The Psychopath Next Door

Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson, Peterson, BTK and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel - most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers.

They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride - until it's too late.

Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths.

The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, sleep with him, and to put up with him when he strays.

The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims - at work, through friendships or relationships - and

not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book Without Conscience, a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie ‘"Sliding Doors" to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he’s less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman’s existence.

In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they’ve gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others.

Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says.

"However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.

How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change.

The common problem with psychopaths, says Seto, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'

Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

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Taken in part from MW - By Caroline Konrad - September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITYThese people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

1. They are habitual liars--They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.



2. They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.



3. They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault. Blame-shifting and projection are chronic.



4. They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.



5. Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
6. 
   

If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!

(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.

Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.

(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.

Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.

(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach.

The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under.

Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed.

Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.

If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit.

The malignant type is a usually coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.

MORE ON PSYCHOPATHS - CLICK HERE

I Had an Emotional Affair

How "innocent" chats and e-mails nearly destroyed my marriage
by David Bauer

"Here." With tears streaming down her face, Dawn,* my wife of five years, stormed into my office at work and tossed a list on my desk. "I need you to stop at the grocery store on your way home. I have to pick up the kids." "What's wrong?" I approached her, but she waved me away. "You never talk to me, and you expect me to tell you what's wrong? Forget it!" "Dawn, please. Sit down and tell me why you're so upset." "Not here. Later." She left before I could argue further. I didn't try to stop her. Dawn knew. Somehow she'd discovered the secret I'd concealed for months. I'd fallen in love with another woman. Dawn and I had been high school sweethearts. I couldn't wait to marry her. But our marriage soon began to unravel. Close ties to her family, who lived nearby, constantly interfered with our time as a couple. Dawn didn't see the need to separate from her parents and put me first. She ran to them when we had a disagreement. If we went out for dinner and a movie, she invited them along.

Over time, I began to feel like a child waiting to join a kickball team, raising my hand and shouting, "Pick me! Pick me!" Jealousy grew, poisoning our marriage. In a heated argument one night, I demanded, "If I asked you to choose between me and your parents, whom would you choose?" Without speaking she answered my question. Four years into our marriage, Dawn and I had drifted apart. I'd grown weary of being rejected, emotionally and sexually. Her excuses for refusing my sexual advances ranged from fatigue to lack of interest. One night in bed, I massaged her back and legs, knowing it was a turn on to her. She responded with a perfunctory kiss on the lips. "Not tonight, David. Maybe tomorrow." She rolled over and went to sleep, leaving me dejected and hurt. Before long we were having sex only once every couple months. I envied my married friends who described frequent, healthy sexual relationships. As my resentment grew, I began to wonder what I'd ever loved about Dawn.
A change of scene
Needing a change, I enrolled in a local community college. I met Stephanie my first semester. We attended several classes together. I learned her father worked for the same company I did, and Stephanie and I both had a child the same age. She was stuck in an unsatisfying relationship with her live-in boyfriend; I was disillusioned in my marriage. We connected instantly, sharing long conversations over lunch, in-between classes, and sometimes even during class. Second semester, Stephanie and I didn't have any classes together. Deprived of the opportunity to see and talk with each other, we started to chat over the Internet. I also created a new e-mail account strictly for our correspondence. Our instant messaging began as a way to communicate during class, similar to the way I'd passed notes as a kid.

But the sessions grew more frequent, and soon I was chatting while at my job and late at night while doing homework. Our physical separation provided a false sense of security when our conversations and e-mails turned gradually more flirtatious. Stephanie stood out from other women I knew. She was free spirited-intelligent, funny, and carefree. But most important, she was attentive and non-judgmental. As our friendship grew, so did my romantic feelings. Inside, though, I was conflicted. Though I knew I was breaking my vows, I felt Dawn's rejection justified my feelings for Stephanie. I often cried out to God through journaling and poetry. I knew he'd forgive me if I repented. But at the same time, I blamed God for allowing my marriage to fall apart. And frankly, I wasn't ready to repent.

The great divide
Sensing the growing chasm between us, Dawn sought ways to spend more time together, clearing her calendar of events planned weeks in advance. She made certain we ate supper together and cooked my favorite foods. I stubbornly resisted her efforts. "How was your day?" she'd ask when I came home from work. "Fine," I'd reply, then ignore her. Although I knew I should work on my marriage, I was still angry about Dawn's loyalty to her parents and her sexual rejection of me. I wanted to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt me. Months earlier I'd planned a romantic, 5th-anniversary trip to Cancun. As my relationship with Stephanie intensified, so did my desire to get out of the trip. One week before we were to leave, Dawn and I had a heated argument. "We may as well cancel our trip to Cancun," I said. "I don't want to waste the time or money when all we do is fight."

Shocked, Dawn began to sob. I cancelled our reservations the next day. Four weeks passed. One day at work an instant message from Stephanie popped onto my screen. "I need to tell you something, but I don't know how." Replying back, I urged, "You can share anything with me." "It's really personal and I don't want to look foolish." "Okay," I said, "if it makes you feel better, send me an e-mail." Sure she was going to confide her feelings toward me, I logged onto my e-mail account. I read her message, savoring every word. "The last several weeks have been great," she wrote. "I know you're married, which makes this a lot harder." My heart pounded in my chest as I read on. "I've realized I have feelings for you. I often imagine what it would be like to kiss you." Elated, I replied back, "Me too." For the first time in months, I felt needed and wanted. I looked forward with anticipation to kissing Stephanie. A few weeks later, at a remote picnic spot, we shared our first kiss. My heart said I'd found paradise; my head screamed, What are you doing? Although we never progressed past kissing, each time we kissed the pull to go further strengthened.

As I continued to withdraw from Dawn, she became angry. "You touch that laptop more than you touch me," she complained. "Welcome to my world," I muttered, remembering her sexual rejections. "David, I've tried. Won't you ever forgive me?" "You've pushed me away for years. It's too late to fix things." I thought about Stephanie, how she gave me the attention I craved. She soothed my wounded ego with compliments and love notes, filling a void in my heart. I began to believe she was my soul mate. I was in love.

Walking a tightrope
Late one night I was instant messaging Stephanie, when Dawn sat up in bed. "What are you working on?" "Homework," I replied. A message from Stephanie popped up, and I quickly minimized it. "What was that?" Dawn asked. Adrenaline rushed through my body. "An Internet advertisement." I knew my sneaking around was wrong. I buried myself in work and school, no longer wanting to be home. Fearing my relationship with Stephanie would be discovered, I limited my contact with family and church friends. I knew I should end things between us, but I wasn't strong enough. Six weeks had passed since Stephanie and I admitted our feelings for each other. One night after skipping class to be with her, I returned home to receive a call from Alex, a family friend. He asked if I'd meet with him. "I've seen changes in you," Alex told me when we got together. "Your priorities have shifted. You're investing far more time in school and your friends there than in your wife and son." He proceeded to share how, as a young husband and father of three, he'd cheated on his wife with a female college instructor. "David, I can see my past living out in you." For some reason I confessed my relationship with Stephanie, and that I was ready to leave Dawn and our son, Drew, for her. Alex listened patiently, making one request—that I allow him to arrange for Dawn and me to meet with a marriage counselor. I promised I'd think about it.

Secrets revealed
The next day, Dawn confronted me in my office. Alex must have told Dawn about Stephanie. I stewed as I drove home from work that night, bracing myself for the confrontation to come. How dare Alex tell Dawn! When I arrived home Dawn's face was puffy and tear-stained as she prepared supper. After an uncomfortably silent dinner, I tucked Drew into bed. Walking downstairs, I found Dawn sitting on the couch, waiting. I sat on the floor and said, "Is there anything you want to ask me?" "Who is she?" Dawn asked. "How long has this been going on?" I told her Stephanie's name and that we'd been involved for six or seven weeks. "Do you love her?" "I think so," I admitted. "I'm not sure I can end the relationship. How did you find out?" Dawn started to cry. "Alex told Mom and Dad. When I stopped by their house this afternoon, Mom was crying. They didn't want to tell me what was wrong, but I guessed." It figures, I thought angrily. Once again Dawn's parents had come between us. I felt I was on trial as I confessed everything—that I'd become emotionally involved with Stephanie through e-mails and instant messaging, and that the affair was on the verge of becoming sexual. I hoped Dawn would give up on us. Since I didn't have the courage to end our marriage, I wanted her to do it.

When I revealed that Stephanie's mother attended the same woman's group as Dawn, her control snapped. "What?" she yelled. "It's her?" Eyes flashing with anger, she ran to the basement. Grabbing a plastic baseball bat, she beat it against the stacks of Rubbermaid containers and cardboard boxes. "You're nothing but a liar!" she wailed loud enough for me to hear her upstairs. "How could you betray me like this?" I stood in the kitchen, torn between anger and shame. You drove me to it, I thought bitterly. You chose your parents over me, so I chose Stephanie over you. Dawn finally came upstairs, red-eyed and exhausted. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "I don't know." "I'm willing to work through this," she said. "But it's your decision. Either you end your relationship with Stephanie, or it's the end of our marriage."

The next five days were the darkest I've ever experienced. My secret was out. Our family and church friends knew what I'd done. Inside me, a spiritual battle raged. I replayed the notes, the cards, the conversations, and the physical attraction that drew me to Stephanie. Though ashamed, I didn't want the fantasy to end. A few days later I received a letter from a respected friend. I wept as I read her loving admonishment. "I fear that if you turn your back on Dawn and Drew, you'll forever be haunted by deep regrets and wounds that will never heal completely. Yes, God forgives, but we must bear the 'blisters of the heart.'" I wept most of that night. Dawn stayed with me, comforting me. The next day I knew what I had to do. I e-mailed Stephanie that I'd decided to work out things with Dawn and was ending the relationship. "Please don't contact me anymore," was my final statement. Stephanie responded angrily. "I wish you'd made that decision earlier so I didn't end up hurting people I care for!" Two days later Dawn and I entered marital counseling. As we talked, I was able to make Dawn understand how deeply she'd hurt me. "I felt as if you loved your parents more than me," I confessed. "I'm so tired of feeling rejected. So I decided it was less painful if I pulled away from you." "I'm sorry I made you feel that way," she replied. "I'm completely committed to fixing our marriage, whatever the cost." As we worked to bridge the distance between us, physical love became a catalyst for our healing. "I need to be close to you," Dawn told me. "I feel as if we're becoming one again."
While it took just weeks for my heart to stray, restoring our marriage took much longer. At times I questioned if staying with Dawn had been the right decision. When we fought, I'd recall the good times Stephanie and I had shared, and I was tempted to pick up the phone or e-mail her. Dawn had doubts as well. "I still don't trust you 100 percent," she confessed nearly two years later. "Sometimes when we fight I wonder if you're still sneaking around." More than five years have passed. Rather than involving her parents in our disputes, Dawn now seeks counsel from two women. They help her see when she's right, when she's wrong, and how to grow in her role as a wife. Though my job requires that I correspond with colleagues, male and female, through e-mail and instant messaging, I limit my conversations to work-related topics. If a conversation drifts to a personal tone, I end it. I also meet with six other men to share, study, and pray on Sunday mornings. As Dawn and I continue to rebuild trust, we're committed to being honest about our feelings and thoughts and with each other.

* names have been changed David Bauer is a pseudonym for an author living in Minnesota.

(EOPC DOES NOT AGREE with always cutting off the 'other woman' who was truly a pawn in all this - 'David' could have taken a break from Stephanie, and worked to reframe their friendship after working on his marriage. Though some therapists say cut it off - it makes life MUCH TOO EASY for the cyberpath & traumatizes the victims (often the spouse/ partner AND the other woman). We don't agree.

Considering he & Stephanie never physically consummated things - and that Stephanie was very supportive to him - it also ends what could be a decent friendship. The current advice of just 'cutting it off' is turning out to be more harm than help psychologically to victims. And far too easy for the predator. Especially for the other 'person' who is often a pawn or target. 'David' could have introduced the 2 women eventually if he wanted - and worked on his marriage while making appropriate amends to Stephanie. Stephanie got hurt and used, and now this writer is talking about how great it all was for him to save his marriage. While saving the marriage was a good thing, where does that leave the 3rd person? Something's not right.... Our 10 cents - EOPC)

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More Head Games with Beatrice Acevedo

Comments in Dark Blue are EOPC's opinions

FROM: Beatrice Acevedo
September 1, 2008 at 4:05pm

Ohh sweetheart, my love, my baby. I am so thankful to God we met. I wanna be your little Belgian wife and make you happy for the rest of your life and I wanna make a beautiful little bambino with you.., or a bambina!

The victim reports that soon after the above her pattern seemed different. family, friends thought i was getting taken for a ride. I was ready to break, but noooooooo -- she hoover manuevers him back in with lame reassurances.

Beatrice Acevedo
September 18, 2008 at 10:39am

Hi Honey,
Thanks for the wakeup call this morning. I heard the phone but could not hear your voice. kept being disconnected. What a bummer! I am glad we talked yesterday.Love hearing your voice. I don't know what has happened to us lately. Maybe it's because we have not been together yet and are getting impatient. It is not a good thing though not to trust each other, especially since we have only being calling, talking on FB and texted. We haven't touched, kissed or been physically involved but still we care alot about each other and much more. I don't want us to feel this way again. We have been so close and fought together (Tony, the immigration, obstacles of all kind). I hope this time we can make it, amore.
Ti amo molto. Bacci per te. Honey

The victim booked a flight for a 2 week visit to see Acevedo and gave her plenty of notice. Just DAYS before he gets this:

Beatrice Acevedo
September 22, 2008 at 4:19pm

My dear Davey, sweetheart,

I hope you're not gonna get upset at me for wht I am about to tell you. I know it is at the last minute but I feel I have no choice. I talked to the ADD this morning, explained the situation and ask her for advice as to how you should handle tony if a problem should arise. I di not expect that kind of answer or reaction from her. She told me that it almost seems like we used the fact that he hit me once on the lip as an excuse for us to get him out of the house and that therefore when he goes to Court on October 17th he could actually use that against us, actually against me. That could possibly cause me some trouble.

The worst case scenario, due to the situation and the Squatter"s law if they rule in his favor he might be allowed to use my place as his residence til he finds something else and I would loose my order of protection. I know it sounds wack but that is unfortunately the reality. I am sure you are as upset and disappointed as I am but I am asking you to be patient and follow the ADD's advice to wait til after the trail for a visit. It would actually be better if I go up there because he would have no proof of my destination. My cell is fixed so please give me a call later so we can talk about this. I ams o sorry baby. Ti amo molto e sempre. Bacci, besos.
Honey Bea



FROM: Beatrice Acevedo
August 7, 2008 at 8:39am

Bonjour mon chou,
I just got the opportunity to open Facebook and read your message.I know you would be blinded by desire, that's why I did it. I am such a naughty girl, hehe....

Pauvre singe, il travaille overtime et ce n'est rien en comparaison du"overtime" qu'il va faire quand tu arrives a New York. Yeah, I want us to do it nice and slow! I want us to take our time.
Many kisses to you too, everywhere.
Je t'aime, mon amour.

Your message makes me feel better because I had to deal with T** again this morning. He bothered me at home then he won't stop calling my job to start arguing. I told him that if he does not stop that I will go to Court. I told him he has to leave soon because it's over and I will never change my mind. He then called me selfish! If somebody has been selfish throughout the years it's him. I can't wait for you to come down here, Baby. I need you so much by my side. Whether he wants it or not he must leave. He has to accept that our love is meant to last and what we mean to each other. You are truly the man I was waiting for all those years. I love you sooo much.
Can't wait to hear your voice tonight!!
Bacci, bacci.
Your Honey Bea forever.


Beatrice Acevedo
August 19, 2008 at 3:41pm

Ti amo, Je t'aime, te quiero, ish liebe disch, ik hou van jou....
We will be together for our B'days the latest!
Let's talk about all this tonight and make plans. When there is a will there is a way! Love will find a way.
Your Honey Bea forever.


Beatrice Acevedo
August 25, 2008 at 9:28am

Bonjour mon cheri,
Now that I have a few minutes of privacy, let em tell you how I am gonna take care of you. First I will "try" to undress you slowly... if I am too impatient I am gonna have to rip your clothes off!!

I am going to kiss you slowly, then more and more passionately. I love French kissing and I am pretty good at it so I will *********. I find it very exciting for both of us!

*********

Now I think you are like a volacno about to erupt!!!
I hope you enjoyed reading my sex message :)
Til we meet in a month maybe we could do phone and text sex!!! What do you think? Would you enjoy that?
I love you with all my heart baby. I enjoyed hearing your sexy voice this morning telling me in details how you're gonna ****.
You are my true love Darling.
Can't wait to see you, be with you and ******.
Bacci, bisous.
Honey Bea



Beatrice Acevedo
August 29, 2008 at 3:09pm

Can't wait to hear your sexy husky male voice tonight. You rule my world Baby!
By the way, I saw T** this morning and he said he does not think you are right for me and that there is something wrong with you. I said that of course he has to say that since he is jealous. He would say that just about any man!! He also said he is worried for me and the kids. Look who's talking...he has got balls to talk this way after what happened!

Pathological liar? Yes... EOPC thinks so. And the mind f**k is unreal.

Beatrice Acevedo: Pathological Game Playing

(our comments in dark blue and italics)

After 7 months in the belief we had a real relationship (mostly due to things she said and wanted me to believe), which included $400 wasted on a canceled trip, and Beatrice scamming me out of $800 sent via "western unions" -- this was a partial truth that was revealed:

From: beatrice@mayfairnewyork.com
Sent: February 24, 2009 9:28:09 AM
To: XXX XXXXX (XXXXX@hotmail.com)

I'll tell you what the purpose of life is, buddy. As of yetewrday I deny God's existence. You know why? Because no matter how much I pray him, he never listens. He does give me what can make my life finally peaceful and happy. I broke down at the job today. If it were not for Joe, I would still feel suicidal.

I have to make my peace with you. I am not the woman you think I am . I lied to you for months and cheated on you with my ex. I am expecting a baby boy in June. That's my punishment, my curse for beahvibg lime a slut and a heatless bitch. I hope you hate my guts now taht I have told you the truth. Find yourself a good woman and move on. There is nothing for you to be longing for cause i am not worth it. If it makes you feel better, I am very unhappy. Looks like I will never find peace and happiness but you will, trust me.

Good luck with everything

The relationship started on Facebook in late May 2008 , it "took off" June 13-14 2008. In July to September, 2008 there were 2 times I received emails from her "live in boyfriend". (she does have the bf , but those emails came from HER not him, she pretended to be him). 2 times she called me to say they were fighting she may be in danger, so I called the police in New York City. In the second time I was told he was out of the residence and there were conditions.

In mid-september I started to feel uneasy, a bit anxious, insecure that what family and friends suspected may be true. She was just a player.

Here are some examples of her "reassurances":

Beatrice Acevedo
September 1, 2008
at 4:05pm Report
Ohh sweetheart, my love, my baby. I am so thankful to
God we met. I wanna be your little Belgian wife and make you happy for the rest
of your life and I wanna make a beautiful little bambino with you.., or a
bambina!

After her birthday her pattern seemed different. Family & friends thought i was getting taken for a ride but she had me brainwashed & roped in. I was ready to break, but noooooooo... she wouldn't let go of her "toy." Here's the 1st of the reassurances from her

(check the brainwashing and seductive NLP emebbedwords like "trust" "touch" "kiss" and "close")

Beatrice Acevedo
September 18, 2008
at 10:39am

Hi Honey,
Thanks for the wakeup call this morning. I heard the phone but could not hear your voice. kept being disconnected. What a bummer! I am glad we talked yesterday.

Love hearing your voice. I don't know what has happened to us lately. Maybe it's because we have not been together yet and are getting impatient. It is not a good thing though not to trust each other, especially since we have only being calling, talking on FB and texted. We haven't touched, kissed or been physically involved but still we care alot about each other and much more. I don't want us to feel this way again. We have been so close and fought together (Tony (her boyfriend), the immigration, obstacles of all kind). I hope this time we can make it, amore.
Ti amo molto. Bacci per
te. Honey

Beatrice Acevedo
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November 20 at 10:41am
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Hi amore mio.
I am so sorry the cell, your family and friends are puting doubts on your mind. Try not to be so insecure please because I suffered in my past relationships because of that and it does worries me. I understand perefectly your reasons though. You can't get in touch with me plus people are miserable with their own lives and try to put negative ideas on your mind so you drop me. That is so typical of them not to mind their own business. I don't care about them but I do care and love you. please don't forget that. I truly treasure you my sweetheart and I want to make you happy.
Thank you for the updates and taking care of business. You have shown me that you are the man who can take good care of the kids and me. I wanna build a future with you and be together til the day I die. (the B.S. is amazing!!)
Tonight I have parent teacher conference at 7PM. I should be home by 8. We will have dinner then I will text you. It might be at 10 or earlier. I have a lot to do tonight since Mickey has a spelling and math test tomorrow to prep for. I cross my fingers we can talk. I miss your voice.
Don't worry. You do not bother me at the hotel at all. It actually brightens my
day!
Rest well sleepyhead.
I love you with all my heart. Ti amo.
Bacci, bacci.
HoneyBea

Here is the email I got when ... yup, I booked the trip we were gonna finally meet... 2 days before departure:

Beatrice Acevedo

September 22, 2008

at 4:19pm

My dear, sweetheart,
I hope you're not gonna get upset at me for wht I am about to tell you. I know it is at the last minute but I feel I have no choice. I talked to the ADD this morning, explained the situation and ask her for advice as to how you should handle tony if a problem should arise. I di not expect that kind of answer or reaction from her. She told me that it almost seems like we used the fact that he hit me once on the lip as an excuse for us to get him out of the house and that therefore when he goes to Court on October 17th he could actually use that against us, actually against me. That could possibly cause me some trouble. The worst case scenario, due to the situation and the squatter"s law if they rule in his favor he might be allowed to use my place as his
residence til he finds something else and I would loose my order of protection. I know it sounds wack but that is unfortunately the reality. I am sure you are as upset and disappointed as I am but I am asking you to be patient and follow the ADD's advice to wait til after the trail for a visit. (liar) It would actually be better if I go up there because he would have no proof of my destination. My cell is fixed so please give me a call later so we can talk about this. I amso sorry baby. Ti amo molto e sempre. Bacci, besos.
Honey Bea

In 2008 December, with the holidays approaching, we talked almost every night for the almost half a year. She kept the 'relationship' pressure up:

To: XXXXX@hotmail.com
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 08:23:35 -0700
Subject: Re:
CROSSROADS
From: beatrice@mayfairnewyork.com

XXXXX,
Thanks for writing and let out some of the steam that has been accumulated recently. Actually, believe me or not, I have no idea when we are getting the bonus.
According to the ladies in the office, so far, no activity has happened with Bob. Usually, he takes hours checking every employee's hours, seniority ect... We are all concerned that due to the lack of business in December he is taking his time and will give it to us a couple of days before Christmas. That is not cool! We are all upset.

I read several times your email and was a little surprised by some of the content and tone. First, about the money. The reason I expected some help from you is because of the $600.00 on the Helio bill due to long conversations between Canada and the US, let's say half and half, the excess was paid thanks to your generosity and I appreciate your help but it seems like you are throwing it in my face and that it unpleasant for me. You lost $400.00 trying to cross over. It could be considered half and half but even if the DA had said it was ok, it would not have changed anything since you did not have a birth certificate. (Acevedo here is blame shifting, not taking responsibility, guilt tripping, getting defensive, playing martyr... games, games, games)

Your lack of trust, insecurities and jealousy, well I think that they have been anchored in you for way before "out time". If the case was reversed and you had "cell" problems, I would not think anything bad of it because I am a trustful person. I suffered with two relationships because of such issues and although I don't consider myself paranoid or traumatized, I am still very sensitive and cautious, especially since I have two children. They are my life and will always come first, even before my own pleasure and convenience, which leads to the subject of me come and visit you in December alone. I am so sorry but that I can't do and it is not due to Mickey. I talked to Josh about it and to be honest with you, he is worried about me traveling alone to go and see a "man I never even met in my life". (someone else's fault she isn't going to meet him and keep playing games???) He likes you a lot but is still healing from what happened with his stepfather. It is gonna take him a while to open up to the idea of me being in a relationship. That surprised me when he told me so because he always seemed enthusiastic when he talked to you on the phone or I mentioned you and me but he only did it beacuse it made me happy. I am so sorry to disappoint you but I have no choice but to stay in The States.

I have also wondered why we encountered so many obstacles over the least few months, as if a force out there was keeping us apart. I believe everything happens for a reason and our lives are in God's hands. It will be whatever he decides is best for us. (invoking spiritually when she has none!) Recently, our relationship has been a burden on you emotionally. Obviously, all the delays, obstacles, lack of communication have made you unease and unhappy. I care about you a lot and don't like seeing you this way. I want you to be happy, even if it means for you to renounce to me and look for a good woman, living close to you that would bring you the happiness you deserve. I think we are at the crossroads right now, not next year. It is hard for me to live under the pressure you are putting on me. I can't handle that. It is scaring me. I am sorry for being dramatic but I suffered a lot and don't want to go through that pain and problems again. I would rather be alone than live this way. (Oh the guilt tripping and playing martyr!! Typical cyberpath)

I am not breaking up with you but I need you to be reasonable and use another tone
when we communicate via email. It felt very authoritative to me and I don't like
it. I now feel very unease. I am sorry if those words seemed harsh but I had to tell you how I feel. Let's both think about all this and talk in a few days.
Ti amo, I love you.
Bacci, bacci. your Honey Bea

Lets go to the start.... when she got to me HOOK, LINE & SINKER) :

Beatrice Acevedo
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May 20 at 11:45am
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I saw you on "Are You Interested" (http://apps.facebook.com/yesnomaybe/?f=m)
and wanted to say hi!

XXXX XXXXXX
May 22 at 12:10am
Beatrice
Hello

That was most thoughtful,and I do feel honoured.If it is alright
with you I would like to add you as a friend,.... =)

Beatrice Acevedo
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May 22 at 7:40am
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I would be
delighted :)))

David Reggimenti
May 23 at 6:22am
Beatrice

une grand merci,anez une bien week-end, heeheee you might understand
that,

xo XXXX

Beatrice Acevedo
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May 23 at
11:04am
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Hi XXX, bien sur que je comprend! Le francais est ma langue maternelle!
Passes un bon weekend aussi. J'espere qu'il sear ensoleille.
A bientot.
Beatrice
My Vampire Temptress wants to hug
you.

Click here to give me some Vampire love!
(nevermind the blood
on her teeth...)
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XXXX XXXXXX
May
28 at 7:06pm
Beatrice

merci,je n,ai pratique pas assez francais ici. I bet you had a busy week at work.The weather is nice ,and it is beginning of summer holiday season.Wow you have a facinating background, heeeheee you can put the bite into me anytime, heeheeeee a plus tard,
xo XXX

Beatrice Acevedo
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May 30 at 1:58pm
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Message
Hey there! Come stai? Tutto bebe, spero.
I did have a busy week.
We are flooded with European tourists. I had to finish a new booking website in
Europe to boost sales and I was bored to death calculating prices and loading
them. when I wa sdone I could barely see!!
Thanks for the compliment. You are a cutie!
I will bite you again..
xoxo Bea

(she must have been trolling Facebook for a decent, trusting guy!)

In "retrospect" I did say say she could put the the "bite" into me... (we'd bet you aren't the only one!)


Now here its the end with a couple "dear johns" :

To: XXXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Date: Thu, 15 Jan 2009 11:44:52 -0700
Subject:
From: beatrice@mayfairnewyork.com

My dear XXX
I
never imagined I would have to write these sad words but unfortunately due to
our situation, circumstances and fate I feel it is necessary.
I appreciate your honesty in the diverse voicemails you left me as well as during our phone conversation yesterday.
You are a great human being with a heart of gold and I think you deserve much better than the situation we have been in for many months now. We have been in a long distance, sort of "blind date" relationship in which we never had the opportunity to meet face to face and share some good moments ( and not just physically).
All the delays due to immigration, court, paperwork and complications of all kinds, including my damn cell have made you extremely frustrated and unhappy and that's not what I want for you. I want you to be happy and not feel lonely anymore. Even if we finally get together, what will happen next? More months of frustration til we can
financially afford another trip? What about immigration and its suspicious system? Obviously it would be close to impossible for either you or me to immigrate even if we get married. Some kind of force out there has been keeping us apart for some reason. Maybe God has other plans for both of us? I am so sorry but I think it is best if we put an end to all that misery. I will always treasure the memories I have of all our conversations. I will never forget them or you. You will always have a special place in my heart but I can't go through with this anymore and obviously so can't you. This is also putting a high financial burden on you and it is not fair. At your age you should enjoy your own space, in your own apartment or studio and enjoy life. Instead of that you are stuck between your mom's house and your job, without going out, meet friends and have fun. You also need some sort of emotional and physical contact with a woman.
I want your happiness that's why I am writing this letter to you. I did a lot of thinking last night and barely slept. I am very sad and will be for along time. I will be lonely and will turn all my attention on my boys' wellbeing and happiness.
I wish you happiness and please don't be sad. Deep inside, we both know it is for the best. Time heals all wounds. We can keep in touch of course. (in case I want to USE & HURT you again!) Feel free to let me know how things are going. I will always be happy to hear from you.
I love you. Thnak you again for all the love, support and happiness you gave me.
Beatrice

(kiss off letter... isn't she soooo magnanimous??? a real piece of cyberpathy!)

To: XXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2009 06:42:52 -0700
Subject:
Re: Comprimise
From: beatrice@mayfairnewyork.com

Dear XXX,
Thank
you for your email. I apologize for not answering sooner. I feel like I deglected you recently and I am sorry about that. It should not be this way. All I have been focused on recently is settling my debts, try to save money and spend quality time with the kids. I think I am going to some sort of phase as far as love, feelings and dating is concerned. I feel dry and empty as if I had nothing to offer. It is so strange and I hate feeling this way but it is the reality. I lost my libido and and am not even missing it. It's like I am used to be by myself and am fine with it.
Meanwhile you have been waiting patiently for me. Please don't wait anymore. That's not right. Don't waste both your time and money for me. Forget about me and focus on your self instead. Save money, get a studio to reach your independency and please go out and give other females a chance. It's not a life for you. You are 38, healthy and should enjoy "physical activity" and feel loved. I care a lot about you, we have a strong bond, you are a great guy but I can't be with anybody now til I put the pieces of my life together and that's gonna take a long time. I am even thinking about moving to Florida within a year. I am fed up with New York, its people, the cold and the Mayfair but we'll see about that.
I am not depressed but finf myself indecisive and you should not have to pay for that. Please don't try to convince me to change my mind because once I take a decision I don't go back. I hope I am not being too abrupt but I have to be honest with you. You are very dear to me but deserve better.
I wish you the best life can bring you. Thanks for everything you did for me and the boys.
Beatrice

(again... oh please... and did you notice how much BETTER her English and spelling got... ALL OF A SUDDEN??? She has done this before and probably is still doing it with some other clueless man who lives far far away from her so she can't get caught!)

I did speak with her boyfriend. I did get the truth. Beatrice became pregnant with a regular affair in New York. I have come to understand she possible had characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder.

She even told me her her 'colleague' at her hotel was interested in writing a novel, maybe a detective story.

Joseph Brian XXXX
May 7
at 6:50pm

Throughout history we’ve all read about epic battles and the heroes
that raised up and the invasive that were put down. But I have to say nothing in
my time on this earth have I been through something like this. I’ve have a
really bad few months, and it has not gotten any better. The nails have been
pasted into the coffin and there’s no turning back from this one. She said it’s
the end of a new beginning but I say I’m done. Tomorrow she hired some guys to
bring my all my thing from the house, she also said that it will take them 20
minutes to move 17 boxes of my stuff over to were I’m staying. I guess these
guys are from her job but guys still the same. This is what she wants and it but
for that past few days she’s been calling me every night at 9:35pm talking to me
on the phone and ping real nice but every time I ask her let’s go out and get
something to eat or go for a walk and talk, she tells me no, till she told me to
stop asking and she will let me know when it’s time for that. (She will ask
me)….. But in the mean time she is packing all my things to be moved.?????

Heroes? Epic battles? Sounds very familiar... they're all on the same crazy bus!! And Beatrice Acevedo is the driver.

November 2010 Predator of the Month: Beatrice Acevedo

[EOPC's comments in dark blue]

Another cautionary tale of the misuse of social networking by predators. Both male and FEMALE. In this case the latter.

An app(lication) on Facebook asks those looking for love (indicated on one's Facebook profile) asks: "are you interested". You the click on pictures.
If there is a match then parties move forward from there.

Here's Beatrice's first "solicitous" message to her victim:

Beatrice Acevedo
Add as Friend

I saw you on "Are You Interested" (http://apps.facebook.com/yesnomaybe/?f=m) and wanted to say hi!

This victim then added her as a friend and exchanged light hearted messages.

Then, right after she had called me "my love" (in French) in a previous message she wrote:

(caution! she's moving too fast and they never even met in person. These are red flags this victim won't ignore the next time!)

Beatrice Acevedo June 17, 2008 at 5:35pm
Hi XXX. You have no idea How happy I was to read your message and what a message it was. it almost felt like a letter. We already have another thing in common, we like talking. That sounds nice.

Today I stayed home since I was feeling under the weather but you put a smile on my face. Tomorrow I am home too sinced my younger son MXXX (we call him MXXX) is graduating from Kindergaarten. I had better take tissues just in case I have something in my eye... you know what I mean. It was so moving when JXXX (10) graduated, especially when the kids sang "you are my sunshine"to their mom and brought you a rose! MXXX is 5.

They're my little men, always there for me . They give me a lot of amore and joy. We have a lot fun together. They are as goofy as heir mom. I love joking and a little nuts sometimes. I believe a good sense of humor helps you go through any stress or problems more smoothly.

I work with my best friends so we work hard but have fun. The atmosphere is laid back. No uniforms & IPod welcome at the front desk. We're all goofballs who entertain the guests. I have lots of regulars. We make it very homey. My boss is a nutcase who is freaking out when something goes wrong but I pay no mind to him anymore. Actually I can imitate him very well (one of my talents). We were busy during the weekend but once again we are all the time. Excellent year for business. Xmas bonus should be great!

You seem very busy yourself with your ob. Interesting how you got your inspiration! The other day I had a George Michael checking in with his wife but that was a regular Joe who happens to have that name! Now as far as my private life story is concerned my story is complicated. To summarize it my sons are from 2 different fathers. I married JXXX's father at the age of 26 and left him after 2 years of hell since he was abusive. JXXX was a baby and does not remember him. I told him the story though. I believe honesty is important with kids. I lived with XXX for 2 years just the two of us.

One day I met a man witth his ddaughter at the playground. We tallked and he seemed perfect for me since he was divorced with a child. I'll be honest with you since I like you. In the six years we haived togher we got separated twice which was my decision. He is an alcoholic and I can't live this way. The last time we came back together he begged me and promised he would stop. of course he still does it, not so bad but that is enough to upset me. I am not happy with him and lost all the love I had. It's a question of time before I break up for good . I would love to keep talking to you and get to know you better but I'll understand ifr you don't want nything do with me after what I told you. I really like you so I hope you're not upset. Just in case, my cell is XXX XXXX. I am always alone in the evening.

Tanti bacci per te. The little devil in the blue dress.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Her newest victim thought then she was upfront and honest and did call her. Notice how she'd thrown out the Female Predator 'Pity Ploy' along with the 'I've been abused' Ploy and the 'I Love My Kids/ Good Mother' Ploy. Unfortunately we never know if the person is telling the truth... and if we assume they are without checking on them - we can be used.

More as the month goes on...