WOMEN WARNED ABOUT ONLINE DATING WITH MURDER SUSPECT

by Helen Pidd

(U.K.) A man suspected of burning his girlfriend to death in her own home has a history of meeting women through dating and social networking websites, police have warned.

Greater Manchester police believe George Appleton may have tried to contact women on Facebook and other sites since going on the run last Friday, when the badly burned body of Clare Wood, 36, was discovered at her home in Salford.

He is a regular user of Facebook and is known to use a number of aliases on dating websites. Anyone who has made contact with him in recent days is urged not to arrange to meet him, but to call the police. Wood was discovered in the bedroom of her house on Friday afternoon. Appleton, 40, who lives nearby, is understood to have been in a relationship with Wood, who had a 10-year-old daughter.

Detective Superintendent Pete Jackson, who is leading the investigation, said: "George, if you are hearing this message, please listen to me. I want to speak to you and I want you to get some help. Please phone your solicitor or the police. Please tell us where you are and whether you are OK so we can get you some proper help." He added: "We are investigating the horrible murder of a young mum and are leaving no stone unturned to find the person who killed her."

At least four women are thought to have contacted police to say they had online contact with Appleton before Wood's murder. On his Facebook page, Appleton, who is unemployed, lists his activities as "wouldent ya like to know" and his interests as "music, computors, DJing, films".

Wood had reportedly recently signed up to Zoosk, one of Britain's top dating sites. She wrote in her ad: "I am a talkative, affectionate woman who would love to hear from someone who is relatively sane in my area.I would like to meet a respectful, affectionate man. Not looking for a one-night stand, so if this is what you want walk away. "Also someone who likes a larger lady is an advantage but they must be flexible as I am shrinking rapidly."

Detectives said the suspect also has a form of the spinal condition spondylitis and is not believed to have any medication with him. CCTV footage of Appleton taken outside his block of flats in Adelphi Court the day before Wood's body was found in nearby St Simon Street was released yesterday.

He is seen wearing tracksuit bottoms with a white stripe down the leg, white Reebok trainers, a dark-coloured padded jacket and a woollen hat with brown, red and purple stripes. It is possible he is driving a red Ford Escort, registration N554 HYG, and could be parked up, sleeping in his car. He is known to have links in the Warrington area and in Leicestershire and Gloucestershire.

Ms Wood's grandparents Geoff and Catherine Camponi paid tribute to her as a "lovely kind person who would never harm anyone".

original article found here

The Red Flags Of An Online Relationship

Know what to look for...
by Jennifer Good

In a medium where faith in a potential partner is being put at an all-time high, it is important to know if you're stepping blindly. If you're considering an online relationship, or are currently in one, there are a few things you should be prepared to look out for. While each situation is unique, and it is important to go by your instinct, the following list should help you spot any red flags you might encounter.

RED FLAG #1: Won't show you current or full body photos.
While looks may not be important to you, your partner's ability to tell the truth should be. If you doubt the sincerity of any photo your interest has sent you, send a disposable camera with a self-addressed, postage ready envelope with instructions to take pictures and send the camera back to you. This way you can develop the film yourself.

Also see if it's a RECENT photo and if they have cropped someone out (spouse, child, romantic partner)

RED FLAG #2: They do not have any solid contact numbers.
You've progressed to telephone contact, but the problem is you can't ever contact them! If any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of.

You have to page them for them to call you back. Or they will only give you a cell phone or work number.

They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.

You can only call during certain periods of time. Again, if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone.

They will only call, therefore not allowing you to call them.

RED FLAG #3: Reality VS. Fantasy

There are many different viewpoints towards a relationship founded through the Internet. To save future hurt and embarrassment, make sure you know your potential partner's philosophies. Do they view an Internet relationship as a real relationship, or is it a way to live out a fantasy life? If it's the later, be careful to avoid being their latest cyber fling.

RED FLAG #4: Asks for money.

Avoid getting into financial trouble by following a simple rule; don't send money. EVER.

RED FLAG #5: You're the only one making an effort or altering your lifestyle to have this relationship.

This is a telltale sign of things to come if you develop an off-line romance. No relationship should be solely one person giving and the other taking. If you find this happening to you, talk about it to your partner and ask them to meet you half way in your efforts.

RED FLAG #6: Your potential partner is overly insecure about your off-line or online activities.

Just as in any relationship, a person who is overly insecure about something can end up being an emotionally draining experience.

Or they are ALWAYS asking that make sure the chats and photos are deleted. Don't delete anything!

Take a step back, and really look at whether this is something you're willing to put up with if the relationship happened to last two to three years. If not, move on and find someone more independent.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

TWELVE RULES FOR DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHS

This excerpt from an interview with Martha Stout was so good we are reposting it here. Many of these rules can be applied to relationships with cyberpaths, online bullies or predators.

In our opinion, Cyberpaths are at their cores Destructive Narcissists & Sociopaths

Read & heed! - EOPC

Twelve Rules
by Martha Stout
Author of THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR.

1 - The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience, and that these people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender.

They look like us.

2 - In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on -- educator, doctor, leader, animal-lover, humanitarian, loving parent, activist, religious person -- go with your instincts.

Whether you want to be or not, you are a constant observer of human behavior, and your unfiltered impressions, though alarming and seemingly outlandish, may well help you out if you will let them. Your best self understands, without being told, that impressive and moral-sounding labels do not bestow conscience on anyone who did not have it to begin with.

3 - When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has.

Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the lynchpin of conscienceless behavior.

Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.

Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.


4 - Question authority.
Once again -- trust your own instincts and anxieties, especially those concerning people who claim that dominating others, violence, war, or some other violation of your conscience is the grand solution to some problem. Do this even when, or especially when, everyone around you has completely stopped questioning authority.

Recite to yourself what Stanley Milgram taught us about obedience. 'At least six out of ten people will blindly obey a present, official-looking authority to the bitter end.' The good news is that having social support makes people somewhat more likely to challenge authority.

Encourage those around you to question, too.

5 - Suspect flattery.
Compliments are lovely, especially when they are sincere. In contrast, flattery is extreme, and appeals to our egos in unrealistic ways. It is the material of counterfeit charm, and nearly always involves an intent to manipulate. Manipulation through flattery is sometimes innocuous and sometimes sinister. (i.e. Love Bombing done by Cyberpaths)

This "flattery rule" applies on an individual basis, and also at the level of groups and even whole nations. Throughout all of human history and to the present, the call to war has included the flattering claim that one's own forces are about to accomplish a victory that will change the world for the better, a triumph that is morally laudable, justified by its humane outcome, unique in human endeavor, righteous, and worthy of enormous gratitude. Since we began to record the human story, all of our major wars have been framed in this way, on all sides of the conflict, and in all languages the adjective most often applied to the word war is the word holy. An argument can easily be made that humanity will have peace when nations of people are at last able to see through this masterful flattery.

6 - If necessary, redefine your concept of respect.
Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect.

I have a spotted Bengal cat who was named Muscle Man by my daughter when she was a toddler, because even as a kitten he looked like a professional wrestler. Grown now, he is much larger than most other domestic cats. His formidable claws resemble those of his Asian leopard-cat ancestors, but by temperament, he is gentle and peace-loving. My neighbor has a little calico who visits. Evidently the calico's predatory charisma is huge, and she is brilliant at directing the evil eye at other cats. Whenever she is within fifty feet, Muscle Man, all fifteen pounds of him to her seven, cringes and crouches in fear and feline deference.

Muscle Man is a splendid cat. He is warm and loving, and he is close to my heart. Nonetheless, I would like to believe that some of his reactions are more primitive than mine.

I hope I do not mistake fear for respect, because to do so would be to ensure my own victimization. Let us use our big human brains to overpower our animal tendency to bow to predators, so we can disentangle the reflexive confusion of anxiety and awe. In a perfect world, human respect would be an automatic reaction only to those who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. The person who profits from frightening you is not likely to be any of these.

The resolve to keep respect separate from fear is even more crucial for groups and nations. The politician, small or lofty, who menaces the people with frequent reminders of the possibility of crime, violence, or terrorism, and who then uses their magnified fear to gain allegiance is more likely to be a successful con artist than a legitimate leader. This too has been true throughout human history. (This applies to Cyberpaths who apply the 'if you do...., then I will...." to keep you silent about the truth about them. Or who threaten to tell your friends, coworkers or hurt your family & friends. This includes those who defame and libel your reputation to people who don't even know you and rewrite history in their favor!)

7 - Do not join the game.
Intrigue is a sociopath's tool.

Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him.

In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.

8 - The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication.

The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life altogether. Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. Begin this exclusion of them in the context of your own relationships and social life.

You will not hurt anyone's feelings. Strange as it seems, and though they may try to pretend otherwise, sociopaths do not have any such feelings to hurt.

You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and harder to explain. Avoid him/ her anyway.

If total avoidance is impossible, make plans to come as close as you can to the goal of total avoidance.

9 - Question your tendency to pity too easily.
Respect should be reserved for the kind and the morally courageous. Pity is another socially valuable response, and should be reserved for innocent people who are in genuine pain or who have fallen on misfortune. If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy & compassion, the chances are close to one hundred percent that you are dealing with a sociopath.

Related to this-- I recommend that you severely challenge your need to be polite in absolutely all situations. For normal adults in our culture, being what we think of as "civilized" is like a reflex, and often we find ourselves being automatically decorous even when someone has enraged us, repeatedly lied to us, or figuratively stabbed us in the back. Sociopaths take huge advantage of this automatic courtesy in exploitive situations.

Do not be afraid to be unsmiling and calmly to the point.

10 - Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.
Second (third, fourth, and fifth) chances are for people who possess conscience. If you are dealing with a person who has no conscience, know how to swallow hard and cut your losses.

At some point, most of us need to learn the important if disappointing life lesson that, no matter how good our intentions, we cannot control the behavior -- let alone the character structures -- of other people. Learn this fact of human life, and avoid the irony of getting caught up in the same ambition he has-- to control.

If you do not desire control, but instead want to help people, then help only those who truly want to be helped. I think you will find this does not include the person who has no conscience.

The sociopath's behavior is not your fault, not in any way whatsoever. It is also not your mission. Your mission is your own life.

11 - Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.

"Please don't tell," often spoken tearfully and with great gnashing of teeth, is the trademark plea of thieves, abusers -- and sociopaths. Do not listen to this siren-song. Other people deserve to be warned more than sociopaths deserve to have you keep their secrets. (i.e. - EXPOSURE WORKS!)

If someone without conscience insists that you "owe" him or her, recall what you are about to read here -- that "You owe me" has been the standard line of sociopaths for thousands of years, quite literally, and is still so. It is what Rasputin told the Empress of Russia. It is what Hannah's father implied to her, after her eye-opening conversation with him at the prison.

We tend to experience "You owe me" as a compelling claim, but it is simply not true. Do not listen.

Also, ignore the one that goes, "You are just like me." You are not.

12 - Defend your psyche.
Do not allow someone without conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love.

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.


Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


FOR MORE CLICK HERE

Over 200,000 in Britain Duped by Online Dating Scams

by Peter Walker

(U.K.) Number of unreported cases likely to be far higher as individual losses range from £50 to £240,000

More than 200,000 people in Britain may have been conned by fraudsters posing as would-be romantic partners on internet dating sites, according to the first study examining the potential scale of the problem.

Anti-fraud groups have warned for some time about scams, in which criminals create a false identity – often an army officer on active service, explaining an inability to meet in person – and develop a close online intimacy with a victim, who is then asked for cash to help their presumed suitor out of a crisis.

It had long been suspected that official figures for such crimes greatly under-represented their prevalence, largely because many victims feel too embarrassed or hurt to go to the police, or never realise they have been conned.

The study by the universities of Leicester and Westminster, working with the Serious Organised Crime Agency (Soca), found 2% of people surveyed personally knew someone who had experienced the crime. Extrapolating this to the online UK population means more than 200,000 potential victims.

Monica Whitty, a psychologist and professor of contemporary media at Leicester University, said that the pool of those targeted was likely to be greater still as it did not include people who realised what was happening before they lost money and those who still did not realise they had been conned.

The researchers had been "shocked" at the numbers involved, she said.

There has been an assumption that victims tend to be middle-aged women. However, said Whitty, targets were from both genders and all age groups.

Aside from the financial costs involved – Soca has tracked individual losses ranging from £50 to £240,000 – those conned also faced the heartbreak of discovering that the person with whom they had fallen in love was the invention of a skilled con artist, usually Nigerian or Ghanaian, and often not even of the same gender.

"A lot of people find it very hard to accept what has happened, even if they know the person involved is now in jail," Whitty said. We've had male victims who still refer to the other person as 'she', even though they now know it was a man. In a few cases they've found the relationship so therapeutic they keep it going, even if they know they've been conned."

The scams often begin with an online dating site profile carrying a notably attractive photo, taken from elsewhere on the internet, and a description of someone in a remote, hard-to-contact location – whether a military base in Afghanistan or, to tempt male victims, a UK or US nurse at a small foreign hospital.

The use of almost exclusively online communication – the criminals occasionally resort to phone calls but these are rare given the extra difficulty of explaining away an accent – can actually accelerate intimacy, Whitty said, allowing victims to project their own hopes and desires on to a warm and empathic correspondent.

"Email and instant messaging can have the effect of being hyper-personal. Lots of people get in touch with someone through a dating site, meet them a few weeks later and this person doesn't live up to their expectations. With an online relationship this never happens."

The faked romances can last for a long time – the longest the researchers heard of was five years – with each criminal juggling a series of parallel relationships. At some point comes the request for urgent financial assistance, often to help them out of supposed difficulty.

"They might test the waters by asking for a present, for example saying they've lost their mobile phone and need another one. If this happens, they'll ask for money. It's like a clever marketing ploy."

Very few cases are seemingly reported. A spokesman for the UK's National Fraud Authority said the agency had learned of 730 crimes over the past 15 months, totalling £8m in losses.

The survey, covering more than 2,000 people, found that just over half were aware that such romance scams existed.

While this was a positive sign, Colin Woodcock of Soca said, significant numbers of people remained at risk.

"The perpetrators spend long periods of time grooming their victims, working out their vulnerabilities and when the time is right to ask for money," he said. By being aware of how to stay safe online, members of the UK public can ensure they don't join those who have lost nearly every penny they had, been robbed of their self-respect, and in some cases, committed suicide after being exploited, relentlessly, by these criminals."


How to spot a dating scam

Soca has compiled a list of tell-tale signs for people to look out for if they suspect their internet suitor is a con artist.

• A distant location and/or a job in the military: by pretending to be serving in, for example, Afghanistan, or on an oil rig, the scammer has a convenient excuse for being unable to chat on the phone or in person. When men are targeted, the other party often tends to be a nurse working in a remote country.

• A fondness for Windows Messenger or similar applications: aware that dating sites are increasingly conscious of such cons, the perpetrators can be keen to continue their wooing elsewhere.

• A suspiciously attractive and/or rugged-looking photo: of course, not every good-looking person lurking on a dating site is a fraudster. But the con artists tend to select particularly alluring physical alter egos, which they borrow from elsewhere on the internet.

• A quick adoption of a pet name: if, by the second email, you are being addressed as "dearest fluffy bunny", beware – it could be a fraudster looking to establish instant intimacy.

• A predisposition towards financial or other misfortunes: it is perhaps the most obvious tip, but if a suitor you have never met suddenly crashes their car, or needs an expensive airfare or a lawyer, be on your guard. The same goes if they start alluding to gold bullion or suitcases full of cash they hope to bring to the U.K.

original article found here

Meets Them on Craigslist, then Harasses Them

When Randall Mason’s girlfriend ended their relationship, the harassing calls began, police said. The threats led the victim to being fired and led police to capture a man they believe is a serial harasser.

The Greenwich woman called police in July and they soon determined that Mason, 28, had a history of meeting women on Craigslist. When they ended the relationship, he would harass them, the Greenwich Time reports. Police believe there are at least six victims, mostly in Connecticut and New York.

"All the women were the same age and had the same physical descriptors," Sgt. Michael Reynolds told the Time. "He has been very consistent with what he does."

Mason and the victim lived together in New York City for several months before she ended things. Then, she left New York and moved in with her parents in Greenwich.

There were Internet threats and text messages, police said, and Mason allegedly threatened serious bodily harm, the Time reports.

He is also accused of harassing the woman’s employer. The threats were so “intolerable,” she was fired, the Time reports.

"This was initially classified as a domestic violence case, but we realized during the investigation what his background was," Berry told the newspaper. "Our investigation yielded two separate warrants and we quickly developed information that he was out of state."

Police told the Time, they believe Mason left the state and went to Chicago last year to avoid the charges.

On Aug. 5, authorities in Illinois arrested Mason. On Wednesday, Greenwich police brought him back to Connecticut. On Thursday, he was arraigned on threatening and harassment charges in Stamford Superior Court on Thursday.

Mason has a criminal history that dates back to 2001, including convictions for larceny and identity theft, the Time reports, citing court records. In 2005, he served 18 months in jail, records show. Court records show that Mason was also charged with third-degree identity theft, third-degree larceny and violation of probation.

Lt. Richard Cochran, head of the domestic violence section, told the Time that it seemed that Mason had "hooked another victim" in Illinois when he was taken into custody. "None of these women had any idea what they were dealing with," Cochran told the newspaper.

Mason is being held on a $225,000 bond. He is due back in state Superior Court in Stamford on Aug. 24.

Two words: BACKGROUND CHECK!! ALWAYS!! - EOPC

original article here