Net Ensnares Cheaters in Tangled Web

By David Koeppel

Adultery was once kept a secret. Not online.

The Internet dating (search) craze is blazing a trail of broken marriages, thanks to dozens of sites inviting participants to identify themselves as "not so happily married," "married but that shouldn't matter" or even the seemingly archaic, "married but we swing."
Studies show some 30 percent of online dating visitors are married - and recent research by the University of Florida (search) reports that what starts out as flirting and cybersex quickly escalates into the real thing.

The Internet became an easy escape for "Beth," a 43-year-old married New Yorker who dated about 60 men in three years until she met Steve, who's also married -- but now sneaking around with Beth.

"We see each other once or twice a week," she says. "We have a lot in common, have a great time together and the sex is phenomenal."

She says a cold husband sent her surfing for more. "There was no warmth or any physical affection," she says glumly.

She tried cajoling her husband into seeing a marriage counselor, but after only one visit, he refused to return. She didn't want a divorce because of their 10-year-old daughter, so she posted an ad online.

"I'm not interested in jeopardizing my marriage or anyone else's," she said. "I just wanted to find someone special I could click with."

Other women interviewed say they've been searching for deeper emotional relationships than their husbands are able to give -- but aren't ready to leave.

"I guess the sex just isn't what it used to be when we first met," says Nicole, 28, a married New Yorker who's listed her profile online. "I miss the feeling of sex being new and exciting. It's addicting."

Addiction is something that Chris Samuels, the co-director of a sexual addiction treatment center, understands all too well. She has treated many married and unmarried patients who've gotten caught up in Internet lust.

"Its power is almost trance-inducing," she says. "You can troll these sites and have a fantasy ready and waiting. Cybersex can provide a quick and powerful high. It's like crack cocaine to sex addicts."

(IT IS TRANCE INDUCING - STAY AWAY!!!!!!)
 

Alfred, 49, is a self-described Internet Lothario who says he's been "swinging" for 23 years.

Before going online, he would post ads in "swinger magazines," sometimes waiting two to four months to set up a first meeting.

Now his desires can be gratified almost instantly by posting ads on the Internet.

"While I'm open to a relationship, I'd prefer someone I can meet for no-strings mutual sexual pleasure on a continuing basis," he says.

Alfred's new online ads generally attract several interested women ("I'm a seller in a buyer's market," he says proudly).

He usually hooks up with married women, but says there are plenty of singles who don't mind that he's already spoken for.

Unfortunately, while these spouses are sowing their wild oats, there's likely to be someone at home who's getting hurt.
John LaSage, 43, from California, could attest to that -- his wife left him and his two teenage daughters to take off with an Internet boyfriend.

The experience led him to create chatcheaters.com -- a Web site designed to help dissuade potential cheaters and to comfort those who've been hurt by them.

"Chatting is OK, cheating is not," says LaSage.

"People should realize how quickly relationships can form online. Flirting can lead to real-world affairs."

If you suspect your spouse of having an online affair, "Bring the issue out into the open," he says.

"Look out for the warning signs" -- like excessive Internet use, new email accounts, turning off the computer when you walk in the room.
Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the relationships expert for online dating site Perfectmatch.com, says married men are much more likely to say they're just looking for sex than married women, but ultimately the search is about loneliness.

"... It's about gratification," she said. "They want someone to find them attractive, someone to want them passionately."

But not every married person who's gone the online route has found the affair of their dreams.

Wayne, a 49-year-old man from New Jersey, complains that his inbox is usually cluttered with undesirable partners and a fair share of transsexuals and cross-dressers.

But that may be just the ticket for 34-year-old "Rockerdude" of New York City, who advertises online that he's hoping to make sweet music with men, women -- and anything in between.

"Yes, I am married, but we have a very liberal, open-minded relationship," he writes.

With additional reporting by Michael Shashoua

The 'Cyberpath's' Absolute Narcissism

extrapolated from the great work of Claudia Moscovici:

Psychopaths (or cyberpaths) suffer from the most extreme form of narcissism. Narcissists put others down, or dominate them, in order to get validation as superior to them. Usually such individuals seem to be exactly as they are: smug, snobby, self-absorbed to the point of being ridiculous. Since psychopaths (or cyberpaths) wear a mask of sanity, however, their narcissism is better camouflaged, at least initially.
 
It’s also far more acute and dangerous. Psychopaths (or cyberpaths) put others down in order to crush them. No matter how charming and modest they may seem in superficial contact, their ego feeds upon the victimization of others, including–or rather, especially–their family members, spouses, lovers and children. They aren’t satisfied with simply proving their superiority. They need to also humiliate and harm those around them in order to feel empowered and superior to them.

Clinically speaking, narcissism constitutes what Hervey Cleckley calls in The Mask of Sanity a “pathological egocentricity and incapacity for love.” Narcissists are so self-absorbed that they can’t envision the needs and reactions of others. They regard others as mirrors whose main role is to reflect–and magnify–the image of their own greatness. Although psychopaths (or cyberpaths) are narcissistic to an extreme, they’re also far worse than most narcissists. At least most narcissists—excluding perhaps “malignant narcissists”–can experience self-doubt. They also need love and validation from other individuals.

Psychopaths (or cyberpaths) embody narcissism with a grotesque twist. They lack the depth to experience or need a personal, individuated kind of love. As Cleckley observes, “The psychopath (or cyberpath) is always distinguished by egocentricity. This is usually of a degree not seen in ordinary people and often is little short of astonishing.” (The Mask of Sanity, 347) Furthermore, unlike narcissists, who, as mentioned, often show themselves to be vain to the point of self-caricature, psychopaths (or cyberpaths) don’t usually appear to be arrogant, self-absorbed or boastful. They can mask much better their grossly inflated egos, as they camouflage everything else that’s deviant and dangerous in their personalities.  They compellingly present themselves as loving, affectionate and other-regarding individuals.

However, as Cleckley notes,  “Deeper probing will always reveal a self-centeredness that is apparently unmodifiable and all but complete. This can perhaps be best expressed by stating that it is an incapacity for object love and that this incapacity (in my experience with well-marked psychopaths (or cyberpaths) appears to be absolute.” (347) Cleckley correlates object-love, or caring about another person, with the capacity to feel empathy. Without empathy, you can’t understand what others feel. You therefore don’t have a disincentive to cause them harm or pain. Conversely, you lack the incentive to make them happier. Love, or even kindness, don’t exist without empathy.

That’s not to say that psychopaths (or cyberpaths) can’t experience any sort of fondness whatsoever. But their affection tends to be self-serving, fleeting and superficial. In some cases, it manifests itself as an intense, obsessive drive to possess another person. Cleckley grants that, “[The psychopath (or cyberpath)] is plainly capable of casual fondness, of likes and dislikes, and of reactions that, one might say, cause others to matter to him.” (348) He qualifies, “These affective reactions are, however, always strictly limited in degree. In durability they also vary greatly from what is normal in mankind. The term absolute is, I believe, appropriate if we apply it to any affective attitude strong and meaningful enough to be called love, that is, anything that prevails in sufficient degree and over sufficient periods to exert a major influence on behavior.” (347) Whenever they seem to be passionately in love or to experience genuine parental or filial devotion, psychopaths (or cyberpaths) are faking it.

Let’s return again to the case of Neil Entwistle. Opening the door for his wife, giving her romantic gifts, posting the pictures of her and their newborn baby on a joint website, doesn’t mean anything if he’s prepared to literally sacrifice his family to his whims. To this effect, Cleckley observes, “The psychopath (or cyberpath) seldom shows anything that, if the chief facts were known, would pass even in the eyes of lay observers as object love. His absolute indifference to the financial, social, emotional, physical, and other hardships that he brings upon those for whom he professes love confirms the appraisal during psychiatric studies of his true attitude. We must, let it never be forgotten, judge a man by his actions rather than by his words.” (348)

Because they can’t love others, psychopaths (or cyberpaths) also lack the motivation to improve their character and behavior. Cleckley concludes, “This lack in the psychopath (or cyberpath) makes it all but impossible for an adequate emotional rapport to arise in his treatment and may be an important factor in the therapeutic failure that, in my experience, has been universal.” (348)

Claudia's blog

Claudia's book

6 MONTHS FOR CRIMINAL CYBER HARASSMENT OF HIS EX

by Sam Pazzano

(CANADA) A Toronto osteopath who sought to ruin his former mistress' life by disseminating pornographic shots and videos to her family, friends and church pals was slapped Friday with a blended six-month conditional sentence.

Justice Peter Harris handed Oleg Korbut a mixture of house arrest to be served Monday through Friday -- which enables him to keep working and supporting his wife and six-month-old son -- plus 90 days of weekends in jail, starting next Friday night.

Harris was sentencing Korbut, 43, for criminal harassment plus stealing his now 30-year-old lover's cellphone and diary in January 2010.

While the judge said this sentence would signal that the "theft of one's most private and personal information will not be tolerated," he tempered the six-month sentence -- by making it conditional, instead of six months of straight jail time -- so that Korbut could keep supporting his family.

The victim's embarrassing videos on the internet cannot be retrieved, so her suffering and embarrassment may never end, the judge sadly noted.

"Unquestionably, Mr. Korbut's premeditated, escalating campaign in the form of deliberate, callous and vindictive harassment has had a profound and devastating impact on Ms. K's reputation, her integrity and her self-worth," the judge said. The victim cannot be legally identified.

Korbut -- who had taken sexual photos and videos of the victim during their two-year relationship which he ended in late 2009 -- stole her cell-phone and diary in January 2010 after she revealed she was seeing another man. Korbut had forbade her from doing so for a year or more.

The Ukrainian-educated medical doctor became enraged and then distributed those images to the e-mail addresses of her family, friends and church-going pals. He also started posting her on on-line dating websites between Feb. 16, and March 6 2010.

Korbut also dropped off a "Valentine's Day" gift of a sexually explicit DVD at the home of the woman's new boyfriend on Feb. 14, 2010.

Korbut "was unable to restrain his scornful attitude towards Ms. K., and referred to her as a ‘whore' and ‘f---ing scum' while testifying in his own defence," Harris noted. "He lacks insight and respect for others. . his unbalanced perspective on gender equality and sensitivity was apparent."

Korbut is a first-time offender who enjoys a solid reputation and solid support in the community and represents a low risk to re-offend, Harris said.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

Sociopathic Characteristics - Is Your Cyberpath One?

• Jekyll & Hyde personality
• Always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath’s position
• Excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
• Excels at evasion of accountability
• Is extremely and successfully manipulative of people’s perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
• Silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including lawyers, police & therapists) in verbal conflict
• Is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of helping the sociopath with his/her harassment
• Identifies those essential to the sociopath’s survival and manipulates their perceptions of them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
• Manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath’s game
• Is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behavior best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
• Creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
• Is contemptuous of disrepute to their organization and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
• Is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organizations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organizations, families and communities. The actions of a socialized psychopath may go undetected or unrecognized for years
• A history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions and threats, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognize the sociopath for what he is
• Only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behavior be fathomed and the consequences calculated
• Is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralizing and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath’s mask of sanity at all times
• Restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
• Pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
• Is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label ’serial bully’) into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors/ proxies of vendettas
• Is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person’s instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
• Gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• Once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings’ instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples’ adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction, revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people’s distress
• When faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath’s true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
• Is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
• Is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath (eg ‘keeping victims apart’ so there is comparison or sharing of activities or statements made by the sociopath)
• Has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
• The need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
• Is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest emotional jargon
• Exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
• Exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
• Is always identifying the behaviors and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
• Is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
• Is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
• Easily manipulates and hypnotizes a vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
• Exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
• Is pushy and extremely persuasive
• Is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive (and often sexually & porn addicted)
• Is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexually abusive activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
• May be associating with, or actively involved in, sexually abusive activity
• Has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other’s emotions
• Is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
• The male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
• May start projects or relationships with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
• Frequently takes unnecessary and miscalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
• Is reckless and untrustworthy with money
• Is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offenses, eg fraud, deception
• Is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, etc disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
• Cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc - while trumpeting they are “good at” same (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
• Likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
• Exhibits parasitical behavior, takes everything and gives nothing grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples’ success whilst surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
• Rarely blinks, may have stary scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely (the 'sociopathic stare' that many mistake for romantic intensity)
• Is callous, cold and calculating
• Is devious, clever and cunning
• Is ruthless in the extreme regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus or inconvenient to requirements
• Displays zero empathy completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
• Malicious and evil
  

* Found at F.A.C.T.net Forums.


REMEMBER - EOPC are not doctors, lawyers, police or mental health professionals. We cannot diagnose, we can merely offer an opinion or suggestion. -- Sociopaths/ psychopaths RARELY go to be diagnosed or admit what they are! We present this as part of our ongoing psychopathy/ sociopathy education efforts and to help victims and others see exactly 'WHAT' they may be dealing with.

PREDATORS

Punishing narcissists [by exposing them] is not being mean to them. It may be the only thing that can help. And, as for their victims, it is simple justice, the right thing to do for their sake too. - What Makes Narcissists Tick

What is the predator thinking? What's going on in the mystery behind those steely blue eyes? What do they see in you?

Something to love for anything but lunch?

How many tiger-tamers and lion-tamers have fooled themselves into thinking they had developed a relationship with these beasts? Fooled themselves into unknowing that every minute of every day in the cage that tiger was tempted.

That's what tiger-taming is - astounding an audience with the audacity of dangling yourself as bait before a predator.

Until one day, when out of the blue, almost off-handedly, Tiger hops down off the pedestal and eats the tamer to just be done with it already.

How many times have authorities similarly fooled themselves about a child molester, rapist, or serial killer - thinking they can safely be released from prison? Then, out on the street, bait is constantly dangled before their eyes.

Sooner or later....

One might as well expect a wolf to be lovey-dovey with lambs or expect that tiger to roam the streets without hurting anyone. It ain't gonna happen.

It's all because of the way a predator VIEWS you. There is no connection in that look. It's a tiger and you aren't - you are lunch.

A narcissist has no proper relationship with him- or her-self (N's identify with their image instead of their buried inner selves), so how can they have a proper human relationship with anyone else? They see nothing to identify with in you.

Predators - the way to deal with them is simply to get and stay a safe distance away from them. They may resist the temptation today, but if you keep dangling bait before their eyes, sooner or later you know what is going to happen.
So let no one tell you it's mean to divorce one or cut off contact with one. I don't care how much the narcissist cries about it or even if he or she threatens suicide if you leave. People might as well tell you that you have a moral obligation to remain within striking distance of a great white shark because it's mean to stay away and let it go hungry. Absurd.

A predator has no RIGHT to prey, no claim on your life that you must fulfill by allowing them to use you as their whipping boy.

It's just too bad that they will be sad and unhappy without one, because that's THEIR problem: you have a right to pursue your own happiness.

original article here

The Heart of Why We Run This Site

Yes, EOPC took on the Megan Meier/MySpace Suicide case six years ago. Why?

Because it goes right to the heart of why we run this site. Every month we get letters begging us for help or direction from those who have been targeted, seduced, used, lied to & abused and then discarded, stalked, threatened and smeared by people with internet access who think the web is one big anonymous playground. A place where you are faceless & nameless and can do or say anything you want to or about anyone with impugnity.

WRONG!

EOPC does believe that most of these people are pathological. They could be sociopathic, suffering from Destructive Narcissistic Pattern, Borderline, just evil or a combination. The consequences are very real.

The Cyberpath wants to walk away with no consequences. They become enraged when their victims ask for accountability and/or expose them... saying they are "obsessed: and "need to get over it." (scroll down to the comments in this post for an example of what one of our exposed predators said to his victim!)

Sorry, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Our victims are ill - often because of the abuse of the cyberpath, divorced, in debt and suffering because of these PREDATORS. In the Meier case - a VULNERABLE 13 YEAR OLD IS DEAD.

Telling helps everyone:
The Victim - Gets the validation they need. No more "get over it" or "move on" or "give it a rest." The Victims have been through trauma that has nothing to do with a simple relationship break up. They have been brainwashed, controlled, manipulated, eviscerated and tossed aside like garbage. And other human beings aren't garbage. This is a perfect example of the lack of regard & empathy the cyberpath/ pathological has for their victim(s)!

The Predator/ Cyberpath - Gets a needed & deserved accountability moment. If they want counseling or help to stop their online behaviors - they can write to us, we will try to help find some help!

We have victims on this site who have attempted suicide, self-harmed, ended up in the hospital and almost all now suffer from some degree of PTSD - which will take years, if ever, to get over. They are NOT drama mamas, over-reacting or 'dwelling' - they are INJURED. Seriously & profoundly psychologically INJURED. And anyone, including therapists or doctors, who tell them to "get on with their lives" and "move on" is re-injuring them!

Telling is a huge step in healing for victims.

This site has changed hands a few times over the years. It's run by more than one person and we will keep this site up for anyone who needs help and needs to tell their story.

Society needs to hold adults ACCOUNTABLE. Of course these predators cry "foul" and start a non-stop smear campaign against the victim. The victim was "scorned; its just revenge; the victim is trying to ruin my life/family; the victim is lying/ making it all up; the victim is over-reacting/ crazy/ a nutjob."

CLICK HERE FOR 'DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY LIED OR TWISTED THE FACTS?'


The rest of you cyberpaths? Your pathology is showing when you minimize, trivialize or spit on the profound damage you have done to your victims and often their families as well!

While EOPC focuses on Adult-on-Adult Cyberpathy - Megan's predator was an ADULT. An ADULT who targeted, seduced, used, lied to & abused and then discarded and smeared her - and pushed Megan to suicide. Lori Drew KNEW Megan was battling ADD, weight issues and depression - but Drew didn't care.

"I've said some pretty mean things online just typing. I never realized how mean it was. Now there's no way I would do that. I would call people out if they said something like that." - Blaine Buckles

Most of our Cyberpaths DON'T CARE! Some examples:

"It was all just a game" Beckstead

"I'm the victim here; poor me" Langley-Guy

"she's crazy... she was stalking me" Dan Jacoby

"If you loved me you'd stand by my lies & fraud" Nathan Ernest Burl Thomas

"They went in with their eyes wide open" (except he coerced them with lies and his victims had NO CLUE what his true agenda was) - Jeff Dunetz/ YidwithLid

"It's all false - my wives & girlfriends set me up. I am going to sue them all, including Dr. Phil!" Ed Hicks (who is still trolling online under various fake names and fake profiles inspite of doing jail time!)

"all women are whores" Brad Dorsky.

A few of our exposed cyberpaths are so self-involved and delusional they firmly believe this site was set up BECAUSE OF THEM - by THEIR VICTIMS - just to HUMILIATE THEM.

There are links on the right to our stories, where to post your Cyberpath on the web and articles & places to get help.

To any Cyberpaths/ Predators who may be reading this - Click here.

EOPC ALSO CALLS FOR NO VIGILANTE JUSTICE - NO HARASSMENT and NO ATTACKING SOMEONE'S PROPERTY.

We are reposting a comment from 2006 we read on one of the many blogs talking about the Megan Meier case for everyone to read. It could be extrapolated and applied to all our victim's cases:
Who is responsible? Everyone is responsible depending upon their ability to influence these events – both before and after. The media was shameful. It was not until the world at large became aware of and outraged by this that anyone local saw fit to take action. Most of that action was cynical damage control. It was window-dressing; more salt in the wound. Predictably, that has enraged the world even more.

All that evil needs to prosper is for good people to do nothing. Evil prospered. It did so, not for a day, a week or even a month. It prospered for more than a year and flourishes still. After that length of time I would say that they 'aided and abetted' this crime by continued failure to act. They aggravate things even further by a studied effort to deny their role in this.

Someone took an action. It caused a death. The local community in question appears to have made ‘littering’ the charge for such cyber-stalking crimes. That is an outrage.

A crime was committed. I am not aware of a single jurisdiction under common law that would not allow a prosecution of some kind for this crime. That the family has had trouble bringing even a civil suit is beyond comprehension. I am sure the larger community will correct that, no matter how hard the local community tries to stop it.

So many entities had some type of duty here. They all failed to do that duty. An adult stalked, SEXUALLY harassed, and drove a child to her death. You heard me right. They stalked her. An adult sexually engaged a child over the Internet. The child subsequently died. The order and temporal proximity of events shows clearly that the child died due to the actions of that adult predator. The perpetrator further harassed the grieving family after the fact. That included making a complaint to the police against the family of the dead child. If this were a movie, it would be hard to swallow the premise it is so outrageous.

I believe that a sense of remorse has an influence on sentencing. When a jury finds this predator guilty, that person’s persistent lack of remorse should inform a sentence sufficiently punitive to act as an effective deterrent. The consensus in the ‘blogosphere’ seems to be that the main perpetrator should go to jail and stay there. I agree. Why allow them to do it again?

What happened here, and then dragged on for so long without a just resolution, did not happen in a vacuum. That entire community sat by and watched this unfold with hardly a whisper of dissent. Arguments about what they could and could not do and what they actually did do only add fuel to the fire. A child is dead. We know who many of the responsible parties are. The most responsible party has admitted at least a portion of their role to the police and there exists a record of this. The entire community is aware of what has happened. Some members of that community have been aware for long enough to prosecute, convict and imprison the main perpetrator. Instead, they did NOTHING. The only official action appears to have been on a complaint AGAINST the grieving family. A child is dead, her family is destroyed and that family has seen NO comfort or redress from their local community. The only penalties extracted from the perpetrators have resulted from the widespread visceral revulsion of the world at large.

This is telling CLICK HERE

As of this writing, the link above allows a search of the St. Charles Chamber of Commerce. You will find them proudly promoting the business of the predator. Search for “Family Savings Magazine” and there they are in all their gory glory. How monstrous is that? Would you do business with members of that Chamber of Commerce? I would not. I wonder what other disgraceful self-serving lies exist on that site?

I am a web professional. I taught networking. I have been a denizen of cyberspace since before the web was born. Friends and family of mine are psychologists and educators in the schools at all levels. I am also the parent of happy healthy young girls approaching the age of the child in question. I have devoted considerable time and had expert help to make our Internet environment a safe one for my kids. I have trained the kids well to protect against such things as happened here. Even MY children could be vulnerable to such a predator. No parent, however well prepared can entirely protect his or her children when a predator attacks. We all have a stake. We must stop these predators on as many fronts as we can.

Of the litany of shameful acts here, perhaps the vilest is the continued vicious assault on the victim and her surviving family. The post-mortem defamation of the murdered child is repulsive. The attempt to make excuses for the predator is shocking. It is inexcusable. Apologists suggest that the parents should have done more. They suggest the child was somehow at fault, or defective. This is false. Any young girl could be vulnerable to such a thing. Any parent, no matter how vigilant, could have been the victim of such an act. By all accounts, the murdered child’s mother did everything in her power to prevent this. She is without blame by any standard of measure. This was a brutal act of sex-related violence on a child. Attempting to minimize or justify this by laying a shred of blame at the feet of the grieving family is disgusting. It is disgusting because it is wrong. It is doubly disgusting because they know it is wrong. It is trebly disgusting that they promote these lies for their own benefit at the expense of the victims. This family has already paid the ultimate price. Every single adult in that entire community should be ashamed that they allow this injustice to continue. Clearly, those blaming the victims are beyond shame. Nothing can redeem them. Perhaps, though, a few others have a sense of shame. They were complicit in making the family no longer able to defend themselves. Will they finally, FINALLY after more than a YEAR, stand and defend this stricken child and her broken family? I will not hold my breath.

What have any of them done to heal this family? It breaks my heart to think of that poor man sitting in his darling daughter’s room alone. I am a father, and I am simply unable to imagine it fully. My mind will not allow itself to go there. Without aid, he will likely come to even further harm. What has the community done about this? All that seems to come from that community is more self-serving excuses. They have not even the human decency to apologize. I challenge the other fathers in that community to reach out and help that grieving father. I challenge the mothers in that community to reach out and help that grieving mother. I challenge clergy, social workers and other ‘helping professions’ to reach out and help heal what is left of that shattered family. I challenge that community to stand up, take care of its own and show a little backbone and dignity to the world outside their doors.

Apologists seem to think that it was to be expected. It was not.
They seem to expect it to happen again. It should not.
They feel no sense that they should even TRY to prevent it in the future. Any future event like this is doubly on their heads.

• Who allows an adult to stalk a child and drive them to their death?
• Who deals with such an event after the fact by attempting to minimize their responsibility?
• Who, when subjected to public scrutiny for such disgrace, attempts to escape by trying to vilify and further injure the victims? We are talking about a dead CHILD here.
• What kind of monster attempts to blame a child for her own murder at the hands of a predatory adult? It is disturbing to see someone attempt to gain a tiny advantage when it comes at a great expense from another.

Surely, there must be SOMEONE with moral courage in that community. If they exist, they should champion real action to right this wrong and prevent it in the future.

Here is a hint: Step number one would be to FINALLY admit that it was wrong and accept your share of responsibility. Most would have been unaware before the fact, in the days, weeks, or even months (!) after the fact. Can anyone in that community claim to be unaware NOW?

Proposing to make a similar thing a misdemeanor insults the memory of this child and shames the community all the more. The sex-related murder of a child is not a misdemeanor. Claiming that they, meantime, cannot prosecute the existing murderer is just smarmy damage control. It does not play well with me. I doubt it plays well with anyone in the rest of the world either. I pray for the sake of that community that it sounds discordant to at least a few of those that reside there.

The people there that are responsible for law enforcement lack the skill and moral rectitude to make this right. They have amply demonstrated that. The community should replace them. They should do so before anyone else gets hurt. These incumbents can do nothing about the sex-related homicide of a child. They are not likely much use for anything else. Get rid of them right now. Whoever was sitting at those desks are plainly not as good as empty desks. Even if you do not replace them, you will be better off.

Precious few in that community seem to have any moral compass. Perhaps they can take a hint from the torrent of outrage in the larger community. What happened was wrong both during and after the fact. It continues to be wrong now. Each day they fail to act takes them further in the wrong direction.

I pray that everyone in that community with a shred of decency will DEMAND that this be resolved respectably and that they will back their demands by action.

The furor will die down, but some have indelibly etched their shame on the memory of the Internet. Anyone with the name of that community attached to their names should be able to point to effective action they have taken to correct this injustice. Otherwise, they will carry this stain with them forever. Making amends at some point is better than doing nothing. However, the longer they continue to deny their part and fail to act, the harder it will be to cleanse them of shame.

Good luck with that.

My heart goes out to that family. What happened to them is the unthinkable. They deserve help and healing. Fortunately, they have an enormous ‘mind-share’ in the world now. They can use it to get aid, even if the local community continues to resist it. Literally millions of people are aware of this now. I can find no credible evidence of anyone in the real world that does not see the mother, father and child here as blameless victims. For their daughter’s memory, I hope that mother and father can find the strength to heal and carry on. It would be the best way to honor their daughter’s memory and keep it alive.

As trite as it sounds, true healing cannot happen without forgiveness. The entire community of perpetrators does not deserve forgiveness. They are beneath it. However, the family deserves the healing they will get by taking the moral high ground ...That goes for thee and me. This is not a call for the mob to descend. It is not a call for revenge. It is a call for justice to aid in the healing. Justice helps us to forgive...

Justice calls for punishment that acts as a deterrent and sends a message. What happened was very wrong. We should acknowledge that with vigor. However, vengeance, per se, is an empty thing. It always does more harm than good. I hope the family will try to turn their hearts away from thoughts of revenge. No action they can take will be mightier than the storm that swirls around the villains now. All of those creepy people were nearly as diminished as creatures could be before this began. The people in that community that turned their backs on the injured family will not likely give comfort to the perpetrators and their supporters. They all began small, went down from there and the world diminished them even further. They are just so many insects now. There is no comfort to get from these miserable creatures. Let justice take its course, if it will. The family should cast attention to healing and honoring the memory of their beautiful child.

The world would be a better place if the people in that community were to make amends through action. That action should show genuine contrition for (to be charitable) a job poorly done. As huge a tidal shift as such a thing is, I sincerely hope that the mother and father can find forgiveness in their heart for one another and heal the rift in their marriage. They will not find more than a decade of shared love and care for their beautiful child with any other partner. They owe themselves and each other a second chance.

Finally, though it might seem that such a thing is beyond the power of prayer, I say a prayer for the mother, the father and the child and I hope anyone reading this will join me in that. Even if you do not believe in the power of prayer, the gesture has meaning

POSTED BY DEEPNORTH at BLUEMERLE

As of this writing, Lori Drew's conviction was overturned and she is free in the community!! If anyone has any more updates - please let us know.


SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN EVIL

Involved With a Sociopath (or Cyberpath)?

Cyberpathy is an expression of Sociopathy and Narcissism -- therefore this article is very pertinent to those who may be, are or ever were involved with a Cyberpath. If you have thoroughly read any of our predator stories -- you will relate to this article! - EOPC

PART I



Is there something wrong with your guy? Does he lie, cheat, steal, commit fraud, use people then discard them, have fits of rage, seem self-centered or have no conscience?

Do you feel like something is wrong with him, but you are not sure what it is? It sometimes seems like his brain just does not work right and he does outrageous things.

Beware! You might be dating a sociopath. What are the warning signs? What should you do?

Sociopaths are sneaky and will worm their way into your life, despite your misgivings from the beginning. Something about this man is not quite right. You can’t put your finger on it, and you hesitate, but you get sucked into him anyway. These men are charming and can put on an act that wins your sympathy and devotion.

• If you have issues of low self-esteem, they instinctively know how to approach you and suck you in.



• If you are lonely and needy you are a big target for the man with a sociopathic personality disorder.

He makes you feel special and important. He convinces you they he has been misunderstood all his life, and you are the only one who understands him now. You feel validated and needed by this man, and he sucks you in deeper and deeper over time.

Your first warning was your gut instinct, and that was the time to run away and leave this relationship behind. Unfortunately, you didn’t, and now you are stuck in the hell that is a relationship with a sociopath. We all need to pay attention to the red flags, warning signs, gut instincts. We can learn to recognize the sociopath and never get sucked into him again.

The words sociopathic, psychopathic, and antisocial personality all mean the same thing and are a true mental illness, a psychosis. The three terms are interchangeable and have only different areas of focus such as socialization or criminal behavior. We will use the word sociopath because it is the most recognizable. Psychopaths are often equated with serial murderers, and antisocial is equated with dysfunction. [But the majority of them are MUCH more subtle!] The sociopath is sometimes charming and usually looks and acts normal enough to fool us. All three terms carry the same meaning: a disorder of the personality.



The most important thing to know is that a sociopath has a brain that does not work right. In fact, he is missing a part of his brain. More specifically, he is missing one of the building blocks of his personality. This is important to understand because it explains the seriousness of this disorder and why it cannot be treated or fixed or cured.

The part of his brain that is missing shapes his conscience, and because it is missing, he does not have one. The sociopath does not feel guilt, remorse or shame like the rest of us feel when we do something bad or wrong. He is not capable of feeling guilt or shame because he is missing that piece of his personality. It also means he does not have the boundaries, restraints on his behavior or impulse control that the rest of us do so he will do things that are outrageous, things that normal personalities would never consider doing.

The bad news for you is that this personality disorder cannot be fixed. You cannot fix him, and he cannot fix himself. No therapy or drug can fix this personality disorder because a part of his brain is missing. With long-term therapy some of the symptoms might be lessened, or the sociopath might learn to live more productively in society, but it cannot be fixed. This is why the most important piece of advice for the person involved with a sociopath is to leave. Get him out of your life. Run, don’t walk, away from him and never, ever go back.

A good comparison, something to help you understand the medical implications of this disorder, is to compare it to a disease of the eye. Diseases and disorders of the eye can be treated, like glaucoma, astigmatism, nearsightedness, etc., with medicine, eyeglasses, or laser surgery. Color blindness, however, can NOT be treated, because the person is missing the color cones and rods in the eye. A doctor cannot fix what is not there to begin with. This is why the sociopath, with a part of his personality missing, cannot be fixed. No doctor or therapist can put back what wasn’t there to begin with, and the sociopath is missing an actual building block of his personality, deep within his brain.

This explains why you sometimes feel like his brain just doesn’t work right. He lies, uses you, manipulates, bleeds you dry, rages, begs forgiveness, and then does it all over again without any guilt, remorse or shame.

Are you the one who is crazy, you ask yourself? No. His brain really does not work right.

Understanding and accepting this fact will help you leave the sociopath and make your life right again with normal men and healthy relationships.

ORIGINAL

READ MORE:
Part 2
Part 3

While this article uses the male gender, your sociopath/ narcissist/ cyberpath may well be female.

Cyberstalker: "You Ruined Her Life"

By Claire Ellicott

An obsessed television producer who stalked his ex-classmate for nearly a decade was jailed yesterday after he sent her an anniversary card marking the sixth year of her restraining order against him.

Sentencing Elliot Fogel, 37, to two years in prison, Judge Ian Darling branded his behaviour ‘sinister and deeply concerning’ and said he was jailing him for the good of the public.

The former Sky Sports news producer Googled Claire Waxman’s name 40,000 times in a year, posed as a prospective parent at her child’s nursery, broke into her car and made hundreds of late-night phone calls to her.

As a result of his nine-year campaign of harassment, Mrs Waxman, 36, a therapist, claims she suffered a miscarriage, developed an eating disorder and had been forced to move home five times. It is the third time Fogel, who the prosecution described as the ‘stalker who will not stop stalking’, has breached his restraining order and the second time he has been jailed to protect the mother-of-two.

In the latest breach, on February 1, 2011, Fogel drove along a road in Willesden, north-west London, where Mrs Waxman regularly parked and slowed down before giving her a ‘sinister’ grin.

Shortly before, he had been called a ‘vexatious’ litigant after bringing a civil case against her which alleged that she had created a hate campaign against him on Facebook. The case was dismissed and Mrs Waxman is suing the Crown Prosecution Service for £5,000 because it failed to prosecute Fogel for bringing legal action against her because it said it would have breached his human rights.

Although Fogel claimed he was using the route as a short cut home from the hearing, the judge said: ‘I’m satisfied that you drove slowly and sinisterly up behind her and when she looked you smiled at her before driving off.’

Judge Darling said Fogel’s ‘compulsive and enduring obsession’ meant that he posed a high risk to the public and there was no option but to give him a custodial sentence.

He told him: ‘You have plagued her life for many years and you have literally ruined it. You have mentally terrorised her over many, many years and her life will never and can never be the same.

‘Your actions have not just affected her, they have also impacted on her family, her children, her wider family and her friends, so widespread and calculating you have been.’

The Inner London Crown Court heard that Fogel allegedly posted a card to Mrs Waxman on January 16 – the sixth anniversary of his restraining order – while he was on bail awaiting sentence for his third breach. Although the card was unsigned, she said the ‘tenor’ and timing convinced her it was from him.

Fogel, of Edgware, north-west London, first developed an unhealthy obsession with Mrs Waxman when the pair were A-level students together at a college in St Albans, Hertfordshire. She demanded he leave her alone and she heard nothing more until she received a dinner invitation from him ten years later in 2003, which she declined.

Later that year, he was seen jogging on the spot outside her home and he began spending more time around her workplace. After his arrest, a police search of his computer revealed he had her wedding photographs as a screensaver and a Google Earth aerial map of her home. It also emerged that he had posed as a prospective parent at the nursery her daughter attended and had also paid for background searches to be carried out on both her husband, Marc, 35, who works in marketing, and her father.

In 2006, Mrs Waxman obtained a restraining order banning him from going near her home, her work or her parents’ address, which he repeatedly breached, even after being jailed for 16 weeks last year.

Yesterday Fogel showed no emotion as he was jailed.

original article here

IF YOU LOVE ONE OF THESE, A BOOK OFFERS HELP

By KRISTIN DIZON

Jerk. Witch. Creep.

You’ve probably used such names to describe a romantic partner gone bad, or maybe a few choice words of the four-letter variety.

But, there’s another name for the ones who are so self-absorbed and self-centered that all of their needs and wants come first: the narcissist.

He’s the boyfriend who begs you to leave your job, family and rent-controlled apartment to move to another state to be with him, only to discover, after moving, that he’s got another girlfriend he failed to tell you about.

She’s the girlfriend who creates a crisis out of every little situation so she can be the perpetual look-at-me center of attention and drama.

It’s the father who chose to play golf instead of help with his young son’s birthday party, despite his wife’s pleas. Then he arrived when the party was almost over, crushing his son’s feelings.

All of these are examples from flesh and blood people in the new book, “Help! I’m in Love With a Narcissist,” by relationship authors Julia Sokol and Steven Carter. (M. Evans and Co., 270 pages).

Previously, they wound up on the best-seller list for “Men Who Can’t Love,” in which they coined the now ubiquitous term, “commitmentphobia.” Now, they’re throwing our self-obsessed, me!, me!, me! approach to relationships under the microscope.

We live in narcissistic times. We observe every move of Paris Hilton and P. Diddy, and lavish attention upon arrogant business moguls like Donald Trump.

Reality is, most of us have some degree of narcissism and self-centeredness. But there's a big difference between garden-variety narcissistic tendencies and toxic narcissism.

Narcissists are often charming, adventurous people who entertain us with their interesting stories and grandiose sense of self. They are often very attentive and appreciative toward their partners for the first month or two, and are skilled at fanning the chemistry.

But, they also know how to demean, criticize and show no empathy for others. They're often controlling and have a needy side that asks frequently: Do you really love me? Will you leave me? Are you like all of the others?

Many have a history of troubled relationships and lots of emotional baggage.

They take, they demand, they expect. In return, they give very little, although many are good at delivering flowery words of love that suck us back in, especially after a fight or ultimatum.

But, how do you know if you're living with a narcissist? The bottom line is that if you're in a relationship that's dominated by the other person's wishes and priorities, without the normal give-and-take and compromise, you very well may be shacking up with a narcissist.

Sokol recently spoke with us from her Rhode Island home about living with and loving narcissists.

Who did you write this book for? And why the need for it?

"We're writing it for everybody who doesn't quite understand why they're getting stuck in the same relationship -- one that revolves around the other person. ... I think it's very widespread. And we also did this book to help readers understand their own narcissistic issues. That will help you understand the choices you make and why you're drawn to a particular type of person. Most of these people who get into these hideous, hideous relationships, one after another, complain that they were bored with other people."

What separates average narcissistic qualities from a true toxic narcissist?

"I guess it's how much pain that person is causing and how unable and completely incapable the toxic narcissist is to feel anything for another person. The narcissist is able to weave this terrific web of fantasy and illusion. It's fulfilling all your fantasies, all your dreams. You've always wanted to feel unique and special and the narcissist is able to make you feel that and that this is a unique and special relationship."

Why do people fall for narcissists?

"I think society places a value on narcissism and narcissistic values. We put an emphasis on the superficial. We put an emphasis on the people who sound as though they know what they're talking about, even when they don't. ... Narcissism forgives an awful lot that in an earlier time would have been considered obnoxious. Modesty is no longer a virtue in this country. Narcissists tend to tell you that they're wonderful and terrific and adorable. ... They tend to know how to sweep people off their feet. They are incredibly seductive. They know what you like to hear."

A lot of folks seem to believe that with enough love and hope and effort, the narcissist in their life can change. What do you think?

"After years of hearing these stories -- and we've heard thousands of them -- they don't ever seem to change."

How does one's upbringing tie into loving a narcissist or becoming one?

"Many people have parents who have all-about-me tendencies -- everything comes back to that person. The child is the audience, the support system, a part of this drama. And then they turn around and find partners who pull us in this way. It comes from our own weak sense of self. ... Some are so spoiled by parents that they turned into narcissists."

Why are narcissists so hard to leave?

"Narcissism is also about feelings of sadness and depression. So the classic narcissistic partner has this 'look-at-me' quality, but also has this 'oh poor me, I really need help.' They draw you in with stories of their sadness and the emptiness and you feel that somehow you can fill this void. And you tell yourself, he really loves me -- even though he's cheating on me every other night of the week."

What's your advice for people to get out of a narcissistic relationship and break the pattern?

"You have to understand what attracts you to this person. You start setting up boundaries that you're not going to let people cross. You really start believing in the things that you say are important. You stop focusing on perfection, you stop worrying about being bored. And you stop feeling that you can solve the other person's problems. ... The minute you feel you're in this kind of relationship or you've had more than one person like this in your life, a little professional help is not going to hurt."

You and Steven Carter coined the term commitmentphobia. Do you think narcissist will become part of the dating lexicon?

"I think it's starting to do that already. And it's about time, too. I think this is the relationship issue of our times. There's nothing to curb people like these. They're in a society that supports it."

KNOW A NARCISSIST?

Here are the signs of narcissism. It takes five or more before you can slap the label on someone:

1. An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance that isn't supported by reality

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of extraordinary success, wealth, power, beauty and love

3. A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special people

4. An intense need for admiration

5. A sense of entitlement

6. A tendency to exploit others without guilt or remorse

7. An absence of meaningful empathy

8. A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she is the object of others' envy

9. An arrogant attitude

SOURCE

South Carolina Man Sentenced for Internet Harassment

James Robert Murphy, 38, of Columbia, South Carolina, was sentenced to 5 years of probation, 500 hours of community service, and more than $12,000 in restitution today for two counts of Use of a Telecommunications Device (the internet) with Intent to Annoy, Abuse, Threaten or Harass.

Murphy was indicted in April 2004, for sending harassing emails to Seattle resident Joelle Ligon and to other employees of the City of Seattle. He pleaded guilty to two counts in June 2004. In sentencing Murphy, U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Zilly told Murphy he "...did not demonstrate the type of remorse he should under the circumstances."

In his plea agreement, Murphy admitted he had a sporadic romantic relationship with Ligon from 1984-1990. In May of 2002, Murphy began sending dozens of uninvited and harassing emails and facsimile (fax) messages to Ligon and her co-workers. Murphy hid his identity with special email programs and created the "Anti Joelle Fan Club" (AJFC) and repeatedly sent threatening emails from this alleged group.

Murphy disseminated false information about Ligon's background to her co-workers. The harassment escalated over time, with Murphy sending pornographic material and making it appear that Ligon was sending the pornographic material to her co-workers at the City of Seattle.

Even after Ligon was able to identify the person harassing her and get a court order barring contact, Murphy violated the order by sending an email denying he was the harasser.

No Remorse From Murphy
In court, Murphy told the Judge what he did was "stupid, hurtful and just plain wrong. I was going though a bad patch in my life. I want to take my lumps and get on with life."

In sentencing Murphy Judge Zilly noted that he was surprised that Murphy "made no effort to indicate your remorse to the victim, to indicate you were sorry." The Judge noted that he had received a letter from Joelle Ligon unlike any he had ever received from a crime victim.

In it Ligon asked the Judge to impose "an effective and compassionate sentence." Judge Zilly decided to impose 500 hours of community service instead of the 160 hours requested by the government. He ordered Murphy to pay $12,297.23 to the City of Seattle to compensate the City for 160 hours of work time lost by employees dealing with the harassment.

Task Force Targets Cyber Crime
This case was investigated by the Northwest Cyber Crime Task Force, composed of the FBI, United States Secret Service, Internal Revenue Service, Seattle Police Department, and Washington State Patrol. The NWCCTF investigates Cyber-related violations including criminal computer intrusions, intellectual property theft, child pornography and internet fraud.

The Task Force brings federal, state and local law enforcement agencies together to share intelligence and conduct joint investigations. Assistant United States Attorney Kathryn A. Warma is prosecuting the case.

IN REVIEW: Predator of The Month - April 2008 - Gareth Rodger

As always, EOPC's comments are in dark blue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His victim tells her story:

Gareth and I met on the internet, through a friend. I had been through a particularly abusive childhood and I had at this time just started sorting through most of my issues with a therapist.

I didn't know at the time I was still damaged but I believed I'd met someone in Gareth who appeared to be the complete opposite of abusive. How wrong I was........

I had just a couple of years previous come out of a marriage with an abusive ex-husband. We had lost a child due to my womb rupturing in the last month of my pregnancy, and I really wanted to make some new friends and gain some confidence back in my life and start moving forward. (Typical - predator gets a woman who's been abused & trying to recover, sweeps in like a 'white knight' and love bombs her when she needs a sympathetic ear... sound familiar?)

Everything was a whirlwind romance to begin with, Gareth paid great attention to me, listened to what i had to say, showered me in compliments, told me I was his soulmate and never left my side. I felt this was what I truly needed after a few years bad luck, I was insecure, unsure, untrusting and looking for my "Mr Right." (We got it - he love bombed you.)
Gareth had books lining his shelves, on Psychology, NLP, Hypnosis, Art Of Seduction, literature and weapons. (red flag - psychopath?) He seemed so intelligent and mastered in the ways of the mind, I felt he could help me confront some of my issues from my past. (He could help himself to her emotionally, physically & spiritually through manipulation, NLP, mind-control & coercion)

He once sent me a picture of him holding a gun to a picture of my head, he said it was a joke. (WARNING!)

After a couple of weeks I started to get to know Gareth more. He still lived with his parents, but was a loner and spent most of his time in his bedroom on the computer. (WARNING!) He asked to meet me to which I agreed to and we had our first date.

The first night of his visit he told me he loved me. (HUGE RED FLAG! First Night?? Readers that rarely happens... believe us these creatures don't know what love is)

Once back home he started to take longer to reply to my emails, or ask me who I had been talking to. He would ask me if I loved only him, then went right back to being aloof once he got the answer. (narcissistic)

I used to ask him questions all the time to which I would only get a "Yep" reply or "Ok" , nothing more than that. However when HE wanted to talk he expected me to answer immediately. (manipulation & NLP)

After a few weeks his parents invited me down to their home. As soon as his parents left for work Gareth asked me to go up to their bedroom, he wanted to have sex on their bed, which I refused to because it was despicable and he had his own bed. (WARNING!) However he wouldnt take no for an answer and decided to leave his own stain on their bed, saying "Well they will see it but they won't know what it is." (PSYCHOPATHIC behavior!)
He also (not with me) went through his mother's lingerie drawers to find sex toys and porn dvds and he watched them when they were not in the house. (his MOTHER'S???)

His parents seemed very different, very reserved to how my family are with each other, they didn't show any signs of affection with each other and spoke in a very "matter of fact way." It was strange , and something almost robotic in their behaviour. (Sociopathic, unemotional parenting?)

Nonetheless I shook this feeling off as "everyone is different." I truly believed they liked me and I wanted to make a good impression, Gareth had not told them I had children from my previous relationship, once they found out however they changed towards me.They didn't want anything to do with me. This caused a lot of stress in his family which was blamed on me. (blame-shifting and guilting the victim? because of their own screwed up ethics and morals?)

His mother used to scream at him and get down on her knees, hysterically crying, grabbing his legs and begging him not to go see me. This was a daily occurrence. She threatened to leave Gareth's father if he took one step out the door to come down in the car to visit me. (Wonder if she'd done that with any other of Gareth's girlfriends? Sounds like Gareth's mom is pathological! And if Gareth had any sense he'd have gotten out a long time before!)

His mother did in fact pack a bag and leave and stayed a few nights at a hotel. Gareth had to go running back to his family to sort it all out. His mother spent the entire weekend screaming and throwing out things of mine I had left there in Gareth's care. (Pathological family... and the victim's just come out of an abusive marriage so she doesn't see this drama for the massive red flag it was!)

Every week his mother would throw a massive tantrum and stress Gareth out even more. I telephoned her once as she wanted to speak to me. She made me feel guilty and said to me "If you and my son stay together you will be tearing a family apart, do you want that?" I told her "You cannot manipulate your son" she said very flatly "I can and I will!" she then hung up on me. (Mom just said it all, didn't she? And in turn, her son will now manipulate this victim.)

Gareth was due to come and see me one weekend, so I called that very morning to see what time he was coming over and found out he had gone on a holiday trip 200 miles away with his grandparents.

I was so shocked and hurt. I spent the next few weeks completely stressed out and anxious. Because of the loss of my third child with my abusive ex- husband I was very concerned about this pregnancy and knew stress could aggravate my condition.

I was so worried about this baby and spent so much of the pregnancy in denial and stress which wasnt good for my children or me. I was concentrating so much on Gareth that I ignored my children most of the time because he would send such mixed signals, and do the Pull me - push me action daily. (passive-aggressive behaviors of a pathological!)

I went into early labour a few weeks later as my womb ruptured again and the baby was born. She was in an incubator for 5 weeks trying to get strong. I would spend all my nights and days by her bedside willing her to live and praying to God. I spent hours by her side. Andy phoned me at the hospital and instead of asking me how our baby was -- he wanted to know who I had spoken to on the computer. Gareth accused me of going off with another man. (Typical - trying to blame-shift & project as HE probably had another victim on HIS string by then) I was so confused at this point, so many things were going through my mind, like: "why is he asking all these stupid questions," "what about the baby," "how is my tummy healing after the c-section," ... and all he wanted to talk about was what I had done to him. How I hurt him by talking to a friend online which had been a week before i went into labour. (me me me me me me me me! And why would he care if he'd ended the relationship?)

I had to beg him to come over and see us. I apologised for 2 hours on the phone profusely. I was in a wheelchair outside apologising instead of being upstairs with our baby which I should of been doing. Gareth said "well, I'll think about it. Youve hurt me so much by talking to this man and I know you would of done something with him if i hadnt of phoned you. You would of gone home and been intimate with this man." (Again, putting his victim on the defensive when he didn't want a relationship or the baby. Mind-f**king manipulation)

After 2 hours of me begging him and apologising for something I hadn't even done (Cyberpaths/ pathologicals love putting their victims in the defensive position) and assuring him this "friend" meant nothing to me, Gareth said he would drive over the next morning.

When he went to see our baby he just stood there and stared at her. There was no emotion there whatsoever. I begged him to put his hand in and touch her hand, but he just wouldn't do it. He kept his distance and saw her only a few times and not for very long. (because everything and everyone is an OBJECT to him. He's more comfortable either having sex or online because he can OBJECTIFY everything & everyone)

The first night he was there, Gareth and I were given a room in the hospital to stay in near to where the baby was sleeping. I was so sore from the C-Section as I had a lot of extensive surgery done on my ruptured womb. Gareth knew I was in pain but insisted we be intimate. (all about him, all about using sex to get back in control of his victim... no matter how much pain she was in physically or emotionally)

I asked him if he would consider moving in together so we could raise our baby. Gareth said he would have to think about it. I was elated and excited and I really thought things would work out. (Magical thinking - Predator's got her mind so twisted she can't even see the manipulation for what it is)

Gareth went back to University and came over in the fifth week after I'd had the baby. I asked him again if he had thought about moving in, and he said I should stop asking him as "it was getitng on his nerves and stressing him out." Gareth said he was still thinking about it. (He had no intention of helping her or moving in. Just wanted to play games and get sex out of her.) He just made me more stressed out as I didn't know where the children or I stood. (Way off balance - just the way he wanted it!)

We were just going out the door of our room the next morning when we saw the nurse running towards us telling us to come quickly. The baby had died. I rushed to the baby unit and fell on the floor crying. Through my tears I looked up at Gareth's face, and it is something I'll never forget. He had no emotion, just a blank stare. (psychopath - the snake like, empty-soul stare, Reptilian Gaze)

An hour later that same day after I spent some time washing and dressing the baby so the coroner could come and collect her, Gareth came to me and said "I'll move in with you." (Wow! What timing. No baby so now he'll move in??)

At this time I was so upset but I had hope too, because we could be together and get through this terrible time together. (yeah right... he wasn't done sucking her dry emotionally or using her sexually!)

Two weeks before the funeral his mom and dad, who still didn't know their son was moving in with me, called him as they knew he was staying with me. They told him they were going on a family holiday to Hawaii. They said if he didn't go he would upset them and his brother.

Gareth told me he was going to go on the 3 week holiday , said he needed the time to get emotionally sorted as the death of the baby had broken him and he wanted to be with his parents so he could have some support. He said he didn't know if he would make it back in time for the funeral but he would try. (OMG! What a cold-blooded snake!)

Just to point out, I saw Gareth cry only ONCE over the baby. I think he was crying more over himself than for his daughter. (He was crying over himself - and even then it was crocodile tears)

I cried and begged him not to go as I knew he would miss the funeral and I so needed his support and love to get me through this, and I thought he would need my love and support too. (He was incapable of loving anything. He's barely human that he would even THINK of going with his parents. But since the victim's just an object to him and he was only using her for sex and an "emotional blood source" he had no problems just doing what HE wanted to do.)

In the end I had to put the funeral forward another few weeks so he could make it. (The victim changes a child's FUNERAL so the father could GO ON VACATION? Sick sick sick. And she's so messed up by his b.s. she can't even see what he's done isn't normal!)

He phoned me collect call from Hawaii, sent me photos, emails telling me what wonderful time he was having, how beautiful it was and how life was great. (MASSIVE RED FLAG - how hurtful and disgusting!) He didn't mention the baby at all nor did he sound upset. He told me he had thought about things so much on vacation and decided that he wanted to live with me 100%. (Why not, he's got the victim so messed up she's begging to have him around when he's treating her like complete crap) Gareth then told his parents who again went into a red rage and threatened to cut him off financially.

I had to pay over $1000 for the collect calls from Hawaii and my mother had to pay the phone bill for me as I couldn't afford it and would be cut off. (user!!)
When he got home from the vacation we spent a few nights talking, however he kept putting off the day he was to come back to my house and we could start our lives together. He made all sorts of excuses as to why he had to stay a few extra days.

MORE TO COME!! WHAT A SICKO!! Wonder how many other girlfriends he had online & off during all this? - EOPC