Online Players, Internet Predators, Cyberpaths, Dating Site Frauds, Cyberstalkers... whatever you call them - they need to be EXPOSED! Did they take your heart? your trust? Harass you? Tell your story... Share ideas for dealing with them... ('FAIR USE LAW' APPLIES TO ALL ARTICLES)
UPDATE
AS OF JANUARY 1, 2013 - POSTING ON THIS BLOG WILL NO LONGER BE 'DAILY'. SWITCHING TO 'OCCASIONAL' POSTING.
Woman Says Her Name, Number Posted Online Inviting Sex
That’s what a woman said happened after she ended a relationship a month ago.
She said her former husband sent her a text message telling her to check out Craigslist. When she did, she found her name, address and phone number on the Internet site, inviting people to drop by her home for sex.
So many people responded that she was forced to change her phone number, leave her home and now she is seeking a permanent restraining order against the 44-year-old man.
KMBC's Bev Chapman reported that people who use Craigslist know that it's a place to buy, sell, trade and meet people. For this woman, it's apparently a vehicle for revenge.
"I think it's insane," she said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind over the whole deal. I'm not safe. I'm constantly looking around."
The woman, who did not want her identity revealed, said that she just learned of the posting last weekend. Her ex-husband's post was under the Kansas City list page, in the column for personals, in the casual encounters section.
The posting was crude and explicit. It described her as fit, disease and drug-free.
"Within 45 minutes, I had 17 to 18 texts and phone calls," she said. One man even showed up at her home while a police car was parked in the driveway.
This was not the first incident with her ex-husband in the more than five years since their divorce. The couple reunited for three months last year, and ended it again a month ago.
"He goes through cycles," she said. "He loves me, he hates me."
The post was removed from Craigslist. The site's operators sent a message that said they believed the post was clearly harassment.
A spokeswoman for the Jackson County Prosecutor's office said they have seen a few cases of Internet harassment, but they can do nothing for the woman without a police report.
Our exposed predators: Dan Jacoby, Jeff Dunetz, aka YIDWITHLID, and others - did this SAME THING to their victims. Glad to see this woman's police department is taking this seriously. Many don't. - EOPC
So you’re single again and the concept of Internet dating seems new and exciting! Upon your first glimpse, you feel like a kid in a candy store! New partners by the hundreds! People just like you – divorced, or otherwise broken relationships, hurt feelings, wounded souls – just looking to be loved by someone like YOU! Right??
Well,beware. Just as you need to be careful when you meet people in the bar scene, the Internet is chock full of predators as well. However, there are lots of "Red Flags" to look for to protect yourself, IF you know how to read the signs.
I’m tempted to write a book just on Internet dating "smarts." You know – things like what to say and not to say to appear to be kind, generous, and all those things that make the writer appear to be a perfect catch. And yet, how would the unsuspecting know then? The red flags would all be hidden and booby traps would be walked into by unsuspecting victims by the score!
Naw – I think it’s best to warn you – the recipient, what to look for and let the narcissistic Don Juan’s (or their female counterparts) show their true colors for what they are!
Here are a few actual statements from profiles of men currently on the Internet dating scene …
"I’m one of those individuals that is looking for a attractive, well kept, female…"
On his description of himself, he claims to be "very attractive."(Big red flag!) Hmmmm… has he looked in the mirror lately? Balding, slightly overweight, posed in three pictures on his Harley need I say more?
"Seeking smart, funny, sexy, balanced, introspective, well read, credible, flexible, independent, complete woman with a fine ass. If her ass is other than fine, I’ll guess we’ll have to focus on her brains and personality. If you’re not smiling right now, then my sense of humor either didn’t translate or you’ll not think me charming."
Was that supposed to be cute and endear him to me? I’ll pass…
Then of course, there are the guys who list their income, ($100,000 -$200,000!) and absolutely nothing else about themselves! Guess they figure that with their money they can get anyone they want.If you fall for that, it’s important to realize up front that money is the only thing important to them. There will not be depth of character, an interesting, empathetic personality, an interest in YOU.
"I dress my women in the finest clothes." (MY WOMEN?!)
This actual statement came from the same $200,000 income gentleman who sent me this quick email that said, "Meet me at Jake’s Bar tomorrow night at 7. You won’t be disappointed!" That’s it. No info on him except about his money and how he "dressed HIS women in the finest clothes."
Hmmmmm… when I opened up his photos, there he was with a woman who looked just like me! Talk about CREEPY!
I wrote him back and said "No thank you," that I didn’t think our profiles showed much in common. He wrote back livid … "What? You’re refusing to meet with me?" In essence … his ego screamed back over email, (never a pretty site) and I blocked any further communication with this demigod with all his money and fine clothes!
Another man (age 64), "winked" at me (I’m 48) to show me that he was interested. I guess he thought he was saving himself time and trouble with a bio that said something like this:
"I have retired here in Texas where it is warm and I can spend lots of time on my boat. Seeking a wonderful, attractive, intelligent woman companion to do the same with me. No fatties please."
NO FATTIES, PLEASE?!
Does he think that only overweight women will then leave him alone? Is he so blind not to understand that ANY woman with a brain will see that and say "What a jerk!"
Then of course, there are those mid life crisis statements that send me running the other way… Things like "Seeking someone age 25 – 35" when they themselves are 45 or beyond. (What, do they want to date their daughter? Will she even know what he’s talking about when he mentions the Kennedy asassination?) Or even weirder, the guy is age 45 but he’s looking for someone up to age 44. Now what’s up with that?
Of course, the other side of that is someone who is middle aged but has to be sure to tell readers in the first paragraph that "I look and act much younger than my age." PLEEAAASSEEEE!!!
Of course, if you do meet with one that seems like Mr. (or Ms.) Right, don’t be surprised if the person who arrives for your date looks 10 or 15 years older than the person in the photos … posting pics from the "younger years" seems to be a common behavior as well!
If someone seems too good to be true … they probably are!
Spying on lover's e-mail? Monitoring may be illegal Austin police have charged two recently with activity.
By Tony Plohetski
Shawn Macleod wanted to know where his estranged wife was going on the Internet and what she was writing in e-mails, investigators said, so he secretly installed a program called SpyRecon on her computer that sent him electronic logs with the sites she had visited and messages she had sent.
His spying resulted in a four-year prison sentence.
Software programs created to monitor computer activity have grown in popularity in recent years as parents have sought ways to prevent children from accessing adult Web sites or e-mailing possible predators and as businesses have tried to curtail the time employees spend on the Internet when they are at work.
Others, too, have found a use for the software: Scorned lovers can track where their spouses or partners go online, whom they are e-mailing and what they are saying — all possibly in violation of the law.
Austin police considered Macleod's actions tantamount to illegal wiretapping and charged him with unlawful interception of electronic communication, a second-degree felony that can carry a 20-year sentence. Macleod pleaded guilty in May.
"It's pretty alarming," said Macleod's attorney, Johnny Urrutia.
Urrutia said he would be surprised if his client knew that what he was doing was against the law.
Doug Fowler, president of SpectorSoft Corp., which manufactures an Internet monitoring program called eBlaster, said law enforcement agencies nationwide have in recent months sought company records during criminal investigations, hoping the documents would show who installed the software on victims' computers.
In New York this year, a sheriff's deputy was found guilty of eavesdropping after investigators said he spied on the computer activity of a neighbor he thought posed a threat to young girls in their neighborhood.
The deputy was sentenced to five years of probation.
In California, a man was indicted on federal charges in 2005, accused of manufacturing, advertising and sending a program called Lovespy.
In that case, victims received an electronic greeting card that, when opened, would record e-mail messages and the Web sites they visited.
Austin police in recent months have charged two men, including Macleod, with the crime. The second case, filed last month, is pending.
Detective Darin Webster, who works in the department's high-tech crime division, said investigators also have looked into several other cases that didn't result in charges because the evidence had been destroyed or they couldn't conclusively determine who had installed the spyware.
"The problem itself isn't the software," Webster said. "The problem is how the software is being used. ... And in the cases I've seen, there are warnings on there that it may be against the law. In Texas, it is."
State law says it is illegal to intentionally intercept spoken or electronic communication.
The law grants some exceptions, such as to switchboard operators who might hear part of a conversation while doing their job.
The law doesn't address certain questions about computer spyware, such as whether it is legal to install the equipment on a jointly owned computer without the consent of the second owner.
Employers typically have workers sign waivers acknowledging that they know the company computers are monitored.
Parents, as guardians of their minor children, are allowed to monitor their children's activities.
According to court records, Macleod's estranged wife, Kristy, reported to police in August 2005 that she suspected he was monitoring her computer use.
A detective using a fake name sent Kristy Macleod an e-mail offering to buy the couple's pool table.
A few days later, Shawn Macleod confronted Kristy Macleod about the e-mail, according to a probable cause affidavit.
Detectives searched the computer and found SpyRecon software on it, according to the affidavit.
Kristy Macleod could not be reached for comment. Company officials for SpyRecon did not respond to an interview request.
In an online advertisement, the company asks, "Have you ever needed to secretly read the e-mail of your child or spouse?"
In the second case Austin police filed, investigators said Alexis Lugo, 29, installed eBlaster software on his ex-girlfriend's computer.
An affidavit in that case said Kara Winebright called Austin police and reported that she thought Lugo had hacked into her computer and changed the password on some of her accounts.
Winebright said she had broken up with Lugo and later had discovered some unusual activity on her account with eHarmony, a dating Web site. She checked her other online accounts and found similar problems.
Police searched her computer and found the eBlaster software.
Ordinary anti-spy software might not detect such programs, but checking to see which programs and files have been downloaded to hard drives should reveal them, said Fowler, the manufacturer of eBlaster.
Fowler said his company intended for the software to be used only by parents or businesses, not by spying spouses or partners. The company marketed the product that way several years ago but stopped, he said.
"We ultimately decided that it wasn't a market we wanted to participate in," Fowler said. "There are certainly those who buy the software for this kind of thing. But we don't encourage it."
(UNITED KINGDOM) A new social networking tool allows mobile phone users to identify people just by taking a photo.
The 'recogniser' application gives any mobile phone owner access to almost all online information about anyone they photograph.
IT expert Charlie Brown has expressed concerns about the application, saying it's a walk up start for stalkers and could see an increase in identity theft cases.
'You can pretty much know everything about (a person) that is listed on the internet within about 30 seconds,' he said.
Facebook and Twitter accounts and business cards become available when recogniser matches an image of someone's face online.
Software developer Dan Garden says there is a lot of ways to use the application sensibly.
'During a party, you might want to figure out some more information about the person standing across the room from you.'
Police and government agencies use a similar device to identify criminals.
The application could be on mobile phones around the world by September 2010.
Online gratification can become just as harmful to a relationship as physical betrayalBY MELENA Z. RYZIK Remember Britain's uproar over soccer star David Beckham, who allegedly carried on an affair and sent sexy text messages to his lover.
When the Internet became popular in the early 1990s, it was hailed as a technological breakthrough. A decade later, easy access on the World Wide Web to images and information is causing an unprecedented number of breakups.
After all, titillating material is more available and visible than ever before. And whether it's online porn or Internet-enabled flings, a lot of relationships are feeling the strain. Therapists, sociologists and even lawyers are waking up to the fact that online affairs and flirtations play as real a role in splitting up couples as offline romances do."Infidelity on the Internet is as devastating as infidelity offline," says Rona Subotnik, a marriage and family therapist and the author, with Dr. Marlene Maheu, of "Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal" (Sourcebooks, 2001).
"I think the Internet has been the single most significant factor in the accelerating divorce trend," says Robert Stephan Cohen, a top Manhattan-based divorce lawyer and author of "Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer."
"It's amazing how many people come in here and say the Internet has been a source of things that go awry," he adds.
In a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 62% of the respondents said that the Internet had played a "significant role" in the divorces they had handled in the previous year; 68% of those cases, a spouse had met a new love interest online, and 56% showed an obsessive interest in online porn.
Almost 80% of the lawyers surveyed said that incriminatory E-mails had been used as evidence in divorce proceedings.
With a few clicks and for little or no money, the Internet provides lots of anonymous temptations - and instant gratification. In the Internet age, being faithful is suddenly a lot more complex.
Like crack for sex addictsOnline porn is what nearly broke up Betsey's marriage of 20 years. (To protect sources' identities, all names and some identifying details have been changed.)
"My husband became hooked on Internet pornography as soon as he discovered it, about eight or nine years ago at work," the fiftysomething retired engineer and mother wrote in an E-mail. "He has an addiction - he is ashamed and secretive about his behavior; he is unable to stop regardless of the consequences to himself or anyone else. When he is in his addiction, his personality changes for the worse."
"The Internet is like crack cocaine for sex addicts,"says a spokesman for Sexaholics Anonymous (who preferred to remain anonymous himself).
But even casual browsers can get hooked.
"They're are what we call the at-risk population," says Maheu. "They otherwise would not go out of their way to look into pornography because it would involve more forethought and planning. But when you're sitting at your computer alone at night, it's just a few clicks away."
Maheu estimates that as much as a quarter of the population falls into this easily targeted group, which runs the gamut from people who are mildly bored or curious to those dissatisfied with their relationships or generally depressed. "They don't have to use a lot of energy," she says. "They seek outlets that won't cause ripples in their work or home life."
Betsey's husband was always more than a casual user; he told her that he had "a problem" with pornography when they started dating. But the Internet made his problem worse.
"Internet porn is so there, just a keystroke away - at home, at work, anywhere," she wrote. And through pop-ups, cookies and spam, "once a person has gone to one of those sites, the porn pursues him."
Indeed, the number of adult Internet sites has ballooned in the last four years, expanding 17 times to encompass nearly 1.6 million sites, according to research by software firm Websense. Industry analyst Nielsen/NetRatings estimated that 34 million people - or one in four Internet users - visited one of those sites last year.
False intimacy Digital smut is not the only trigger for relationship trouble. Online communication in general can create a false sense of intimacy, says Subotnik.
"There is a feeling that these are the only two people in the world connecting with each other. People will type things that they wouldn't say, and it happens much more quickly" than in real life.
"I have probably chatted with at least 500 women in some sort of mutual sexual way," says Harold, a 29-year-old Manhattan man in a serious relationship who still enjoys flirting online.Though Harold admits he has "almost had relationships end because of it," he also claims to have started relationships through "either randomly [instant messaging] people in chat rooms or making sexual overtures to women I have had previous sexual relationships with or crushes on in the past." Is flirting on the Net cheating? Only if your partner doesn't know you do it, insists Harold.
Finding out that a partner is involved in a virtual relationship can be just as traumatizing as actually finding him or her in bed with another person. "It's an emotional type of cheating," says Maheu.
"Online relationships have a profound impact on our emotional experience," Israeli philosophy professor Aaron Ben-Ze'ev writes in "Love Online: Emotions on the Internet" (Cambridge University Press, 2004). "Online relationships usually involve greater intimacy and emotional intensity." Harold says his girlfriends find his habit "a minor annoyance," but not every partner is so understanding. Time online=time apartGeorge, a married man in his 30s who lives outside New York, first turned to the Internet to research a condition he has called "gender dysphoria," in which a person feels he or she was born in the wrong gender. George lost his job and spent more and more time on the computer, becoming what he calls "obsessed."
"You invest yourself into this thing that has nothing to do with your spouse, when really you should be investing yourself into your marriage," he says. "It saps your emotional energy and takes you away.
"If you think of television of being addictive in a passive way," he adds, "the Internet is addictive in an active way."Surfing the Net is a double whammy: There's potential for betrayal in both the content and in the diverted attention.
"The prospect of something newer and 'better' can turn any computer search into a time sink," writes Betsey. "For the porn addict, always in pursuit of more and different, minutes can become hours can become days."(A recent study classified people who spent 11 hours or more a week online looking at porn as sexual addicts.) "Spouses say, 'I feel like you're not here with me,'" says Maheu. The absenteeism - whether literal or emotional - is often the first sign of a deeper problem.
"I was spending a couple of hours every other night online," says George, who's now going through a divorce. He wasn't hiding his being online from his wife, only the content, but the time spent apart "contributed to our disconnect," he says.
"I didn't have my eye on the relationship."
Problems in the sack?If spending too much time online can cause an emotional disconnect, physical breakdowns may not be too far behind.
Paul, a twentysomething club promoter in Manhattan, calls himself "a wild and crazy guy" who has no trouble getting dates. Still, he likes going online for sexual gratification.
"It's such a liberating feeling," he says. "I can be totally selfish."
Stephen, a Brooklyn 30-year-old in a long-term relationship, argues that online gratification may make it easier for couples to stay faithful. He even believes it takes some sexual pressure off women.
But do the idealized women pictured online sour his expectations of his real-life sweetie?
Stephen shakes his head.
"It's like saying Bugs Bunny is going to change my expectations of the government."
When cybersex is safe Maheu agrees that exploring sexual needs online isn't always a bad idea, but says couples have to agree about what is and isn't off-limits.
"When you talk about your relationship, you really ought to be going down the list and saying, 'Okay, what about lap dances?' 'What about looking at pornography - alone or together?'" she says. "You as a couple have to talk about it and make an agreement, and if you violate that agreement, then it's cheating."
For Betsey, dealing with her husband's addiction has been a long process; his betrayal affected her profoundly. "I doubted my own attractiveness. I doubted my own adequacy as a woman and a lover," she writes.
Her husband entered Sex Addicts Anonymous. Betsey also received counseling through a 12-step group, which helped her come to terms with his problem.
"I have experienced emotional intimacy with him when he has been able to maintain his sobriety, and I have totally fallen in love with him at those times," she writes. "I can see that he is committed to his recovery, and I can see that he is making progress."
George, meanwhile, is grateful that the information he found online led him to a better understanding of his own gender dysphoria.
"I'm sorry that my marriage was the price I had to pay, but without the Internet I could never have found a way to start dealing with this whole issue," he says. "That was the first step in accepting it for myself."
And an excerpt from a recent article along the same legal lines:
"Obviously, the men (or women) have the option of attempting to sue the person who post information about them, if they can figure out who they are. No one yet has been able to unmask a poster or sue an exposure website successfully. (as of this writing) "(Of course the women can then countersue for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS and ALIENATION OF AFFECTION (if married and allowed in their state.). Since many women develop permanent PTSD [Emotional Rape Syndrome] adrenal fatigue and severe depression from Cyberpaths - these women's claims may be easier to prove.)
--------------------------------------------
If the Postings are False, Are They Defamatory?
....Moreover, "substantial truth" - truth in substance, but not in the details -- is a full defense to a defamation claim. So any man who is contesting a claim of infidelity, probably should never have been unfaithful.
The truth is a 100% defense to defamation. Those who post it can not be sued for "defamation" if they are simply reporting information. They are then covered by 'citizen journalist' rights. However, you can be sued for inciting others to harass someone, twisting facts, accusing, posting someone's address, phone or other private information online.
(EOPC's legal release requires the victim(s) to take FULL, 100% responsible for their posts and what is said. Additionally, they must hold EOPC harmless and those posted can only try to take action against the poster, not us. We are reporting and giving opinion only. EOPC can't adjudicate. We absolutely do not get involved with any of these cases (example: contacting employers, etc.) We can't diagnose or take legal action against anyone for their posts. We REQUIRE posters sign and verify they are telling the truth and leave the burden of proof to them. Many cyberpaths try to get around this by guessing who we are and then harassing who they think is us. We are still here. This is absolutely the same for other exposure sites as well. EOPC merely provides a platform and is held harmless.)
"...The owner of DontDateHimGirlwho was threatened with a lawsuit, later sued and the court threw out the suit completely says:
"Most of them say that the [person] who posted [the profile] is crazy, that something is wrong with [the poster/target], that they're saints."
and
"If someone posted my picture/profile in a database and I learned of it but it wasn't true, then I probably wouldn't waste my time even rebutting it. Why? Because if I'm innocent, then the burden is not on me to prove such, at least not under American jurisprudence — legal or moral. And I don't use and abuse people online or off - so I am not afraid of scrutiny.
In short - its a catharsis the victims won't get anywhere else. What are the victims of these men and women to do with their anger, pain and hurt? Suck it up and allow the abuser to move on to another victim? Tell or not tell his spouse, partner or family? Stew in their feelings?"
and
"A former U.S. attorney Scott Christie was quoted in the New Jersey Star Ledger,
"Yes, it's all legal. If I were the owners of (such a) site, I wouldn't be concerned. They're providing an outlet for people to express their opinion.
It's much like hosting a bulletin board for people with a common interest,. People are giving their opinion about other people - they're entitled to it under the First Amendment."
And this from Canada.com:
According to a privacy lawyer from Halifax, (snip)
"If the person's reputation is in Canada, and they are in Canada, and likely the person who posted the information is in Canada, there's more than enough connection for Canadian defamation law to apply," says David T.S. Fraser, chair of the privacy practice group at McInnes Cooper. BUT he hastens to add the statements aren't considered defamatory if they're true.
"If you're a slug," says Mr. Fraser, "it's only appropriate people know you're a slug."
A Cyberpath/ Narcissist is like a vampire who drains the emotional and even physical energy out of those close to him. He identifies and cultivates his prey, using them as a source of supply to feed his never-ending egotistical needs.
Should his source not be good enough, he will dump it and can cut people off in an instant without a second thought. If he believes that the source has potential to be a good one, he will however nurture it and cultivate it carefully. This is where his charming mask comes into play.
Everyone is a source of supply to him and he cultivates this in everyone that he encounters and deals with. Those closest to him are however given the special honour of being his greatest source of narcissistic supply and will be severely punished if they falter at all.
From his family in particular the cyberpath/ narcissist demands unquestioning obedience, unwavering belief in him, complete subjugation to his whims and needs and perpetual attention.
There is another aspect to this however. The cyberpath/ narcissist does not only feed off adoration and gratitude, but on negative emotion as well. You are his mirror and as long as you are reflecting (reacting), his needs are being fed.
Often he will go out of his way to provoke a negative reaction purely so that he can get some sort of "power feed".
Remember that the mirror he is looking into is not made of glass, but of water. It is constantly moving and rippling. It is vibrant and alive. This activity seems to be a key factor for the cyberpath/ narcissist, as if it in itself validates him and makes him more real and less illusion.
When the waters get too calm and there is not enough movement, he will toss a pebble in and create some ripples just to get things going again. It gives him an enormous sense of power to know that he can so easily evoke reactions in his victims.
Even after he's been exposed he loves pushing his "false version" of events just to upset his victim.
It often seems as if the cyberpath/ narcissist is just plain bored when there isn't some drama around to feed him and, when all else fails, he will whip up a quick batch out of nothing. He will provoke you, taunt you, beat you, berate you - whatever it takes. Once you have given him sufficient response, he will finally sit back satisfied, in the same way that you or I may sit back in mellow pleasure after a good meal.
This is exactly what his dramas are to him. A good meal.
In this same vein, cyberpath/ narcissists love a good accident, a good disaster or a really juicy crisis. It doesn't matter whether it involves them or not. As long as they know about it they will make it about themselves in one way or another, wringing out of it every drop of sympathy or admiration that they possibly can.
They also love success stories, especially their own. They in fact have hundreds of success stories at hand with which to impress and win admiration. It may not be their story, but that's beside the point. Somehow they will make it theirs and if it actually belongs to someone close to them, you can be sure that they are the sole reason for that person's success.
An extremely difficult issue to come to terms with when you discover that your Cyberpath is a narcissist, is the awful, gut-wrenching realisation that this person has never loved you. They do not love, period. The only concept of love that they possess is the realization that it matters to the rest of us and it is therefore something that they can use. A weapon in their well-stocked arsenal.
To the abuser you are no more than an object for self-gratification. Like a desk or a chair. Sex with you is merely sex with a 'blow-up doll with a pulse.' You have no individual identity, which is why they get so enraged when you act as if you do. Your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors are meant to exist and be employed for one purpose only - to make the narcissist look good and feel satisfied.
This is why he is so hell-bent on controlling every aspect of you and your life. - In his view of the world, it all belongs to him.
He is a demi-god. He believes that he can destroy you. This creative power of his applies to every aspect of everyone in his life. Without him you would be nothing and it frustrates him enormously when you refuse to realize this and grovel in gratitude that he even bothered to pay attention to you.
If you have a narcissistic Cyberpath in your life, please come to terms with the fact that you are not going to change him or her. The potential that you are clinging to is an illusion, the nice guy that you sometimes see is a manipulative mask, the dream of happy ever after is a pipe dream and the concept of love overcoming all is delusional. For love to have power, it has to exist in the first place. With a Cyberpath it doesn't and there is about a 99.9% chance that it never will.
If you think that your love for them can overcome on its own, you are engaged in magical thinking. These people are unreachable because they choose to be and it is a choice that nothing you do or feel can ever change. Probably the most important thing to remember with a Cyberpath is that you will never win. They are beyond being rational, they do not listen to anyone else unless it is about them and when they do catch the odd thing that you have said they will normally distort it and use it against you at some stage.
Never ever show any weakness with them because they will store it away - for a lifetime if necessary - and use it against you (or someone else) some day. They go for the jugular because that is the quickest access point to maximum blood and this is exactly what they are after - your very life blood.
(though this article was written in the masculine, your Cyberpath may be female.)
Site’s
hackers claim 37m personal records have been stolen from notorious
dating site, with Cougar Life and Established Men also compromised
The Ashley Madison website.
Photograph: Screengrab
by Alex Hern
Hackers have stolen and leaked personal information from online cheating site Ashley Madison, an international dating site with the tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.”
The site, which encourages married users to cheat on their spouses
and advertises 37 million members, had its data hacked by a group
calling itself the Impact Team. At least two other dating sites, Cougar
Life and Established Men, also owned by the same parent group, Avid Life
Media, have had their data compromised.
The Impact Team claims to have complete access to the company’s
database, including not only user records for every single member, but
also the financial records of ALM and other proprietary information. For
now, the group has released just 40MB of data, including credit card
details and several ALM documents.
According to the information security journalist Brian Krebs, who broke the news,
ALM has confirmed that the hacked material is genuine, and the company
is working to remove from the net the material that has already been
posted. But the initial leak is just a taster, according to the Impact
Team, which accompanied the data with a manifesto threatening release of
further information if Ashley Madison and Established Men are not
permanently closed.
“Avid Life Media has been instructed to take Ashley Madison and
Established Men offline permanently in all forms, or we will release all
customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret
sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and
addresses, and employee documents and emails. The other websites may
stay online,” the group’s statement reads.
The hackers’ main point of contention is with the fact that Ashley Madison charges users a fee of £15
to carry out a “full delete” of their information if they decide to
leave the site. Although users have the option of permanently hiding
their profile free of charge, the company’s advertisements claim that
the full delete service is the only way to completely remove their
information from the servers.
But the hackers say that that claim is “a complete lie”.
“Users almost always pay with credit card; their purchase details are
not removed as promised, and include real name and address, which is of
course the most important information the users want removed,” they
allege.
ALM believes it has identified the perpetrator of the hack, which it
says was likely an inside job. “We’re on the doorstep of [confirming]
who we believe is the culprit, and unfortunately that may have triggered
this mass publication,” the company’s chief executive, Noel Biderman,
told Krebs. “I’ve got their profile right in front of me, all their work
credentials. It was definitely a person here that was not an employee
but certainly had touched our technical services.”
The data dump seems to back-up that theory to a certain extent,
specifically apologising to the company’s director of security. “You did
everything you could, but nothing you could have done could have
stopped this,” the manifesto reads.
In a statement, ALM said: “We apologise for this unprovoked and
criminal intrusion into our customers’ information. The current business
world has proven to be one in which no company’s online assets are safe
from cyber-vandalism, with Avid Life Media being only the latest among
many companies to have been attacked, despite investing in the latest
privacy and security technologies.
“At this time, we have been able to secure our sites, and close the
unauthorised access points. We are working with law enforcement
agencies, which are investigating this criminal act. Any and all parties
responsible for this act of cyber–terrorism will be held responsible.”
Ashley Madison, along with a number of other dating sites, had
already been criticised for the lack of care taken over customer
information at least once before. In 2012, the online rights campaign
group EFF examined eight popular dating sites,
and found that just one, Zoosk, carried out simple security precautions
such as enabling encrypted connections by default. In the EFF’s study,
however, Ashley Madison was explicitly praised for deleting data after
users closed their account.
ALM later said it had used the Digital Millennium Copyright Act
(DCMA) to demand the removal of online posts about the incident “as well
as all personally identifiable information about our users published
online.”
Posts on Twitter which had apparently earlier linked to pages
containing hacked material were now bringing up “page not found”
results, the Guardian found.
ALM also said it is now offering its full-delete option free to any customer to help them protect their privacy.
Have you grown tired of snuggling with your cat on Saturday nights while your friends are out enjoying couples bliss?
Then you’ve likely been on the hunt for a relationship. This can sometimes become a long and frustrating process.
If you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places and decided to start an online search, beware. Romance scams have been cropping up again lately, and unsuspecting lonely hearts are being bilked out of thousands of dollars.
The most recent version of this scam involves the mobile dating app Tinder.
Unfortunately, Tinder’s popularity has made it a magnet for scammers. The Better Business Bureau released a warning for consumers, alerting them to scammers who are using Tinder to spread malware or obtain money.
Instant attraction The scam usually starts with you browsing for profiles, and then receiving an immediate response from a match as soon as you swipe right to communicate interest. After a lengthy messaging session (the fraudster is trying to get you buttered up so you’ll let your guard down), your potential suitor will then suggest texting instead of continuing to communicate through Tinder.
Trouble in paradise And that’s when the trouble begins. Your new match may start telling you about a new service or product that you should try. The Better Business Bureau says the scammer will usually send a link with referral codes. This is done so that the spammer will receive payment for referring new customers. Then, you’ll be asked to download an app, but once you click on the link that was provided, your phone is infected with malware. Furthermore, some scammers will request personal information such as your address, pretending that they need this information so they can send you a romantic gift.
The Better Business Bureau gives these tips for spotting a Tinder Scam:
1. You receive a lighting-fast response If you are a little suspicious of a fast response from a Tinder suitor, your instincts may be accurate. The Better Business Bureau says that some of the Tinder profiles are not real, but are in fact spam bots. If you get a message immediately after you are matched, proceed with caution.
2. The scammer pressures you to communicate outside of Tinder Another red flag is if the new guy or gal fires off multiple messages and then tries to get you off Tinder as soon as possible. The spammer may suggest text or chat. The BBB says it is common for Tinder users to move on to a text conversation but that a spammer will make this suggestion almost right away.
3. You don’t have their attention Be even more suspicious if the answers to your questions don’t make sense. This could be a sign that answers have been automated. The BBB suggests asking a few questions to see if the responses add up. If you get crazy answers, it’s time to shut the conversation down.
4. Their photo is too good to be true
Be leery of Tinder users who post glamour shots. Unfortunately, that toned hottie drenched in baby oil may not be the real deal. So if you’re drooling over your match’s photo, be prepared for disappointment. While we hope that’s not the case and you find your love connection, don’t be surprised if you end up with more than you bargained for — and not in a good way.
(USA) A Maryland man has pleaded guilty to defrauding people on online
dating services of more than $1 million by pretending to be romantically
interested in them.
Thirty-three-year-old Krist Koranteng, who has addresses in
Burtonsville and Laurel, guilty to mail and wire fraud conspiracy money
laundering Wednesday in federal court in Greenbelt.
According to his plea agreement, Koranteng and others searched online
dating websites to initiate romantic relationships with men and women,
including several elderly people.
Prosecutors say Koranteng and others used false stories and promises
to convince the victims to send money via checks and wire transfer.
Koranteng faces a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison and will be
ordered to pay more than $1 million in restitution at sentencing on July
2.
A Chinese national charged with raping a woman he met
on a dating website had only days earlier been interviewed by police
over allegations he'd raped a different online date. Runbin Hu, 29, was refused bail by Victoria's chief magistrate, Peter
Lauritsen, on Wednesday after prosecutors argued he posed too great a
risk to the community. Police allege Mr Hu detained and raped two young woman, just days
apart, after meeting them separately on Chinese dating websites. He has been charged with one count of rape against a woman who claims he attacked her at his Notting Hill apartment on Monday, but the Melbourne Magistrates Court heard that the possibility of further charges was possible in relation to the other woman.
Defence lawyer Chong Yang, said consent would be a major issue and
that while his client agreed about the intercourse, he maintained that
it had been consensual. Mr Hu has lived in Australia for seven years, first as a student and
then working as a chef in aged care facility in Sunbury, without ever
running into trouble with the law, his lawyer told the court. Detective Acting Sergeant Rosemary Eden, of the Box Hill sexual
offences and child abuse investigation team, said Mr Hu met one of the
women online on last Saturday, March 7, and the pair agreed to go on a
date on Monday night. Mr Hu picked her up from her house and took her to a bar in Clayton
where she had one beer, she said. But after refusing to take her home,
he drove to his apartment, prompting her to send four text messages to a
friend expressing concern about what was going to happen.
The woman told police Mr Hu had then carried her into his bedroom
where he pinned her arms down and forced himself on her, telling her
that she had to be quiet or he "would be rude," Acting Sergeant Eden
said.
He let her leave afterwards and her friends took her to the police
station where she made a statement and underwent forensic testing, she
said.
Following his arrest on Tuesday, Mr Hu admitted to having intercourse
with the woman, "while she was silent and shaking," but told police it
was consensual, the court heard.
Eight days earlier he'd been interviewed in relation to the rape
allegations made by the other woman, a South Australian-based Chinese
woman who had travelled to Melbourne after meeting him online.
This woman had previously been undecided about pursuing the matter
but agreed on Tuesday to make a statement, Acting Sergeant Eden said.
Mr Hu's lawyer said in this case, the woman had been in a relationship with Mr Hu for about two months.
She previously told police Mr Hu sexually assaulted her shortly after
picking her up from the airport. She wanted to leave, but he held onto
her passport for two days and committed further assaults, the woman
alleged.
Mr Hu, who speaks very limited English, shook his head as his lawyer explained that bail had been refused.
He was remanded in custody to face court again on June 5.
City of London Police warns that the overwhelming majority of crimes
perpetrated by online hackers are never even reported, let alone
prosecuted – with losses totalling billions of pounds. In a new report,
the police group, which leads the way in tackling fraud and
internet-based crime in Britain, says that official data “vastly
underestimates” the problem by only taking into account cases that are
brought to the authorities.
3.7 million crimes of this nature were recorded by the UK government
between 2013 and 2014. However, an estimated 1.2 million crimes went
unreported by businesses, financial institutions and individuals between
2013-14, costing victims over £12 billion. This brings the total number
of cyberattacks up to 5 million for the period.
7 in 10 cases of fraud are carried out online, says the London
Assembly’s police and crime committee – and criminals only need “limited
technical knowledge” to carry out scams.
Even more worryingly, some large businesses actively decide against
reporting cases of fraud and successful hacks, believing that this could
have commercial implications or could harm their reputation.
“In these cases, businesses are effectively absorbing the cost of the crime as a running expense,” say the report’s authors. “Ultimately, it is likely that these costs are passed on to customers.”
The excerpts used are from the book THE ART OF SEDUCTION by Robert Greene. Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons.
For anyone who thinks those "seduce women now" sites are total b.s. - think again. There are 1000s of sites to teach predator HOW TO all over the internet. Some even FREE & interactive. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate even the smartest minds. BEWARE
By the way, did you know that more intelligent people are EASIER to hypnotise? Ask any certified hypnotist and check this fact OUT! COMMENTS in Dark Blue & Italics are the EOPC Team's and not Mr. Greene's. Other Dark Blue areas in Greene's excerpt are our emphasis only. HOW TO DO IT 1-CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM
Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.
Picking up vulnerable, abused - by parents or partners, disabled, unhappily married, separated and/or despondent people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade.
AND STAY OFF ALL THE ONLINE DATING SITES - WHERE CYBERPATHS' CAMP OUT!
2-CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY- APPROACH INDIRECTLY
If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target's life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional "chance" encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike.
Did he tell you that you & he had SO much in common? Did they get you into chatting about life, politics, your family, philosophy? Did they make themselves a confidant and "confide" in you as well? Did they tell you you were the ONLY one who understood them?
3-SEND MIXED SIGNALS
Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. What is obvious and striking may attract their attention at first, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run, ambiguity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvious-instead, be hard to figure out.Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you. Did they say things that made you think WTF? Did they make comments and then tell you they 'didn't want to talk about it anymore'? Did you feel they were churning inside and you could "help" them? Did they use Confusion Technique talk with you or "word salad"? Stuff that made you think HUH... yet, you felt funny about calling them on it?
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability -of being wanted and courted by many.It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value.Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.
Did they have the spouse who would DIE if they knew the person you are chatting with didn't love them anyone? Did they tell you their former fiance or partner was the best sexual partner ever and/or they still talk frequently with them? Did they miss their "past glories" because all they wanted to do was "please" someone and "make them happy?" Did they suggest they might be looking for something a little better.... even a little better than you? Of course they would NEVER come right out and say that! Do a search onTRIANGULATION- an online predator's FAVORITE 'position.'
5-CREATE A NEED: STIR ANXIETY AND DISCONTENT
A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds.Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring. The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill.
Did they help you understand how bad your current relationship is/was? Did they know you as someone so much more than your partner? Did they tell you they liked who you were inside even if you are fat or ill? Did they tell you that you & they could help & support each other emotionally? Did they make you feel more wanted than you have been in years?
6-MASTER THE ART OF INSINUATION
Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of planting ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Insinuation is the supreme means of influencing people. Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive.
Did they try to initiate cybersex and when you said no - apologize profusely?
Or tell you of an erotic dream and then say they feel so bad they told you if it offended you?
Did they send you erotic cards or pictures and insist your online relationship was NOT about sex but "oh so much more."
Did they suggest a hotel room? A clandestine meeting? A weekend away? Just the two of you? To "comfort" each other?
Did they tell you they "wished" they could have a "fantasy weekend away" with someone that REALLY cared about them - without saying that person might be YOU?
Did you feel almost compelled to throw yourself at them to 'end their pain' and loneliness?
7-ENTER THEIR SPIRIT
Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.
Did they seem to be so much like you it was eerie? If you were Christian, they were Christian? If you were Agnostic, they were agnostic? and so on? Did you find them mirroring you? Stealing your words, phrases, thoughts and even parts of your personality? If the relationship is over, did you meet someone else who told you about the predator and what was told them and realize "that was MY story" and they told it as if it was their own!
8-CREATE TEMPTATION
Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise of forbidden knowledge, you must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. It could be wealth, it could be adventure, it could be forbidden and guilty pleasures; the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you.
Was your real-life relationship stale or abusive? No sex? Never went out anywhere? Never travelled anymore? Broke? Did they offer you "REAL LOVE"? was the word "SOULMATE" used often? Were their sexual innuedos erotic & exciting? Did they offer to take you places? Dinners? Theatre? Trips? Did they offer you gifts? To pay your plane fare?
9-KEEP THEM IN SUSPENSE- WHAT COMES NEXT? The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.
Did they suddenly disappear from IM or Chat for days or weeks? No explanation? Did emails go unresponded to? Did they seem to want to talk to you or be with you one minute and to get rid of you the next? Did they leave the computer for a "few minutes" never to return. Did they say they were going to bed and yet their available IM light was still on? Did you get an odd email saying "sorry we keep missing each other" when you were online at the same time as them and they NEVER ever IM'd to say hello or didn't answer if you IM'd them?
10-USE THE DEMONIC POWER OF WORDS TO SOW CONFUSION It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.
Were they the best partner but unappreciated? the all-star at work? the better parent? the religious altruist? the truth & justice commando? Did they portray themselves as sweet but misunderstood? As imperfect but trying so hard? Was the sexual or romantic talk absolutely mind-blowing? THIS IS A FORM OF MIND CONTROL!!! Did you find it hard to think or function sometimes because of the drug-like nature of this online relationship?
11-PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL
Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious: why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do-are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate. Create spectacles to dazzle their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to.Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.
The online predator's verbal slight of hand is overwhelming. Even to a smart & savvy person. If they are in a bad relationship, always ask how they are feeling? Had you been to the doctor? What did your doctor say? Are you upset? Something happen? Death in your family? Did they offer their 'strong arms' and warm cyber-embrace? Do they seem to care about the little things in your life like no one else? All part of the bait!
12-POETICIZE YOUR PRESENCE
Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they will yearn to see you again, and will only associate you with pleasant thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.
Online psychopaths are masters at this. As pointed out above - did they disappear from the net or from you for days or weeks without a word? You call their cell phone and got voicemail? Are they busy for a while, off to work conference or with family for a while? Can't talk to you because something's come up and they are SO SORRY. Yet when they do "pop" on to say hi they are VERY concerned about YOU and said "HI" because they were 'thinking of you so much' and 'upset that they haven't been there for you.' RIGHT......
13-DISARM THROUGH STRATEGIC WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY
Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness-tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.
Did you hear phrases like "sometimes when I talk to you I feel I can't control myself"?
Or did they tell you that you were "too good" for them?
Did they say "if you really knew me, you'd leave me" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am."
Were they STRUGGLING with their feelings and fears about you? Getting so close to someone 'scaring' them?
Did they do something STUPID and 'confess' to you about it?
Did they give you the impression that you were the only person they could TRUST?
14-CONFUSE DESIRE & REALITY: THE PERFECT ILLUSION To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.
Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!"
15-ISOLATE THE VICTIM
An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.
Online relationships are already like this. In another article posted on this site - it confirms the mental states reached when one is online. Trance and dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.
Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret?
Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms?
Or to not tell other friends about your "special" relationship or your "treasure"?
Do they ask when your spouse, family or partner is gone or asleep?
Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites 'might not be the best option'?
Are they narrowing your field of vision?
Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it?
Does that sound NORMAL to you?
The MINUTE they tell you "not to talk to" someone or "not to tell" : Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person(s) - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves! And BELIEVE THEM. Do NOT BELIEVE the "scorned woman" or "hell hath no fury" or "he's crazy" stuff you will hear from your online friend - as much as you might want to. HEALTHY PEOPLE don't need to smear others!
16-PROVE YOURSELF Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.
When you questioned them about things that seemed off and red flags - did they have explanation? Offer you 'hard proof'?
Did they do something to "make up for" their absences or gaffs? Did they do little things to "perk you up"? Like send you an ecard or flowers just to say hi.
Did they do things to "make you feel better"?
Did they say things like "I will do anything to make you happy?"
Offer you small private glimpses into their lives to prove they are ok?
Send you pictures (supposedly) of themselves with their parents? other friends? kids? And did they ask you to do the same?
17-EFFECT A REGRESSION
People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.
Stand up for you? Tell you the sort of things you wish your mom or dad had told you? Offer you the sort of verbal and emotional support your current partner never does? Or were they someone you knew from high school, college or a past job who just 'happened' to look you up online or just 'stumbled' on your name & email?
All sorts of reunion sites & social networking are becoming very popular for the cyberpath to go back and rework past targets. If you were a past target they can also use the "but you KNOW me" talk to regain your confidence while getting ready to use you.
18-STIR UP THE TRANSGRESSIVE & TABOO There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop.Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.
Did they talk you into cybersex or phone sex? Just this once? Tell you they had "never done this before"?
Did they tell you some dark desire and then immediately apologize and swear they won't talk about it again.
Did they tell you "I saw a hooker once but if my wife knew she'd leave me" and "I only use porn because I am so lonely"?
Did they tell you their past relationship was very complicated because of things you would NEVER get involved with and then say it was the past PARTNER who caused the problem? Or that the partner was "deceased" and their children would "never understand the two of you." That they still care for the past partner but that it was "more than they could deal with".
Are you SURE it was the past partner and not PROJECTION on their part? Also if other people who know this person, such as chat room friends, tell you to watch out - LISTEN TO THEM!! Also if they INSIST that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more." 19-USE SPIRITUAL LURES
Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited.
Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the 'spiritual union of two souls.'
Have you & they spent hours talking about God, philosophy and spirituality?
Is this person deeper than you ever imagined? (or appearing that way?)
Do they tell you about your past lives together? you being twin souls or soulmates?
That it was destiny not the internet that brought you together. That you have a special energy?
That you give them goosebumps just being online with them?
They can feel you without being in the same room with you? Maybe that's possible but don't you wonder where they LEARNED lines like that?
Are they REALLY going to be honest and tell you about all their other online targets?
Do they tell you your age, waistline or physical/ mental illness is of 'no consequence' because it is "obvious you are beautiful on the inside"?
One of the most priceless lines we ever heard was "We have been more intimate online than we ever could be in person." Answer? Cyberpaths sometimes can't have sex with a normal woman. They are so used to looking at porn babes & hookers or masturbating (having sex with themselves) they are unable to perform in normal circumstances. At least not with any regularity. So, they dump you while trying to appear ethical about it. (Sheesh if you are going to dump & devalue someone - be STRAIGHT WITH THEM!)
20-MIX PLEASURE WITH PAIN The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup, subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.
O.K. heard any of THESE lines? (designed for YOU to leave them so they can play martyr with the next victim)
"If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore" or "if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"
Are they pulling away and trying to make it seem like your idea or they are doing you a favor?
Have they spent time online with you waxing poetic about a past girl/boyfriend as if that person was the Holy Grail or 'the one that got away'; And you feel like chopped liver after listening to that 'confession'?
Or was your online fun interrupted by reality and that person said "my partner found out" and disappeared, blocking you & your emails?
Or that "its best we don't talk for a while" and IF and when they return they "missed you so much."
Do they seem to play come-to-me-go-away? As if they can't 'make up their minds to be with you?
Have you tried to cut it off only to have them email you or people you both know BEGGING you to talk to them again?
21-GIVE THEM SPACE TO FALL: THE PURSUER IS PURSUED
If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. The goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced.
Did they tell you its more fun when YOU are the aggressor now? Or that the online thing was getting tedious? If there was cybersex did they tell you they want REAL? Did they suggest you are throwing yourself at them? Remember WHO started the relationship!
22-USE PHYSICAL LURES Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust. Lead them into the moment-an intensified present in which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body succumbs to pleasure.
"This is so wrong but so right!" or "I just can't do this - it would hurt you/ both of us/ our families" or "I didn't mean for it to get this way - even though I want you." Haul out the puke bucket when they start with that stuff!
23-MASTER THE ART OF THE BOLD MOVE A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.
Heard this or something like it? - "this is so hard for me to say but I think I love you" or "I have fallen in love with you" or "I can't go another day without you". Sorry, you can't LOVE someone you have NEVER MET IN PERSON. Don't buy it. You can 'love' the image they are presenting or the attention they are giving you - but until you meet IN PERSON and spend some time together, meet their families, see how they interact with the public for a few months (not time in bed) will you know if this is someone you can really LOVE or if its just the lust of the lonely.
24-BEWARE THE AFTER-EFFECTS
Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell you have created. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.
The psychological harm caused when predators just abandon their targets is filling many psychologist's offices these days. Many therapists are clueless how to truly help these people heal, as relationships with pathologicals are different and the victims must be deprogrammed.
There is no closure with these psychopaths. They beg for you to "let them start a new life" or "I am sorry I hurt you but I have to go." Some even pretend to be someone else and send you a 'So & So Died' email. Don't buy it!
Rather than owning and dealing with what they have done to you and everyone around both of you - they withdraw and try to erase what occurred between you as if it never happened.
You may even be slandered by the predator who tells people you are harassing them when you are looking for closure. Don't expect closure.
A real person would apologize and possibly work to reframe the whole relationship, bringing normalcy and light into it. The relationship might then end on its own or become what it should have been all along. But don't hold your breath. Online psychopaths rarely do that. They almost never allow their targets to vent their rage and confusion. They simply run and start over.
Some even try to reinvent themselves as normal humans and make contrition to their immediately families until things get comfortable enough for them to do it again.
Expose these people for what they are so they don't harm others. Don't stoop to their level of lies & defamation - just tell the truth and back it up.
And if you really still care about them? Expose them so they stop harming THEMSELVES as well.
APPENDIX A: SEDUCTIVE ENVIRONMENTS/ SEDUCTIVE TIME In seduction, your victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under your influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a different person. Certain places, environments, and experiences will greatly aid you in your quest to change and transform the seduced. Spaces with a theatrical, heightened quality-opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect-memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. You must make your victims feel that being with you gives them a different experience from being in the real world.
This is so easy to do online!! People already have dissociative states when online and feel "melded" to their computers. They want the fantasy or at least the escape from everyday pain they aren't getting. Online gaming rooms, chats, and so on give people freedom to be "anyone you want them to be." The internet is great but relationships are for real life! If this person refuses to introduce you to their friends or even meet you within 6 weeks of chatting with you? Say goodbye. And the MINUTE you see a red flag - back off. This isn't the love of your life - its the lure of the predator!
