DEFINING SPIN

by Michael Roberts of Rexxfield

(Watch Michael's story on 60 Minutes)

Victims of Internet smear campaigns must understand the sociopath's or narcissist's expert employment of “SPIN” in their online smear campaigns. This is singularly the best way to begin to understand the way I and many others have found ourselves so frequently gasping in their wake of carnage.

When executing their anti-social agendas, their modus operandi is to sprinkle enough truth in any given lie to add credence to their deceptions.  

Alternatively, sometimes they will “kitchen sink it”, that is to say, they overdose the performance with too much information; the end result is very muddy waters in which no reasonable person can navigate. The kitchen-sink approach is often reserved as a "last stand" when the sociopath's make-believe walls begin to crumble bolstered only by charm, persuasion, sophistry and divide/conquer tactics.

If a lawsuit for Internet libel is to ensue, it is important to put the "spin" on the back burner and build your case around the clear statements of fact that can be proven to be deceptive, thus making for a stronger case. As for the spin, you will need to persuade the judge or jury that the statements were woven in a way so as to cast a false light on the facts. You would need to show that the spin would reasonably be understood to be an expression which would attack a person's integrity or moral character and/or expose the person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule and /or deprive the person of the benefits of public confidence and social dealings and /or injure the plaintiff in the maintenance of his or her business.

Read Also: How to avoid dismissal of libel lawsuit under Anti-SLAPP legislation.

THE PRACTICAL DEFINITION OF “SPIN”:
The most common referents for spin are:

• a form of deception which tries to redirect the way (or whether) one thinks about an issue and / 
• or; a way of giving a positive or negative cast to a story.

Spin at its best:

• Cannot be factually disproved. 
• Looks like it is addressing an issue directly but is not.

In early 2009, I was told by a libel victim who read these pages that he almost cried with relief because he had found others who know exactly what they are going through. 

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

How to Spot an Online Fibber

How to spot an online fibber
REPOSTING THIS IN HONOR OF SELF-INVOLVED BLABBERS - CYBERPATHS: writer and historian: DOUGLAS BECKSTEAD AND NATHAN E.B. THOMAS, and self-styled right wing American pundit: JEFF DUNETZ aka Yid With Lid

(ITHACA, N.Y.) How to spot an online fibber: They talk too much, use more pronouns about others and use more terms about the senses, such as "see," "hear" and "feel," than people telling the truth, according to a new study by Cornell University communication experts.

"Our study suggests that people who are lying to another person in a chat room or in instant messaging use approximately one-third more words, probably in their attempt to construct a more cohesive and detailed story in order to seem believable," says Jeff Hancock, assistant professor of communication in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) at Cornell.

"Perhaps more important is the finding that people being lied to also change the way they talk, even though they don't explicitly know they are being lied to," says Hancock. He found that targets of lies on the Web ask more questions and also use more words than when they are being told the truth. Hancock says that this may be another reason for the extra words: targets of deception may become skeptical and ask more questions than those receiving truthful information.

The study is published in the Proceedings of the 26th Annual Conference of the Cognitive Science Society (2004). It was first presented at the 2004 annual meeting of the Cognitive Science Society in Chicago.

Other studies have shown that liars use fewer words, but these studies examined deceptive monologues, not a conversation with a partner, and did not look at online communications, which, because they are written, give people more time to prepare their responses. Hancock's finding that liars use more pronouns about others ("he," "she," "they") than truthful communicators is consistent with other research and is probably liars' attempts to distance themselves from their deception and to deflect the focus.

Hancock's co-authors are Lauren E. Curry '04 (now at Fordham Law School) and Saurabh Goorha, M.S. '04 (now in Cornell's S.C. Johnson Graduate School of Management), and collaborator Michael T. Woodworth at Okanagan University College, British Columbia. The researchers studied 66 people and paired them up for a conversation via an instant-messaging interface on computers. Participants were asked to discuss five assigned topics about themselves; one of each pair was randomly assigned to fabricate stories in two topics and was given examples about the kinds of lies to tell. They had five minutes to prepare.

Although more research is needed to observe deceptive face-to-face conversations to see what happens when nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions, are available, Hancock says that text-based communication is becoming increasingly ubiquitous. His findings suggest that researchers might be able to develop techniques to identify online communication that appears to be deceptive.

~~~~~
The study was supported in part by the Department of Communication at Cornell and a federal Hatch Grant.

Related World Wide Web sites: The following sites provide additional information on this news release. Some might not be part of the Cornell University community, and Cornell has no control over their content or availability.

Jeff Hancock

(Sounds much like Ed Hicks, Dan Jacoby and Gareth Rodger, too!)

MORE: How to Nail an Online Liarhttp://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/02/15/how-to-nail-an-online-liar-its-all-about-the-words/

SPOTTING THE INTERNET LIAR

How can you spot a liar online? Some telltale signs of online deception from Cornell professor of Communication -- Jeff Hancock.

LISTEN NOW

A NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE IS NEEDED!

THE ABSOLUTE NEED FOR A MARRIAGE DATABASE

Fight Bigamy says:
"Our archaic system is failing in our transitional, wireless-based society of today. Moreover, Internet dating sites have given many of these predators a whole new supply. Our fragile system is taken advantage of by serial bigamists sociopaths and con artists." (and Cyberpaths!)

Click here to read this whole article

~~~~~
"So how do they do it? First of all, sociopaths are experts at sizing up a person’s vulnerabilities. Secondly, they are professional manipulators.

Sociopaths are fluent liars. They sidestep questions and always have a plausible answer when discrepancies are noticed. They create authentic-looking documentation. They imply that other people vouch for them, and actually convince other people to cover for them. They keep people apart so it’s impossible to compare notes.

As a result, it is extremely difficult to spot the deception of a sociopath.

The point of a marriage database is to make the public records searchable."

EXCERPTED FROM THIS WONDERFUL ARTICLE - CLICK HERE

ONLINE: THE NEW INFIDELITY

ONLINE: THE NEW INFIDELITY

In recent years, infidelity has begun root in new ways, due to the advent and growth of the Internet and the entry of women into professions once dominated by men. Many experts are noticing that both in the workplace and on the Internet, "a new crisis of infidelity" is unfolding. The new type of infidelity involves people who do not seek out extramarital affairs, but are unintentionally moving beyond platonic friendships to romantic involvements.

Maheu and Subotnik (2001) explain that the Internet provides an escape in the form of cybersex and so-called "virtual infidelity" to millions of people who do not know how to improve their difficult or unsatisfying relationships or whose religious beliefs do not permit divorce.

"They may find themselves financially, geographically or emotionally stuck. Whatever their reasons, they seem to be hungering for easy access to companionship and sex"

The Internet has made it fast and easy to find and connect with others, and it's the ideal medium for secretive relationships. For those who seek it, infidelity is just a few clicks away.

"Cyber-infidelity occurs when a partner in a committed relationship uses the computer or the Internet to violate promises, vows or agreements concerning his or her sexual exclusivity" (Maheu and Subotnik, 2001, p. 10).

"Beware of the lure of the Internet" where "affairs develop quickly" and inhibitions are instantly lowered and infidelity seems "innocent."

Glass highlights the following three key characteristics of a relationship that crosses the line from harmless platonic friendship to deeper emotional attachment and infidelty:

"1) greater emotional intimacy than in the marital relationship,
2) secrecy and deception from the spouse, and
3) sexual chemistry."

Extramarital involvements based on a deep emotional bond can be as painful for the betrayed spouse as a sexual infidelity. However, experts generally agree that affairs that include both extramarital infidelity and a meaningful emotional bond are the most disruptive.

original article found here

Teen Internet Love Gone Wrong - He's a She

By Helen Weathers

(U.K.) Fourteen-year-old Emily Marabella’s heart skipped a beat when she chanced upon the profile of ‘Mr Gorgeous’ on an internet social-networking site. With his long fringe sweeping out from under a beanie hat, chiselled jaw and pretty-boy looks, he was the very image of her teen idol, Justin Bieber.

Never in her wildest dreams did Emily think someone as adorable as ‘Mr Gorgeous’ would be attracted to a shy, self-conscious girl like her. So, when he replied to her first message, directing her to a YouTube clip of him singing the Bruno Mars’ song ‘Just the Way You Are’, Emily was thrilled.

It marked the start of an eight-month, long-distance chatroom romance, during which the handsome teenager was soon telling Emily she was perfect, with beautiful eyes and hair.

His internet messages saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I can’t stop thinking about you’ were music to the ears of a girl who fretted about her weight and suffered from the chronic skin condition, eczema.

Emily, now 15, says: ‘I’d never been in a proper relationship or done well with boys, so to be told I was really nice looking made me feel so happy. When he said he loved me, I wanted to scream it from the rooftops.’

Indeed, Emily did tell everyone, proudly showing pictures of her new boyfriend — who told her his name was Matt — to her family and friends at school in her home town of Market Harborough in Leicestershire.

Only Matt didn’t exist. To Emily’s acute distress and embarrassment, her dream boyfriend turned out to be girl called Chloe; a fact she discovered only after they’d met up for the first time in October 2010.

By then Emily had held hands with ‘Matt’, hugged ‘him’ and allowed her new ‘boyfriend’ to briefly kiss her. It is now 18 months since the day all Emily’s dreams were ‘shattered’ in what she describes as ‘the worst thing that has ever happened to me’. She has tried to put it behind her, but the memories flooded back last week following the conviction of Gemma Barker, another girl who pretended to be a boy on internet sites.

In contrast, Emily’s ‘boyfriend’ Matt — in reality a 16-year-old girl from Surrey — has never been charged, and this week was still to be found on certain internet networking sites, including Twitter, pretending to be a boy.

When Emily’s parents called the police, they were told no offence had been committed as no sexual assault had taken place. It is not against the law for a girl to dress as a boy, or indeed to create a false internet profile. ‘It is amazing that there is no law to stop people from creating a fake identity in this way and then using it to deceive someone else,’ says Emily’s mother Julia, 48, a personal trainer.

‘At which point can the police prosecute? Do they have to wait for more inappropriate behaviour? This has absolutely shattered my daughter emotionally.’

Emily and her mother have agreed to speak out to warn other girls of the dangers of being taken in by fake internet profiles, even when parents do everything in their power to protect their children from harm.

For even Emily’s cautious parents were initially fooled. Not content to judge their daughter’s relationship with ‘Matt’ on pictures alone, Emily’s parents permitted the internet friendship only after first checking that Emily’s crush wasn’t actually some predatory older man posing as a teenager.

They spoke to ‘him’ on the phone, saw ‘him’ on their laptop webcam and vetted his messages for sexual content, but found nothing untoward. As Julia says, it seemed like a ‘harmless penpal relationship’ and seeing their daughter blossom under the intense light of ‘Matt’s’ attention was a delight to witness.

Emily says: ‘I had a very low opinion of myself at the time, so for Matt to find me attractive was amazing. I told all my friends at school and showed them his picture. Matt told me, “one day I want to marry you”. It was so perfect.’

After five months chatting online, the teenagers arranged to meet up at Market Harborough train station during the school summer holidays in 2010. Julia says: ‘I was fine with her meeting Matt, provided we met him, too.’

Emily arrived at the station with two friends for safety, and Julia planned to meet them all once ‘Matt’ had arrived. He never showed up.

‘I felt like a fool,’ says Emily, who has two older brothers, Oliver, 22, and Edward, 20. I was so angry, but when I contacted him afterwards he told me he had a phobia of trains and was scared. I was so head over heels in love with Matt, I would have believed anything he said.’

Emily and Matt arranged to meet again during the October half-term. This time Emily’s father Ian, 47, a driver, took her to the station to meet Matt, who was dropped off by car by his grandmother and auntie. Matt certainly looked like a typical teenage boy in his checked shirt and baggy jeans, but Ian was suspicious.

Julia recalls: ‘Ian phoned me and said, “I need you to get here as quickly as possible, there’s something not quite right”. I rushed to the station in a panic to find Emily in the car and Matt sitting on the pavement with his head in his hands.

‘Ian came over to me and said: “I think it’s a girl, it’s not a boy” and I said: “What on earth makes you think that?” and he told me Matt’s auntie had said: “I hope she behaves herself,” before driving off. I knelt down beside Matt, and said: “Ian’s got a bit of a problem, I know this is really embarrassing, but can you tell me what your name is?”. He said “Matt”, and when I asked why his auntie had said “she”, Matt explained he had a twin sister and his auntie kept getting them confused. I kept looking at Matt and it was really hard to tell. I thought: “You look like a boy”. In the car we kept asking questions and that’s when Matt told us his sister Chloe was his twin. Stupid as it sounds, I believed him. Emily didn’t have any suspicions at all, and was so embarrassed.’

That afternoon, Julia and Ian took Emily, her friend and Matt to the park to walk the family’s dogs and, at one point, the three teenagers ran off together. It was then, away from the watchful eyes of parents, that Emily says Matt kissed her. But by then, Julia and Ian were becoming more convinced that Matt really was a girl.

‘It was a windy day,’ says Julia. ‘And as the wind blew the heavy fringe away from his face, I thought: “I can definitely see a girl in you now,”’ says Julia. ‘But what could we do? We couldn’t just abandon her or turf her out because she was only 15 and her gran wasn’t due to pick her up until 6pm. Even though I was upset, angry, annoyed, I felt responsible for her.

‘I didn’t want Matt alone with Emily because my daughter was in total denial and I didn’t want any more kissing, so we watched them like hawks. Heaven knows what might have happened if Emily had met Matt alone. I would have been absolutely mortified if there had been any touching.’

At 6pm, the Marabellas drove Matt back to the station to be collected by his grandmother and auntie. 'I’ve never seen anyone run away so quickly, the car hadn’t even had time to stop. Matt was desperate to get away from us,’ says Julia. ‘I ran after Matt because I was angry and upset and I felt desperately sorry for Emily that he hadn’t said goodbye, so before they could all zoom off, I stopped their car. ‘The elderly aunt and grandma were sitting there and they asked: “Has she behaved herself?” I was so dumbfounded. I just didn’t know what to say because they clearly didn’t have a clue. Then, they turned round and said: “I hope you have been a good girl, Chloe,” and I felt physically sick and incredibly foolish. I was too shocked to say anything. I went back to our car and said: “Oh my God, Ian, Emily, it’s a definitely a girl,” and that’s when Emily’s world fell apart.’

Emily continues: ‘I burst into tears, saying: “No, it can’t be,” because I still loved this person. I just didn’t want to believe it, because you can’t go straight from loving someone to hating them. I couldn’t think of life without this person.’

That evening, Emily messaged Matt, demanding answers.

‘I told Matt: “I know you are a girl,” but Matt denied it and still insisted she was a boy and that Chloe was her twin sister,’ says Emily, who immediately ceased all contact. I felt I’d lost absolutely everything. No one could understand how I felt. It’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever been through in my life. Even now, it still haunts me.’

As well as contacting the police, Julia reported the case to various internet sites in the hope of blocking “Matt’s” profile, but because no criminal offence has been committed, there was apparently nothing that could be done to stop it.

‘There may be no offence being committed, but to me the deception is still there,’ says Julia. ‘Just because “Matt” is a teenage girl and isn’t a 40-year-old man doesn’t mean it’s not wrong. I have no idea what is going on in this girl’s head, but she must need some form of psychological help if she has to pretend to be a boy. Since this has happened Emily’s whole attitude, her behaviour, her whole perception of boys, her trust, have all been changed. She became introverted and depressed, saying: “No one will find me attractive now. I can only get a girl, not a boy.” Her eczema flared up so badly, her school thought she was self-harming because she’d scratched her skin raw.’ Emily adds: ‘The day Matt became Chloe, I changed from the nicest person to someone who just doesn’t care any more.’

When the Mail spoke to Chloe/Matt’s 76-year-old grandmother, with whom the teenager lives, she said Chloe had been deeply affected by her grandfather’s death in 2009, which had triggered an episode of deep depression.

She added that Chloe’s parents split up when she was three, and that her granddaughter came to live with her when Chloe’s mother couldn’t cope with the child’s challenging behaviour.

‘Since all this happened, Chloe is being treated for depression and is now doing well again,’ said the grandmother, who admits she is not computer literate and therefore had no idea that Chloe was — and still is — posing on internet chatrooms as a boy.

The day after we spoke to Chloe’s grandmother the Facebook profile for “Matt” was taken down, although it remained on another site.

‘She’s a good girl and behaving herself now. We’ve explained to her that she will get into trouble with the police if she continues to pretend to be someone else, which I think she understands. She was very close to her grandfather, and when he died she became depressed and just didn’t want to be herself any more. She just wanted to be someone else.’

■ Some names have been changed for legal reasons.

original article here

THOUGHTS ON CYBERPATHS - FROM PROFESSIONALS & VICTIMS

Here on EOPC, we have quotes from victims of Cyberpaths and professionals dealing with Cyberpaths' victims as well as thoughts on the long term after-effects of their attacks. You may have read them elsewhere, you may not. We think they're important and powerful enough to include here so you can read them in their entirety - EOPC

FROM VICTIMS: "The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep" --- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern

"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals... They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim. The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare"-- Wife #7 of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially"- Wife #6 of Ed Hicks

"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target#1 of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in one abusive relationship after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction & half-truths behind them.
I'd known him over 25 years. I thought I could trust him. I did what I did from the heart and with genuine, deep emotion - and he knew it! Now he says it was 'all a game' - that's first I have heard it was a GAME!
Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief. After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are twisted, with the spin to make HIM look the victim. At least I have hard evidence that he's lying. It's nothing less than soul murder." --Target #1 of Jeff Dunetz/ YidwithLid

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

"[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me!" -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock...
Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages. "...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky. "My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming." "The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email.

And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day." -- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." -- Joe Teig, New York, NY


FROM PROFESSIONALS:

"We now understand that women & men are not "crazy" or "defective" when, in response to trauma, they develop PTSD symptoms, including insomnia, flashbacks, phobias, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, a numbed toughness, amnesia, shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-mutilation and social withdrawal. - Phyllis Chesler, MD

"We hear about Internet predators for children, I don't think we're hearing very much about Internet predators for middle age women at all. And that bothers me," -- SANDRA PHIPPS, FightBigamy

"When [] predators are found using the Internet a common response of the Internet industry and government officials is to blame someone else, or say that nothing can be done to stop it." -- Donna M. Hughes, PhD; Univ. of Rhode Island

"We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate [the predator's] access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many [cyberpaths] deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves." - What Makes Narcissists Tick

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"

"[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen..." - Mary Ann Borg Cunen

"Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people. Estimates have gone up to 30% that online daters are married. That represents an emotional risk to our membership base. I want to eliminate those people [from] the site." - Herb Vest, CEO of True.com

"How do we go from fantasy to reality? Lots of people have private fantasies that give them some sort of pleasure and maybe even trouble them, but they don't act on them. I think one of the contributory facts-- it's not the only one-- is the insidious nature of the internet itself. I think there are three things that are problematic about the Internet, or at least three things. One is the easy accessibility. You don't, in the beginning at least, have to go anywhere. You just push a button that's sitting there next to you.
Secondly, there's this illusion of anonymity, which can be very disinhibiting. You feel as though you're there in the privacy of your bedroom. It's not that private, but you don't sense that at the time. And thirdly, there is a distortion of reality and fantasy to some extent. That people feel as though they're playing a game. They're making up who they are. They wonder if someone else is giving a false persona. They begin to do things that in the light of day they might never have done and then, ultimately and sadly, sometimes cross a line that they might not otherwise have crossed. Where do they get the message [the internet] is where you can go? We've created a "we versus they" mentality. And I understand that what they do is offensive. It's aggravating. It makes me angry. But we're not going to solve the problem by pushing it further underground." - Dr. Fred Berlin, Psychiatrist, Johns Hopkins University on "DATELINE NBC"

"I love words. I believe in the power of words. I believe that if truthful words are spoken, written, shared, they will be heard, and they will be answered. Not with a [cyberpath]. You get sucker-punched in trying to explain something. There is no response to what is said. Words are deflected, twisted, questions answered with questions, non sequitors abound." - NarcissisticAbuse.com

"This is the classic emotional rape scenario: the use of a higher emotion (such as love) to fulfill a hidden agenda... There can be no hidden agendas in real love. These features, even if identified in retrospect, can help victims understand what has happened to them, giving them a chance of real recovery. - Dr. Mike Fox, The Emotional Rape Syndrome

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- - Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

"The [exposed Cyberpath] on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced [target] who dared to oppose them, [expose them], to disagree with them or to outshine them. [The Cyberpath] can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf "

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality."- Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the real truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University


FINAL THOUGHTS

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." -- Voltaire

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Beatty Chadwick: Still Trolling for Love

by Monica Yant Kinney

The online dating world is full of wishful thinking, baggage-hiding, and artfully chosen photos that defy reality and gravity. All laptop romantics fib a little, hoping the truth won't matter once they've made an electronic love connection with another lonely liar.

But even by today's standards, the Match.com post by an infamous former Main Liner is a stretch.

The half-dozen pictures show a balding gent resembling Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, but the profile lists his age at an inconceivable 54.

He's a Gemini who digs dogs and devours the Economist, a lawyer who earns $150,000 a year. He's "athletic and toned" and seeks a "slender" younger gal interested in summering on a lake in Michigan with a cultured sugar daddy.

"I subscribe to the orchestra, ballet, opera, and theater."

Gee, I tell beattychad when I reach him by phone Monday at his place in Wilmington, you sound like a real catch. But, uh, is any of this version of you true?

Heh heh heh, H. Beatty Chadwick laughs nervously like his animated doppleganger. "What one says online is not always the fact."

A numbers game
If you want the facts, go to a file room at the Schnader Harrison law firm, where 76 boxes marked Chadwick are stacked floor to ceiling.

Surely you remember the basics: Beatty Chadwick, a corporate lawyer with blue blood and a stubborn streak, was accused of hiding $2.5 million from his then-wife, Bobbie, rather than turn it over in one of the Main Line's most salacious divorces.

In court in 1993, Chadwick said he transferred most of the couple's assets to Gibraltar, of all places, to satisfy a murky debt. Bobbie Chadwick's lawyer, Albert Momjian, contended that the alleged "debt" was a fraud; Beatty Chadwick had hidden the funds around the world so his ex wouldn't see a cent.

A judge agreed and ordered Chadwick to return the money. He refused, was held in contempt, and was arrested in 1995. For reasons only Beatty Chadwick knows, he then chose to spend 14 years behind bars in Delaware County rather than give in to his former flame.

Chadwick was finally released in 2009 when a judge determined that the epic incarceration had lost its "coercive" effect.

The man who had served the longest contempt term in U.S. history was finally free. And where better to start over than on the Internet?

Who's your sugar daddy?
"Yes, it is I," Chadwick says with a chuckle when I ask if he's beattychad. "I am testing the waters. I haven't met anyone yet."

Beattychad is a highly paid lawyer, but Beatty Chadwick is not. His license was suspended. He tells me he's working in real estate development, but is vague on his income: "I don't know why [the dating profile he created] would say I was making a lot of money."

Chadwick is 74, not 54. Of this deception he jokes, "I didn't count the years I spent in jail."

Beattychad has been on the prowl for a month, much to the horror of the former Mrs. Chadwick.

"Unbelievable!" Barbara "Bobbie" Applegate shrieks upon hearing about her ex's online role-playing when reached at her new home in Maine. "He's sick. He's crazy. He's always been a person who didn't have to live by the rules."

Sitting behind his desk, Momjian the lawyer smiles and asks for a copy of Chadwick's online persona. The divorce was finalized long ago, but the financial case drags on.

"We've had him back in court since his release," Momjian tells me. "We've asked for his tax returns. He's still not cooperating."

Momjian seems particularly intrigued by Chadwick's luring women with the promise of pricey European vacations and wine tasting.

"I would imagine that $2.5 million grew, wherever it was," the lawyer surmises. Whether the stolen funds doubled or tripled, "we're going to get that money."

If not, there's always Plan B: "I'd do anything to get him back in jail."

original article here

Jeff Dunetz/ YidwithLid: SEX ADDICT/PREDATOR - FINALLY REVEALED.

We use portions of our interviews here to consolidate the nasty truth about Yidwithlid /Dunetz / GRIDNEY!

Please note, as we have said before we will not publish false statements or speculation. We check. Everything we have here has been legally verified and documentation has been submitted. Our comments are in purple - EOPC


Target #1: "I felt mortified, like a bad joke, stupid and ugly. I hadn't been able to listen to my gut in almost two years after all the brainwashing he'd put me through. I would ask Yidwithlid point blank questions and he CONTINUED to lie to me. Again, I fully admit what I did was wrong. Very wrong and I take full responsibility. I was in a very deep depression and I now know after all my counseling coerced and mind controlled by an expert predator - but it was still wrong. I pray for his wife and kids a lot.

I couldn't sleep, I was vomiting all the time, I was getting my kids to & from school but that was about it, my ex-husband thought I had lost my mind. I was at the doctor a lot or the E.R. and very very sedated. I couldn't drive and after a time I unplugged my computer & even destroyed some of the peripherals.

Yidwithlid THREATENED me and told me in an email I that he was going to help my ex-husband take my children away. All for simply telling the truth.... I was destroyed. Target #2 suggested I call his office, and Target #2 gave me the number. In the middle of the night and left him a voicemail calling him a predator. That was harassing & childish, I know. Now I realize he's probably sociopathic and this is what they do.

I wasn't angry, I was out of my mind with guilt and pain about where I had - in my depression and loneliness - allowed this man to take me. (Don't beat yourself up Target #1. He's a predator. Predators hunt the wounded. You were wounded - he knew it - and he took advantage of that and your prior relationship and moved in for the predator-hypnosis to get you to bypass your common sense. Your only mistake was really caring about & trusting him.)

TARGET #1s letter regarding his apology; which we previously posted; to Yidwithlid/GRIDNEY:

VERIZON HEADER
(verified)
From: (deleted) @verizon.net
Date: 2004/03/27 Sat AM 11:55:21 EDT
To: gridney@att.net
Subject:

Thank you for your apology Mr. Dunetz. But, it is time for your reality check.

YOU have been selfish? You think THAT’s the problem?

No, Jeff. You owe me for the hours I have spent with my therapists and the time I spent with Detective (deleted) at the 11Xth Precinct. You are now registered in the local & federal files. There is nowhere to run Jeff. Cut the personal pity party.

You took things I said to you out of deep love, and used them on Target #2 to create the “illusion of intimacy.” Because you aren’t human. You aren’t a real person so you ABSORBED MY PERSONALITY. You took my catch phrases and patterns and either mirrored them to me or to Target #2. Because you are too hollow and soul-less. Yes I am still 'married' on paper and yes, what I did was not right. But you kept reeling me in with guilt. You STOLE Me. No, you savaged ME.

A few weeks ago you said to me (as you had many times & I IGNORED it) “Target #1, I am sick… you don’t know me… I need help …. You don’t know how sick I am.” For once you were right. You took me to an internet porn site where you were role playing. It was disturbing but I ignored it, as abused women do. You have masturbated on camera to me (the camera YOUR WIFE GAVE YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY), sent me pictures of your penis, sent me porn movies and images. None of them did I ask for. You assaulted me. No Jeff, let me call it what my therapist did – RAPE. R A P E. You RAPED me. I am being treated as a RAPE victim.

Your kids? You owe me for the therapy sessions my kids have had and will have about you. Do you remember the phone sex you had with me the night of the Aaron Carter concert? You just WAITING for (your wife) and the kids to be out of the house!!! I didn't talk but YOU SURE DID! And there were times you had cyber or voice sex with me when the KIDS WERE HOME IN THE HOUSE. And I know you did it WHILE YOU WERE AT WORK. You showed depraved indifference to your wife, me, TARGET #2 and worst of all YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

You are a monster. You are not even fit to be called human. Your wife is throwing up? I wish I was there to hold her hand. Me? Well I know you don't care but - I haven’t slept or eaten much in 2 weeks, I vomit to the point my esophagus spasms now without provocation, I have had 2 mild seizures and have tremors, my heart is racing so fast my doctors fear a stroke. I have been to the hospital 3 times. Oh yes, my doctors all know everything too – in case something happens to me. This is what you have done to your old “friend.” The "friend" you told Target #2 “never helped” you.

Your response is still all about you – with next to NO acknowledgment or owning of your behavior. Profoundly sorry? Is that supposed to cover it? Since your words are garbage I think not. I BEGGED you to be a real friend to me, to see me, to have an OPEN relationship with me. Let me meet your friends. You even had lunch with me BLOCKS AWAY from your office – so no one would SEE????? Your eyes darting around the room like I was too awful to be seen with. I begged you for normalcy. BEGGED.

When things came down with my estranged husband, you RAN from me to PROTECT YOUR OWN ASS. (My estranged husband) tried to contact you and you RAN!! You were sooooo worried about your wife finding out. I took beatings IN YOUR NAME, stuck by you out of friendship and once my estranged husband knew and keylogged me the abuse got even worse. Doctors & the police know this also. A real person would have stepped up to the plate and been there for me at least emotionally. We would have worked it out rather than perpetuating the extreme harm you caused me. But no – you were leading a double & triple life. If you call that life. All the times you said you had to go or were off to bed and were still online for hours later. Not just recently but for the last 2 years. What were you doing Yidwithlid? And with who else? Who else has fallen victim? (the police told her later - hookers, phone sex operators and online live porn girls)

Quitting the XXX board was selfish? You got online to tell me “you would be so proud of me – I quit the board today” O God, I told you - you 'needed less stress and to do the right thing.' What ELSE are you going to blame me for? What are you TELLING people about me? All lies too?

I keep reviewing college as well as the last two years to see what CLUES I missed, what I didn’t see, what happened. Where I made the sin of ENABLING you. You have over the last 2 years, driven me to the brink of suicide more than once. You think it was because of my problems with (my estranged husband) that I was so depressed? Think again, if you are capable of thinking of anyone other than yourself.

And how pathetic am I? Was there for you anytime you wanted to just talk. And you wouldn’t return it to me. You dangled it, told me you wanted me to 'feel better', you implied it – even when you were definitely married and HAD NO RIGHT TO. Yes, I am separate and I was dead wrong and 'let' you coerce me. But all to feed your Ego.

No Jeff, this isn’t about hurt and jealousy and sex addiction. I know your wife hates me as you have probably painted a ****ed up picture of me but she deserved to know. Any wife or mother would. And I am sorry beyond belief for hurting her.

The protection of myself and my children is first and foremost and I demand this from you to be able to accomplish this. TRUTH. No more embellishment. Share it with everyone. Your wife, me, Target #2 your clergyman, your therapist. Stop the pity party for poor little Jeff. Go look in the mirror and attempt some empathy for what you are doing and have done to me. The ultimate harm.

Target #1 continues - My precinct referred me to the main Computer Crimes Squad.

I took the IM threat Yidwithlid had sent me and the conversations between Yidwithlid and I that my ex-husband had hacked off our computer for months. I was saving stuff now because Yidwithlid completely raged at me and it scared me. Target #2 kept reminding me to save everything now.

The hate he'd truly had for me all those years had finally come out. I was "all bad" and he was going to punish me. I was terrified for my children.

I was starting to feel that maybe because he couldn't lie anymore he'd do more than smear me - he'd find a way to physically harm me.

I went to Computer Crimes and sat with 2 nice detectives. They punched his online nickname in. I remember one of them glancing at me and telling me to take a look. The screen was turned towards me as they entered a review board of some sort. My heart stopped and I stopped breathing for a minute. I had taken this person at his word because I knew him, and had for years! Was this him? There it was, online for all to see.The sickening truth was right there.....


Yidwithlid had been posting for years (well before he looked me up) on a site that reviews the "performances" of escorts (aka - hookers or prostitutes). The men on the site called themselves "sex hobbyists" or "mongers."

(Fox News reported that during period of high male unemployment, hits to sites like PornHub.com tripled)

The detectives then went to a few other similar sites and he was on a couple of those too.

It was him, no doubt. Same nickname, same bad spelling and grammar and same sick sarcastic, objectified language.

I am no prude but it was a real slap to see the acronyms and misogynistic terms in which he described these women (who had their prices and what they would do for this money listed also - and it was VERY expensive!).

There were about 14 of these reviews found and it seemed to be a monthly or bi-monthly expense for him. No wonder he was "SOOOO frustrated" while he was unemployed. The girls' pictures were there too. I felt sorry for these pretty women who did this for a living.

And the terms Yidwithlid used, the acronyms, the things they did - the GFE (the police told me that was the "girlfriend experience" - where the whore treats the john like her "boyfriend" for 50 mins!!) It was pathetic!

Everything was a lie. EVERYTHING - anything he said to his family, his clergy, his office, to me, to Target #2 and even to himself - was a lie. All his moral lectures to me, his writing about politics & religion... his holier than thou attitude towards me at the end...

(Yidwithlid/ Yid with lid/ GRIDNEY has since attempted to remove and erase these reviews and say they never existed but archive.org and other archival net services have it all, including his credit card and IP addresses. Also, note in the ad for TER we have above the words "its nice to share" - Sammy Benoit / Yid with lid GRIDNEY used that 'SHARE' phrase in his early chats with Target #1! - Predators usually lie non-stop to the point that it becomes a way of life for them. Scary part is - due to their disorder they come to BELIEVE their lies so much that studies show they pass lie detector tests. So separating the calculated lie from the compulsive lie is almost impossible.)


"I felt faint and was taken by a woman from Victim's Witness to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I promptly threw up again. The police had a victim's advocate come talk to me who asked me for the name of the therapist I saw for the abuse I was getting from my ex-husband. She told me she'd call her because it might be a good idea for me to get medication or go away for a while. She told me I was white as a sheet.

Yes, I had had some cybersex with him - only him - and that was it. I wasn't hiring hookers or looking at porn. It was just him! And if I didn't know him I would never have done it. (She didn't know yet she'd been seduced & brainwashed & mind controlled!!)

Yidwithlid was into more. MUCH more.

The detectives called Target #2 for her address and said they would get everything to her for verification.

"The detectives they were busy printing things out and made me a disc of everything. They thanked me profusely and said they now had good information as part of another ongoing major investigation. But they wouldn't tell me what and frankly, I'd heard enough. They gave me their cards, asked me to sign some things about having my email traced in case Yidwithlid tried to write me again and to monitor my IMs. I asked them to consider not prosecuting him for soliciting hookers because of his wife & kids. I had done enough and I didn't want innocent people hurt.

Yidwithlid had told me he was "sick and needed help." Heck yes he WAS!! Yidwithlid even used the adventures he had with these sex actresses as scenarios for cybersex!!

The terminologies he used for intimacy, the body parts and other sexual acts was really twisted. Yidwithlid talked about these women like they were tissues to be used and tossed away. The same way he'd treated me! Yid with lid only had one bad prostitute experience - about the same time he had told me he was in the hospital for angina, after which he blabbed to me about his marital relations with his wife a couple days later. Another purposely cruel and heartless moment - as well as it NOT BEING MY BUSINESS. (no boundaries and inappropriate for this Target or anyone to hear. In our opinion, typical cyberpath emotional & mental cruelty. They get off on doing this to their victims and purposely hurting them.)

Here Yidwithlid was online BRAGGING about sex with whores, and how much they "liked" him. (they liked his Amex card, probably) It was just off-the-charts.

And he kept on using that SAME OLD 'gridney' NICKNAME. Yidwithlid just couldn't keep him mouth shut OR even think up a different identity to protect his own family. (Typical predator arrogance)

And as far as I was concerned, Yid with Lid found me disposable. He NEVER cared about me one single bit. I filled in time when he didn't have the money for the pros. He only wrote to me because we had sex a couple times in college and his online ADs for casual sex didn't pan out and he couldn't afford hookers at that time. He could have cared less about the abortion I even had for him. I wasn't really ever in his picture. I was just on his computer - when HE felt like it.


(Target #2 sent us the hooker reviews - we can't post them here for obvious reasons. Let's just say Yidwithlid is one sick man. Readers, that's what you are to these men - not a LOVE object, but a sex and online fun/games object.)

More from Target #1: "The men on these sites were incredible! Victims Advocacy called it 'paid gang rape.' You pay for a high-price hooker, do all sorts of nasty things with them... O.K. - but then you get on a board to TELL OTHER MEN WHAT YOU DID and RATE EACH GIRL'S PERFORMANCE. I wondered if he had been checked for ORAL STDS too. Or germs carried for months on the skin?

I also got very scared for his wife. Figuring he'd already dragged my name through the mud to her and blamed me for everything - I couldn't very well just call her up.

Yidwithlid had called my first letter to her "prose." He probably did a wonderful tap-dance of what a liar I was. His wife would never want to speak to me after my involvement as well. Yidwithlid would make very sure of that.


(what is truly revealing about these types of boards is that these predators will choose a woman and book her online, get their fantasy about this particular hooker going. Then they get to the brothel and the woman isn't available or running late? They will go with someone else - no problem.

To the sex-addict/cyberpath - any person is good to go... a blow up doll with a pulse, or words on their computers. That's all. - EOPC)


"Target #2 sent the police a homemade porn video Yidwithlid had emailed her that she swore she never asked for! Target #2 told me she'd sent it to the FBI as well because it was so distrubing. (but they did nothing)

The detectives called me a few days later after did a little more searching and turned up phone sex hits, online porn webcam sex, sex-partner-wanted ads (in which he said he wanted "ANYONE FOR ANYTHING") with his ISPs, nickname, etc. all confirmed by the police forensics.

Law enforcement also found something about an e-site he was possibly connected to where men learn how to seduce women. It was called "The Secrets of Sexual Addiction." Yidwithlid had tried to mask his real name a couple times on these sites but he used his credit card. And many of these from years BEFORE he got in touch with me.

It was surreal. But I knew this person.... I thought! We'd had so many great chats about so many things, not just sex. I was NOTHING to him. NOTHING. I was a THING to be used and walked away from - just like the hookers!

This wasn't even about me & him and some cybersex chats . It was a much bigger and uglier problem and one I wasn't involved with. For me it was just chatting with him. I liked talking to him a lot more than the cybersex but it seemed he wouldn't talk to me without the latter. For Yidwithlid it was a full blown addiction. Yid with lid had reassured me many times it wasn't all about sex... but for him it was.

Then I felt worse. The ONLY reason he'd gotten in touch with me was to TARGET & use me. I was a freebie for him, a guinea pig to try his 'make a woman sexually addicted to you' stuff on and nothing more.

That fact I'd had real feelings for him all those years - just helped along his toying with me.

The things I had done ... the abuse I took from my ex-husband because of HIM.... the abuse of my kids because of my sticking up for Yid with lid .... the times I tried to end it and then got reeled back in. All the times I begged him to take his wife & he to marriage counseling and to work on his marriage. I felt sick. I meant absolutely nothing to him - not even as a friend.

Why had he done this me? Why?

"While I was at Computer Crimes, they showed me how EASY it was to link his nickname with his real name and in a couple clicks have his home address. On his sex-partner-wanted ads he listed what city he lived in! And his wife and kids lived there! Any psycho could go there and hurt his wife or kids! (Cyberpath's lack of personal responsibility! - Fighter)

"The police had sent everything to Target #2 - but she was FURIOUS. She thanked me for "saving her" from him. She said it made that silly "apology" of his even more of a lie. Yidwithlid must have thought he still had his sex-hobby in his pocket as a back up once he'd dumped me.

"As long as he could shut up myself and Target #2 and tell his version to "protect his wife" - he was ok. The more the truth came out and he couldn't tell a selective story - the more irate he got. That "apology" was yet another smokescreen as was his smear campaign against me. (and a classic online predator move!)

"Though I knew I was the last person she wanted to hear from I felt his wife deserved to know what he was bringing into her home and their bed. Along with my genuine & profuse apology. As far as I was concerned I was wrong and she could spit on me, slap me or talk to me or all three. I gave her my phone number and told her when she felt ready to call me. (so far she never has and I am not surprised, nor did I really expect her too) Yidwithlid even told me in his IM threat he told his wife I was a liar. (of course not! these cyberpaths all think their mere words can recreate reality. The wife probably swallowed the whole story and he probably blamed his targets or said they "set him up." - Fighter)

"Additionally, Yid with lid had been telling me, Target #2 and my friend that his wife was "sexually disappointing." Well, of course she was next to a paid-sex-actress!!. His wife was a mother & was working a job too and this jerk was spending his evenings online with women or porn or both; and his lunch hours at the high-end whorehouse using women like meat. That's what he REALLY thought of women. Everything with me had been a sick set up! He ruined my relationship and plunged me into PTSD over a set up!

I decided to send him an email with everything on it. I wish I could have been a FLY ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN when he opened that email!! I told him the police already had it. Then I cried, unplugged my computer and didn't stop crying or vomitting for days.

"Weeks later I got a distrubing letter from Dunetz's county Police Department telling me to call them as I was needed for questioning.

"I called and a detective finally called me back. Seems Yidwithlid and his wife had taken out a cease & desist order on myself and Target #2 and supposedly I had violated it. I never never received any order and knew nothing about it so how could I have violated it?? (Police were unable to produce any PROOF OF SERVICE for such a cease & desist)

"Besides I had cut off all contact and Computer Crimes was getting a me temporary protective order on him.

Appeared that Yidwithlid had taken selective things into his police and told them I was not only lying and making things up but harassing and stalking Yidwithli. I was too sick to get out of bed 1/2 the time now from lack of sleep and trauma. How could I do that?

This detective must have been a friend of theirs because he was very nasty to me and kept mumbling. The detective wouldn't come to see me for questioning but wanted me to drive the full hour there - which was not possible, in part due to my disability and how sick this had made me. I found out later everything I sent them somehow "got lost." Now I think this friend of he & his wife harassed me "as a favor" to them.

Detective D'Axxx was shocked to learn I was disabled. I could only imagine how Yidwithlid had described me. He called my doctor and she confirmed I'd been very sick, in the hospital and I was too crippled to be driving to Yidwithlids home in the middle of the night; as he alleged I was doing! The Detective must have gotten quite a shock. (seems Yid and his wife convinced the Detective Target #1 was just a jealous obsessed woman - when she was ANYTHING BUT!)

I got in touch with the Sargeant in charge and sent him everything: Yidwithlid's hooker reviews, Yidwithlid's threat and the names of the NYPD detectives I had talked to. Target #2 called the Sargent too and told him it was her.

I had been too sick and in and out of hospital. I didn't want to go back. This traumatized me all over again.

A verified copy of the cover letter sent to the Det. (D'A(deleted)) along with all findings and data from the Computer Crimes detectives - Sent by Target #1 to stop the harassment & cyberstalking of her:

May 29, 2004

Detective D’AXXX
County of XXX Police Department
XXX Precinct
Crime Section
XXXX Avenue
XXXXX, XX

RE: Complaint # 04-261540

I am in receipt of the form letter regarding the above referenced file. I called your office on Friday, May 28, 2004 and left a message for you. The officer I spoke with informed me that there is a letter from an attorney’s office telling me to stop contacting Mr. & Mrs. Dunetz.

I never received any such letter and as a former paralegal, find it odd any attorney would actually send one without a proof-of-service. Nor have I contacted either party for over 2 months. I would like to see proof-of-service.

The last time I verbally spoke to Mr. Dunetzwas on March 17, 2004 when called me after I had learned that he, my dear friend of many years, had engaged in immoral and predatory behavior as well as abusing my good nature and causing considerable psychological harm to my family. Yes, I was very very wrong in participating but I did not return his sick behavior towards me in kind. I told him any information that was found about his activities would be passed along to his wife, which is what I did. I also urged him to get psychiatric help.

On Friday, March 19, 2004 Mr. Dunetz instant messaged me on MSN with the attached unedited threat. I panicked about his frame of mind and threats and on Saturday, March 20, 2004 I visited Detective XX at the XXX 11Xth Precinct to try to get a TRO. Mr. Dunetz was placed onto their database. (the attachments will give you a time frame and more information)

Sunday, March 21, 2004 Mr. Dunetz sent an email attempting to apologize for his behavior, both to Target #2and myself. He unfortunately misspelled my name in a rude manner (i.e. XXXX instead of XXX), which triggered me even more. That week I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have been to a doctor and hospitals (name of hospitals) a number of times for chest pain, insomnia, tremors, bloody vomit, loss of appetite, esophagel burning and dehydration.

I am taking sedatives as needed under doctors orders to deal with what I have been told is severe trauma & emotional rape done toe me by Mr. Dunetz so there is no way I could drive to talk to you. I am simply not well enough. I have also been seeing a psychologist regularly since this information came to light in mid-March.

It so happened that the XX State Attorney General’s office is doing a sweep of brothels in Manhattan that advertise online. Mr. Dunetz regularly visited two of them as you can see in these hard copies of his "reviews" from TheEroticReview.com and UtopiaGuide.com.

XXXX Computer Crimes has told me that even if he tries to remove this evidence and cover up or deny it ever existed, that, should it come to court, the cache files from these sites would have his ISP and source codes and the website could be asked for his credit card information.

The two brothels, XXX’s and XXXXX’s, could be questioned also as part of this ongoing investigation by the XXX Department of Investigation.

Three of these hooker-review posts were made BEFORE Mr. Dunetz looked me up online at Classmates.com, one was just one month after! And this is the tip of the iceberg.

(We had a link to these posts on utopiaguide.com but NYPD finally confirmed for us recently that they were removed by activity positively identified as coming from gridney/ YidwithLid's IP - EOPC)

I understand Target #2 has sent you a copy of a video that Mr. Dunetz emailed her a couple months ago. Target #2 did not ASK for this video and it upset her greatly. While there is no face in the video, it was probably made in an area of the Dunetz home. A copy of it has been sent to the XXX and the FBI. I am also enclosing a copy of one of the suggestive emails Mr. Dunetz sent me last year. I have since blocked all his email from reaching me, closed down most of my email accounts, dismantled online chats and had myself removed from any online school reunion sites (which is where Mr. Dunetz initially found me in April 2002). However he does know my address and phone numbers and seems to stop at nothing, including using legal and law enforcement resources (and his wife’s trust) to manipulate a cover-up of his actions.

As someone on permanent disability and the primary caretaker for two children, this man’s remorseless actions are very threatening to me. (and this predator didn't end there!! Click Here for what he did as recently as 2008)

As far as contacting Target #2 – a review of Mr. Dunetz's cell phone records (a cell phone paid for by his employer apparently) would show numerous calls placed to her by Mr. Dunetz between January and March, 2004. He should be asked for that number. Target #2 would be more than happy to speak with you.

I do not appreciate this malicious retaliation, frivolous legal action and an obvious attempt to “turn the tables” and portray me as a “woman scorned” on Mr. Dunetz's part. This new development has harmed my physical health and I have been diagnosed with PTSD, yet again.

If this is passed on to them or their attorney I only hope that Mr. Dunetz gets help for this possibly mentally ill behavior and his wife gets all the legal and emotional support she needs to deal with the actions of this man. As well as passing on to his wife that I am deeply, deeply sorry.

I hope this information completes your file. Please contact XXX at the numbers provided for any further information as I have turned everything over to them weeks ago.

Target #1
_____________________________________________

Detective XXX
XXX Computer Crimes
(see attached copy of letter)
XXX-610-XXXX

Detective XXX
11Xth Precinct, XXX
XXX-205-XXXX

XXXX, XX State Attorney General’s Office
Who referred the brothel information to:
Detective XXX, XX Computer Crimes
(investigating the brothels for XX State Attorney General)
XX-610-XXXX

XXX Department of Investigation
(investigating the brothels and online review sites where Mr. Dunetz was posting)
XXX-825-XXXX
May 29, 2004

Target #1: I did openly admit my guilt and stupidity. For the sake of my family and Dunetz' I got past my embarrassment and made sure I had hard evidence to back up what I was saying. It was the only way that everyone finally left me alone. I'd already cut off contact. I guess Jeff had forgotten a few important details! (this is also a classic -- the SMEAR CAMPAIGN abusers run when they are caught and/ or held accountable. This smearing is a predictable as the sunrise. As with Hicks, Dorsky, Beckstead, Thomas, Jacoby... 'its the Target's fault, the predators are innocent victims, they 'did nothing wrong', 'its all a lie' or 'here's MY true version of the story' (selective truth of course) EOPC is posting Dunetz' rewrite of history below... )

Target #1 - "I have never again heard a word from Yidwithlid - nothing. Not even a real apology. Mostly stuff to try to tell me and everyone else he was lying about me to I was "hurting his family" by not keeping his secrets. My therapists were happy I told. I dismantled my computer and didn't go back online for a VERY long time. I was wrong and I stopped what I was doing right away. I just "unplugged' completely!

"I have NEVER done online dating and NEVER hung out in chat rooms or social networking --ever.

Yid with lid was probably the only person from my life who could have gotten me to do what he did. He played on my long-standing fondness for him and worked me into an trauma-bonded mess so I was unable to stop myself. And I am sure his ego would have loved hearing that.

"I wasn't online looking for love, sex or anything. And I let my loneliness & vulnerability get the better of me. It was a long time before I went back online at all. A VERY long time. (It wasn't YOUR FAULT - he used seductive NLP & mind control on you!)

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being abused by a narcissistic parent, friends and subsequently almost every man I'd gotten involved with. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person, bare your soul and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse and go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction behind them. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief. I still have love in my heart for him, that will never stop. The police and the D.A.'s office called a few times after for verification of information. I just added I wanted Yidwithlid to get help and his kids not be traumatized because of him.

I felt dirty and I apologized over & over to anyone that I'd hurt during this. I was wrong, I have never denied that. After distancing himself from me forever, I hear he now tells stories, all of which are factually twisted with the spin and leaving out certain facts to make HIM look the victim. It's nothing less than soul murder."

Narcissists almost make a career out of being victims. Ask any narcissist to tell you his story and you are bound to hear about the evil ex-wife, the ungrateful children, the idiotic and exploitative bosses, the crooked partner and every person who has been out to get them throughout their lives - which just about includes everyone they have ever encountered. Get involved with them and you will be the next addition to the list.

They go to great lengths to understand the human species and win favour with the bulk of it, so they actually know about things like love and caring and kindness. They simply have no clue what it means, which doesn't really matter anyway. All that counts to them is the results they can get if they know how to effectively use these things.

They know that, "I love you" turns on your wishful thinking, forgiving nature or your guilt and gets them back in the door. The know that "I'm sorry" gets them forgiven and gives them license to do it all again. They know that "I'll change" buys them time to work on you some more. They know that their numerous excuses take the focus off them and get them off the hook.

When we simply accept these things and even protect abusers from the consequences of their actions, we are not only giving them permission to continue, but to escalate to even greater levels of abusive power and control.

If an abuser is going to change, it will be because he is forced to. For as long as he can keep getting away with his behaviours and keep you coming back for more, there will be no incentive to change.

For as long as he can make you feel sorry for him, he has you where he wants you.

http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-victims.html

"I was informed Yid with lid has surfed for me and my nicknames online numerous times, he tries to cloak his ISP and location - but law enforcement knew it was him. Site owners where I post tell me too. He came to my personal blog for a while a couple months after I started to be physically better until I put up a page telling him to "stop or just talk to me." This not-so-secretive stalking of his was making it harder for me to move forward.

I've been told he tells people I am physically stalking him; which is physically impossible for me to do. I still reel from it all.... the big malicious horrible lie. From someone I knew! Why? Why?"

Acquaintance rape is using physical force, emotional bargaining, blackmail or mind games to force sexual intercourse, fondling, kissing, holding ... any sexual contact forced on you by a stranger or someone you know.

________________



Dunetz' 2007 version of what happened, with his Target's comments:

http://yidwithlid.blogspot.com/2007/03/story-of-gridney.html - THIS LINK NO LONGER WORKS

WHY WAS IT REMOVED? COVER UP? DENIAL? REMORSE? ADMISSION ?ONE CAN ONLY GUESS. (ODDLY ENOUGH -- SAME WAY THE ESCORT REVIEWS WERE 'REMOVED' - CLICK GONE! ) EXTRAPOLATING THE REASON IS IMPOSSIBLE SO JUST KNOW THAT IT'S GONE. BUT NOTHING EVER REALLY DISAPPEARS ON THE INTERNET.

Please, bear with me as I tell you a true (according to HIM) story. My Name is not Sammy I don't live in Tennessee. I used to write under my own name but a few years ago I had a falling out with a "friend" whom I knew from college. It’s the old story she was in an unhappy marriage and mine was going through a rough spot (this is a not an excuse, what we did was wrong (*forgets to mention that he looked me up in 2002, but NYPD TOLD ME HE was seeing prostitutes since 2000 and using phone sex operators & had an extensive internet porn library since at least 1999.). One thing lead to another and we began to have an inappropriate cyber relationship. IT WAS WRONG. I was Wrong and as a married woman she was just as wrong as me even though if you read her posts I am the only guilty one. (I have never not taken full blame and how DARE he moralize!! I never saw hookers or did online porn or lied to people telling them I "had feelings" for them and my "wife is cold & unfeeling" when I was just playing a sick sick game!! Also, I was separating/ separated at the time. His California target was not) Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else. What I didn't know was that the two were also online friends. So on the Ides of March three years ago, the two of them figured out what was going on.After the falling out the person went absolutely nuts "hell hath no fury" as they say. She found out where I lived, had child protection services visit my house (nope. I didn't send them) to interview my kids (the complaint was ruled unfounded of course) She had saved all off our cyber conversations printed them out and sent them to my wife (whom I had already told), My Rabbi, and even sent it to my boss. She even sent it to my 80-year-old parents…two days later my mom’s heart problems got worse and she landed in the hospital. What my mom ever did to her I will never know. (WHAT? what are you even talking about? I SAVED?? He knows my estranged-husband hacked it all and lawyers have it all now. His California target saved what she had and we sent things to his wife, because it was the right thing to doo... don't even know where his parents LIVE!)

She created and maintains a pornography site that she attached to attached my old site and now to this one. She vicious emails to sites that carried my writing such as AISH, Jewsweek and JWR. (More lies... complete fabrications with no evidence either target did any such thing)

Let me say this again. What I did was wrong! I also have learned what she did was wrong too although I suppose that she will never under stand that. I can take the harassing emails etc, but she goes after my family and friends. Once I came home from Shul on Shabbos and there was a scandalous letter in my mailbox and that of my neighbors. It was put there by one of her friends who live in my area. (what? hell no. And how did you come to this conclusion other than your imagination?) After that my wife, who is the real victim in this whole thing, was afraid to talk to our neighbors for a good couple of months. For over a year she would send emails and packages to my wife, telling her what a sap she is for staying with me, sending more porno etc. (what? emphatically no.) I love my wife very much and I will go to my grave being sorry for what I did to her. But my wife did nothing to this person, there was NO reason for her to spend two years tormenting my wife, NONE! (so why is Dunetz still smearing and attacking his targets? - EOPC)

Large amounts of money spent on lawyers and computer consultants writing letters to the web hosts of these porno sites, and even a police warrant basically left me with the fact that there was nothing much that I could do. I could sue (and if you read the lawyer’s comment from the article about Orthomom I put up yesterday, I could probably win. But the only good thing that could come out of that is that would do is take the down the sites. The bad things would be worse, making my wife go through it all again.) (then please take us to court! don't just lie about hiring lawyers & computer consultants you never did... let's go... so I can get all the VERIFIED EVIDENCE ENTERED INTO THE STATE RECORD - of what you really are!)

I changed my Internet name because, every time I would comment on a site, or a site would pick up one of my stories one of this person's minions would a comment defaming my name and telling people to go to that website http://www.pornspaces.com/gridney/, Some of what that site says about me IS true, most of it isn’t. Also it omits one very important point, what you learn in dance school, it took two to tango. So I changed my Internet name and location. I became Sammy Benoit, Yidwithlid, from Nashville. It was still me but I was trying to shield my wife from more torture. (still lying to her)

As for me, I have spent the last three years trying to ensure that I never again hurt my family and disappoint my friends. I have been in counseling alone and with my beloved wife. We have learned to talk to each other and have grown closer than ever before. She has forgiven but will never forget and I don’t blame her.

I have become more observant and spend more of my day in Torah study trying to learn the right way to live my life. I even got a laptop that sits on the kitchen table so my wife can open up and look anytime she wants. I have worked hard at trying to rebuild the trust of my family and friends; I know I can never fully regain it.

Why am I burdening you with this? Because about two weeks ago she tracked me down, my site meter began to that she along with her friends have linked their pseudo porno site to my blog, along with posting new crap on bulletin boards. They send me harassing emails through anomysers. But they are acting like terrorists. If they truly believed in what they were doing they would have no fear of Identifying themselves. I even got an anonymous email from one of her friends begging me to contact her. It won’t happen. I wont talk to her, or any of her friends. (gosh, what happened to the promises in that apology you sent? The promises to be in touch again are as phony as the apology.) First of all it would severely hurt my beloved wife, I will not do that again. Almost as important is that I have been able to grow, change and become a much better person, I do not need to talk to people that continue to find ways to hurt me and my family. I have moved on, and have tried to grow...they should too.

To be honest, I wanted to shut down again but my buddy XXXXX talked me out of it. Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her. I refuse that solution also, Loshen Hora is not right when she does it and it wouldn’t be right if I did it. I will not even out her by name in this post. (but he did post porn sites about us which are on file with the police & FBI - and... click here)

Our little blog community is very small; the little harassment game that she and her minions (minions? Dunetz playing martyr again) have been playing is building again. I am sure that you will begin to see more posts from her about me, posts springing up that say I am a horrible creep--I was, although not anywhere near as bad as they claim. I am sorry to have to bring this up to you, but as my readers I thought you should know. I promise that after this it will be back to regular content I am not going to run this time. (he removed it and attacked his targets then ran like the bully he is, repeatedly)

Over the last three years I have learned how powerful the love of family and friends is. I came very close to losing them. I will not destroy their trust ever again. (but destroying normal, innocent people is ok?)

The most powerful thing I learned was something that I had forgotten the fact that I married a wonderful woman with such a warm heart. Every morning when I go to minyan I thank G-d that I was allowed to realize what I had while I still had it. My change and development over the passed three years is due to her, and the love we have for each other. She was very hurt during the first few months, but she has taken on my quest to become a better person OUR quest. I couldn't have done it myself and through it sound like a corny line, she DOES complete me. If I spend the rest of my life running to do her every whim, I could not even approach being as good to her as she has been to me.

I used to be an actor; I once had a director that had an interesting tradition. Before the opening curtain he would go up to each one of us, fake spitting in our faces and give us a kick in the butt. His reason was, once we have been spit on and kicked in the butt there is nothing bad that can happen to you.

As many of you know, my wife was in the hospital for most of the month of January, it looks like she may need additional and much more serious surgery right after Passover. By writing this, spitting in my own face and kicking myself in the ass (something I have been doing for three years anyway) I pray that my drama teacher was right, nothing bad can happen to me or my family. (but your victims both spent time in the hospital and have been forever changed but you could care less because you're covering your a**, Dunetz)

Thank you all for listening. (and if you believe that there's a bridge in Brooklyn for sale)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDSFSfHcmp0]

More from Dunetz, removed from his site.
Below is the comment that they drafted and submitted to my site. It is interesting that my former friend wrote the anonymous comment as it was someone else talking about HER when ..it WAS her. Based on her desire to stick it to me I am sure you will see more of this on the net. (nope, not us - a friend probably but not either of us)

It’s good you are confessing half of your fault in this whole story. However things are not and they will never be, so black and white. There’s always a grey area. What I mean with this, is that you know you are blaming someone for a lot of things she didn't do and wasn't even aware of.

Truth is by that time, you weren’t respecting your wife. You used to frequent a brothel and writing public reviews about the hookers who turned you on. During the period you were corresponding with that woman, you confessed a lot of things about your wife you didn’t like. Strange way to express your love about her, the “beloved one”. You contacted her with the simple purpose of taking her for a ride, taking full advantage of a past story you had together. You contacted her and profiled her knowing her state of mind was not good and that she still had a lot of affection for you. Are you fairly sure she does KNOW this new identity because she still feels a lot of shame & guilt and would NEVER NEVER harrass your family or you.

See, on how things are not so black and white? As if it wasn’t enough, while corresponding with her, you “fell in love” with another woman in the other side of the country, with whom you were willing to have sex encounters, etc, etc, etc…

You can tell the story the way you want and paint the picture the way it fits you better. However, you know very well this not accurate. This is just some strategy you’re using.

I know you will delete this comment but if you are going to come clean - tell BOTH sides of the story - the whole story.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Yid With Lid said...

Ok XXXXX Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually.

As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick?

I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments.

When you decide that the health of your XXX are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG

(Don't think hospitalization for trauma and PTSD qualifies as 'bruised ego')

_______________________________

Did you catch this readers:

Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else

How cold, calculated, disgusting, heartless and misogynistic Dunetz is... classic cyberpath and predator.

INTERNET ESCORT'S HANDBOOK

yidwithlid