Spying on Partner's Email ILLEGAL

Spying on lover's e-mail? Monitoring may be illegal
Austin police have charged two recently with activity.

By Tony Plohetski

Shawn Macleod wanted to know where his estranged wife was going on the Internet and what she was writing in e-mails, investigators said, so he secretly installed a program called SpyRecon on her computer that sent him electronic logs with the sites she had visited and messages she had sent.

His spying resulted in a four-year prison sentence.

Software programs created to monitor computer activity have grown in popularity in recent years as parents have sought ways to prevent children from accessing adult Web sites or e-mailing possible predators and as businesses have tried to curtail the time employees spend on the Internet when they are at work.

Others, too, have found a use for the software: Scorned lovers can track where their spouses or partners go online, whom they are e-mailing and what they are saying — all possibly in violation of the law.

Austin police considered Macleod's actions tantamount to illegal wiretapping and charged him with unlawful interception of electronic communication, a second-degree felony that can carry a 20-year sentence. Macleod pleaded guilty in May.

"It's pretty alarming," said Macleod's attorney, Johnny Urrutia.

Urrutia said he would be surprised if his client knew that what he was doing was against the law.

Doug Fowler, president of SpectorSoft Corp., which manufactures an Internet monitoring program called eBlaster, said law enforcement agencies nationwide have in recent months sought company records during criminal investigations, hoping the documents would show who installed the software on victims' computers.

In New York this year, a sheriff's deputy was found guilty of eavesdropping after investigators said he spied on the computer activity of a neighbor he thought posed a threat to young girls in their neighborhood.

The deputy was sentenced to five years of probation.

In California, a man was indicted on federal charges in 2005, accused of manufacturing, advertising and sending a program called Lovespy.

In that case, victims received an electronic greeting card that, when opened, would record e-mail messages and the Web sites they visited.

Austin police in recent months have charged two men, including Macleod, with the crime. The second case, filed last month, is pending.

Detective Darin Webster, who works in the department's high-tech crime division, said investigators also have looked into several other cases that didn't result in charges because the evidence had been destroyed or they couldn't conclusively determine who had installed the spyware.

"The problem itself isn't the software," Webster said. "The problem is how the software is being used. ... And in the cases I've seen, there are warnings on there that it may be against the law. In Texas, it is."

State law says it is illegal to intentionally intercept spoken or electronic communication.

The law grants some exceptions, such as to switchboard operators who might hear part of a conversation while doing their job.

The law doesn't address certain questions about computer spyware, such as whether it is legal to install the equipment on a jointly owned computer without the consent of the second owner.

Employers typically have workers sign waivers acknowledging that they know the company computers are monitored.

Parents, as guardians of their minor children, are allowed to monitor their children's activities.

According to court records, Macleod's estranged wife, Kristy, reported to police in August 2005 that she suspected he was monitoring her computer use.

A detective using a fake name sent Kristy Macleod an e-mail offering to buy the couple's pool table.

A few days later, Shawn Macleod confronted Kristy Macleod about the e-mail, according to a probable cause affidavit.

Detectives searched the computer and found SpyRecon software on it, according to the affidavit.

Kristy Macleod could not be reached for comment. Company officials for SpyRecon did not respond to an interview request.

In an online advertisement, the company asks, "Have you ever needed to secretly read the e-mail of your child or spouse?"

In the second case Austin police filed, investigators said Alexis Lugo, 29, installed eBlaster software on his ex-girlfriend's computer.

An affidavit in that case said Kara Winebright called Austin police and reported that she thought Lugo had hacked into her computer and changed the password on some of her accounts.

Winebright said she had broken up with Lugo and later had discovered some unusual activity on her account with eHarmony, a dating Web site. She checked her other online accounts and found similar problems.

Police searched her computer and found the eBlaster software.

Ordinary anti-spy software might not detect such programs, but checking to see which programs and files have been downloaded to hard drives should reveal them, said Fowler, the manufacturer of eBlaster.

Fowler said his company intended for the software to be used only by parents or businesses, not by spying spouses or partners. The company marketed the product that way several years ago but stopped, he said.

"We ultimately decided that it wasn't a market we wanted to participate in," Fowler said. "There are certainly those who buy the software for this kind of thing. But we don't encourage it."

SOURCE

ONLINE STALKING & VULNERABILITY

by Greg Voakes

The Internet is typically our go-to destination for gathering information about long lost friends, family, even ourselves. We know our friends and foes do it too, but we tend to think "stalking" in non-threatening ways. Maybe we’ll reconnect with an old friend or co-worker. Perhaps someone we didn’t like in grade school will be jealous of our accomplishments. The truth is that we never think about the dark side of sharing online – identity theft.

Just consider the vast amounts of personal data that gets posted online every day:

• Status updates on Facebook and other social sites
• Tweets about our favorite activities, vacation plans, professional conferences, and other plans
• YouTube videos taken inside and outside our home, about our kids, friends, pets and property
• Our comments on blogs and newspaper websites, where we log in using our Facebook accounts
• LinkedIn profiles about previous jobs and schools
• Every Google+ comment ever made, and link ever posted
• Online petitions you’ve signed
• Wedding gift registries
• White page listings for every address you’ve ever lived at

When you add it all up, this is a pretty comprehensive list of sources where a hacker could find almost any piece of personal information. If you are Facebook friends with your mother, even her maiden name is easy to figure out. Take a moment to search for yourself, and you’ll see that all of this information is online, accessible in seconds.

Why does any of this matter? It matters because we have consistent online habits that hackers love to exploit. We use the same passwords for many websites because we are too lazy to remember unique ones every time. All it takes is one website with weak security and our passwords can become public. Once a hacker has your email address and password, they can gain access to your social media accounts, steal from your bank accounts, scam your friends and relatives, and do some real damage to your life. Identity theft isn’t something you want to experience.

More than 400,000 Yahoo passwords were leaked online a few weeks ago. If it happened to you, even if you’ve changed your Yahoo password, the bad guys – hackers, thieves, criminals and stalkers – can use that same password to break into other accounts. Last month it was 4 million LinkedIn passwords. Last year it was Sony and eHarmony. Data is never 100% safe, no matter how secure websites claim to be.

We need to be more careful about both our personal security and the information we share. Once we post it, it stays online forever. We can’t use passwords and security codes that include addresses, our kids’ or pets’ names, important dates, favorite movies, hobbies, or other things can be easily figured out based on personal information. We also have to make sure that our offline lives, including our homes, cars, and offices, are protected by a reliable security company. All it takes is one careless website to cause a major security breach in our lives, one which can be exploited by criminals online and in the real world. Even though we know our acquaintances will harmlessly stalk us online, we need to make sure hackers and thieves can’t get access to the important data that could be used against us.

original article found here

Technology Makes Stalking Too Easy

Beware of how technology can make it easier to track you
by Aimee Heckel

He e-mailed her a photo of himself holding a gun with a Google map of her house, she says.

He threatened to come to Colorado and rape her.

He threatened her kids, and called her son derogatory names.

That's when Amber decided to get a restraining order, wipe away her entire online presence and start over. Hopefully this time, she says, he won't find her.

But it's hard to erase all virtual footprints, says the 30-something local woman who asked to remain anonymous for her safety. After all, the man whom she accused of cyberstalking her found her address, phone number and boyfriend's e-mail address without her help. All she did was accept him as her Facebook friend; they never met in person, but he seemed friendly as he moderated a Facebook group that she joined.

She will never let a stranger into her life like that again, Amber says.

"I was scared for a minute, honestly, but then I was just pissed off," she says. "He touched a nerve, for sure."

As Americans become increasingly more plugged in, it has become easier for perpetrators to use that technology for nefarious purposes, according to law enforcement. For police, this changing face of partner violence demands innovation and constant training to keep up with the trends. But it can also open up new avenues to trap cyber-perps, and even help tech-savvy victims protect themselves and secure a stronger court case.

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates hundreds of thousands of people have been victims of cyberstalking.

One study found about one-third of college students reported some kind of computer-based harassment, but experts say more research is needed. Plus, harassment can just be a one-time incident, unlike stalking, which generally indicates a pattern of events.

Stalking becomes illegal -- beyond curious browsing through pics or Googling a lost love -- when the repeated contacts are coupled with a credible threat, or when they cause the victim "serious emotional distress."

Officials say cyberstalking cases are extremely underreported. Boulder County doesn't track cyberstalking specifically, but the district attorney's office reported 29 felony stalking arrests last year. Many of them involved technology.

Johnson conducts statewide trainings on tackling cyberstalking. He's considered one of the most computer-savvy DAs across the state.

"A lot of stalking is vested in power and control," Johnson says.

Unlike Amber's case and the high-profile news stories about delusional fans stalking celebs, Johnson says most cyberstalking cases don't involve strangers.

In February, a 37-year-old Boulder man was arrested on suspicion of breaking into his ex-girlfriend's apartment for several months and installing voice recorders in her home and spyware on her computer to monitor her.

One local man, a pilot for Frontier, was accused of stalking a flight attendant coworker, remotely accessing her e-mail, creating fake online personalities and hacking into her work account to learn her flight schedule. He was convicted and is currently serving a one-year sentence with 10 years probation, officials say.

Johnson is currently working on a case involving a City of Longmont employee who was arrested on suspicion of using an online dating site to find women and then stalk them, according to Johnson.

Johnson says the man dropped hints throughout the relationships about his roof-repair skills, and when the relationships went bad, he sabotaged their appliances and drilled holes in their roofs so they'd call him for help.

Johnson says it seems every cyberstalking case involves new and different kinds of technology.

One of the most popular techniques: installing a keystroke logger on a computer or cell phone to record what a person types, including passwords and e-mails. Some software can even turn on cameras and speakers remotely and monitor every phone call.

That's just the beginning.

Tracking devices, or GPSes, are another "favorite way to stalk," Johnson says. In one local case, a stalker bought a wristwatch embedded with a dime-sized GPS unit, designed to help parents keep track of their children. The man removed the device and sewed it into the lining of a woman's coat so he could follow her.

Often, GPS units installed on cars disrupt the vehicle's electrical system. In the past year, Johnson says Boulder County has seen five cases where people brought their cars in for service and the auto shop found a tracker on the car.

Then there are products like Spoofcard.com, a calling card that changes the phone number that shows up on caller ID, changes the caller's voice and records the calls.

From the Web site's testimonials:

"I've used the Spoof caller id when my boyfriend (during that time) was just ignoring my phone calls (even when i blocked my number) he still didn't answer. ... I called my exboyfriend with HIS house phone number and HE HAD ANSWERED the phone call without hesitating!! and he was just tripped out about it. he had thought that i was AT HIS HOUSE!! which i found quite exciting!!"

Although the number of stalking cases in Boulder County is down from 2006, authorities agree stalking isn't on the decline.

Without a doubt, it's increasing, says Tom Eskridge, a partner with the High Tech Crime Institute in Florida, which trains law enforcement and military in digital media investigation and forensics.

"More people are becoming comfortable with technology, and more software is sold under the guise of protecting your children," Eskridge says. "But 99 percent is sold to people who want to spy on the wife."

He says law enforcement has seen an increase in the number of "portal devices" (such as cell phones or laptops with wireless Internet access) seized and examined for civil cases, often involving someone stealing intellectual property from a company.

"The data mining that's available -- you don't have to waste money on LexisNexis anymore. You have Google. You can get most everything you need," Eskridge says. "The days of privacy are over."

A constant race
This leaves police in a constant race with ever-evolving technology. Boulder County has a dedicated unit for computer forensics. Instead of looking for floppy discs and bulky hard drives, investigators now search for thumb-sized SIM cards, MicroSD memory cards, international servers that complicate search warrants and muddle the laws or Internet-based storage, referred to as cloud computing.

"The law doesn't protect you internationally. I put it in the cloud, and you don't know where it's at. Now what are you going to do with your law?" Eskridge says. "There is no supergalactic Internet police."

But in the same way that technology makes it easier for stalkers to track victims, it can help police follow the trail of stalkers. Think back on the different devices that perpetrators use: GPSes, Spoofcards, spyware, fake e-mail addresses and Facebook pages. Police can use all of these, too, says Johnson.

"We're using technology to catch these guys. Although they might be savvy, there's so much on a computer that will trap you," Johnson says.

He refers to a local man was arrested on suspicion of stalking his girlfriend and her teenage daughter. The man was accused of taking compromising photos of the girl through a peephole in her wall, editing the photos to look vulgar and sending them to her friends.

But technology -- a court-ordered tracking device on his car -- ended up catching the man and helping the case against him, Johnson says. The man's sentencing is Sept. 3.

Victims can use technology to protect themselves, too, Johnson says. If you're being harassed, he recommends saving instant messages, e-mails and voice mails. Block calls and e-mails. Turn on your Web cam when you're gone if you think someone is sneaking into your house or installing stuff on your computer. Or pick up a night-vision, motion-activated wildlife camera at a sporting goods store, and mount it to your porch.

The easiest thing to do is change passwords and user names, and pay attention to what you do on your computer.

"If you're surfing online for a restaurant, and then you go and that person is there, make that connection," Johnson says.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence recommends stalking victims use public computers at a library or coffee shop to avoid keystroke-capturing.

And although it might be impossible to prevent, make it more difficult to be stalked, advises Eskridge. Don't put personal info on your Facebook or Twitter, like your birthday, e-mail address or your live location, which just broadcasts that your house is empty.

"You've got people who put so much personal info about themselves, pics of themselves, and some weirdo happens upon your site and falls in love with you. Now, Houston, we've got a problem. And a lot of it is our own doing," Eskridge says. "Let's step back and think: What did we gain by putting that info on the Internet?"

original article here

AND UNFORTUNATELY MANY POLICE, ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, OFFICIALS and OTHERS - do not take this seriously; believe they will 'just go away' and ignore pleas for help. - EOPC

Browser Flaw Can Pick Up Your Porn Site Visits

Dozens of websites have been secretly harvesting lists of places that their users previously visited online, everything from news articles to bank sites to pornography, a team of computer scientists found.

The information is valuable for con artists to learn more about their targets and send them personalized attacks. It also allows e-commerce companies to adjust ads or prices — for instance, if the site knows you've just come from a competitor that is offering a lower price.

Although passwords aren't at risk, in harvesting a detailed list of where you've been online, sites can create thorough profiles on its users.

The technique the University of California, San Diego researchers investigated is called "history sniffing" and is a result of the way browsers interact with websites and record where they've been. A few lines of programming code are all a site needs to pull it off.

Although security experts have known for nearly a decade that such snooping is possible, the latest findings offer some of the first public evidence of sites exploiting the problem. Current versions of the Firefox and Internet Explorer browsers still allow this, as do older versions of Chrome and Safari, the researchers said.

The report adds to growing worry about surreptitious surveillance by Internet companies and comes as federal regulators in the U.S. are proposing a "Do Not Track" tool that would prevent advertisers from following consumers around online to sell them more products.

The researchers found 46 sites, ranging from smutty to staid, that tried to pry loose their visitors browsing histories using this technique, sometimes with homegrown tracking code. Nearly half of the 46 sites, including financial research site Morningstar.com and news site Newsmax.com, used an ad-targeting company, Interclick, which says its code was responsible for the tracking.

Interclick said the tracking was part of an eight-month experiment that the sites weren't aware of. The New York company said it stopped using the technique in October because it wasn't successful in helping match advertisers to groups of Internet users. Interclick emphasized that it didn't store the browser histories.

Morningstar said it ended its relationship with Interclick when it found out about the program, and NewsMax said it didn't know that history sniffing had been used on its users until AP called. NewsMax said it is investigating.

The researchers studied far more sites — a total of the world's 50,000 most popular sites — and said many more behaved suspiciously, but couldn't be proven to use history sniffing. Nearly 500 of the sites studied had characteristics that suggested they could infer browsers' histories, and more than 60 transferred browser histories to the network. But the researchers said they could only prove that 46 had done actual "history hijacking."

"Browser vendors should have fixed this a long time ago," said Jeremiah Grossman, an Internet security expert at WhiteHat Security Inc., which wasn't involved in the study. "It's more evidence that we not only needed the fix, but that people really should upgrade their browsers. Most people wouldn't know this is possible."

The latest versions of Google Inc.'s Chrome and Apple Inc.'s Safari have automatic protections for this kind of snooping, researchers said. Mozilla Corp. said the next version of Firefox will have the same feature, adding that a workaround exists for some older versions as well.

Microsoft Corp. noted that Internet Explorer users can enable a private browsing mode that prevents the browser from logging the user's history, which prevents this kind of spying. But private browsing also strips away important benefits of the browser knowing its own history, such as displaying Google links you've visited in different colors than those you haven't.

"It's surprising, the lifetime that this fundamental a privacy violation can stick around," said Hovav Shacham, an assistant professor of computer science and engineering at UC San Diego and one of the paper's authors.

Internet companies are obsessed with tracking users' behavior so they can target their ads better. Uproar has prompted the Federal Trade Commission to propose rules that would limit advertisers' ability to track Internet users to show them advertisements. The "Do Not Track" tool the commission is proposing could eventually take the form of a browser setting that tells advertisers which visitors are off limits; such a setting, though, wouldn't necessarily block history sniffing.

History sniffing is essentially a side-by-side comparison of Web pages you've already visited with Web pages that a particular site wants to see if you've visited. If there's a match, users likely would never know, but the site administrators would learn a lot about their audiences.

For instance, a popular porn site was checking its visitors' histories to see if they'd visited 23 other pornography sites, and the code used on the Morningstar and NewsMax.com sites looked for matches against 48 specific Web pages, all related to Ford automobiles.

Sites can carry on this kind of inspection very quickly. Grossman said modern programs can check as many as 20,000 Internet addresses per second.

original article here

Web Attacks Can Find Out Where You Live

Visiting a booby-trapped website, the bogus webpage designed for phishing, means inviting cyber attackers to your home, a hacker turned security researcher has warned.

The attacker exploits the shortcomings in many routers -- the device which forwards data packets to their destinations -- to find out a key identification number that can reveal the victim's whereabout in minutes, noted hacker Samy Kamkar said.

Demonstrating such an attack at the recently concluded Black Hat hacker conference in Las Vegas, Kamkar described how web attacks that begin with making contact with the target (user) can be used to find a person's physical location.

After making contact, the target is convinced to visit a booby-trapped website designed by the attacker. Once the victim clicks the attacker's link, Kamkar showed how the attacker can manipulate geo location data from Google to pinpoint a victim's precise location, the BBC reported.

Many people go online via a router and typically only the computer directly connected to the device can interrogate it for ID information.

However, Kamkar found a way to booby-trap a webpage via a browser so the request for the ID information looks like it is coming from the PC on which that page is being viewed.

He then coupled the ID information, known as a MAC address, with a geo-location feature of the Firefox web browser. This interrogates a Google database created when its cars were carrying out surveys for its Street View service.

This database links Mac addresses of routers with GPS co-ordinates to help locate them.

"This is geo-location gone terrible," said Kamkar during his presentation. "Privacy is dead, people. I'm sorry."

Mikko Hypponen, senior researcher at security firm F Secure, attended the presentation and said it was "very interesting research".

"The thought that someone, somewhere on the net can find where you are is pretty creepy," he said.

"Scenarios where an attack like this would be used would be stalking or targeted attacks against an individual," he added.

"The fact that databases like Google Streetview's Mac-to-Location database or the Skyhook database can be used in these attacks just underlines how much responsibility companies that collect such data have to safeguard it correctly," said Mr Hypponen.

In 2005, Mr Kamkar created a worm that exploited security failings in web browsers to garner more than one million "friends" on the MySpace social network in one day.

Prosecuted for the hacking, Kamkar was given three years' probation and 90 days of community service and paid damages. He was also banned from using the net for personal purposes for an undisclosed amount of time.

original article here

Policeman Caught Stalking Ex-Girlfriend

(FLORIDA) A Bunnell police officer who was fired is facing charges of using his work-issued computer to stalk his ex-girlfriend.

The complaints about officer Russell Nasby began in October, according to an Internal Affairs report released by the Bunnell Police Department.

The report says an ex-girlfriend told a Flagler County deputy that Nasby was stalking her though e-mails, phone calls and Facebook.

The ex-girlfriend refused to press charges, but a subsequent investigation revealed that the veteran officer had performed background checks on his ex-girlfriend, her new boyfriend and the deputy who first investigated the stalking allegations, according to the report.

Deputies searched Nasby's work computer and concluded that 75 percent of his Internet activity was for his personal use, according to the report.

Document: Officer's Disciplinary Action Report

The report says that Nasby visited dating sites such as Match.com, pharmaceutical sites that sell Viagra, and gaming sites on FloridaLottery.com.

Nasby recorded more than 3,600 visits to personal and dating Web sites while in his patrol car, while he was suppose to be on duty, according to the report.

The reports says that Nasby admitted to going to improper Web sites while on patrol. He also confessed to contacting his ex-girlfriend after she had asked him to stop.

Nasby's stepfather, Bob Costello, said that his 46-year-old stepson moved out of the home his address was listed as two weeks ago.

"I don't know anything about (Nasby's termination)," Costello said.

original article here

October is National Cyber Security Awareness Month

October marks the sixth annual National Cybersecurity Awareness Month sponsored by the Department of Homeland Security. The theme for National Cybersecurity Awareness Month 2009 is “Our Shared Responsibility” to reinforce the message that all computer users, not just industry and government, have a responsibility to practice good “cyber hygiene” and to protect themselves and their families at home, at work and at school.

Americans can follow a few simple steps to keep themselves safe online. By doing so, you will not only keep your personal assets and information secure but you will also help to improve the overall security of cyberspace.

It is Our Shared Responsibility to stay safe online.

SOURCE

PlentyOfFish User to Do Jail Time for False Charges

How many times do we have to tell it? STAY AWAY FROM ONLINE DATING! (Christian, Single Parents, supposedly "safe") - its all BAD NEWS!! - Fighter)


Kellye Stephens, 22, laughed and joked with friends in the Barre District Courthouse Wednesday. She was there to learn when she may be going to trial for felony perjury-- accused of creating false evidence that sent an innocent man to prison.

We gave her a chance to tell her side of the story.

Reporter Brian Joyce: I interviewed Mr. Anderson this morning by phone from Illinois and I'm here to ask you why you did this to him for a story tonight on Channel 3?

Stephens turned away and did not tell us why she allegedly framed 22-year-old Rick Anderson a year ago, sending him to prison for three months.

By telephone Anderson told us he is still uncertain why she did it.

"When I asked my lawyer about that he said, he said irrational hatred. So I'm just gonna stick with that," Anderson said.

Anderson says he met Stephens through the online dating service PlentyofFish.com a year ago. He says they went out four times but it didn't click and he saw her for the last time in April. So he was shocked two days later when she went to Northfield Police and claimed he was stalking her and sending her death threats via the internet. Anderson was arrested, charged with making death threats and stalking, and packed off to the St. Johnsbury prison.

"It was literally living hell... No one knew where I was at so I couldn't get a change of clothes," he said. "Why am I here? I'm innocent. That's what I'm thinking the whole time. I never did anything wrong."

Anderson couldn't afford the $10,000 bail so he languished in prison for 92 days.

That's when police computer investigators finally figured out that Stephens had written the threatening e-mails on her own computer and framed Anderson.

"It's a small unit and their workload is such that it wasn't at the top of their list. They had other items to examine before they got to this one," Washington County Prosecutor Tom Kelly explained.

Anderson was freed immediately.

"I got down on my knees and I thanked God the good Lord above," Anderson said.

Stephens was charged with felony perjury and reporting a false crime. Prosecutors say they will seek a sentence of at least 92 days in prison for her -- equaling Anderson's prison time.

"What she did really hurt my feelings. Especially because all I ever was was nice to her," Anderson said. "That it hurt my feelings. That's all I'd like to say that's all I have to say to that woman."

Now, Anderson resides in Illinois with his grandmother and he is unemployed. He has retained a lawyer and may sue Stephens.

Northfield Police were unavailable for comment Wednesday, but legal experts tell us there is little likelihood of success suing the police because they simply did their job.

No trial date has been set for Stephens, but it appears it would come in May at the earliest.

SOURCE

Yidwithlid /Dunetz's Classic Online Seduction Patterns Continued...

Continuing with Yidwithlids STUNNING example of online manipulation -- using R. Greene's THE ART OF SEDUCTION techniques of control & manipulation:

13- Disarm through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability
Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

Yidwithlid was BIG on #13. It got monotonous for us reading how many times he told Target #1 "I can't control myself around you" or just "I can't control." He spent a lot of time talking about how badly other women had treated him, asking Target #1 for advice about dealing with his cold wife who discouraged all his dreams.

As well as advice on dealing with his depression and ADHD. Yidwithlid spent a lot of time being very impressed with her knowledge, her empathy and her altruism. Here's some of the classic comments we got out of his chats with Target #1:

Yidwithlid: You are too good. You really help people

Yidwithlid: You are something special, you know that?

Yidwithlid: Why didn't we know we felt this way 26 years ago? .... saved us both a lot of heartache.

Yidwithlid: I am sorry I don't mean to hurt you. I can't control

Yidwithlid: I don't want to wierd you out

Yidwithlid: You just gave me the chills.

Yidwithlid went on to confess some wild things he'd done when he was younger. Sexually and just everyday. Yidwithlid did this to get Target #1 to talk about her past probably so he'd have something to use against her if he needed. (the abuser's secret weapon: F.O.G. = Fear, Obligation & Guilt)

Target #1 - I told him about things that only happened ONCE when I was younger. I told him I wasn't proud of myself and I know no longer drink or get high. Yidwithlid told me he did the same or worse. Now I know he was extracting 'confessions' from me to use at a later time. His 'confessions' got worse as time went on - about 3-somes and so on. I told him a few times "too much information!" His response "hey you told me x-y-z!" I felt so shamed I let him go on. Of course these confessions just made me feel worse - like I wasn't good enough for him. So I tried to be a little wilder - just to make him feel better! I thought I was in a private relationship, just him & me. What was happening to me?

Yidwithlid talked numerous times of how 2 of his family members abused him. At one point, after he got a new job, he spent time venting to Target #1 how much trouble he was having with someone at his office. He spent a lot of time asking her for input on how to deal with it. He also did the same about members at a community activity he was involved with. Target #1 told him he should "do more things for himself." Yidwithlid was painting himself as a selfless do-gooder; quite far from the truth.

Yidwithlid: They don't like me

Yidwithlid: I have always been a round peg in a square hole

Yidwithlid: I feel so alone sometimes

Yidwithlid: I should never have married [my wife] but something happened (of course he NEVER explained WHAT happened)

Yidwithlid: He's out to get me (about a boss)

Yidwithlid: I try to be a nice person - I don't get why people don't like me

14- Confuse Desire and Reality: The Perfect Illusion
It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream.

Yidwithlid: if only things were different

Yidwithlid: "it scares me how I feel about you" (this is an NLP Implanted Thought - i.e. 'I am scared so you should be, too.' It creates CONTROL of the Victim's emotions)

Yidwithlid: I know we were lovers in another life"

Yidwithlid: the cybersex with you isn't without emotion you know

Yidwithlid: I am so confused about you.... or .... I am full of confusion about us (this is another NLP Implanted Thought - i.e. 'I am confused so you should be confused, too.' It further muddles the thinking of the Victim)

Target #1 - I was constantly in a fog with him. Distracted. I couldn't get a straight answer and when I demanded one he blocked me on IM so I stopped asking. I could barely think. I had problems sleeping. I ended up on an anti-depressant just 3 months into our 'relationship'.

I finally confided in a friend about the whole thing - just to get some perspective. I had been badly abused, they said he was was making me feel good about myself and I knew him from before, therefore he was probably trustworthy. They all said the same thing, "no old friend would do this to someone they know." WRONG!

15-Isolate the Victim
Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you.

Yidwithlid implored the Target to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret. He would always ASK when her spouse or partner was gone or asleep.

He also asked her best friend not to talk to her about things he'd revealed to her! Separating friends!

Target #1 started taking some spirituality classes and he discouraged her saying it might not be 'good' for her.

(PAY ATTENTION AGAIN HERE READERS:)

Target #1 - As I said, what I did not know what that my estranged husband (who knew a lot about computers) had a stealth keylogger on the computer and was downloading EVERYTHING to his job. Not just the chat's with Yidwithlid - my emails, my chats with friends, my looking up stuff about divorce.

On Sept.13, 2002 - my ex sent myself & Yidwithlid an email that said "What do you two plan to do about this?" with a copy of a cybersex chat Yidwithlid and I had had. Yidwithlid disappeared. Zoom!! Told me 'its best if I go away.' This pushed my abandonment button big time.

My estranged husband started to abuse me worse. He would take out chats and read excerpts to my small children. (This was latter used against her ex husband during custody negotiations) He called me Yidwithlid's whore in front of my kids, physically pushed me around. I slept on the floor of my child's room for over 2 years after that and often I got up and could barely walk! It wasn't pretty.

One day at my attorney's later in Sept. 2002 - she handed me a huge packet of everything. Hard copies & disk. Everything my ex'd downloaded telling me my ex-husband still had it. I got the keylogger off but somehow, he was still downloading things here & there. At that time I had no idea how to even save a chat! After this I made it my business to learn more about computer security. I had been entrapped by my ex-husband on the one hand and blamed by Yidwithlid for ruining his fun. I felt like a caged beaten animal. I told Yidwithlid all this and he did nothing but stop giving me even emotional support. Zip... gone. Just like in college!! (No accountability, no 'nice guy' - just 'save his own a**')

When I moved myself & the kids away from my ex-husband I tried to get everything off the computer and did succeed. When things with Yidwithlid exploded in March 2004 I totally disconnected my computer for months afterward. I couldn't go near it - besides I was in the hospital and/or away. I smashed my webcam in my trauma, too.

I gave everything I had to the police; as they asked me to. EVERYTHING. I didn't have the energy to be selective because I was too traumatized. It was all out there, despite how embarrassed I was. The police got more off my computer and I think, Yidwithlids. They verified that nothing was edited or made up. They validated it and its all still on file with them and copies to me. Everything. I bet the cops downtown had a good laugh at my expense too but I deserved it for being so naive.

Key symptoms of a Psychopath/Sociopath:

1. Glib and superficial
2. Egocentric and grandiose
3. Lack of remorse or guilt
4. Lack of empathy
5. Deceitful and manipulative
6. Shallow emotions

Psychopaths can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming. To some people, however, they seem too slick and smooth, too obviously insincere and superficial. Astute observers often get the impression that psychopaths are play-acting, mechanically, "reading their lines".

Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars.

The sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side".

from www.findlaci2003.us

Psychopaths can be very sociable, even though they are antisocial behind their "mask" in the sense that their "emotions" are completely fake. They are masters at manipulating others for their personal gain. Their charm, in fact, is legendary.

Psychopaths are experts at using people. They can ask anything of anyone without embarrassment and because of their outgoing seducing friendliness, their use of "poor innocent me! I am such a GOOD person and I have been treated so BADLY!" the victim invariably gets sucked into giving the psychopath what they ask for - no matter how outrageous.

Psychopaths are masters at faking emotions in order to manipulate others. One psychologist reported that if you actually catch them in the act of committing a crime, or telling a lie, "they will immediately justify their actions by self pity and blaming another, by creating a heart-rending scene of faked emotional feelings." These fake emotions are only for effect, as the careful observer will note. The Psychopath considers getting their way or getting out of trouble using faked emotions as a victory over another person.

Psychopaths are incapable of feeling concern or remorse for the consequences of their actions. They can calmly rationalize their insensitive and bizarre behavior all the while attributing malice to everyone but themselves. When caught in a lie, they will manipulate others or stories to their own advantage without any fear of being found out - even if it is obvious to everyone around them that they WILL be found out.

Psychopaths cannot feel fear for themselves, much less empathy for others. Most normal people, when they are about to do something dangerous, illegal, or immoral, feel a rush of worry, nervousness, or fear. Guilt may overwhelm them and prevent them from even committing the deed. The psychopath feels little or nothing.

The psychopath seems to be full of something akin to deep greed. They manifest this inner state in many ways. One of the most common ways is to steal something of value to their victim (valuables), or to hurt/slander the victim or something or someone the victim loves. In the psychopath's mind, this is justified because the victim crossed him, did not give him what he wanted, or rejected him (or her).

Psychopaths lie for the sake of lying. They can convey the deepest heart-felt message without meaning a word of it. They can also tell the most outrageous stories simply in order to be at the center of attention and to get what they want.

The psychopath is obsessed with control even if they give the impression of being helpless. Their pretense to emotional sensitivity is really part of their control function: The higher the level of belief in the psychopath that can be induced in their victim through their dramas, the more "control" the psychopath believes they have. And in fact, this is true. They DO have control when others believe their lies.

Sadly, the degree of belief, the degree of "submission" to this control via false representation, generally produces so much pain when the truth is glimpsed that the victim would prefer to continue in the lie than face the fact that they have been duped. The psychopath counts on this. It is part of their "actuarial calculations." It gives them a feeling of power.

It is all too easy to fall under the spell of the charismatic psychopath. There are many who do the psychopath's bidding without realizing that they have been subtly and cleverly controlled. They can even be manipulated to perform criminal acts, or acts of sabotage against another - innocent - person on behalf of the psychopath. Very often, when this is realized by the victim, that they have caused suffering in innocent people at the behest of a liar, again they prefer to deny this than to face up to the truth of their own perfidy and gullibility.

from "A Natural State of Pschopathy", by Laura Knight-Jadzyk

(As we said, we asked Target #1 for the chats and she sent them to us. EOPC decided what to use and Target #1 also gave us written permission what to use & not use. She also sent a letter to law enforcement that this site may be using these chats with the express direction NO REAL NAMES, LOCATIONS OR INFORMATION BE INCLUDED IN THIS EXPOSE, which we agreed to. These chats were loaded with "word salad" and phrases to create cognitive dissonance by Yidwithlid)

16-Prove Yourself
Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.

Yidwithlid had plausible explanations for everything. Over the course of the chats, Target #1 repeatedly tried to normalize the relationship by asking that they get together and meet each others families. Yidwithlids reasons for not doing it seemed plausible. Either he would promise it would happen eventually - or he would "love bomb" the Target and tell her having her meet his wife would make him crazy - so she felt guilty for even asking.

Target #1 - the worst was the mixed messages. Yidwithlid was constantly sending pictures of himself with his wife & kids or just of his kids. He wanted to see mine too. I kept saying why don't you just calm down and meet them?

It was painful to see pictures of an old friend and their family and not meet them. None of my old friends that have gotten in touch with me have done this. I know them all and their families. It hurt. Bad.

Finally he was talking about one of his children and I said "I would really like to meet them." I remember his exact response, "That will never happen." I was torn up inside. It was one of the times I didn't chat with him for a number of weeks. I was insulted. He made me feel like I was garbage - of course he apologized profusely later with his "I know I can't control around you" mantra. As if I was the REASON he was doing everything he did. I felt so RESPONSIBLE!

17-Effect a Regression
People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.

Yidwithlid systematically fed Target #1 the sort of verbal and emotional support her abusive ex husband never did. He called her "talented", "beautiful", "unforgettable", "special" and so on. Of course Yidwithlid had fully profiled & lured her and knew where her vulnerabilities were. Yidwithlid knew she had a weak & fragile ego so he fed it to lure her in and bond her to him while he used & abused her.

Don't forget Yidwithlid and the Target #1 went to college together and he just 'happened' to find her on Classmates.com and "just had to write" her. This is what makes this particularly story interesting, because it doesn't happen often that predator & prey KNOW each other previously. (Yidwithlid now swears she was 'stalking him since college' - this is bold-faced LIE. We have proof that 1. Yidwithlid was the ONLY one with a Classmates.com paid account - which is how he got Target #1s email and 2. He wrote her first. He initiated the relationship, the cybersex, everything. HIM, not her.)

This type of exchange below happened, in one form or another, over 20 times in the first 5 months of the online communication between Yidwithlid and the Target:

Target: its just words
Yidwithlid: I don't say things I don't mean
Target: me either
Yidwithlid: I mean how I feel about you
Yidwithlid: I feel connected to you, drawn to you

Target: you could just be toying with me
Yidwithlid: It hurts to have you say that
Yidwithlid: you know me
Target: not recently
Yidwithlid: I would never hurt you never
Yidwithlid: I would do anything to make you happy

Target: I still don't know what to think about you
Yidwithlid: various states of emotion
Yidwithlid: and confusion
Target: who me?
Yidwithlid: no me
Target: you really mean everything you are saying to me?
Yidwithlid: I cant believe you are still asking me that question! (this of course, put Target on the defensive and dumped guilt and more confusion into the mix so she would stop examing what he was doing so closely)

18-Stir up the Transgressive and Taboo
There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

Yidwithlid lured & coerced the Target into cybersex and phone sex numerous times.

He also shame-dumped on her by REPEATEDLY telling her that it was HER that was making him feel this way and he had "never done this sort of thing with anyone else before","I swear to God" or it was "so wrong but feels so right"

Yidwithlid: I cant take it anymore
Target: what?
Yidwithlid: we need to get naked together
Target: are you sure about that?
Yidwithlid: why do you keep asking that?
Target: we are married to other people now
Yidwithlid: I need you (notice how Yidwithlid doesn't answer direct statements or questions??)

Target #1 - he would sometimes seem to ZONE out during chats. I would say, 'are you there?' or 'are you O.K.?' and the very next minute he would send me some porn clip from a porn site. Now I know he was either: writting up his latest 'hooker review' or watching porn. He wasn't even paying attention to me anymore - he was in a fugue of sex & depravity!

I tried to make a joke out of it asking him what a nice guy was doing with all that porn. He could click up free porn so fast it was frightening!!

He wasn't even reading what I was typing. It was like he was in a fugue. He just would send the porn and say "lets do this" or "would be interested in doing this."

Sometimes when I IM'd him first to say hi he would say - "can't talk... working" Now I realize that he was there watching and masturbating to porn. He would be watching porn while he was talking to me too. The sheer amount of porn and the speed at which he would send it to me was amazing.

I had a dial up service and he had broadband so I told him I couldn't download the stuff. I would glance at it and delete it as fast as it came in. I felt shamed so I said stuff like "yes, we could do that" so I wouldn't make him mad and he would run away.

When I told him my concerns that our whole online relationship was turning into only sex talk and cybersex he would 'remind' me of all the discussions we had about our children, jobs, people, spirituality, current events.... and I felt guilty. The one line that sticks out in my mind when I asked him what he wanted from more sex in his life he said "I don't want to take, I want to share" (remember that SHARE comment in this post? - During these chats, even FIGHTER lost count of the number of times Yidwithlid said this "SHARE" line!)

Yidwithlid did get very angry when I asked him where he was doing all this. A number of times I said "aren't your kids home?" or "can't your kids or wife hear you?" He got really snippy with me. Now I realize he had no boundaries. Yidwithlid was in the porn zone!

Target: if you are busy we can chat another time
Yidwithlid: no don't go
Target: Sorry your attention seems to be elsewhere
Yidwithlid: Im ADHD remember?
Target: ok
Yidwithlid: You always have my attention
Target: ok

Yidwithlid: I want to show you something
Target: oh?
Yidwithlid: [link]
Yidwithlid: its porn - don't watch it if you're offended
Target: what is with all the porn? LOL
Yidwithlid: I need relief
Yidwithlid: but I want real

AND REMEMBER if the potential cyberpath INSISTS that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more."

And if they INSIST on you KEEPING THE
RELATIONSHIP A SECRET - don't!! This is a DEAD giveaway

If something's for real - they will want to tell everyone and so will you!! Someone with nothing to hide will not beg you to delete things.

While Yidwithlid did not hide that he was married, nor did Target #1 - Yidwithlid did hide a serious sex addiction that encompassed a lot more than this online affair, as we will find out.

Target #1's only mistake was this relationship - she had nothing else to hide.

19-Use Spiritual Lures
Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid and I spent hours and hours talking about religion and God. I am deeply spiritual and have had some unusual life experiences that I don't share often. Its probably the one thing I truly missed when it all fell apart. Now I see he was sitting at his end laughing at me.

He made me feel very much at ease talking. Yidwithlid would ask me a lot of questions about evil, truth, ethics, my spiritual practices. At first he would say he didn't believe the way I did - but over time he seemed to be more open-minded. Yidwithlid told me he'd gotten much more religious in the last few years and his wife didn't like it - that she was "mad at him for bringing God into their house."

Now I know Yidwithlid was sitting there, taking it all in, continuing to profile me so he could be my perfect mirror. He would talk about how we had a special connection.

In a moment's notice he'd switch from this Spiritual Guy to Mr. HornDog... And silly me, I went right along with it. He kept telling me it was our SPIRITUAL CONNECTION that made him want me so bad. And I just agreed and even found ways to justify it.
Yidwithlid's psychological cruelty seemed to know no bounds. This exchange sounded heart-wrenching for the Target #1 (who had severe infertility problems on top of being disabled).

Target: I really would have liked more children
Yidwithlid: me too
Yidwithlid: but [my wife] didnt want more
(pause of a few moments)
Yidwithlid: if it was up to me
Yidwithlid: I would have done everything to give you all the children you wanted

At one point Target #1 finally tells Yidwithlid that unless he spents some just-friendly time with her, she was not going to just go to a hotel room and jump into bed with him. In that particular chat she made it clear she wasn't comfortable. What happened? Yidwithlid disappeared from chat for weeks - just BOOM - gone (he'd BLOCKED HER!!)

Typical predator - when he hadn't gotten what he wanted and his Target made a boundary - he withdrew himself and his attentions as a form of 'punishment.'

Target: lets get together for coffee or drink and start being friends again
Yidwithlid: no
Target: I don't understand
Yidwithlid: I still feel the same
Yidwithlid: I know I can't control around you
Yidwithlid: but if we get caught we are dead ducks
Target: caught at what? we haven't done anything!
Yidwithlid: I will have no control around you... I just know it

(once again, dangling the taboo and making the Target feel guilty and responsible for his 'control' problems. Also an Imbedded NLP command to make Target feel out of control also)

20-Mix Pleasure with Pain
The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

Yidwithlids frequent lines along the path of #20 here:
"If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore"
"if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"

Yidwithlid played come-to-me-go-away a lot, as we commented before. knowing Target #1 was scared of ending it. She needed the sympathetic ear and Yidwithlid knew it.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid would be unbelievably changeable in his moods. You never knew who you were getting. Sometimes he was downright insulting in his sarcasm.

When we had lunch he made a crack about my hair being colored. I don't fully color my hair and I told him so. He got annoyed that I called him on this.

Yidwithlid made a comment about most religious groups being male dominated. I told him I knew but in my opinion that was misogyny. He was visibly angry but said nothing.

On the way out of the restaurant where we had lunch I made a point of briefly touching his arm while I was talking. He glared at me for a couple moments like my hand was a red-hot poker.

He also would tell me how badly he 'wanted' me while at the same time PUSHING me to go back to my ex-husband or to "get laid." He tried to give me marital advice. Just after my ex found out about Yidwithlid and I's emotional affair - Yidwithlid told me he felt responsible. He was responsible! But then he said it would be better if we let it cool off for a while and I didn't see him online again for over a month!

(he'd blocked her)

My ex-husband was abusing me very badly, I was seriously depressed and Yidwithlid just ran away. No adult discussion, no friendship, nothing. Of course he made it seem like he was being very chivalrous by going away. I know now I was trauma-bonded to him because of it.

In January 2004 I was supposed to go to the hospital for 10 days for surgery. Yidwithlid had, in the first 18 months we were chatting - been very supportive of my disability and health problems. I mentioned to him in December 2003 I was scheduled for surgery. He didn't ask what for or why. Just said "sorry". Later in that same chat I asked him, since the hospital was close to where he worked - if he would come visit me at least. He didn't even respond. Thank goodness the surgery ended up being cancelled as some things resolved physically on their own. I was so despondent. What had I done wrong?

A handful of times I got suicidal about my situation. Between Yidwithlid and my ex - my brain was spinning and I felt terrible. My disability even got worse. The first couple times I told Yidwithlid I wanted to end everything he was very good about talking to me but one time I said I was feeling the darkness again and his response? "Maybe you are just doing this (saying I was suicidal) because you want my attention." WTF!! I cried for 2 days.

Of course then he'd come back and emotionally & sexually BOMB me again. I was a wreck.

21-Give Them Space to Fall: The Pursuer is Pursued
If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid told me when I would IM him first or be flirtatious with him that he didn't like it. He called me aggressive a couple times, which I really hated, and I told him so. Like a schoolyard bully - he just did it again.

A number of times on a voice program I called him "honey" or "sweetie" and he made me stop immediately. He told me he HATED cute names and it really turned him off. (remember this one readers!)

Yidwithlid refused to tell me his cell number. He asked for my home or cell number but he could never seem to 'remember' it. When we had lunch the one time, I was late. I had to park far from the restaurant and walk. And I don't walk very well. I gave him my cell number that morning but he never even called to see where I was. I showed up 1/2 hr late. Anyone else I would have called them and apologized - but I couldn't with him and he was very annoyed I was late. It was his own fault.

Oddly enough, my ex-husband had given me Yidwithlid's home phone number, address and work phone. He'd found it all when he download the chats between Yidwithlid and I because he was planning on filing charges on Yidwithlid or going to his home and talking to Yidwithlids wife. I had to beg my ex-husband not to do that, which meant I got abused worse. But I put up with it because I felt everything was my fault. But the point is, my ex had given me all of Yidwithlids information but I never once used it in 2 years I had it.

By the time the relationship blew up - Yidwithlid had me practically throwing myself at him. I look back now and think 'who was that! I never do stuff like that!' But I did. I was mortified at my behaviour but now I see it was all part of his manipulation. I was losing control of myself. Yidwithlid was probably sitting back laughing at every moment of it.

He made me forget that HE was the one who started the whole mess and HE was the one who INITIATED my interest. Yidwithlid told me he was only "protecting me from" him! But he wouldn't elaborate. Yidwithlid would only say "I am sick. I need help" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am" or "if you really knew me you wouldn't like me" but he would never be specific. He told me I would lose respect for him if I really knew him. It was just crazy trying to figure it all out.

22-Use Physical Lures
Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your voice-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust.

Target - Stupid me, I finally restarted the whole sexual thing - I was so upset by Yidwithlid telling me how lonely he was. I asked him why we didn't cyber anymore. Yidwithlid had no answer for me and repeatedly used the lines"If you want to" or "It's up to you." or "If it will make you feel better." (making Target #1 responsible for the sexual content of their relationship again!!!) Yidwithlid told me since we couldn't be together I should start dating or 'just go get laid.' This was a total change from the earlier talk about emotion, connection and spiritual union he laid on me. I couldn't reconcile that I was still legally married. I tried to spend a lot more time with my kids. Yidwithlid wasn't impressed - in fact, his talk started to sound like he was very bored speaking to me - so chats started to be shorter. Sometimes I cut them off because I just couldn't take his hurtfulness. This from someone who professed to be religious, moral & ethical.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want him to leave his wife. In fact I offered to help him find marital counseling, private counseling and I kept telling him I really wanted to meet her. I wanted some honesty & explanation for what was going on - but our relationship seemed to bounce around with his mood and I was scared of upsetting him. I didn't go and "just get laid" either. I am not that sort of person who can just sleep around for fun, or with someone for whom I have no feelings.

Yidwithlid stubbornly refused to acknowledge that I no longer loved my ex and I wasn't going to 'sleep with' someone who was abusing me. It didn't seem to compute with Yidwithlid.(because he was abusing her too!)

Then he started to talk to me about the sexual things he did with old girlfriends - it was hurtful but I was just so stunned I froze every time.

Yidwithlid was fixated on an ex-fiance and repeatedly told me he should have married her. Told me she did everything sexual including bringing her girlfriends home to be with him & her. I got this impression it was done to covertly say "YOU will never be good enough for me!" In college, we never really dated and he'd never given me a chance to have a relationship with him so how would he know? He got me pregnant and didn't care. The first time we had sex I had bleeding from bruising - he never called me the day after or any time after. I was nothing. He was doing the same thing now.

I was horrified and went into a denial that the ONLY reason he looked me up or even spoke to me was for sex. Free sex. Because he'd been unemployed and couldn't afford the pros. So look up that girl who had sex with you in college. And I was paying the price.

FOT 1 said she asked him around this time why he never pursued anything with me in college when he had the chance. His answer "Oh, I just didn't want to handle it." It would have been kinder if he'd just put a knife in me. I couldn't understand why I deserved the cruelty. My therapist told me he was mad at me that my ex-husband caught us!

Just before all the truth came out he came online one time to tell me he & his wife had had relations and he got very specific about everything they did. I blocked him for 3 weeks until he went to FOT1 and BEGGED her to intercede. I wrote him and told him he was out of line. That was his marriage and he had no business telling me that.

I told Yidwithlid that he needed to be a lot clearer about our relationship and what it was he wanted from me. I was really disgusted and wanted to end the relationship but just couldn't do it. His only response was to email me saying "I don't know what to say." He'd programmed me to feel so guilty that eventually I started talking to him again. Now I realize - he told me that just to mentally torture me, see how much I would take and still come back for more!

He kept sending me the articles he wrote. I would clean up his horrible English and spelling and sometimes tell him he needed to punch up certain areas. Of course later, he denied this but I still have his originals and my edits.

23-Master the Art of the Bold Move
Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

Let's let Target #1's comments prior to this and our comments speak for themselves on this one, shall we?

24-Beware the Aftereffects
Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. . If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.

We will follow up with the 'after-effects' (severe, permanent PTSD) from Yidwithlid's two years of torturing the Target and the truth coming out next....