A LOOK AT SOME OF KEITH CLIVE'S INITIAL LOVE BOMBS

Here are a few of Mr. Clive's first love bombs to this particular Target. If you go to yesterday's post you will see how over time his emails became more talkative and less romantic. He had the Target hooked - so it was just a matter of keeping her confused. Clive would have fully degraded and dumped her - like most Cyber-Narcissists pattern - had the Target not found out & gotten wise to him. And, Clive would have found a way to blame HER and make HER feel guilty for the demise of a relationship that only existed in cyberspace - like they all do. (he probably is blaming this and other Targets for what happened. Online Predators rarely take responsibility - even when confronted by law enforcement they will lie & blame-shift)

Shame on him for targetting a vulnerable woman who deserved so much better than an Online Predator who got his jollies mind-f*cking foreign women! - Fighter

(again embedded 'commands' and psychological triggers are in red)

Dear Target,

"You didn't tell me anything that you would tell me what do you feel... Not only about the things that I wrote about, but some your inner experiences or just something..."

I gave 1 reply to this. I don't know if my reply was what you had in mind. If not, please let me know, & I'll let you know after work when you're sound asleep. (so he can make up something else plausible to feed to you!)

Confession: you're the 1st "thing" I think about when I wake up & the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep [I have to say "thing" b/c if I say "person", that would imply that would imply that there are lots of other persons that come to mind right after, which is clearly NOT the case.]

Fondly,
Keith


My Dearest Target,

Where do I begin? Target, at the risk of losing you, I'm going to give it to you raw, unrehearsed, unedited, uncensored, & "let the chips fall where they may." Let me know if we've survived.

1st, let me tell you that I did NOT actively go to PPW in search of romance. (complete and total lie - you had a number of Targets there. Cyberpaths always protest their innocence. And if anyone catches them early on - a Predator will often turn on them like a petulant child, making them feel terrible & guilty for even questioning the Predator!) I was @ a point, as you may have been able to piece together, when there was nothing holding me back in my country.

Then, 1 day I had a few spare hrs, & I thought let me try this & see if I can get a TRUE local perspective NOT found in books, so that I can pick the ideal places to TESL. If by pure chance a romantic cnnxn was made along the way, then that would be merely icing on the cake. Even when I contacted you, I had no idea or intention of pursuing any romantic ideas. (sure you didn't!!)

But I'm 42yo & you're a Big Girl, married for X yrs & you have 2 lovely kids. I think we're too grown-up to use the "L-word" ["love"] when neither of us has met each other, much less "broken bread", or shared the trials & tribulations you & your husband have in bldg a life together, even if it's less than ideal. (then WHY do you continue to use the "L" word, Keith??)

But if I search my heart & honestly confront myself, I must confess, Target, that I could very easily, even instantly, fall in love w/ you. My feelings for you in this brief time are so strong. Even now, day-by-day, I'm falling for you, Target. (setting her up!!)

You said that you gave up the LoYL b/c 2 dreamers can't build a life. 1 has to be a rationalist/realist. I must warn you that I AM a DREAMER. (no you're psychotic and have no empathy) I've seen enough of life to know, that w/o dreams, you're only existing & not "living". You want to know the truth? I said "hypothetically speaking" only b/c I was afraid it would blow up in my face just like when I asked for a lock of your hair. But I was NOT speaking hypothetically. That IS what I feel, that IS what I desire, that IS what I day-dream about. The lock of your hair would've been a sentimental keepsake & I would hold & kiss the envelope now & then. Silly? Sentinemtal Romantic Fool? (lock of her hair! no you aren't a silly sentimental romantic fool.... you're a creepy wierdo looking for a trophy!!)

I feel this special bond, & the differences betw us combined w/ all that we have in common just draws me ever nearer to you & makes me long for you more and more. Would you believe me if I told you that already now, a HUGE!!! part of me [possibly almost all of me] feels that I want to be YOURS EXCLUSIVELY, just YOURS & nobody else's. Another part of me daydreams about waiting for your children to be fully grown 20 yrs from now & then seeing you in however limited fashion, even if only to gaze in your eyes once & hold your hands once. Already, I feel as if belong to you & that's exactly how I want it. I have no regrets about how you make me feel. I love how you make me feel & I don't know how you do it, but don't stop:-) (didn't he say he didn't want to use the L word, yet there it is!!)

There's more I wanted to say that was going through my mind, but now my mind is blank. But don't worry, I'll keep writing. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, let me know & I'll stop,(no you won't - she tried to stop you but you wouldn't let her) but try to find it in your heart to not end us. Thank you, Target. You still haven't told me how I should thank you for how you make me feel & being in my life.

With Hugs & Kisses,
Keith


My Beloved Target,

Please share w/ me what about the "participation" appealed to you? What in it was important to you or touched you the most? (is he talking about cybersex? eewwwww.....)

Re the "mixed-marriage" [BTW, I object to the use of that term, b/c a marriage is betw 2 people, & if they love each other & can get past the hurdles of lang & cultural diffs, then it shouldn't matter. It's also dishonest, b/c EVERY nation's ancestry is mixed w/ that of neighboring & even enemy nations.] What do you think? Is it better to "emphasize" 1 culture over the other? By that I do NOT mean COMPLETELY EXCLUDE, b/c that would be a lie, & the kids would pick up on that, too. If you do think that emphasizing 1 culture over another is the wiser course of action, do you believe it should be the mother's culture? Or, do you believe in your heart-of-heart that aiming/striving for a 50/50 balance is the best course of action? (Keith apparently has big psychological issues with his heritage - he brings it up a lot, says he thinks its bogus and dissects it, yet keeps jabbing at it...)

Finally, & MOST IMPORTANTLY, esp in light of what you told me about your country character/values, I think it would be tremendously important to engage in PDAs [Public Displays of Affection] (cute acronyms - ick) in the home in front of the children. Obviously nothing inappropriate, but constant tender kisses & warm embraces, kisses on your hands, "innocent"/"tasteful" [w/ in proper bounds] kisses on your arms, legs, back, neck, & yes, even feet. B/c children learn & about love & model it from their parents. If they see how much the parents love each other & are affectionate, then that's what they'll learn. Of course, the children would receive such PDAs from us. I hate to say it, Target, if your society is as uptight as my country was when I arrived 35yo, then it might mean a move to here [hypothetically] or Italy, b/c our kids would be made fun of & considered "weird" by other kids who wouldn't know how to respond w/ behavior so alien to their's. Even though our parents weren't big on PDAs, our parents were
considered too warm & too involved by "regular citizens white kids". (This Cyberpath has no boundaries or shame, does he? None of them ever do!)

Do you know how glad I am to have fallen in love w/ you, Target? So, this is how I find my "good girl":-) (read yesterday's post - at the bottom is a section on Narcissists on how they see women. Interesting he drops this in - in an email that starts with a possible reference to online sex. Predator.)

With Kisses All Over You & Hugs That Never Let Go,
Keith

KEITH CLIVE CONTINUES TO E-MAUL HIS TARGET!

Like most narcissistic cyberpaths, Keith doesn't allow his Target to 'come up for air.' Smothering her with 'love' (love bombing), when she asks for distance & time he tells her he's so 'in love' with her he can't do it (manipulative), he lives in a fantasy land with her, protests his sincerity and honesty, plants one NLP thought after another (see highlighted words in red) in this poor woman till she can't think straight.....

Get out your air sickness bag readers.... I haven't seen the 'golden keyboard (shovel)' used this much since our first Predator of the Month - Ed Hicks! - Fighter

8/05
My Beloved Target,

It's NOT obligation that I feel toward you. It's just a bond, that makes me long for you all the time & there's no escape from it, nor do I want escape from it. I want to be bound to you, to be yours.

But there's the reality &, yes, I might be forced to "get on w/ my life", & I'm glad that you eased my conscience in doing that if/whenever that happens. Of course, I'd keep in touch, & even then I'd still like to visit you @ least once, unless some TESL opp in your hometown drops in my lap:-) Remember, I want to know you lifelong.

For each tear my words have brought to your eyes, please take 3 kisses from me. Every time you see your feet & even, somehow, the back of your knee, take some more kisses there from someone unworthy of it, My Love.

With Such Longing,
Keith


9/05
BTW, when I said "I think I mentioned [ my job]", I did NOT answer that w/ any impatience. I was merely confirming. Generally I work a 12-21:00 shift, but sometimes it 8-16:30, or 8-18:00.

My basic education? It's "all over the map". I must confess that I have NOT completed my Bachelor's degree, which I'm trying to complete now. Which reminds me that I will have to cut back on some of our e-mails b/c in pursuing that degree, I have to complete an "[XYZ] Diploma". I don't even have my driver's license. That's how much of a dreamer I am. Although, since [my city] has 1 of the best public transit systems in the entire planet, it's often unnecessary. I imagine in your small town, a car is essential.

The "Diploma" is a step below a "Degree". [Remember the discussion that completely confused you?] When crossing borders, nations look for "degrees" generally. Athough Aust might not care, but for ex, Japan & S. Korea [2 of the biggest TESL mrkts], won't give ANY work authorizations unless you submit proof of a degree. Others will accept just the CELTA.

I also have 7 securities [stocks, bonds, mutual funds, options, futures, etc] licenses [now expired].

Although, I'd love to spend the entire day e-mailing you or, better yet, in your arms gazing into each others eyes, talking, & spending time w/ the kids, bills have to be paid & the only way I can complete the diploma, & eventually the degree, is to spend LESS time on the e-mails & more time on the diploma. It's a Qn of "tradeoffs" do we make the dream a reality, or continue dreaming a never-to-be-fulfilled dream? Pls, do NOT in ANY way take this to mean that you've been the 1 keeping me from my goals & priorities. I've enjoyed EVERY moment & thought & emotion spent on you, Target. I just didn't want you to get the impression, "Oh, another online romancer. Once matters got serious, he starts to run away." (notice how Keith, like all them - protests in his own words - that he is 'sincere, honest, not lying, etc' - only liars protest that they don't lie!)

With Hugs & Kisses All Over You,
Your Keith (as if he's property worth having)

9/05
My Beloved Target,

It feels so good to have heard your voice, so warm, so girlish, so tender, so affectionate; the girlish giggle in it. You don't know how many times I wanted to call right back after I hung up. No, really I did. I'm not just saying that to "sweet talk you". As I'd said, it's the voice I'd want to wake up to, come home to, & the last sweet melody I'd want to hear before I close my eyes.

Many times I think about the 2 of us & I think that I don't care about the consequences, that this is 1 life & I should put all my effort into making this a reality no matter what. Indeed, if there were no kids involved, I think I would still do that. It's not that I'm afraid of the responsibility of children, but there'd be an emotional impact/toll on the kids, which would be taken out on you, & eventually on "us". So, that has to be considered.

I'm glad that you're still slightly more optimistic than I am. It might surprise you, though, that I do NOT consider our situation "hopeless" as you'd termed it [as much as it appears to be].

But I do know the ways of the world, & I'm NOT comfortable taking on such high risks that only 2 single people should be taking much less a married woman even if she had no children. What makes me particularly uneasy as I said in our IMs is my legal status, or rather my lack of it in your country. Even before you mentioned it, I knew that you'd never be happy being anything other than what you are. For all your unhappiness in your current situation, in many, many, many ways, you're better of in it than w/ me. That's REALITY whether I like it or not.

The other difficulty [as mentioned] is that even @ this late age of mine, I don't have a cent/penny in savings. (predator throws in some honesty to make it all more valid) In retrospect, I should've taken the conventional route in life & merely saved my low wages rather than try to launch a biz. But what's done cannot be undone & we have to work w/ the present & the cards that are in our hand now. Wishing won't make it better.

For BOTH of us certainly, but even just 1 person, it's so dangerous not to have a fncl cushion. In your country I had have no resources, no family, no linguistic ability, no immediately saleable skills b/cof the lack of your lang fluency other than TESL. Is it really possible for 2 persons there, EACH earning 5 Euros/hr to raise 2 children? How much to raise 3?

More later.

Still In Love With You,
Your Keith

9/05
My Most Beloved Target,
Dearest Keeper of My Heart,

In what follows, I'm speaking ENTIRELY for MYSELF, even if you do NOT share even 1 part of it:

You know it's funny. Because it all happened so fast & in such little time, and w/ all the obstacles, & w/ common sense, logic, & reality staring us in the face, when you said that you needed some time alone, I did NOT think I'd miss you that much or that soon. (nor did this manipulative cyberpath want a good Target to have a chance to think or realize he was full of it!! When they don't give you space - that's a major red flag)

When in that IM wherein you suggested MY meeting someone else, a part of me was hurt & another part of me said that this was a better opp for BOTH of us [YOU and I].

Part of me said never to write this. Or, to write it but never send it. Part of me said that this is best for both of us, & I should move on. I recognized that there are far easier rltshps [NONE current] to pursue in this world, esp w/ someone who's completely single & w/o any kids, esp for a guy like myself w/ PP/residency/ctzshp issues AND no $$$. I'm still trying very hard to listen to that part. Who knows, as time passes, I might be FORCED to listen to that part. (but you're a narcissist and they like it complicated, right?)

All day Saturday after I got off the ph w/ you, I pretty much just sat in front of the PC waiting for you to come online or send an e-mail. Once in a while, I'd write some things like what you're reading now. Other times, I'd sit on my bed & think of you. The only "productive" thing I did Sat was a bit of ironing. Even that allowed plenty of time to keep thinking of you. For the entire day, I'd eaten only 2 croissants. I'd lost almost my entire appetite. I didn't want to cook. Actually, I think it might now be 2 whole wks that I haven't cooked. I'd been surviving on "snacks" & a soups I'd buy @ lunch time. I daydreamed often of all 3 of us sitting on a couch/sofa together playfully, w/ either your legs in my lap, or your head in my lap & I'd run my fingers through your hair. Then you finally came online & made your request.

The very next day after that 1st IM requesting some time off, I was surprised by the sense of "loss" and how much I missed you. It's true, you don't know what you have until you've lost it. Of course, that's NOT a lesson I learned just now @ 42. I was struck/surprised by just how deep my feelings, yes, my "love", for you ran, Target. (guilt tripping!!!) I have to confess to you, that before you asked for this time off, as my feelings for you grew stronger & stronger, esp after it was out in the open, I decided to put them to the test. I tried looking at other women. (but would they even bother to look at you, sir?)

1st let me step back a bit & explain my unorthodox perspective. You might actually be disappointed, but I want you to appreciate the whole truth. Shortly before meeting you, I'd discovered that only my ex-girlfriend & I shared this perspective, but then again, most of my colleagues are in their naïve 20s. She & I think that there's absolutely nothing wrong w/ looking @ others [of the opposite sex]. Often when we'd walk down the streets or go for a walk in the park, I'd point out BOTH really good-looking MEN & women to her & what about them was beautiful. She'd do the same. I wasn't jealous & neither was she. For us, it was also mere appreciation of beauty [male or female] on a rely esthetic/artistic level. I can appreciate BOTH male & female beauty. If a guy's good looking, I point it out. Also, we're both human. Can I realistically expect that I'm the only attractive man she'll ever see on this planet? Acting on what we saw, meaning pursuing a rltshp w/ someone else, of course, is another matter. (Get to the point, stop the word salad!!! Blah blah blah....)

My perspective [& my ex-girlfriend's] is that if you see someone you'd rather be with, then go. Of course, the person who's abandoned will feel heartbroken, but it only delays the inevitable. Even if the person remains completely loyal & their heart lies elsewhere, what's the point of keeping your bird caged? The distance, coldness, & emptiness will only grow. Or, to make another analogy, just b/c I see smth in a shop window that I like doesn't mean that I'm going to buy it. (ok we GOT it - can we please speak PLAINLY!!)

So, yes, I looked at other women during all this time I knew you, & even the day after you asked for time off the 1st time. Although there were many attractive women, I wasn't attracted to any of them. There just wasn't that "feeling" & that sense of "connection" that I have with you. And, I don't mean that just from the common sense perspective that I saw them but didn't get to really know them. After all, TODAY if I want, I can call up my ex-girlfriend or the woman I was involved w/ for a mth and begin a life w/ them. It was particularly my 1-mth rltshp (another Target got wise or is this an imaginary girlfriend?) that proved not to settle for someone I don't feel connected to no matter how much else she has to offer [& she has a lot to offer otherwise].

I even did a quick search on PPW, even in your country, & there really was no one of any interest or that I hadn't already tried to contact before when I 1st signed on to PPW. Fortunately, almost no one returned my replies back then, b/c we've both discovered how much time even just 1 Pen Pal can take. (of course let's bet he had a few going at the time) There's 1 completely shallow German chick who, understandably, stopped writing after I didn't have the time to write to her anymore. I'll still keep in touch w/ her, b/c she has a good heart & is a good person, but we have less than ZERO in common. All she likes to do is send jokes. She simply lives & never thinks. Often, I think I would've been better off living life that way. I even went back to your PPW profile & it struck me even more that there was no reason for me to write to you. It was all based on an intuitive feel, & thus I think there's something more. (Keith smelled good Target!!! not a friend, who needs friends when you can toy with women's heads?)

I was so tempted to write the Yahoo acct each day, or several times a day, to share every thought & feeling as it occurred, but thought to myself, "No, give her time, give her space. It's best for BOTH of us. If it's meant to be, the feelings will survive even several years' separation. If it doesn't survive a few days, then it was just an online infatuation & our feelings simply got ahead of ourselves." That's what I thought. I forced, myself to think of myself as a "free man" & to look @ potential rltshps [again, NOTHING current], to look @ it as an opp to find smth w/ far fewer obstacles & much less risk. (but you just couldn't leave her alone could you?)

Quite honestly, I thought you'd [rightly] take some days "off" to think it through. Strangely, I felt both separated AND more yours than ever. I long more for you now. And, long even more for you after talking to you that 2nd time. Your girlish voice doesn't match your womanly photo. So, I suspect there's a little girl still trapped inside the grown-up woman's body, just dying to get out & be herself again. (well DUH - you can say that to most vulnerable, hurt women can't you??)

I can't believe how much I miss you, Target. Yesterday [Mon], I went to the Ukr Festival w/ my friend, Ivan. It was right beside the lake, w/ perfect weather to make a perfect day. Being there, and seeing all those families and young & not-so-young couples there, I kept thinking of you minute-by-minute. My mind didn't know 1 moment's peace from you, nor did I want any. My mind & heart was as restless as a caged animal. I thought to myself, "Yeah, this is what I want: a life with her." I realized then just how much I'd truly become "yours", Target; how much I belonged to you. More than ever I wanted to marry you, to love you, to look after you, to devote myselft to you & your happiness. I know I'd rather be a janitor married to you in your country than an ESL teachr w/o you in Cda. I saw a wedding band [ring] on someone & thought back to some of your last words to me: "No matter what happens, there'll always be that bond." (use her own words on her - nice touch but predator speak)

In Engl, band & bond [incl an "oath" or promise] are often synonymous. A bond is a guarantee backed by assets that can be seized in case the 1 who issued the bond defaults on payment of the bond. Some people, & even some businesses, might say "Our word is our bond."

Thinking of your words & thinking [all this time w/ Ivan] of the symbolism of the wedding band: it's the circle of infinity, & it has no beginning, no middle, no end. It struck me during the 2 ph calls, but esp after the 1st mins of the 1st call, & ALL of the 2nd call, that we were talking like a couple that had been married 20 yrs. I felt like I'd known you my entire life. I didn't need to introduce myself, or even introduce or explain what I had to say. I could just say it & I'd know that you'd know what I was talking about. Before even the 1st e-mails via PPW, we'd had our beginnning, who knows where that middle is, & I know we have no end. I will kiss you. (Keith is just all over the romance map, isn't he?)

Kisses All Over You From Head-to-Toe,
Your Keith

9/05
My Most Beloved Target,

Even before I met you, for about 3 mths after the 1-mth rltshp [Other Target] where I learned a lot about rltshps AND even more about myself, I had to come up w/ an explanation in my mind as to why NOT her. Certainly, I had to come up w/ 1 for her, to justify it to her. (red flag - talking poorly about other women)

I told her the truth but had to be gentle & diplomatic. She's a wonderful woman, making me the best offer any woman had made me up until that time. From a "practical" standpoint, it's still a tempting offer. An even-tempered woman w/ whom I can get along w/ & who's not going to bother me &, generally, leave me alone to work on my projects & goals. It's hard to find. Plus, we BOTH love to cook. Well, maybe not doing the dishes after:-) Even then, generally, I don't trust anyone else to do the dishes but me or an electric dishwasher. (stay on track Keith.... you can bet anyone who is off on this many tangents, lives their lives on tangents and has MORE Targets)

I obviously couldn't tell her the whole truth b/c that would quite understandably hurt her. She was offering me her whole heart & I don't take that "lightly". It's humbling. But I struggled & still struggle to come up w/ an explanation that is neither insulting/hurtful nor is it "limiting". The 1st words I would use to describe "why NOT her" would APPEAR/SEEM to point to intellect & intelligence [she has it to a certain extent], but it's NOT about that. (yes it is. Its all about Keith's judgement calls and a woman's WORTHINESS to be with the great Keith!)

It's about "that connection". Even before she'd held my hand & kissed me, I knew that she wasn't "the one", even though we "sizzled" on a purely [for me] physical level. But although the kisses had some passion, I knew it was NOTHING like the 1s I had w/ the former Love of My Life. Those kisses were beyond physical. In fact, I would melt instantly into her & collapse when our lips barely met, or just touched. That's because of "that connection". (remember in Lures of the Online Predator? "appear to be an object of desire" and "create triangles" so the Target will try to get you even harder!! The chaser becomes the chased.)

Also, w/ Other Target, an entire universe inside me could NOT be shared w/ her. Again, it APPEARS to relate to intellect but, it's NOT about that. 1 example is 1 book [about diet/nutrition] & 1 certain kind of music that I recently shared w/ a co-worker in her 20s. I'm NOT romantically interested in her, but I know that I could NEVER share it w/ Other Target. She'd have no interest in such matters. And, eventually, understandably she'd have needs that I knew I couldn't fulfill, esp the more & more I share less & less. I could only share a small part of me.

No rltshp is "perfect" but, Target, I could share ANYhing with you. There's no part of myself that I'd have to keep, hide, or guard from you. (NLP - so be sure to share everything with me so I can continue to profile you!) It's another reason I've bluntly told you my position on many things & used foul language that I'd normally never use; language that I don't even use privately [generally]. I FEEL "that connection" with you every day, every moment. It's another reason I'd never want to lose you.

With All My Heart,
YOUR Keith

9/05
1st: I'd love to meet your family. Truly.

2nd: The Ind & 3rd World tradition is large extended families. In India, they even live in the same household. Even the 1s who don't live there can drop by ANY time unannounced, even @ 3:00am & you MUST welcome them w/ open arms & plenty of food. Obviously, although I maintain an "open door" policy "in principle", I've been Westernized enough to know how much of an imposition [pain in the ass] this Ind/3rd World tradition this can be.

3rd:my ex-girlfriend & her family [in case you didn't guess] are Ital. I grew up in Ital neighborhoods. Even the very 1st yr we came to this country, we lived in the top flat of an Ital home. They lived in the basement. They even taught my mom how to make pasta & sauce from scratch. I always thought I'd marry an Ital girl. I studied Ital a full decade BEFORE I met my ex-girlfriend. I always looked FWD to marrying into a large Ital family & their gregarious/extroverted ways & tables overflowing w/ food.

And then, I met my ex-girlfriend's family & their monster-sized ego (too much competition for your colossal ego, Keith?), esp her a**h*le father's. That was the end of the love affair w/ everything Ital for me. I knew all along what were many of Itals' worst traits, & it was my ill luck that the family I came across had a truck load of it. Her a**h*le father had certain a**-kissing expectations I simply was NOT prepared to fulfill. She begged, pleaded, cajoled & I begrudgingly submitted to them. I told her, "[my ex-girlfriend], don't do this. Your father's a bully & this is only a recipe for disaster. (like usually KNOWS like. And children tend to date/marry what they KNOW. Let's bet Keith & his ex's father had a lot in common!). There's only 1 way to deal w/ a bully." She didn't listen & now [as I've said so many times before], everything I predicted came to pass & she sees that I was right about her a**h*le father. (yes, the only way to deal with a bully is to get as far away from them as you possibly can - like you are NOT allowing this Target to do.)

As I'd said before, in 1 evening I had more of a conversation w/ her father's best friend than I had in the 2 yrs [3?] that I'd known her a**h*le father. So, it wasn't I who was the problem. That friend of his, even recommended me to my ex-girlfriend's father as the ideal man for my ex-girlfriend. He even invited me over to his place & one time offered to intercede on my behalf when I once broke it off w/ her & to bridge both my ex-girlfriend & her father. He was a good man. If you're good to me, I'm good to you. You may not need me as a friend, but you never want me as your enemy. (why is he saying this? To keep the Target from ever exposing him when she finds out he played her?)

Even my ex-girlfriend's married sister has INSISTED that her parents call & arrange time in advance BEFORE coming by. They cannot just drop by, even though they're a 10-min drive away.

So, yes, I'd love to meet them, I'd love to have them drop by often if they/you wish. But if they start to become a pain in the ass or interfere, gossip, meddle, that is NOT acceptable. That is where I prefer British good manners & good fences. (Suuuurrre you do... LOL)

9/05
You understood all of it correctly. It's just been my experience that you have to be VERY CAREFUL & SELECTIVE about whom you invite into the couple's circle, AND maintain an effective barrier so that others don't begin interfering, gossiping, meddling.

Of course, in the best of such times/occassion, I DO believe that "the more the merrier". When we'd go to the movies, the zoo, etc., esp when a friend was going thru a "dateless" period, or a new immigrant who had no friends, it would be I who'd ensure that others weren't left out. But when you become careless & the quantity of friends exceeds the quality, it can only spell disaster.

I also agree that if you can't get along w/ a reasonable # of HER friends & vice versa, that there'd be trouble. Of course, you'll never get along w/ EVERYONE. Even my best friend, M, is always singing the praises of 1 his friends, & I absolutely abhor even the mere sight of the woman. Aside from having many annoying qualities, she's rich & spoke so disparagingly of the poor & homeless & what an inconvenience they are to her & an eyesore to her & my city.

No, I don't think that couples become prisoners of 1 another & that the only person you'll ever need to talk to is me. Mind you, I rarely have a need to talk to anyone, esp anyone other than that someone special. It's 1 of many reasons why I new it'd never work w/ Other Target b/c, as I'd said before, there'd be an entire universe of both "external" things & things even @ the "soul" level I'd never be able to share w/ her.

Hope this clarifies things. (yes, that at your core you are a controlling judgmental person who projects these traits on to anyone who calls you out for what you really are)

9/05
1)Thanks for the photos:>) It's good to see that your children can smile:>)

2)Thanks for the True Colors reminder. I've deliberately left it unread so that it'll be a constant reminder.

3)I agree that there are some bridges that we should cross when we come to them. What I meant about "getting our stories straight" is that it's the nature of people to gossip about couples & that what the ppl doing the talking have is "true love", & the ppl they're talking about is anything but true love. (nice explanation.... hahaha....)

1 of my so-called friends used to tell me all about his rltshps in minute detail. I had always kept this side of my life as secret as possible. I made an exception 2X & regretted it BOTH times.

1st time, I took the chance about telling him about some girl I'd known that summer, how madly in love w/ her I was [& I really was], & how she broke my heart. That evening I left feeling good about this new level of exper for me. A couple of days later thru another mutual friend I found out that my so-called "best friend" dismissively said, "I think it was the 1st time Keith fell in LUST." I was enraged but said nothing. (because he was right?)

2nd time, it was the same "friend" but it involved my ex-girlfriend. I took a chance & introduced him to her. Before doing so, I swore him to absolute secrecy & that my family must never find out. [If you want, I can tell you later why.] He'd known me for 20 yrs. He must have looked & me & looked @ her & said, "OK, Keith must have his own very good reasons for wanting to keep this private." 2 mths later my MOM relayed VERBATIM [literally word-for-word] in the exact same synatax/order/sequence the entire conversation the 3 of us had. I knew the source. (see quote at end of this post for the love/hate relationship many cyberpaths have with a parent, often their mother)

3rd Ex, after the 1st yr "honeymoon" period, my ex-girlfriend said, "I think we need to expand our social circle & hang out as grps on some occasions, & not just as an exclusive couple." I said, that that should be kept to a minimum, for special occasions like B-days, anniversaries, etc. Of course, there can be exceptions for even casual events. I told her that expanding the social circle is highly overrated. That once 2 ppl have found each other, they really only need each other & that other ppl added to the mix will end up gossipping, interfering, meddling, etc. But I humored/indulged her. So, for about 6 mths I made sure that it was ALWAYS a grp activity to the point that she was begging to go out as just the 2 of us. Later, as her family & certain "friends" disappointed her more & more or that family became sources of interference & "raining on her parade", she realized what I'd meant. (because no one is good enough for Keith and he's scared they will all see what a manipulator he really is)

Similarly, in "our" case if ppl found out that we met on the Net, they'd privately think to themselves "Oh, they're 1 of THOSE. It's NOT the real thing. She left her husband for THAT." Even YOU had gone to considerable pains to explain to me all your reasons for pursuing the annulment completely independent of me. No one will really know & appreciate the truth except the 2 of us. The less others know, the better.

Finally, 1 note related to the whole "privacy" thing. In the 1st yr of my rltshp w/ my ex-girlfriend, as a 40th B-day I took her for a 4-day wknd to [a city]. What a gorgeous city! I took @ least a 100 photographs. My family suspected that someone was in my life but was NOT etting any details from me. 1 day I discovered that my Mom had gone thru EVERY photo that I'd hidden NOT too well. Well, there weren't any "naughty" photos or anything like that. But again, I was enraged @ this invasion of privacy [I'm a 40yo adult]. 1 of the things that enraged me was that 1 of the most special & cherished memories I had was the 2 of us standing next to a beautiful fountain w/ [I think?] the [city's] River & [official] Bldgs in the background. That's all that was in that particular photo. But it was smth that I wanted to share w/ no one else & keep entirely to myself. Now, that precious memory was violated & lost it's "specialness". Pls do NOT say that it's still there & still mine. It was up to ME to decide w/ whom to share it, NOT her. (Keith is not a good sharer!)

Even from an immigration standpoint [whether you come here, or I go there], we'd need to get our stories straight. (aka telling the same LIES!)

9/05
Target,

Why keep my ex-girlfriend or any other woman a secret? Lots of reasons. (first, I am a lying online-predator who wants no one to find out how I treat the Targets I get online and what a loser I am. If love is real? Excuse me but you want to TELL THE WORLD!)

I already mentioned the gossiping, meddling, interfering, etc. These things drive me crazy & can create tremendous headaches for couples. There's enough to deal w/ in life. The last thing you need is to deal w/ smbdy ELSE's problems & "hangups"/issues. I don't have the time, energy, or the patience. I simply cut these ppl out of my life, in some cases FOREVER. (because I have no real empathy for anyone but myself and no real connections in life - so cutting someone off is very simple for me)

There's of course the betrayals of trust, which I think has now been amply explained. (oxymoron coming from him!!)

But the other reason is that most of these so-called friends,& even my family, have no genuine interest in what makes you happy. B/c this was such a secret side to my life, it was more a CURIOSITY factor, & putting me & my private life under a microscope. Sorry, no time for that. (if he really believes that? he's a sad sad man. The truth is he feels no geniune interest in what makes anyone happy except himself)

Overall, for all their faults, I'd say my family's better than my ex-girlfriend's. Nevertheless, like my ex-girlfriend's family, although they mean well, it's best if they're kept OUT of this side of my life w/ a moat, IRON gates, 2m-thick brick walls, & RAZOR wire [NOT just mere "barbed" wire]. The more involved they are, the more trouble they are.

My family can be "toxic". Behind her back they'd find things to criticize about her: she's old & fat. my ex-girlfriend's NOT fat. She's certainly not pencil-thin, but looks a lot like the average 45yo woman of European descent. & actually, in her own ways she has a girlish "Pixie" cute appearance. She's quite child-like. Child-like is a POSITIVE quality, whereas "childish" is NEGATIVE. She rightly calls herself a "kidult" [kid+adult]. For me to hurt her, or for anyone else to hurt her would be like hurting my own daughter.

Then there are the little things, jokes & teasing about the rltshp, sex, intimate things, etc, which I really do NOT like when it's specific to any couple. If it's a general joke, then I can have a sense of humor about it. (of course not, because you are a cyber-narcissist and live a closed life so no one figures you out)

Another is that decades ago, I'd learned that I could NOT share this side of my life w/ anyone in my family. A minor ex will illustrate. There was a bank teller @ the local bank whom I thought was "stunning". She had this unusual "hairline" [where the hair begins & ends] that almost no one normally has. The way it looked, MOST ppl would find it UNattractive. I thought it made her so much more interesting, attractive, even sexier. Then 1 day, I heard my mom & sister making fun of this girl & the very thing [the hairline] that I liked most.

Roughly about the same time, my friend [who betrayed the my ex-girlfriend secret much later] was dating someone he had initially tried to set me up w/. He's Jewish, she's Ind. I remind you that my 1st love @ age 19 was Pakistani, so I have NO issues re Indo-Pak women. I certainly CAN find them attractive. (you have plenty of issues, Keith - like your Mother is Indian!) They were over once for a get-together [possibly my 30th B-day] & my Mom was simply elated to co-mingle w/ this Ind girl. Yes, I know that's a natural human response. When my Mom had a private moment w/ me, she said, "Why don't you bring home someone like that." I merely smiled politely & shrugged.

Well, although she's for the most part a sweet girl [other than being an insufferable gossip-hound] all the classic Ind traits in her that my Mom finds endearing & ideal are the 1s that I find utterly loathsome: petite, fine-boned, bone-thin; fine, delicate features; soft-spoken, demure, acquiescing, submissive, simple, quiet, ultra-feminine, etc.

It was obvious that what made my mom happy would make me utterly miserable, & vice versa. So, what was I going to do? Marry some chick just to make my mom happy [as too many Ind boys & girls do]? Since my Mom would have no interest in sharing what makes ME happy, then I decided I would always keep this side PRIVATE.

I told my ex-girlfriend early on that if we got involved, & certainly if we were to marry, that she could NOT meet my family. Quite understandably, she was worried & suspicious. What was I trying to hide? We argued over this. As she got to know me & got to know about my family, & @ the same time HER own family became more hostile toward me, she accepted my decision & saw the wisdom in it. I conceded that it was NOT what either of us had in mind. BOTH of us, ideally, would've wanted 2 harmonious families & a big wedding. Well, I wanted the big Ital wedding. She wanted a small 1.

Finally, through some minor events, she did briefly meet my parents & they were all quite decent toward her. But they still make disparaging remarks about anyone that would fit my ex-girlfriend's description.

Hope this long-winded answer answers your Qn. (remember the post on this site about how online cheaters & internet liars use MORE words and 'talk' more about more subjects? Notice how as we go along in these emails, and as the Target was probably QUESTIONING him more - he got wordier & wordier.This is enough to make anyone's head hurt!)

Regards,
K

10/05
Dear Target,

I understand your confusion. I'm feeling terrible like 1 of those online romancers. (LOL - because you ARE!!!)

You clarified the reasons for your guilt & I'm certain in YOUR mind that your reason is more valid or noble than mine. I won't insult you by bothering to debate that point. But I think it is important to let you know that from MY viewpoint vows or promises made to my fellow-man are of greater importance than vows to God. (and now he's going to 'debate' them anyway but just CALL it something else) So, NO, I do NOT think any less of you. It's not as if you're abandoning a good husband & a great marriage. In either case, for both of us, even if for different reasons, we're prisoners of our respective consciences. Not that it helps, but the 1 positive in this even from YOUR standpoint is that I DO have a conscience that pricks me. Your concern/worry was always what if I stopped feeling the same way AFTER marriage: would I divorce you just like that @ the snap of a finger.

Even at the peak of my rltshp w/ the girl in school AFTER my Nov 2003 breakup w/ my ex-girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend still refused to accept my decision. That might make her sound like a nut, but she isn't.

I'm NOT going to try to make her sound evil, but she did so much to drive a wedge betw the strong feelings I had for during the 1st 2 yrs I knew her & the gradual & steady erosion/downhill slide over the next 2 yrs of those feelings as she put me DEAD LAST on her list of priorities. There are lots of other things I won't go into. (oh come on Keith!! Please tell!!! )

But no matter how bad it got, she continued to help me out during my times of health &/or financial distress that's a large contributor to feelings of guilt & obligation toward her. Even if she didn't there's her child-like qualities that I mentioned so many times. Honestly, do I have feelings of passion for her or envision myself spending the rest of my life w/ her? NO. Do I feel guilty contemplating a life w/o her even BEFORE I met you? Absolutely. (WHAT DID HE SAY????? HUH???? remember he is talking to someone who's first language is NOT English!)

Even if I did NOT meet you, I was planning on having another talk w/ her around X-mas time, which is usually when she would get together w/ me. No, I'm NOT "trying to have my cake & eat it too." Meaning, someone who wants it both ways w/o paying any price. If that were the case I can literally marry my ex-girlfriend tomorrow.

The best thing really to spare both your feelings & mine from further & greater pain is for me to continue playing "designated driver". As I've stressed all along, even though I've fallen/failed many times, it's too easy for our feelings to run ahead of ourselves. (MANIPULATIVE AND WANTS IT THAT WAY!!)

If you'd rather forget about it completely & jsut remain friends, I'd understand. This pain will hurt much less than the greater pain. (but Keith won't let her be friends, he's got her on his hook!)

Most Sincerely,
Keith

10/05
Dear Target,

[This should NOT be handled via e-mail & I'll talk to you via Skype this wk, but for now.....]

I read ALL of your e-mail. The points you make are well-taken. You have advised me well, esp re my ex-girlfriend, my happiness, my having children.

I agree that we certainly cannot continue to ride an emotional rollercoaster every day. It's not fair to you. (but I am going to make you, anyway)

The truth is that I allowed my emotions to get ahead of myself & completely forget the "Fool's Paradise" I'm living in. By next summer, my Sis might have a place of her own MINUS me. What do I do then? I still have not been able to save even a cent toward the CELTA & am always 1.5 mths behind on my phone bill. So, how would I save for 1st & last mth's rent for a place of my own? These are the harsh realities.

I'll still genuinely help you find work in [my country]. You can still count on that. Still, I have NO right to invite you to live, even if only for 1-3 wks, in my Fool's Paradise. You'll soon be a divorced woman & have an ENORMOUS financial rspblty toward your children. The last thing you can afford to do is to blow 700 Euros [800 after the usual unforeseen expenses] on me of all things/people. That's a LOT of money that you just cannot afford to squander. EVERY penny will count once you're completely on your own as a divorcee. I have to be responsible, I have to tell you that. (does he remember his other emails to her??) Really, the best way to pursue all this is for me to save up $ some time over the next 3 yrs & visit you & look @ the 2 of us then. You should come to my country ONLY IF you've been made a great offer that will enable you to raise your children on your own here. Your 1st priority is NOT me, or even you, but your children.

I'm going to be an adult & take responsibility for MY actions & NOT blame YOU. (Backwards talk!!) I appreciate your patience & understanding in trying to give me time to work on my stuff. (since you gave HER none?) Even though I hardly write to you as much as I did initially, mentally & emotionally you still occupy so much of myself, my energy & my time. I really need to get back to "friends-only" to free my mind.

If I remove myself from my Fool's Paradise, the only time I should be considering romance, love, marriage, children, & my happiness is once I've got my act together. If that means I'm 50yo & have to marry some 30-35yo or pay some surrogate mom 10,000 Euros then perhaps that's what I have to do.

The pain & distress I'm causing you is unforgiveable. (that's right - now turn off your computer and get a life and leave foreign women ALONE!) I do NOT seek or beg your forgiveness. But I do owe you the truth & this I have given you now. If we're meant to be, there'll be plenty of time for that & things will just fall into place. Think of your children.

Most Sincerely,
Keith

Excerpts from Narcissists & Women:

Moreover, many narcissists tend to FRUSTRATE women. They refrain from having sex with them, tease them and then leave them, resist the flirtatious and seductive behaviors of females and so on. Often, they invoke the existence of a girlfriend/fiancée/spouse (or boyfriend/etc. – male and female are interchangeable in my texts) as the "reason" why they cannot have sex or develop a relationship. But this is not out of loyalty and fidelity in the empathic and loving sense. This is because they wish (and often succeed) to sadistically frustrate the interested party.

The narcissist's attitude to women is, naturally, complex and multi-layered but it revolves around four axes:

1. The Holy Whore
2. The Hunter Parasite
3. The Frustrating Object of Desire
4. Uniqueness Roles

The narcissist believes firmly that women are out to "hunt" men and that this is almost a genetic predisposition. As a result, he feels threatened (as any prey would). This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real, absolutely opposite, state of things: the narcissist feels threatened by women and tries to justify this irrational fear by imbuing women with "objective" qualities which make them, to his mind, ominous.

Heterosexual narcissists desire women as any other red-blooded male does (even more so due to the special symbolic nature of the woman in the narcissist's life – humbling a woman in acts of faintly sadomasochistic sex is a way of getting back at mother).

Thus, the narcissist is led to believe that women are the continuation, by other means and in different guises, of his mother - this early robber of his uniqueness.

Psychodynamically, the Narcissist probably visits upon them his mother's sins - but such an instant explanation does the subject great injustice.

Most narcissists are misogynists. Their sexual and emotional lives are perturbed and chaotic. They are unable to love in any true sense of the word - nor are they capable of developing any measure of intimacy. Lacking empathy, they are unable to offer to the partner emotional sustenance.

Narcissists are angry men - but not because they never experienced love and probably never will. They are angry because they are not as powerful, awe inspiring and successful as they wish they were and, to their mind, deserve to be. Because their daydreams refuse so stubbornly to come true. Because they are their worst enemy. And because, in their unmitigated paranoia, they see adversaries plotting everywhere and feel discriminated against and contemptuously ignored. They are most terrified of boredom and whenever faced with its daunting prospect, they inject drama, or even danger, into their lives. This is the only way they feel alive.

The narcissist is a lonely wolf. He is a shaky platform, indeed, on which to found a family.

CLICK HERE FOR ORIGINAL ARTICLE

KEITH CLIVE..... KING OF THE BIZARRE EMAILS

Here's yet another very bizarre email from Keith P. Clive to one of his Targets. This sounds like something a middle school girl would write, doesn't it? It's Bizarre! I think like many cyberpaths, Clive's elevator doesn't reach the top floor.... Fighter

BTW, what's your maiden name?

We're getting ahead of ourselves when we need to slow down & get a "reality check", but I just wanted you to know that I'm NOT 1 of those macho guys who insists on the wife dropping her maiden name. You may keep it. Likewise, [your children] could keep their father's surname.

Also, in [my area], the way the marriage certificate works, you can use ANY combination of the 2 legal names. So, if your surname were "Smith", you could have the following combinations:

Target Smith & Keith Clive
Target Clive & Keith Clive
Target Smith & Keith Smith
Target Smith-Clive & Keith Clive
Target Smith-Clive & Keith Smith-Clive
Target Clive-Smith & Keith Clive-Smith

Ans, since I'm NOT attached to my British colonial surname [therefore it's rather artificial in MY eyes], I could see myself adopting YOUR maiden surname. If I knew the actual ancestral surname, I would keep that.


I do know that MOST [religion of Target] countries are quite strict about surnames & have ridiculous legal hurdles when it comes to name changes, even name usage. In NA & pretty much throughout the Protestant Anglophone world, you can use any name you want, even when checking into a hotel, as long as you do NOT commit fraud.


Commit fraud? checking into a hotel? HUH?? Keith, your home planet needs you back. Readers - we can NOT make this stuff up! Keith please get into psychiatric counseling immediately. - Fighter

KEITH CLIVE.... YOUR VILLAGE IS CALLING!

KEITH CLIVE

This guy never stops. The romantic letters look they're written by a teenage boy not a 42 year old man. But of course a foreign woman for whom English is a second language wouldn't know that !!- and THAT's why he targets them. Additionally, they are so far away he hopes they won't find out he's a liar and emotional rapist. - Fighter


My Most Beloved [Target],
Dearest Keeper of My Heart,

I don't know whom else to thank for your coming into my life, letting me into your, heart & for allowing me to fall in love with you. These words might make you think that I'm "blaming" you, but I'm NOT. There just aren't any better words to express what I mean.

I take full responsibility for where my heart led me. I'm just glad it led me to you. Even with all the obstacles in our path for now, I'm overjoed to have so deeply fallen in love (huh? How is that possible? you never MET her!) with you. I have absolutely no regrets. Even if there is a God, I can hold my head up & say I had no regrets because it was for love.

Indebted Forever to You,
Keith

WEB SURFING WORKER CAN'T BE FIRED

Judge: Web-Surfing Worker Can't Be Fired

Saying surfing the web is equivalent to reading a newspaper or talking on the phone, an administrative law judge has suggested that only a reprimand is appropriate as punishment for a city worker accused of failing to heed warnings to stay off the Internet.

Administrative Law Judge John Spooner reached his decision in the case of Toquir Choudhri, a 14-year veteran of the Department of Education who had been accused of ignoring supervisors who told him to stop browsing the Internet at work.

The ruling came after Mayor Michael Bloomberg fired a worker in the city's legislative office in Albany earlier this year after he saw the man playing a game of solitaire on his computer.
In his decision, Spooner wrote:

"It should be observed that the Internet has become the modern equivalent of a telephone or a daily newspaper, providing a combination of communication and information that most employees use as frequently in their personal lives as for their work."

He added:

"For this reason, city agencies permit workers to use a telephone for personal calls, so long as this does not interfere with their overall work performance. Many agencies apply the same standard to the use of the Internet for personal purposes."

Spooner dispensed the lightest possible punishment on Choudhri, a reprimand, after a search of Choudhri's computer files revealed he had visited several news and travel sites.

Martin Druyan, Choudhri's lawyer, called the ruling "very reasonable."


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060424/ap_on_hi_te/internet_surfing_1

FACEBOOK & FREE SPEECH?

Facebook: Kinder and gentler?
SU students react to discipline with debate on free speech and boundaries.
By Theresa Juva - Contributing writer

When Syracuse University senior Sean Hyland sat in a women's studies class last semester with a course evaluation in front of him, he could only think of how the instructor was always late to class, never prepared for lessons, and did not listen to students' viewpoints. After he discovered some of his classmates were also disgruntled, they decided to turn their dissatisfaction into a Facebook group.

Facebook, a Web site with more than 6 million members from more than 2,000 universities, began in 2004 when several Harvard undergraduates thought it would be cool to keep college students connected. The site lets students create personal profiles, post pictures, send messages and form groups.

This last feature drew scrutiny in December when Syracuse University's Judicial Affairs disciplined four SU freshmen for a Facebook group they created in protest of their writing class teaching assistant. The tamest of the vulgar comments declared: "I'd rather eat all the hair stuck in the drains of the shower than go to your class, Rachel."


What began as a fun networking tool has turned into a First Amendment duel. Facebook is not just the latest student distraction to pass the time on lazy weekends. It now stirs discussion on whether students are free to express themselves. And students are stopping to think before they write and click.

Hyland said he changed the group name from "I hate" to "I strongly dislike" before his instructor's name. He said the group is not a personal attack, but a criticism of his instructor's teaching methods. He said he used the instructor's name to warn other students about the class.

In the recent SU case, the students also identified their teaching assistant by name. Kitt Poss, a junior political-science major, said that was a poor decision. Although she created a similar group, called "I hate my TA," she said using names is "kind of malicious."

"I think if they use names, that's a fine line to walk," she said. "I don't think it's appropriate. You can get out the same frustration without using names."

Senior Michael Beilinson, who created a group in protest of a student representative of the SU College Republicans on campus, also respects certain boundaries. He said his group is about challenging someone's ideas.

"There's definitely a line between going after a political view and (going after) a person," he said. "There are ways of getting your point across, without being explicit."

For example, one group called "I can't understand my foreign professor," does not name a particular professor, but declares: "This school needs to get it through their heads that if they don't speak English (we're) going to fail." While the group's photo features a man wearing a turban, the group creator avoids racial slurs.


The hundreds of groups students can join show no signs of waning creativity when it comes to conveying their messages. A group called "Duct Tape!" is dedicated to "people who like using, ripping, smelling and just about anything duct tape related." One member urges others to check out her "duct tape masterpiece" that took two hours to complete.

Another group unites students who are agitated by people who talk on a cell phone while they work out at the gym, while another brings together students who feel uncomfortable telling someone their time is up on a treadmill.

Not all the groups are as benign, and a quick search of "drugs" brings up half a dozen groups that boast of going to class high or popping prescription pills. There are even more alcohol-related groups, including: "My blood alcohol level is higher than my GPA" (grade point average) and "Fun Noodle Funneling."


Students blatantly admit to binge drinking and drug use on Facebook because they think only their friends will see it.

(remember - even cyberpaths post on dating sites and messages boards thinking NO ONE ELSE will see it!! WRONG!! this is why doing a search their real name & nickname is SO important! - Fighter)

"Facebook people have a false sense of privacy," said Steven Kovach, a junior newspaper and English major. "Don't put something on there you don't want read."

Students oftendon't realize that a Facebook Web page is a public document. Juanita Perez Williams, director of Judicial Affairs, a university office that handles violations of the student code of conduct, said she hoped students learned after the incident with the four freshmen that what they post on Facebook can have a negative effect.

Williams said the university is not concerned with checking on students' activities, but about making sure students think about their choices.


"I don't think it's a good decision to monitor Facebook. We're an educational institution. It's not about bringing harm to students, but make them more aware of how they present themselves to the public," she said.

Montana Miller, a professor of youth culture at Bowling Green State University, is currently working on a study about Facebook. Sixty undergraduates keep weekly journals and record their Facebook activities. Miller wants to find out if students tend to do things on Facebook they wouldn't do in real life. She said forming Facebook groups against a professor is a way of taking chances and rebelling.

"In a way, that risk is part of the fun," she said. "I don't think it's just stupidity or denial. There is a sort of attraction to use Facebook as an outlet for risk-taking."

Miller said although she thinks students use Facebook to present a real representation of themselves, she began her study with the hunch that sometimes students are more reckless on Facebook.

"In a lot of ways, the Internet can bring out the nastier sides in people," she said. "It's easier to be extremely mean when you're not in a face-to-face situation." (online disinhibition effect)

Students are learning that while they may use Facebook to avoid that face-to-face interaction, the content they post might result in it.

Hyland said he realizes Facebook is not without its boundaries and consequences.

"Now I'm 100 percent more cautious," he said.


FOR ORIGINAL ARTICLE CLICK HERE

WHO ARE YOU REALLY DATING?

WHO ARE YOU REALLY DATING?
BY MARY DONNELLY
(Mary Donnelly is a high school teacher who lives in West Islip, NY)

Just this past week, as I was about to cancel my Match.com membership for the third time, I received a "wink" from someone who looked like the kind of man I'd like to meet. He was 25, according to his online profile, and moderately attractive, with wavy brown hair and dark eyes. I checked to see if he met my criteria for dating. Is he taller than I? Yes. Does he have a job? Yes. Is his income comparable to mine? Yes. Is he a smoker? No. He's a Mets fan - bonus! He's a middle school teacher - score!

I then came across a word that made me uncomfortable: "divorced." I mulled this over, trying to decide whether it was a deal breaker. But then, I thought, who's to say that his divorce means that something's wrong with him?

I e-mailed him, and we proceeded to carry on a cyberconversation for a few days. We talked about teaching, the Mets, our favorite foods, our favorite colors. I was about ready to send him my phone number and suggest a quick coffee date when a surprise e-mail arrived - not from him, but from his wife. It read, "He is still married - not separated - MARRIED."

Horrified, I did not respond. The next day, clearly having gotten inside Match.com, she sent me another e-mail, asking that I forward my correspondence with her husband. By then she had edited his online dating profile to include a bulleted list that described her husband as a cheating, back-stabbing liar. In another area of his profile, she posted a photograph of the two of them in happier days: his down-on-one-knee marriage proposal.

Underneath another long list of grievances, including the fact that he's really a guy with "a few extra pounds" rather than "athletic and toned," she wrote, "Now, he will be divorced."

I was jarred by this audacious invasion of privacy, but I was also grateful that the wife contacted me before I had met her husband in person. Who knows where that relationship could have gone ... and more importantly, how long it might have taken me to learn the truth?

The same week, I read Newsday's cover story about police officer Michael Valentine's alleged cyberstalking. Valentine allegedly met a woman on Match.com, dated her for a while and then retaliated after she rejected him by getting into her Match.com profile, assuming her online persona and humiliating her. If only she'd had somebody to warn her (assuming it's all true), "Watch out, this guy is not too stable."

Incidents like these make it hard not to wonder if I set myself up for danger as well as disappointment by using Match.com. How can I know if the profiles are true? If I meet someone I like, do I have to worry that he's maintaining his account behind his wife's back? If things don't work out, will I have to worry about him stealing my password and cyberstalking me?

On the other hand, it's foolish to assume that "traditional" dating is any safer. I haphazardly met the last man I dated in Penn Station. He was also a total stranger, and is probably just as capable of stalking as anyone I could possibly meet online. So what gives?

Although Match.com is probably the most popular dating site, others offer more ways to learn about your prospective date without having to become a hacker. On Friendster.com and Myspace.com, every person has a group of "friends" displayed on his or her profile page. If someone looks interesting, it's not hard to find out background information by clicking through his "friends list" and either contacting friends by e-mail or at least seeing what kind of people the friends seem to be.


All of this is enough to make me consider retreating into a hidey-hole free from dating altogether. But then I consider the alternative.

As for my "divorced" friend, I never sent the correspondence to the wife. (That didn't seem ethical to me, and I could just imagine myself called to testify at their divorce hearing.) I didn't want any more to do with either of them, so I adjusted the blocking options on my computer and reported the situation to Match.com's abuse team. They responded a few days later: "We have been made aware of this issue and have taken the appropriate action on the reported account."


I'm happy to get away from this mess, but I wonder if I did the right thing. Was Match.com's "appropriate action" in the best interest of the suitor's wife, or of her cheating husband? It seems a lot to have to worry about just for trying to find a companion in life.

ORIGINAL STORY HERE

ANOTHER FEMALE CYBERPATH

ANOTHER FEMALE CYBERPATH

CLICK HERE

KEITH P. CLIVE WAXES POETIC * MANIPULATIVE

ONCE AGAIN - Keith the Predator tells his Target how he is "feeling" to IMPRESS these feelings on to her and make her (manipulate her to) feel this way! - Fighter
[Target] Dearest,

I'm still @ work & shall write a detailed response later. So, if you're not asleep yet, here's smth for you to think about:

I've started to long for you, [Target]. Even now I'm longing for you. As I go about my day @ work, or on the bus, or walking on the street to go to the store, or while grocery shopping, or while cooking, and certainly when I'm free @ the computer, you're constantly on my mind. You gladden my heart, make my heart & my day lighter, thinking of you. I keep thinking of what you've written & what else I need to share w/ you. And, I don't want this feeling to stop because it's so enriching & feels so good. You're magical, [Target]. How do you do it?

Longingly,
Keith

...you may have had the painful experience of "rejection". Get the secret of how to short circuit rejection before it even happens and learn what to say so that you never hear the word "NO" again. In fact, you'll learn to reverse-frame the situation so that she's after YOU." -- http://www.seductionscience.com

"...Here is the catch, call me crazy, but I use reverse psychology. I tell her how hot she is over and over and mention how I would like to watch her have sex." -- http://www.seductioninsider.com


"...Use "reverse-EV" type stuff, so that she's finding out positive things about you and building trust. The whole pickup lasts usually around 4-7 hours, start to lay. You're supposed to be conveying personality during this time. The accusing-them thing is something you do as their state drops, or when you see a good opening to do so." -- http://www.bristollair.com/outergame/routines/
attract/sexualpredator/

"...Here I'm reframing the reality with the playful, flirting twist that SHE is the seducer. I call this a "reverse seduction" frame. "
-- http://singles.com.ua/relationship/advice69/


"...Context (the blather they use to interest & seduce) INCLUDES, but isn't limited to:

1. The physical environment
2. What she is already feeling for/about you
3. Her perception of who she is, what she is used to doing, who and what she is used to liking.
4. Interferences: emotional and external. Is she distraught because her Mom just died of cancer? Is she being forced to work 80 hours this week to finish a crucial project? Did her friend, who hates your GUTS, really go to work" -- http://www.fastseduction.com

"...simply TELLING a woman how YOU feel and what YOU want worked"....
"...the one you are with needs to feel special like your mind is only on her and not relationships because that will happen as a by product of you having fun with her and also you do not want to come off as desperate"
"...if you get her hot and bothered will that convince her NOT to see you?"-- http://www.fastseduction.com


"Women will crave you just like an addict does a stimulant. In a physical sense, you will become her "drug" and everything about you - will tantalize and tempt her.

"She will constantly crave and need you to feed her high . On a psychological plane, she will feel that you and you alone can serve as her fix. Without you, she is lost and no other pleasuring will satisfy her in the same way as you do.

* Learn how to speak in "sexual shorthand" to instigate sexual experiences whenever you desire.
* Discover how you can "ruin her for all other men" and become the focus of all of her sensual desires and thoughts.
* Discover how you can bring a woman to climax without ever touching her below the neck." -- http://www.secretsofsexualaddiction.com

ARE WE GETTING THE PICTURE OF HOW THESE CYBERPATHS OPERATE, READERS?? - Fighter

MySpace Invader

MySpace Invader
A police detective shows teens and their parents that
they're not as safe on MySpace as they think

By Rob Stafford -- Correspondent -- NBC News



MIDDLETOWN, CONN. - He says his name is Matt - it's not. He says he's new to town - he's not. And he says he's 19 - not even close.

But that's how he portrays himself to the kids "befriending" him online on the social networking site, MySpace.com.

Would your child let a stranger into his or her online world?

The fictitious cyber teen known as "Matt" was created as an experiment and his instant popularity revealed to one small town just how vulnerable its children are.

When MySpace was launched in 2003, it functioned mostly as a forum for musicians, a speed-of-light way for bands to spread the word out about their music for bands - like the new group Quietdrive, who has received more than half a million downloads on MySpace before even releasing its first single.

"It's made all the difference in what we do," says Kevin Truckenmiller, Quietdrive lead singer. "It's helped us promote for virtually free."

Not surprisingly, MySpace caught on like wild fire with kids. Even the pop culture figures they love use the site to reach fans.

There are lots of other social networking sites like Facebook and Xanga, but MySpace is the giant among them, boasting more than 60 million users. It attracted media mogul Rupert Murdoch’s eye. Last summer, he bought the site for $580 million.

At its best, MySpace is a place where users keep in touch with friends and express their creativity by designing personalized profiles. It has almost replaced the telephone for after school gossiping.

Rachelle: It's just a fun way for friends to talk.
Brittany: There's like music and stuff on there that I listen to on a daily basis.
Amber: To me, it is, sort of like my life.

But MySpace also has a hidden danger. Police say predators troll the site, and others like it, looking for vulnerable children, sometimes very young ones. Even though the site's rules require users be at least 14, on MySpace it's easy to pretend: even preteens are making profiles and can be among the targets.

"This Web site is a sexual predator's dream and a parent’s worst nightmare," says Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal. Blumenthal says he's been inundated by calls from schools and parents angry about the site.

But there is one community in his state that has been hit hardest: Middletown, Connecticut. Earlier this year, seven teenage girls there contacted police in the course of just 5 weeks saying they were sexually assaulted by men they met through MySpace.

The police and several local schools have made a huge push to try to educate residents. They’ve put on Internet safety seminars and workshops that teach parents how to navigate MySpace.

So if any town should have its guard up, you'd think it would be Middletown. But that's not what a local police officer found when he decided to test just how cautious the teenagers around here were. Dateline was invited to see first hand how the experiment would unfold.

"19-yr-old Matt" is actually Detective Frank Dannahey. He came up with "Matt," who just moved to town. Like many MySpace users, he used an anime cartoon character instead of a photograph. Matt's a baseball fan, he plays pool and loves his iPod.

Dannahey began contacting Middletown teens through their MySpace profiles, writing that he was new to the community, and asking them to add him to something called their "friend list."

Det. Frank Dannahey: It quickly became apparent that I could get all kinds of friends. It was just that easy. Within less than a two week period, I have over 100 friends online.
Rob Stafford, Dateline correspondent: More than 100 friends?
Det. Dannahey: And that’s not even being aggressive. I mean if I had some devious intents, I think I could have hundreds of friends in that period of time.

Here's how MySpace works: anybody can create a profile and anybody with a computer can visit that page. Users under 16 have their profiles set to "private" by MySpace.com as a way of blocking instant access. If you, the visitor, want more information, you can ask to be accepted as a "friend." Once you're a "friend" nothing is private. And accumulating friends on MySpace is a badge of honor. "Matt" made lots of them, getting easy access to many "private" pages.

Stafford: You’re getting the phone numbers and addresses?
Det. Dannahey: Real names.
Stafford: Real names.
Det. Dannahey: Real dates of birth.
Stafford: Where they go to school.
Det. Dannahey: Where they go to school. What grade they're in.
Stafford: After school activities?
Det. Dannahey: Anything you'd wanna know. If I was a parent, I don't think I could hire a private investigator to get me more information than these kids are giving out on their Internet pages.

Some of "Matt’s" new online pals asked him a few questions before accepting him as a "friend." But about half let him in no questions asked. Many got into online chats with him, and it didn't take long for one girl to post one of the most dangerous responses that could be made to a stranger online.

It’s a parent's dreaded scenario.

These 3 moms are about to see for the first time how their daughters have interacted online with the so-called "new kid" in town. Luckily for the mothers of Amber, Rachelle and Brittany, new guy "Matt" is really a police officer conducting an experiment.

Rob Stafford, Dateline correspondent: This is your daughters' friend, who they think is 19-year-old Matt.

Amber’s mom was the first to peer into her daughter’s MySpace profile.

Stafford: What did you find out about Amber?
Det. Dannahey, who posed as “19-year-old Matt” on MySpace: Let’s look at her page.

15-year-old Amber has a private page, but Det. Dannahey says, after she asked just a couple of questions about where he lived and went to school - she allowed him onto her profile. Once he was on, he quite easily found a lengthy survey Amber had completed. In it was reams of personal information such as her favorite TV show, actor, the music she listens to, even her favorite hobby. These likes and dislikes may sound harmless but according to Dannahey they're just the kind of details a predator collects to try to forge a bond with a child.

Det. Dannahey: As you could see, 377 questions is every possible thing that you’d wanna know about a teen.
Stafford: Did you have any idea that Amber was putting that kind of information?
Amber's mom: No, not at all. I knew she was on MySpace, but I didn’t know anything like this. I don’t believe it.
Stafford: How hard do you think it would be for someone to find your daughter?
Amber's mom: Not hard at all.
Det. Dannahey: If I was a predator, and I’ve worked with - you know, talking to those guys online and knowing what they do - this is the kind of information somebody could pull up in front of your house and ring your door bell.
Stafford: Do you think she understands the potential danger of this?
Amber's mom: No. No, very naive.

Now it was Rachelle's mom's turn. Her first surprise was that her daughter still had a profile on MySpace.

Rachelle's mom: We had a conversation with her last year and told her she needed to delete her profile, watched her delete her profile. She obviously put another up.
Stafford: She’s tenacious.
Rachelle's mom: She is. She’s a very bright child.
Stafford: Who has some explaining to do?
Rachelle's mom: Yeah, definitely.

At first glance, 15-year-old Rachelle's page looked fairly safe. She said she was from Germany and didn't include her last name. But that didn’t stop one of her friends - in this case, Amber - from using Rachelle's full name in a message posted on her site.

Det. Dannehy: Is that your last name?
Rachelle's mom: Yes.
Det. Dannahey: So now you have a picture, and a name to match that.

Again, it may sound like a small thing. But according to Dannahey a photo and a full name are the basic essentials in a predator's toolkit.

And there was something worse: When Det. Dannahey's online alter ego asked to be allowed onto Rachelle's private page, she let him on without asking a thing. Once on he could see that all of her friends are from Middletown, raising doubts about her living in Germany. What's really frightening, like Rachelle’s other 250 "friends" he now got her bulletins - messages that MySpace users create that go to all of their friends.

And one set off an alarm for Dannahey. Rachelle sent out a bulletin that included, "We're gonna walk to Taco Bell and KFC." Rachelle sent what she likely thought was an innocent note to her friends about a walk they were going to take to Taco Bell and KFC.

Det. Dannahey: Of course if I'm sitting home at my computer and I now get this bulletin and I know it's in real time and I guess if I wanted to get in my car and had indication where you live, I could kind of intercept them there.

Odds are that information isn't going to fall into the wrong hands. Now that she’s seen her daughter’s profile, Rachelle's mom understands how dangerous this could be.

Rachelle's mom: Yeah, who else is she talking to? And who else is she doing this with and putting these notes out there, not even thinking about the fact that somebody could just take advantage of that.

Finally, Brittany's mom. And she has to confront something very disturbing about her daughter’s online life.

Det. Dannahey: As you can see, I have quite a few messages from --
Brittany's mom: From Brittany?

Of the three girls, 16-year-old Brittany interacted online the most with Det. Dannahey's fake persona. He showed her mom a comment he found deeply troubling. In a note to "Matt," Britanny said, "We should meet up sometime."

Det. Dannahey: If you read that line, that would be --
Brittany's mom: That's scary. I had no idea that that was there. She wants to meet with him. Oh my god. And we talked about it. And she told me she was on private. You know, we’ve talked about it. "There’s no information on there. She would never, ever meet anybody ever. Ever."
Det. Dannahey: I think she trusted me.
Brittany's mom: But she trusted you enough to meet with you. And I feel I’m a protective mother, because I really know where she is pretty much all the time. I mean I'm shaking. I feel like I'm gonna - I don’t know. I'm scared. I'm really scared.
Rachelle's mom: I just feel sick to my stomach, really sick to my stomach, because you know you talk to your kids and you trust them. But you can't trust anyone else.
Det. Dannahey: No, and I'm sure I could re-enact this same experiment probably any town anywhere in America and get the same results.
Brittany's mom: Oh yeah. Definitely.
Rachelle's mom: This is the most precious thing in my life, and I feel like it could just be ripped right out from my hands in the blink of an eye. And I wouldn't have even known it was going on.

Just as their meeting was breaking up, Det. Dannahey noticed he was receiving a new message online. And now Brittany's mother found herself in the unique position of looking over "Matt’s" shoulder as he conversed with her 16-year-old daughter.

Stafford: Did you know Brittany was online right now?
Brittany's mom: No, she should be in bed.

And what does she read? A goodnight message she can't believe her daughter wrote.

Stafford: (reading Brittany's computer message) "I'll talk to you later. Hugs."

"Hugs." And remember that's directed at a guy Brittany's never met, which makes it especially upsetting to her mom.

Stafford (to Brittany's mom): To see this happening live right in front of you?
Brittany’s mom: It's scary actually. It's really scary.

It was an alarming evening for the mothers but just wait until their daughters get the wake-up call the next morning.

Det. Dannahey: They love to take photos of themselves. Predators just must go out of their minds for the fact that they have these sites where they get all this information.

Detective Frank Dannahey is about to introduce himself to three unsuspecting teenagers - Brittany, Rachelle, and Amber. They're the girls who struck up a cyber friendship with his fake persona "Matt." And their moms are all in favor of the face-to-face meeting.

Rachelle's mom: I hope it's a wake up call.
Amber's mom: Yeah, they need a scare, I think.

But first we asked Amber, known online as "Ambercitaaa," Brittany, a.k.a "pretty girl with a knife" and "Rachelle" how well they thought they were protecting themselves.

Stafford: Do you take precautions to protect yourself from predators?
Amber: Yeah.
Stafford: What do you do to be safe?
Rachelle: You don't put, like, your full name out there. You know, where you live. I don't add people I don't know. I don't, you know, talk to people I don't know.
Stafford: So you're careful?
Rachelle: Yeah.
Stafford: So do you post personal information?
Amber: There's no way I would.
Stafford: Name, address, phone number?
Amber: Like I say my name's Amber. But that’s all I say.
Stafford: Brittany?
Brittany: If people, like, talk to me that I don't know, then I just - I just don't talk to them.
Stafford: You would know someone was trying to con their way into your life.
Brittany: Yeah. I'd know it.
Stafford: There's a guy in town named Matt who has a MySpace page. What do you know about him?
Amber: Does he have a cartoon for a picture?
Stafford: I think so.
Amber: And he's a college student.
Stafford: Tell me about him. What do you know about him?
Brittany: I went to his MySpace, and I saw that a lot of like people that I know had him as their friend. So I just like added him. And I was like "okay."

Now it was time for a big surprise for the three teens.

Stafford: Would you like to meet Matt? He’s out in the hallway.
Detective Dannahey walks in.
Rachelle: Hello.
Det. Dannahey: Hey, Brittany.
Brittany: Hi.
Det. Dannahey: How are you?
Brittany: Good.
Det. Dannahey: Hey, Rachelle. Hi, amber. Nice to meet you.
Amber: Nice to meet you.
Det. Dannahey: I'm Matt.
Stafford: What do you think?
Rachelle: Do you have a badge?
Amber: Oh, god. You have a badge.
Stafford: "Matt" is actually Detective Frank Dannahey. Surprised?
Brittany: Never would have thought.
Stafford: No idea?
Brittany: No idea.
Stafford: Did you believe Matt was really 19?
Brittany: I actually believed it.
Rachelle: When he walked in, I was like. It’s true. You can be deceived easily.

The girls were willing to admit that much, but were quick to say that they hadn't revealed anything to this stranger.

Stafford: You don't think you gave him any private information?
Amber: No. I don't believe I did.
Stafford: But what did you find out about Amber?
Det. Dannahey: Her real name. Your birthday. And you have a 377-- question survey in your page
Amber: Oh! I forgot about that.
Det. Dannahey: ... which if I really was a predator, that would be just the kind of information that could maybe years ago, take me months talking to you to get that kind of information.
Stafford: Did you realize you'd given up that much information to someone you didn't know?
Amber: No. I actually didn’t really. But that was my first survey that I've ever done before. And like it looked cool. And it was like - it took me an hour to do. I was really proud of myself.
Stafford: What did you find out about Rachelle?
Det. Dannahey: Rachelle sends a lot of bulletins.
Rachelle: Those are fun.

Remember the bulletin Rachelle posted that showed the time she wrote it and spelled out where she and her buddies were headed? We reminded Rachelle about that.

Stafford: On the bulletin you said exactly where you were gonna go with your friends.
Rachelle: To Taco Bell.
Amber: That was our conversation!
Stafford: How hard would it be to find you?
Amber: Not that hard.
Det. Dannahey: Plus, your whole full name is on your page.
Rachelle: Where's my full name? (to Amber) Oh, you left me a comment.
Det. Dannahey: (to Amber) Yes. Yes. I, unfortunately, got her name through your comment. So have - knowing that you're from Middletown, Connecticut and knowing your full name. If you're in the phone book, I could probably basically go and ring your doorbell.

And finally Brittany, the girl who offered an online hug and who said she wanted to meet up with Matt.

Brittany: I don't remember it like ever saying "I'm gonna meet up with you." I don't remember saying that. I really don't.
Det. Dannahey: You did. In one of our conversations, early on, you said, "We should meet some time."
Brittany: I really thought you were like one of my - 'cause like Amber and Rachelle said a lot of our friends were on there. So I was just like, "yeah."
Stafford: Do you think you would have met him?
Brittany: I wouldn't go by myself. I'm not that dumb.
Stafford: Did you get to the point where you thought your space was really your space and only you and your friends were looking at it?
Rachelle: Oh, yeah. I thought I was pretty safe. But I'm gonna double-check myself now. I feel less confident.
Stafford: I mean, millions of people do a ton more than you guys do. They put name, addresses, phone numbers, pictures, provocative pictures. You guys don't do that. But he had just a little bit, and he got more.

Experiments like Det. Dannahey's and safety meetings like the one we attended in Middletown are alerting parents that it is their responsibility to be more vigilant.

But how much responsibility should fall on the MySpace company itself? Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumental says - a lot. In February, he met with MySpace executives.

Connecticut Attorney General Blumenthal: I hope and I believe that MySpace will do better. It must do better, or we will enforce the law to require that they do better. My hope is that they will recognize their responsibility and provide a model for other social networking sites.

Three weeks ago, Blumenthal sent MySpace a letter requesting changes such as providing free software for parents that would block MySpace banning users under the age of 16, and hiring independent monitors to report potential illegal activity on the site.

MySpace declined our repeated requests for an interview but told us in an e-mail that it's deeply committed to providing a safe and secure environment for its users and has initiatives to protect them. A third of its staff, about 90 people -- is dedicated to monitoring the site's 63 million profiles for pornography and underage users. MySpace also says it has deleted more than a quarter million underage profiles.

And late Friday, MySpace told Dateline they have appointed a former federal prosecutor to oversee privacy, safety and law enforcement outreach.


Whatever social network your child uses there are easy steps you can take to reduce risks: Monitor your child's profile regularly, keep photos and personal details off, and put your child's computer in an open area.

As for the moms whose three daughters were unwitting subjects in Det. Dannahey's experiment, they say there are no more online secrets in their homes.

Brittany's mom: I didn't even have to ask her. She went right to her MySpace and changed the whole thing.
Rachelle's mom: I actually sat w/ her and had her go through each person that's her friend on MySpace and tell me who they were. So that if she didn't know their name, they came off the friends list.

Their girls say they're grateful for their unexpected lesson in online dangers. They've even joined detective Dannahey’s Internet safety presentations.

So it turns out that for Rachelle, Amber and Brittany, the person they thought was 19 year old "Matt" really is a friend.

2006 MSNBC Interactive
2006 MSNBC.com

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12242009/from/ET/

Readers - remember, PREDATORS do this to VULNERABLE ADULTS. Just because you are an adult does NOT make chat rooms, message boards, reunion sites, penpal sites, networking sites.... just about ANYWHERE online safe. BE SAFE & BE AWARE! - Fighter

Our thanks to OneofSeven for this find!

MySpace, Facebook attract online predators

Experts say be careful what you post online - somebody is always watching
By Pete Williams -- Justice correspondent

Several times a day, Olivia Walker, a California high school sophomore, logs on to a Web site called MySpace.com to keep up with her friends.

"It's a way for them to instant-message," Walker says, "or learn something more about somebody they didn't know previously."


Walker is among the more than 40 million users of MySpace. Their postings are part diary, part photo album, with gossip, favorite music, pet peeves - sometimes even phone numbers and home addresses. And occassionally, revealing pictures.

"You can create relationships on MySpace," Walker says, "or you can create friendships."

It's a huge hit, too, at Newton North High School in Boston, where Andrew Crede is a junior.

"Pretty much most of the kids in my school use MySpace," Crede says. "You put pictures up, you meet girls. You meet guys."


But police nationwide warn that it's not just young people who are searching these immensely popular Web sites. They say potential sexual predators are, too.

A month ago, police in Connecticut arrested a 21-year-old man, accusing him of raping a 14-year-old girl he found on MySpace. On Long Island, investigators say another man found the work address of a 16-year-old girl on one of the Web sites last fall, lured her to a parking lot, and sexually assaulted her.

MySpace declined an interview but warns users never to post any personally identifiable information and says it's determined to provide a safe place for young people.


Facebook, a similar Web site, one especially popular with college students, says it blocks access to outside users not connected to a specific school.

"We protect the viewing of the profile to only students or other people with valid e-mail addresses from those universities," says Facebook's Chris Daly.

Even so, middle and high school principals in Boston, like school administrator Judith Malone Neville, are warning parents to monitor what their children put online.


"They would be presenting themselves as potential prey for people who don't have good intentions at heart," Malone says.

Police and school officials nationwide urge parents to remind their children that when they post their private thoughts online, strangers are definitely watching.

2006 MSNBC.com

(And we remind adults!! PLEASE be careful!! Never post your real name, age, location, pictures of yourself and your children ANYWHERE on the web!! - Fighter)

URL: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/11165576/

One of Keith P. Clive's "Love Bombs"

KEITH P. CLIVE DROPS
A "LOVE BOMB"
(Just one of the "love bombs" Our PREDATOR OF THE MONTH sent to one of his Targets in Europe - an OCEAN away, thousands of miles away - far enough away that this Predator hoped she wouldn't find out the truth, figure him out or turn him in.

If someone you have NEVER MET sends you something like this via email? Run screaming!

Get out your insulin medication - there's enough saccharine in here for a 10 story candy store! - Fighter)

Highlighted in yellow are the NLP - imbedded cues - which basically set off in the Target's mind - how to think, feel and behave towards him (in some case REVERSE what is being said, i.e. cognitive dissonance at work). In short - BRAINWASHING.

From: "Keith P. Clive"
To: Target
Wed, 7 Sep 2005

Dear Keeper of My Heart,

I want your conscience to rest, so do not do what will not allow your conscience to rest. Again, I'm speechless as to what you said below about "betraying" me. No, please have a child IF that's what you BOTH want. No, I'm NOT disappointed that you had an appntmt in July. I don't think that your life began w/ me, & even now I don't think your life revolves around me. I wouldn't want that even if we were married.

Considering that your husband's flirting w/ bankruptcy, 2 kids probably are enough.

When I call you "Keeper of My Heart" do you think that it's just my "sweet nothings"/ "sweet talking"?

No, it's where I am now. I can abide by the new terms, but cannot deny how I really feel. If you accept, I'm giving [actually, have already given] you my heart. My heart feels warmer & safer with you as its keeper. I have no fears that you might betray it. I know it's completely safe in your loving hands. I can't think of any other place I'd rather want it to be.
If there is a God, then you are His bittersweet gift to me. And, often that is the most delicious and unforgettable flavor. I'd rather have tasted that, then never have known it at all.

I've told you that I've lost interest in pursuing other women. (Yes, I know you'll just have to take my word for that one.) But that's how much & how strong a connection and bond I feel. I feel so completely "yours", [Target]

I must confess, the 1st part of my plan is to, somehow, see you in 2007. If then or some other time far off, or not-so-far-off in the future, we can make our dream a reality, then that's what will be. But I won't wait for just time to make things happen. I know you were quite clear about NOT making me any promises & that you really wouldn't be able to risk all, considering all the consequences & pain it would cause everyone, even if finances were NOT an issue. In our teasing we already discovered 1 important difference.

So, perhaps you might not be so enamored w/ me.
But I've wanted children & wife since age 9. If ever the time comes that I might be forced to give my heart to someone else, I'll ask you first. If you allow me to give it, I know that the bond is still there. If you do not allow me to give it, then as much as humanly possible, I'll try remain "yours"; true only to you. I would be honored if you did not want to relinquish my heart to some other woman. If I still give it without your permission, then blame my human weakness, & know that the bond between us will NEVER be broken. As you said, it will always be there.

Forever Your Love,
Keith

Forever, Never, Always.... Remember readers those words? are ABSOLUTES. Usually manipulative and dishonest people (Cyberpaths fit) speak in absolutes to ATTEMPT to anchor their 'reality', their 'feeling' and basically the entire facade they want you to believe. - Fighter

Internet Romance Ends With Death

Jilted French Woman Apparent Suicide
By Jon Jeter -- Washington Post Staff Writer

CHICAGO-That their romance defied distance and logic did not seem to matter to Julie Yasa. She lived in Paris; he, outside Detroit. She was lonely; he was online. His flirtations appeared to her in the middle of the night, words brightening a dark computer screen and her melancholy heart, fastening to something inside her. Photographs were exchanged. Finally, after eight months, they agreed: a tryst.

She arrived in Detroit in March 1999, looking for love. What she found was a one-night stand. They consummated their cyberspace affair at her paramour's apartment, and afterward he dropped her off at a Motel 6, heartbroken and alone. When she reappeared on his doorstep three days later threatening suicide, he wanted no part of her. He handed her a sheet to ward off the March chill, then drove her to the edge of his apartment complex and put her out. "You're not going to commit suicide in my place," he told the woman, according to police. He watched as Yasa walked off toward the thicket behind his suburban home.

Police found Yasa's slightly bruised body a day later, lying face down in the frigid woods where she was left to wander. She had only a credit card and $27 in her pockets. A bed sheet was wrapped around her legs. Three pills lay beside her and police suspect the woman made good on her threats to kill herself. Authorities continue to investigate Yasa's transatlantic trip and her death, and whether her lover played a criminal role in her apparent suicide.

Chances are, police say, that her suitor is a cad, but no criminal. Much as they would like to prosecute him for boorishness, they say, they can only bring charges if they discover that he played a direct role in her suicide.

"He's a very cold-blooded person," said William Dwyer, chief of police in Farmington Hills, a middle-class suburb just north of Detroit. "It's a very cruel and callous person that can look someone in the eye like this, do what he did, and just not give a hoot." (can you spell CYBERPATH aka ONLINE PSYCHOPATH???)

The courtship and death of a young, troubled woman is as ancient as any Greek tragedy but also a coarse and cautionary tale on the dangers of romance in the age of e-mail. "Love is a tough enough thing," Dwyer said. "It just seems like the Internet lends a dangerous edge to it."

Yasa's lover, whom police have not identified, knew she had a history of depression and mental illness and yet financed her trip to the United States, Dwyer said. When immigration officials in New York thwarted her first attempt to enter the country, the man arranged for a smuggler to help her enter through Canada. And when she got to Detroit, he refused to help or love her.

Yasa's body was discovered after the man called police dispatchers Wednesday, pretending to be a passerby who stumbled onto a body in the woods. In the 911 recording, the man described spotting the body from a distance, then explained: "I didn't want to get too close." (he lied to her, he seduced her online, he got her into the U.S., he ****ed her and ditched her? LITERALLY? UGH!!!)

Their courtship began in August 1998, police said. He was 24, a recent college graduate between jobs in the computer industry. She had been treated for depression in France, Dwyer said. Yasa flew from Paris to New York on Feb. 5, 1999 but was not allowed to enter the United States. The reason U.S. immigration agents denied her entry was unclear. Officials at the French consulate here said she was a French citizen and had a valid passport. She returned home to France, and her suitor helped pay for another flight, this time to Toronto. She arrived in the Canadian border town of Windsor on Valentine's Day.

Dwyer said that authorities in Windsor noted Yasa acting strangely and tried, unsuccessfully, to have her committed to a psychiatric ward there. Yasa's paramour in the Detroit area told police that he paid a man to smuggle Yasa into the city on Saturday, Dwyer said. After having sex last Saturday, the man took her to a hotel and left. An employee at the hotel told the Detroit News that Yasa paid for her stay in advance and with cash, but staff had little reason to notice her. Distraught, she showed up on her lover's doorstep Tuesday, wearing only black jeans and a white blouse and saying that she had swallowed a bottle of pills, Dwyer said. The man refused to let her inside the apartment, handed her a bed sheet, then coaxed her inside his car. She continued her threats inside the car, but the man put her out near the end of the driveway leading to his apartment building.

He phoned police nearly 24 hours later, providing police with no hint that he knew the woman or how she got there. "I was driving by and saw it in the woods," he told dispatchers. But police became suspicious when a neighbor told officers that she saw a man walking out of the wooded area where Yasa's body was found. The neighbor's description resembled that of Yasa's lover, and the sighting was five hours before he placed the phone call to 911, Dwyer said.

The blue pills recovered near Yasa's body matched those found outside the man's apartment, as well, although Dwyer said that authorities were uncertain if she actually took the drugs. Yasa's body was slightly bruised but showed no signs of trauma, Dwyer said. Police are awaiting the results of a toxicology test before determing the cause of death. Jallal Oussar, director of general affairs for the French Consulate in Chicago, said that the family had been notified of Yasa's death and is making arrangements to have her body returned to France.

"They are devastated by this," Oussar said.

(ANYONE OUT THERE KNOW THIS JERK'S NAME? He's probably STILL OUT THERE!! ONLINE!! - Fighter)

OUR APRIL 2006 PREDATOR OF THE MONTH: KEITH CLIVE

OUR PREDATOR OF THE MONTH:
Keith Clive

Name: Keith P. Clive
Email: kpclive@XXX.com, legg#scriv#@XXX.com
Nicknames: LeggX ScrivX and leggXscrivX

THE STORY OF ONE OF HIS TARGETS
(as always - comments in purple are mine - Fighter)

I live in Europe. One day I signed in to PenPalWorld to make some friends all over the world. I didn't correspond with anybody before, so this was new to me and I was totally unaware of danger it can bring. I wanted to make friends. JUST friends.

For a few months everything was fine. My marriage was also falling apart which I now realize made me an easy target emotionally for those that only wanted to hurt or use others. A man from Canada wrote me. I noticed he was able to talk about a variety of things. So, I wrote back to him. In the beginning everything was normal. It was mostly him that wrote long e-mails, mine were a lot shorter. He asked a lot of questions about my country, immigration law, what are people like, my job… In retrospect I realize he was profiling me, my marriage and my country. (so he could be your 'perfect man' - not a real person!)


At first I didn't tell him about my marital problems. But re-reading his e-mails now I see how he probed about my marriage, how carefully he asked about it and was manipulating me -- using my every mistake of being honest with him. He commented on my e-mails with phrases like this: (check out the imbedded commands of how he wants HER to feel about him - Seduction 101)

"It's refreshing & touches me"

"I can't talk to anyone like I can talk to you"

"I've grown quite fond of you"

"Do you know how often I think of you & our discussions throughout the day?"

"Longingly, I feel a special bond and connection"

I hope my mistakes can prevent somebody else to fall victim as I did. His e-mails were flattering to me at I time that I was vulnerable. (predators hunt the wounded - Fighter) In time I began to trust him. I wasn't looking for a romance. I thought he's just someone nice to correspond with as a friend only. I had no clue that everything he told me was a big, calculated lie. I played into his game thinking he was sincere. I now know that if I would've listened to my instincts and knew more about cyberpaths this would never have happened. I opened my life to a man that didn't deserve it. I trusted the wrong person! (its o.k. - we have ALL been there. We the trusting, honesty, nice people get targetted by these predators. We did nothing wrong. THEY DID)


After a month and a half I made the mistake of letting him know that I wasn't happy in my marriage. (not a mistake if you believe you are in a TRUSTING, PERSONAL relationship. Of course with a narcissistic predator - these confessions are used as weapons on you) After that his sweet words came more frequently. I felt very uncomfortable twice with his "love bombing." First he said that he'd visit me. I didn't feel comfortable with this because I only knew him for a short time and I thought: 'something is wrong with him, why else would he want to visit me, he doesn't even know me.' The second time he asked me to send him some personal things. Nothing perverted yet, but still very strange request. (perverted because WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO WITH THOSE THINGS? blackmail? remember how Ed Hicks & "J" threatened their targets with personal information saying they would tell on them?)

Both times I reacted according to my gut. I told him that even if I got a divorce I would never have any romantic relationships again, because once was enough. The second time I stopped writing him for a short time, letting him know that he crossed a line he shouldn't have. He sent me e-mail in which he explained why he asked and apologized. So, being the compassionate and understanding person I am, I decided to give him one more chance. (Cyberpath played on her guilt and good nature)

Now his e-mails started to say things like: 'I write long e-mails to you, but yours are so short. Please tell me what's in your heart….' After less than two months he sent me a long love e-mail. (way too fast, typical predator) In that e-mail Keith included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good. Especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man love bombed me and I didn't even know what hit me. (brainwashing, seduction, neurolinguistic mind-bending.... sound familiar, readers?) I didn't feel very good about whole situation, because, even if I was in a bad marriage, I was still married and I had never cheated on my husband. Maybe some people feel its different to write e-mails than it would be to have an affair, but it still didn't feel right. (the more ethical & moral the target - the harder the Cyberpath will lay on the brainwashing. Remember Ed Hicks? And "J"? And B. Dorsky who spent YEARS grooming his target? These predators get a THRILL out of taking the targets OUTSIDE their comfort zones and seeing how far they can get the targets to go for "love." Then, the Cyberpath hopes the target is SO EMBARRASSED at how far they went - that when it all falls apart - they won't TELL on the Cyberpath. This woman was VERY brave & we commend her honesty)


A short time passed and he called me on the phone. This was the third time I didn't listen to myself and my instincts. Something was wrong in his voice. It didn't make me feel good. I realized that this relationship was very wrong. After this call I told him that I wanted two weeks time to think about everything and during this time I didn't want any e-mails from him. When I wrote this, he called me saying how much he would miss me, but he'd respect my wish. After we hung up, he called again shortly saying that he can't sleep because he thinks of me and he doesn't know how will he live two weeks without me. In retrospect I see he had NO BOUNDARIES and didn't want to give up his prime target. (EXACTLY!) I asked him not to call again and give me time to think. But he'd made me feel VERY guilty. (which is just what he wanted - its how ALL of our Predators have controlled their targets - GUILT and not letting them have time to shake off the brainwashing) After just two days I decided to write to him again, so he wouldn't "suffer." I felt selfish cutting him off because he'd made me feel I was thinking only of myself and my marriage. I wrote him an e-mail and explained that we can only be friends and nothing more because I'm married.

He promised to not use love talk anymore. He kept his promise only for a few hours. (of course, he has no ethics, no respect and no boundaries) In ONE DAY he sent me 5 e-mails. He kept saying how much he "missed me, loves me, wants to be with me, wants to talk to me again…. But he'll respect my wish, my new terms and stay just a friend to me." (sounds like an oxymoron - and sorry, we'll say it again - you can't LOVE someone you have never met and spent SIGNIFICANT TIME with. Infatuation, Lust? Yes. Love? No.) Typical predator, he told me what he supposedly felt so I would feel guilty for not returning his feelings. He wanted to give me the impression of how unselfish he was to sacrifice telling me his feelings, just to make me happy. (planting toxic seeds in your mind)


After this 'promise' he called me several times on the phone. He started with polite conversation but after a while he would say: 'I know we should be only friends, but I can't go on like this. I love you and miss you…..' He used the words "bond" and "connection" often. (imbedded emotional 'commands') He said he'd "never felt this way about any other woman. But with me it's so easy, we are soul mates…." Finally he had love bombed and brainwashed me right to where he wanted me. I trusted him and believed him. So, my e-mails were full of trust, although never sweet words or words of love.

He started sending a lot of passionate e-mails. But that heaven lasted only for a short time. Once he got what he wanted, he decided to go back to 'just friends'. He said: 'It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.' And he said also: 'even if we'll be just friends we'll always have that bond'. (Cyberpath AGAIN! Gets her into a frenzy then pulls back - to watch her THROW HERSELF at him while he just gets an EGO RUSH!!!)

He disappeared for a week saying he had to study for his bachelor's degree, pass some exams and get his CELTA. (remember Dorksy, Hicks, Thomas and "J"? They also did disappearing acts on their targets, sometimes with the flimsiest of excuses. To make the targets more desperate to do ANYTHING to keep them around. Almost Pavlovian) He said that he was a TESL teacher some years ago, but his teaching license expired. Keith also said that one of the reasons he wants to be 'just a friend' is so I won't distract him from his work and study. (and like ALL our predators - remember - HE INITIATED HER FEELINGS & INTEREST!!! and now he's being NOBLE? HA HA HA) Keith said he wanted to get a degree as soon as possible, so he could find a job in my country and be with me. So, his disappearing should make me feel good, because he was doing it for me. He ended up making me responsible again for HIS feelings and actions. (Right again!!! Making the target responsible will keep her on the hook)


He told me he has a lousy job, no money, no bachelor's degree. (so why is he concerned about this target keeping him from his 'work & study'? hmmm??) So, he had nothing to offer me. When I tried to be helpful and find him job opportunities he said he had no time for them, because he needs to study for his exams. I questioned him - how would he pay for them, if he had no money? He couldn't give me a good explanation to that. (of course not - it was WORD SALAD!!) Finally I realized he'd always be without money, because he really doesn't want to work. I will never know if he really doesn't have money or this "no money" explanation was yet another lie. (Good girl! got that one right too! Its all one big game to them)

By then, my abusive marriage had ended. I was in the divorce process and I really needed some kindness in my life. My low emotional state made me ignore the red flags. Looking back there were many red flags and I could see them, but I just didn't want to accept them. This man also thought I was divorcing because of him. This made him feel quite important! But the reality was different. (His ego must have been huge!)

Within a week of this knowledge of my divorcing he was back with all his sweet talking, love bombing and brainwashing. He also sent me voice program for my computer, so we could talk more often. I was surprised because suddenly he was not able to talk about as many topics as he did before. I even asked him why he talked only about shallow things but no more about topics we discussed before. Our conversations became very uncomfortable. If I asked him a question instead of answering me, he sent me a link to a porn site. (Sound familiar?) Of course each time he said: 'I'm just joking. I really don't like pornography.' (LIE!) I now realize he was watching online porn while he was talking to me - that's why he couldn't answer me! Soon he started to ask questions like: 'Would you let me to kiss you on your hands, or on your forehead…' (again, sex addict cyberpath - like Hicks, Dorsky and "J" - they all said they didn't really like porn but had LOADS of it on their computers!)


Keith quickly got more intimate and perverted. (again, like our prior Predators, right?) I remember stopping him a few times in anger because he had no respect. (because you are just an online-romance & sex toy - they don't see you as a PERSON) He always apologized saying he really crossed the line. But then he'd do it again. I see now that there was a pattern.(Compulsive - again a Cyberpath trait. We've seen this before) Once he'd get me comfortable - the perversion started. If I stopped him, he would send me e-mail later saying that we should be only friends because he has nothing to offer me and he didn't want to be irresponsible to me. (ping ponging her emotional state because she wouldn't put up with his porn addiction. Porn which objectifies women) He said he has a low paying job, he's living in the same house with his sister, he can't pay his bills…. So, he has nothing. I was really torn apart. He made me feel guilty and totally responsible for how HE was feeling. He was one week sweet and next week he was gone. (just like all our other Predators. See the pattern here readers?) My inner peace was gone. He made me feel it was a big mistake by asking him not to be so bold and sexual and I shouldn't do it.

But my requests didn't change anything. He really didn't care about my feelings. He came back when he wanted to and not when I asked him. By now he had manipulated me to the point where I just accepted this bizarre behavior. It was as if he wanted to see how far he could push me and he punished me by withdrawing when I said "NO." (yes, they punish you by withdrawing their presence - like a pusher withdrawing a drug - to see how far they can push you and how much more they can get out of you. Its really sick. Refer to my article: LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR for an in-depth look) His 'only friends' e-mails usually came after I didn't cooperate with him and give him cybersex. (Remember "J" telling his target he was "sick" and if she "really knew" him she'd "lose respect for him" Same B.S. - different target) Looking back I see now this was his personal punishment: 'You didn't give me what I wanted, so I'll take my 'feelings' away from you. Learn your lesson!' (Yes!)


Later I saw that his disappearances actually helped me. In times when he was gone I felt much better. Life became easier and I could be more devoted to my everyday life. When he came back again, saying how much he missed me, life became more stressful again. There were huge ups and downs in my relationship with him. (the Cyberpath RollerCoaster) Usually he broke a 'just friends' period when we were talking on voice program and he said: 'Your voice is so sexy I can't resist you…'

Some of Keith's "lines" and hooks:

- He promised to visit me one day and kiss me. He said that many times.

- He said even if you are still married and I know you won't cheat on your husband, I will kiss you and just hold your hand and gaze into your eyes.

- He was whining all the time that he had no money and a low paying job

- He told me he had to finish his bachelor's degree and get CELTA

- He told me he wanted to move to Europe, become a citizen of the European Union. He often said: If I married you I could find a job in any EU country (all about him, isn't it)

- He studied immigration laws in the countries of the EU very carefully

- He asked often if I would marry him right away if there was chemistry once we met (why the hurry Cyberpath? afraid she'd get to know it was all a big lie?)

- He wanted to find a good Catholic girl to marry despite his hate of the Church and the hypocritical values he thought it represented

- Asked for my personal items to send him

- He wanted to keep our relationship a secret. (HUGE WARNING!!! If you truly LOVE someone you want to tell the WORLD!! Not keep it a secret! You only keep secrets when you are EXPLOITING someone)

He was kind and too sweet to me, but then, like Jekyll and Hyde he would change his attitude and became rude and impolite. There were some insults, devaluating my job, saying that my thoughts were the thoughts of a crazy person… I didn't feel good about the fact that he wanted to keep our relationship a secret. He told me that his former girl friend that he had was kept a secret, even from his mother. Later I discovered that he has a lot of secrets, one of them was also the address he gave me. (Bad relationship with his mother? wrong address? incorrect or unverifiable information? MAJOR RED FLAGS!!!! ) The address was someone else's.

In short, this man was a predator and a destructive narcissist.

All women that have been or will be in touch with him were probably asked these questions on the begining of their correspondence. It's part of how he profiles his targets and discovers their values and morals:

- about bringing up kids, if they would slap to a child

- what would they do if their teenage daughter was pregnant

- what would they do if their child was a drug eddict

- he sends them the color test and other mentally probing online games

- he asks them about immigration law and job opportunities in their country

- if they are married he asks questions about their husbands, and intimate questions

- he tells them about his former girlfriends, especially one of them (ANOTHER RED FLAG!!)

More about this Cyberpath shortly!!! - Fighter

HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICIAL ARRESTED IN ONLINE SEX STING

Homeland official arrested in online sex sting

Agency's deputy press secretary held for soliciting for a child on Internet

MIAMI - The deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was arrested Tuesday for using the Internet to seduce what he thought was a teenage girl, authorities said.

Brian J. Doyle, 55, was arrested at his residence in Maryland on charges of use of a computer to seduce a child and transmission of harmful material to a minor. The charges were issued out of Polk County, Fla.

Authorities said he was online with the "girl," a Florida undercover sheriff's deputy, when police arrived at his Silver Spring, Md., house to arrest him.

Doyle had a sexually explicit conversation with what he believed was a 14-year-old girl whose profile he saw on the Internet on March 14, the Polk County Sheriff's Office said in a statement.

The girl was really an undercover Polk County Sheriff's Computer Crimes detective, the sheriff’s office said.

Pornographic movie clips
Doyle sent pornographic movie clips and had sexually explicit conversations via the Internet, the statement said.

During other online conversations, Doyle revealed his name, that he worked for the Homeland Security Department, and offered his office and government issued cell phone numbers, the sheriff's office said. (sounds like Ed Hicks! - Fighter)

Doyle also sent photos of himself that were not sexually explicit, authorities said. One photo, which authorities released to the news media, shows Doyle in what appears to be homeland security headquarters. He is wearing a homeland security pin on his lapel and a lanyard that says "TSA."

The Transportation Security Administration is part of the Homeland Security Department.

On several occasions, Doyle instructed the girl to perform a sexual act while thinking of him and described explicit activities he wanted to have with her, investigators said.

Doyle later had a telephone conversation with an undercover deputy posing as the teenager and encouraged her to purchase a Web camera to send graphic images of herself to him, the sheriff's office said.

Web cam
Carrie Rodgers, a sheriff's spokeswoman, said an undercover detective posing as the girl call Doyle at work Tuesday and said "she had gotten the web camera like he told her and her mom wouldn't be home that night and she wanted to try it out."

"He said he would get on the computer when he got home from work so we knew he would be on," Rodgers said. "When (police) went to his door, he was on the computer in the middle of a conversation with the girl."

He was booked into Maryland's Montgomery County jail where he was waiting to be extradited to Florida, the sheriff's office said.

There was no immediate response to messages left on Doyle's government-issued cell phone and his e-mail, and he could not be reached by phone at the jail for comment.

Homeland Security press secretary Russ Knocke in Washington said he could not comment on the details of the investigation. "We take these allegations very seriously, and we will cooperate fully with the ongoing investigation," Knocke said.

Washington television stations showed footage of police escorting Doyle from his home in handcuffs. One arresting officer carried a large box. Doyle was bent over in the front seat of the police vehicle in an apparent attempt to hide his face.

Doyle, who is the fourth-ranking official in the department's public affairs office, was expected to be placed on administrative leave Wednesday morning.

NY Cop Accused of Cyberstalking

Claim he hacked into e-mail of ex-girlfriend to access dating site, where he sent men to her house
BY ERIK GERMAN -- Newsday Staff Writer

A police officer seeking revenge against a former girlfriend hacked into the woman's e-mail account, assumed her identity at an on-line dating service and contacted 70 men, inviting some of them for rendezvous at the woman's home, Suffolk prosecutors charged yesterday in a 197-count indictment.

Investigators declined to identify the woman, whom they said discovered the scheme when male strangers began appearing at her house, claiming she had solicited their visits via Match.com.

Suffolk County District Attorney Thomas Spota hit Michael Valentine, 28, of Lake Grove, with the hefty indictment -- which included 21 felony counts -- charging him with stalking, computer tampering and aggravated harassment among other crimes, some counts punishable by up to 4 years in prison.

"This is cyber terrorism," said Suffolk Police Commissioner Richard Dormer, adding that the woman told investigators she feared for her life. "The men and women of the department are being shamed today. Their badge has been tarnished."

Valentine -- who has served as a patrol officer in Suffolk's Sixth precinct since 2002 -- pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in front of Suffolk County Court Judge James Hudson in Riverhead. He was released on his own recognizance yesterday morning.

There was no answer yesterday at 12 Beverly Rd., Valentine's home, although the two cars registered in his name were parked in the street in front of the house.

Valentine's attorney, Paul Gianelli of Hauppauge, did not return phone calls seeking comment.

Prosecutors said Valentine's revenge scheme began in November after a six-week relationship that the couple began on Match.com ended.

"In return for her leaving him, he hacked into the victim's e-mail account," Spota said.

But police said Valentine was no computer whiz. He simply made the lucky guess that his former girlfriend had chosen as a password the name of her German shepherd.

"It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure this out," said Robert Clifford, a spokesman for Spota. "A lesson could be learned here and it's 'don't use your dog's name as a password.'"

Match.com spokeswoman Maida Goodman said the company would cooperate with the investigation. "Generally speaking ... the only way for an individual to have access to the account of a Match.com member is if the member's password were shared between them."

Valentine read the woman's e-mail, sent messages in her name and paid the $29.99 monthly fees to re-open the Match.com account that she'd closed after their break up, prosecutors said.

Clifford said that Valentine altered some details on the woman's on-line profile -- changing, for example, her political self-description to "ultra conservative" -- and he also sent out around 70 "Winks" or e-mails to indicate romantic interest to male Match.com clients.

While prosecutors said the messages' content was not particularly racy, it was effective. "On at least two occasions men came to her house thinking they were going to date her," Spota said. "So you can imagine how she felt."

Valentine also faces multiple charges in connection with allegedly filing a false police report claiming that the woman threatened him. Valentine showed police on Feb. 3 an e-mail he claimed to have received from the woman threatening that her friends would "come out of the bushes with a baseball bat and beat your brains out." (sound familiar readers? The cyberpath ALWAYS blame shifts to their victim - trying to make THEMSELVES look like the injured party - Fighter)

Police said Valentine sent the e-mail and are charging him with felony evidence tampering and official misconduct in connection with his report. Police said Valentine was suspended without pay in mid-February because of the investigation. He is scheduled to return to Suffolk County Court on April 20.

MATCH.COM's STATEMENT:
We were just made aware of this matter by news organizations who have contacted us and the story posted in today's Newsday.com. Naturally, we will cooperate with law enforcement officials if and when they contact us. Because of our strict privacy policies, we cannot specifically comment on this matter or provide any customer-related details. Generally speaking, however, the only way for any individual to have access to the account of a Match.com member is if the member's password were shared between them.

~~~~
BY JENNIFER SINCO KELLEHER
Newsday Staff Writer

April 4, 2006

As a young boy, Michael Valentine aspired to be an FBI agent, his grandfather recalled yesterday. Eventually, he grew up to serve in the U.S. Army and most recently he worked as a Suffolk police officer.

It is this image of respectability that makes it hard for Anthony Valentine, 77, of Elmont, to believe that authorities have charged his grandson in an online dating scheme to get back at a former lover.

"I'm horrified to hear this story," Valentine said. "It doesn't sound like him at all ... He's always been an honorable person, looking to be the best he could be. I want people to know he has high morals." (all cyberpaths purport to familie & associates to be of unimpeachable character & high morals - covering something much darker - Fighter)

While at H. Frank Carey High School in Franklin Square, Valentine joined the Junior Reserve Officers' Training Corps, allowing him to reach the rank of lieutenant when he joined the Army after graduation, his grandfather said.

Valentine's grandfather said that while in the Army his grandson served in Bosnia and Iraq, though he couldn't recall the dates of the tours.

"He's always done his best for everybody," the grandfather said. "I'm proud of Michael."

A fellow Sixth Precinct officer who asked not to be identified described Valentine as "courteous." Valentine's co-workers have been talking about the investigation for several months, the source said. "I was very shocked when I heard," he said.

Jeff Frayler, president of the Suffolk County Police Benevolent Association, said Valentine became a full-fledged officer on Nov. 12, 2002.

"We'll be here to help him out," Frayler said. "We'll be here to talk to him. It's a difficult thing he's going through."

http://www.amny.com/news/local/newyork/ny-livale0404,0,7999207,print.story?coll=am-topheadlines

(SHEESH - what about his VICTIM? What about an APOLOGY and MAKING AMENDS?? we will update you as we get more information on this story - Fighter)