After realizing this Target wasn't going to play cyber-slap & tickle with him or send him the intimate photos he wanted... suddenly he has "reasons" not to move to her country; as he promised. He goes so far as to use his children as part of this reason!! (Predators will use anything - even children - to get to you, or dump you or simply get what they want when they want it) He probably also had someone else on the hook!
Our commentary is in DARK BLUE.
Darden's Target Continues:
This distance problem is what he used to end it.
He sent me a video of a song called "Yesterday.' A classic break-up song I guess. It was saying "sorry but my feelings have changed. " (They never changed, because he never HAD ANY REAL FEELINGS towards her)
Because he had told me about other relationships he had and how they had ended I knew something was not right. I didn't want to be one of those women. He talked about how he left them (there was always some bizarre, little reason. Never his fault, of course.) and how they chased after him. (Wanted me to know how desirable he was -- sounds just like Beckstead & Jacoby)
APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers.
Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.
So I changed my email address, and closed my YouTube account. I didn't want to be always looking for an email I thought for sure wouldn't come and I didn't want to be tempted to contact him. The only email I couldn't do anything about was my work email.
I then went on an already planned vacation with my children. When I came back there was an email from him at my work. Three of them actually. To make a long story not quite so long we were back in contact (by e-mail) but he was cold and distance so I e-mailed apologizing for anything I may have done to offend him. (Exactly what he wanted - for YOU to take the blame. Rodger, Jacoby, gridney/ Yidwithlid and Beckstead all wanted their Targets to take all the blame. And some did until they wised up that they'd been brainwashed, manipulated and had!)
That started it! (Watch how Darden puts his Target on the defensive for protecting herself!)
From: Darden's Victim
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:54:57 +0000
Subject: Seeking forgiveness
I apologize for offending you. My intentions were not to do so and I ask for your forgiveness.
If I'm understanding correctly, your feelings for me have changed. It would help me to know where our relationship stands right now so we can move on from here with openness, honesty, and transparency. Please let me know.
(Don't hold your breath, he will be bamboozling her with words even more now!)
Thank-you and God bless.
In love, XXXXXXX
During a series of emails, he tried to make me admit I was dishonest.
On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 6:32 PM, Darden wrote:
I am not holding any ill feeling towards you, You have apologized for offending me. I accept your apology though I don't know if I was offended at all. Maybe some of your actions were offensive, I don't know. (I have been too busy with other Targets these days)
I care too much for you for them to bother me. Some may say that I am foolishly in love with you. I say that i am in love with you. (LOL - sorry you can't be really in love with someone you never met. That's truly not possible and just a way to make her feel bad!) You showed me someone that I fell in love with. I met a person that I was willing to turn my whole life upside down for. I wanted to shake up the world for. (playing the hurt party... he wouldn't know what love was if it bit him on the nose!)
Then you took her away from me. I don't know what you did with her, Her leaving me left my whole world with a void in it. It felt like something worse than death because I was left with this taunting image. (You wouldn't engage in my online sex games!! Darn you!)
Someone who looked like my love and sounded like her but she was gone. (because she wouldn't do what I wanted and questioned me!) If that is what it feels like to be offended then I accept your apology,
I know that I don't want to ever be "offended" again. I feel more like a victim. It is said that victims often victimize. That is what is left. (playing Martyr Man, like Beckstead!)
Can we move forward? You tell me can we?
Here is my first installment of openness honesty and transparency. (gag us!)
In Love, ‘Jackson’
I couldn’t believe, knowing that I was a widow, that he would compare whatever he was accusing me of as ‘something worth than death.’ But I chose to ignore that. (Don't worry - he said it on purpose - knowing precisely how it would hurt you and probably 'trauma bond' you to him and make you doubt yourself! Don't forget he profiled you so he'd know how to hurt you when he wanted)
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Darden's Target
> Hi ‘Jackson’,
Thank-you for accepting my apology. I know that I am in love with you. When I received the video saying your feelings had changed it was like a knife to my heart. (he is probably so happy -- it had the effect he wanted and now he feels freer to toy with others online at the same time!)
I didn't contact you, I changed my email because I didn't want to victimize you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to contact you if you wanted time away from me. I thought that was what you wanted. I should have asked you. I should have clarified it with you there and then but you would often tell me about the other women you left and how they would keep calling you. (beware -- another guy saying:
- "women are chasing him" ala Beckstead;
- "women are stalking him" ala gridney/ Yidwithlid;
- "other women are lying about him" ala Jacoby;
- "women are obsessed with him" ala Hicks.
I wanted to respect your decision although I was dying inside. The night before, the last words you said to me were I love you sweetheart, and then the next day... the youtube video and nothing. It seems we both felt like victims.
I pray for you everyday because of the pain you went through during your marriage. (We'd bet he was abusive) It is said that victims often victimize. (it's called Reactive Abuse but he's the victimizer here! Lying about intent from Day One. Knowing you were a victim before made you pre-tenderized meat to him. He knows you may buckle under his guilt giving. A person who really cares about victims - doesn't put them in this position in the first place!)
But I believe this is a misunderstanding, on both our parts, not a victimization. Can we move forward?
I believe with God all things are possible. If God is in this then yes we can. If both our hearts are willing, then yes we can. Communication is so important. I would have liked to have known how you were feeling and I should have told you how I was feeling. Is what we have worth saving? I know it is. (of course with a NORMAL person it would be. There would be talking, honesty and healing and something new - maybe a friendship. This is the same thing gridney/ Yidwithlid's Target #1 tried to do and look what Yidwithlid did to her. Steven Miller's Target wanted to 'bury the hatchet' and move forward. Gareth Rodger's Target wanted closure and moving forward -- but both these Targets got blaming, shaming and anger. Both Miller and Rodger tried to have 'friends' of theirs talk to EOPC and their Targets to get them back 'in line' with taking all the blame. Our reaction, in a word: NO)
You know I love you with all my heart and soul.
This just made Darden feel free to let the accusations start because he knows they are making 'direct hits':
And what "provoked" this narc(issistic) attack? Did the narcissist feel threatened in any way? Was he slighted in any way? He should have been grateful that the other [ ] was so kind and forgiving, but instead he took this as a sign of weakness and attacked.
It's about time the professionals started making observations instead of divinations. If they do, they will find that what "provokes" a narc attack is nothing but vulnerability.
As in any PREDATOR.
On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 8:02 PM, Darden wrote:
I thought we had an honest relationship.
I no longer feel that you were being honest with me. I am a man. My pedigree is grounded and rooted in honesty. (Do you hear us rolling on the floor laughing?)
I know the way that i handled this was not right. I did not have the strength at the time to do anything other than what I did. I know it hurt you and for that I apologize. (This is a lame apology, typical from a pathological. It barely owns what he did and how he did it -- and just shifts everything back on HER!)
As you well know there is no easy way to break someone's heart. (But he probably knows a few nasty ways)
We spoke the sunday before and after our conversation I felt so taken for granted. I felt that everything that i thought we had was just my imagination. Everything became one great big blur. Nothing was distinct anymore.
After that very real conversation nothing else made sense. Everything else was just words with no real meaning behind them. Even now when you say that you closed out this and that for me.
My question is how was that for me? I felt like I was being seen as a stalker. lol. (BIZARRE COMMENT!)
I have to say the ball is truly in your court now. Like you said it takes two. That is something that we will have to work our way up to.
His perverted feelings are HIS problem, not yours. ...he will never run out of twisted excuses to irrationalize his attacks on you, so get off the guilt trip. His perversity is not YOUR vice.
Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap.
My feelings have changed. That does not mean that i am not in love with you. It means that I am unsure of you. (WTH?!? Word Salad alert!)
This is My second installment of openness honesty and transparency. (and bullpocky)
I defended my honesty. I used his words back at him because at this point, I really had no idea what he was talking about. (because he was twisting your mind with WORD SALAD! to create cognitive dissonance and guilt so you would do & give him what he wanted -- free online cybersex and an emotional toy)
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Darden's Victim
Please read my message again. I said I closed them for me, not for you. I closed them so I wouldn't contact you. So I wouldn't spend all my time looking for your email that I was sure would never come. I am being completely honest with you. (Of course you are. HE's not and he never was)
I appreciated you so much which is why I was so shattered. I'm sorry I wasn't able to communicate that effectively. I never took you for granted. I was confused because you were back on the [online dating site], yet you were talking about us being committed to each other. I didn't understand that. (It was all b.s. that's why. No one could have understood that line of garbage; and he's ticked that you "didn't!" He's worried you are starting to see what he really is.)
I am a woman of God. I do not lie. I too am grounded and rooted in honesty. The holy spirit dwells within me.
I am sorry you are unsure of me now. I don't know how to change that. (The only thing he was unsure of was having his hooks in her completely)
In love, XXXXXXX
On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 9:18 PM, wrote:
My head is buzzing right now. I was on [dating site] only because they sent me free days. I used so few of the free days that they tuned around the next week and gave me three more days. (ROFL!) I was not looking for love. (you were never looking for LOVE - you were looking for "fun")
I only checked my mail until I was contacted. that contact was an old acquaintance. If you had any doubt why didn't you tell me? I don't mean to cause you to doubt me or my love for you. (But you were right to doubt him!)
I don't have to go back and re-read your email. I do make mistakes. I like that you are willing to confront me with your concerns. (and he's going to duck those concerns as best he can with more blather about love & God -- things he can only TALK about)
I really think you should reflect back on our last conversation two sundays ago. If you want to tell me that it was me imagining things I can't accept that. We had a breakdown in our communication. We agreed that if the topic was to intense to talk about that we would agree not to talk about it. (too intense? like THE TRUTH?)
I felt that you let my hand go and wanted me not to notice it. I felt our connection was lost. Are you telling me it was all my imagination?
Now we’re getting closer to what he thinks she did wrong. She was dishonest and let go of his imaginary hand.(???!!!) (That's about as real as gridney/Yidwithlid's winner statement: "we've been more intimate online than we ever could be in person.") Come on, Darden... get real!
But he can't because he's pathological.
(we will finish this soon... due to the holidays our site managers are away or otherwise occupied. Have a great new year!)