We use portions of our interviews here to consolidate the nasty truth about Yidwithlid /Dunetz / GRIDNEY!
Please note, as we have said before we will not publish false statements or speculation. We check. Everything we have here has been legally verified and documentation has been submitted. Our comments are in purple - EOPC
Target #1: "I felt mortified, like a bad joke, stupid and ugly. I hadn't been able to listen to my gut in almost two years after all the brainwashing he'd put me through. I would ask Yidwithlid point blank questions and he CONTINUED to lie to me. Again, I fully admit what I did was wrong. Very wrong and I take full responsibility. I was in a very deep depression and I now know after all my counseling coerced and mind controlled by an expert predator - but it was still wrong. I pray for his wife and kids a lot.
I couldn't sleep, I was vomiting all the time, I was getting my kids to & from school but that was about it, my ex-husband thought I had lost my mind. I was at the doctor a lot or the E.R. and very very sedated. I couldn't drive and after a time I unplugged my computer & even destroyed some of the peripherals.
Yidwithlid THREATENED me and told me in an email I that he was going to help my ex-husband take my children away. All for simply telling the truth.... I was destroyed. Target #2 suggested I call his office, and Target #2 gave me the number. In the middle of the night and left him a voicemail calling him a predator. That was harassing & childish, I know. Now I realize he's probably sociopathic and this is what they do.
I wasn't angry, I was out of my mind with guilt and pain about where I had - in my depression and loneliness - allowed this man to take me. (Don't beat yourself up Target #1. He's a predator. Predators hunt the wounded. You were wounded - he knew it - and he took advantage of that and your prior relationship and moved in for the predator-hypnosis to get you to bypass your common sense. Your only mistake was really caring about & trusting him.)
TARGET #1s letter regarding his apology; which we previously posted; to Yidwithlid/GRIDNEY:
From: (deleted) @verizon.net
Date: 2004/03/27 Sat AM 11:55:21 EDT
Thank you for your apology Mr. Dunetz. But, it is time for your reality check.
YOU have been selfish? You think THAT’s the problem?
No, Jeff. You owe me for the hours I have spent with my therapists and the time I spent with Detective (deleted) at the 11Xth Precinct. You are now registered in the local & federal files. There is nowhere to run Jeff. Cut the personal pity party.
You took things I said to you out of deep love, and used them on Target #2 to create the “illusion of intimacy.” Because you aren’t human. You aren’t a real person so you ABSORBED MY PERSONALITY. You took my catch phrases and patterns and either mirrored them to me or to Target #2. Because you are too hollow and soul-less. Yes I am still 'married' on paper and yes, what I did was not right. But you kept reeling me in with guilt. You STOLE Me. No, you savaged ME.
A few weeks ago you said to me (as you had many times & I IGNORED it) “Target #1, I am sick… you don’t know me… I need help …. You don’t know how sick I am.” For once you were right. You took me to an internet porn site where you were role playing. It was disturbing but I ignored it, as abused women do. You have masturbated on camera to me (the camera YOUR WIFE GAVE YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY), sent me pictures of your penis, sent me porn movies and images. None of them did I ask for. You assaulted me. No Jeff, let me call it what my therapist did – RAPE. R A P E. You RAPED me. I am being treated as a RAPE victim.
Your kids? You owe me for the therapy sessions my kids have had and will have about you. Do you remember the phone sex you had with me the night of the Aaron Carter concert? You just WAITING for (your wife) and the kids to be out of the house!!! I didn't talk but YOU SURE DID! And there were times you had cyber or voice sex with me when the KIDS WERE HOME IN THE HOUSE. And I know you did it WHILE YOU WERE AT WORK. You showed depraved indifference to your wife, me, TARGET #2 and worst of all YOUR OWN CHILDREN.
You are a monster. You are not even fit to be called human. Your wife is throwing up? I wish I was there to hold her hand. Me? Well I know you don't care but - I haven’t slept or eaten much in 2 weeks, I vomit to the point my esophagus spasms now without provocation, I have had 2 mild seizures and have tremors, my heart is racing so fast my doctors fear a stroke. I have been to the hospital 3 times. Oh yes, my doctors all know everything too – in case something happens to me. This is what you have done to your old “friend.” The "friend" you told Target #2 “never helped” you.
Your response is still all about you – with next to NO acknowledgment or owning of your behavior. Profoundly sorry? Is that supposed to cover it? Since your words are garbage I think not. I BEGGED you to be a real friend to me, to see me, to have an OPEN relationship with me. Let me meet your friends. You even had lunch with me BLOCKS AWAY from your office – so no one would SEE????? Your eyes darting around the room like I was too awful to be seen with. I begged you for normalcy. BEGGED.
When things came down with my estranged husband, you RAN from me to PROTECT YOUR OWN ASS. (My estranged husband) tried to contact you and you RAN!! You were sooooo worried about your wife finding out. I took beatings IN YOUR NAME, stuck by you out of friendship and once my estranged husband knew and keylogged me the abuse got even worse. Doctors & the police know this also. A real person would have stepped up to the plate and been there for me at least emotionally. We would have worked it out rather than perpetuating the extreme harm you caused me. But no – you were leading a double & triple life. If you call that life. All the times you said you had to go or were off to bed and were still online for hours later. Not just recently but for the last 2 years. What were you doing Yidwithlid? And with who else? Who else has fallen victim? (the police told her later - hookers, phone sex operators and online live porn girls)
Quitting the XXX board was selfish? You got online to tell me “you would be so proud of me – I quit the board today” O God, I told you - you 'needed less stress and to do the right thing.' What ELSE are you going to blame me for? What are you TELLING people about me? All lies too?
I keep reviewing college as well as the last two years to see what CLUES I missed, what I didn’t see, what happened. Where I made the sin of ENABLING you. You have over the last 2 years, driven me to the brink of suicide more than once. You think it was because of my problems with (my estranged husband) that I was so depressed? Think again, if you are capable of thinking of anyone other than yourself.
And how pathetic am I? Was there for you anytime you wanted to just talk. And you wouldn’t return it to me. You dangled it, told me you wanted me to 'feel better', you implied it – even when you were definitely married and HAD NO RIGHT TO. Yes, I am separate and I was dead wrong and 'let' you coerce me. But all to feed your Ego.
No Jeff, this isn’t about hurt and jealousy and sex addiction. I know your wife hates me as you have probably painted a ****ed up picture of me but she deserved to know. Any wife or mother would. And I am sorry beyond belief for hurting her.
The protection of myself and my children is first and foremost and I demand this from you to be able to accomplish this. TRUTH. No more embellishment. Share it with everyone. Your wife, me, Target #2 your clergyman, your therapist. Stop the pity party for poor little Jeff. Go look in the mirror and attempt some empathy for what you are doing and have done to me. The ultimate harm.
Target #1 continues - My precinct referred me to the main Computer Crimes Squad.
I took the IM threat Yidwithlid had sent me and the conversations between Yidwithlid and I that my ex-husband had hacked off our computer for months. I was saving stuff now because Yidwithlid completely raged at me and it scared me. Target #2 kept reminding me to save everything now.
The hate he'd truly had for me all those years had finally come out. I was "all bad" and he was going to punish me. I was terrified for my children.
I was starting to feel that maybe because he couldn't lie anymore he'd do more than smear me - he'd find a way to physically harm me.
I went to Computer Crimes and sat with 2 nice detectives. They punched his online nickname in. I remember one of them glancing at me and telling me to take a look. The screen was turned towards me as they entered a review board of some sort. My heart stopped and I stopped breathing for a minute. I had taken this person at his word because I knew him, and had for years! Was this him? There it was, online for all to see.The sickening truth was right there.....
(Fox News reported that during period of high male unemployment, hits to sites like PornHub.com tripled)
The detectives then went to a few other similar sites and he was on a couple of those too.
It was him, no doubt. Same nickname, same bad spelling and grammar and same sick sarcastic, objectified language.
I am no prude but it was a real slap to see the acronyms and misogynistic terms in which he described these women (who had their prices and what they would do for this money listed also - and it was VERY expensive!).
There were about 14 of these reviews found and it seemed to be a monthly or bi-monthly expense for him. No wonder he was "SOOOO frustrated" while he was unemployed. The girls' pictures were there too. I felt sorry for these pretty women who did this for a living.
And the terms Yidwithlid used, the acronyms, the things they did - the GFE (the police told me that was the "girlfriend experience" - where the whore treats the john like her "boyfriend" for 50 mins!!) It was pathetic!
Everything was a lie. EVERYTHING - anything he said to his family, his clergy, his office, to me, to Target #2 and even to himself - was a lie. All his moral lectures to me, his writing about politics & religion... his holier than thou attitude towards me at the end...
(Yidwithlid/ Yid with lid/ GRIDNEY has since attempted to remove and erase these reviews and say they never existed but archive.org and other archival net services have it all, including his credit card and IP addresses. Also, note in the ad for TER we have above the words "its nice to share" - Sammy Benoit / Yid with lid GRIDNEY used that 'SHARE' phrase in his early chats with Target #1! - Predators usually lie non-stop to the point that it becomes a way of life for them. Scary part is - due to their disorder they come to BELIEVE their lies so much that studies show they pass lie detector tests. So separating the calculated lie from the compulsive lie is almost impossible.)
"I felt faint and was taken by a woman from Victim's Witness to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I promptly threw up again. The police had a victim's advocate come talk to me who asked me for the name of the therapist I saw for the abuse I was getting from my ex-husband. She told me she'd call her because it might be a good idea for me to get medication or go away for a while. She told me I was white as a sheet.
Yes, I had had some cybersex with him - only him - and that was it. I wasn't hiring hookers or looking at porn. It was just him! And if I didn't know him I would never have done it. (She didn't know yet she'd been seduced & brainwashed & mind controlled!!)
Yidwithlid was into more. MUCH more.
The detectives called Target #2 for her address and said they would get everything to her for verification.
"The detectives they were busy printing things out and made me a disc of everything. They thanked me profusely and said they now had good information as part of another ongoing major investigation. But they wouldn't tell me what and frankly, I'd heard enough. They gave me their cards, asked me to sign some things about having my email traced in case Yidwithlid tried to write me again and to monitor my IMs. I asked them to consider not prosecuting him for soliciting hookers because of his wife & kids. I had done enough and I didn't want innocent people hurt.
Yidwithlid had told me he was "sick and needed help." Heck yes he WAS!! Yidwithlid even used the adventures he had with these sex actresses as scenarios for cybersex!!
The terminologies he used for intimacy, the body parts and other sexual acts was really twisted. Yidwithlid talked about these women like they were tissues to be used and tossed away. The same way he'd treated me! Yid with lid only had one bad prostitute experience - about the same time he had told me he was in the hospital for angina, after which he blabbed to me about his marital relations with his wife a couple days later. Another purposely cruel and heartless moment - as well as it NOT BEING MY BUSINESS. (no boundaries and inappropriate for this Target or anyone to hear. In our opinion, typical cyberpath emotional & mental cruelty. They get off on doing this to their victims and purposely hurting them.)
Here Yidwithlid was online BRAGGING about sex with whores, and how much they "liked" him. (they liked his Amex card, probably) It was just off-the-charts.
And he kept on using that SAME OLD 'gridney' NICKNAME. Yidwithlid just couldn't keep him mouth shut OR even think up a different identity to protect his own family. (Typical predator arrogance)
And as far as I was concerned, Yid with Lid found me disposable. He NEVER cared about me one single bit. I filled in time when he didn't have the money for the pros. He only wrote to me because we had sex a couple times in college and his online ADs for casual sex didn't pan out and he couldn't afford hookers at that time. He could have cared less about the abortion I even had for him. I wasn't really ever in his picture. I was just on his computer - when HE felt like it.
More from Target #1: "The men on these sites were incredible! Victims Advocacy called it 'paid gang rape.' You pay for a high-price hooker, do all sorts of nasty things with them... O.K. - but then you get on a board to TELL OTHER MEN WHAT YOU DID and RATE EACH GIRL'S PERFORMANCE. I wondered if he had been checked for ORAL STDS too. Or germs carried for months on the skin?
I also got very scared for his wife. Figuring he'd already dragged my name through the mud to her and blamed me for everything - I couldn't very well just call her up.
Yidwithlid had called my first letter to her "prose." He probably did a wonderful tap-dance of what a liar I was. His wife would never want to speak to me after my involvement as well. Yidwithlid would make very sure of that.
To the sex-addict/cyberpath - any person is good to go... a blow up doll with a pulse, or words on their computers. That's all. - EOPC)
"Target #2 sent the police a homemade porn video Yidwithlid had emailed her that she swore she never asked for! Target #2 told me she'd sent it to the FBI as well because it was so distrubing. (but they did nothing)
The detectives called me a few days later after did a little more searching and turned up phone sex hits, online porn webcam sex, sex-partner-wanted ads (in which he said he wanted "ANYONE FOR ANYTHING") with his ISPs, nickname, etc. all confirmed by the police forensics.
Law enforcement also found something about an e-site he was possibly connected to where men learn how to seduce women. It was called "The Secrets of Sexual Addiction." Yidwithlid had tried to mask his real name a couple times on these sites but he used his credit card. And many of these from years BEFORE he got in touch with me.
It was surreal. But I knew this person.... I thought! We'd had so many great chats about so many things, not just sex. I was NOTHING to him. NOTHING. I was a THING to be used and walked away from - just like the hookers!
This wasn't even about me & him and some cybersex chats . It was a much bigger and uglier problem and one I wasn't involved with. For me it was just chatting with him. I liked talking to him a lot more than the cybersex but it seemed he wouldn't talk to me without the latter. For Yidwithlid it was a full blown addiction. Yid with lid had reassured me many times it wasn't all about sex... but for him it was.
That fact I'd had real feelings for him all those years - just helped along his toying with me.
The things I had done ... the abuse I took from my ex-husband because of HIM.... the abuse of my kids because of my sticking up for Yid with lid .... the times I tried to end it and then got reeled back in. All the times I begged him to take his wife & he to marriage counseling and to work on his marriage. I felt sick. I meant absolutely nothing to him - not even as a friend.
Why had he done this me? Why?
"The police had sent everything to Target #2 - but she was FURIOUS. She thanked me for "saving her" from him. She said it made that silly "apology" of his even more of a lie. Yidwithlid must have thought he still had his sex-hobby in his pocket as a back up once he'd dumped me.
"As long as he could shut up myself and Target #2 and tell his version to "protect his wife" - he was ok. The more the truth came out and he couldn't tell a selective story - the more irate he got. That "apology" was yet another smokescreen as was his smear campaign against me. (and a classic online predator move!)
"Though I knew I was the last person she wanted to hear from I felt his wife deserved to know what he was bringing into her home and their bed. Along with my genuine & profuse apology. As far as I was concerned I was wrong and she could spit on me, slap me or talk to me or all three. I gave her my phone number and told her when she felt ready to call me. (so far she never has and I am not surprised, nor did I really expect her too) Yidwithlid even told me in his IM threat he told his wife I was a liar. (of course not! these cyberpaths all think their mere words can recreate reality. The wife probably swallowed the whole story and he probably blamed his targets or said they "set him up." - Fighter)
"Additionally, Yid with lid had been telling me, Target #2 and my friend that his wife was "sexually disappointing." Well, of course she was next to a paid-sex-actress!!. His wife was a mother & was working a job too and this jerk was spending his evenings online with women or porn or both; and his lunch hours at the high-end whorehouse using women like meat. That's what he REALLY thought of women. Everything with me had been a sick set up! He ruined my relationship and plunged me into PTSD over a set up!
I decided to send him an email with everything on it. I wish I could have been a FLY ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN when he opened that email!! I told him the police already had it. Then I cried, unplugged my computer and didn't stop crying or vomitting for days.
"Weeks later I got a distrubing letter from Dunetz's county Police Department telling me to call them as I was needed for questioning.
"I called and a detective finally called me back. Seems Yidwithlid and his wife had taken out a cease & desist order on myself and Target #2 and supposedly I had violated it. I never never received any order and knew nothing about it so how could I have violated it?? (Police were unable to produce any PROOF OF SERVICE for such a cease & desist)
"Besides I had cut off all contact and Computer Crimes was getting a me temporary protective order on him.
Appeared that Yidwithlid had taken selective things into his police and told them I was not only lying and making things up but harassing and stalking Yidwithli. I was too sick to get out of bed 1/2 the time now from lack of sleep and trauma. How could I do that?
This detective must have been a friend of theirs because he was very nasty to me and kept mumbling. The detective wouldn't come to see me for questioning but wanted me to drive the full hour there - which was not possible, in part due to my disability and how sick this had made me. I found out later everything I sent them somehow "got lost." Now I think this friend of he & his wife harassed me "as a favor" to them.
Detective D'Axxx was shocked to learn I was disabled. I could only imagine how Yidwithlid had described me. He called my doctor and she confirmed I'd been very sick, in the hospital and I was too crippled to be driving to Yidwithlids home in the middle of the night; as he alleged I was doing! The Detective must have gotten quite a shock. (seems Yid and his wife convinced the Detective Target #1 was just a jealous obsessed woman - when she was ANYTHING BUT!)
I got in touch with the Sargeant in charge and sent him everything: Yidwithlid's hooker reviews, Yidwithlid's threat and the names of the NYPD detectives I had talked to. Target #2 called the Sargent too and told him it was her.
I had been too sick and in and out of hospital. I didn't want to go back. This traumatized me all over again.
A verified copy of the cover letter sent to the Det. (D'A(deleted)) along with all findings and data from the Computer Crimes detectives - Sent by Target #1 to stop the harassment & cyberstalking of her:
May 29, 2004
County of XXX Police Department
RE: Complaint # 04-261540
I am in receipt of the form letter regarding the above referenced file. I called your office on Friday, May 28, 2004 and left a message for you. The officer I spoke with informed me that there is a letter from an attorney’s office telling me to stop contacting Mr. & Mrs. Dunetz.
I never received any such letter and as a former paralegal, find it odd any attorney would actually send one without a proof-of-service. Nor have I contacted either party for over 2 months. I would like to see proof-of-service.
The last time I verbally spoke to Mr. Dunetzwas on March 17, 2004 when called me after I had learned that he, my dear friend of many years, had engaged in immoral and predatory behavior as well as abusing my good nature and causing considerable psychological harm to my family. Yes, I was very very wrong in participating but I did not return his sick behavior towards me in kind. I told him any information that was found about his activities would be passed along to his wife, which is what I did. I also urged him to get psychiatric help.
On Friday, March 19, 2004 Mr. Dunetz instant messaged me on MSN with the attached unedited threat. I panicked about his frame of mind and threats and on Saturday, March 20, 2004 I visited Detective XX at the XXX 11Xth Precinct to try to get a TRO. Mr. Dunetz was placed onto their database. (the attachments will give you a time frame and more information)
Sunday, March 21, 2004 Mr. Dunetz sent an email attempting to apologize for his behavior, both to Target #2and myself. He unfortunately misspelled my name in a rude manner (i.e. XXXX instead of XXX), which triggered me even more. That week I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have been to a doctor and hospitals (name of hospitals) a number of times for chest pain, insomnia, tremors, bloody vomit, loss of appetite, esophagel burning and dehydration.
I am taking sedatives as needed under doctors orders to deal with what I have been told is severe trauma & emotional rape done toe me by Mr. Dunetz so there is no way I could drive to talk to you. I am simply not well enough. I have also been seeing a psychologist regularly since this information came to light in mid-March.
It so happened that the XX State Attorney General’s office is doing a sweep of brothels in Manhattan that advertise online. Mr. Dunetz regularly visited two of them as you can see in these hard copies of his "reviews" from TheEroticReview.com and UtopiaGuide.com.
XXXX Computer Crimes has told me that even if he tries to remove this evidence and cover up or deny it ever existed, that, should it come to court, the cache files from these sites would have his ISP and source codes and the website could be asked for his credit card information.
The two brothels, XXX’s and XXXXX’s, could be questioned also as part of this ongoing investigation by the XXX Department of Investigation.
Three of these hooker-review posts were made BEFORE Mr. Dunetz looked me up online at Classmates.com, one was just one month after! And this is the tip of the iceberg.
(We had a link to these posts on utopiaguide.com but NYPD finally confirmed for us recently that they were removed by activity positively identified as coming from gridney/ YidwithLid's IP - EOPC)
I understand Target #2 has sent you a copy of a video that Mr. Dunetz emailed her a couple months ago. Target #2 did not ASK for this video and it upset her greatly. While there is no face in the video, it was probably made in an area of the Dunetz home. A copy of it has been sent to the XXX and the FBI. I am also enclosing a copy of one of the suggestive emails Mr. Dunetz sent me last year. I have since blocked all his email from reaching me, closed down most of my email accounts, dismantled online chats and had myself removed from any online school reunion sites (which is where Mr. Dunetz initially found me in April 2002). However he does know my address and phone numbers and seems to stop at nothing, including using legal and law enforcement resources (and his wife’s trust) to manipulate a cover-up of his actions.
As someone on permanent disability and the primary caretaker for two children, this man’s remorseless actions are very threatening to me. (and this predator didn't end there!! Click Here for what he did as recently as 2008)
As far as contacting Target #2 – a review of Mr. Dunetz's cell phone records (a cell phone paid for by his employer apparently) would show numerous calls placed to her by Mr. Dunetz between January and March, 2004. He should be asked for that number. Target #2 would be more than happy to speak with you.
I do not appreciate this malicious retaliation, frivolous legal action and an obvious attempt to “turn the tables” and portray me as a “woman scorned” on Mr. Dunetz's part. This new development has harmed my physical health and I have been diagnosed with PTSD, yet again.
If this is passed on to them or their attorney I only hope that Mr. Dunetz gets help for this possibly mentally ill behavior and his wife gets all the legal and emotional support she needs to deal with the actions of this man. As well as passing on to his wife that I am deeply, deeply sorry.
I hope this information completes your file. Please contact XXX at the numbers provided for any further information as I have turned everything over to them weeks ago.
XXX Computer Crimes
(see attached copy of letter)
11Xth Precinct, XXX
XXXX, XX State Attorney General’s Office
Who referred the brothel information to:
Detective XXX, XX Computer Crimes
(investigating the brothels for XX State Attorney General)
XXX Department of Investigation
(investigating the brothels and online review sites where Mr. Dunetz was posting)
May 29, 2004
Target #1: I did openly admit my guilt and stupidity. For the sake of my family and Dunetz' I got past my embarrassment and made sure I had hard evidence to back up what I was saying. It was the only way that everyone finally left me alone. I'd already cut off contact. I guess Jeff had forgotten a few important details! (this is also a classic -- the SMEAR CAMPAIGN abusers run when they are caught and/ or held accountable. This smearing is a predictable as the sunrise. As with Hicks, Dorsky, Beckstead, Thomas, Jacoby... 'its the Target's fault, the predators are innocent victims, they 'did nothing wrong', 'its all a lie' or 'here's MY true version of the story' (selective truth of course) EOPC is posting Dunetz' rewrite of history below... )
"I have NEVER done online dating and NEVER hung out in chat rooms or social networking --ever.
Yid with lid was probably the only person from my life who could have gotten me to do what he did. He played on my long-standing fondness for him and worked me into an trauma-bonded mess so I was unable to stop myself. And I am sure his ego would have loved hearing that.
"I wasn't online looking for love, sex or anything. And I let my loneliness & vulnerability get the better of me. It was a long time before I went back online at all. A VERY long time. (It wasn't YOUR FAULT - he used seductive NLP & mind control on you!)
"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being abused by a narcissistic parent, friends and subsequently almost every man I'd gotten involved with. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person, bare your soul and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse and go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction behind them. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief. I still have love in my heart for him, that will never stop. The police and the D.A.'s office called a few times after for verification of information. I just added I wanted Yidwithlid to get help and his kids not be traumatized because of him.
I felt dirty and I apologized over & over to anyone that I'd hurt during this. I was wrong, I have never denied that. After distancing himself from me forever, I hear he now tells stories, all of which are factually twisted with the spin and leaving out certain facts to make HIM look the victim. It's nothing less than soul murder."
Narcissists almost make a career out of being victims. Ask any narcissist to tell you his story and you are bound to hear about the evil ex-wife, the ungrateful children, the idiotic and exploitative bosses, the crooked partner and every person who has been out to get them throughout their lives - which just about includes everyone they have ever encountered. Get involved with them and you will be the next addition to the list.
They go to great lengths to understand the human species and win favour with the bulk of it, so they actually know about things like love and caring and kindness. They simply have no clue what it means, which doesn't really matter anyway. All that counts to them is the results they can get if they know how to effectively use these things.
They know that, "I love you" turns on your wishful thinking, forgiving nature or your guilt and gets them back in the door. The know that "I'm sorry" gets them forgiven and gives them license to do it all again. They know that "I'll change" buys them time to work on you some more. They know that their numerous excuses take the focus off them and get them off the hook.
When we simply accept these things and even protect abusers from the consequences of their actions, we are not only giving them permission to continue, but to escalate to even greater levels of abusive power and control.
If an abuser is going to change, it will be because he is forced to. For as long as he can keep getting away with his behaviours and keep you coming back for more, there will be no incentive to change.
For as long as he can make you feel sorry for him, he has you where he wants you.
"I was informed Yid with lid has surfed for me and my nicknames online numerous times, he tries to cloak his ISP and location - but law enforcement knew it was him. Site owners where I post tell me too. He came to my personal blog for a while a couple months after I started to be physically better until I put up a page telling him to "stop or just talk to me." This not-so-secretive stalking of his was making it harder for me to move forward.
I've been told he tells people I am physically stalking him; which is physically impossible for me to do. I still reel from it all.... the big malicious horrible lie. From someone I knew! Why? Why?"
Acquaintance rape is using physical force, emotional bargaining, blackmail or mind games to force sexual intercourse, fondling, kissing, holding ... any sexual contact forced on you by a stranger or someone you know.
Dunetz' 2007 version of what happened, with his Target's comments:
http://yidwithlid.blogspot.com/2007/03/story-of-gridney.html - THIS LINK NO LONGER WORKS
WHY WAS IT REMOVED? COVER UP? DENIAL? REMORSE? ADMISSION ?ONE CAN ONLY GUESS. (ODDLY ENOUGH -- SAME WAY THE ESCORT REVIEWS WERE 'REMOVED' - CLICK GONE! ) EXTRAPOLATING THE REASON IS IMPOSSIBLE SO JUST KNOW THAT IT'S GONE. BUT NOTHING EVER REALLY DISAPPEARS ON THE INTERNET.
Please, bear with me as I tell you a true (according to HIM) story. My Name is not Sammy I don't live in Tennessee. I used to write under my own name but a few years ago I had a falling out with a "friend" whom I knew from college. It’s the old story she was in an unhappy marriage and mine was going through a rough spot (this is a not an excuse, what we did was wrong (*forgets to mention that he looked me up in 2002, but NYPD TOLD ME HE was seeing prostitutes since 2000 and using phone sex operators & had an extensive internet porn library since at least 1999.). One thing lead to another and we began to have an inappropriate cyber relationship. IT WAS WRONG. I was Wrong and as a married woman she was just as wrong as me even though if you read her posts I am the only guilty one. (I have never not taken full blame and how DARE he moralize!! I never saw hookers or did online porn or lied to people telling them I "had feelings" for them and my "wife is cold & unfeeling" when I was just playing a sick sick game!! Also, I was separating/ separated at the time. His California target was not) Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else. What I didn't know was that the two were also online friends. So on the Ides of March three years ago, the two of them figured out what was going on.After the falling out the person went absolutely nuts "hell hath no fury" as they say. She found out where I lived, had child protection services visit my house (nope. I didn't send them) to interview my kids (the complaint was ruled unfounded of course) She had saved all off our cyber conversations printed them out and sent them to my wife (whom I had already told), My Rabbi, and even sent it to my boss. She even sent it to my 80-year-old parents…two days later my mom’s heart problems got worse and she landed in the hospital. What my mom ever did to her I will never know. (WHAT? what are you even talking about? I SAVED?? He knows my estranged-husband hacked it all and lawyers have it all now. His California target saved what she had and we sent things to his wife, because it was the right thing to doo... don't even know where his parents LIVE!)
She created and maintains a pornography site that she attached to attached my old site and now to this one. She vicious emails to sites that carried my writing such as AISH, Jewsweek and JWR. (More lies... complete fabrications with no evidence either target did any such thing)
Let me say this again. What I did was wrong! I also have learned what she did was wrong too although I suppose that she will never under stand that. I can take the harassing emails etc, but she goes after my family and friends. Once I came home from Shul on Shabbos and there was a scandalous letter in my mailbox and that of my neighbors. It was put there by one of her friends who live in my area. (what? hell no. And how did you come to this conclusion other than your imagination?) After that my wife, who is the real victim in this whole thing, was afraid to talk to our neighbors for a good couple of months. For over a year she would send emails and packages to my wife, telling her what a sap she is for staying with me, sending more porno etc. (what? emphatically no.) I love my wife very much and I will go to my grave being sorry for what I did to her. But my wife did nothing to this person, there was NO reason for her to spend two years tormenting my wife, NONE! (so why is Dunetz still smearing and attacking his targets? - EOPC)
Large amounts of money spent on lawyers and computer consultants writing letters to the web hosts of these porno sites, and even a police warrant basically left me with the fact that there was nothing much that I could do. I could sue (and if you read the lawyer’s comment from the article about Orthomom I put up yesterday, I could probably win. But the only good thing that could come out of that is that would do is take the down the sites. The bad things would be worse, making my wife go through it all again.) (then please take us to court! don't just lie about hiring lawyers & computer consultants you never did... let's go... so I can get all the VERIFIED EVIDENCE ENTERED INTO THE STATE RECORD - of what you really are!)
I changed my Internet name because, every time I would comment on a site, or a site would pick up one of my stories one of this person's minions would a comment defaming my name and telling people to go to that website http://www.pornspaces.com/gridney/, Some of what that site says about me IS true, most of it isn’t. Also it omits one very important point, what you learn in dance school, it took two to tango. So I changed my Internet name and location. I became Sammy Benoit, Yidwithlid, from Nashville. It was still me but I was trying to shield my wife from more torture. (still lying to her)
As for me, I have spent the last three years trying to ensure that I never again hurt my family and disappoint my friends. I have been in counseling alone and with my beloved wife. We have learned to talk to each other and have grown closer than ever before. She has forgiven but will never forget and I don’t blame her.
I have become more observant and spend more of my day in Torah study trying to learn the right way to live my life. I even got a laptop that sits on the kitchen table so my wife can open up and look anytime she wants. I have worked hard at trying to rebuild the trust of my family and friends; I know I can never fully regain it.
Why am I burdening you with this? Because about two weeks ago she tracked me down, my site meter began to that she along with her friends have linked their pseudo porno site to my blog, along with posting new crap on bulletin boards. They send me harassing emails through anomysers. But they are acting like terrorists. If they truly believed in what they were doing they would have no fear of Identifying themselves. I even got an anonymous email from one of her friends begging me to contact her. It won’t happen. I wont talk to her, or any of her friends. (gosh, what happened to the promises in that apology you sent? The promises to be in touch again are as phony as the apology.) First of all it would severely hurt my beloved wife, I will not do that again. Almost as important is that I have been able to grow, change and become a much better person, I do not need to talk to people that continue to find ways to hurt me and my family. I have moved on, and have tried to grow...they should too.
To be honest, I wanted to shut down again but my buddy XXXXX talked me out of it. Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her. I refuse that solution also, Loshen Hora is not right when she does it and it wouldn’t be right if I did it. I will not even out her by name in this post. (but he did post porn sites about us which are on file with the police & FBI - and... click here)
Our little blog community is very small; the little harassment game that she and her minions (minions? Dunetz playing martyr again) have been playing is building again. I am sure that you will begin to see more posts from her about me, posts springing up that say I am a horrible creep--I was, although not anywhere near as bad as they claim. I am sorry to have to bring this up to you, but as my readers I thought you should know. I promise that after this it will be back to regular content I am not going to run this time. (he removed it and attacked his targets then ran like the bully he is, repeatedly)
Over the last three years I have learned how powerful the love of family and friends is. I came very close to losing them. I will not destroy their trust ever again. (but destroying normal, innocent people is ok?)
The most powerful thing I learned was something that I had forgotten the fact that I married a wonderful woman with such a warm heart. Every morning when I go to minyan I thank G-d that I was allowed to realize what I had while I still had it. My change and development over the passed three years is due to her, and the love we have for each other. She was very hurt during the first few months, but she has taken on my quest to become a better person OUR quest. I couldn't have done it myself and through it sound like a corny line, she DOES complete me. If I spend the rest of my life running to do her every whim, I could not even approach being as good to her as she has been to me.
I used to be an actor; I once had a director that had an interesting tradition. Before the opening curtain he would go up to each one of us, fake spitting in our faces and give us a kick in the butt. His reason was, once we have been spit on and kicked in the butt there is nothing bad that can happen to you.
As many of you know, my wife was in the hospital for most of the month of January, it looks like she may need additional and much more serious surgery right after Passover. By writing this, spitting in my own face and kicking myself in the ass (something I have been doing for three years anyway) I pray that my drama teacher was right, nothing bad can happen to me or my family. (but your victims both spent time in the hospital and have been forever changed but you could care less because you're covering your a**, Dunetz)
Thank you all for listening. (and if you believe that there's a bridge in Brooklyn for sale)
More from Dunetz, removed from his site.
Below is the comment that they drafted and submitted to my site. It is interesting that my former friend wrote the anonymous comment as it was someone else talking about HER when ..it WAS her. Based on her desire to stick it to me I am sure you will see more of this on the net. (nope, not us - a friend probably but not either of us)
It’s good you are confessing half of your fault in this whole story. However things are not and they will never be, so black and white. There’s always a grey area. What I mean with this, is that you know you are blaming someone for a lot of things she didn't do and wasn't even aware of.
Truth is by that time, you weren’t respecting your wife. You used to frequent a brothel and writing public reviews about the hookers who turned you on. During the period you were corresponding with that woman, you confessed a lot of things about your wife you didn’t like. Strange way to express your love about her, the “beloved one”. You contacted her with the simple purpose of taking her for a ride, taking full advantage of a past story you had together. You contacted her and profiled her knowing her state of mind was not good and that she still had a lot of affection for you. Are you fairly sure she does KNOW this new identity because she still feels a lot of shame & guilt and would NEVER NEVER harrass your family or you.
See, on how things are not so black and white? As if it wasn’t enough, while corresponding with her, you “fell in love” with another woman in the other side of the country, with whom you were willing to have sex encounters, etc, etc, etc…
You can tell the story the way you want and paint the picture the way it fits you better. However, you know very well this not accurate. This is just some strategy you’re using.
I know you will delete this comment but if you are going to come clean - tell BOTH sides of the story - the whole story.
Yid With Lid said...
Ok XXXXX Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually.
As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick?
I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments.
When you decide that the health of your XXX are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react.
THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG
(Don't think hospitalization for trauma and PTSD qualifies as 'bruised ego')
Did you catch this readers:
Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone elseHow cold, calculated, disgusting, heartless and misogynistic Dunetz is... classic cyberpath and predator.
INTERNET ESCORT'S HANDBOOK