CyberStalking - A Very Real Problem

(U.S.) Cyberstalking is defined as threatening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the internet and other forms of computer communications. It can involve the use of email, instant messaging, chat rooms, bulletin boards and/or other electronic communication devices to repeatedly harass or threaten another person.

The process of stalking a person in real life generally requires that the perpetrator and victim be in close physical proximity. Cyber stalkers can be across the street, the country, or the globe from their victims.

"Cyber stalking can cause the same kind of trauma to its victims as traditional forms of stalking," says Holly Quist, public health educator at the Chattanooga-Hamilton County, Tennessee Health Department. She continues, "But, behind a username, stalkers can be difficult to identify."

Most stalkers repeatedly change usernames and accounts to slow down or deter the identification process. The anonymity of the Internet makes it easier for perpetrators to carry out their attacks against their victims. The most popular targeted areas are: Live Chat or IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in which a user talks live with others, Message Boards (IM) and Email.

Cyber Stalking Prevention Tips:

• Never be gender specific- Use a neutral gender name. Use a nickname your stalker won't know if you create a new email account.
  
• Change your password often- Never share your password or personal information with anyone.
• Use the private settings on social networking sites and let friends know not to share your information.

If you do become a victim of cyber stalking, let the offender know that contact is unwanted. But when harassment continues, contact your local police authorities and collect evidence by documenting all contact by the offender.

Visit http://www.haltabuse.org for more information on cyberstalking and how to prevent becoming a victim.

The Rape Prevention Program of the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department focuses on reducing the number of rapes and educating the community on how to prevent rape from happening. Through partnerships with local domestic violence advisory boards and other local domestic violence agencies, the program is able to provide resources for contacts, educational materials, and programs. For additional information, please call (423) 209-8282.

"Annoying" someone via the Internet is now a Federal crime?

Annoying someone via the Internet is now a federal crime.

It's no joke. In 2006, President Bush signed into law a prohibition on posting annoying Web messages or sending annoying e-mail messages without disclosing your true identity.

In other words, it's OK to flame someone on a mailing list or in a blog as long as you do it under your real name. Thank Congress for small favors, I guess.

This ridiculous prohibition, which would likely imperil much of Usenet, is buried in the so-called Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act. Criminal penalties include stiff fines and two years in prison.

"The use of the word 'annoy' is particularly problematic," says Marv Johnson, legislative counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union. "What's annoying to one person may not be annoying to someone else."

Buried deep in the new law is Sec. 113, an innocuously titled bit called "Preventing Cyberstalking." It rewrites existing telephone harassment law to prohibit anyone from using the Internet "without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy."

To grease the rails for this idea, Sen. Arlen Specter, a Pennsylvania Republican, and the section's other sponsors slipped it into an unrelated, must-pass bill to fund the Department of Justice. The plan: to make it politically infeasible for politicians to oppose the measure.

The tactic worked. The bill cleared the House of Representatives by voice vote, and the Senate unanimously approved it Dec. 16, 2005.

There's an interesting side note. An earlier version that the House approved in September had radically different wording. It was reasonable by comparison, and criminalized only using an "interactive computer service" to cause someone "substantial emotional harm."

That kind of prohibition might make sense. But why should merely annoying someone be illegal?

There are perfectly legitimate reasons to set up a Web site or write something incendiary without telling everyone exactly who you are.

Think about it: A woman fired by a manager who demanded sexual favors wants to blog about it without divulging her full name. An aspiring pundit hopes to set up the next Suck.com. A frustrated citizen wants to send e-mail describing corruption in local government without worrying about reprisals.

In each of those three cases, someone's probably going to be annoyed. That's enough to make the action a crime. (The Justice Department won't file charges in every case, of course, but trusting prosecutorial discretion is hardly reassuring.)

Clinton Fein, a San Francisco resident who runs the Annoy.com site, says a feature permitting visitors to send obnoxious and profane postcards through e-mail could be imperiled.

"Who decides what's annoying? That's the ultimate question," Fein said. He added: "If you send an annoying message via the United States Post Office, do you have to reveal your identity?"

Fein once sued to overturn part of the Communications Decency Act that outlawed transmitting indecent material "with intent to annoy." But the courts ruled the law applied only to obscene material, so Annoy.com didn't have to worry.

"I'm certainly not going to close the site down," Fein said on Friday. "I would fight it on First Amendment grounds."

He's right. Our esteemed politicians can't seem to grasp this simple point, but the First Amendment protects our right to write something that annoys someone else.

It even shields our right to do it anonymously. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas defended this principle magnificently in a 1995 case involving an Ohio woman who was punished for distributing anonymous political pamphlets.

If President Bush truly believed in the principle of limited government (it is in his official bio), he'd have realized that the law he signed cannot be squared with the Constitution he'd sworn to uphold.

And then he'd repeat what President Clinton did a decade ago when he felt compelled to sign a massive telecommunications law. Clinton realized that the section of the law punishing abortion-related material on the Internet was unconstitutional, and he directed the Justice Department not to enforce it.

Bush had the chance to show his respect for what he calls Americans' personal freedoms. Now we'll see if the new president rises to the occasion.

It's illegal to annoy

A 2006 federal law states that when you annoy someone on the Internet, you must disclose your identity. Here's the relevant language.

"Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person...who receives the communications... shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We felt this is going to be VERY hard if not impossible to enforce under Constitutional rights. And in the 2 years since it was signed - we were proved right.

Also the person who says they are being harassed - would have to legally disclose their relationship to the harasser during any discovery period and why the alleged harasser is doing it. (Most of our exposed cyberpaths? That's the LAST thing they want -- UNLESS they can twist history in their favor; which they can't - unless they are completely delusional)

Another good reason to always surf on a person's name or nickname before getting involved with them and saving ALL chats with them once it goes over the boundaries of simple conversation (i.e. 'love', cybersex or emotional affairs)

Cyberpaths would be out of luck! - Fighter

Technorati Tags: cyberharassment, online,free speech, abuse, federal crime, Justice Department, annoy, threaten

Lori Drew - Happy Now vs. Megan Meier - Still Deceased

The law refuses to press charges against Lori Drew. Still.

EOPC knows our adult victims receive the same lack of responsiveness from law enforcement about this. Victims who read the article below will see a lot of how their predator/ cyberpath got to them.

Lori is quite happy about this, according to her lawyer.

Megan Meier is still quite dead because of her.

Need we say more? - Fighter


"Of course she's happy! She just got away with MURDER!" - anonymous
When the Bullies Turned Faceless
By CHRISTOPHER MAAG

LIKE most mobs, the one that pursued Megan Meier was cruel and unrelenting. Its members gathered on the social networking site MySpace and called Megan a liar, a fat whore and worse.

Megan, 13, fought back, insulting her tormenters with every profanity she knew. But the mob shouted her down, overwhelming her computer and her shaky self-confidence with a barrage of hateful instant messages.

“Mom, they’re being horrible!” Megan said, sobbing into the phone when her mother called. After an hour, Megan ran into her bedroom and hanged herself with a belt.

“She felt there was no way out,” Ms. Meier said.

Megan Meier’s suicide made headlines because she was the victim of a hoax. Lori Drew, another mother in the neighborhood, said in a police report that she had created a MySpace profile of a boy, an invention named “Josh Evans,” and that she and her daughter had manipulated Megan into thinking that this fabricated person liked her.

Then, after a few weeks, Ms. Meier said, girls posing as Josh wrote MySpace messages telling Megan that he hated her. He insulted her, and other girls — most unaware that Josh did not exist — viciously piled on. (Later, through her lawyer, Ms. Drew, 48, denied knowing about the hoax.)

In some ways, the hoax was a tragic oddity. Most mothers don’t pull vicious pranks, and few harassed adolescents become depressed and commit suicide. But Megan’s story is also a case study about cyberbullying.

Cellphone cameras and text messages, as well as social networking Web sites, e-mail and instant messaging, all give teenagers a wider range of ways to play tricks on one another, to tease and to intimidate their peers.
And unlike traditional bullying, which usually is an intimate, if highly unpleasant, experience, high-tech bullying can happen anywhere, anytime, among lots of different children who may never actually meet in person. It is inescapable and often anonymous, said sociologists and educators who have studied cyberbullying. (can happen to ADULTS who have another adult predator prey on their vulnerabilities too!)

Even in this town, where Megan’s name is a constant reminder of the danger of the Web, adolescents say they love using the technology — and some do a little bullying of their own.

“I’m sure that every girl at this table has used cellphones or instant messaging to say something mean about somebody,” said Victoria Fogarty, as she discussed bullying with six other adolescents. Victoria, 14, is the daughter of Pam Fogarty, the mayor of Dardenne Prairie, and an eighth grader at West Middle School, which Megan attended.

Other children are afraid of becoming the next victim.

“Once you’re on MySpace, you’re trapped,” said Jake Dobson, 12, a seventh grader at West Middle School. “You spend all your time online just trying to keep the negative stuff about you from spreading.”

Megan Meier spent months begging for a MySpace page before her mother finally gave in. Ms. Meier thought that making friends online could be good for her daughter, a sensitive girl who craved an emotional connection.

But that neediness made Megan vulnerable. By the third grade Megan hated herself and talked of suicide, Ms. Meier said. The diagnosis was depression and attention deficit disorder, which meant Megan would receive weekly counseling and an evolving list of medications as treatment.

By the time she reached seventh grade at West Middle School, Megan was overweight but active, Ms. Meier said. She hung out with other volleyball players, who were in the second tier of popular girls, just beneath the soccer players, said Laura Rodgers, 14, Megan’s friend.

She aped the styles of those above her, Ms. Meier said. She favored clothes like Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch. Sometimes she applied so much mascara that she resembled a raccoon. Occasionally she would gleefully accept a soccer girl’s invitation to sit at the popular table during lunch, Laura said.

These moments of success faded during gym class, when Megan had to trade her plus-size designer clothes for athletic shorts and T-shirts. “People in P.E. class called her fat every day,” Laura said. “I’d see her in the locker room crying.”

After a difficult year, Megan’s parents transferred their daughter to Immaculate Conception Catholic School in Dardenne Prairie. The school had strict policies aimed at avoiding cliques. Students wear uniforms, and they are assigned lunch tables so they can socialize with everybody.

“There aren’t really cliques there at all,” said Rachel Garzon, 14, who befriended Megan. “You might be closer friends with some people, but you can walk up and talk to anybody and they’ll be nice to you.”

Megan, who had escaped the old cliques, retained her old MySpace page. “She technically wasn’t old enough, because you have to be 14,” Ms. Meier said. “But I was the only one who knew the password. I read every message she received or sent. I thought I could keep it safe, and Megan could meet some friends.”

MySpace uses algorithms and people to strike harassing or bullying images and content, the company said in a written statement, and the site offers users opportunities to report cyberbullies.

But controlling the Web can be almost impossible, experts on children say, and most adolescents are simply not mature enough to handle the virtual world and its anonymous attacks. For instance, “Adolescents take what is said online as the literal truth,” said Justin Patchin, assistant professor of criminal justice at the University of Wisconsin, Eau Claire, who studies cyberbullying.

And, as in the Megan Meier case, the victim of cyberbullying is often isolated, yet never free from attack. “The target sees this entire cyberuniverse where everybody is against them, and no one will come to their defense,” said Dr. Walter Roberts, professor of counselor education at Minnesota State University, Mankato. “The harassment is not limited to the portion of the day when the kids are in school. The targeted kids have no escape.”

Three years ago, before Megan’s suicide, the school system identified cyberbullying as a serious problem, said Kim Carter, assistant superintendent for student services in the Fort Zumwalt School District.

In 2005, the school surveyed students and teachers. And before and after Megan’s death, the district held a variety of assemblies, meetings and workshops to train students, parents, faculty and administrators how to recognize and react to cyberbullying.

While all the vigilance has helped, students say, cyberbullying remains common. Last month, a girl won $500 in a class raffle. Before her teacher even opened the door to excuse everyone, the rest of the school was abuzz with rumors that she had cheated, said Sarah Fogarty, another of the mayor’s children.

How was that possible? Cellphones are supposed to be turned off in school. Girls practice text messaging with their eyes closed, Sarah said. They’ve become adept at pressing buttons under their desks while keeping their focus on the teacher.

“I’m not good at it yet,” Sarah said.

This fall an unpopular boy started break dancing at a football game. People took cellphone photos and videos, which they immediately forwarded to hundreds of people. “They were egging him on because they wanted to keep making fun of him, and the photos made him look ridiculous,” said Jake Dobson, the seventh grader.

Even popular kids feel vulnerable.

Ryan Franklin, 12, was a star player on his Little League baseball team until he needed stomach surgery last summer, said his mother, Sonya Franklin. As he recovered, a friend sent e-mail messages to dozens of students falsely stating that Ryan had made sexual comments about a girl in class, Ms. Franklin said.

“The truth was that he’d stopped playing baseball and so he’d lost some of his status,” Ms. Franklin said. “Some people started picking on him because he was an easier target.” The e-mail messages stopped only when she threatened to call the boy’s mother.

Jake Dobson admits he’s not above an instant message making fun of someone, even if he knows that the same thing could happen to him.

“It’s like I can’t even do anything because everybody is sitting there with a cellphone just waiting for me to mess up,” he said.

Yidwithlid /Dunetz's Classic Online Seduction Patterns Continued...

Continuing with Yidwithlids STUNNING example of online manipulation -- using R. Greene's THE ART OF SEDUCTION techniques of control & manipulation:

13- Disarm through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability
Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

Yidwithlid was BIG on #13. It got monotonous for us reading how many times he told Target #1 "I can't control myself around you" or just "I can't control." He spent a lot of time talking about how badly other women had treated him, asking Target #1 for advice about dealing with his cold wife who discouraged all his dreams.

As well as advice on dealing with his depression and ADHD. Yidwithlid spent a lot of time being very impressed with her knowledge, her empathy and her altruism. Here's some of the classic comments we got out of his chats with Target #1:

Yidwithlid: You are too good. You really help people

Yidwithlid: You are something special, you know that?

Yidwithlid: Why didn't we know we felt this way 26 years ago? .... saved us both a lot of heartache.

Yidwithlid: I am sorry I don't mean to hurt you. I can't control

Yidwithlid: I don't want to wierd you out

Yidwithlid: You just gave me the chills.

Yidwithlid went on to confess some wild things he'd done when he was younger. Sexually and just everyday. Yidwithlid did this to get Target #1 to talk about her past probably so he'd have something to use against her if he needed. (the abuser's secret weapon: F.O.G. = Fear, Obligation & Guilt)

Target #1 - I told him about things that only happened ONCE when I was younger. I told him I wasn't proud of myself and I know no longer drink or get high. Yidwithlid told me he did the same or worse. Now I know he was extracting 'confessions' from me to use at a later time. His 'confessions' got worse as time went on - about 3-somes and so on. I told him a few times "too much information!" His response "hey you told me x-y-z!" I felt so shamed I let him go on. Of course these confessions just made me feel worse - like I wasn't good enough for him. So I tried to be a little wilder - just to make him feel better! I thought I was in a private relationship, just him & me. What was happening to me?

Yidwithlid talked numerous times of how 2 of his family members abused him. At one point, after he got a new job, he spent time venting to Target #1 how much trouble he was having with someone at his office. He spent a lot of time asking her for input on how to deal with it. He also did the same about members at a community activity he was involved with. Target #1 told him he should "do more things for himself." Yidwithlid was painting himself as a selfless do-gooder; quite far from the truth.

Yidwithlid: They don't like me

Yidwithlid: I have always been a round peg in a square hole

Yidwithlid: I feel so alone sometimes

Yidwithlid: I should never have married [my wife] but something happened (of course he NEVER explained WHAT happened)

Yidwithlid: He's out to get me (about a boss)

Yidwithlid: I try to be a nice person - I don't get why people don't like me

14- Confuse Desire and Reality: The Perfect Illusion
It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream.

Yidwithlid: if only things were different

Yidwithlid: "it scares me how I feel about you" (this is an NLP Implanted Thought - i.e. 'I am scared so you should be, too.' It creates CONTROL of the Victim's emotions)

Yidwithlid: I know we were lovers in another life"

Yidwithlid: the cybersex with you isn't without emotion you know

Yidwithlid: I am so confused about you.... or .... I am full of confusion about us (this is another NLP Implanted Thought - i.e. 'I am confused so you should be confused, too.' It further muddles the thinking of the Victim)

Target #1 - I was constantly in a fog with him. Distracted. I couldn't get a straight answer and when I demanded one he blocked me on IM so I stopped asking. I could barely think. I had problems sleeping. I ended up on an anti-depressant just 3 months into our 'relationship'.

I finally confided in a friend about the whole thing - just to get some perspective. I had been badly abused, they said he was was making me feel good about myself and I knew him from before, therefore he was probably trustworthy. They all said the same thing, "no old friend would do this to someone they know." WRONG!

15-Isolate the Victim
Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you.

Yidwithlid implored the Target to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret. He would always ASK when her spouse or partner was gone or asleep.

He also asked her best friend not to talk to her about things he'd revealed to her! Separating friends!

Target #1 started taking some spirituality classes and he discouraged her saying it might not be 'good' for her.

(PAY ATTENTION AGAIN HERE READERS:)

Target #1 - As I said, what I did not know what that my estranged husband (who knew a lot about computers) had a stealth keylogger on the computer and was downloading EVERYTHING to his job. Not just the chat's with Yidwithlid - my emails, my chats with friends, my looking up stuff about divorce.

On Sept.13, 2002 - my ex sent myself & Yidwithlid an email that said "What do you two plan to do about this?" with a copy of a cybersex chat Yidwithlid and I had had. Yidwithlid disappeared. Zoom!! Told me 'its best if I go away.' This pushed my abandonment button big time.

My estranged husband started to abuse me worse. He would take out chats and read excerpts to my small children. (This was latter used against her ex husband during custody negotiations) He called me Yidwithlid's whore in front of my kids, physically pushed me around. I slept on the floor of my child's room for over 2 years after that and often I got up and could barely walk! It wasn't pretty.

One day at my attorney's later in Sept. 2002 - she handed me a huge packet of everything. Hard copies & disk. Everything my ex'd downloaded telling me my ex-husband still had it. I got the keylogger off but somehow, he was still downloading things here & there. At that time I had no idea how to even save a chat! After this I made it my business to learn more about computer security. I had been entrapped by my ex-husband on the one hand and blamed by Yidwithlid for ruining his fun. I felt like a caged beaten animal. I told Yidwithlid all this and he did nothing but stop giving me even emotional support. Zip... gone. Just like in college!! (No accountability, no 'nice guy' - just 'save his own a**')

When I moved myself & the kids away from my ex-husband I tried to get everything off the computer and did succeed. When things with Yidwithlid exploded in March 2004 I totally disconnected my computer for months afterward. I couldn't go near it - besides I was in the hospital and/or away. I smashed my webcam in my trauma, too.

I gave everything I had to the police; as they asked me to. EVERYTHING. I didn't have the energy to be selective because I was too traumatized. It was all out there, despite how embarrassed I was. The police got more off my computer and I think, Yidwithlids. They verified that nothing was edited or made up. They validated it and its all still on file with them and copies to me. Everything. I bet the cops downtown had a good laugh at my expense too but I deserved it for being so naive.

Key symptoms of a Psychopath/Sociopath:

1. Glib and superficial
2. Egocentric and grandiose
3. Lack of remorse or guilt
4. Lack of empathy
5. Deceitful and manipulative
6. Shallow emotions

Psychopaths can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming. To some people, however, they seem too slick and smooth, too obviously insincere and superficial. Astute observers often get the impression that psychopaths are play-acting, mechanically, "reading their lines".

Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars.

The sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side".

from www.findlaci2003.us

Psychopaths can be very sociable, even though they are antisocial behind their "mask" in the sense that their "emotions" are completely fake. They are masters at manipulating others for their personal gain. Their charm, in fact, is legendary.

Psychopaths are experts at using people. They can ask anything of anyone without embarrassment and because of their outgoing seducing friendliness, their use of "poor innocent me! I am such a GOOD person and I have been treated so BADLY!" the victim invariably gets sucked into giving the psychopath what they ask for - no matter how outrageous.

Psychopaths are masters at faking emotions in order to manipulate others. One psychologist reported that if you actually catch them in the act of committing a crime, or telling a lie, "they will immediately justify their actions by self pity and blaming another, by creating a heart-rending scene of faked emotional feelings." These fake emotions are only for effect, as the careful observer will note. The Psychopath considers getting their way or getting out of trouble using faked emotions as a victory over another person.

Psychopaths are incapable of feeling concern or remorse for the consequences of their actions. They can calmly rationalize their insensitive and bizarre behavior all the while attributing malice to everyone but themselves. When caught in a lie, they will manipulate others or stories to their own advantage without any fear of being found out - even if it is obvious to everyone around them that they WILL be found out.

Psychopaths cannot feel fear for themselves, much less empathy for others. Most normal people, when they are about to do something dangerous, illegal, or immoral, feel a rush of worry, nervousness, or fear. Guilt may overwhelm them and prevent them from even committing the deed. The psychopath feels little or nothing.

The psychopath seems to be full of something akin to deep greed. They manifest this inner state in many ways. One of the most common ways is to steal something of value to their victim (valuables), or to hurt/slander the victim or something or someone the victim loves. In the psychopath's mind, this is justified because the victim crossed him, did not give him what he wanted, or rejected him (or her).

Psychopaths lie for the sake of lying. They can convey the deepest heart-felt message without meaning a word of it. They can also tell the most outrageous stories simply in order to be at the center of attention and to get what they want.

The psychopath is obsessed with control even if they give the impression of being helpless. Their pretense to emotional sensitivity is really part of their control function: The higher the level of belief in the psychopath that can be induced in their victim through their dramas, the more "control" the psychopath believes they have. And in fact, this is true. They DO have control when others believe their lies.

Sadly, the degree of belief, the degree of "submission" to this control via false representation, generally produces so much pain when the truth is glimpsed that the victim would prefer to continue in the lie than face the fact that they have been duped. The psychopath counts on this. It is part of their "actuarial calculations." It gives them a feeling of power.

It is all too easy to fall under the spell of the charismatic psychopath. There are many who do the psychopath's bidding without realizing that they have been subtly and cleverly controlled. They can even be manipulated to perform criminal acts, or acts of sabotage against another - innocent - person on behalf of the psychopath. Very often, when this is realized by the victim, that they have caused suffering in innocent people at the behest of a liar, again they prefer to deny this than to face up to the truth of their own perfidy and gullibility.

from "A Natural State of Pschopathy", by Laura Knight-Jadzyk

(As we said, we asked Target #1 for the chats and she sent them to us. EOPC decided what to use and Target #1 also gave us written permission what to use & not use. She also sent a letter to law enforcement that this site may be using these chats with the express direction NO REAL NAMES, LOCATIONS OR INFORMATION BE INCLUDED IN THIS EXPOSE, which we agreed to. These chats were loaded with "word salad" and phrases to create cognitive dissonance by Yidwithlid)

16-Prove Yourself
Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.

Yidwithlid had plausible explanations for everything. Over the course of the chats, Target #1 repeatedly tried to normalize the relationship by asking that they get together and meet each others families. Yidwithlids reasons for not doing it seemed plausible. Either he would promise it would happen eventually - or he would "love bomb" the Target and tell her having her meet his wife would make him crazy - so she felt guilty for even asking.

Target #1 - the worst was the mixed messages. Yidwithlid was constantly sending pictures of himself with his wife & kids or just of his kids. He wanted to see mine too. I kept saying why don't you just calm down and meet them?

It was painful to see pictures of an old friend and their family and not meet them. None of my old friends that have gotten in touch with me have done this. I know them all and their families. It hurt. Bad.

Finally he was talking about one of his children and I said "I would really like to meet them." I remember his exact response, "That will never happen." I was torn up inside. It was one of the times I didn't chat with him for a number of weeks. I was insulted. He made me feel like I was garbage - of course he apologized profusely later with his "I know I can't control around you" mantra. As if I was the REASON he was doing everything he did. I felt so RESPONSIBLE!

17-Effect a Regression
People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.

Yidwithlid systematically fed Target #1 the sort of verbal and emotional support her abusive ex husband never did. He called her "talented", "beautiful", "unforgettable", "special" and so on. Of course Yidwithlid had fully profiled & lured her and knew where her vulnerabilities were. Yidwithlid knew she had a weak & fragile ego so he fed it to lure her in and bond her to him while he used & abused her.

Don't forget Yidwithlid and the Target #1 went to college together and he just 'happened' to find her on Classmates.com and "just had to write" her. This is what makes this particularly story interesting, because it doesn't happen often that predator & prey KNOW each other previously. (Yidwithlid now swears she was 'stalking him since college' - this is bold-faced LIE. We have proof that 1. Yidwithlid was the ONLY one with a Classmates.com paid account - which is how he got Target #1s email and 2. He wrote her first. He initiated the relationship, the cybersex, everything. HIM, not her.)

This type of exchange below happened, in one form or another, over 20 times in the first 5 months of the online communication between Yidwithlid and the Target:

Target: its just words
Yidwithlid: I don't say things I don't mean
Target: me either
Yidwithlid: I mean how I feel about you
Yidwithlid: I feel connected to you, drawn to you

Target: you could just be toying with me
Yidwithlid: It hurts to have you say that
Yidwithlid: you know me
Target: not recently
Yidwithlid: I would never hurt you never
Yidwithlid: I would do anything to make you happy

Target: I still don't know what to think about you
Yidwithlid: various states of emotion
Yidwithlid: and confusion
Target: who me?
Yidwithlid: no me
Target: you really mean everything you are saying to me?
Yidwithlid: I cant believe you are still asking me that question! (this of course, put Target on the defensive and dumped guilt and more confusion into the mix so she would stop examing what he was doing so closely)

18-Stir up the Transgressive and Taboo
There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

Yidwithlid lured & coerced the Target into cybersex and phone sex numerous times.

He also shame-dumped on her by REPEATEDLY telling her that it was HER that was making him feel this way and he had "never done this sort of thing with anyone else before","I swear to God" or it was "so wrong but feels so right"

Yidwithlid: I cant take it anymore
Target: what?
Yidwithlid: we need to get naked together
Target: are you sure about that?
Yidwithlid: why do you keep asking that?
Target: we are married to other people now
Yidwithlid: I need you (notice how Yidwithlid doesn't answer direct statements or questions??)

Target #1 - he would sometimes seem to ZONE out during chats. I would say, 'are you there?' or 'are you O.K.?' and the very next minute he would send me some porn clip from a porn site. Now I know he was either: writting up his latest 'hooker review' or watching porn. He wasn't even paying attention to me anymore - he was in a fugue of sex & depravity!

I tried to make a joke out of it asking him what a nice guy was doing with all that porn. He could click up free porn so fast it was frightening!!

He wasn't even reading what I was typing. It was like he was in a fugue. He just would send the porn and say "lets do this" or "would be interested in doing this."

Sometimes when I IM'd him first to say hi he would say - "can't talk... working" Now I realize that he was there watching and masturbating to porn. He would be watching porn while he was talking to me too. The sheer amount of porn and the speed at which he would send it to me was amazing.

I had a dial up service and he had broadband so I told him I couldn't download the stuff. I would glance at it and delete it as fast as it came in. I felt shamed so I said stuff like "yes, we could do that" so I wouldn't make him mad and he would run away.

When I told him my concerns that our whole online relationship was turning into only sex talk and cybersex he would 'remind' me of all the discussions we had about our children, jobs, people, spirituality, current events.... and I felt guilty. The one line that sticks out in my mind when I asked him what he wanted from more sex in his life he said "I don't want to take, I want to share" (remember that SHARE comment in this post? - During these chats, even FIGHTER lost count of the number of times Yidwithlid said this "SHARE" line!)

Yidwithlid did get very angry when I asked him where he was doing all this. A number of times I said "aren't your kids home?" or "can't your kids or wife hear you?" He got really snippy with me. Now I realize he had no boundaries. Yidwithlid was in the porn zone!

Target: if you are busy we can chat another time
Yidwithlid: no don't go
Target: Sorry your attention seems to be elsewhere
Yidwithlid: Im ADHD remember?
Target: ok
Yidwithlid: You always have my attention
Target: ok

Yidwithlid: I want to show you something
Target: oh?
Yidwithlid: [link]
Yidwithlid: its porn - don't watch it if you're offended
Target: what is with all the porn? LOL
Yidwithlid: I need relief
Yidwithlid: but I want real

AND REMEMBER if the potential cyberpath INSISTS that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more."

And if they INSIST on you KEEPING THE
RELATIONSHIP A SECRET - don't!! This is a DEAD giveaway

If something's for real - they will want to tell everyone and so will you!! Someone with nothing to hide will not beg you to delete things.

While Yidwithlid did not hide that he was married, nor did Target #1 - Yidwithlid did hide a serious sex addiction that encompassed a lot more than this online affair, as we will find out.

Target #1's only mistake was this relationship - she had nothing else to hide.

19-Use Spiritual Lures
Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid and I spent hours and hours talking about religion and God. I am deeply spiritual and have had some unusual life experiences that I don't share often. Its probably the one thing I truly missed when it all fell apart. Now I see he was sitting at his end laughing at me.

He made me feel very much at ease talking. Yidwithlid would ask me a lot of questions about evil, truth, ethics, my spiritual practices. At first he would say he didn't believe the way I did - but over time he seemed to be more open-minded. Yidwithlid told me he'd gotten much more religious in the last few years and his wife didn't like it - that she was "mad at him for bringing God into their house."

Now I know Yidwithlid was sitting there, taking it all in, continuing to profile me so he could be my perfect mirror. He would talk about how we had a special connection.

In a moment's notice he'd switch from this Spiritual Guy to Mr. HornDog... And silly me, I went right along with it. He kept telling me it was our SPIRITUAL CONNECTION that made him want me so bad. And I just agreed and even found ways to justify it.
Yidwithlid's psychological cruelty seemed to know no bounds. This exchange sounded heart-wrenching for the Target #1 (who had severe infertility problems on top of being disabled).

Target: I really would have liked more children
Yidwithlid: me too
Yidwithlid: but [my wife] didnt want more
(pause of a few moments)
Yidwithlid: if it was up to me
Yidwithlid: I would have done everything to give you all the children you wanted

At one point Target #1 finally tells Yidwithlid that unless he spents some just-friendly time with her, she was not going to just go to a hotel room and jump into bed with him. In that particular chat she made it clear she wasn't comfortable. What happened? Yidwithlid disappeared from chat for weeks - just BOOM - gone (he'd BLOCKED HER!!)

Typical predator - when he hadn't gotten what he wanted and his Target made a boundary - he withdrew himself and his attentions as a form of 'punishment.'

Target: lets get together for coffee or drink and start being friends again
Yidwithlid: no
Target: I don't understand
Yidwithlid: I still feel the same
Yidwithlid: I know I can't control around you
Yidwithlid: but if we get caught we are dead ducks
Target: caught at what? we haven't done anything!
Yidwithlid: I will have no control around you... I just know it

(once again, dangling the taboo and making the Target feel guilty and responsible for his 'control' problems. Also an Imbedded NLP command to make Target feel out of control also)

20-Mix Pleasure with Pain
The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

Yidwithlids frequent lines along the path of #20 here:
"If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore"
"if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"

Yidwithlid played come-to-me-go-away a lot, as we commented before. knowing Target #1 was scared of ending it. She needed the sympathetic ear and Yidwithlid knew it.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid would be unbelievably changeable in his moods. You never knew who you were getting. Sometimes he was downright insulting in his sarcasm.

When we had lunch he made a crack about my hair being colored. I don't fully color my hair and I told him so. He got annoyed that I called him on this.

Yidwithlid made a comment about most religious groups being male dominated. I told him I knew but in my opinion that was misogyny. He was visibly angry but said nothing.

On the way out of the restaurant where we had lunch I made a point of briefly touching his arm while I was talking. He glared at me for a couple moments like my hand was a red-hot poker.

He also would tell me how badly he 'wanted' me while at the same time PUSHING me to go back to my ex-husband or to "get laid." He tried to give me marital advice. Just after my ex found out about Yidwithlid and I's emotional affair - Yidwithlid told me he felt responsible. He was responsible! But then he said it would be better if we let it cool off for a while and I didn't see him online again for over a month!

(he'd blocked her)

My ex-husband was abusing me very badly, I was seriously depressed and Yidwithlid just ran away. No adult discussion, no friendship, nothing. Of course he made it seem like he was being very chivalrous by going away. I know now I was trauma-bonded to him because of it.

In January 2004 I was supposed to go to the hospital for 10 days for surgery. Yidwithlid had, in the first 18 months we were chatting - been very supportive of my disability and health problems. I mentioned to him in December 2003 I was scheduled for surgery. He didn't ask what for or why. Just said "sorry". Later in that same chat I asked him, since the hospital was close to where he worked - if he would come visit me at least. He didn't even respond. Thank goodness the surgery ended up being cancelled as some things resolved physically on their own. I was so despondent. What had I done wrong?

A handful of times I got suicidal about my situation. Between Yidwithlid and my ex - my brain was spinning and I felt terrible. My disability even got worse. The first couple times I told Yidwithlid I wanted to end everything he was very good about talking to me but one time I said I was feeling the darkness again and his response? "Maybe you are just doing this (saying I was suicidal) because you want my attention." WTF!! I cried for 2 days.

Of course then he'd come back and emotionally & sexually BOMB me again. I was a wreck.

21-Give Them Space to Fall: The Pursuer is Pursued
If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window.

Target #1 - Yidwithlid told me when I would IM him first or be flirtatious with him that he didn't like it. He called me aggressive a couple times, which I really hated, and I told him so. Like a schoolyard bully - he just did it again.

A number of times on a voice program I called him "honey" or "sweetie" and he made me stop immediately. He told me he HATED cute names and it really turned him off. (remember this one readers!)

Yidwithlid refused to tell me his cell number. He asked for my home or cell number but he could never seem to 'remember' it. When we had lunch the one time, I was late. I had to park far from the restaurant and walk. And I don't walk very well. I gave him my cell number that morning but he never even called to see where I was. I showed up 1/2 hr late. Anyone else I would have called them and apologized - but I couldn't with him and he was very annoyed I was late. It was his own fault.

Oddly enough, my ex-husband had given me Yidwithlid's home phone number, address and work phone. He'd found it all when he download the chats between Yidwithlid and I because he was planning on filing charges on Yidwithlid or going to his home and talking to Yidwithlids wife. I had to beg my ex-husband not to do that, which meant I got abused worse. But I put up with it because I felt everything was my fault. But the point is, my ex had given me all of Yidwithlids information but I never once used it in 2 years I had it.

By the time the relationship blew up - Yidwithlid had me practically throwing myself at him. I look back now and think 'who was that! I never do stuff like that!' But I did. I was mortified at my behaviour but now I see it was all part of his manipulation. I was losing control of myself. Yidwithlid was probably sitting back laughing at every moment of it.

He made me forget that HE was the one who started the whole mess and HE was the one who INITIATED my interest. Yidwithlid told me he was only "protecting me from" him! But he wouldn't elaborate. Yidwithlid would only say "I am sick. I need help" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am" or "if you really knew me you wouldn't like me" but he would never be specific. He told me I would lose respect for him if I really knew him. It was just crazy trying to figure it all out.

22-Use Physical Lures
Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your voice-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust.

Target - Stupid me, I finally restarted the whole sexual thing - I was so upset by Yidwithlid telling me how lonely he was. I asked him why we didn't cyber anymore. Yidwithlid had no answer for me and repeatedly used the lines"If you want to" or "It's up to you." or "If it will make you feel better." (making Target #1 responsible for the sexual content of their relationship again!!!) Yidwithlid told me since we couldn't be together I should start dating or 'just go get laid.' This was a total change from the earlier talk about emotion, connection and spiritual union he laid on me. I couldn't reconcile that I was still legally married. I tried to spend a lot more time with my kids. Yidwithlid wasn't impressed - in fact, his talk started to sound like he was very bored speaking to me - so chats started to be shorter. Sometimes I cut them off because I just couldn't take his hurtfulness. This from someone who professed to be religious, moral & ethical.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want him to leave his wife. In fact I offered to help him find marital counseling, private counseling and I kept telling him I really wanted to meet her. I wanted some honesty & explanation for what was going on - but our relationship seemed to bounce around with his mood and I was scared of upsetting him. I didn't go and "just get laid" either. I am not that sort of person who can just sleep around for fun, or with someone for whom I have no feelings.

Yidwithlid stubbornly refused to acknowledge that I no longer loved my ex and I wasn't going to 'sleep with' someone who was abusing me. It didn't seem to compute with Yidwithlid.(because he was abusing her too!)

Then he started to talk to me about the sexual things he did with old girlfriends - it was hurtful but I was just so stunned I froze every time.

Yidwithlid was fixated on an ex-fiance and repeatedly told me he should have married her. Told me she did everything sexual including bringing her girlfriends home to be with him & her. I got this impression it was done to covertly say "YOU will never be good enough for me!" In college, we never really dated and he'd never given me a chance to have a relationship with him so how would he know? He got me pregnant and didn't care. The first time we had sex I had bleeding from bruising - he never called me the day after or any time after. I was nothing. He was doing the same thing now.

I was horrified and went into a denial that the ONLY reason he looked me up or even spoke to me was for sex. Free sex. Because he'd been unemployed and couldn't afford the pros. So look up that girl who had sex with you in college. And I was paying the price.

FOT 1 said she asked him around this time why he never pursued anything with me in college when he had the chance. His answer "Oh, I just didn't want to handle it." It would have been kinder if he'd just put a knife in me. I couldn't understand why I deserved the cruelty. My therapist told me he was mad at me that my ex-husband caught us!

Just before all the truth came out he came online one time to tell me he & his wife had had relations and he got very specific about everything they did. I blocked him for 3 weeks until he went to FOT1 and BEGGED her to intercede. I wrote him and told him he was out of line. That was his marriage and he had no business telling me that.

I told Yidwithlid that he needed to be a lot clearer about our relationship and what it was he wanted from me. I was really disgusted and wanted to end the relationship but just couldn't do it. His only response was to email me saying "I don't know what to say." He'd programmed me to feel so guilty that eventually I started talking to him again. Now I realize - he told me that just to mentally torture me, see how much I would take and still come back for more!

He kept sending me the articles he wrote. I would clean up his horrible English and spelling and sometimes tell him he needed to punch up certain areas. Of course later, he denied this but I still have his originals and my edits.

23-Master the Art of the Bold Move
Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

Let's let Target #1's comments prior to this and our comments speak for themselves on this one, shall we?

24-Beware the Aftereffects
Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. . If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.

We will follow up with the 'after-effects' (severe, permanent PTSD) from Yidwithlid's two years of torturing the Target and the truth coming out next....