Monday, December 31, 2012


(U.S.A.) A Tennessee woman was charged with filing a false rape claim after she admitted to police that she only did so because she 'didn't enjoy' their date.

Twenty-seven-year-old Lynette Lee told detectives in Clarksville, Tennessee that the unidentified man never actually raped her, and that she made the whole story up to get back at him for what she thought was a bad date.   Lee was charged with filing a false police report and held on a $2,000 bond.

Lee initially told police officers from a hospital that she was raped by a man she met on the online dating site Meetme.com.  Per her story, the two had agreed to meet up.

She then told authorities that the two of them went to an unknown location, where the man then removed his clothes and forced her to have sex with him, despite her desire not to.

Investigating the story, police interviewed the man, who promptly told them that the allegations against him were not true. He said that he did indeed meet with Lee and on the second date they had consensual sex. The man also said that they had a good time and made further arrangements to meet again.

Police then called in Lee who again told officers the same story as before. But shortly after, she asked them to drop the case and admitted that the incident had been completely fabricated.

Police said Lee told them she made up the story 'because she did not enjoy it and it was bad.'

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pornography & the Cyberpath

(writing in dark blue is from EOPC)
It is well-known that pathologicals (psychopaths/ sociopaths, narcissists) frequently have an
addiction to porn. That goes for Cyberpaths as well. Many Cyberpaths hide their porn addiction and others reveal it little by little. If the relationship ever moves to real life, the victim often finds all sorts of hard core porn on her computer or in the computer's history.
The advent of net-porn has not only made it very easy for these people to feed their porn addiction, Online Dating has provided living breathing supply. All they have to do is find the vulnerable, empathetic, trusting and compassionate to lay their seduction and NLP on and they have what they really want; as one victim put it -- "a blow up doll with a pulse."The reality? A Cyberpath uses you, your online words and in some cases, even your body to masturbate with. The brutal truth is that a Cyberpath cannot 'make love' no matter how much they may try to tell you that!!And for those who can afford it, online sex-cams, cybersex chats and even booking prostitutes can all be done from the home or office computer providing a 24/7 supply of sexual deviance for these men.What does this constant diet of porn do for these Predators? Reinforces their already incurable, fixed, unchangeable view of other people:

Pornography communicates its own “truths” about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies.
* Lie # 1: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts.Some pornography shows only the body and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

* Lie #2:
Women are a “sport.” Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Or having sex with prostitutes is a "hobby"; the men are "hobbyists."Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

* Lie #3:
Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her.
Porn tells us that women can be bought.

Lie #4: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. In fact, if someone is attracted to a heavyset woman, porn labels that a fetish, which means a sexual obsession or hang-up that isn't "natural."Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

Lie #5: Women like rape. “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn eroticizes rape and makes it arousing. Women are shown being tied up, beaten, and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and finally begging for more. Even while being tortured, the porn actors and actresses have a smile on their face — a look of intense enjoyment.Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

Second, being pathological, everyone is an object for them to use, abuse, and throw away when things get inconvenient or they get bored (which is frequent.) Emotionally dead and unavailable (
no matter what they SAY their actions always prove otherwise):

Pornography itself is about the objectification of women. In this context women are treated as things, receptacles and socially dissociated objects to be used and tossed aside. They are, in a word, not real. In fact, most men who indulge themselves in pornography would be appalled - despite the immediate response -- if their wife or girlfriend walked into the bedroom wearing fishnets, stilettos and a latex corset and wanted to get nasty.

Why? -- Because pornography is about emotional disconnection, not emotional connection - it fills a gap in emotional maturity and never the twain shall meet - at least not inside a healthy head.
(but it will with a CYBERPATH who sees sex & orgasm as 'love & feeling'!)

... What better place to interact in a pseudo-emotional manner than with women who aren't real?


Porn encourages the pathological Cyberpath's values and lack of empathy for others as well:

Pornography incites to men to commit rape and sexual violence against women and children. (Absolutely, and cybersex can be seen as a form of sexual violence when with a Cyberpath)

...Marshall said that 86% of convicted rapists said they were regular users of pornography; and 57% admitted direct imitation of pornographic scenes when they committed rape. In short, pornography is a teaching manual for rapists or the sexually violent. It provides ...visual models to use in committing his crimes.
(Question for victims reading this: How many times were you been 'chatting' with your Cyberpath and they took a LONG time to answer you? Or seemed to be distracted? In most of those cases, these Cyberpaths are WATCHING PORN WHILE TALKING TO YOU. It takes longer to type with one hand; and its virtually impossible to do 2 things at once with one hand. The computer is a sex toy to them and you are merely part of that toy; no matter what they SAY - they DO different!)

...Many are sociopaths who use violence to punish women. It is a matter of having power over a person or inflicting pain upon them. There is no sexual satisfaction involved. Yet, pornography use is closely related to the propensity of a man to act out his sexual fantasies by raping a woman.

(EOPC would include 'emotional rape' in that)
Bill Perkins, writing in When Good Men Are Tempted, cites the work of therapist Patrick Carnes, a well-known expert on sexual addiction. Carnes says that there are four clear indicators that a person has become addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors.
  • One: The sexual behavior is done in secret and the person frequently lies to cover up his actions;
  • Two: The behavior can become abusive and exploitative of others;
  • Three: The behavior is used to deaden painful feelings;
  • Four: The behavior is empty of genuine commitment and caring. These are the warning signs that a person is addicted.
... The internet is playing a large role in creating new sexual addicts. According to Christian counselor Rob Jackson, he is seeing an increasing number of pastors who are secretly involved in pornography. We expect the numbers to rise unless parents, pastors, and Christian leaders do not take drastic actions to cut off exposure to pornography. The numbers tell the story, but they cannot give us the full impact of how these sex addicts are destroying their own lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction.

The Internet is only compounding the problem and creating a whole new generation of sex addicts and potential sexual predators. Charles Colson has called Internet pornography "Spiritual Crack Cocaine," and indeed it is. In 2000, Focus on the Family conducted a survey with the respected Zogby International polling firm on the Internet surfing habits of Americans. The survey results indicate that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex sites on the Internet. Of those surveyed, 31% of the men said they had visited sex sites. Focus also found that 17.8% of those who claim to be "born again" Christians and 18% of those who are married have visited sex sites.


What is healthy sexual behavior vs. addictive sexual behavior?
Healthy Sexual Behavior
  • Mutual consent (free will)
  • Behavior is a want or desire
  • Fulfilling, enhancing, mood stabilizing
  • Personal interchange of emotion
  • Rare negative consequences
  • Enhanced self-worth
  • Sexual behavior is fulfilling, satiating
  • Balanced sexual behavior

Addictive Sexual Behavior

  • Coercion, victimization, and force by the addict
  • Behavior is a compulsion for instant gratification
  • Associated with severe mood shifts
  • Impersonal and emotional detachment
  • Negative consequences
  • Negative self-worth, shame, guilt
  • Lack of satiation, tolerance
  • Erratic sexual behaviors (excessive vs. anorexic)
Coleman-Kennedy, C. & Pendley, A. (2002). Assessment and diagnosis of sexual addiction. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 8(5), 143–151.
Cyberpathy CLEARLY falls into the second category with one word: COERCION.

Do not EVER let a Cyberpath convince you that you:

  • wanted it/ asked for it
  • you consented in any way
  • you knew it was a "game"
  • played the "game" with them
  • knew what 'the deal' was up front
  • its just us; no one will ever know
  • you are an addict, too
  • you enjoyed it
  • they've 'never done this before, either'
  • your needs were 'met too'
  • it's safer than the real thing

(we took some of the above lines directly from our Exposed Cyberpaths as reported by their victims!)

Our all time winner of the paramoralizing line from a Cyberpath regarding his coaxing one of his victims into cybering with him: "we have been more intimate online than we ever could be in real life." (Now readers, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?)

Frankly, the Cyberpath who coerces a vulnerable person into Cybersex is a Cyber-John "paying" for the sexual thrill with false promises and outright lies; while using you like an online prostitute (but not TELLING or BEING HONEST WITH YOU about that) including:

  • "I LOVE YOU"
  • we are soul mates/ twin souls
  • we were meant to be
  • I am nothing without you
  • I want to be with you so badly
  • I think about you all the time
  • I have waited all my life for someone like you
  • you are the only one I love
  • you're the reason I use porn; you make me feel this way!
  • [100s more guilt-dumping lines...]

Why do many Cyberpaths start relationships with women that they have NO INTENTION of meeting or even being a true friend to? Such as women 1000s of miles away, in other countries, etc.? (Yes, we know they
SAY the opposite)

The answer may be in excerpts from this article, WHY DO JOHNS BUY SEX?

why do large numbers of men prefer to buy it? Clare Spurrell sets out in search of the answer for the The Times (11/7/06):

It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter -- be it a one-night-stand or in a relationship -- cannot...

Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that
lack of any emotional obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex...
...When a man visits a prostitute, the mere act of handing over cash for services removes, in his mind, all emotional obligations to her.
“Money displaces the emotions. It frees you from that bond, that responsibility,” explains Sam. “The distance you get from exchanging cash for sex means that afterwards you don’t contemplate the impact on the prostitute.”

Most prostitutes are women far removed from his normal life -- she is not in his clique, he will never see her again, maybe she doesn’t come from the same culture as him or even speak the same language. The BMJ study revealed that this is why in the past five years most men who paid for sex were more likely to do so when they were abroad...

...Men often used prostitutes in their lunch hour...

And almost a quarter thought that
once they had paid for sex, they had free rein...


Some Cyberpaths who do travel to meet their targets for real sex and 'relationships' do it for the same reason. Out of sight, out of mind.

Those who do meet and move in with the women often blow through their money and keep them off-kilter with marathon sex while still using online porn and setting up 'casual sex' dates or putting profiles on Online Dating saying they are single to feed the sex addiction.

Online, you are just words on a screen. In real life, the sociopathic relationship parameters take over and you are still something to be used and tossed when the Cyberpath is done.
Obtaining intimate pictures may be used for blackmail against you when you find out their real agenda. Cybersex on webcam could be taped without your knowledge by the Cyberpath, again for blackmail and shaming you into silence about them. In their minds, part of your "payment" for participating!

Yes, PORN is a huge component in the psyche of these Cyberpaths: Pathologicals at the Keyboard. Porn feeds their view of others as objects for them to use. It's who they are and they can't be fixed with "love" or "religion."

Victims need to realize there is nothing they did or can do to help the sex-addict Cyberpath. Victims need to help themselves by blocking these guys, once they find out and staying OFF ALL Online Dating sites.

victims also state that once the Cyberpath is gone or has dumped them they have "sexual hyperarousal" issues. This is a LARGE component of PTSD and is most common in rape or sexual abuse victims. The same hormones that promote 'bondness' during sex are often released for NORMAL PERSONS during cybersex. In fact, Cyberpaths count on it! Having this symptom alone should tell the victims that:

  • it's NOT their fault
  • they did nothing wrong, nor did they encourage or ask for it
  • they are not "sick" (other than having PTSD) -- this is a huge red flag that seduction & covert mind control was used on them
  • they are VERY MUCH victims of sexual violence


A Good Article: He's Addicted to Net Porn

SOME OF OUR EXPOSED PREDATORS WHO WERE SEX and/or PORN ADDICTED (clicking on their name will take you to all the links to the stories of their victims):

Saturday, December 29, 2012




- smear you to everyone they can
- harrass you by phone or email (by sure to BLOCK their emails and instant messages or DO NOT REPLY - just save them. If they threaten you, go immediately to the authorities.)
- minimize or twist the truth about what happened to their friends, family, spouse, partners, co-workers
- do everything they can to make YOU look like the sick, mentally ill, distrubed ("scorned) or not credible person
- post you on every exposure site, revenge site or blog about you (often including 'information' on you that is completely false and made-up)
- use their 'proxies' (friends/ spouses in denial, other predators, etc) to help them discredit and smear you

- hire an attorney and give the attorney selective information to sue you for defamation and/or slander. (REMEMBER: the TRUTH is a 100% defense to this. Do not harass but 'stay the course'!)
- go to law enforcement, again with selective information, to have you charged with cyberstalking or cyber-harrassment or worse. (again, stay strong - don't go out of control - and stay the course)

We can assure you that some of the cyberpaths profiled here come to this site many times a day, send us threatening email demanding to know who exposed them (we have YET to have to do this... and doubt we ever will; which is why we ask you to sign a release binding you to tell only the truth and provide proof)

They threaten to sue EOPC, click the "report this blog" button a number of times and even pretend to be other people or send their friends (proxies) to this site to try to covertly get information from us. The people running this site are adults, some who know quite a bit about the law and crime investigation. We are not all in the same country, either.

To the Victims - "exercise caution. And expect to find yourself under attack. Be sure to tell everyone close to you what you are doing. And we support and congratulate you for telling the truth and embracing reality."

To the Cyberpaths - "Lie to everyone you can, if you must - but the truth remains - HERE! We know it, you know it and you can twist in the winds of your twisted realities but a lie is a lie."

The narcissistically injured on the other hand, cannot rest until he has blotted out a vaguely experienced offender who dared to oppose him, to disagree with him, or to outshine him.

It can never find rest because it can never wipe out the evidence that has contradicted its conviction it is unique and perfect. This archaic rage goes on and on and on.

-Group Helplessness and Rage -- Ernest S. Wolf, MD

Friday, December 28, 2012


(Tennessee, U.S.A.)  NEWPORT-A Newport woman said a man she was initially friends with on Facebook has managed to find out where she lives and followed her around, the Cocke County Sheriff’s Office reported.

Penny Valentine, 42, of Branch Drive, in Newport, said in June or July, she started out as friends with the offender on Facebook, Deputy Sheriff  Michael Whitmer reported.  She said he began “getting too personal”, so she cut her ties with him, the report stated.

Somehow the man got her phone number and began texting and calling her, Whitmer stated in his report.  Valentine said she deleted her Facebook account and changed her phone number.  She said the offender then began  following her around town and following  her home, according to the report.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Online Gossip: Entertainment? or Harassing Smear?

By Kianga Kelley

To some it's entertainment, but to others it's just down right cruel. Have internet gossip blogs, revenge sites and message boards gone too far?
happy bunny Pictures, Images and Photos

You might remember Lori Drew, the recently convicted Missouri mom accused of harassing a teenager on MySpace to the point where she committed suicide. Well, there's a young lady in Baton Rouge looking to prevent these types of tragedies.

Many people enjoy a little gossip every now and then, but what happens when those gossip blogs are about you? Kavon Davis, a senior at Southern University, knows first hand how it feels.

Davis says she was shocked when her name appeared more than once next to what some would consider vulgar and harassing information on a Facebook group called "The Questions."
"It really hurt because I didn't know him and I didn't know why he wanted to do that to me."
Davis isn't the only victim of this blog; the site also targets university officials as well as politicians. Fed up with the humiliation, Davis says she complained to the university urging them to put an end to the blog. She says a hearing was held last week and the student responsible was placed on probation, a decision Davis says isn't good enough.

"If you're not in school for higher learning or to prepare yourself for corporate America you shouldn't be here and this institution shouldn't allow him to be here."

We contacted Southern officials but were told by law the university cannot release any information regarding a student hearing.

And these types of message boards are not just happening in Baton Rouge. As a matter of fact there is a website called juicycampus.com where students nationwide post anonymous written attacks on anyone.
LSU freshman Alex Baynhan says, "Sometimes the stuff they say is just unnecessary. Not everything people do has to get out to the public."

Katherine Gordon, a senior at LSU, says,
"Freedom of speech I understand, but there comes a point you're crossing the line, you're starting to hurt people's feelings."

Not everyone is disappointed with the Facebook group; many students are backing up the site's creator. Kavon Davis says she came forward because she feels sites like these could turn some people to violence or even suicide and she wants them to stop.

She says she's working on finding an attorney.





Wednesday, December 26, 2012


By Crystal Chan

UPSET that he was spurned by a married lecturer after a brief torrid affair, a tertiary student turned to the Internet to smear her reputation.

The year-long liaison, which took place more than 10 years ago, ended when the lecturer's husband learned about it.

Unlike the recent case when a 32-year-old teacher was jailed 10 months for having sex with an underage student, the lecturer did not break any law as her lover was not underage.

But the fallout was almost as devastating, resulting in two court actions over the years.

To try to salvage her marriage, the lecturer ended the affair.

But her husband still filed for divorce, citing adultery and naming the student as a co-respondent in the divorce papers.

The student's bitterness over the end of the affair was such that years later, he continued taking his revenge on her.

The student, who graduated here around 1996, felt that she had used him and then dumped him, alleging that she even filed a police report against him for harassment.

In one online forum posting, he wrote that many male students were attracted to the lecturer because of her striking looks. He claimed she was unhappy in her marriage and that they had sex in various places at the institution as well as her home. Sources [say]that the affair turned sour after it was uncovered by private investigators hired by the lecturer's husband. She ended the affair to try to save her marriage, but it was all in vain.

Then, as a fallout of the Internet smearing, the institution learned of the affair and asked the lecturer to leave three years ago. The institution also went all the way to the High Court to seek an injunction to prohibit the student from talking about the affair.

Lawyer Nicholas Cheong, who is not involved in the case, said the Internet postings probably affected the reputation of the institution and it had to do damage control.
He said: 'The institution has a name to protect, especially when it's known for certain courses. The last thing it would want is for people to remember it as a place where a lecturer had an affair with a student.

'Nothing sticks like bad news so the institution had to protect its image. Going to court was the only option as it no longer had the right to discipline the student.

'The institution didn't do anything wrong and the court probably agreed that its image shouldn't be tarnished. Otherwise, the injunction wouldn't be granted as everyone is entitled to freedom of expression.'

The student had gone as far as to post the lecturer's personal details and the serial number of her divorce proceedings in online forums and encouraged netizens to contact her. It also seemed that he had been watching the lecturer's movements, as he posted details of where she parked her car on campus and even the time she got home. He found out where the lecturer is now working and posted this information on the Internet too.

The student invited netizens to e-mail him if they wanted 'hard-copy evidence' of his affair, including documents related to her divorce.

Some netizens asked for the lecturer's photo, which the student offered to e-mail to individual requesters.

However, other netizens criticized the student for his vindictive actions.

(EOPC notes there is a difference between exposing a predator and revenge. We do not encourage or approve of the latter. Don't be confused when Cyberpaths use a story such as this to try to further smear their victims. Not the same thing at all!

Many of our cyberpaths say their victims are merely 'spurned' or 'scorned' but there is NO COMPARISON between an affair ending - as in this story - and the PREDATORY TACTICS of a Cyberpath and their terrorization of their victims for telling the truth.)

Mr Cheong said the lecturer could report the student to the police for harassment as he had posted her personal details on the Internet and urged others to question her about the liaison. He added that if the student continues to talk about the affair, he could be charged with contempt of court, which could result in a jail term and a fine.

The lecturer now teaches at another institution under a different name.


Examples of our Cyberpaths being vindictive after their exposure:



If you have your own example of your Cyberpath, Harasser or Predator being vindictive to you after you discovered the truth - please write us with your example.

Almost ALL of our exposed Cyberpaths have threated EOPC and their victims but stop when they realize a court case involving the victims would reveal the truth about their predatory actions and the veracity of the exposure.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

5 Steps We Can Take to Avoid Being Cyber-Bullied

by Philip J Reed, on behalf of Westwood College
(Mr. Reed is a Guest Writer for EOPC)

“Cyber-bullying” is a term we hear more about each day. There are always more examples – all too many of which end in tragedy – of the internet and other technologies being used to torment, browbeat and humiliate otherwise innocent people.

Frequently these targets are children or young people, but a new study conducted by professor Andy Pippen for Plymouth University in England has revealed that adults are increasingly becoming targets as well. Pippen looked only at teachers, but he found that one in three teachers has been cyber-bullied… and that a quarter of those cyber-bullies were other adults!

Cyber-bullies aren’t just children, and neither are the victims. It’s a serious cause for concern, and it’s something everybody should understand, and be aware of the steps they can take to avoid it. Being cyber-bullied can ruin a life, or dramatically increase the quality of that life. Know the facts in advance, and keep reading to find our five tips on how to avoid being cyber-bullied.

1) Keep Your Information Private!
There’s a reason we’re putting this one first, and that reason should be obvious. As Thomas Hobbes once said, “Knowledge is power.” The more you tell your cyber-bullies about yourself, the more ammunition they will have to use against you. And, perhaps, the more they will be able to manipulate you in the hopes that by playing along you will prevent them from releasing (or misusing) more of your information.

Of course, nobody knowingly “provides” their cyber-bullies with personal information. Unfortunately, information provided to otherwise benign websites and databases can either be accessed or hacked by a devoted cyber-bully. Don’t provide any private information about yourself to any site unless it is absolutely necessary. And we don’t just mean your address and social security number. Sensitive information can include (but is not limited to) the town in which you live, your mother’s maiden name, the names of your pets, or even the fact that you’ll be going on vacation for two weeks. Any of this can be used to find you, manipulate you, or access your private records. (A fairly recent high-profile case involved the hacking of Sarah Palin’s private email account, simply because the hackers listened to her interviews and used that basic personal information to solve her security questions!) Take cyber security seriously! The bullies certainly do!

2) Do Not Play Along!
If you are being cyber-bullied, know that it is serious! Do not engage them, do not encourage them, and, most of all, do not try to bully them in return! If a cyber bully has picked you as a target, they are prepared. Any attempt to bully them in return is almost guaranteed to backfire.

Ignoring cyber bullies can actually work, to some extent. If you don’t reply to their emails or instant messages, they can either become bored or convinced that you are not reliably reachable in that way… even if you are. This can encourage them to move on to another target.

Of course, ignoring them won’t work every time, especially if you’ve been singled out by a bully specifically. They may keep emailing, texting, or even calling in the hopes that you are being rattled by their methods. Ignoring them may not stop this behavior, but bear in mind that it does stop them from obtaining any new information to use against you. If you were responding to them, you’d be giving them more ammunition, or just inflaming the situation further. Avoid doing either of those things like the plague!

3) Inform the Authorities!

There’s a fine line between teasing and bullying, but, typically, we know bullying when we see it. Once you’re sure that you’re being legitimately harassed or tormented (rather than, say, a friend playing a joke on you), take it to the police. This is especially true – and important! – if you are being actively threatened. The police need to know, and they need to know soon!

Modern computer forensics techniques can uncover a great deal of information about your bullies, and the sooner you report them, the more likely they can be traced. Of course a technologically savvy bully can cover his tracks in many ways, but don’t assume that they’ve done so successfully! Let the authorities do their best to track them down.

Bear in mind that the police may not be able to do much when the bullying is small scale, but by completing an incident report early on, you will have a stronger case if the bullying continues, or increases, down the line. Don’t wait to report it. If you know you are being bullied, call the police!

4) Always Think Before Responding!
Sometimes bullying can be defused, but often it cannot, or at least not by the victim. Always think twice about responding to any unsolicited messages. If you do not recognize a screen name that is sending you messages, even if they seem friendly, be sure to find out if you actually know this person before divulging anything at all. Tell them that they have three chances to tell you who they are and how they know you, and if they still don’t tell you after the third time you ask, block them.

It may seem callous or even rude to do this, but you can’t be too safe. Even one incident of cyber-bullying can scar a human being for a lifetime; it is not worth the risk.

If you do intend to speak to somebody you don’t know, whether in a chat room or on a message board, always try to be polite. Even if you are blocking or ignoring somebody, rudeness can only inflame situations, so avoid it at all costs!

Which leads us into our final (but not least important) tip…

5) Be Aware of What You’re Doing Online!
The best tip to avoid cyber-bullying is simply to avoid angering a cyber bully in the first place! Of course this is not always possible (for many obvious reasons), but you can minimize the likelihood of becoming the victim of cyber-bullying simply by monitoring your own presence online.

If you are rude to people, the odds are very good that they will be rude in return.

If you compromise somebody else’s security for any reason, you leave yourself open to retaliation. Behave yourself in internet discussions. Be calm, be rational, and be understanding of the viewpoints of others. You will never know what may set somebody off, be it your opinion about politics, religion, or last night’s episode of The Office, so watch how you phrase things, and always be big enough to back out of discussions completely when you see them getting out of hand.

Again, this will by no means insulate you from cyber-bullying overall, but it will help to minimize the potential of becoming a target. The sad fact is everybody on the internet, from the least-knowledgeable young girl with her first computer to the college-educated systems administrator with a degree in information security. Nobody is exempt, and everybody has responsibility to themselves to stay vigilant, to stay alert, and to stay safe.

Monday, December 24, 2012

The Psychopath Next Door

Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson, Peterson, BTK and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel - most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers.

They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride - until it's too late.
Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths.

The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, sleep with him, and to put up with him when he strays.
The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims - at work, through friendships or relationships - and

not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book Without Conscience, a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie ‘"Sliding Doors" to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he’s less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman’s existence.

In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they’ve gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others.
Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says.

"However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.

How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change.
The common problem with psychopaths, says Seto, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order.
To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'
Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

Taken in part from MW - By Caroline Konrad - September 1999

These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
  1. They are habitual liars--They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

  2. They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

  3. They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault. Blame-shifting and projection are chronic.

  4. They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

  5. Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!
(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.

Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.

(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.

Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.

(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach.
The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under.

Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed.
Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.
If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit.
The malignant type is a usually coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.


Sunday, December 23, 2012


Cheaters Inc

Cheating on your spouse is always immoral, sometimes illegal, and if that doesn’t matter, a wide range of Web sites are ready to help you play around.

Are you married and looking for a one-night stand? Need a soul mate to fill the void that’s been growing since your wedding day? Even if you just need an alibi to explain where you were last night, there are companies especially designed for the married-but-looking clientele.

The ease of the Internet is one reason women are quickly catching up to men in the arena of extramarital nookie, according to Newsweek. Nowadays, an estimated 30 percent to 40 percent of wives are unfaithful, compared to 50 percent of husbands, therapists told the news magazine.

To show how fast the world is changing, only 10 percent of married women admitted to infidelity in 1991, according to a poll by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Ten years later, that number jumped to 15 percent for women, while the level of unfaithful men stayed a constant 22 percent.

Can we believe these numbers? Why would husbands and wives be honest with pollsters if they can’t be honest with each other?

What can’t be denied is the growing number of Web sites catering to philandering, discreet dating and other services that may do a marriage a disservice. Here are a few:

1. Wages of Sin (and Various Payment Plans) You pay a price for cheating — and many dating sites for wed wanderers offer various payment plans that won’t stick out like a sore thumb on your credit card bill.

AshleyMadison.com, a dating site for married adults "with unmet needs," claims revenue has shot up 10 percent this year, now that it expanded its billing methods to accept debit cards along with credit card payments.

Don’t worry about leaving your spouse’s divorce lawyer an electronic money trail straight to your secret lover. Your credit card will merely show a charge from "Ashley Madison," which sounds more like an accounting firm than a dating service that boasts the slogan: "When Monogamy Becomes Monotony."

About 160,000 people have registered, a no-cost endeavor. You get to post a profile with a nom de plume, and, if you dare, a photo. You only pay if you want to contact other members.
Newbies are encouraged to get specific about what extramarital pleasure they’re seeking. "Swingers" should distinguish themselves from those seeking a "secondary relationship" — a long-term romance that’s not necessarily sexual.

A "tertiary relationship" is a polite way to refer to a one-night stand.

And you should be warned: Some married daters expect you not to cheat on your mistress with another mistress — a concept known as "polyfidelity."

"Our service is not meant to glorify or promote infidelity," says operations director Darren Morgenstern, who married shortly before Ashley Madison opened three years ago, in a press release.

"We’re simply offering a safe and anonymous way for people to communicate with each other once they’ve made up their mind to explore options outside their relationship."

2. Honor Among Philanderers? A Lothario’s CreedFrom one philanderer to another, are you emotionally prepared for an affair? Can you handle the guilt, hide incriminating receipts and delete computer files that would spell ruin in divorce court?
"Unless you are the only one who has access to your computer, don’t bookmark this webpage," visitors of philanderers.com are warned. "The contents can bury you!!!"
This warning comes from a man who identifies himself as Doug Mitchell. He won’t give out his real name because, in addition to a wife, two children and a dog, he has had a girlfriend for seven years — just about as long as he’s been running this site.

"I thought I was alone when I started this site," says Mitchell, who describes himself as a 40ish importer-exporter from Canada. "I couldn’t find anywhere on the Internet to turn for advice."
Mitchell says he’s still dating the same woman and that his marriage has actually improved because he’s found a way of life that suits him.

"It’s not for everyone. You have to be prepared," he says. "My girlfriend knows I run the site. My wife does not."

Would-be philanderers should be warned of the Web site’s disclaimer against any liability, should your spouse get wise and take you for all you’re worth. You are also warned that breaking your marriage vows is against the law in some jurisdictions.

If you’re still bent on cheating, however, you’ll get free how-to guides and handy — presumably tested — advice.

Never use credit cards, a hotel phone or let anyone take a picture.

Toothpaste is apparently great to remove a lipstick stain. If you’re still worried about telltale signs of a lover on your apparel, stop at a gas station, smear yourself with motor oil and claim you slipped while pumping gas. Better to ruin a shirt than a marriage.

Condoms are part of the philanderer’s code, Mitchell says. And it’s a good habit to use generic nicknames like "honey" and "dear" to avoid mix-ups when you get home.

Another part of the philanderer’s creed: "Never tell anyone what you are doing, not even your best friend."

"We don’t encourage extramarital affairs. We understand them," Mitchell says.

"People who come to this site are already sitting on the fence. I help them make an informed decision, to see if the benefits outweigh the risks."

Mitchell claims he’s getting 35,000 hits a day. About 70 percent of his online personals come from men, who pay about $10 a month (cheating women can post ads for free).

He says women are more active than men on his message boards.

Mitchell admits receiving his share of angry letters from husbands and wives who’ve been done wrong, but says that’s less than one-tenth of the e-mail he receives. "I can’t say those people are wrong. Everyone has their own moral code," he says. "It’s always best to be honest, and honestly, this works for me."

A philanderer isn’t a bad person as much as a person who finds his marriage is missing something, and an affair might be that certain spark, he says.

"You would never know if you met me," he says. "I could be your next-door neighbor."

But what if Mitchell found that his wife was cheating on him — or worse yet, if she were one of the many happy customers on philanderers.com? "I guess I couldn’t say much," he says. "That would be like the pot calling the kettle black."

3. Liar-for-Hire: The Perfect Alibi AgencyNeed someone to call home to say you need to work late? How about a service to send all your mistresses bouquets on Valentine’s Day?

A German company called "Perfect Alibi" claims it provides about 350 clients each month handy excuses, such as bogus invitations to weekend business seminars. Such liar-for-hire services range in price between $13 and $104, depending on the nature of the alibi, and a $35 annual membership fee.

4. Is Chatting Cheating?
The advent of Internet dating over the last few years may have changed courtship more than anything since the advent of the pill.

Some married folks miss that thrilling yet harrowing experience of flirting with a stranger via e-mail. This could be why so many straying spouses slip off their wedding ring and into an online persona.

All online dating services (including Christian or other religious dating sites) say they’ve had trouble with married men posing as single dreamboats.

Some sites allow members to post "discreet" listings, which allow them to not announce their marital status. Others, like Match.com, will boot you off if you’re reported to be less than legally separated.
(oh really? not from what the recent class action suits say! And do you really think a cheater will ADMIT they are married? - Fighter) Posting an online personal advertisement is a clear ethical no-no when you’re hitched. But can you flirt in a chat room if you are espoused but filled with ennui?

Interestingly, men say chatting is cheating more than women, according to a member survey by imatchup.com. Only 35 percent of ladies think online flirting is a breach of the wedding vows, compared to 48 percent of men.

The problems presented by wed surfers posing as singles has opened the door to companies like Marriedsecrets.com, yet another married-but-still-dating Web site. There are now close to 100 of these type of sites.

"Thirty percent of those who use online dating services are married," the Web site claims. "Why not join a site specifically designed for you? With marriedsecrets.com, there’s no excuses, no explanations."

5. Jealous Spouse Panty Raids
If you think your spouse is a louse, you don’t have to wash your dirty laundry in public. You can investigate yourself by checking for incriminating DNA evidence.

The CheckMate 5-Minute Infidelity Kit, available at DNAplus.com for $49.95, allows you to soak your spouse’s suspiciously stained underwear with a chemical and then blot it with a strip of paper. It’s similar to a pregnancy test.

The company claims Checkmate is effective on both men and women, even if the man is using a condom or the woman showers after a tryst. The Web site is also marketing Checkmate as a way for parents to find out if their child has become sexually active.

For best results when checking up on your spouse, the company suggests you abstain from sex with your partner for a few days to make sure the suspicious stain came from a third party (and perhaps at a third party).

To be doubly sure, the company provides a service of testing the husband’s sperm and comparing it with the questionable underwear.

What should you do while you abstain from sex with your alleged ratfink of a partner? Why not cruise the Internet, where you’re sure to find kindred spirits looking for companionship?

Buck Wolf is entertainment producer at ABCNEWS.com.

Just a FEW other Internet "Cheating Sites"

These do NOT include the numerous online dating sites, penpal sites, reunion sites or chat sites (such as Yahoo Personals) where a person lies about being single or divorced; to the best of our knowledge.