READING RED FLAG BEHAVIORS IN INTERNET DATING

by Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN

So you’re single again and the concept of Internet dating seems new and exciting! Upon your first glimpse, you feel like a kid in a candy store! New partners by the hundreds! People just like you – divorced, or otherwise broken relationships, hurt feelings, wounded souls – just looking to be loved by someone like YOU! Right??

Well, beware. Just as you need to be careful when you meet people in the bar scene, the Internet is chock full of predators as well. However, there are lots of "Red Flags" to look for to protect yourself, IF you know how to read the signs.

I’m tempted to write a book just on Internet dating "smarts." You know – things like what to say and not to say to appear to be kind, generous, and all those things that make the writer appear to be a perfect catch. And yet, how would the unsuspecting know then? The red flags would all be hidden and booby traps would be walked into by unsuspecting victims by the score!

Naw – I think it’s best to warn you – the recipient, what to look for and let the narcissistic Don Juan’s (or their female counterparts) show their true colors for what they are!

Here are a few actual statements from profiles of men currently on the Internet dating scene …

"I’m one of those individuals that is looking for a attractive, well kept, female…"

On his description of himself, he claims to be "very attractive."(Big red flag!) Hmmmm… has he looked in the mirror lately? Balding, slightly overweight, posed in three pictures on his Harley need I say more?

"Seeking smart, funny, sexy, balanced, introspective, well read, credible, flexible, independent, complete woman with a fine ass. If her ass is other than fine, I’ll guess we’ll have to focus on her brains and personality. If you’re not smiling right now, then my sense of humor either didn’t translate or you’ll not think me charming."

Was that supposed to be cute and endear him to me? I’ll pass…

Then of course, there are the guys who list their income, ($100,000 -$200,000!) and absolutely nothing else about themselves! Guess they figure that with their money they can get anyone they want. If you fall for that, it’s important to realize up front that money is the only thing important to them. There will not be depth of character, an interesting, empathetic personality, an interest in YOU.

"I dress my women in the finest clothes." (MY WOMEN?!)

This actual statement came from the same $200,000 income gentleman who sent me this quick email that said, "Meet me at Jake’s Bar tomorrow night at 7. You won’t be disappointed!" That’s it. No info on him except about his money and how he "dressed HIS women in the finest clothes."

Hmmmmm… when I opened up his photos, there he was with a woman who looked just like me! Talk about CREEPY!

I wrote him back and said "No thank you," that I didn’t think our profiles showed much in common. He wrote back livid … "What? You’re refusing to meet with me?" In essence … his ego screamed back over email, (never a pretty site) and I blocked any further communication with this demigod with all his money and fine clothes!

Another man (age 64), "winked" at me (I’m 48) to show me that he was interested. I guess he thought he was saving himself time and trouble with a bio that said something like this:

"I have retired here in Texas where it is warm and I can spend lots of time on my boat. Seeking a wonderful, attractive, intelligent woman companion to do the same with me. No fatties please."

NO FATTIES, PLEASE?!

Does he think that only overweight women will then leave him alone? Is he so blind not to understand that ANY woman with a brain will see that and say "What a jerk!"

Then of course, there are those mid life crisis statements that send me running the other way… Things like "Seeking someone age 25 – 35" when they themselves are 45 or beyond. (What, do they want to date their daughter? Will she even know what he’s talking about when he mentions the Kennedy asassination?) Or even weirder, the guy is age 45 but he’s looking for someone up to age 44. Now what’s up with that?

Of course, the other side of that is someone who is middle aged but has to be sure to tell readers in the first paragraph that "I look and act much younger than my age." PLEEAAASSEEEE!!!

Of course, if you do meet with one that seems like Mr. (or Ms.) Right, don’t be surprised if the person who arrives for your date looks 10 or 15 years older than the person in the photos … posting pics from the "younger years" seems to be a common behavior as well!

If someone seems too good to be true … they probably are!

SOURCE

Divorced Accountant Scammed by Online Dating Sites

by Antonia Hoyle

After her marriage broke down, Jenny Beard knew finding love again wouldn’t be easy. Not only was she 42 and the sole carer of her six-year-old son Will, but her demanding career as an accountant left her with precious little time to socialise.

Nonetheless, she didn’t want to be alone forever, so when she heard about an internet dating site for single parents like herself, she joined without a second thought, Jenny told Channel 4 News in a programme.

Describing her interests as ‘going to the theatre and restaurants, enjoying country walks as long as they feature a tea shop’, she was hopeful she would meet mature, like-minded men who understood the difficulties of bringing up a child alone.

What she didn’t expect was to find herself posted as a ‘hot date’ on cheesy lads’ magazine sites, and bombarded by spam emails from people who didn’t even exist — or if they did, had anything but a country walk in mind. Jenny Beard was shocked to find her pictures, submitted to a singe-parents dating site, on sleazy lads¿ mag sites

Jenny Beard was shocked to find her pictures, submitted to a singe-parents dating site, on sleazy lads' mag site. Over the course of the four years Jenny has been on the site, not one of the men she met has been a member of justsingleparents.com where she originally posted her profile. Not one of them had even heard of it. Alarmingly, half were not parents at all and only one had a child the same age as her son.

Worse still, her picture and profile have been plastered across tawdry dating websites belonging to ‘lads mags’ such as Nuts and Loaded that are more associated with scantily-clad girls in semi-pornographic poses than professional, middle-aged women like Jenny.

She is just one victim in an extraordinary dating scam exposed by two industry whistle-blowers.

Unbeknown to Jenny, justsingleparents.com is run by a parent company called Global Personals — a legitimate company most members never will have heard of, but which passes members’ details freely between the 7,500 sites it owns, meaning they are inundated with unwanted and inappropriate advances.

The company has also created ‘fake’ profiles, by lifting photographs off the internet, and ordering staff to flirt with unsuspecting members, outrageously flattering them into renewing their subscriptions.

Disturbingly, their deception has proved an unqualified success. Global Personals — whose headquarters are in Windsor, Berkshire — makes £40 m a year, employs 130 staff and is believed to take a 40 per cent cut of every membership subscription, with the remainder going to the spin-off company.

But it is at the expense of women like Jenny, now 46, who is astounded by the way in which she has been duped.

‘Internet dating seemed the best way of meeting people,’ she says. ‘But I’m shocked by how many sites I’ve ended up on. It’s upsetting and annoying. I’m nobody’s idea of a Nuts hot date. It’s the last place you would expect to find me and a waste of time and money. I’m not surprised they’re making up people. I’ve received no end of emails from men who say they like my smile, but clearly haven’t seen my profile. I won’t be renewing my subscription.’

Certainly, Jenny’s experience serves as a cautionary tale to those tempted by the increasingly popular world of online romance, said to be worth £2 billion globally. She first started internet dating in September 2008, eight months after her seven-year marriage ended.

‘I have a serious job. My options for meeting men are limited,’ she says. ‘This seemed the best way.’

She began by joining a site called Plenty of Fish, but, within weeks she realised it was unsuitable.‘It’s hard to say without sounding snobby but I’m a professional person with a degree,’ she explains. ‘It was very good for meeting dustmen, builders and mechanics who are perfectly nice but not right for me. Apart from anything else, it’s free and attracts people with less money. I thought finding a paid service would be more appropriate.’

So she researched online and came across justsingleparents.com. With membership costing £20 a month and members all purportedly having experienced single parenthood, she was more likely to meet like-minded people, she reasoned.

‘I wanted to meet people with children because they understand that anyone else in my life won’t be my top priority,’ she says.

Her son Will, who’s now ten, also was keen to see his mum with someone nice ‘to look after her’

But what Jenny didn’t realise was that when she joined justsingleparents.com that she would be exposed on websites she’d previously never heard of.

Worryingly, the practice, while misleading, is perfectly legal. It is called ‘white-labelling’ and happens when a product produced by one company, such as Global Personals, is rebranded by other companies — in this case dating websites.

Who knew? Internet dating amongst those aged 50-plus has risen by 40 per cent in the last year

Also, in a bid to boost their revenue, the company was specifically employing staff whose sole job it was to set up and run fake profiles on the dating sites, to keep members interested. Within weeks, Jenny got her first warning signal: She’d begun emailing a fellow single parent from her area and the pair had swapped phone numbers:

‘I texted him and said “it’s Jenny from Just Single Parents” and he replied “what?”’ she recalls. ‘He’d never heard of the agency. I was put on the back foot and so flummoxed I didn’t contact him again.’ It was another member, Jenny recalls, who explained that their details were passed around various dating sites: ‘I felt put out and rather stupid,’ she says.

Nonetheless, as the months passed, she was sent three emails a day from unlikely suitors, who ranged in age from 22 to 73. ‘I deleted them before reading,’ she says. ‘I can’t remember any being particularly crude, but maybe they were and I never saw them.’  Jenny says she quickly suspected some of the identities were fake. ‘I know I got emails that weren’t from real people,’ she told Channel 4 News. ‘You’d ask a man a question, such as how many children he had, and would get a reply tell you how happy they are they’ve met you.’

She adds: ‘You don’t realise to start with that these companies they have “ice breaker” messages saying “I like your profile” or “you’ve got a lovely smile” that are sent to all the women in East Sussex between the ages of 35 and 55. You’d reply and wouldn’t hear back. After a while you realise a lot of the messages you get are sent to hundreds of people, not just you.’

Yet Jenny — fuelled by hope that she would meet someone genuine — carried on using the site. At times, however, she became so exasperated with the process that she cancelled her membership.

‘Cancelling was a faff — you couldn’t do it online and would have to call someone in working hours,’ says Jenny, who spent hundreds of pounds on subscription fees.  ‘I remember one email I got that persuaded me to re-join was from a good-looking, wealthy single father who ran his own building business,’ says Jenny. ‘Part of me suspected it was too good to be true, but I replied anyway.’ And, surprise surprise, she never heard back.

Over the course of four years, she met up with just eight men in person. Not one of them was from justsingleparents.com, half didn’t have children at all.

‘I only met most of them once, for a drink,’ she says. ‘One, a store manager, had joined a website called Old Flirt. He was my age but, had I known the site he was on, I would have hauled him out on the grounds that it was a ridiculous name. ‘Another was a bus driver. There were two retired people. They came from geographical and rock music dating sites. One came from a site called Derbyshire Singles. One didn’t even know I had a son, which was the whole point. It made me think my profile might have been edited. I was perplexed.’

As Jenny had suspected, she was not the only one being duped — and not the most vulnerable.

Channel 4 News investigators spoke to whistle-blower Ryan Pitcher, who joined the company in 2008 and a second, unnamed, employee, who detailed the suspicious way in which they were recruited, when they were warned they were not to discuss their duties with family and friends.

Finding fake profiles was a secretive and calculated process, with the team scouring social networking sites and stealing people’s photos to use on their fake profiles: ‘You’d take Helga from Iceland and make her into Helen from Manchester and write a profile,’ says Ryan. ‘You’d use her features and invent a whole new person.’

The role of the fake profiles — or ‘pseudos’ as they were called by employees — was to email members flirtatious messages to entice them into continuing their subscriptions. Up to 400 messages an hour were sent by the team who frequently coerced their victims into intimate text conversations.  ‘You’re talking about thousands of messages which means millions of pounds in subscription fees,’ says Ryan. It seems they were targeted specifically at the sites’ most vulnerable members.

‘A lot of the people on the site aren’t the most attractive people,’ he admits. ‘If they’re not getting replies from real people after a month, they’re going to sign off. The pseudo team could string along a girl or guy for up to 24 months. It is all about money, all about greed. With fake profiles you can get 50 per cent more revenue, sometimes even more.’

If the member wanted to pursue a relationship with a pseudo, or even have a telephone conversation, they would be brushed off before being replaced by another pseudo.  ‘It’s all about stringing them along on tenterhooks with that pretence that eventually they’ll meet up or swap telephone numbers,’ says Ryan.  ‘But as soon as that comes into play you move on. There were loads of cop-outs you could use. Most people were talking to more than one pseudo. Some people were only talking to fake people.’

All of which is incredibly unpalatable. Ryan admits the deception started to trouble his conscience:

‘After a while you’d see the same old men and women; widows, for example, who wanted to find love. You’re just stringing them along to get money out of their pensions. That did play on my mind.’

Meanwhile, his bosses grew richer and ever omnipresent in the dating industry. They have a database of 2.2 million people — every one of whom is believed to be accessible across its network of sites.

It is the sheer variety of websites Jenny has been made available to that shocked her the most when Channel 4 contacted her a fortnight ago to tell her their findings — and which finally persuaded her to cancel her subscription.


A spokesman for Global Personals told the Mail: ‘When members subscribe to one of our sites, they are advised in the terms and conditions that their details will be made available to members of different sites on the relevant shared database.  ‘Our job is to get our members in front of as many other members as possible. Members on any of these sites can apply filters to ensure they are not contacted by anyone they don’t want to be. Global Personals was one of the first online dating companies to stop using pseudo profiles. ’

But Jenny doesn’t believe sufficient warning was given. ‘It should be made a lot clearer how many sites you’re getting in to,’ she says. ‘It’s upsetting and annoying that you don’t know where your picture is going to end up. Clearly someone who is reading Nuts is not going to be interested in me, just as I am not going to be interested in them. You should be able to opt out.’

Trading Standards in Windsor say they have ‘on-going dealings’ with Global Personals regarding their alleged use of fake profiles. Yet the company remains unrepentant.

They told the Mail: ‘Global Personals was one of the first online dating companies to stop using pseudo profiles. Global Personals scaled down pseudo profiling throughout 2009 and all pseudo profiles were removed by February 2010.’

For Jenny, it is too little too late. Still single, she has cancelled her subscription with justsingleparents.com and will be more cautious about internet dating in future.

‘You’ve got to be emotionally strong as you’re set up for an enormous amount of disappointment,’ she says, adding: ‘I don’t know how I’ll meet a man. The odds are stacked against it.’ 

 original article found here

Click here to learn more about the Class Action against Match.com

Match.CON: How a Fraudster Fleeced a Woman on Online Dating

by Stephen Wright

(U.K.) 'I've been utterly stupid,' said 60-year-old Brenda Parke

A vulnerable divorcee was conned out of £60,000 (approx $95,200. US)by a man she befriended - but never met - through a dating website. Brenda Parke, 60, fell victim to a confidence trickster who persuaded her to part with her savings to help his supposedly sick daughter. They arranged to meet at Birmingham Airport so he could repay the loans, but he never arrived.

Miss Parke, a retired air stewardess, admits she has been 'utterly stupid' but now wants to raise awareness about 'romance fraud'. Police estimate that Britons are losing tens of millions of pounds as a result of scams by conmen who target emotionally vulnerable Westerners on dating websites.

Other victims have included dentists and barristers. Miss Parke, who had never used a dating site before, joined Match.com last December and befriended a man calling himself Bradford Broad Cole. Over the following weeks they developed a close relationship via emails and phone calls. Cole portrayed himself as a successful Dutch businessman who earned his living supplying and fitting computers. He said his partner had died and he was estranged from family and friends, claiming to have moved to the UK a year ago with his young daughter, Maureen. But she was injured in a hit and run abroad while accompanying him on a business trip, he claimed, and he needed £9,600 for an operation.

He did not ask Miss Parke for money directly but moaned that he had no one to turn to, having borrowed as much as he could from the bank. She repeatedly told him she could not help and each time he said he understood, but she wrestled with her conscience as she did not want to leave a child in trouble. Eventually she offered to pay the hospital direct, but discovered it only accepted cash, so she arranged money transfers to Cole. Miss Parke handed over more money after Cole said he needed £44,500 for his business and further cash for his accommodation and transport home. The police are now investigating the case.

Miss Parke, who has no children and lives in Sussex, said: 'I am fully aware how utterly stupid I have been and appreciate there is little, if any, chance to get my money back. However, I have always considered myself to be a bright and intelligent woman. If I could be manipulated and reduced to "a puppet on a string" because of this man's subtlety and supposed sincerity, then there are millions of vulnerable people out there just waiting to be abused by a very professional and consummate actor. It is so cunning and amazingly well done that I am reeling with shock at my own vulnerability.'

'I urge dating sites to take far more responsibility for who they allow to advertise on their websites.'

Miss Parke agreed to waive her anonymity to talk out about romance fraud for national fraud reporting centre: Action Fraud. Dr Bernard Herdan, of the National Fraud Authority, which runs Action Fraud, said: 'Fraud is a serious crime that devastates lives and often funds more organised crime such as drug smuggling.'

original article found here

ONLINE STALKING & VULNERABILITY

by Greg Voakes

The Internet is typically our go-to destination for gathering information about long lost friends, family, even ourselves. We know our friends and foes do it too, but we tend to think "stalking" in non-threatening ways. Maybe we’ll reconnect with an old friend or co-worker. Perhaps someone we didn’t like in grade school will be jealous of our accomplishments. The truth is that we never think about the dark side of sharing online – identity theft.

Just consider the vast amounts of personal data that gets posted online every day:

• Status updates on Facebook and other social sites
• Tweets about our favorite activities, vacation plans, professional conferences, and other plans
• YouTube videos taken inside and outside our home, about our kids, friends, pets and property
• Our comments on blogs and newspaper websites, where we log in using our Facebook accounts
• LinkedIn profiles about previous jobs and schools
• Every Google+ comment ever made, and link ever posted
• Online petitions you’ve signed
• Wedding gift registries
• White page listings for every address you’ve ever lived at

When you add it all up, this is a pretty comprehensive list of sources where a hacker could find almost any piece of personal information. If you are Facebook friends with your mother, even her maiden name is easy to figure out. Take a moment to search for yourself, and you’ll see that all of this information is online, accessible in seconds.

Why does any of this matter? It matters because we have consistent online habits that hackers love to exploit. We use the same passwords for many websites because we are too lazy to remember unique ones every time. All it takes is one website with weak security and our passwords can become public. Once a hacker has your email address and password, they can gain access to your social media accounts, steal from your bank accounts, scam your friends and relatives, and do some real damage to your life. Identity theft isn’t something you want to experience.

More than 400,000 Yahoo passwords were leaked online a few weeks ago. If it happened to you, even if you’ve changed your Yahoo password, the bad guys – hackers, thieves, criminals and stalkers – can use that same password to break into other accounts. Last month it was 4 million LinkedIn passwords. Last year it was Sony and eHarmony. Data is never 100% safe, no matter how secure websites claim to be.

We need to be more careful about both our personal security and the information we share. Once we post it, it stays online forever. We can’t use passwords and security codes that include addresses, our kids’ or pets’ names, important dates, favorite movies, hobbies, or other things can be easily figured out based on personal information. We also have to make sure that our offline lives, including our homes, cars, and offices, are protected by a reliable security company. All it takes is one careless website to cause a major security breach in our lives, one which can be exploited by criminals online and in the real world. Even though we know our acquaintances will harmlessly stalk us online, we need to make sure hackers and thieves can’t get access to the important data that could be used against us.

original article found here

Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships

What Makes Internet Relationships So Desirable?
by Paula (about.com)

People are drawn to cyber-romances for the same reasons they are drawn to face-to-face romances - either they don't have a "real-life" love relationship, or there is something missing in their "real-life" love relationship. On the internet, they may indeed find what they are missing. Or, because of the partial anonymity of cyberspace - which allows lots of room for fantasy and imagination - they may only THINK they have found what they are missing.

The "exotic" and/or "magical" quality of a cyber-romances might be one factor that attracts some people. The lover's presence enters your home (or office) without the person physically being there, which feels very magical. People also enjoy the secrecy that an internet romance provides.

An internet romance can be carried out from home or office without the knowledge of others around us.

It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

The Problems
Online relationships can happen incredibly fast.

When involved online with someone, you don't experience the negative body language or warning signals that may occur when you meet face to face.

You are taking the other person's word on trust -
while he or she may be romancing four or five others with the same lines that you find appealing.

You may be giving a false impression of yourself due to disinhibition.

What Makes Bipolar People So Vulnerable?
Hypersexuality - hypersexuality is a real problem for the manic bipolar. Because it feels very good, and very powerful, it can be a driving force that propels all thought, all feeling, and all motive. Hypersexuality often causes us to engage in flirtatious, seductive behavior that we would never otherwise consider. Hypersexuality often causes us to abandon real relationships, and it can lead us into dangerous online (and offline) situations. Worst of all, it often causes irreparable damage to integrity, dignity, and reputation.

Perceptual problems - the bipolar often wrongly interprets subtle nuances in voice and body language even when having a physical conversation. In the surreal, artificial environment of the internet, those nuances are further limited by our inability to express them electronically. It's very easy for you - and the person with whom you are communicating - to misinterpret intentions and motives.

Poor impulse control - the desire to live in the moment (without consideration of future consequences) can be real a problem, especially during periods of mania and depression.

Poor self-esteem - bipolars often have a desperate need for attention, friendship, and validation from other human beings. These feelings make us very, very vulnerable to internet stalking, manipulation, and deceit.

Grandiosity - when afflicted with grandiosity, we think we have absolute clarity and can do no wrong. All of our decisions - even the horrifically bad ones - "feel right," and they all make perfect sense.

(be aware - many of these traits apply to psychopaths and narcissists also. Only a qualified mental health professional would be able to diagnose someone as Bi-Polar)

Part 2: Warning Signals and Self-Protection

Now suppose you have met someone via the internet who appeals to you. There are several precautions you can take and a number of warning signals to watch for - signals that can tell you the person on the other end of the chat, forum or email relationship is not what he or she appears to be.

How do you protect yourself?
Be aware of the red flags listed below.

Run your relationship past an unafflicted family member or friend for a second opinion. Listen to his or her responses. Tell your online partner up front that you will be doing this. If the online person insists that you keep the relationship a secret, it's a sure bet that there are troubled waters ahead.

If at any time your instinct tells you that something is wrong; even if you know or "think" you know that person... it probably is. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Internet Relationships: Red Flags
Some warning signs that you need to watch for in ALL romantic involvements, and especially on the internet with someone you have never really met:

Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you.

Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags.

Abusive or controlling behavior: Give and take, tempered by some compromise here and there, indicates that a relationship is healthy. However, if one of the persons involved wants everything on his/her terms, then serious problems can arise. Furthermore, there are those who will become verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive if they do not get their way.

Argumentative and irritating behavior: Some people are just contrary. They will question much of what you say to them, put their own twist on it, or challenge your every thought. Basically, they are full of themselves and feel that their opinion is the only one that counts.

Sexual behavior: If your online friend is pressuring you for cybersex, you just might ask yourself the question, "how many others have there been and how many more will there be?"

Inconsistent behavior: Watch for inconsistencies in information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, job, etc. Keep notes!

Avoidant behavior: Consistent failure to provide direct answers to direct questions.

No contact numbers: If you've progressed to telephone contact, and any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of:

• You have to page them for them to call you back.
• They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.
• You can only call during certain periods of time (if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone).
• They will only call you, therefore not allowing you to call them.

Protecting Yourself Online
You may enjoy flirting online with that 25-year-old blonde female hottie with the psych degree ... but imagine how surprised you would be to discover that the "young lady" you've been flirting with online, is really a balding middle-aged male factory worker with a beer belly? The sad fact is, the person that you are involved with could be lying to you.

Deception via internet is incredibly easy.

An exchange of pictures via email means nothing. Go slowly. Meet regularly in the same chat room with others around and see how your love interest treats those others - and how the others interact with him or her.

DO'S AND DON'TS OF INTERNET ROMANCE
It's important to remember that online we never really know who we're talking to or what they're real motives are. Until you can internalize that fact, the internet is a dangerous place for you to be spending time.

Safety on the Net
When giving out your geographical location, limit yourself to region only, rather than the exact name of the town, province or neighborhood.

NEVER, EVER give out your work or home phone number to unfamiliar people! Establish a LONG, LONG record of trust before agreeing to do this.

If you must talk on the phone, get the telephone number to a pay telephone near you, and arrange a time when you can be at that phone. Make sure the pay phone you select is able to receive incoming calls. Be Safe!!

If you're going to put your picture on the internet, you have NO reason to believe it's going to stay where you put it. In fact, anybody can right click on an image and take it from a web site. That person that you send it to just might decide to pass it on to friends, and who would know?

Remember, once you put it up, you have NO idea where it's going.

Don't brag. You're sending an open invitation to those who would defraud you, if you tell them you own a house or two, a few cars, etc. Limit how much information you give out!

When you settle on a single relationship, make sure you set up a secondary email account to be used just for this relationship. You can quickly shut it down should things seem not right.

Now suppose the person you have met has passed all the tests and you've decided to take the next step - a face-to-face meeting.

Don't assume that because the object of your affections has not tripped any warning lights during your online relationship, it is perfectly safe to meet.

Keep in mind that when chemistry is the strongest, you are the most vulnerable.

Before you dismiss an online relationship as "harmless," remember that the lack of accountability, the ease of deception, and the anonymity provided by the keyboard all make the online relationship a potential source of instability and even danger.

If you do decide to meet someone offline:

Always meet in a public place! Don't even agree that the parking lot is a good idea - you have NO PROTECTION from anything in a parking lot, and no, your car is NOT SAFE! You can be easily overpowered, you don't know if other cars in the parking lot are safe, and nobody from within another car is likely to see you.

Always tell a friend or relative where you will be and write that information down!

Never allow yourself to be picked up for the first meeting. If you don't own transportation, get a ride from a friend, take a cab, or bus. Do not become a statistic! It is never safe to leave your home with a total stranger or to give a total stranger your address - and no matter how well you think you know someone you met online, at this point he or she IS a total stranger.

Women - never leave your purse unattended, even if the person you are meeting offers to watch it for you. Contained within your purse or whatever you carry is not only the obvious personal information, but your car and house keys. You may not notice they're gone in time.

Never leave your drink on the table or bar! If you have to go to the bathroom, or leave for whatever reason, take your drink with you. If that is not possible, dump it out! Order a fresh one when you return. Rohypnol - commonly known as the date rape drug - is not the only drug you need to be concerned about.

If possible, get a cellular phone. Even if everything goes great, what if the unthinkable were to happen and you were followed home? Lock the car, drive to a busy lighted area, and don't open your car door for ANY reason unless you see the red lights of a police car in your rear view mirror ... and even then, only open that window about an inch. You are safe inside your car if you restrict access. The cell phone is your friend - use it.

Be very aware of your surroundings! Memorize important landmarks such as where the telephone is, park in a well-lit area, and ask someone to walk you to your car in the event the meeting does not go as well as you had hoped. You only have one life, protect it!

A NOTE ABOUT STALKING AND HARASSEMENT
Cyberstalking is defined as "the use of the Internet, e-mail or other electronic communications device, including IM services, to stalk or harass a person."

Cyberstalkers usually target their victims through chat rooms, message boards, discussion forums and e-mail. Cyberstalking takes many forms such as: threatening or obscene e-mail; spamming (in which a stalker sends a victim a multitude of junk e-mail); live chat harassment or flaming (online verbal abuse); leaving improper messages on message boards or in guest books; sending electronic viruses; sending unsolicited e-mail; and electronic identity theft.

Online stalking can be a terrifying experience for victims, placing them at risk for psychological trauma and possible physical harm. Cyberstalking shares important characteristics with offline stalking. Many stalkers - online or off - are motivated by a desire to exert control over their victims and engage in similar types of behavior to accomplish this end. In many documented cyberstalking cases, the cyberstalker and the victim had a prior relationship, and the cyberstalking began when the victim attempted to break off the relationship.

Many cyberstalking situations do evolve into off-line stalking, and a victim may experience abusive and excessive phone calls, vandalism, threatening or obscene mail, trespassing, and physical assault.

Experts suggest that in cases where the offender is known, victims should send the stalker a clear written warning. Specifically, victims should communicate that the contact is unwanted, and ask the perpetrator to cease sending communications of any kind. Then, no matter the response, victims should under no circumstances ever communicate with the stalker again.

As soon as you suspect you are experiencing online harassment or cyberstalking, start collecting all evidence and document all contact made by the stalker. Save all e-mail, postings, or other communications in both electronic and hard-copy form. Record the dates and times of any contact with the stalker. If the harassment continues, you may wish to file a complaint with the stalker's Internet service provider, as well as with you own service provider.

Finally, under no circumstances should victims agree to meet with the perpetrator face to face to "work it out," or "talk." No contact should ever be made with the stalker. Meeting a stalker in person can be very dangerous.

from - about.com

HOW TO AVOID LETTING A ONLINE PREDATOR PLAY WITH YOU

by CAZimmy818@aol.com

#1. If he sounds too good to be true, guess what, he is!! He may just be 'mirroring' and profiling you while he moves in on you emotionally & spiritually.

#2 Make sure your antennas are in good working order, and when they talk to you, LISTEN CLOSELY. Don't bypass any red flags or a rise of your antennas. Don't tell yourself men are just 'that way' or you are 'making too much of' something.

#3 Don't center your life around this new friend. Fact of the matter is, he is just words on a screen. Keep up with friends in the real world

#4 If he tells you he loves you before meeting him face to face, don't believe him, they are only words to him; he doesn't feel them!!

#5. If he gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. Run as fast as you can, and hide too. Would you truly want to live your life with one crisis after another?

#6. Before you go to private IM's with a new friend, spend time in the group chats with him and see how he interacts with other women, and continue to go to chats with him, even as the private friendship progresses !!

#7. Stick pretty close to home. Someone who you could meet for lunch, think about it, could be up to as much as 3 hours away !! If he refuses to meet you - WARNING!!! He's hiding something.

#8. All players have a mean streak underneath all that mush. Given time it will surface and when it does, don't ignore it! Does he pout or give guilt when you argue or set boundaries (you say: I need a few days to think about it.... and yet he continues to email or IM you)? Or when you're arguing, does he insist on staying on the computer when you try and phone. If you listen closely on the phone, you just may hear amusement in his voice! Or does he drop offline for days (probably blocking you while chatting to others) when things don't go his way?

#9. Seems that players move fast & quick with the: "I love you's, this was meant to be, it is God's plan, you are my soulmate, we are building a foundation for our love, let's tear down walls and build bridges," etc. Face it, ladies, this happens only on rare occasions and you don't fall in love with someone you have NEVER MET and spent time with.

#10. Even if you KNOW him (from an old job, school, old neighborhood) - if he pushes for quick sex, says he can't control himself, has to be with you - after not seeing or speaking to you for years - LOOK OUT!! This isn't the person you thought you knew.

#11. Surf a couple search engines on his name and nickname(s) and read EVERY PAGE THAT COMES UP... you'd be surprised what is on page 47!!

These men TARGET lonely women in bad marriages/ relationships, who may be abused, vulnerable, naive, middle aged, low self-esteem, disabled, single mothers and/ or are financially stable (so they can empty your bank account) and so on!!

A NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE IS NEEDED!

THE ABSOLUTE NEED FOR A MARRIAGE DATABASE

Fight Bigamy says:
"Our archaic system is failing in our transitional, wireless-based society of today. Moreover, Internet dating sites have given many of these predators a whole new supply. Our fragile system is taken advantage of by serial bigamists sociopaths and con artists." (and Cyberpaths!)

Click here to read this whole article

~~~~~
"So how do they do it? First of all, sociopaths are experts at sizing up a person’s vulnerabilities. Secondly, they are professional manipulators.

Sociopaths are fluent liars. They sidestep questions and always have a plausible answer when discrepancies are noticed. They create authentic-looking documentation. They imply that other people vouch for them, and actually convince other people to cover for them. They keep people apart so it’s impossible to compare notes.

As a result, it is extremely difficult to spot the deception of a sociopath.

The point of a marriage database is to make the public records searchable."

EXCERPTED FROM THIS WONDERFUL ARTICLE - CLICK HERE

Definitions of a "Player"

WHAT IS A PLAYER?

There are many different (and overlapping) types, but if any of these sound familiar to you, "red flag" them.

Married - The most common type of Player is without doubt the "married" one, but who never tells you he is married. "red flags" to look for - won't give you his home phone number only his mobile, won't give you his address, or can only chat to you during the day ("red flag") is talking to you from work rather than from home.

Married, but - 'wife neglects me, no sex life left' , etc. "red flag" in most cases the only type of relationship you will have will be a "dead end" one full of lies.

Mr. Blowhard - definitely a "red flag" - all he wants is an audience to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery, or he has a promising career, brilliant future etc., but all snatched away from him due to an accident or serious injury. He needs your sympathy, and when you get tired of listening, he'll just move on to find a new audience.

Hit & Run Player - another "red flag" usually the younger guys just practicing or fine tuning their chat up lines. You will probably receive love poems, links to the most romantic places on the net etc. Very easy to believe they really love only YOU.

Body Surfers - These guys are easy to spot. The broach the subject of sex early in the relationship. - They are only looking for sex … phone sex, cyber sex, pictures, videos or real sex.

The Globe Trotter - Single/married players who travel for a living. They usually have a laptop as well as access to computer at home/work. They are looking to find women who live "on their appointed rounds" (easy to find doing an advanced search of profiles). Some of these guys go so far as to "say" they have big jobs like working for a millionaire or celebrity, they are in the FBI or CIA, etc. They then IM or e-mail you saying they are intrigued by your profile etc., and how much in common you seem to have. After they have you chatting a few times amazingly they will happen to be in your area next week and could they come and see you. Once hooked they can add you to their visiting list (saves spending lonely nights in an hotel!!).

Mr. Big - They usually own their own business (they use that as "bait" which we are meant to translate as "I'm a good catch". Or they may let it slip early in the relationship that they own their own business, or they claim to be a lawyer, a doctor or other highly-paid professional. Now think about it. The same as us women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets so this man needs a "red flag" too. Can you really believe that a real Professional man would have the time to hang around in chat rooms.

The Sympathy Dog - He gives you a long sob story and then everyday there is a new crisis in his life. All he wants from you are daily "pity parties" - just don't fall for it.

Then we get onto the more serious Players, the real Con men who can cause you enormous emotional distress, harassment and stalking:

The Control Freak - He will also have a sob story and use your sympathy to manipulate you to get his own way. Stories you might hear - has a bad heart condition, or needs a kidney transplant, has cancer but it's in remission. These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" .. whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur: you added to his depression and he's feeling suicidal, he starts getting chest pains, he has to go on dialysis, the cancer comes out of remission. Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.

The Guilt Trip Player - If you don't fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on, then he will throw a temper tantrum. You will probably receive an e-mail from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you of course. Then this friend/relative will keep contact with you for weeks to come with details of the funeral and how devastated the family is etc. Or you will be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying (and you are supposed to feel very guilty about how you treated him. (Shame on you! LOL)

The Freeloaders - This type of player is looking for financial support. He will woo you and then suggest something like "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends, but I am prepared to move nearer to you." "Could I stay with you for a bit to check out the housing situation/job situation etc.". Big "red flag" comes to stay with you, has no money, alcoholic, drug addict says he'll change if you will just stick by him, help him out for a bit financially. Once in your home - you will have a real job to get him out again.

The Cyberpaths (Online Sociopaths) - These are the worse of the bunch... This type always looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women, widows, newly divorced, women recovering from a recent heartbreak etc. They lurk, using different screen names, in the widows, classmates.com, divorced, Al-Anon or mature chat rooms (40's, 50's 60's) They start out romancing you like a player does, but it's for an ulterior motive; they become obsessive and then they become the online harasser, the stalker... or worse.

Also a Cyberpath, the Emotional Hitchhiker - They generally look for their "sheep" in rooms that involve emotional support -- widows & widowers, divorced, disabled, abused etc. (really sensitive & vulnerable people). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has also been widowed or divorced and is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two different screen names (pretending to be two different people) - one who is a man falling in love with you: the other, a man who just wants your friendship. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their own death. You will receive an e-mail from a family member or friend informing you he: died in a car accident, sudden heart attack etc. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear first hand of your reaction: hear all you grief and complete devastation, getting a complete "high" from your emotions. OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal - of course and drag it out for six months or se, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their "very painful" death.

'Maze of Online Dating'

EOPC is publishing this to point on the chronic lying implicit in online dating. We believe the author minimizes the danger inherent here.

EOPC NEVER recommends or approves of Online Dating to meet people. Under ANY circumstances. Join a volunteer organization but NEVER Online Dating.

His online profile -- dark hair, 5'6", athletic build -- caught her attention and the e-mail exchange went well, so Carla Riemersma agreed to meet the 58-year-old Wisconsin man in person.

But the nonathletic, 5-foot-2, 64-year-old, bald man who greeted her on the date didn't exactly match his cyber persona.

"I'm looking for this stud-muffin, and it didn't quite turn out that way," Riemersma said.

Frustrating dates such as this inspired Riemersma, a 65-year-old college professor from the Hudsonville area, to start taking notes.

The result is her book, "What are the Odds? The Likelihood of Finding Love and Romance in Cyberspace." In it, Riemersma, shares her personal adventure and documents the pitfalls of looking for love online. She takes an academic approach to the topic with statistical research.

Riemersma, who teaches at Baker College and the University of Phoenix, spent about $500 for 15 months of online dating services, including Match.com, Yahoo.com, Sexy Ads, American Singles, Senior Friend Finders and eHarmony. She met more then 200 men, sometimes fitting as many as three dates into a single day.

To research the book, she spent four years reviewing 4,000 active profiles randomly chosen from several well-known Internet dating sites and conducted interviews with nearly 300 Internet daters. About a third of those participants were women.

She often would arrive at a meeting with her date's profile in hand to compare reality to what was advertised online. When people lied, she made a note of it. She found 97.5 percent of the online daters she interviewed were dishonest about their profile, with women most likely to fib about age and weight while men often fudged their age and marital status.

White lies
Riemersma calls it "cyber-truth" when people post a false age, weight or marital status in an effort to get a date.

... Now, she strongly advises people to be honest from the beginning if they're serious about finding a person to love them as they are.

TIPS
Dating detective work

Online dating tips from Carla Riemersma, author of "What are the Odds? The Likelihood of Finding Love and Romance in Cyberspace":

• Do not lie or exaggerate when writing your profile.

• Use a current photo.

• Avoid confusion -- list your ground rules for the first date in your profile.

• Do not give out personal information via the Internet.

• Use a cell phone instead of home phone if you decide to call your date.

• Once you know your date's name, do a Google or Yahoo search. Read ALL the pages.

• Always meet in a public place for the first date.

• Never consume alcohol on your first few dates, and monitor alcohol consumption of the person you are dating.

• Always tell someone where you will be during the first date, and make sure your date knows you're going to call that person during the date to say you're OK.

• Make sure you have your own transportation to and from the date.

"Eventually, you have to meet, and how do you explain the extra 20 pounds if you listed yourself as slim or athletic?" she writes.

She said about 60 percent of the men who stated they were single, separated or divorced still were married. So, she quickly developed a radar for men with tan lines on their ring fingers and indentations where a wedding band usually goes.

"It was so obvious," she said.

One guy showed up to a date with a bandage wrapped around his ring finger. She asked if he'd had a mishap with a saber saw. It turned out the man's finger was fine, but he was married.

Throwing in the towel
Terri Timmer, 52, of Grand Rapids, tried cyberdating for a few months, but gave up in frustration about a month ago.

In contrast, Ken Cote, 47, of Lake Odessa, has had pretty good luck meeting women online. ... It helps that he is a private investigator. He says he does background checks on his dates -- and he checks on the people his friends are dating, too...

Falsehoods
While Riemersma was researching her book, there were an estimated 40 million people dating online in the United States and more than 1,200 online dating sites. Those numbers continue to grow.

Original article here

Cyber-Scammer Causes Suicide

Divorcee kills himself after falling for £82,000 (~$128,000. U.S.) internet dating con

By Chris Brooke

When lonely divorcee Philip Hunt fell for a beautiful woman on an internet dating site he thought all his prayers had been answered.

She convinced him she was young, fabulously rich and if he could help transfer $2.9million from Nigeria to the UK then they could start a new life together, an inquest heard today.

Unfortunately it was all an elaborate scam that would cost Mr Hunt £82,000 and ultimately his life.

The 58-year-old was hooked on the fantasy of a future with the stunning 'Rose' and he willingly paid out tens of thousands of pounds to help her beat malaria and get her funds through customs and into the UK.

The cargo officer remortgaged his house, took out loans, ran up overdrafts and begged for cash from his employers after repeatedly transferring money across to the fraudsters' account.

Eventually he became so hopelessly mired in debt that he committed suicide by lying down in front of a train.

Although warned by a former girlfriend that he was the victim of a 'scam', Mr Hunt appeared to believe in Rose until the very end.

His mobile phone was found in a rucksack near his body and a text message to Rose - which was never sent - read: 'I'm cold, lonely and depressed, I'm so lonely without you tonight. Going to meet my maker..'

Twice-married Mr Hunt went online in search of love after splitting up with girlfriend of three years Lesley Smith.

He began exchanging texts and emails with Rose, who claimed to be living in Nigeria. She sent him a picture of herself and he quickly fell in love with the attractive white brunette.

Over the months that followed Mr Hunt was tricked into thinking Rose was seriously ill and in desperate need of his help. The prize was the rest of his life with her and her cash.

Each time he came close to arranging a meeting with 'Rose' the anonymous criminals behind the 'romance scam' demanded further cash for hotels, medical bills and travel expenses to the UK.

He even travelled to London to meet two of the fraudsters who claimed they needed money for an expensive solution which would magically turn scrap paper into $100 bills.

Mr Hunt met two 'agents' at the Travelodge near London's City Airport. He was greeted by two large men who opened a case containing scraps of black and grey paper.

One of the men then sprayed a note with a mystery substance which seemed to turn the filthy paper into a $100 in front of his eyes - convincing him to hand over more money to pay for the chemical spray.

Mr Hunt began wiring over money in December 2008. At one stage he asked to borrow £25,000 from his employer, a shipping company at Immingham Docks, but later retracted the request and resigned from his job.

His last contact with the fraudsters was in June last year and he died on August 13 when he was hit by a train and suffered multiple injuries.

Police investigating his death found a handwritten note at his home in Grimsby addressed to them, which read: 'I just can't take it any more.' They also found bundles of emails outlining the huge scale of the fraud and a message predicting his own suicide. He wrote: 'I have insurmountable debts and will take my own life.'

A jury at the inquest in Hull returned a verdict of suicide.

After the hearing former girlfriend Miss Smith said: 'These people are out to get people when they are very vulnerable, they are like vultures. I'd like to alert people to this so they can be aware and be cautious.

'Philip was a quiet and reserved gentleman, and he was very intelligent which makes it all the more unbelievable that he fell for this, but he was at a low ebb and they got him when he was most vulnerable.'

Detective Chief Inspector Danny Snee, of British Transport Police, said: 'People need to be very wary, if something looks too good to be true it usually is. They should be particularly wary about parting with money with someone they have never met, it just doesn't ring true.

'The demands for money for supposed medical bills, hotel bills and travel expenses were endless.'

He said a criminal investigation into the international fraudsters was ongoing, although no arrests have been made.

original article here

Another Online Predator Zeroes in on Lonely Woman

Yet again MORE proof: Stay off all online dating & personals sites. ALL of them are loaded with predators. - Fighter

Carolin Bush wanted companionship, but all the man she met online wanted was financial gain.

And he's still out there on internet dating sites looking for vulnerable women. So the Adrian woman turned to Call 11 for Action problem solver Mika Highsmith hoping to warn others.

Bush thought searching Yahoo Personals would be a good idea.

"Being on the computer, you get to weed out the ones you don't want... you are led to believe," Bush said.

She found someone she thought was the perfect match.

"A cute guy, he had a nice description and he was from Detroit."

But it turns out he actually lives in Nigeria -- and he's not looking for love. It seems what he wants is money.

"He needed me to Western Union him $2,000."

Lucky for Bush, she did her research.

"I googled him the week before and came across things that didn't add up."

She knew his stories were bogus and didn't fall for it -- now she's hoping to save others.

"Check them out before you even meet them. Be smart do your research. Don't give any guy any money. Have the guy wine and dine you. Go slow."

Bush has reported the guy to Yahoo Personals but there's no telling how many sites he's on. So if someone you don't know asks your for money, be smart and don't send it.

SOURCE

INTERNET RAT WHO NETS WOMEN WITH HUNKY PICTURES TRIES TO SCORE AGAIN

BIGAMIST PLOTS TO WED WIFE NO.3
By Billy Paterson

An internet rat is to wed a pretty Norwegian he met on the web - despite being married to TWO other women.

Weedy bigamist Kenneth Robertson snares his victims by posting pictures of hunky male models on internet chatrooms and pretending they are him.

Wives Jean Robertson, 37, of Cumnock, Ayrshire, and Donna Dettling, 46, of Seattle, USA, believe he kept TEN women on the go at the same time while married to them.

Robertson, 39, wed childhood sweetheart Jean in Cumnock Congregational Church in 1987. They had three daughters - but after he got his first computer in the late 90s, she became suspicious about the time he spent surfing the net.

Behind her back he seduced and then married American mum-of-four Donna and now he wants to marry Norwegian Elizabeth Kjaerland.

Jean warned : "He is going for wife No3. I have decided to go to the police and report him for bigamy. This woman Elizabeth doesn't want me to do that but why shouldn't I?"

After chatting Donna up on the net, Robertson went to Seattle and met her. They married at Thurston County Courthouse, Washington State, in September 2003.

Donna said: "I used to feel I was the most stupid person in the universe. But that title has been passed to Elizabeth. She knows he is a bigamist but still thinks he can do no wrong. I hope she will read this in the Sunday Mail and finally see sense. People ask me, 'What were you thinking, getting involved with a guy like that?' But I had just got out of a 10-year marriage. He knows your soft spots and how to manipulate you. The women he has been involved with through the internet are all mothers and that is no coincidence. He posted a picture of a hunk who turned out to be model Marcus Shenkenberg. But as soon as I heard his voice I knew it wasn't him. He has this weak, wimpy voice. You don't care what he looks like because at first he seems such a great guy."

Robertson visited Donna in Seattle in October 2002.

She said: "He told me that he was divorced and I had no reason to doubt him. We were married on September 8, 2003.I now know he is still married to Jean. After the marriage, things changed. He was mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. A detective dealing with the violence discovered that he was in the US illegally. He came over on a 90-day visa and thought, because we were married, he could stay. But the detective said that didn't matter."

Jean's solicitor Gerry Tierney said: "I imagine bigamy is also a crime in Seattle so he may face extradition to answer to that."

At his flat in Coatbridge, Robertson refused to comment before fiance Elizabeth slammed the door.

from: b.paterson@sundaymail.co.uk

(many thanks, as ALWAYS - to ONEOFSEVEN for this great find! - Fighter)