Virtual State of Affairs

A better way to cheat: One kiss leads to the next and she finds herself at the Hilton

By Sandy Lawrence Edry

On a chilly morning, Robin rushes to get ready for work as usual, though today she reminds herself not to put on pantyhose -- she has never figured out a way to remove them "sexily." Then she kisses her husband goodbye, drives her 15-month-old daughter to daycare, and heads to her secretarial job in suburban Philadelphia.

BUT WHEN SHE GETS TO HER OFFICE, she ignores the papers piled on her desk and clicks the icon on her computer screen to launch America Online, which connects her to another, secret life. She sees on her buddy list that today's breakfast date has already signed on, and they confirm their rendezvous point: a deli near the airport. It's safe because it's public -- the man is a stranger, after all, despite their 4-week cyber-relationship -- and because it's decidedly unromantic. No one would suspect her real reasons for being there.

Cloaked behind the anonymity of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as- sport.

An hour or so after making an excuse for leaving work (something about her daughter feeling ill), she sits at a table in the back of the deli, preparing for the last step in what she jokingly refers to as her "interviewing" process. Today's applicant, a 31-year-old married commodities broker, has already passed two crucial tests: His opening message didn't start with, "Hey baby, what are you wearing?" and the first time they "cybersexed," the words he typed exhibited both sensuality and attentiveness.

When he walks through the door, Robin is relieved. He matches the description he e-mailed earlier: about 5-foot-8, nicely built with dark hair and eyes, a goatee and an olive complexion. He does not appear disappointed with the way Robin looks, either: five feet tall and 36 years old with short, curly brown hair and a body she describes as "a little chubby." Online, she usually tells men her measurements right away: 38D-29-40.

After a hastily eaten meal, Robin and her new friend return to her car, where a momentary silence precedes an awkward first kiss. One kiss leads to the next and soon she finds herself driving to the airport Hilton. At the end of an afternoon she later describes as "OK," she checks her makeup in the dashboard mirror before returning home, expecting to feel some guilt. After all, this is her first affair since she got married, five years ago.

Instead, she says several weeks later, "I now understand what men usually say. I believe now that it can be only about sex. I went home that night, kissed my husband and said, 'Hi, how are you.'" As if nothing had happened.

CLOAKED BEHIND THE ANONYMITY of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as-sport. With a computer, a modem and a subscription to an Internet service provider such as AOL, she can meet someone new from the comfort of her own home while her unknowing husband watches television in the next room.

Even if they never cross the virtual boundary -- as many never do -- cyber-affairs can ruin a marriage. "People are more hurt by emotional intimacy because it undermines the very fabric of the marriage," says Dr. Lana Staheli, a Seattle-based counsellor and author of Affair-Proof Your Marriage. "It takes away from the partner."

Cybersex is not the only Internet diversion on offer. Increasingly, flirtations are moving from anonymous chat rooms to real-world hotel rooms, though it's unclear just how many Internet affairs move offline. After all, it has proven nearly impossible to determine the number of low-tech affairs; some studies report that 60% of married Americans have committed adultery, while others put the number as low as 15%.

What is known is that Internet affairs have been blamed for divorces in many American states and almost all provinces. "I suppose at any one time, we might have six to 10 cases where relationships have formed that way," says Malcolm Kronby, counsel for the Toronto family law boutique, Epstein Cole. "We've got one going now where the relationship formed between a woman in Toronto and a man in the U.S. Midwest who met in a chat room."

Dr. Ann Evans, president of the British Columbia section of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, says the issue has also become a serious topic of discussion at therapist conferences, including her organization's most recent convention in Denver, Colo. "At first, people were making jokes about it, but that stage has passed," she says. "We are all aware that this has become a serious thing."

The best place to gauge the extent of online affairs is, of course, online. To be more specific, in AOL's chat rooms, where the Internet service provider's 25 million members spend more than 56 million hours each month. There are other chat services, such as those on Yahoo! and MSN, but AOL's chat rooms, which have evolved to an unparalleled level of specificity and ease-of-use, are the top choice for most would-be U.S. adulterers.

Getting to them is as easy as clicking the People Connection icon at the bottom of the main AOL screen, which leads both to thematically grouped rooms created by the ISP's staff -- the Town Square has pleasantly titled rooms such as Sunday Brunch and The Breakfast Club -- and more than 300 bizarro rooms created by members themselves.

The member-chat Romance category houses the heaviest concentration of rooms catering to married people, from Michigan Affairs to Married Buxom BBW Babes. (BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman, the politically correct term for "large sized".)

At 9:30 on a typical Saturday night, more than 800 people are logged into 44 member-created chat rooms with something about married or affairs in the titles. Many rooms, like SoCalAffairs4Real, are filled to their capacity of 23 people (a limit imposed by AOL to minimize confusing crosstalk). Here the lonely, the curious and the just plain horny gather.

It is a favourite hangout of Bigredmg, a recent law school graduate and husband of 15 years who estimates that he has slept with about 20 AOL women from the Southern California area -- hence the "SoCal" in the room's name. "Fat women mostly," he says. To accomplish this feat, Bigredmg stays online five to eight hours a day. "I am trying to find the passion that I lost," he says, adding that his wife is a "good woman and I love her, but there is no fire."

Nell also spends several hours a day in front of her computer screen, mostly in NJOver30. A housewife from New Jersey, she has had two affairs with other AOL members since joining in 1996. Married to a man who, she says, "abused me physically a few times, and mentally, every day of my life," Nell is looking for a way out.

"I was the perfect wife for 15 years," she adds. "I gave up."

Life for the would-be Canadian adulterer is not quite as easy, since the AOL Canada section of the chat rooms is not nearly as well populated or geographically targeted. Still, on almost any night a steady stream of men and women with screen names like CharmedCdn float through rooms such as Married M 4 F (Married Male for Female) and Married not Dead.

But perhaps the best virtual locales for the affair-minded on this side of the border are Yahoo! clubs, which are easily reached through Sympatico, Rogers, Shaw or any other ISP. The clubs are message-board/chat-room hybrids where members post requests for affairs -- and sometimes even their own photos. Type "Married" and "Canada" into the club search engine, and 26 entries appear, ranging from Alberta sex on the side affairs (247 members) to Club marriedandlooking in ONT (838 members). Members seem every bit as forward as their American counterparts: On Nov. 29, for example, Twinklineyes00 announced to the ONT club that she was "Looking for a teddy bear type, big and hairy ... ;) to play with in the GTA area. Drop me a line if a bear out there wants to play!!"

IN THE AOL FIRMAMENT, the NNJ Married Affairs chat room has a unique place: The group's activities are not exclusively online. Every Friday night for more than three years, about 20 to 30 married men and women find an excuse to get out of the house and head to a Holiday Inn hotel bar called Ozzie's, in Wayne, N.J.

Ozzie's looks exactly as you'd expect: a dark space with a long, faux marble bar that occupies half the room. On a Friday night, club-goers shimmy and shake on a small dance floor to a mix of Top-40 and disco hits. By 8:30 p.m., about 25 AOLers, mostly in their 30s and 40s, have arrived. Some are still wearing their wedding rings; others have removed them for the evening. The regulars kiss each other hello while the newcomers cautiously ask everybody for their screen names.

Harriet, a regular attendee in her 40s who bears enough of a resemblance to Linda Tripp that the bartender gives her a free drink, refuses to disclose who has had affairs with whom. "There is a code between most of the regulars and we guard one another's privacy."

Robin has visited the room but not Ozzie's itself. Tonight, she is on AOL, where she's checking out MarriedWantsAffair but has to wait -- it is that crowded. When she finally manages to squeeze into the room, five women are holding court, discussing everything from lingerie to hair color. One asks the assembled men: "What do you think makes a woman sexy?" The men's responses range from "intelligence and passion" to "legs ... and a nice butt."

Robin prefers the one-on-one instant message-style of chat also available on AOL. But to let the men in the room know she's available for a sidebar, she must first announce her presence: "36F from Philadelphia," she types, followed by "Any PA/NJ/NY/DE men here?" She has just declared open season -- a woman who wants to chat trumps group discussions about lingerie every time. Within seconds, small IM windows pop up all over her screen.

None of the applicants make the cut. Some live too far away. Some are not her type. And one man makes the mistake of being too forward, too fast. After the customary chit-chat -- age, location and marital status -- he asks for Robin's description. When she includes her measurements as usual, he responds: "Hmmmmm ... god how I love a short woman ... with big" --Bzzzzzzzzz! Strike one.

He then asks her to describe what she's wearing. (Translation: "I hope you're naked.") Strike two. When he starts providing details on the way he likes to masturbate, Robin has had enough. She has become adept at spotting the ones who are only looking for cybersex. After all, for the first few months she was online, that was all she wanted, too.

Robin joined America Online in February, 1998, when a co-worker showed her how to use the site to conduct research for their boss, then detoured into one of the married chat rooms. "I was petrified," Robin says. "I was thinking, 'who are all these people out there?' and, 'can they see me?'"

But that weekend, while her husband was away on business, she took the office laptop home and had cybersex for the first time. "I thought it was so stimulating," she says. "I loved it." Over the next few weeks she began spending a few hours a day in the rooms. "I felt like a kid in the candy shop," she says.

The idea of actually meeting someone never even crossed her mind. At first. But her husband had always had a low sex drive -- even lower after the baby's birth -- and she began to feel that he "didn't want me, like maybe I wasn't attractive." She asked him to go to couples therapy but he refused. In the end, she was left with many evenings to explore her sexual needs online. And she was soon able to convince herself that she deserved a chance to meet some of the men she was chatting with so regularly.

ABOVE ALL, AMERICA ONLINE, YAHOO! and other chat areas provides instantaneous, round-the-clock access to massive numbers of people who self-select into easily recognizable groups. In these communities, whether the focus is gardening or sado-masochism, the possibility of meeting an affair partner increases exponentially. "There is already a basis of commonality," says Storm King, a Massachusetts doctoral candidate in psychology who has written extensively about Internet culture.

A different set of social norms undergirds these subcultures. Talking to strangers is encouraged; anonymity makes people less inhibited and more inclined to display secret sides of themselves. "Women clients say that men are so much more expressive about their feelings [online] and men say women are so much more adventurous and fun," says Dr. Staheli.

There's strength in numbers, too. "Certainly you wouldn't go to a neighbour and say, 'Oh gosh, I'm having an affair, how about you?'" says Dr. Debbie Layton-Tholl, a Del Ray Beach, Fla., psychologist who is conducting research into extramarital affairs. "But now you can go online and, literally, there is an unlimited number of people who will support you in what you are doing. So it becomes easier -- the guilt becomes lessened."

The human imagination also plays a significant role in helping online romances to flourish. "Your mind projects," says King, "and what you project depends a lot on what you want to see."

Robin, however, is no longer satisfied with her imagination. She also wants to see "the attention, the affirmation, the wanting to please and be pleased," in her partner's eyes. In the two and a half years since her first affair, she believes she has seen these things in the eyes of more than a dozen strangers with whom she has had intercourse or oral sex. Getting fired for downloading explicit pictures at work and the birth of a second child only slowed her down temporarily -- her most recent affair was less than a month ago. These encounters make her feel "sexy, wanted and needed."

Raised in a strict Roman Catholic home, she can't imagine getting a divorce. Besides, she says, her husband is "a good man, a good father, a good companion. Just one aspect isn't there."

"I can't see myself doing this forever," she says. But then she adds, "Do I see it continuing? Yes. I'm having fun."

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

(READERS - do YOU think this behavior is acceptable? We'd love your comments. - EOPC)

"I GO ONLINE TO DESTROY YOU"

By Crystal Chan

UPSET that he was spurned by a married lecturer after a brief torrid affair, a tertiary student turned to the Internet to smear her reputation.

The year-long liaison, which took place more than 10 years ago, ended when the lecturer's husband learned about it.

Unlike the recent case when a 32-year-old teacher was jailed 10 months for having sex with an underage student, the lecturer did not break any law as her lover was not underage.

But the fallout was almost as devastating, resulting in two court actions over the years.

To try to salvage her marriage, the lecturer ended the affair.

But her husband still filed for divorce, citing adultery and naming the student as a co-respondent in the divorce papers.

The student's bitterness over the end of the affair was such that years later, he continued taking his revenge on her.

The student, who graduated here around 1996, felt that she had used him and then dumped him, alleging that she even filed a police report against him for harassment.

In one online forum posting, he wrote that many male students were attracted to the lecturer because of her striking looks. He claimed she was unhappy in her marriage and that they had sex in various places at the institution as well as her home. Sources [say]that the affair turned sour after it was uncovered by private investigators hired by the lecturer's husband. She ended the affair to try to save her marriage, but it was all in vain.

Then, as a fallout of the Internet smearing, the institution learned of the affair and asked the lecturer to leave three years ago. The institution also went all the way to the High Court to seek an injunction to prohibit the student from talking about the affair.

Lawyer Nicholas Cheong, who is not involved in the case, said the Internet postings probably affected the reputation of the institution and it had to do damage control.

He said: 'The institution has a name to protect, especially when it's known for certain courses. The last thing it would want is for people to remember it as a place where a lecturer had an affair with a student.

'Nothing sticks like bad news so the institution had to protect its image. Going to court was the only option as it no longer had the right to discipline the student.

'The institution didn't do anything wrong and the court probably agreed that its image shouldn't be tarnished. Otherwise, the injunction wouldn't be granted as everyone is entitled to freedom of expression.'

The student had gone as far as to post the lecturer's personal details and the serial number of her divorce proceedings in online forums and encouraged netizens to contact her. It also seemed that he had been watching the lecturer's movements, as he posted details of where she parked her car on campus and even the time she got home. He found out where the lecturer is now working and posted this information on the Internet too.

The student invited netizens to e-mail him if they wanted 'hard-copy evidence' of his affair, including documents related to her divorce.

Some netizens asked for the lecturer's photo, which the student offered to e-mail to individual requesters.

However, other netizens criticized the student for his vindictive actions.

(EOPC notes there is a difference between exposing a predator and revenge. We do not encourage or approve of the latter. Don't be confused when Cyberpaths use a story such as this to try to further smear their victims. Not the same thing at all!

Many of our cyberpaths say their victims are merely 'spurned' or 'scorned' but there is NO COMPARISON between an affair ending - as in this story - and the PREDATORY TACTICS of a Cyberpath and their terrorization of their victims for telling the truth.)

Mr Cheong said the lecturer could report the student to the police for harassment as he had posted her personal details on the Internet and urged others to question her about the liaison. He added that if the student continues to talk about the affair, he could be charged with contempt of court, which could result in a jail term and a fine.

The lecturer now teaches at another institution under a different name.

EXCERPTED FROM THIS ARTICLE

Examples of our Cyberpaths being vindictive after their exposure:

ONE

TWO


If you have your own example of your Cyberpath, Harasser or Predator being vindictive to you after you discovered the truth - please write us with your example.

Almost ALL of our exposed Cyberpaths have threated EOPC and their victims but stop when they realize a court case involving the victims would reveal the truth about their predatory actions and the veracity of the exposure.

"CUCKOLD CASE" - Testing the Limits of the Internet

A plumber who used the internet to highlight his wife's affair with a director of one of the world's largest financial companies will appear in court on harassment charges. Lawyers believe the case could help define the limits of free expression on the internet.

Ian Puddick, 41, from east London, was incensed after learning that his wife had conducted a 10-year relationship with her boss, a director of Guy Carpenter, a reinsurance company that advises clients on risk management.

Puddick set up a series of websites, a Twitter account and a blog to draw attention to the affair, alleging that the director, who he named, was pursuing an affair with his wife on the company's time and expenses – a claim rejected by Guy Carpenter. The company maintains Puddick's actions forced the director to leave his position due to stress.

Puddick's legal team are expected to use the three-day hearing at Westminster magistrates court to examine the actions of the City of London police, which dispatched its serious crime unit to raid his home and office in search of evidence.

Puddick's legal team is seeking to summon a number of Guy Carpenter's executives to appear at his trial, a move that promises unwanted publicity for a company that likes to keep a relatively low profile. Internal Guy Carpenter emails obtained by Puddick's legal team and seen by the Observer show that the firm employed a subsidiary – Kroll, a global private investigation agency used by many blue chip companies – in its quest to establish that Puddick was waging a harassment campaign.

Kroll briefed Guy Carpenter executives that the police had "offered significant assistance" in dealing with Puddick, whom it believed might be "dangerously unstable". One Kroll director emailed several Guy Carpenter executives on 23 July 2009, following a meeting with City police. "They … warn that the penalties for harassment are not very severe, unless you reoffend, and that the prosecution will be out of our control once the police and the Criminal Prosecution Service agree there is a case to answer. We should remember Puddick may relish the prospect of a day in court."

The email continues: "The civil route has the advantage of us being able to cease the prosecution at any stage, and tougher penalties. However, if the police take this on we can avoid being seen to have any role in prosecuting Puddick, which also has advantages. One way to combine the two may be to talk to Puddick post arrest, and warn him of our options in the civil courts to stop him reoffending."

The case is likely to be watched closely by legal and media experts as the battle to regulate what is disseminated over the internet is waged in the courts. Recent cases involving new media and super-injunctions have also raised questions on whether regulating the net inhibits freedom of speech.

Michael Wolkind QC, representing Puddick, said his client intended to defend his actions. "This case is about Mr Puddick's right to express his feelings about another person's immorality. Ian Puddick dared to speak out about his wife's affair and it has cost the public £1m for the extraordinary investigation carried out by an unusually enthusiastic police alongside an elite security firm."

Puddick's legal team say his home has been burgled and files were stolen as well as some valuables. However, following a police investigation, there is nothing to suggest that Guy Carpenter or Kroll were involved in any illegal activity.

Puddick is now reconciled with his wife.

• This article was amended on 12 June 2011


original article here
As seen in the U.S.A.'s First Amendment decision on the Westboro Church ruling, Puddick would be covered by Free Speech in America. As long as one makes NO threats AND publishes NO personal information such as phone, address, city, children, spouse, jobs etc... they are covered in the U.S.A. by the First Amendment.

Virtual Relationships and Online Betrayals

Do you tell total strangers your most intimate secrets and desires? Do you share details about yourself that you wouldn't even tell your spouse when you know nothing about the person you are telling those details to? Would you have phone sex with someone whose number was carved on the wall of a subway restroom?

You might ask "who would do things?" and wonder how I could ask such silly questions. But, if you've ever entered into an online relationship, you may have done all of that and more.

The virtual world can be a very dangerous place. It is the only place I know that anyone, anywhere, can be anyone they want to be. Who's to know if "Mr Perfect" is a truly sensitive guy or if he's on death row and having fun with trusting strangers?

SET UP FOR ONLINE BETRAYALS

Betrayal is devastating when it happens in real life, when our husband or wife does the unthinkable. Regaining trust after a spouse betrays us can take years, if ever. And, yet, we think nothing of trusting someone we "meet" online, exposing our deepest secrets, and becoming emotionally involved even before we've met them in real life.

In real life, we're able to put a face and personality together, and, while we certainly don't know everything we may need to know to form a friendship or relationship, we have quite a bit. In a first meeting we can tell whether or not there's a "spark" that might grow to a flame or more.

In the virtual world, we use our imagination to "flesh out" the other person, giving him or her all the characteristics that we "need" him or her to have.

A skillful manipulator is able to use just the right words to draw us into an emotional and/or sexual relationship, all without stepping away from his or her computer.

Photo exchanges are no guarantee of who you're sending email to, IMing or chatting with. It's very easy for someone to "lift" a photo of another person from any number of sources online and pass it off as their own.

Not every online encounter is going to be dangerous or deceptive but do you know which ones are honest and which aren't? When you're in a support group sharing details of your marriage, don't assume that everyone in the group is there for the same reason.

THE POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD

Do you have an online friend with whom you feel comfortable talking about everything including very intimate personal issues even though you've never met in real life? Do you feel that honesty is an integral part of this relationship? Do you feel that this person may be or is your soul mate?

Here's how one woman described an online relationship:

"We talked about everything and he was so honest about how he felt and he offered me the support none of my family -- and certainly not my husband -- had ever offered. He didn't push for anything more than what I was willing to give; he was the ultimate gentleman. He even said he understood when I told him I was emailing other men, and he didn't object. He said there was no rush, that he'd take a cue from my needs. There was no pressure like the other guys I'd met in chat.

I was emotionally hooked by the time we arranged a meeting and I really thought it went well, no awkward pauses, and we seemed to 'click' in a physical way although I didn't go back to his room with him.

He was only in town for one day and when we parted he said he missed me already and promised to call as soon as he got home.

I expected to get an email the next day but there was nothing and he wasn't in chat and he didn't log onto IM. I waited until the second day to send an email which he never responded to. By the end of a week I felt emotionally raw. I've never heard from him again. What did I do wrong?"

She, as so many others before her, trusted the written words of a virtual stranger. With those words, she created a "real" person, one who filled all of her needs. She "fleshed out" his words to create her soul mate.

Never underestimate the power of the imagination. When he says he has dark hair, you imagine he looks like your favorite movie star. You give him a sexy voice, a beautiful smile, a winning personality. He becomes the perfect man, the man with all the right words at all the right times.

He becomes the one person who can brighten your day just by emailing "Hello, beautiful!" or IMing a smile. He's the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning, the last person you think of as you fall asleep at night. He fills in the emotional blanks within your life.

The two of you grow closer. You become dependent upon him and distance yourself from your real life relationships.

Would he be as wonderful, as comforting, as perfect, in real life? We'll never know how many women have pushed for an off-line meeting only to have their cyber soul mate disappear forever. Other women meet their dream man to find that he isn't single or separated but married and looking only for a lover. Words are easy, reality isn't.

ASSUME ONE PERSON IS A PREDATOR

In the virtual world, assume that at least one person in a chat room or a forum is a predator and act accordingly:

Don't post personal details in an open forum; don't assume that a private forum is any safer. On the Internet, there is no 100% safe place.

Don't email personal details to strangers no matter how understanding and solicitous they may appear.

Don't give out personal details when you're using chat or Instant Message programs even if the other person gives these details to you. They may have given you false information in an attempt to build up your trust.

Even if you feel you can trust the person you've been chatting or emailing, don't give out your address, phone number, or last name. With internet searches, someone with even one personal detail can probably find out where you live and more.

If you're planning to meet someone you've met online, make your first meeting in a fairly busy public place and take a friend along.

Be SURE to take someone with you, at least give them details of who you're meeting, where you're meeting, and when you'll be back to work or home.

No matter how the sparks fly at that first meeting, don't invite him or her back to your place.

No matter how comfortable you feel at that first meeting, don't take a drive with them or let them drop you off at your house.

Trust your "gut." There is no need to force yourself to like someone. That's exactly the point of meeting face-to-face: to see if the "bond" you feel for this person is real or illusion.

Have you been betrayed by your spouse? Have you come to the Web for comfort and support? Have you trusted in virtual friends and been hurt when they've betrayed you? After being betrayed in real life, why would you think a virtual relationship would be any safer from betrayal? Behind that keyboard, all those many miles away, is a real person, not a perfect person.

Remember Ted Bundy? He was a real charmer. I'm not implying that your online friend is another Ted Bundy but until you are absolutely certain he or she isn't, play it smart and safe.

The SEXUAL ADDICTION Affair

(note: Many CYBERPATHS are sex addicts who use the internet to hide their real purposes behind pretty words and promises. "I love you" seems to be their way into your bed. It is cheaper than a hooker or more fun to twist someone's emotions and then dump them because you view everyone as an OBJECT. Many of these Cyberpaths are narcissistic psychopaths who are emotionally vacant & immature to the point that many keep reliving the shallow come ons of their 'teen years' and 'being on the make' to prove their prowess and provide themselves with stimulation.)

Dr. Hare describes people he calls psychopaths as "intraspecies predators who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and [threats] to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs."

(SEE ALSO: "Don Juan as Psychopath")

Here is an article on this sort of "affair" - real or cyber - EOPC)

By: Dr. Robert Huizenga

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."

People can't say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are stuck and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the no. Please remember that all of us are grabbed by something and then find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity (or Cyberpathy) is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (internet porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, online affairs, email lists full of 'contacts', profiles full of fake information or membership on sites catering to dating, prostitutes and/ or those who frequent them, membership on sites for sexual liaisons, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of being found out, the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/ failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an acting out episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, I won't do it again. This will last... until the urge is acted upon again. The spouse/partner may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not right) of the roller coaster and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality sometimes confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to work that through in a marriage or extramarital affairs.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their addiction. They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a dual life. (Or be a Pathological Predator, such as a Cyberpath)

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love (even someone you know online), get some help for yourself before your world disintegrates further or falls apart.
------

There are many things in our culture that grab us and won't let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that's the case for you or your spouse/partner.

These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at the place of sex in your life.

1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with the wrong people?

2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?

3) Have I lost count of the number of sexual partners I've had in the past 3 years?

4) Do I have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, oral or genital STDS, etc.)? (condoms don't protect against everything. Viruses can be transmitted and live on the skin, in the mouth and so on for months and be transmitted to the spouse/ partner -- no matter how clean you think you are)

5) Do I feel uncomfortable about my masturbation, the fantasies I engage in, the props I use, and/or the places in which I do it?

6) Do I feel jaded, exhausted, cynical? Am I on the path to that?

7) Do I feel that my life is unmanageable because of my sexual behavior?

8) Do I have sex as a way to deal with or escape from life's problems? Do I feel entitled to sex? Do I feel as though I have earned sex?

9) Do I have a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity on my part?

10) Do I feel that my sexual life affects my spiritual life in a negative way?

Married Con Man Uses PlentyofFish for Affair

By Patricia Kane

(U.K.) As Victoria Fraenzel logged on to the internet dating site for the first time, she was uncertain what response she would receive to her request for a man who would offer her ‘truth and honesty’. Yet within hours of keying her details into the popular website Plenty Of Fish, the 35-year-old was not disappointed with the response.

Darren Upton, a wealthy accountant in his late 30s, quickly got in touch and within days had charmed his way into her life and, soon after, her bed. They had an 18-month affair as he lavished expensive gifts on her, including a £3,000 Cartier watch, designer dresses by film-star favourite Amanda Wakeley and a Mercedes sports car.

Last week, however, Upton was finally exposed as a conman and jailed for six years for stealing hundreds of thousands of pounds from his clients so he could live a life of luxury.

Today Victoria tells how she foolishly fell for Upton’s lies, of the lifestyle they both enjoyed during their fling and her feelings of betrayal at discovering he was not single, as he had claimed, but married. His wife even had a daughter by him during their affair.

Victoria also reveals her shock at the extent of his fraud and of her anger at being labelled ‘greedy’ as the main beneficiary of his embezzled funds. She said: ‘I’ve been made out to be a terrible hussy who had thousands of pounds lavished on her by a married man. But I am not that sort of person. I’m not grasping or greedy. I didn’t ask him for anything. I just wanted to be with him. It was never about the money or the sex.’

Close to tears, she added: ‘After a series of bad relationships, I just wanted someone who wanted to give me a hug and love me. Darren appeared to be that man. I had finally found someone who seemed to genuinely care about me and made me feel special. He was kind and caring. That’s all I wanted – but it was all a lie.’

In total, the accountant cheated 33 clients by not passing to the taxman £500,000 they had paid him. On Thursday, at Leeds Crown Court, he admitted 15 fraud offences between January 2010 and June last year. He also asked for 23 similar offences to be taken into consideration.

Passing sentence, Judge Sally Cahill QC said the crimes were committed for ‘pure selfish greed’. She told him: ‘You were thoroughly dishonest and motivated by greed. This was a gross breach of trust, it was planned from the offset and fraudulent from the offset. I consider this to be professional offending at a high level.’

For Victoria, now 36, the last eight months since discovering the truth have been filled with remorse and self-reproach at being duped so easily. She thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with Upton, with plans to ‘retire’ to the Bahamas in October, where he claimed to have a beachside property.

‘He told me we would get married and we would be happy there together,’ said Victoria. ‘I had no idea he already had a wife and a daughter who had been born during our relationship. I was shocked beyond words when I finally discovered the truth. I’m still struggling to take in the extent of his lies. Nothing in his behaviour ever made me suspicious. I feel very stupid now but I believed everything he said.’

This was not Victoria’s first ‘bad experience’ with men. One of her former partners was Bryan Garvey – who had shared an £18.5 million National Lottery jackpot with four other winners before she met him. ‘My relationship with Bryan ended acrimoniously and it took nearly four years before I thought of looking for someone else,’ she said.

‘Once bitten, twice shy, so it was a really big decision for me to start dating again, and I thought an internet site might help me find someone more compatible. It was my first time on the site and on my posting, I remember saying I was looking for “truth, honesty… a real person”.

‘I cringe now looking back because hindsight is a wonderful thing. Darren got in touch within hours and after a couple of days of online chat, we agreed to meet in a pub in Preston. I remember him sending me a photograph at one point and I saw a wedding ring on his finger. When I said, “That looks like you’re married,” he replied that he’d been engaged but it was now over.’

Meeting him for the first time, however, was a shock for 6ft Victoria – who was a model in her teenage years. She explained: ‘I’m not unattractive and I’m used to dating good-looking men, so it was a bit of a shock to meet Darren in the flesh. My first impression was that he was ugly but his banter and charm made me see him in a different light and in the end I agreed to meet him again.’

They met a few days later, again in Preston, and this time, keen to impress, he picked her up in his Bentley with personalised number plates DJU. The court would hear that Upton had also already bought his wife, Tina, a Maserati. He had also splashed out on a £10,000 box at Leeds United Football Club and even spent £3,000 on a model railway.

Within a few dates, Upton would whisk Victoria off to his £500,000 penthouse flat in an upmarket area of Leeds, overlooking the River Aire and the city skyline. Exquisitely decorated with white leather sofas and state-of-the-art home-entertainment equipment, including a large plasma TV, Upton told her he lived there alone.

As the relationship became more intimate, Upton’s gifts became more lavish. He bought her a Cartier watch, as well as diamond earrings, and several thousands of pounds worth of designer clothes and accessories from Harvey Nichols, including a number of Mulberry handbags. In one shopping spree alone, he blew more than £2,000 on two dresses by Amanda Wakeley – a favourite of Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson and Kate Winslet.

From October 2010, he also began paying £800-a-month rent on another apartment in Salford, Greater Manchester, where Victoria would sometimes stay with him when she was not at her own home in nearby Altrincham. He gave her a bank card with a £500 limit to buy anything for the flat.

The couple ate at the best restaurants in Manchester, such as San Carlo and Rosso, favourites of Premier League footballers. They had been dating for about six months when a smitten Upton bought Victoria a black Mercedes sports car.

She said: ‘He had been talking about it for some time. I was gobsmacked at his generosity but if he said he would get me something, he always did. He had the car delivered to my home. I just jumped into the car in excitement and went for a drive. Now I know he was a conman but at that time I loved him more than ever.’ For Victoria it was not an entirely new lifestyle, having grown up with indulgent, wealthy parents on a sprawling farm near Blackburn.

At an early age, she had learned to ride horses and was a competitive showjumper before turning her back on the sport in her teens. When her father committed suicide eight years ago, he left Victoria independently wealthy and with no need to rely on Upton’s generosity. She said: ‘It really angers me that people might think I was desperate for him to spend all this money on me and that I was in the relationship to gain financially. I didn’t need him to buy me any of those things. It was nice, of course, and he wanted to do it. But if I’d known it was all paid for with stolen money, I would never have touched him or his gifts.’

As her relationship with Upton deepened, he began to be more careless, even taking her along to his offices – while his wife was off work nursing their baby daughter – for sex sessions during working hours.

She recalled: ‘The staff all knew who I was yet they never said a word to his wife. We had sex pretty much everywhere in his office: on the desk, on the floor, anywhere we could make it exciting. I was so happy to be with someone who was so caring and considerate. He never mentioned a wife and certainly not his new baby daughter. One of the memories that turns my stomach now is when we were out one night at dinner and he produced some photographs of a baby girl. He told me she was his new niece – but in fact it was his own daughter, who was just a few months old. Later he sent more photographs of her to my phone. That makes me really angry now to think that he would deny his own daughter as well as betraying his wife.’

Victoria would remain in ignorance until June last year when, unable to get through to Upton on his mobile phone one day, she rang his office.

‘I asked if Darren was there and a secretary said, “I’ll let you speak to his wife” and transferred the call. I felt numb with shock. Tina Upton [who was also the company secretary] answered and told me Darren was being questioned by police over financial irregularities. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not only was I having to take in that he had a wife I hadn’t known anything about, but he was in some sort of financial trouble. Then, without asking me outright if I was Darren’s mistress, Tina suddenly said that she’d suspected her husband was having an affair for some time but “had not pursued it”.

‘I felt distraught and hung up. Soon afterwards, I got a visit from police at the apartment in Manchester. They confirmed what I now knew – that Darren was married and had committed fraud. My Mercedes was taken away and the apartment lease terminated. It was a nightmare of unimaginable proportions and the man I had thought better than all the others who had gone before, turned out to be the biggest b*****d of the lot. How could he do this to a woman who had just given birth to his child? I would never have started seeing him if I had known the truth. It’s despicable.’

‘I felt very foolish. How could I have been so hoodwinked? Life had come crashing down and I found out this wonderful man who had made me feel so complete was already married with a child and had cheated those poor people out of hundreds of thousands of pounds. It was horrendous. Not only did I feel sorry for them but I felt very sorry for his wife. She’s the true victim. How could he do this to a woman who had just given birth to his child? I would never have started seeing him if I had known the truth. It’s despicable.’

The subsequent investigation discovered the total value of Upton’s fraud was £532,000. The firm had about 800 clients, mainly small computer companies, and instead of paying his clients’ corporation tax to the taxman, Upton diverted the cash into his own account. His clients even ended up having to pay penalties for unpaid tax when his crimes were exposed.

Upton had previously been investigated and forced to pay compensation for an unauthorised investment scheme but had continued to commit offences when he was on bail.

Victoria did not attend court last week, having now washed her hands of Upton. She said: ‘I couldn’t bear it. It has brought back too many painful memories. But I want people to know I am not to blame for any of this. I didn’t make him do any of it. He lied to me too.’

The prosecution said many of the clients he deceived felt betrayed as they regarded him as a friend. Other victims said their businesses had been left close to collapse and they had suffered ill health.

Upton’s defence team claimed he made a legitimate annual profit of £250,000, but began offending because he was forced to repay £840,000 to the Financial Services Authority in monthly instalments of £10,000 over the earlier investment scheme, which had not led to criminal charges. Not prepared to cut back on his lifestyle, he then started to misappropriate clients’ funds.

Victoria was never investigated by police, who accepted she had no knowledge of where the funds were coming from. Heartbroken by Upton’s deception, she has attempted to move on, and has thrown her energy into building up her own beauty business. She also had brief relationships with two international footballers since her relationship with Upton ended. Despite everything he has put her through, however, Victoria cannot bring herself to hate Upton.

She said: ‘He hasn’t done me any real harm – he was always a true gentleman to me and I will always remember that about him. He has been described as arrogant but I never saw that side of him. But what he did to his clients, as well as his wife and daughter, was unforgivable. He deserves to be in prison for what he did to them.

original article here

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.


Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


FOR MORE CLICK HERE

Craigslist Affair Ends With Restraining Order

by John Ramsey

An extramarital affair that began on Craigslist has cost the former top enlisted Special Forces Command Soldier his position and is forcing him to retire early, he testified in Cumberland County court Friday.

Former Command Sgt. Maj. Mario Vigil took the stand Friday morning to ask Chief District Court Judge Beth Keever to order Connie Delaine Pruitt to stop contacting him and his family. Keever ordered Pruitt, who did not show up for the hearing, to follow a one-year restraining order that prohibits any direct or indirect contact with Vigil or his family.

Pruitt, of Durham County, says in court documents that she is pregnant with Vigil's child. In the military, adultery is a crime. She did not immediately return a call from a reporter Friday.

Vigil on Friday admitted to the affair and said he now just wants Pruitt to leave him alone so he and his wife can work to repair their marriage.

"I wish this court action would not have been necessary, but I was at my wit's end on how to protect myself and my family from further harassment from Connie Pruitt," Vigil said.

Vigil said he met with Pruitt three times after answering her Craigslist ad last September seeking men for sex. The third time, he said he told her he wanted to stop their relationship. That's when she told him she was pregnant. In court filings, Pruitt says she is expecting a child Aug. 2.

Vigil said he isn't sure whether she is pregnant or whether the baby is his.

"She wanted me to pay her," he said.

On Feb. 15, Vigil and his wife sent an email to Pruitt notifying her that they would consider any further attempts to contact them as harassment. But Pruitt didn't stop. She sent letters detailing the affair to Vigil's relatives and in-laws. After Feb. 15, she sent Vigil 65 text messages and more than 10 emails, he testified.

She dropped off packages at his workplace, including one that contained a poem, baby clothes and a sonogram picture.

On April 19, Vigil asked for a restraining order against Pruitt. His court date was delayed multiple times before Friday.

Vigil said he told his priest, his wife and his chain of command about his infidelity before Pruitt could go to them.

Pruitt, he said, kept asking for money. At one point, he gave her $480 for an abortion.

Documents from the military investigation into the affair say the adultery was substantiated, but there was no evidence to support Pruitt's other claim that Vigil shared classified information with her.

Vigil in 2008 became the top noncommissioned officer in the U.S. Army Special Forces Command, which includes about 14,000 Soldiers. He has served about 30 years in the Army, 4 1/2 years deployed in Desert Storm and the current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Due to the investigation into the affair, he was relieved from his position as command sergeant major of Special Forces Command and received a letter of reprimand from Lt. Gen. John F. Mulholland, commander of the United States Army Special Operations Command.

Vigil said his retirement should be final within six months.

"Bottom line, I was wrong. I should never have been in a relationship with her," Vigil said Friday outside the courtroom. "I'll take my lumps for it, and I have, and I'll move on."

original article here

ALIBIS - need one?

Need an alibi? Thanks to an alert by a friend of this blog, we've learned it seems you can even BUY one!! Disgusting!

CLICK HERE:ALIBI NETWORK

Check out some of their services:

• Various Telephone Alibis.
• Renting Phone Numbers
• Untraceable Numbers
• Voice Mail Numbers, etc.

Example: HAVING A DISCREET AFFAIR OR ONLINE AFFAIR ABOUT TO GO 'OFFLINE'?

** We place a call to you in advance confirming that your seminar/training/conference is scheduled for a date and a location designated by you:

-- To call from a 'Private' phone number
-- To call from any number requested by a client

** We mail you a conference invitation along with the timetable and topics overview, backed up by our partner's company toll-free number with the trained receptionist who will be prescreening all incoming phone calls.

** We will send you an e-ticket confirmation that you will be able to print if you choose to travel to a destination different from your actual point of travel.

** We will set you up with the virtual hotel number which will be answered by a live operator 24 hours a day. The operator will greet a caller with an appropriate hotel greeting message and will handle a call according to the instructions.

** We will send you a Certificate of Completion within 10 business days from the end of training.

** We will e-mail you digital photographs of you among the students at a particular location chosen by you.

** We can make a follow up call to you from one of the "students" wanting to keep in touch with you. (His phone number could be kept for a future need.)

Escape-a-Date Service.
Our service allows you to set-up a "save me from my date" phone call at a predetermined time. In this way, we will call you at the time you wish and if your date is not going that great, we will set the tone for an immediate getaway. .

Start or Break Up Relationships.
Just let us know when and what you would like us to manage and we will handle it for you! Please fill out a simple online request form so we can personally address your relationships needs.

Private Mail Receiving Service.
** Are you concerned about the possible lack of privacy of the mail and packages currently being delivered to your home or office?

** Do you want to keep your name and physical location hidden from people or entities you are corresponding online to?

** Is someone you met online (who may perhaps, think you are single) sending you a letter or a package and you prefer they not know your actual physical location?
Avoid awkward situations and use our discreet shipping services.

Private Phone Call Services.
**Do you need us to make a phone call, but want the phone call to appear from Paris? With the Paris number showing up on the caller id of the intended party?

# Are you in Dubai, but telling your partner you are in Tokyo? Would you like to have us assign a Tokyo number to you, receive the phone call on your behalf and forward it to your number in Dubai?

# Do you want to create an impression that you are staying in a certain hotel anywhere in the world? Complete with the 24 hr hotel receptionist answering in the accent of your choice and confirming your stay?

# Do you want to create an impression that you are flying by a certain airline on a certain date anywhere in the World?

Does anyone remember honesty? Will the internet ever be safe again? - EOPC

Snow in U.K. Boosts Website for Adultery!

Britons snowed in by the wintry weather have been flocking to an extra-marital dating site in the last 24 hours.

IllicitEncounters, which provides a platform for married people to conduct affairs, said on Wednesday it has seen an unexpected increase in visitors over the past 24 hours, and received a record number of new profiles on Wednesday morning.

The website said most new members are registering from areas worst hit by this week's extreme weather, including Hampshire, Berkshire, and the West Country, and the site has taken on several temporary staff members to cope with the rush.

"In light of these figures, I'd be interested to see how much work those 'working from home' have actually done," IlicitEncounters.com spokeswoman Sara Hartley said in a statement.

"Perhaps these wives and husbands have just been waiting for a time when they could join, away from the eyes of their work colleagues and, most importantly, their partners..."

The website said it has gained 2,567 new members in the last six days, suggesting that January will be its busiest month ever.

It says it has more than 350,000 members in Britain and that its aim is to create a safe and nonjudgmental environment where married men and women can meet each other.

original article here

Women are Warned Off of 'Casual Encounters' Sites

Almost all our cyberpaths (while claiming to be caring, upright and decent people) who conned for 'online love' used casual sex sites... much to the horror of their victims. When these predators don't get what they want on casual sex sites... they turn to luring, grooming and preying on normal, unwitting partners with proclamations of "love." BEWARE

Lonely Welsh women are turning to sordid internet sites to find no-strings thrills, Wales on Sunday can reveal.

The lovelorn browsers could become targets for stalkers and kidnappers, experts believe, as the so-called casual encounter forums could act as a magnet for dangerous predators.

Websites like craigslist host hundreds of ads from women and men looking for casual sex and who have grown tired of the traditional dating circuit.

But while their x-rated messages are almost guaranteed to attract a steamy response, safety gurus have warned that in a matter of minutes, vile cyber stalkers could have tracked down their home or office address.

Just a handful of responses received by a Wales on Sunday reporter revealed the worrying spectrum of offers being brokered online.

Just hours after posting the message: “Brunette, 27, seeks an older man for no-strings fun,” more than a dozen e-mails had flooded back – some touting trips abroad, meals out and stays in luxury resorts – all in exchange for a single night of no-strings sex.

One 27-year-old said he was willing to travel from London to Wales for a passionate fling with the “right” girl.

While another – a man who claimed to have blue eyes, light brown hair and dimples – asked: “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

“ I have reservations at Harrahs in Cherokee in the Smoky Mountains (North Carolina, America). I’m looking for someone to go with me and have some fun. I will get a ticket to get you there... my treat.”

Professor Andrew Blyth, an information security expert at the University of Glamorgan, told WoS that he was “not surprised” that men and women had now turned to the net to arrange casual hook-ups.

But he warned: “I think if you do it, you’re mad.

“It’s one thing to meet someone in a bar and later find that something similar happens. But in this setting, people can claim to be anything they want."

“On one level, everyone involved is a consenting adult, but what happened to using chat-up lines in bars?

“With just a postcode and a quick search of the electoral register you can very quickly, and easily, narrow down a person’s address. The people involved could become exposed to abuse, abduction or even blackmail."

“I think if you do this, you’re off your trolley.”

Earlier this year, 17-year-old Ashleigh Michelle Hall was discovered dead after meeting a stranger online.

Durham Police said that the bright Darlington teen had failed to return home one night during October.

The GCSE student’s body was found after a 32-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of driving offences.

Bosses at craigslist.co.uk declined to comment on any of the arrangements that were being made via the site.

But a quick browse on the platform’s page for Wales revealed a clutch of messages from users... all keen to arrange potentially dangerous liaisons over the internet.

Some had posted their home and work postcodes on the site, as well as a telephone number, descriptions of their appearance and even photographs for strangers to browse.

“Once you have got these details, people can certainly find out where you live,” Prof Blyth said. “Postcodes restrict a person’s address to a group of 20, perhaps a hundred houses at the most.

“This really opens up issues of cyber stalking, as what’s seen as a casual relationship by one could be misconstrued as the real long-lasting deal by another person.

“It would even be easy enough to blackmail – for two people to arrange to meet up at a hotel and for one of the pair to threaten to tell the other’s spouse.

“They would already have your picture, and a phone number.”

A spokeswoman from South Wales Police last night advised men and women not to meet up in person with any stranger they had met online.

“These people could be purporting to be someone they are not,” she said.

“On the internet, people can easily make false claims, omit important details, post outdated photographs or even use photos of other people claiming to be them.

“Women and men should consider their personal safety at all times, and refrain from putting themselves into a vulnerable position.”

Lovelorn men and women are keen to push the boundaries online, experts have claimed.

Just a few hours after WoS reporter JO HARRIS posted her message on the web, dozens of racy replies came flooding her way.

One read: “Your message got my attention! All I can say is that your post ‘looking for no-strings fun’ is perfect. I’m not married, but single and like it that way. I’m looking for someone who can give me that special feeling now and again. Then I can carry on with my week.”

Another, who claimed to be a novice user of casual encounter sites, replied: “If you’re stuck for NSA (no-strings attached) fun, I’m more than available.

“I can travel but can’t accommodate. I’d love to be able to come round.”

But the most responses were those that talked of trips abroad in exchange for a steamy affair.

A man, who described himself as fair, with light-brown hair, blue eyes and a goatee beard, wrote: “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

“I have reservations at Harrahs in Cherokee in Smoky Mountains (North Carolina, USA). I am looking for someone to go with me and have some fun. I will get a ticket to get you there... my treat.”

original article here