Friday, December 19, 2014

Plenty of Fish Online Dating Site Leads to a Rape

By Steve Schmadeke; Chicago Tribune

On a cool fall night in 2009, a 38-year-old west suburban woman went out on a date with a public-relations executive she had recently met online.

The woman was supposed to meet up later that night with her younger sister. But after increasingly worrisome texts — including one that said "please help me" — the sister took a cab to the Lincoln Park neighborhood and with the help of staff finally located her in a hotel room, half naked and sobbing, according to testimony at a trial this week.

On Thursday, a Cook County jury took little more than 90 minutes to convict the executive, Ignacio Carrillo, who prosecutors alleged had drugged the woman before raping her.

Carrillo, 40, still faces trial for allegedly sexually assaulting another woman he met through the same dating site — Plenty of Fish — in 2011. He was charged in both alleged sexual assaults only after the second victim came forward.

Assistant State's Attorney Tom Prisco told jurors during closing arguments earlier Thursday that "under the guise of some sort of romantic evening, he would buy them drinks and then rape them."

"It's been a long five years," the victim told the Tribune after the guilty verdict was announced at the Leighton Criminal Court Building. "I'm glad that someone finally listened."

The victim had reported the 2009 assault at a Lincoln Park hotel to police, but she initially declined to move forward with the prosecution of Carrillo, according to trial testimony. However, she changed her mind when police contacted her after the second victim came forward.

According to trial testimony, Carrillo took the woman to two bars on Oct. 15, 2009, and then a hotel at 601 W. Diversey Parkway, but she remembered only bits and pieces of what happened despite drinking only a glass of wine and a single shot.

When the woman realized she was in a hotel room and tried to leave, Carrillo yanked her back inside and raped her, prosecutors said.

The sister eventually found the hotel she was staying at, grabbed her sister and ran as Carrillo lay "smirking" on the bed, according to testimony.

The victim's younger sister told the Tribune she had to scramble after getting the text that her sister needed help.

"I thank the taxicab driver, wherever he is, for getting me there," she said.

Carrillo, who faces 4 to 15 years in prison, showed no emotion but dropped his eyes when a judge ordered him taken into custody after the verdict.

His attorney, Daniel Radakovich, argued to jurors that the 2009 victim reported being raped because she was disgusted with herself after a one night stand with someone she didn't like.

Prosecutors were allowed to put on evidence at the trial about the alleged 2011 sexual assault to allow jurors to weigh Carrillo's propensity to commit the 2009 rape.

The alleged victim in that case, now 36 and a married mother of two, testified earlier this week that Carrillo ordered her a martini while she was in the bathroom at a Lincoln Park bar while they were out on a date.

She said Carrillo grew angry when she took only a sip from the drink. He poured what he said was olive juice into the drink, telling her to stir it in so she got "the roofie," slang for a date rape drug. The woman testified she thought at the time Carrillo was joking.

After going to another bar — where the woman drank only water — Carrillo raped her against the passenger side door of his Porsche convertible, prosecutors allege. He then wanted to take her to a hotel, but she insisted he drive her home.

"He said this could've been a nice evening, but I ruined it," she testified.

The next day the woman went to a hospital, reported being raped and a nurse called police.

Both women identified Carrillo through his profile on the dating site, prosecutors said.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Facebook Romance Leads to Murder

(UK)  David Hoyle, of Idle Road in Bradford, hit Rebecca Bamber, 43, with wine bottles at her Widnes home in June then repeatedly stabbed her as she fled.

Chester Crown Court heard Hoyle left the scene calmly after the attack and smiled at a neighbour who was calling 999 while trying to help Ms Bamber.

Hoyle, 39, was given a life sentence and will serve at least 25 years.

Hoyle, who previously had a 15-year relationship with Ms Bamber, contacted her in May through the social networking site.

After they spent the night together at her Mersey Road home, he attacked her. The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) said Ms Bamber's neighbour raised the alarm after hearing screams coming from her house. He saw the 43-year-old at her window, covered in blood and mouthing "phone the police". The neighbour called 999 and went to the back of her house, where he found Hoyle in the garden standing over Ms Bamber with a knife.

He rushed back to his own house to find something to defend himself with but, when he returned, Hoyle had gone. He then saw Hoyle drive away in his van, who then "chillingly" smiled at him, the CPS said.

The court was shown CCTV footage of the scene, which showed Hoyle leaving calmly while Ms Bamber's neighbour was on the phone to the emergency services. A recording of the 999 call was also played to the jury, in which the man can be heard trying to comfort Ms Bamber, saying: "It's all right Becky, I'm here, the police are on their way, it's all right darling, stay awake."

Police caught up with Hoyle near Runcorn Bridge, but he rammed their vehicles and escaped on to the M56, where he was again stopped before being Tasered. Following his arrest, Hoyle made no comment at interview. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter, but the CPS insisted he be tried for murder. Speaking after sentencing on Wednesday, prosecutor Richard Riley said Hoyle's claim that he had not meant to kill Ms Bamber was "ridiculous".

"Hoyle subjected Ms Bamber to a brutal and sustained attack and clearly intended to do her really serious harm. "She'd been stabbed 11 times with two different knives and three broken bottles."

'No remorse'
He thanked the neighbour "for the courage he showed throughout this dreadful incident. His 999 call was the key to putting a very dangerous man behind bars," he said.

Det Insp Helen Spooner from Cheshire Police led the investigation. She said Hoyle had "shown no remorse". "We will probably never know the real reason behind Hoyle′s actions that day − only he knows why he subjected Rebecca to such a brutal attack in her own home," she added.

Ms Bamber's family issued a statement after the sentencing, saying: "We still find it difficult to believe that Rebecca has been taken from us in such a cruel and violent way. Not only has a mother been taken, but a sister and daughter too.

"It is difficult for us all to come to terms with what actually happened but, as a family, we hope that the conclusion of this court case will allow us some closure as we try to rebuild our lives and move forward."
original article found here

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

More Evidence Online Dating Sites are Dangerous

(U.S.A.) Army lieutenant Peter Burks was killed in Iraq in 2007 but that didn’t stop dating website True.com from swiping his picture and using it in ads to attract women to their website.

The picture was spotted on two ad spots at free dating site PlentyofFish.com with the words ”Military Man Searching for Love” and ”Soldiers Want You!”

The Burks family is now planning to sue both PlentyOfFish.com and True.com for their parts in using the photo without permission.

The family says Burks died just days after the photo was taken and that he definitely didn’t upload the photograph to the website. In fact the photo was being used on a website to help raise funds to provide supplies to troops in Burks’ honor which is likely where the picture was stolen from.

The Burks family also notes that Peter Burks was engaged when he died which makes True.com’s claims of “Soldier’s Want You!” nothing more than a scam to attract users to the site through the use of fake profiles.

In the meantime a representative for PlentyOfFish notes that the website displays ads from hundreds of thousands of advertisers and is not in charge of the ads for those websites. True.com ads were quickly blocked by PlentyOfFish.com after the Burks family notified the website of the issue.

In the meantime True.com’s potential members might want to look for a dating site that doesn’t create fake profiles in order to lure them in.

What might be the most tragic part of the entire ordeal is that True.com founder Herb Vest attacked other dating websites during a 2006 Forbes interview, as he put it at that time:
“We had to establish a wholesome environment for courtship. Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people.”

It looks like True.com has turned into the exact type of company it hoped to fight against just five years earlier.

original article here

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Why Can't I Let Go of the Cyberpath?

Many of our victims report a complete lack of understanding from therapists, friends & family why they just can't "get over it." These people are re-abusing the victim because they do not understand (or do not want to understand) the effect a Cyberpath (pathological) has on their victims.

Victims are bonded by fear. Fear of finding out the truth AND fear of losing him. This is called Trauma Bonding. (also, look for information on "Stockholm Syndrome")

Dr. Patrick Carne's book THE BETRAYAL BOND - does a fantastic job of explaining this. This might be the very thing that therapists, friends & family refuse to get. But victims vitally need to understand. - EOPC 

letting go Pictures, Images and Photos

"Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds -- chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, kidnapping, exploitation and religious/ verbal/ emotional abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power."
- Dr. Patrick Carnes

selected excerpts:

by Dr. Patrick Carnes

About Trauma Bonding:
These people are all struggling with traumatic bonds. Those standing outside see the obvious. All these relationships are about some insane loyalty or attachment. They share exploitation, fear, and danger. They also have elements of kindness, nobility and righteousness. These are all people who stay involved or wish to stay involved with people who betray them. Emotional pain, severe consequences and even the prospect of death do not stop their caring or commitment.

Clinicians call this “traumatic bonding.” This means that the victims have a certain dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk.

Some relationships are traumatic. Take, for example, the conflictual ties in movies like The War of the Roses or Fatal Attraction. What Lucy does to Charlie Brown (in the comic strip, Peanuts) every year when she holds the football for him to kick is a betrayal we have grown to expect. Abuse cycles such as those found in domestic violence are built around trauma bonds. So are the misplaced loyalties found in exploitive cults, incest families, or hostage and kidnapping situations.

[Victims] who remain with alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, sex addicts, [or Cyberpaths!] and who will not leave no matter what their partners do, may have suffered enough to have a traumatic bond.

Here are the signs that trauma bonds exist in your life:
  • When you obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)
  • When you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.
  • When you go “overboard” to help people who have been destructive to you.
  • When you continue to be a “team” member when obviously things are becoming destructive.
  • When you continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.
  • When you again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.
  • When you are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.
  • When you want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
  • When you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.
  • When you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.
  • When you are loyal to people who have betrayed you.
  • When you are attached to untrustworthy people.
  • When you keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.
  • When you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.

About shame:
An injury to one’s sense of self forges some bonds. The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self. When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable. No addiction can fill in. No denial of self will restore it. No single gesture will be believable. Only a profound sense of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole. We call this wound shame.

Dr. Carnes’ book: The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
The concept of
Traumatic Bonding has also been developed to explain the dynamics of domestic violence relationships. Essentially, strong emotional connections develop between the victim and the perpetrator during the abusive relationship. These emotional ties develop due to the imbalance of power between the batterer and the victim and because the treatment is intermittently good and bad.

In terms of the power imbalance, as the abuser gains more power, the abused individual feels worse about him - or herself, is less able to protect him - or herself, and is less competent. The abused person therefore becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

The second key factor in traumatic bonding is the intermittent and unpredictable abuse. While this may sound counterintuitive, the abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises. The abused individual also feels relief that the abuse has ended. Thus, there is intermittent reinforcement for the behavior, which is difficult to extinguish and serves instead to strengthen the bond between the abuser and the individual being exploited.


Monday, October 13, 2014


Beware Physical, Financial Dangers of Online Dating

Many look for love but find scams and threats

For many of the millions of Americans who have tried online dating, it is an exciting new way to look for the partner of their dreams. But there are potential physical and financial dangers lurking, too.

Cat Hermansen said her experience with online dating took a terrifying turn when she invited a man she met online to pick her up at home for their first date.

"I told him to have a seat on the couch and I sat down beside him," Hermansen said.

"And he pushed me back... and started pawing at me and everything, and what he didn't know is that I could reach down and I pulled my gun out and I put it in his face right between his eyes."

Hermansen said she feels she would have been raped if she didn't have her gun.

"He jumped up and ran out the door - didn't even say bye."

Millions Look for Love Online, and Many Find It
The latest research finds more than 1,000 dating sites on the Web, and nearly 9 million Americans say they subscribed to dating Web sites during the last year, according to analysts at Jupiter Research.

A few, such as True.com, try to do background checks on subscribers, but most do not. (THERE IS NO NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE OR REAL WAY TO CHECK ON WHAT PEOPLE SAY ON DATING PROFILES! No matter WHAT they or the dating site tells you!)

True.com is lobbying state legislatures for laws requiring background checks or at least clear warnings that users are on their own. But some executives of other dating sites say meeting people the old fashioned way isn't any less risky.

Roses and Champagne for a Scam Artist
But experts warn online daters to look out for their financial as well as physical safety when using the sites.

After signing up for Yahoo.com's dating service, Julia Abrantes received an e-mail from a potential suitor telling her, "I can promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty and my respect for a lifetime." The man told Abrantes he was working in Nigeria and eventually asked to borrow money so he could wrap up his business and fly to the United States to be with her.

"I had roses in every room, a bottle of champagne in the fridge," Abrantes said. She waited for hours at the airport, but the man never showed up. "I got in a cab, and I came home and sobbed hysterically," Abrantes said.

When Abrantes started investigating the incident online, she discovered the discussion group Romance Scams. Founder Barb Sluppick says 243 members who responded to a survey said they had lost a total of $2.2 million - about $9,000 a piece.

Abrantes reported her scammer to Yahoo, and the company removed his profile. But when ABC News asked her to check for the man's profile again, she found the same Web site and the same pictures.

The pictures used by the scam artist were actually of a model in Hawaii who had been swiped from the model agency's Web site, Abrantes learned.

Yahoo personals said it acts aggressively when customers report scams. When Abrantes complained for a second time, Yahoo again removed the profile.

"We take offering the best online dating experience very seriously and we … provide a safe and secure environment for singles," Yahoo said in a written statement.

Play It Safe
Experts say that people who choose to date online should use caution:

  • Plan first dates in public places.
  • Make sure friends know when and where you're going on a date and arrange to call and check in at the end of the date.
  • Get a disposable cell phone to use specifically for online dating. If a suitor starts to harass you, you can ditch the phone and get another.
  • Ask a lot of detailed questions. Con artists won't have easy answers and will likely drop out of your life. Do a BACKGROUND CHECK and surf the net for their name, nickname and email address(es) and read ALL the pages!
  • If they tell you, don't speak to "so & so" she's/ he's "obsessed with me, stalking me, scorned, rejected, a wacko", etc. -- MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS TO SPEAK TO THAT VERY PERSON ASAP.
  • Never send money to somebody you meet online. If someone asks for money, it's time to end the relationship.
  • Don't forward checks or packages to people you meet online. Scammers may be trying to lure you into laundering bogus checks or stolen merchandise.

ABC News' Elisabeth Leamy and Allen Levine reported this story for "Good Morning America."

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The Four Psychological Stages Of Those Abused by Cyberpaths

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Stage One ~ DENIAL
The victim refuses to admit even to herself, that she has been 'had' or that there is a problem in her online relationship/friendship. She may call each incident an accident. She offers excuses & rationalizations and each time she is played or insulted firmly believes it will never happen again.

Stage Two ~ GUILT
Victim now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She deserves to be used and lied to, she feels because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her predators's expectations.

The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her cyberpaths's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one deserves to be treated badly, used, played or lied to. She is still committed to her online relationship though and stays with her cyberpath hoping they can work things out. During this period she often questions the predator and hopes for "straight answers" because things are starting to not jive or make sense.

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Accepting the fact that her cyberpath will not, or can not, stop his predatory & manipulative behavior, the victim decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

Often involves "telling" and no more secret keeping - by which she can achieve validation that she is not alone or stupid.

Saturday, September 06, 2014



The Story... so far

A bigamist who has at least 10 children to four different women and embezzled around £200,000 while claiming to be a CIA agent was jailed for five years yesterday.

William Jordan, 41, who has five children with his first wife, two with her nanny, two with his bigamous wife and at least one other in the US, wove an elaborate web of lies to con his victims, a court heard.

The IT consultant duped his bigamously married wife, Mary Turner Thomson, of Edinburgh, from whom he conned nearly £200,000 ($391,400. US), by claiming he was a CIA agent seconded to the Ministry of Defence on covert business. During his long absences, he was, in fact, tending to his real wife and his girlfriend, from whom he also defrauded £4,500 ($8,600. US).

Jordan was arrested last November in a police sting near Oxford. Yesterday, at Oxford Crown Court, he was jailed for bigamy, a string of dishonesty offences, failing to register his whereabouts as a sex offender and illegally possessing a stun gun.

The court heard he was convicted in 1997 of three indecent assaults on a girl under the age of 13. Judge Thomas Corrie said:

"You are a con man, a convicted paedophile and a bigamist. You are an inveterate exploiter of vulnerable women, not just financially but also emotionally."
Miss Turner Thomson, 41, who once ran her own consultancy business, met Jordan on an internet dating site in November 2000. She attended court to see him jailed.
She said outside the court last night: "I'm glad its over," adding that Jordan was a "very clever predator and sociopath".
He would communicate using CIA web addresses, show her passes to RAF bases and send e-mails from an address registered at the office of the Deputy Prime Minister, she said.

Miss Turner Thomson, who is off work because of stress, said Jordan was able to do this as he once worked as an IT contractor for the government.

She and Jordan split when she was confronted last year by his real wife, she said.
"I'm glad the judge recognised him for who he is. I hope if there are any other of his victims out there, they too will find freedom though this."

A source close to the police investigation said: "Jordan is very intelligent. With a brain like that, he could have made good money through legitimate means."
Jordan, a naturalised Briton, married his first British wife, Julie Cunningham, in 1992, the court heard. Ten years later, he married Miss Turner Thomson.

Unknown to Miss Turner Thomson, Jordan's real wife was living at nearby Gullane in East Lothian. When Miss Turner Thomson found out about the second home, he convinced her it was a CIA safe house and the woman was a fellow operative.

Jordan also slept with his real wife's nanny. In May 2005, he also struck up a relationship with Denise King, then based in Blackpool. It was his undoing.

Jordan had set up a recruitment firm, registered in his bigamous wife's name, and used this to lure Miss King to Kent with the promise of a better job. He began a relationship with her and obtained her credit-card details as she was a customer.

When he failed to repay money he borrowed, she contacted police and a sting centring on his fraudulent use of her credit card was set up.