Sunday, August 12, 2012


Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body.

The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions - love, compassion, affection - without consent.

Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

source: Cosmopolitan magazine - September 2001

Almost of the targets we have spoken to (some have opted not to put their Online Predator here yet) suffer from some degree of EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

These are both very REAL syndromes that can affect physical health as well as mental wellness. Sometimes permanently with illnesses like Adrenal Insufficiency, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, Migraines, Sleep Disorders and so on. (Hopefully laws can be changed to hold these predators RESPONSIBLE for doing this to their victims! If the target is able, suing them civilly for "INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS" would be a good start!)

The targets/victims were NOT stupid. They were good trusting, people who gave their GENUINE love, compassion and/or trust to a Cyberpath who was cruel, inhumane and abusive to them. These people had no idea they were being used or manipulated - sometimes by people they'd known for a number of years or had no reason to believe they were predators. Naive - yes, stupid - NO.

Below are excerpts from Dr. Mike Fox's wonderful book

What is Emotional Rape?
Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent.

However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda.

Emotional rape can happen to both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again.

Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society ("you were stupid", "how could you let this happen", "...told you they were bad news", "you were naive", "you should have known", "just move on/ get over it", etc.) and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened.

It Could Happen to Anyone

Shara, who died after jumping from a freeway overpass into rush hour traffic (because of emotional rape trauma), was exploited by a rapist who could accurately be described as armed and dangerous; an accomplished deceiver who had raped before.

Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:
  • They are charismatic, ostensibly attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired, but with a naturally manipulative nature.
  • They can completely conceal their true selves.

These two observations draw attention to one of the central features of such behavior:
  • Emotional rape can happen to anyone. The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have already become victims demonstrate the danger in thinking otherwise; in believing "It could never happen to me."
  • It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self is such that almost anyone could be deceived.
The focus here is mainly on the rapist, examining what it is that makes an individual capable of this form of psychological aggression.

Colliding Emotions

It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape.

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable.

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:
  • Denial
  • Isolation
  • Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'
  • Loneliness and Despondency/Depression
  • Rage and Obsession
  • Inability to Love or Trust
  • Loss of Self-Esteem
  • Confusion
  • Erratic Behavior
  • Hidden and Delayed Reactions
  • Fear and Anxiety
(Cyberpaths who continue to smear, carry on harassment & hate campaigns only contribute to this trauma and should be held accountable for doing so!)

Each of these is considered in detail... as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane.


Anonymous said...

As usual, an excellent article. Thank you "Fighter" for posting this informative piece. The thing that victims need to understand is this is not their fault; seek help; get into therapy; learn the warning signs---and above all, know they are not alone.

Thank you for this site and for all the people you are helping.

kat2123247 said...

Yes ty for this article! It's very good.people who have never gone through these things are clueless as the affect it leaves the victim with.

Anonymous said...

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bludancer said...

it's interesting. i just separated from a "friend" with whom i spent weeks/months discussing "autistic sensory issues." in actuality we were discussing his fetishes; he was also addicted to porn.

it sounds strange that i could fall for such a strategy. i still don't know what to make of it. so many red flags, and i just didn't see them.

i stopped having night terrors after i refused to discuss these things with him. he kept me there as potential supply for a while after by playing on my concerns for him. when it became clear i wasn't going to fill that role anymore, the emails, etc. stopped.

i've also noticed a dramatic decrease in anxiety since i stopped discussing his "sensory issues." i do have PTSD from other sources (mainly sexual assault.) i do believe this "friendship" was another form of assault.

he's moved on to other victims now. i want to blow the whistle, but i just don't have the "chutzpah" right now. i've whistle-blown before, and i know the perpetrator can really make life miserable for you if your emotional house isn't fully yet in order.

thank you for this site. the information has really been invaluable. my reality got turned so upside down for a while. thanks to this and other educational sites, i'm starting to feel a little more sane.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to blow the whistle on my emotional rapist, but where's the proof? He smears all the women he does it to; I know because I heard the stories, back in the day when I was too trauma-bonded to him to believe my own gut. Surely only the sickest people could do this to others.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is thank you for this article...this "godly" man made my 15th year of life hell after all was exposed. I had always known something was wrong with me emotionally after everything occurred and now I know. I stumbled across this just now after finally feeling comfortable enough and strong enough to do some research. I have been planning to become an activist for what I now have a name for, emotional rape victims, as I have felt completely alone in the suffering. Now, I can begin truly healing and I have a name to put with my feelings and situation. Thank you.

It took me months just to convince myself that I wasn't stupid. Now, I know that I am not, but I still have to carry around pepper spray to feel safe, and each time someone not verbally identified comes to pick me up from school my heart races and pounds because I expect to see this "godly mystery man" around the corner. Not to mention that he used my faith to hurt me...what kind of sick person...NO ONE should go through this alone, and I won't let it happen anymore.

Anonymous said...

I would like to say thanks to this web site for such an important article. It has been 10 months since I saw my RAPIST,but the damage and effects are still with me on a daily basis....it is severe. My RAPIST had the background (psycology) to now exactly what to do and say with lethal expertise. I bought the book by Michael Fox and it has been a Godsned. I refer to it often and I recommend it to anyone going through this or just wanting to gain knowledge on this horific syndrome. I wish the laws would change or recognize this as a crime. In my case everything was pre-planned by my masterminded RAPIST. Hoever, there can be no dollar amount to take my pain away. Thanks again EOPC