Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pornography & the Cyberpath

(writing in dark blue is from EOPC)
It is well-known that pathologicals (psychopaths/ sociopaths, narcissists) frequently have an
addiction to porn. That goes for Cyberpaths as well. Many Cyberpaths hide their porn addiction and others reveal it little by little. If the relationship ever moves to real life, the victim often finds all sorts of hard core porn on her computer or in the computer's history.
The advent of net-porn has not only made it very easy for these people to feed their porn addiction, Online Dating has provided living breathing supply. All they have to do is find the vulnerable, empathetic, trusting and compassionate to lay their seduction and NLP on and they have what they really want; as one victim put it -- "a blow up doll with a pulse."The reality? A Cyberpath uses you, your online words and in some cases, even your body to masturbate with. The brutal truth is that a Cyberpath cannot 'make love' no matter how much they may try to tell you that!!And for those who can afford it, online sex-cams, cybersex chats and even booking prostitutes can all be done from the home or office computer providing a 24/7 supply of sexual deviance for these men.What does this constant diet of porn do for these Predators? Reinforces their already incurable, fixed, unchangeable view of other people:

Pornography communicates its own “truths” about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies.
* Lie # 1: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts.Some pornography shows only the body and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

* Lie #2:
Women are a “sport.” Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Or having sex with prostitutes is a "hobby"; the men are "hobbyists."Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

* Lie #3:
Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her.
Porn tells us that women can be bought.

Lie #4: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. In fact, if someone is attracted to a heavyset woman, porn labels that a fetish, which means a sexual obsession or hang-up that isn't "natural."Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

Lie #5: Women like rape. “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn eroticizes rape and makes it arousing. Women are shown being tied up, beaten, and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and finally begging for more. Even while being tortured, the porn actors and actresses have a smile on their face — a look of intense enjoyment.Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

Second, being pathological, everyone is an object for them to use, abuse, and throw away when things get inconvenient or they get bored (which is frequent.) Emotionally dead and unavailable (
no matter what they SAY their actions always prove otherwise):

Pornography itself is about the objectification of women. In this context women are treated as things, receptacles and socially dissociated objects to be used and tossed aside. They are, in a word, not real. In fact, most men who indulge themselves in pornography would be appalled - despite the immediate response -- if their wife or girlfriend walked into the bedroom wearing fishnets, stilettos and a latex corset and wanted to get nasty.

Why? -- Because pornography is about emotional disconnection, not emotional connection - it fills a gap in emotional maturity and never the twain shall meet - at least not inside a healthy head.
(but it will with a CYBERPATH who sees sex & orgasm as 'love & feeling'!)

... What better place to interact in a pseudo-emotional manner than with women who aren't real?


Porn encourages the pathological Cyberpath's values and lack of empathy for others as well:

Pornography incites to men to commit rape and sexual violence against women and children. (Absolutely, and cybersex can be seen as a form of sexual violence when with a Cyberpath)

...Marshall said that 86% of convicted rapists said they were regular users of pornography; and 57% admitted direct imitation of pornographic scenes when they committed rape. In short, pornography is a teaching manual for rapists or the sexually violent. It provides ...visual models to use in committing his crimes.
(Question for victims reading this: How many times were you been 'chatting' with your Cyberpath and they took a LONG time to answer you? Or seemed to be distracted? In most of those cases, these Cyberpaths are WATCHING PORN WHILE TALKING TO YOU. It takes longer to type with one hand; and its virtually impossible to do 2 things at once with one hand. The computer is a sex toy to them and you are merely part of that toy; no matter what they SAY - they DO different!)

...Many are sociopaths who use violence to punish women. It is a matter of having power over a person or inflicting pain upon them. There is no sexual satisfaction involved. Yet, pornography use is closely related to the propensity of a man to act out his sexual fantasies by raping a woman.

(EOPC would include 'emotional rape' in that)
Bill Perkins, writing in When Good Men Are Tempted, cites the work of therapist Patrick Carnes, a well-known expert on sexual addiction. Carnes says that there are four clear indicators that a person has become addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors.
  • One: The sexual behavior is done in secret and the person frequently lies to cover up his actions;
  • Two: The behavior can become abusive and exploitative of others;
  • Three: The behavior is used to deaden painful feelings;
  • Four: The behavior is empty of genuine commitment and caring. These are the warning signs that a person is addicted.
... The internet is playing a large role in creating new sexual addicts. According to Christian counselor Rob Jackson, he is seeing an increasing number of pastors who are secretly involved in pornography. We expect the numbers to rise unless parents, pastors, and Christian leaders do not take drastic actions to cut off exposure to pornography. The numbers tell the story, but they cannot give us the full impact of how these sex addicts are destroying their own lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction.

The Internet is only compounding the problem and creating a whole new generation of sex addicts and potential sexual predators. Charles Colson has called Internet pornography "Spiritual Crack Cocaine," and indeed it is. In 2000, Focus on the Family conducted a survey with the respected Zogby International polling firm on the Internet surfing habits of Americans. The survey results indicate that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex sites on the Internet. Of those surveyed, 31% of the men said they had visited sex sites. Focus also found that 17.8% of those who claim to be "born again" Christians and 18% of those who are married have visited sex sites.


What is healthy sexual behavior vs. addictive sexual behavior?
Healthy Sexual Behavior
  • Mutual consent (free will)
  • Behavior is a want or desire
  • Fulfilling, enhancing, mood stabilizing
  • Personal interchange of emotion
  • Rare negative consequences
  • Enhanced self-worth
  • Sexual behavior is fulfilling, satiating
  • Balanced sexual behavior

Addictive Sexual Behavior

  • Coercion, victimization, and force by the addict
  • Behavior is a compulsion for instant gratification
  • Associated with severe mood shifts
  • Impersonal and emotional detachment
  • Negative consequences
  • Negative self-worth, shame, guilt
  • Lack of satiation, tolerance
  • Erratic sexual behaviors (excessive vs. anorexic)
Coleman-Kennedy, C. & Pendley, A. (2002). Assessment and diagnosis of sexual addiction. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 8(5), 143–151.
Cyberpathy CLEARLY falls into the second category with one word: COERCION.

Do not EVER let a Cyberpath convince you that you:

  • wanted it/ asked for it
  • you consented in any way
  • you knew it was a "game"
  • played the "game" with them
  • knew what 'the deal' was up front
  • its just us; no one will ever know
  • you are an addict, too
  • you enjoyed it
  • they've 'never done this before, either'
  • your needs were 'met too'
  • it's safer than the real thing

(we took some of the above lines directly from our Exposed Cyberpaths as reported by their victims!)

Our all time winner of the paramoralizing line from a Cyberpath regarding his coaxing one of his victims into cybering with him: "we have been more intimate online than we ever could be in real life." (Now readers, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?)

Frankly, the Cyberpath who coerces a vulnerable person into Cybersex is a Cyber-John "paying" for the sexual thrill with false promises and outright lies; while using you like an online prostitute (but not TELLING or BEING HONEST WITH YOU about that) including:

  • "I LOVE YOU"
  • we are soul mates/ twin souls
  • we were meant to be
  • I am nothing without you
  • I want to be with you so badly
  • I think about you all the time
  • I have waited all my life for someone like you
  • you are the only one I love
  • you're the reason I use porn; you make me feel this way!
  • [100s more guilt-dumping lines...]

Why do many Cyberpaths start relationships with women that they have NO INTENTION of meeting or even being a true friend to? Such as women 1000s of miles away, in other countries, etc.? (Yes, we know they
SAY the opposite)

The answer may be in excerpts from this article, WHY DO JOHNS BUY SEX?

why do large numbers of men prefer to buy it? Clare Spurrell sets out in search of the answer for the The Times (11/7/06):

It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter -- be it a one-night-stand or in a relationship -- cannot...

Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that
lack of any emotional obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex...
...When a man visits a prostitute, the mere act of handing over cash for services removes, in his mind, all emotional obligations to her.
“Money displaces the emotions. It frees you from that bond, that responsibility,” explains Sam. “The distance you get from exchanging cash for sex means that afterwards you don’t contemplate the impact on the prostitute.”

Most prostitutes are women far removed from his normal life -- she is not in his clique, he will never see her again, maybe she doesn’t come from the same culture as him or even speak the same language. The BMJ study revealed that this is why in the past five years most men who paid for sex were more likely to do so when they were abroad...

...Men often used prostitutes in their lunch hour...

And almost a quarter thought that
once they had paid for sex, they had free rein...


Some Cyberpaths who do travel to meet their targets for real sex and 'relationships' do it for the same reason. Out of sight, out of mind.

Those who do meet and move in with the women often blow through their money and keep them off-kilter with marathon sex while still using online porn and setting up 'casual sex' dates or putting profiles on Online Dating saying they are single to feed the sex addiction.

Online, you are just words on a screen. In real life, the sociopathic relationship parameters take over and you are still something to be used and tossed when the Cyberpath is done.
Obtaining intimate pictures may be used for blackmail against you when you find out their real agenda. Cybersex on webcam could be taped without your knowledge by the Cyberpath, again for blackmail and shaming you into silence about them. In their minds, part of your "payment" for participating!

Yes, PORN is a huge component in the psyche of these Cyberpaths: Pathologicals at the Keyboard. Porn feeds their view of others as objects for them to use. It's who they are and they can't be fixed with "love" or "religion."

Victims need to realize there is nothing they did or can do to help the sex-addict Cyberpath. Victims need to help themselves by blocking these guys, once they find out and staying OFF ALL Online Dating sites.

victims also state that once the Cyberpath is gone or has dumped them they have "sexual hyperarousal" issues. This is a LARGE component of PTSD and is most common in rape or sexual abuse victims. The same hormones that promote 'bondness' during sex are often released for NORMAL PERSONS during cybersex. In fact, Cyberpaths count on it! Having this symptom alone should tell the victims that:

  • it's NOT their fault
  • they did nothing wrong, nor did they encourage or ask for it
  • they are not "sick" (other than having PTSD) -- this is a huge red flag that seduction & covert mind control was used on them
  • they are VERY MUCH victims of sexual violence


A Good Article: He's Addicted to Net Porn

SOME OF OUR EXPOSED PREDATORS WHO WERE SEX and/or PORN ADDICTED (clicking on their name will take you to all the links to the stories of their victims):

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Accurate undercurrents conveyed and important article to give to others. Hindsight is 20/20......major red flag with your exposed cyberpath was the change in his outgoing phone message "I'm in THE room shooting"........all about empty lies and ejaculation all while stabbing in the back multiple colleagues