad Law Threatens Us All

Friday, November 28, 2008

Steven Langley Guy: Game Playing Cyberpath

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Steven Langley Guy

AGE: 50-51
FROM: Croydon, Adelaide, South Australia
on Soulseek (filesharing network);
smguy2 on Beliefnet.com

Suchiiben-Chan on MySpace

This man started an Internet relationship with me, telling me he was single, despite being married and the father of two young children.

When confronted with his own negative words about his wife and kids (written to a public message board) he attempted to deny it, then vanished.

He comes across as very genteel, articulate, refined, a classical music lover and a "gentleman." But all he's really interested in is playing games with vulnerable & trusting women over the internet.

I got the whole "you're the One, my soul mate" and "I want to be with you in the future" crap and he laid mind-control, romantic lures on me heavily.

When confronted, he called me crazy, denied it, then put me on IGNORE on all chat programs, probably blocked me and vanished. Like cockroaches do when you switch the light on.

I truly pity his wife - someone ought to warn her.
busted Pictures, Images and Photos

UPDATE - Mr. Guy tried to have this removed by posing as his ex-wife and his son by saying that Mr Guy "tried to commit suicide" because of this posting. He then sent threats to EOPC - all these things came from the same IP!! LOL!!

Mr. Guy has tried to sneak on to our support group and continues to come to this board in hopes to find some way to get himself removed without apologizing to his victim and/or to find ways to blame her and make himself look like the victim.

Sound familiar??

(unfortunately, sometimes the wives have been told - the predator/ husband lies to them and the wives believe it - and turn on the victim too. Or they stick up for the cheater and say it was a mistake.... please forgive him. Gridney/ YidwithLid's wife, for example, has participated in harassing one of his victims. Goodness knows what these guys tell the wives!)

What about the victim? Do these cheaters ever go back and apologize and speak openly to them? Help the victim heal? No!! they seem to just disappear/ run away/ change nicknames or trolling sites AND blame the victim for everything. Spare us, we hear that one pretty often and we know better.

Still we believe spouses/ partners should be told. - Fighter
pervert Pictures, Images and Photos

Another victim wrote us about this sick Cyberpath:

Steven Langley Guy goes by the alias Suchiiben-Chan on myspace & preyed on my compassion and good nature by pretending to be a 15 year old child who lost both his parents & had various friends die tragically in the past few years.

As a psychic healer, I took great pity on this "child", worried that he was suicidal & spent late nights chatting to him on myspace to give him hope for the future and support over the Internet.

It was only when I said that I felt he was an "old soul" that he admitted that he was "playing" (did it for fun) about being 15 and was, in fact, a man in his late 40's...!!!

That angered me & I deleted him as a myspace "friend" (he put in the request) as I abhor dishonesty! I feel his soul is tainted in some way & that he takes great joy / satisfaction in leading women down the garden path...!

In my case, I didn't buy his "little kid" crush comments about me as I am used to getting them but I can certainly imagine someone on a dating or social website being pulled into believing that crap.

These people should not be allowed to prey on the goodness / kindness of others and maliciously mislead/hurt people. It is unacceptable behavior and should not be tolerated.

Steven Langley Guy - you are an evil Internet Predator... may karma reap it's just reward. That's all I have to say.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Fake Military & Cyberpath - Haberman

...On Sept. 7, 2006, Rhoad appeared as the defendant in a domestic violence lawsuit -- the charge was cyberstalking -- brought by her ex-husband, Phil Haberman. He wanted an end to her e-mails, her missives to his boss, her online tracking of his whereabouts. And he wanted an end to her blog, The Rhoad Warrior, which was dedicated solely to writing about him.

They met on Match.com. The single mother, then living in Las Vegas, couldn't resist when the guy from Special Forces messaged her. The two met for dinner at Gardunos, a Mexican restaurant at The Palms hotel off the Vegas strip. They were married a month later.

But it wouldn't last. Haberman moved on even before their bitter annulment, eventually settling in Sarasota County, while Rhoad moved to San Diego.

And like many scorned lovers, she turned to the most efficient weapon in her arsenal: the Internet. She spun her side of the story to online publications like Lovefraud.com and greensickle.com, and eventually started her own blog.

Set against a brown floral background, Rhoadwarrior became a repository for her outrage. In just a few months, she imbued the website with research into ...Haberman's best-kept secrets and most-private embarrassments.

Now, nearly three years after exchanging vows and two months after the blog began, Haberman was in court, asking for her to get out of his life completely. Through the hiss of the audio recording taken during the hearing in Sarasota County, Rhoad and Haberman's voices sound equally resolute as they make their cases before Judge Robert Bennett Jr.
"She hunts me down," Haberman stated in his testimony. "She tracks me down."

"What's the purpose of this, your honor, but to harass for no apparent reason, via Internet?" he asked the judge.

"I don't write to harm him," Rhoad testified in response. "I write to expose him."

She told the court that Haberman hadn't worked with Special Forces, that he'd committed bigamy and falsely claimed he received a Purple Heart. (Haberman's lawsuit did not contest or refute the allegations in Rhoad's blog, nor did he deny any of its claims during the court hearing. He declined two requests from Creative Loafing to comment for this story.)

"The reason I posted my blog," Rhoad told the court, "is for clarification of who Phil Haberman is and to warn people of his sociopathic behavior."

Bennett didn't see it that way.

On grounds of cyberstalking, he ordered Rhoadwarrior taken down. Rhoad has refused, claiming the injunction unconstitutional. On Jan. 16, Judge Bennett responded to Rhoad's civil contempt of court with an order to return to the Sarasota courthouse on Jan. 25 or face a bench warrant for her arrest.

Bennett may have had reason to find Rhoad guilty of cyberstalking. But considering the murky and constantly evolving legal status of freedom of speech on the Internet, his ruling also challenged the First Amendment.

BREAK-UPS CAN BE HARD, but the Internet has revolutionized amorous revenge. And the judicial system is not necessarily keeping up with technology.

"[Bloggers' rights] is very much an emerging area of the law," says Gerald Weber, legal director for the Georgia branch of the ACLU. "Personal jurisdiction comes up with some frequency, and there are a lot of unsettled questions."

Many of which are coming from those -- mostly men -- who've inspired the wrath of Web-savvy exes. Sites like DontDateHimGirl.com, where former dates can review and comment anonymously on men, have gathered nationwide attention.

Tasha Joseph, a Miami Beach entrepreneur, launched the site in July 2005, describing it six months later to The New York Times as a "dating credit report." Even though the site's terms of use state contributors cannot post untrue or defamatory information, some men have claimed that comments saying they have herpes or sleep with men are not only false, but have caused them emotional and monetary damage.

Last June, Pittsburgh lawyer Todd Hollis slapped Joseph, the site's domain owner, and several DontDateHimGirl.com posters with a $50,000 defamation suit. Joseph argues that her site is protected by the 1996 Communications Decency Act, a protective measure for Web hosts distinguishing them from their users. (The law was cited in a November 2006 decision in California that found webmasters and bloggers not liable for defamatory comments written by others on their sites.) Hollis maintains that the defamatory language should provide him rights to certain damages.

Hollis' suit was dismissed and
DontDateHimGirl.com is still going strong.

First Amendment law places some limits on speech, and those same limits apply online: False allegations and direct threats aren't covered.

"Concerning the rights of one citizen to speak about another citizen, the online world doesn't have any special rules," says John Morris, a staff attorney at the D.C.-based Center for Democracy and Technology.

An ex with a Web connection can plaster information online for thousands to see. Charges against lovers (or co-workers, friends, even junior high classmates) can quickly circulate through cyberspace with the assistance of sites like MySpace.com and Blogspot, and end up in the real world.

AT THE BEGINNING OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP, Haberman and Rhoad made an attractive couple.

She, slim and doe-eyed, looked younger than her 38 years. He, almost six years her junior, showered her with compliments and seemed to glow with intelligence.

"The nice, 'good boy' kind of thing," Rhoad recalls. "He seemed clean cut -- the puppy dog eyes! -- and he traveled a lot. He sounded like he was established."

Plus, he was a soldier. According to Rhoad, he even wore a black long-sleeved Special Forces shirt to their first date.

"I'd had a streak of bad luck with men," she says. "I figured, 'Military, they do background checks and keep in shape.'" Having grown up in Phoenix, Rhoad had a thing for troops; at 16, she'd dated a Marine.

Though they had known each other less than a month, Rhoad was convinced Haberman was a good catch. She had been through a messy divorce and a string of "losers with no jobs." To care for her 13-year-old daughter, Heather, she had been balancing work as a legal aide with modeling gigs and small walk-on roles in Vegas-based flicks like Casino and Showgirls. She says she was unemployed and living on food stamps when her romance with Haberman began.

Within weeks, he and his dog had moved in, but money remained tight. Rhoad even stripped at a local club for three days. "I was working the b-shift," she recalls, "the day shift. The kind of place where you're lucky if you leave with the 20 dollars you paid out."

On Jan. 9, 2004, her last night dancing, Haberman had news. He'd just gotten orders to ship to Iraq, and wanted to know, would she marry him?

Rhoad accepted -- "It's Vegas, you know?" -- and right after their lickety-split vows the following day, he left for Fort Bragg.

Soon, however, Rhoad was accusing Haberman of cheating (in the September hearing, she accused him of proposing to four different women while still married to her). The distrust only deepened when he was deployed to Iraq in March.

"I'd had it with him," she says. "[But] it's supposed to be 'good or bad or otherwise,' you know?"

She stayed with him, but began investigating her husband's finances, specifically money Haberman received from the military.

Military personnel on permanent duty are eligible for basic allowance for housing (BAH) payments, which vary depending on where they live and whether they have dependents. Key West, where Haberman had a P.O. box, has high property values and thus one of the highest BAH rates in the country. Believing she deserved a part of his payments because he was living with her when he left for his service, Rhoad filed complaints with the military, according to evidence in the September hearing.

Just seven months after their wedding, Haberman filed for an annulment. In a rage, Rhoad upped her research of her now ex-husband, beginning an investigation into his military credentials and reaching out to members of the press in an attempt to get her version of his story told.

A reporter at the Dallas Observer, an alternative newsweekly, Whitley was also the co-author of Stolen Valor, a book about people who lied about their military service during Vietnam. After Rhoad contacted her, Whitley took an interest in the story and launched her own investigation into Haberman's military history. What Rhoad did to disseminate Whitley's findings would play a central role in the ongoing story of her relationship with Haberman.

Whitley tracked down Haberman's military records through Freedom of Information Act requests, and contacted his teachers, relatives and other acquaintances in Dallas. Through this investigation, which lasted nearly three months, she uncovered discrepancies in Haberman's military record.

In September 2005, the Observer published her lengthy report ("G.I. Jerk"), with a subhead deflating his Special Forces credentials ("He's about as real as Rambo"). The article piqued the interest of wounded veterans angered by Haberman's alleged lies and feminists sympathetic to Rhoad's plight, like Donna Andersen.

Andersen, a self-described victim of "cheating," (cheating? try bigamy, fraud & a serial con man) has been prolific in her own online reporting. On her site, Lovefraud.com, she posts stories about con men and criminals, all purportedly guilty of deception in their marital and romantic lives.

Two months after Whitley's article went live on dallasobserver.com, Andersen published her own account of Haberman and Rhoad's relationship.

Phil Haberman's campaign to get stories about him removed from the Internet began long before he sought an injunction against Rhoad.

Haberman left a voice mail for Lovefraud on February 22, 2006. He demanded that the True Lovefraud Story about him, originally published in November, 2005, be removed. The message was ignored.

He called back on March 27 and said Lovefraud's report that he was no longer in the military was untrue. "I'm in a new reserve unit in Florida ," Haberman said. He was asked to supply documentation of his reenlistment.

None was received.

Haberman's campaign picked up steam in June when he sent Lovefraud a scan of his new military ID. The card showed an issue date of May 30, 2006 and an expiration date of October 30, 2007. To verify Haberman's claim, Lovefraud contacted the P.O.W. Network.

...All of these websites had posted their Haberman stories before Rhoad launched her blog on July 13, 2006. All of the authors had conducted their own research and determined that Haberman's stories were half-truths, exaggerations or outright lies.

....Kristen Rhoad was prepared to present proof to the Florida court that the statements in her blog were true, and that Haberman was a fraud. She had the following with her:

  • Proof that Haberman was not currently in the Florida National Guard
  • Military documents that Haberman had forged
  • Military discharge documents, indicating "other than honorable" discharges
  • Confirmation that Haberman had received $17,000 in excess military payments
  • Proof that Haberman had taken $5,000 from another female victim
  • Proof that Haberman's wages were being garnished
  • Letter from Haberman's employer stating that he was a fraud
  • Records of civil and criminal cases against Haberman in Florida

Rhoad was never given the opportunity to present the documents into evidence.

...Rhoad said she posted information about Haberman to warn other women about him. She has heard from women thanking her for the information...

Lovefraud received the following e-mail in May, 2006:

Ha, too funny. He started IM'ing me on AOL. I KNEW he was a psycho, so I did some research and found your article. His AOL screen name is Forcreconmarine. Too funny, what a psycho; and YES, he does have a temper.

Saw it come out when I declined his offer for a home cooked meal, with his request that I wear stockings, garters and stilettos. I said, "You're looking for a prostitute buddy," and blocked him. He is still on though - constantly!!!

With the Observer story in hand, Rhoad got in touch with POWNetwork.org, a not-for-profit website that tracks prisoners of war, soldiers missing in action and a group it calls "Phonies & Wannabees." After receiving a tip about a soldier's service -- or lack thereof -- P.O.W. Network then verifies the accusation by talking to troops who served with the soldiers in question.

The website, which boasts an archive of over 60,000 documents, started researching Haberman in November 2004. "We requested military records from the St. Louis Records Center," says co-founder Mary Schantag. Haberman sent records himself, hoping to clear his name, she says, and others were tracked through military service branches. Many of the posts on the P.O.W. Network page devoted to Haberman -- links to articles, clips and blog entries -- came from Rhoad.

Soon Haberman's photo, and his sullied reputation, would become a mainstay on at least four military-themed blogs.

Then, in July 2006, another blog joined the digital discussion.

For Rhoad, setting up an online journal of her own wasn't difficult. On Blogger.com, the terms of service are defined: While bloggers are advised to steer clear of slander, the site claims no responsibility for any false statements.

A blog was the perfect medium for her message.

In the beginning, RhoadWarrior blog posts came out in long form. She ruminated about her feelings for him: "Let's get one thing straight -- I do not want Phil back in my life." She called him names: "I know Phil is a small, insignificant scumbag at the bottom of the military's list of prosecution."

She gave sweeping descriptions of Haberman's alleged wrongdoings:

According to the September testimony of North Port Police Department detective Mary Thoroman -- who made a point of saying that she had run a clean background check on Haberman -- Rhoad wrote that he had been arrested on a theft charge and dishonorably discharged twice.

...Rhoad also posted definitions of her own First Amendment rights.

"Is my blog slanderous?" she wrote. "Not even."

As evidenced in the pleading of the September hearing, Rhoad began adding other juicy tidbits about Haberman's affairs. She published updates on at least one woman she alleged Haberman had "scammed" out of $5,000, e-mails from informants stating where he might be working -- even his address and a picture of his house.

Finally, Rhoad provided a full catalog of links to other blogs lambasting her estranged ex-husband, and included the P.O.W. Network and the articles from both Whitley and Andersen.

Meanwhile, Haberman prepared his own retaliation.

On Aug. 23, 2006, he filed for a temporary restraining order against Rhoad. Accusing her of domestic violence, Haberman claimed she had been "cyberstalking" him through e-mails and her blog.

"At the annulment hearing," he alleged in his petition, "[Rhoad] said afterwards to me that 'This is not over and never will be. You WILL PAY for what you did to me. Mark my words.'"

He continued with anecdotes about Rhoad's planned attacks on him, as relayed from her daughter to a friend of Haberman's. Citing numerous sustained injuries to his morale, he snapped back with character slams of his own.

"I have genuine fear of Kristen and what she will do," he wrote. "She has the ability to manipulate and connive people to doing what she wants by eliciting sympathy out of others. All it will take is for someone to read her blog, click the links, and decide they want to come to my house and take care of me the way she wishes to have done."
(readers, does this sound familiar?? How many times have we heard this baloney? - Fighter)

Haberman knew what he wanted; his petition ended with several requests. Along with a halt on Rhoad's direct communication with him, he pleaded for an end to his ex-wife's online scavenger hunt.
"I am also asking for an injunction to be issued ordering her blog, and any collaborations she has had with other internet sites to be removed from the internet. These should include greensickle, the Dallas Observer, Lovefraud, POW Network, Veriseal, MySpace and Blogspot."

The hearing was scheduled for early September, to be presided over by 12th Circuit Judge Robert Bennett Jr. in Sarasota County.

HABERMAN'S REQUEST TO SHUT DOWN RHOAD'S BLOG stumps some legal experts weighing in on the case.

"Normally, people don't do it this way," says University of Florida law professor Lyrissa Lidsky, former associate dean of UF's law school and a First Amendment expert.

The problem, she explains, is that in this case, an "injunction" -- or court-ordered halt of an activity or behavior -- serves as a form of "prior restraint," in effect stopping Rhoad from continuing her writing in the future.

While protective orders are routine in stalking cases to prevent victims from being confronted by their harassers, those restrictions do not typically limit speech.
"If the speech is legal, if it's truthful," says Morris of the Center for Democracy and Technology, "then I'm skeptical that it ought to be taken down."

The best chance Haberman would have for getting Rhoad's blog removed, Lidsky says, would be to prove it full of lies or threats of violence.

"If Rhoad's stories are false," she says, "Haberman has a right to sue her for defamation."

But, she says, taking a blog off the Web in this situation, based on anything but its accuracy or its threatening nature, would likely be a violation of the First Amendment.

ON THE MORNING OF SEPT. 7, Rhoad, Haberman and his primary witness, North Port Police detective Thoroman, appeared in Courtroom J before Bennett. Haberman was asked to testify first in the civil hearing.

He made two points. The first was that Rhoad had left voicemails in 2004 stating she would seek revenge. Second, he was eager to prove that Rhoad's e-mails, the stories on LoveFraud and the P.O.W. Network, and her blog had combined to cause him harm. (Under Florida's cyberstalking statute, to cause someone "substantial emotional distress" through online communication without serving a "legitimate purpose" is illegal.)

"Anything and everything that she can do," he testified to the judge, "in order to cause me emotional duress, emotional stress, anything -- it's what she's doing."

"Under freedom of speech, your honor, the First Amendment gives me the right to post on the Internet, true allegations. True!" said Rhoad.

"Is he in danger of being found that he is a fraud and a con artist?" she asked.

"That is a civil side of the law," Thoroman responded. "And that is not my jurisdiction."

Bennett asked her directly.

"And your purpose for posting all this over the Internet is what, exactly?"

"To alert the women who have been his victims like me," she answered. She wanted "to warn people of who Phil Haberman is."

The judge wasn't impressed.

"I think, Ms. Rhoad," he said, "you're a menace. I think you're absolutely motivated by revenge and a desire to destroy this man. Your allegations may be true; the First Amendment protects you to the extent that you don't use it to harm others. [But] the First Amendment is not an absolute guarantee. None of the Bill of Rights is absolute."

Rhoad reports that she was stunned. But the judge had more to say.

"We can't use our free speech to set out and accomplish the destruction of a person's reputation," he said.

His decision was succinct but ambitious.

"Respondent shall remove, or cause to be removed, all blogs, e-mails or other Web-based communications to petitioner or third parties that refer to petitioner and which are posted, or caused to be posted, by respondent."

Reading his order to the defendant, Bennett acknowledged its pitfalls. "I don't know how you go about doing that," he said. "But that's going to be required. You are to have absolutely no contact with this gentleman, directly or indirectly. If this injunction is violated further I can sentence you to six months in county jail, and don't think that I will not do it."

The audio recording of the trial ends with Haberman verifying that all related pages would have to be taken off the Web.

BENNETT DECLINED CL'S INVITATION to comment on the ramifications of shutting down Rhoad's blog; exactly how one follows such a ruling remains difficult to determine. Because the allegations on the blog were not proven true or false -- and thus not liable for defamation -- applying the ruling to the blog is a challenge.

Cyberstalking charges are typically grounded in some form of direct communication, such as e-mail. Yet in this case, a blog was treated with the same parameters as an e-mail -- whether it arrived in an inbox or sat in cyberspace didn't matter.

"Harassing e-mails are really different than a blog," says Morris, "and I think would be treated differently from a constitutional perspective. If one person is harassing from e-mail, throwing toilet paper on the house, if you have an action like that it can certainly be enjoined."

Lidsky says blogging should not count as cyberstalking at all.

"It seems farfetched that blogging could be a form of domestic violence," says Lidsky. "From what I understand, the cyberstalking statute is designed for, well, stalking-like activities: 500 phone calls a day, that kind of constant harassment. But telling your story on a blog? That doesn't seem like domestic violence to me, but then again," she says with a laugh, "I'm only a First Amendment specialist."

While Lidsky says that blogging does count as communication, as it has a definite audience, "I don't think that's what the statute was designed to address," she says.

"If a blog could now be enjoined under cyberstalking, during any heated divorce, that could have a lot of implications for free speech. What's the difference between this and a memoir?"

Finally, the injunction is only valid throughout the state. But "[Rhoad] doesn't have the technical means to keep her blog out of Florida," says Lidsky. "In foreign countries, some bigger organizations have managed to block content from going to certain places. For her to keep her blog out of Florida, she'd have to shut down her blog everywhere."

When she's not on the set working as an extra for TV movies ("It's good when it's good," she says of her day job), the aspiring starlet is still updating her blog, in violation of Bennett's decision. Other sites have continued to publish stories on the case -- LoveFraud wrote an account of the trial -- and the P.O.W. Network's Haberman page is still up, complete with Rhoad's posts.

Haberman hasn't given up fighting, either. In late October, he filed a motion for contempt of court with the state attorney, who rejected his case, referring him back to the 12th Circuit judge.

"As of today," Haberman wrote a few weeks later in his request for an emergency hearing to deal with Rhoad's violations, "there have been roughly 75 violations of the court order, which bars both direct and indirect contact with the plaintiff."

Half a week later, 12th Circuit Judge Lee Haworth denied the motion.

But with Judge Bennett's decision on the books, one can't help but wonder whether Rhoad shouldn't stop posting. She can't completely remove Phil Haberman from the Internet, but is it worth it to keep writing?

"I did think about doing that," she says, "but people keep e-mailing me: 'Thank you for posting your blog.' I realize it can look vindictive, my keeping a tab on him. But if people are aware of what's out there, I don't see the real harm."

People like Haberman rarely get arrested or prosecuted. I hear horror stories all the time of predators getting away with victimizing people. They run up credit cards and leave the victims with the debts. They falsely accuse their ex-spouses of being unfit parents and win full custody of children. They bleed their victims of assets, and then harass them through the courts, when the victims can’t afford to defend themselves.

Then the victims get no justice from the legal system.

Victims are frustrated. They’ve been had, and they know the predator is going to do it again. They at least want to warn others about the person who conned them, hoping to save someone else from the devastation they suffered.

I’ve seen that exposing con artists works. People have contacted both Rhoad and Lovefraud, expressing gratitude for the warnings about Haberman. They avoided becoming victims.

To me, posting the truth about a predator on the Internet is more than legitimate. It’s a public service.

(We, FightBigamy and other sites have also been threatened by cyber-conmen like Haberman... and none of us have removed these stories. Nor will we. We do not negotiate with con men & terrorists. - Fighter)

Creative Loafing (CL)