Name: Keith P. Clive
Email: kpclive@XXX.com, legg#scriv#@XXX.com
Nicknames: LeggX ScrivX and leggXscrivX
THE STORY OF ONE OF HIS TARGETS
(as always - comments in purple are mine - Fighter)
I live in Europe. One day I signed in to PenPalWorld to make some friends all over the world. I didn't correspond with anybody before, so this was new to me and I was totally unaware of danger it can bring. I wanted to make friends. JUST friends.
For a few months everything was fine. My marriage was also falling apart which I now realize made me an easy target emotionally for those that only wanted to hurt or use others. A man from Canada wrote me. I noticed he was able to talk about a variety of things. So, I wrote back to him. In the beginning everything was normal. It was mostly him that wrote long e-mails, mine were a lot shorter. He asked a lot of questions about my country, immigration law, what are people like, my job… In retrospect I realize he was profiling me, my marriage and my country. (so he could be your 'perfect man' - not a real person!)
At first I didn't tell him about my marital problems. But re-reading his e-mails now I see how he probed about my marriage, how carefully he asked about it and was manipulating me -- using my every mistake of being honest with him. He commented on my e-mails with phrases like this: (check out the imbedded commands of how he wants HER to feel about him - Seduction 101)
"It's refreshing & touches me"
"I can't talk to anyone like I can talk to you"
"I've grown quite fond of you"
"Do you know how often I think of you & our discussions throughout the day?"
"Longingly, I feel a special bond and connection"
I hope my mistakes can prevent somebody else to fall victim as I did. His e-mails were flattering to me at I time that I was vulnerable. (predators hunt the wounded - Fighter) In time I began to trust him. I wasn't looking for a romance. I thought he's just someone nice to correspond with as a friend only. I had no clue that everything he told me was a big, calculated lie. I played into his game thinking he was sincere. I now know that if I would've listened to my instincts and knew more about cyberpaths this would never have happened. I opened my life to a man that didn't deserve it. I trusted the wrong person! (its o.k. - we have ALL been there. We the trusting, honesty, nice people get targetted by these predators. We did nothing wrong. THEY DID)
After a month and a half I made the mistake of letting him know that I wasn't happy in my marriage. (not a mistake if you believe you are in a TRUSTING, PERSONAL relationship. Of course with a narcissistic predator - these confessions are used as weapons on you) After that his sweet words came more frequently. I felt very uncomfortable twice with his "love bombing." First he said that he'd visit me. I didn't feel comfortable with this because I only knew him for a short time and I thought: 'something is wrong with him, why else would he want to visit me, he doesn't even know me.' The second time he asked me to send him some personal things. Nothing perverted yet, but still very strange request. (perverted because WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO WITH THOSE THINGS? blackmail? remember how Ed Hicks & "J" threatened their targets with personal information saying they would tell on them?)
Both times I reacted according to my gut. I told him that even if I got a divorce I would never have any romantic relationships again, because once was enough. The second time I stopped writing him for a short time, letting him know that he crossed a line he shouldn't have. He sent me e-mail in which he explained why he asked and apologized. So, being the compassionate and understanding person I am, I decided to give him one more chance. (Cyberpath played on her guilt and good nature)
Now his e-mails started to say things like: 'I write long e-mails to you, but yours are so short. Please tell me what's in your heart….' After less than two months he sent me a long love e-mail. (way too fast, typical predator) In that e-mail Keith included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good. Especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man love bombed me and I didn't even know what hit me. (brainwashing, seduction, neurolinguistic mind-bending.... sound familiar, readers?) I didn't feel very good about whole situation, because, even if I was in a bad marriage, I was still married and I had never cheated on my husband. Maybe some people feel its different to write e-mails than it would be to have an affair, but it still didn't feel right. (the more ethical & moral the target - the harder the Cyberpath will lay on the brainwashing. Remember Ed Hicks? And "J"? And B. Dorsky who spent YEARS grooming his target? These predators get a THRILL out of taking the targets OUTSIDE their comfort zones and seeing how far they can get the targets to go for "love." Then, the Cyberpath hopes the target is SO EMBARRASSED at how far they went - that when it all falls apart - they won't TELL on the Cyberpath. This woman was VERY brave & we commend her honesty)
A short time passed and he called me on the phone. This was the third time I didn't listen to myself and my instincts. Something was wrong in his voice. It didn't make me feel good. I realized that this relationship was very wrong. After this call I told him that I wanted two weeks time to think about everything and during this time I didn't want any e-mails from him. When I wrote this, he called me saying how much he would miss me, but he'd respect my wish. After we hung up, he called again shortly saying that he can't sleep because he thinks of me and he doesn't know how will he live two weeks without me. In retrospect I see he had NO BOUNDARIES and didn't want to give up his prime target. (EXACTLY!) I asked him not to call again and give me time to think. But he'd made me feel VERY guilty. (which is just what he wanted - its how ALL of our Predators have controlled their targets - GUILT and not letting them have time to shake off the brainwashing) After just two days I decided to write to him again, so he wouldn't "suffer." I felt selfish cutting him off because he'd made me feel I was thinking only of myself and my marriage. I wrote him an e-mail and explained that we can only be friends and nothing more because I'm married.
He promised to not use love talk anymore. He kept his promise only for a few hours. (of course, he has no ethics, no respect and no boundaries) In ONE DAY he sent me 5 e-mails. He kept saying how much he "missed me, loves me, wants to be with me, wants to talk to me again…. But he'll respect my wish, my new terms and stay just a friend to me." (sounds like an oxymoron - and sorry, we'll say it again - you can't LOVE someone you have never met and spent SIGNIFICANT TIME with. Infatuation, Lust? Yes. Love? No.) Typical predator, he told me what he supposedly felt so I would feel guilty for not returning his feelings. He wanted to give me the impression of how unselfish he was to sacrifice telling me his feelings, just to make me happy. (planting toxic seeds in your mind)
After this 'promise' he called me several times on the phone. He started with polite conversation but after a while he would say: 'I know we should be only friends, but I can't go on like this. I love you and miss you…..' He used the words "bond" and "connection" often. (imbedded emotional 'commands') He said he'd "never felt this way about any other woman. But with me it's so easy, we are soul mates…." Finally he had love bombed and brainwashed me right to where he wanted me. I trusted him and believed him. So, my e-mails were full of trust, although never sweet words or words of love.
He started sending a lot of passionate e-mails. But that heaven lasted only for a short time. Once he got what he wanted, he decided to go back to 'just friends'. He said: 'It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.' And he said also: 'even if we'll be just friends we'll always have that bond'. (Cyberpath AGAIN! Gets her into a frenzy then pulls back - to watch her THROW HERSELF at him while he just gets an EGO RUSH!!!)
He disappeared for a week saying he had to study for his bachelor's degree, pass some exams and get his CELTA. (remember Dorksy, Hicks, Thomas and "J"? They also did disappearing acts on their targets, sometimes with the flimsiest of excuses. To make the targets more desperate to do ANYTHING to keep them around. Almost Pavlovian) He said that he was a TESL teacher some years ago, but his teaching license expired. Keith also said that one of the reasons he wants to be 'just a friend' is so I won't distract him from his work and study. (and like ALL our predators - remember - HE INITIATED HER FEELINGS & INTEREST!!! and now he's being NOBLE? HA HA HA) Keith said he wanted to get a degree as soon as possible, so he could find a job in my country and be with me. So, his disappearing should make me feel good, because he was doing it for me. He ended up making me responsible again for HIS feelings and actions. (Right again!!! Making the target responsible will keep her on the hook)
He told me he has a lousy job, no money, no bachelor's degree. (so why is he concerned about this target keeping him from his 'work & study'? hmmm??) So, he had nothing to offer me. When I tried to be helpful and find him job opportunities he said he had no time for them, because he needs to study for his exams. I questioned him - how would he pay for them, if he had no money? He couldn't give me a good explanation to that. (of course not - it was WORD SALAD!!) Finally I realized he'd always be without money, because he really doesn't want to work. I will never know if he really doesn't have money or this "no money" explanation was yet another lie. (Good girl! got that one right too! Its all one big game to them)
By then, my abusive marriage had ended. I was in the divorce process and I really needed some kindness in my life. My low emotional state made me ignore the red flags. Looking back there were many red flags and I could see them, but I just didn't want to accept them. This man also thought I was divorcing because of him. This made him feel quite important! But the reality was different. (His ego must have been huge!)
Within a week of this knowledge of my divorcing he was back with all his sweet talking, love bombing and brainwashing. He also sent me voice program for my computer, so we could talk more often. I was surprised because suddenly he was not able to talk about as many topics as he did before. I even asked him why he talked only about shallow things but no more about topics we discussed before. Our conversations became very uncomfortable. If I asked him a question instead of answering me, he sent me a link to a porn site. (Sound familiar?) Of course each time he said: 'I'm just joking. I really don't like pornography.' (LIE!) I now realize he was watching online porn while he was talking to me - that's why he couldn't answer me! Soon he started to ask questions like: 'Would you let me to kiss you on your hands, or on your forehead…' (again, sex addict cyberpath - like Hicks, Dorsky and "J" - they all said they didn't really like porn but had LOADS of it on their computers!)
Keith quickly got more intimate and perverted. (again, like our prior Predators, right?) I remember stopping him a few times in anger because he had no respect. (because you are just an online-romance & sex toy - they don't see you as a PERSON) He always apologized saying he really crossed the line. But then he'd do it again. I see now that there was a pattern.(Compulsive - again a Cyberpath trait. We've seen this before) Once he'd get me comfortable - the perversion started. If I stopped him, he would send me e-mail later saying that we should be only friends because he has nothing to offer me and he didn't want to be irresponsible to me. (ping ponging her emotional state because she wouldn't put up with his porn addiction. Porn which objectifies women) He said he has a low paying job, he's living in the same house with his sister, he can't pay his bills…. So, he has nothing. I was really torn apart. He made me feel guilty and totally responsible for how HE was feeling. He was one week sweet and next week he was gone. (just like all our other Predators. See the pattern here readers?) My inner peace was gone. He made me feel it was a big mistake by asking him not to be so bold and sexual and I shouldn't do it.
But my requests didn't change anything. He really didn't care about my feelings. He came back when he wanted to and not when I asked him. By now he had manipulated me to the point where I just accepted this bizarre behavior. It was as if he wanted to see how far he could push me and he punished me by withdrawing when I said "NO." (yes, they punish you by withdrawing their presence - like a pusher withdrawing a drug - to see how far they can push you and how much more they can get out of you. Its really sick. Refer to my article: LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR for an in-depth look) His 'only friends' e-mails usually came after I didn't cooperate with him and give him cybersex. (Remember "J" telling his target he was "sick" and if she "really knew" him she'd "lose respect for him" Same B.S. - different target) Looking back I see now this was his personal punishment: 'You didn't give me what I wanted, so I'll take my 'feelings' away from you. Learn your lesson!' (Yes!)
Later I saw that his disappearances actually helped me. In times when he was gone I felt much better. Life became easier and I could be more devoted to my everyday life. When he came back again, saying how much he missed me, life became more stressful again. There were huge ups and downs in my relationship with him. (the Cyberpath RollerCoaster) Usually he broke a 'just friends' period when we were talking on voice program and he said: 'Your voice is so sexy I can't resist you…'
Some of Keith's "lines" and hooks:
- He promised to visit me one day and kiss me. He said that many times.
- He said even if you are still married and I know you won't cheat on your husband, I will kiss you and just hold your hand and gaze into your eyes.
- He was whining all the time that he had no money and a low paying job
- He told me he had to finish his bachelor's degree and get CELTA
- He told me he wanted to move to Europe, become a citizen of the European Union. He often said: If I married you I could find a job in any EU country (all about him, isn't it)
- He studied immigration laws in the countries of the EU very carefully
- He asked often if I would marry him right away if there was chemistry once we met (why the hurry Cyberpath? afraid she'd get to know it was all a big lie?)
- He wanted to find a good Catholic girl to marry despite his hate of the Church and the hypocritical values he thought it represented
- Asked for my personal items to send him
- He wanted to keep our relationship a secret. (HUGE WARNING!!! If you truly LOVE someone you want to tell the WORLD!! Not keep it a secret! You only keep secrets when you are EXPLOITING someone)
He was kind and too sweet to me, but then, like Jekyll and Hyde he would change his attitude and became rude and impolite. There were some insults, devaluating my job, saying that my thoughts were the thoughts of a crazy person… I didn't feel good about the fact that he wanted to keep our relationship a secret. He told me that his former girl friend that he had was kept a secret, even from his mother. Later I discovered that he has a lot of secrets, one of them was also the address he gave me. (Bad relationship with his mother? wrong address? incorrect or unverifiable information? MAJOR RED FLAGS!!!! ) The address was someone else's.
In short, this man was a predator and a destructive narcissist.
All women that have been or will be in touch with him were probably asked these questions on the begining of their correspondence. It's part of how he profiles his targets and discovers their values and morals:
- about bringing up kids, if they would slap to a child
- what would they do if their teenage daughter was pregnant
- what would they do if their child was a drug eddict
- he sends them the color test and other mentally probing online games
- he asks them about immigration law and job opportunities in their country
- if they are married he asks questions about their husbands, and intimate questions
- he tells them about his former girlfriends, especially one of them (ANOTHER RED FLAG!!)
More about this Cyberpath shortly!!! - Fighter