The Four Psychological Stages Of Those Abused by Cyberpaths

Stage One ~ DENIAL
The victim refuses to admit even to herself, that she has been 'had' or that there is a problem in her online relationship/friendship. She may call each incident an accident. She offers excuses & rationalizations and each time she is played or insulted firmly believes it will never happen again.

Stage Two ~ GUILT
Victim now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She deserves to be used and lied to, she feels because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her predators's expectations.

Stage Three ~ ENLIGHTENMENT
The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her cyberpaths's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one deserves to be treated badly, used, played or lied to. She is still committed to her online relationship though and stays with her cyberpath hoping they can work things out. During this period she often questions the predator and hopes for "straight answers" because things are starting to not jive or make sense.


Stage Four ~ RESPONSIBILITY
Accepting the fact that her cyberpath will not, or can not, stop his predatory & manipulative behavior, the victim decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

Often involves "telling" and no more secret keeping - by which she can achieve validation that she is not alone or stupid.

original article here

E-Stalkers On the Prowl

by Rizanuzzaman Laskar

While conventional stalking has received much attention lately, harassment through mobile phones and the internet has grown to be a silent epidemic in the last few years.

The Daily Star has recently interviewed 30 women at random about the issue, and found every one of them has been harassed electronically by ex-boyfriends or strangers.

"It is sexual harassment of the new millennium," said Sultana Kamal, rights activist and former adviser to the caretaker government. “And almost all the victims are women."

Kamal said the anonymity of the electronic communication devices makes it more likely for a person to indulge in stalking. “Some people are turning to these tools to do and say things they otherwise would not do.

The women interviewed were middle and upper class professionals, students and a housewife.

One was a schoolgirl who spent sleepless nights because of crank calls; another was an industrialist's daughter who stumbled across obscene pictures and her personal details on a Facebook profile someone else had opened in her name.

Naima Hossain, a college student, was taunted and teased over the phone for a week by a person she had never met. The stalker, who asked her out several times, threatened to throw acid on her face for refusal.

"That they [stalkers] do not have a face makes it even more traumatic for the victims," said Shamim F Karim, a psychology professor at Dhaka University.

Getting stalked by someone the victim knows can be no less unnerving.

Shamrin Afia Adiba, a BBA student, knew her stalker. For three years, she got taunting phone calls almost every hour.

About the nightmare she had gone through, she said it felt like her life was being slowly poisoned.

The stalker, a jilted male friend working at a telecom operator, used her cellphone number to track her location in real time. He let her know he was watching her, and threatened several times to kidnap her.

Switching to a different operator did not help, as he managed to trace Shamrin's new number through a friend working there.

While no statistics are available to confirm the number of electronic stalking victims, social experts point out that almost every woman using a mobile phone or the internet has suffered abuse at one time or another.

From January to July this year, 44 women reported harassment to the cyber crime prevention cell of the police's detective branch. In response, the police have blocked 46 SIM cards.

The law enforcers however admit that blocking SIM is not enough, as most people own multiple numbers, and a new subscription is only some cash away.

They said the existing laws appear toothless when it comes to fighting e-stalking, as some of them are more than a hundred years old.

Mustafizur Rahman, officer-in-charge of the New Market Police Station, said, "The laws require us to know the stalker's identity to take action against him. This is a major problem since in many cases the perpetrator remains unidentified."

Supreme Court lawyer Nina Goswami, director (mediation) at Ain O Salish Kendra, the rights group which has received two cyber-stalking cases this year, stresses the need for a law against cyber crimes.

"It is difficult to take action against the stalkers as there is no specific law,'' said the lawyer, herself a victim of mobile phone harassment.

A proposed act to curb cellphone-related crimes and harassment promises some respite. The draft law defines stalking, both physical and digital, as sexual harassment, and prescribes punishment.

Experts, however, fear the new law may prove ineffective, as most of the stalking incidents tend to go unreported.

Arifa Hossain says she perhaps knows why victims are reluctant to complain to the police. She went to the local police station to report abusive phone calls but thought better of it.

"You won't expect much from the cops once you see how they fumble with the mouse and eye the computer as if it's an alien thing."

A police representative admitted there is a lack of tech-savvy officers needed to hunt down high-tech criminals. He said this is a reason why the detective branch's cyber crime cell, set up in 2008, exists in name only.

Exceptional cases, however, receive special attention from the police. When a youth posted offensive materials on Facebook to taunt politicians in May, he was arrested within days and the whole social networking website was banned for a week.

"Banning an entire website is out of the question. But there should be some sort of a law or policy to safeguard our young women," said Dr Muhammad Zafar Iqbal, a professor at Shahjalal University of Science and Technology.

Experts believe fear of social stigma is another reason why victims are loath to file complaints with the police.

"Forget police, women do not tell anyone about being harassed for fear of being stigmatised," said Shamim F Karim, psychology teacher at DU. "Women, especially those in the city, have become somewhat accustomed to harassment in everyday life."

She suggested that anyone experiencing harassment over the phone or the internet should inform her family members immediately. "The family members can go to the police if necessary."

She noted that some young women, who are actually unaware that they are being subjected to a form of sexual harassment, try to laugh off the matter.

Some do not.

Trisa Gloria Rodriguez, for one, has been receiving irritating phone calls for some time. The stalker calls from different numbers and makes loud smooching noises.

She tried to reason with him, but it did not work. Yelling did not bring result either.

"Disgusting. I feel like kicking him,” says an irate Trisa

original article here

PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED

(an article everyone who goes online should read; whether you are an abuse survivor - or just vulnerable! - EOPC)
An abuse survivor e-mailed me saying how she seemed to attract men who want to exploit her. On the other hand, good people seemed to run from her. Tragically, this is the common experience of abuse survivors, whether they be men or women. I had often puzzled as to why this is. The woman sent me a couple of photos of herself and suddenly I understood. No, she was not dressed to seduce.

The reply I sent her was a little gentler than the following, but here is the essence of what I said:

Your photos, though nice, give the impression that you are sad, shy, lacking in confidence and aching for love. An evil man (cyberpath/predator) might look at those photos and think to himself, “I bet her self-esteem is so low that she thinks no decent guy would want her. Her need for love and for a boost in self-esteem seem so great that if I let her think that I could meet these needs, she would be so scared of losing me that she would give me anything I want, no matter how perverted. (sounds EXACTLY like Yidwithlid, Beckstead,Capers and Jacoby)
If I initially treat her tenderly and kindly and flatter her, I’ll have a good chance of turning her into little more than my slave. Then I could treat her however I wish.” (read our past Predator exposes: Hicks, GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid, Jacoby, & Beckstead in particular!)

If, on the other hand, a man saw you as happy, confident and relatively content, he’d assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. He’d assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some women to compromise their morals to get the love they crave.

Anyone with evil intentions would be likely to back off and look for someone who seems more vulnerable.

Not only could this be a factor in men with evil intent being attracted to you, it could cause good men (or good women who are lesbians) to feel tempted to try to get their way with you. Because they are honorable, they are likely to run from you, fearing that if they stayed close to you they might yield to that temptation.

Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure they really are, people with low self-esteem and who crave love give the impression that they are vulnerable to exploitation and/or seduction. Upon finding such a person, immoral people feel emboldened to test their suspicion that they have found someone they could seduce.

People lacking in self-esteem are likely to mistakenly believe that sex – not their personality – is their only way of winning the love they desperately need.

They fall for the horrible lie that their only chance of receiving even an illusion of the love they crave is to yield to sexual advances.

This makes them highly vulnerable. So intense is the pressure, that they need far superior self-control than what other people need in order to remain sexually pure. Moreover, abuse survivors are strongly tempted to accept the lie that because they have been mistreated before, they have little purity left to protect.

As if these strong pressures were not enough, abuse survivors find resisting an evil man much harder than other people find it because they have suffered the past horror of having done everything possible to resist and yet still being overpowered. Having suffered situations in which resistance was impossible causes them to lose hope that they could ever successfully prevent anyone from exploiting them. They become convinced that any attempt to resist would be a futile waste of effort.

Sexual & Emotional predators know this, so they are on the look out for emotional/ verbal/ mental/ or sexual abuse survivors!

A tragically large number of abuse survivors have mistakenly thought that perhaps they have low morals or are evil or that God is against them, since that they seem to attract sexual predators. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that, theoretically, there should be no need to deny it.

Sadly, it needs to be spelt out because sexual offenders are skilled at cruelly manipulating tender consciences, causing their victims to have a mistaken view of themselves.

The truth is that abuse survivors tend to attract repeat offenses simply because they are hurting, and sexual predators, like beasts of prey, think the wounded might be an easier target.


Knowing why the wrong sort of people might try to exploit you can be a relief. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the simple fact that you are hurting. I am sure what you really want to know, however, is how to prevent this attention. It’s easy to say that self-esteem, confidence and feeling loved is the answer, but the difficulty is knowing how to grow in these things.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

THE AFTERMATH: PTSD

The Aftermath of Trauma:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Far too many of the victims we speak to start out saying "I'm strong, I can handle it." We don't buy it. We get emails months later saying the victim(s) can't eat, sleep or are obsessed with what happened. We recommend all our victims get help from someone who understands this sort of trauma.

(VERY VERY few doctors or counselors "get it" about pathological relationships... even if they say they do.  But counseling is needed for PTSD and PSAS)

Most of us build our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Granted, normal daily life involves many stressors, especially in these hectic times, but we expect these pressures to happen and we become accustomed to handling them. The more flexible we are and the more we know ourselves and are in touch with our abilities, the easier it is to deal with normal everyday stress.Sometimes, however, any of us could be subjected to catastrophic stress. Our feeling of safety in these circumstances can vanish. We could experience terror and a complete inability to know how to handle these situations that are outside of the ordinary realm of experience. These catastrophic events can include physical or sexual abuse, physical attack, mugging, car-jacking, being used, "taken" or emotionally raped or the sudden death of a loved one. It is not only the victims of these events, but also witnesses, families of victims, and helping professionals who can develop severe stress symptoms which can last for months or even years after the event
 .

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the term used to characterize people who have endured highly stressful and frightening experiences and who are undergoing distress caused by memories of that event. It is as if the person just cannot let go of the experience. The event comes back to haunt them. The anxiety experienced during or immediately after a catastrophic event is called traumatic stress. When the symptoms last several months after the event, it is called post-traumatic stress. PTSD can last for years after the original trauma and may not become evident initially. For example, an individual may witness a murder as a child, but not experience the associated stress until mid-life.

Some people are more likely to develop PTSD than others. Experts are not sure why some people develop PTSD after a relatively minor trauma while others exposed to great trauma do not. Trauma of great severity is more likely to produce PTSD than lesser traumas. For example, it was found with Vietnam War veterans that prolonged combat with sniping and air bombardment produced PTSD more often than brief exposure to combat with few weapons. It has also been found that traumas between people (such as sexual assault and muggings) are more likely to produce PTSD than natural disasters like earthquakes or floods.Symptoms of PTSDPeople can be considered to have PTSD when they have been exposed to an extreme trauma, the symptoms last at least a month in duration, and the symptoms cause excessive distress so that social functioning and job performance are impaired. One sign of PTSD is that the traumatic event is relived repeatedly in the person s mind and this appears in the form of flashbacks, recurrent images, thoughts or dreams about the events, panic attacks...and even nightmares.

Reminders of the event can cause distress so many people go out of their way to avoid places and events that remind them of the catastrophic occurrence. Many people experience anxiety, restlessness, concentration difficulties, decreased memory, irritability, sleeplessness, hypervigilance, or an exaggerated startle response.

Some people even experience what is called survivors guilt because they survived and others did not or because of certain things they may have had to do in order to survive. (Or feel guilty they were "so stupid" and didn't see the red cyberpathy flags)
There are three main clusters of PTSD symptoms, and all three of these groupings must be present for a diagnosis of PTSD.

Intrusive Symptoms: Intrusive and repetitive memories which stir up negative feelings experienced during the trauma can overwhelm a person. These memories can appear in the form of:

* flashbacks (a feeling of reliving the trauma)
* frequent, distressing memories of the trauma

* nightmares

* emotional and physical distress when traumatic memories are triggered.

Arousal Symptoms: PTSD sufferers experience physiological reactions, which indicate that they don t feel safe and they are physically on the alert to deal with danger. These can include:* being easily startled or feeling jumpy
* hypervigilance (feeling on guard even when the situation is safe)
* concentration difficulties

* sexual numbness or hyperarousal
* outbursts of anger and irritability
* problems in falling asleep or staying asleep.

Avoidance Symptoms: People suffering from PTSD go out of their way to escape the overpowering memories and arousal symptoms. This pattern of behavior can include:
* avoiding places, people or (online) situations that serve as reminders of the trauma
* avoiding thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma
* memory loss about some aspects of the traumatic event
* feeling emotionally numb
* feeling estranged or detached from other people
* feelings of hopelessness and helplessness about the future
* decreased interest in pleasurable activities.There are other emotional and physical problems that may accompany PTSD. Unfortunately, some people seek relief from these symptoms without dealing with the root cause so that the symptoms persist. (this can include: having drinks to 'relax,' chain smoking, pacing, obsessive or repetitive behaviors, etc) These problems may precede PTSD, in which case they become exacerbated, or they might develop after the onset of PTSD.

The emotional problems include panic disorder, agoraphobia (fear of being out in public), social anxiety (speaking in public), depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, sleep disorders, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse (drugs such as sleeping pills or relaxants or alcohol abuse).

The physical problems can include skin problems, pain, gastrointestinal disorders, fatigue, respiratory problems, low back pain, muscle cramps, headaches, adrenal fatigue, cortisol insufficiency and cardiovascular problems. Some go on to develop autoimmune illnesses such as CFIDS, chronic myofascial pain, fibromyalgia, lupus, M.S. and so on.  Medical research studies have backed this up.  The constant flooding of your system with adrenaline and cortisol cause breakdowns in the immune system.

 It is important to remember that PTSD is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. There is no shame in experiencing these symptoms, nor is having these symptoms a sign of weakness. Help is available from trained professionals so that in most cases, with the appropriate effort and courage, the symptoms can disappear completely, or at least substantially decrease and become more manageable.

Getting Help for PTSD
We live in a world of relative safety most of the time but it is a world in which people often lack support for dealing with calamities. In these times we may not have the extended families, long-term friendships, sense of neighborhood, feeling of community or the support from religion that have historically helped people endure times of crisis. We usually get along without difficulty as long as things go smoothly. But when a crisis occurs, we sometimes simply do not know what to do or where to turn.

Traumatic events can leave us stranded. We may lack not only social support when a crisis occurs, but also the language for understanding the place of tragedy in our lives. We may not know how to conceptualize it how to use words that can describe a disaster and make it real. We may not know how to react emotionally when crisis comes into our lives these are feelings that we may have never experienced before and they may frighten us. So we refuse to accept the crisis or to deal with it. We think we are strong and able to endure anything. 

Denial comes easily. Refusing or not knowing how to deal with the thoughts and feelings that accompany a major catastrophe, unfortunately, sets us up for PTSD. And it is not our fault.PTSD is highly treatable, especially if it is caught early. The idea behind the treatment is to process or work through the traumatic event, as well as to manage the immediate troublesome symptoms the person is experiencing. A trained therapist can help the PTSD sufferer to find the words, in a safe and gentle way, to talk about the event and to confront the feelings that accompany the experience. This is not an easy step, but it is a necessary one. While it might seem natural to avoid reliving a painful memory, it is important to face the memories, feel the emotions and try to work through them. When this happens, the trauma no longer controls the person the person is now in control of the memory of the trauma to the extent that he or she can approach it objectively and flexibly.

A person who has survived a traumatic event will probably never feel as if the event never happened, but the distressing and disruptive effects of PTSD can be alleviated. In therapy, a person can learn to describe a coherent account of his or her life. People who are able to do this are much less susceptible to the effects of trauma. Therapists use a number of techniques to help a person work through traumatic events, some involving talking and some involving more physical interventions. Sometimes medication can help to lessen the anxiety, depression and sleep difficulties, as well as the physical symptoms, which go along with PTSD.

DO NOT let anyone tell you medication is a BAD THING! Trauma changes the brain!

The old way of thinking was that the strongest people were those who could hold in their emotions and face tragedy stoically.Unfortunately, this is precisely the pattern which leads to PTSD.

Real strength comes from knowing oneself and expressing that sense of self in the world with openness, honesty, integrity and courage.
 
Some PTSD Statistics
Most people who are exposed to extreme stress are able to process their way through their reactions and never develop PTSD.
* It has been estimated that 70 percent of people will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetime.
* Of those people, 20 percent will go on to develop PTSD.

* At any given time, an estimated 5 percent of people have PTSD.

* Approximately 8 percent of the population will develop PTSD during their lifetime.

* Women are about twice as likely to develop PTSD as men, mostly because women are more susceptible to experience interpersonal violence, including rape, exploitation and physical beatings.

* Victims of domestic violence and childhood abuse are at tremendous risk for PTSD.


Do You Have PTSD?
Do you have any of the following problems? If you check at least seven of the following items and it is after you have experienced a catastrophic event, it is advisable to have a professional consultation to determine if therapy for PTSD is indicated.

____ 1. I have strong physical sensations (e.g., sweating, rapid heart beat) when I think about the event. or person.

____ 2. I try to avoid having upsetting thoughts or having contact with things or places associated with the event.

____ 3. My feelings are numb and I have difficulty experiencing normal pleasure and happiness.

____ 4. I am always watchful to make sure I don't experience the same event again.

____ 5. I have feelings of guilt associated with the traumatic event.

____ 6. I have the feeling of being unreal or that the world is unreal.

____ 7. I feel alienated or isolated from others.

____ 8. I get irritated or angry a lot.

____ 9. I have flashbacks of the event (feeling like the past event is happening all over again in the present).

____ 10. I have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because memories of the event come into my mind.

____ 11. I have memory difficulties and trouble concentrating these days.

____ 12. I am easily startled when I hear a loud noise or when danger seems imminent.

____ 13. I have been relying increasingly on alcohol or drugs (or cigarettes) to get through the day.

You never have to go through this alone. Know that there is help for you!

Cyberpaths Cause PTSD! You Are Not Losing Your Mind!

EOPC has taken excerpts from the late Tim Field's seminal work on Bullying and adjusted it for the victims of Cyberpaths. It fits the criteria and should be illustrative for both victims & their friends/ family.

The PTSD any victim has have from any dealings with a cyberpath:

• is not something you should be ashamed of, you did NOTHING wrong.
  
• You had NO WAY of knowing the cyberpath's true intentions.you are NOT at fault in any way -- you need to be validated.
• Saying "get over it" or "it's no big deal" to you is re-victimizing you-- you need properly trained therapists.
• If your therapist tells you to "just move on" -- you may need a new therapist or to educate your current one.
  

PTSD, Complex PTSD and bullying

It's widely accepted that PTSD can result from a single, major, life-threatening event, as defined in DSM-IV. Now there is growing awareness that PTSD can also result from an accumulation of many small, individually non-life-threatening incidents. To differentiate the cause, the term "Complex PTSD" is used.

There has recently been a trend amongst some psychiatric professionals to label people suffering Complex PTSD as a exhibiting a personality disorder, especially Borderline Personality Disorder. This is not the case - PTSD, Complex or otherwise, is a psychiatric injury and nothing to do with personality disorders.

It seems that Complex PTSD can potentially arise from any prolonged period of negative stress in which certain factors are present, which may include any of:

• lack of means of escape,
• entrapment,
• repeated violation of boundaries,
• betrayal,
• rejection,
• bewilderment,
• confusion,
• and - crucially - lack of control, loss of control and disempowerment.

It is the overwhelming nature of the events and the inability (helplessness, lack of knowledge, lack of support etc) of the person trying to deal with those events that leads to the development of Complex PTSD.

Situations which might give rise to Complex PTSD include bullying, harassment, abuse, domestic violence, stalking, unresolved grief, [emotional rape, involvement with a cyberpath, betrayal], etc.

Until recently, little (or no) attention was paid to the psychological harm caused by [cyberpathy]. Misperceptions (usually as a result of the observer's lack of knowledge or lack of empathy) still abound:

"It's something you have to put up with" (like rape or repeated sexual abuse?) and "It will toughen you up" (ditto).

Stalker types

Intimate partner: this stalker, the most common type, is a partner or more usually an ex-partner who can't and wont accept that a relationship has come to an end. They can't let go.

Vengeful stalker: this is the most dangerous type whose mission is to get even and/or take revenge. Mostly male, he has a grudge and he's going to do something about it.

Delusional stalker: this one has a history of mental illness which may include schizophrenia or manic depression and psychopathy. This stalker may have stopped taking his or her medication and now lives in a fantasy world composed of part reality and part delusion which he is unable to differentiate. If they're not careful, targets of the delusional stalker are likely to be sucked in to this fantasy world and start to have doubts about their own sanity, especially if the stalker is intelligent, and intermittently and seamlessly lucid and appears "normal".

Erotomaniac: this stalker is also delusional and mentally ill and believes he or she is in love with you and will have created an entire relationship in their head.

Variations

Harasser stalker: some stalker types like to be the center of attention and may have an attention-seeking personality disorder; they may not be stalkers in the strict sense of the word but repeatedly pester anyone (especially anyone who is kind, vulnerable or inexperienced) who might be persuaded to pay them attention. They may select a victim who they stalk by fabricating claims of harassment by this person against themselves. They fabricate or cobble-together information to make it appear that they (the harasser) are the victim of this person and to justify their harassment.

Cyberstalkers, Cyberpaths and love rats: again, these may not be stalkers in the strict sense of the word but they have many similar characteristics. Cyberstalkers and love rats surf the web with the intention of starting relationships and may have several simultaneous relationships. The targets of a cyberstalker may know little about the person they are talking to (other than what they've convincingly been fed) and be unaware of a trail of other targets past and present. [BBC News Online item]

Troll. The Troll's purpose is to be given more credibility than (s)he deserves, and to suck people into useless, pointless, never-ending, emotionally-draining, ranting discussions full of verbal loops and "word labyrinths" (word salad), playing people against each other, hurting their feelings, and wasting their time and emotional energy.

It's common for stalkers to exhibit characteristics of more than one of these stalking types.

Warning signs

These are the signs to be alert to:

• refuses to accept "no" for an answer

• isolates you from your friends and/or family or harasses your friends/ family

• puts you down in front of your family or friends

• sends frequent unsolicited or unwelcome gifts

• makes offers of unsolicited help

• excessive niceness in the early stages

• use of guilt to manipulate your feelings or to force you into courses of action you feel uncomfortable with

• extreme jealousy

• frequent loss of temper

• follows you everywhere online or off

• threats

• emotional and verbal abuse

• threats of damage or destruction to your property

• talks about violence or is fascinated with themes of violence

• makes your family or friends feel scared or uneasy
  

[Dealing with a Cyberpath], often over a period of months or years, results in symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?

A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a [cyberpath] has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims.

A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.

A.2.The target of the cyberpath may be unaware that they are being exploited, and even when they do realize (there's usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realizes that the criticisms and tactics of control, etc are invalid),

they often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves.

Naivety is the great enemy. The target is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry.

B.1. The target experiences regular intrusive violent visualizations and replays of events and conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.

B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature.

B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than when they went to bed.

B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, e.g.receiving threatening letters or email from the [cyberpath or their friends, their family or attorneys. Additionally postings on online boards or sites about the victim can add to these triggers and health related issues tremendously.]

B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, vomitting, binge eating or forgetting to eat, ditto.
Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of the [cyberpathy] or prospect being forced to take action against the [cyberpath].

C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy). Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.

C.1. The target tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the horror of the exploitation.

C.2. Almost all callers to the Workplace Bullying Advice Line report impaired memory; this may be partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory

C.3. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and excluding almost every other interest.

C.4. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is sought.

C.5. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.

C.6. The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health.

D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.

D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, e.g. arranging an accident for, or murdering the cyberpath; the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.

D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for work.

D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.

D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any remark as critical.

E. Recovery from a cyberpath experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover.

F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible.

Common symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD that sufferers report experiencing

• hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia)
• exaggerated startle response
  
• irritability
  
• sudden angry or violent outbursts flashbacks
• nightmares
  
• intrusive recollections, replays
• violent visualizations
  
• triggers
  
• sleep disturbance
  
• exhaustion, adrenal fatigue and chronic fatigue
  
• reactive depression
  
• guilt
• shame
• feelings of detachment
  
• avoidance behaviors
  
• nervousness
• anxiety
  
• phobias about specific daily routines, events or objects
  
• irrational or impulsive behaviour
  
• loss of interest
  
• loss of ambition
  
• anhedonia (inability to feel joy and pleasure)
  
• poor concentration
  
• impaired memory
  
• joint pains, muscle pains (sometimes becomes Fibromyalgia and/or Chronic Myofascial Pain)
  
• emotional numbness
  
• physical numbness
  
• low self-esteem
  
• an overwhelming sense of injustice and a strong desire to do something about it.

Associated symptoms of Complex PTSD

Survivor guilt:
Levels of guilt are also abnormally raised. The person may also find themselves being abnormally and inappropriately generous and giving.

Shame, embarrassment, guilt, and fear are encouraged by the [cyberpath], for this is how ALL abusers - including child sex abusers - control and silence their victims.

Marital disharmony:
the target becomes obsessed with understanding and resolving what is happening and the experience takes over their life; partners become confused, irritated, bewildered, frightened and angry; separation and divorce are common outcomes.

Breakdown
The word "breakdown" is often used to describe the mental collapse of someone who has been under intolerable strain. There is usually an (inappropriate) inference of "mental illness". All these are lay terms and mean different things to different people. I define two types of breakdown:

Nervous breakdown or mental breakdown is a consequence of mental illness

Stress breakdown is a psychiatric injury, which is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation

The two types of breakdown are distinct and should not be confused. A stress breakdown is a natural and normal conclusion to a period of prolonged negative stress; the body is saying "I'm not designed to operate under these conditions of prolonged negative stress so I am going to do something dramatic to ensure that you reduce or eliminate the stress otherwise your body may suffer irreparable damage; you must take action now".

A stress breakdown is often predictable days - sometimes weeks - in advance as the person's fear, fragility, obsessiveness, hypervigilance and hypersensitivity combine to evolve into paranoia (as evidenced by increasingly bizarre talk).

If this happens, a stress breakdown is only days or even hours away and the person needs urgent medical help. The risk of suicide at this point is heightened.

Often the cause of negative stress can be traced to the behavior of one individual. The [cyberpath].

The person who suffers a stress breakdown is often treated as if they have had a mental breakdown; they are sent to a psychiatrist, prescribed drugs used to treat mental illness, and may be encouraged - sometimes coerced or sectioned - into becoming a patient in a psychiatric hospital.

The sudden transition to a ward containing schizophrenics, drug addicts and other people with genuine long-term mental health problems adds to rather than alleviates the trauma.

Words like "psychiatrist", "psychiatric unit" etc are often translated by work colleagues, friends, and sometimes family into "nutcase", "shrink", "funny farm", "loony" and other inappropriate epithets.

The [cyberpath] encourages this, often ensuring that the victim's record contains a reference to the person's "mental health problems".

Sometimes, the [cyberpath] produces their own amateur diagnosis of mental illness - but this is more likely to be a projection of the bully's own state of mind and should be regarded as such.

The [target] often thinks they are going mad, and may be encouraged in this belief by those who do not have that person's best interests at heart. They are not going mad;

PTSD is an injury, not an illness.

Sometimes, the term "psychosis" is applied to mental illness, and the term "neurosis" to psychiatric injury. The main difference is that a psychotic person is unaware they have a mental problem, whereas the neurotic person is aware - often acutely.

The [cyberpath]'s lack of insight into their psychopathic behavior and its effect on others has the hallmarks of a psychosis, although this obliviousness would appear to be a choice rather than a condition.

Hypersensitivity and hypervigilance are likely to cause the person suffering PTSD to react unfavorably to the use of these words, possibly perceiving that they, the target, are being blamed for their circumstances.

A frequent diagnosis of stress breakdown is "brief reactive psychosis", especially if paranoia and suicidal thoughts predominate. However, a key difference between mental breakdown and stress breakdown is that a person undergoing a stress breakdown will be intermittently lucid, often alternating seamlessly between paranoia and seeking information about their paranoia and other symptoms.

The person is also likely to be talking about resolving their situation (which is the cause of their problems).

Transformation
A stress breakdown is a transformational experience which, with the right support, can ultimately enrich the experiencer's life. However, completing the transformation can be a long and sometimes painful process.

The Western response - to hospitalise and medicalize the experience, thus hindering the process - may be well-intentioned, but may lessen the value and effectiveness of the transformation.

How would you feel if, rather than a breakdown, you viewed it as a breakthrough?How would you feel if it was suggested to you that the reason for a stress breakdown is to awaken you to your mission in life and to enable you to discover the reason why you have incarnated on this planet?

How would it change your view of things if it was also suggested to you that a stress breakdown reconfigures your brain to enable you to embark on the path that will culminate in the achievement of your mission?

SOURCE

Aftermath: EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body.

The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions - love, compassion, affection - without consent.

Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

source: Cosmopolitan magazine - September 2001
(DOWNLOAD THE FULL ARTICLE BY CLICKING HERE)

Almost of the targets we have spoken to (some have opted not to put their Online Predator here yet) suffer from some degree of EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

These are both very REAL syndromes that can affect physical health as well as mental wellness. Sometimes permanently with illnesses like Adrenal Insufficiency, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, Migraines, Sleep Disorders and so on. (Hopefully laws can be changed to hold these predators RESPONSIBLE for doing this to their victims! If the target is able, suing them civilly for "INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS" would be a good start!)

The targets/victims were NOT stupid. They were good trusting, people who gave their GENUINE love, compassion and/or trust to a Cyberpath who was cruel, inhumane and abusive to them. These people had no idea they were being used or manipulated - sometimes by people they'd known for a number of years or had no reason to believe they were predators. Naive - yes, stupid - NO.

Below are excerpts from Dr. Mike Fox's wonderful book THE EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME. - EOPC


What is Emotional Rape?
Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent.

However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda.

Emotional rape can happen to both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again.

Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society ("you were stupid", "how could you let this happen", "...told you they were bad news", "you were naive", "you should have known", "just move on/ get over it", etc.) and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened.


It Could Happen to Anyone
Shara, who died after jumping from a freeway overpass into rush hour traffic (because of emotional rape trauma), was exploited by a rapist who could accurately be described as armed and dangerous; an accomplished deceiver who had raped before.

Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:

• They are charismatic, ostensibly attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired, but with a naturally manipulative nature.
• They can completely conceal their true selves.

(A SOCIOPATHIC type - EOPC)

These two observations draw attention to one of the central features of such behavior:

• Emotional rape can happen to anyone. The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have already become victims demonstrate the danger in thinking otherwise; in believing "It could never happen to me."
• It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self is such that almost anyone could be deceived.

The focus here is mainly on the rapist, examining what it is that makes an individual capable of this form of psychological aggression.


Colliding Emotions
It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape.

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable.

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:

• Denial
• Isolation
• Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'
• Loneliness and Despondency/Depression
• Rage and Obsession
• Inability to Love or Trust
• Loss of Self-Esteem
• Confusion
• Erratic Behavior
• Hidden and Delayed Reactions
• Fear and Anxiety

(Cyberpaths who continue to smear, carry on harassment & hate campaigns only contribute to this trauma and should be held accountable for doing so!)

Each of these is considered in detail... as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane.

Psychological torture as damaging as physical torture

By Jonathan M. Gitlin

The subject of torture has been in the news a lot lately, what with extraordinary rendition, secret prisons in Poland, detainee abuse, Iraqi torture facilities, and the fight between the US Congress and the White House over just what you can and can't do to a prisoner. Everyone is pretty much on board with the idea that causing physical pain, a la the TV show 24, is verboten. But in this brave new world, the techniques being employed are more sophisticated than such trusty old standbys like beating the soles of the feet or inserting and then breaking glass catheters.

Practices that have evolved from the men who stare at goats now aim to break down subjects through psychological means that leave no visible scars, and as a result they are far more palatable with the general public. Sleep deprivation, stress positions, sensory deprivation and the like are dismissed by pundits and defense lawyers as nothing like torture.

But the aftereffects of such treatment are at least as damaging to those on the receiving end, such as having teeth pulled out, being burned, or being electrocuted. Those are the findings of a new report in the Archives of General Psychiatry. The study, carried out by Dr. Metin Basoglu and colleagues from King's College London and Clinical Hospital Zvezdara, Belgrade, Serbia, involved interviewing 279 torture survivors from the former Yugoslavia. Their experiences were cataloged, and they rated each event on a scale of zero to four for distress and for loss of control, and whether or not they suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder.

The researchers identified seven categories of torture: "sexual torture; physical torture; psychological manipulations, such as threats of rape or witnessing the torture of others; humiliating treatment, including mockery and verbal abuse; exposure to forced stress positions, such as bondage with rope or other restrictions of movement; loud music, cold showers and other sensory discomforts; and deprivation of food, water or other basic needs." Physical torture rated between 3.2 and 3.8, and this figure was matched by 16 other practices, such as sham executions, rape, threat of rape, isolation and fondling of genitals. There was no lesser incidence of PTSD in those who had not been physically tortured. Dr Basoglu concludes that

the psychological practices which are in vogue right now " do not seem to be substantially different from physical torture in terms of the extent of mental suffering they cause, the underlying mechanisms of traumatic stress, and their long-term traumatic effects."

---------------------------------

contrary to what some mentally disturbed persons say about EOPC online, we:

• do not harass or hack anyone or anyplace for any reason
• do not impersonate people online
• do not collect personal data or money, this site makes no profit
• do not 'diagnose' online
• do not intervene in exposures - we merely report (we do not fabricate - what we post comes from the victims, not us -- we can post our opinions only)
• If you are harassed or stalked online, EOPC can & will not intervene - please see the link in the column at right for help. This site is informational only.
  

THOUGHTS ABOUT CYBERPATHS FROM VICTIMS & PROFESSIONALS

Here on EOPC, in our margins, we have quotes from victims of Cyberpaths and professionals dealing with Cyberpaths' victims as well as thoughts on the long term after-effects of their attacks.

You may have read them elsewhere, you may not. We think they're important and powerful enough to include here so you can read them in their entirety - EOPC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM VICTIMS:
"The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep"--- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern

"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals... They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim. The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare"--Target of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially"-- Target of Ed Hicks

"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in one abusive relationship after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction & half-truths behind them. Yes, I was very wrong for my part but it was more than just cybersex - there was some good profound dialog. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief.

"After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are factually twisted, with the spin (telling people I 'am harassing him or his family'!) to make him look the victim. He sickens me. It's nothing less than soul murder." --Target of Jeff Dunetz aka Yidwithlid.

"When a couple of his other online "ladies" and then his wife contacted me I was in shock. Deep shock. I asked them to send me pictures because I couldn't believe it was the same person I'd been chatting with! The only things that were consistent were the lies. The seduction and the cybersex scenarios. They were exactly the same. But he'd painted a slightly different picture of himself with all of us! He told me he hated porn; but he had a computer FULL of it. He told me and the other women he wasn't in love with his wife anymore but during the relationships he and his wife had had a re-marriage ceremony and lavish reception! He told me he'd never cheated on his wife but we all found out he'd had a couple girlfriends at jobs he'd had. He painted himself as devoted to his family but he had online ads for sex partners, swinger parties and online dating sites for a number of years before I came in the picture. How he kept it all straight I will never know!" - Anonymous Victim

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

"[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me! -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock... Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"People kept telling me to "get over it" and "move on" - I tried but I couldn't. The online relationship was about 2 years and it took another 2 after it ended for me to feel a little better and sleep at night. It took about 4 years before I stopped thinking about him every day and almost 5 years to get my life back. Everyone, even HE, said I was "fixated & obsessed." Until a counselor told me about mind control, neurolinguistic programming and pointed out the powerful online seduction techniques that had been used on me. I realized; it wasn't just a bad relationship! He'd 'indoctrinated' me slowly over time and I needed to deprogram; like I'd been in a cult! Family & Friends may never understand but I do. My brain & body felt different. I would do and say things I with him I knew I would never have done under normal circumstances. I was being controlled like a puppet! And would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. - Anonymous Victim

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages.

"...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky.
"My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming."

"The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email. And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day."-- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." Joe Teig, New York, NY

FROM PROFESSIONALS:
"We now understand that women & men are not "crazy" or "defective" when, in response to trauma, they develop PTSD symptoms, including insomnia, flashbacks, phobias, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, a numbed toughness, amnesia, shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-mutilation and social withdrawal. - Phyllis Chesler, MD

"We hear about Internet predators for children, I don't think we're hearing very much about Internet predators for middle age women at all. And that bothers me," -- SANDRA PHIPPS

"When [ ] predators are found using the Internet a common response of the Internet industry and government officials is to blame someone else, or say that nothing can be done to stop it." -- Donna M. Hughes, PhD; Univ. of Rhode Island

"We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate [the predator's] access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many [cyberpaths] deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves." - Kathy Krajco

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"

"[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen... - Mary Ann Borg Cunen"

"Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people. Estimates have gone up to 30% that online daters are married. That represents an emotional risk to our membership base." - Herb Vest, CEO of True.com

"How do we go from fantasy to reality? Lots of people have private fantasies that give them some sort of pleasure and maybe even trouble them, but they don't act on them. I think one of the contributory facts-- it's not the only one-- is the insidious nature of the internet itself. I think there are three things that are problematic about the Internet, or at least three things. One is the easy accessibility. You don't, in the beginning at least, have to go anywhere. You just push a button that's sitting there next to you.

Secondly, there's this illusion of anonymity, which can be very disinhibiting. You feel as though you're there in the privacy of your bedroom. It's not that private, but you don't sense that at the time. And thirdly, there is a distortion of reality and fantasy to some extent. That people feel as though they're playing a game. They're making up who they are. They wonder if someone else is giving a false persona. They begin to do things that in the light of day they might never have done and then, ultimately and sadly, sometimes cross a line that they might not otherwise have crossed. Where do they get the message [the internet] is where you can go? We've created a "we versus they" mentality. And I understand that what they do is offensive. It's aggravating. It makes me angry. But we're not going to solve the problem by pushing it further underground." - Dr. Fred Berlin, Psychiatrist, Johns Hopkins University on "DATELINE NBC"

"I love words. I believe in the power of words. I believe that if truthful words are spoken, written, shared, they will be heard, and they will be answered. Not with a [cyberpath]. You get sucker-punched in trying to explain something. There is no response to what is said. Words are deflected, twisted, questions answered with questions, non sequitors abound." - NarcissisticAbuse.com

"This is the classic emotional rape scenario: the use of a higher emotion (such as love) to fulfill a hidden agenda... There can be no hidden agendas in real love. These features, even if identified in retrospect, can help victims understand what has happened to them, giving them a chance of real recovery. - Dr. Mike Fox, The Emotional Rape Syndrome

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- -Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

"The [exposed Cyberpath] on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced [target] who dared to oppose them, [expose them], to disagree with them or to outshine them. [The Cyberpath] can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf

The sexual relationship with the [cyberpath] is most peculiar. [Cyberpath]s are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used.

Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. [Cyberpath]s have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner. Here is a list of just some of these abusive behaviors:

• The [cyberpath] pretends to be sexual for you but is after her/his gratification only
• Your sexual past is being torn apart
• You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the [cyberpath])
• The [cyberpath] instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place
• You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated
• The [cyberpath] instigates and turns everything into a sexual game (without informing you he/ she only sees it as a GAME)
  
• The [cyberpath] encourages you to have sexual relations with everybody although the [cyberpath] has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be unfaithful
• The narcissist makes fun of or distorts your sexuality after using you for his own gratification (e.g. you are fat, you're bisexual or have ugly breasts)
• The [cyberpath] wants to try out everything possible
• The [cyberpath] is an exhibitionist and will send you explicit photos of himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:

• Firstly, the victim will be coaxed to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.
• Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.
• Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically or just cuts off the sexual relationship with no explanation, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.
• Fourth, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

-- Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality." Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"For the unlucky women, months turn into years as they ride the roller coaster going nowhere. From heart stopping curves to death wish drops, they hate the ride but don’t know how to get off.

"Interestingly, no matter how long the women were in the relationship, the aftermath symptoms were the same. This means any exposure to psychopathy is psychologically devastating. The aftermath severity happens because the psychopath uses forms of mind control… It is hard to fathom but the [cyberpath] psychopath’s goal is to succeed in controlling and destroying a woman, …not to have a successful relationship with her. A [cyberpath] psychopath does devious kinds of acts to try to make his woman think she is having a nervous breakdown or is mentally deficient so she relies on his “take” of reality. If mind control is psychologically damaging to prisoners of war, it is just as damaging to the intimate partners of psychopaths. Psychopaths [cyberpaths] will go to great lengths to inflict psychological devastation, because they enjoy the process.

He …claims …that he “knows people” who get the information for him. This increases her paranoia and fear and adds to the [cyberpath] psychopath’s mystique.

They will agree to changes and then act as if they never had the conversation about the changes. They will admit behaviors when caught and later deny they admitted them. They will get caught red-handed and later deny she ever …heard, or found out what he did. He will use other accomplices to validate his stories to increase her sensation that she is going crazy. Wealthy [cyberpaths] psychopaths will financially bribe others to control the outcome of situations that continue to support his mirage of lies.

Women… may have symptoms resulting from mind control, and coercion. All of these conditions result from a victim’s bonding and emotional connection to her [cyberpath]. These symptoms are often seen in prisoners of war, hostages, and cult members.

…but she is not an easy woman to “take down.” Self-control will hold her strong even in the face of these psychopath-created delusions. …Some of the women indicated they stayed far too long trying to “figure out” what was going on or to go toe-to-toe with him so he couldn’t get something else over on them. Most of the women said they were baffled by the strange dynamics in the relationship and stayed until they had some kind of cognitive understanding of what they had been living through.

As the emotional stress, physical, and sexual exhaustion are taking their toll, her failed reality testing continues. She begins thinking paranormal things are happening around her. The constant ups and downs of the relationship are now eroding this strong woman’s sense of self-confidence and resourcefulness — just what the [cyberpath] psychopath intended.

As she starts to psychologically decompensate, she experiences the same [ ] dynamics that are seen in the Stockholm Syndrome:

• She perceives (and has already experienced) a threat to her physical or psychological survival and believes he has the ability to carry out his threats. By now, she has already lived months …of him carrying out his ability to harm her…
• Perceived small kindnesses from him to her set the emotional tone for her letting down her guard and seeing him as human or kind again. This also increases her relationship investment and hope in him.
• Isolation from outside perspectives other than his. She has already experienced not only isolation from others but the indoctrination of his pathological world view…

As she decompensates, she is an easier mark for continued manipulation by the [cyberpath] psychopath. It is uncertain if [cyberpaths] psychopaths have a natural ability by nature of their pathology to simply unconsciously perpetrate these types of mental “set-ups” or if the “set-ups”’ are systemically planned so that just watching her psychologically melt before his very eyes is a power pump for him. Our guess would be the later. If [cyberpaths] psychopaths didn’t like the game of manipulation, they would consistently choose women who are introverted and who would be a far easier capture than taking on powerful extraverted women. But that is in fact, exactly why most [cyberpaths] psychopaths choose the powerful extraverted woman. To that end, we have to assume that the psychopath predator enjoys watching a previously high-functioning woman turn into a reality-doubting, exhausted, bundle of nerves which he finds pretty erotic.

Sadly, some of the [cyberpath] psychopath’s women only make it out of their torment through suicide. The ultimate power triumph for a [cyberpath] psychopath — he conquered her spirit and won. He scoops up and moves on to the next woman/victim…

“I realized I had been seduced by a con man and I spent months in shock, trying to figure out just who he really is.”

A relationship with a psychopathic man is not like any other failed relationship. The women who loved psychopaths are not just bitter women scorned. It is simply not possible to have a relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath and not be harmed and damaged to a significant degree.

One woman expressed,
“It has been over four years since our relationship ended and I still get anxiety attacks at the thought of dating - I am still single and have adopted a hermit lifestyle to make sure I never go through anything like this again.”

The relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath has resulted in many women living out their lives alone without a partner.

The medical side effects of post traumatic stress disorder that many of the women developed from the relationship (as well as other acute stress disorders) will long manifest in her body. Medical side effects that continue on, long after the psychopath has left, include:

• Auto immune disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Insomnia
  
• Migraines
• Digestive disorders
• High blood pressure

“This relationship has taken a grave physical toll on my body. I have several conditions. I look about 20 years older than I actually am.”

Sexual damage
Many of the women experienced sexual damage and negative effects on their sexuality. Having been exposed to deviant sexual practices, humiliated about their sexual performance or bodies, compared to other women, and often sexually harmed…

Long term damage
Women who have been in relationships with [cyberpaths] psychopaths universally experience some sort of acute stress. The acute stress could have evolved into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or other types of stress disorders. The lingering disorders serve as reminders of past pain and are likely to cause the women symptoms for years and maybe for life.

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the real truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University


FINAL THOUGHTS
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.