THE LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR

(almost 10 years old but still timely!)

The excerpts used are from the book THE ART OF SEDUCTION by Robert Greene. Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons.

For anyone who thinks those "seduce women now" sites are total b.s. - think again. There are 1000s of sites to teach predator HOW TO all over the internet. Some even FREE & interactive. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate even the smartest minds. BEWARE

By the way, did you know that more intelligent people are EASIER to hypnotise? Ask any certified hypnotist and check this fact OUT!

COMMENTS in Dark Blue & Italics are the EOPC Team's and not Mr. Greene's. Other Dark Blue areas in Greene's excerpt are our emphasis only.

HOW TO DO IT

1-CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.

Picking up vulnerable, abused - by parents or partners, disabled, unhappily married, separated and/or despondent people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade.

AND STAY OFF ALL THE ONLINE DATING SITES -
WHERE CYBERPATHS' CAMP OUT!

2-CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY- APPROACH INDIRECTLY

If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target's life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional "chance" encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike.

Did he tell you that you & he had SO much in common? Did they get you into chatting about life, politics, your family, philosophy? Did they make themselves a confidant and "confide" in you as well? Did they tell you you were the ONLY one who understood them?

3-SEND MIXED SIGNALS

Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. What is obvious and striking may attract their attention at first, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run, ambiguity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvious-instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you.
Did they say things that made you think WTF?
Did they make comments and then tell you they 'didn't want to talk about it anymore'?
Did you feel they were churning inside and you could "help" them?
Did they use Confusion Technique talk with you or "word salad"?
Stuff that made you think HUH... yet, you felt funny about calling them on it?

4-APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES

Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability - of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.

Did they have the spouse who would DIE if they knew the person you are chatting with didn't love them anyone? Did they tell you their former fiance or partner was the best sexual partner ever and/or they still talk frequently with them? Did they miss their "past glories" because all they wanted to do was "please" someone and "make them happy?" Did they suggest they might be looking for something a little better.... even a little better than you? Of course they would NEVER come right out and say that! Do a search on TRIANGULATION - an online predator's FAVORITE 'position.'

5-CREATE A NEED: STIR ANXIETY AND DISCONTENT

A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds. Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring. The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill.

Did they help you understand how bad your current relationship is/was? Did they know you as someone so much more than your partner? Did they tell you they liked who you were inside even if you are fat or ill? Did they tell you that you & they could help & support each other emotionally? Did they make you feel more wanted than you have been in years?

6-MASTER THE ART OF INSINUATION

Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of planting ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Insinuation is the supreme means of influencing people. Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive.

• Did they try to initiate cybersex and when you said no - apologize profusely?
• Or tell you of an erotic dream and then say they feel so bad they told you if it offended you?
• Did they send you erotic cards or pictures and insist your online relationship was NOT about sex but "oh so much more."
• Did they suggest a hotel room? A clandestine meeting? A weekend away? Just the two of you? To "comfort" each other?
• Did they tell you they "wished" they could have a "fantasy weekend away" with someone that REALLY cared about them - without saying that person might be YOU?
• Did you feel almost compelled to throw yourself at them to 'end their pain' and loneliness?

7-ENTER THEIR SPIRIT

Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.

Did they seem to be so much like you it was eerie?
If you were Christian, they were Christian? If you were Agnostic, they were agnostic? and so on?
Did you find them mirroring you? Stealing your words, phrases, thoughts and even parts of your personality? If the relationship is over, did you meet someone else who told you about the predator and what was told them and realize "that was MY story" and they told it as if it was their own!

8-CREATE TEMPTATION

Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise of forbidden knowledge, you must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. It could be wealth, it could be adventure, it could be forbidden and guilty pleasures; the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you.

Was your real-life relationship stale or abusive? No sex? Never went out anywhere? Never travelled anymore? Broke? Did they offer you "REAL LOVE"? was the word "SOULMATE" used often? Were their sexual innuedos erotic & exciting? Did they offer to take you places? Dinners? Theatre? Trips? Did they offer you gifts? To pay your plane fare?

9-KEEP THEM IN SUSPENSE- WHAT COMES NEXT?
The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.

Did they suddenly disappear from IM or Chat for days or weeks? No explanation? Did emails go unresponded to? Did they seem to want to talk to you or be with you one minute and to get rid of you the next? Did they leave the computer for a "few minutes" never to return. Did they say they were going to bed and yet their available IM light was still on? Did you get an odd email saying "sorry we keep missing each other" when you were online at the same time as them and they NEVER ever IM'd to say hello or didn't answer if you IM'd them?

10-USE THE DEMONIC POWER OF WORDS TO SOW CONFUSION
It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.

Were they the best partner but unappreciated? the all-star at work? the better parent? the religious altruist? the truth & justice commando? Did they portray themselves as sweet but misunderstood? As imperfect but trying so hard? Was the sexual or romantic talk absolutely mind-blowing? THIS IS A FORM OF MIND CONTROL!!! Did you find it hard to think or function sometimes because of the drug-like nature of this online relationship?

11-PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious: why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do-are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate. Create spectacles to dazzle their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to. Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.

The online predator's verbal slight of hand is overwhelming. Even to a smart & savvy person. If they are in a bad relationship, always ask how they are feeling? Had you been to the doctor? What did your doctor say? Are you upset? Something happen? Death in your family? Did they offer their 'strong arms' and warm cyber-embrace? Do they seem to care about the little things in your life like no one else? All part of the bait!

12-POETICIZE YOUR PRESENCE

Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they will yearn to see you again, and will only associate you with pleasant thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.

Online psychopaths are masters at this. As pointed out above - did they disappear from the net or from you for days or weeks without a word? You call their cell phone and got voicemail? Are they busy for a while, off to work conference or with family for a while? Can't talk to you because something's come up and they are SO SORRY. Yet when they do "pop" on to say hi they are VERY concerned about YOU and said "HI" because they were 'thinking of you so much' and 'upset that they haven't been there for you.' RIGHT......

13-DISARM THROUGH STRATEGIC WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY

Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness-tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

• Did you hear phrases like "sometimes when I talk to you I feel I can't control myself"?
• Or did they tell you that you were "too good" for them?
• Did they say "if you really knew me, you'd leave me" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am."
• Were they STRUGGLING with their feelings and fears about you? Getting so close to someone 'scaring' them?
• Did they do something STUPID and 'confess' to you about it?
• Did they give you the impression that you were the only person they could TRUST?

14-CONFUSE DESIRE & REALITY: THE PERFECT ILLUSION
To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.

Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!"

15-ISOLATE THE VICTIM

An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.

Online relationships are already like this. In another article posted on this site - it confirms the mental states reached when one is online. Trance and dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.

• Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret?
• Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms?
• Or to not tell other friends about your "special" relationship or your "treasure"?
• Do they ask when your spouse, family or partner is gone or asleep?
• Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites 'might not be the best option'?
• Are they narrowing your field of vision?
• Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it?
• Does that sound NORMAL to you?

The MINUTE they tell you "not to talk to" someone or "not to tell" : Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person(s) - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves! And BELIEVE THEM. Do NOT BELIEVE the "scorned woman" or "hell hath no fury" or "he's crazy" stuff you will hear from your online friend - as much as you might want to. HEALTHY PEOPLE don't need to smear others!

16-PROVE YOURSELF
Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.

• When you questioned them about things that seemed off and red flags - did they have explanation? Offer you 'hard proof'?
• Did they do something to "make up for" their absences or gaffs? Did they do little things to "perk you up"? Like send you an ecard or flowers just to say hi.
• Did they do things to "make you feel better"?
• Did they say things like "I will do anything to make you happy?"
• Offer you small private glimpses into their lives to prove they are ok?
• Send you pictures (supposedly) of themselves with their parents? other friends? kids? And did they ask you to do the same?

17-EFFECT A REGRESSION

People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.

Stand up for you? Tell you the sort of things you wish your mom or dad had told you? Offer you the sort of verbal and emotional support your current partner never does? Or were they someone you knew from high school, college or a past job who just 'happened' to look you up online or just 'stumbled' on your name & email?

All sorts of reunion sites & social networking are becoming very popular for the cyberpath to go back and rework past targets. If you were a past target they can also use the "but you KNOW me" talk to regain your confidence while getting ready to use you.

18-STIR UP THE TRANSGRESSIVE & TABOO
There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

• Did they talk you into cybersex or phone sex? Just this once? Tell you they had "never done this before"?
• Did they tell you some dark desire and then immediately apologize and swear they won't talk about it again.
• Did they tell you "I saw a hooker once but if my wife knew she'd leave me" and "I only use porn because I am so lonely"?
• Did they tell you their past relationship was very complicated because of things you would NEVER get involved with and then say it was the past PARTNER who caused the problem? Or that the partner was "deceased" and their children would "never understand the two of you." That they still care for the past partner but that it was "more than they could deal with".

Are you SURE it was the past partner and not PROJECTION on their part? Also if other people who know this person, such as chat room friends, tell you to watch out - LISTEN TO THEM!!

Also if they INSIST that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more."

19-USE SPIRITUAL LURES

Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited.

Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the 'spiritual union of two souls.'

• Have you & they spent hours talking about God, philosophy and spirituality?
• Is this person deeper than you ever imagined? (or appearing that way?)
• Do they tell you about your past lives together? you being twin souls or soulmates?
• That it was destiny not the internet that brought you together. That you have a special energy?
• That you give them goosebumps just being online with them?
• They can feel you without being in the same room with you? Maybe that's possible but don't you wonder where they LEARNED lines like that?
• Are they REALLY going to be honest and tell you about all their other online targets?
• Do they tell you your age, waistline or physical/ mental illness is of 'no consequence' because it is "obvious you are beautiful on the inside"?

One of the most priceless lines we ever heard was "We have been more intimate online than we ever could be in person." Answer? Cyberpaths sometimes can't have sex with a normal woman. They are so used to looking at porn babes & hookers or masturbating (having sex with themselves) they are unable to perform in normal circumstances. At least not with any regularity. So, they dump you while trying to appear ethical about it.
(Sheesh if you are going to dump & devalue someone - be STRAIGHT WITH THEM!)

20-MIX PLEASURE WITH PAIN
The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup, subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

O.K. heard any of THESE lines? (designed for YOU to leave them so they can play martyr with the next victim)

• "If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore" or "if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"
• Are they pulling away and trying to make it seem like your idea or they are doing you a favor?
• Have they spent time online with you waxing poetic about a past girl/boyfriend as if that person was the Holy Grail or 'the one that got away'; And you feel like chopped liver after listening to that 'confession'?
• Or was your online fun interrupted by reality and that person said "my partner found out" and disappeared, blocking you & your emails?
• Or that "its best we don't talk for a while" and IF and when they return they "missed you so much."
• Do they seem to play come-to-me-go-away? As if they can't 'make up their minds to be with you?
• Have you tried to cut it off only to have them email you or people you both know BEGGING you to talk to them again?

21-GIVE THEM SPACE TO FALL: THE PURSUER IS PURSUED

If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. The goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced.

Did they tell you its more fun when YOU are the aggressor now? Or that the online thing was getting tedious? If there was cybersex did they tell you they want REAL? Did they suggest you are throwing yourself at them? Remember WHO started the relationship!

22-USE PHYSICAL LURES
Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust. Lead them into the moment-an intensified present in which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body succumbs to pleasure.

"This is so wrong but so right!" or
"I just can't do this - it would hurt you/ both of us/ our families" or
"I didn't mean for it to get this way - even though I want you."
Haul out the puke bucket when they start with that stuff!

23-MASTER THE ART OF THE BOLD MOVE
A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

Heard this or something like it? - "this is so hard for me to say but I think I love you" or "I have fallen in love with you" or "I can't go another day without you". Sorry, you can't LOVE someone you have NEVER MET IN PERSON. Don't buy it. You can 'love' the image they are presenting or the attention they are giving you - but until you meet IN PERSON and spend some time together, meet their families, see how they interact with the public for a few months (not time in bed) will you know if this is someone you can really LOVE or if its just the lust of the lonely.

24-BEWARE THE AFTER-EFFECTS

Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell you have created. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.

The psychological harm caused when predators just abandon their targets is filling many psychologist's offices these days. Many therapists are clueless how to truly help these people heal, as relationships with pathologicals are different and the victims must be deprogrammed.

There is no closure with these psychopaths. They beg for you to "let them start a new life" or "I am sorry I hurt you but I have to go." Some even pretend to be someone else and send you a 'So & So Died' email. Don't buy it!

Rather than owning and dealing with what they have done to you and everyone around both of you - they withdraw and try to erase what occurred between you as if it never happened.

You may even be slandered by the predator who tells people you are harassing them when you are looking for closure. Don't expect closure.

A real person would apologize and possibly work to reframe the whole relationship, bringing normalcy and light into it. The relationship might then end on its own or become what it should have been all along.

But don't hold your breath. Online psychopaths rarely do that. They almost never allow their targets to vent their rage and confusion. They simply run and start over.

Some even try to reinvent themselves as normal humans and make contrition to their immediately families until things get comfortable enough for them to do it again.

Expose these people for what they are so they don't harm others. Don't stoop to their level of lies & defamation - just tell the truth and back it up.

And if you really still care about them? Expose them so they stop harming THEMSELVES as well.

APPENDIX A:
SEDUCTIVE ENVIRONMENTS/ SEDUCTIVE TIME
In seduction, your victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under your influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a different person. Certain places, environments, and experiences will greatly aid you in your quest to change and transform the seduced. Spaces with a theatrical, heightened quality-opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect-memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. You must make your victims feel that being with you gives them a different experience from being in the real world.

This is so easy to do online!! People already have dissociative states when online and feel "melded" to their computers. They want the fantasy or at least the escape from everyday pain they aren't getting. Online gaming rooms, chats, and so on give people freedom to be "anyone you want them to be." The internet is great but relationships are for real life! If this person refuses to introduce you to their friends or even meet you within 6 weeks of chatting with you? Say goodbye. And the MINUTE you see a red flag - back off. This isn't the love of your life - its the lure of the predator!

CROSS POSTED HERE

The Pick-Up Artist

Readers - this type of guy can work his game ONLINE probably even EASIER than off. Here's proof that these predators THINK OF THEIR PREY AS OBJECTS and are non-cureable. BEWARE!


BY Alex Molotkow
In the summer of 2004, a newly single professional in his early forties wanted to sleep with as many women as possible. Sex being above all other considerations — time, money, shame — he took on the persona “Dimitri the Lover” and drafted a general sexual proposition for any “attractive, intelligent woman” who happened to read it. He printed a few thousand posters and hired a postering company. Together they placed them all over the city, from family-oriented neighbourhoods like the Beaches (where mothers’ groups ripped them down en masse) to York University campus (which alerted the police).

“I got dozens of responses. Dozens. And f**ked maybe 20 women, something like that. Not a lot,” Dimitri tells me. Of course, most people who saw the poster thought it was a joke. I did, until Dimitri hit on me in Starbucks two years later. I was taken aback, mostly because of the way he looked: tall and broad-shouldered, with dark, gelled-back hair. A stranger on the street might nickname him “Dimitri the Lover” as a joke.

Dimitri can spit out romantic hyperbole like a seasoned Don Juan, but his rants are reminiscent of Screw magazine’s Al Goldstein. His speeches, however eloquent, often spin off their axes and turn into wildly offensive tirades. He says he means no harm, though this might not be obvious to those who read his posters. Lately, he’s been posting ads for a community called Toronto Real Men. In early March, a notice for a meeting (“905 Keeps Your C**k Alive”) at Rancho Relaxo offended one person so much that they alerted the Toronto Women’s Bookstore. The store called the venue, which cancelled the event post-haste. “It just seemed like a joke when I saw it — I was shocked by it, but I didn’t think it was this serious thing,” says Rose Kazi, a Toronto Women’s Bookstore employee. “

That’s part of the reason why I went to Rancho — this might be a joke, but just so you know as a business, your name is on it.” On his website, www.dimitrithelover.com, Dimitri referred to the complainants as “bitter, moustached, man-hating, femi-nazi c*nts from socially regressive, evolutionarily non-sequitur organizations.”

With Toronto Real Men, Dimitri has joined the “seduction community,” the vast network of dating gurus and “pickup artists” (PUAs) popularized by Neil Strauss’ 2005 book, The Game. According to Frank B. Kermit of www.franktalks.com, a Toronto-based seduction guru who specializes in relationship management, the movement began in the early ’90s, as a newsgroup dedicated to the convoluted techniques taught by Ross Jeffries (Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia is said to be based on him). Some of the men immersed in the seduction lifestyle seem to be engaged in a real-life role-playing game, where PUAs like “Swinggcat,” “Mehow” and “Juggler” vie for experience points. Others are just lonely with little confidence.

“Most of these people are just guys looking for some guidance where their parents or society in general couldn’t give it to them,” says Miso G., proprietor of www.naturalseducers.com, a company that offers weekend training programs for men at $1,200 to $1,500 a pop, and a moderator at Toronto Phoenix Society, an online forum for men. “[Guys] would never ask for advice on topics like these as freely as girls would.”

As with any self-help movement, there are plenty of hacks eager to capitalize on the downtrodden. There are also community organizations where nobody pays a thing.

“Think of it as alcoholics anonymous,” says Kermit, who has run “lairs” — free forums for men — in Toronto and elsewhere. Seduction groups have existed in Toronto for several years, but the movement remained obscure until Strauss’ book. Kermit’s Toronto Lair formed to absorb members from another group, the Toronto Social Network, which split in two (the other half being Toronto Phoenix Society) due to questionable leadership practices, including charging for mandatory seminars. Dimitri charges for Toronto Real Men, though he emphasizes that he doesn’t need the money. “They don’t get something for nothing,” he told me. “$250 a year, you’re a member. One meeting a month. I’m going to be offering courses to men on how to get f**ked, fast.”

Dimitri was born in Toronto in the early 1960s. He had a rough upbringing:

“My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was just a borderline manic, histrionic, dramatic woman, and I did not grow up really understanding what love was.” A nerdy overachiever in high school, he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 20. He became a physician, but lost his licence after pleading guilty to charges of sexual impropriety during house calls. His lawyers pressured him into the decision, he says. “I asked [one patient] out on a date, and we chatted a bit, I said give me a call sometime, gave her a goodbye hug. That was it.”

Two more women came forward with similar stories after reading about him in the newspaper, he continues, and one recalled that he had “spent too much time in the bathroom.”

“At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients.”

In the aftermath, Dimitri says, he lost everything he owned and spent half a year on welfare. His sex drive remained intact, however, and without money for dates he became more direct with women. He credits the experience for ridding him of all regard for social norms. It also embittered him against what he considers to be feminist alarmism.

“[Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against society, and what they’ve turned men into. I should never have gotten in trouble for what happened. I should have maybe gotten a slap on the wrist… [Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against feminism, and really feminism is what’s created a lot of this. Sexual harassment in the workplace — it’s so overblown.”

The personal coaching courses he now offers, including “Women Worship You” and “Worship the C**k,” are intended to help men assert their masculinity.

Dimitri claims to live by principles, though it’s difficult to distinguish them amid his inflammatory digressions. He’s honest about his intentions, and he speaks earnestly when not caught up in showmanship. Whatever he does with women, he insists that he always does it consensually. The many conquests he claims certainly make him a desirable seduction guru: he says he’s slept with 400 to 500 women, a modest figure given his compulsion for hitting on every halfway attractive woman he sees. When I went “cruising” with him around the St. Lawrence area, I watched him pick up several pretty girls with rapid efficiency. I also saw him weather several cold rejections, which he attributed alternately to ethnicity, “Paul Bernardo Syndrome” and confusion. He had a remarkable knack for determining who would be receptive to him. When they weren’t, he assumed they had been abused by another man. “If a woman doesn’t trust me, usually she’s a nut job,” he once told me.

Some feel as though Dimitri goes too far, online and elsewhere. “I do not associate with Dimitri the Lover,” Kermit says. “I had no idea the guy was as misogynistic as he is. [He’s] very charming and very entertaining… [but] I will not endorse people who promote the idea of violence, even as a joke.”


For a feminist, it’s difficult to respond to somebody whose MO is feminist-baiting. “If you want to have a party with straight men talking about how to get girls, you know, that’s fucked up, but I’m not going to stop you,” says Kazi of Toronto Women’s Bookstore. “But [Dimitri’s ad] was just disturbing. I don’t know — maybe he should just change his marketing angle.” Kazi and Alex MacFadyen, another bookstore employee, laugh it off. “We’re very sex-positive, so that’s not the problem,” MacFadyen comments.

“I encourage him to come in! And, you know, get a book,” says Kazi.
What would they recommend?

“What about C**t?” Kazi suggests.

MacFadyen howls. “The Ethical Slut!”

ORIGINAL


MORE:
Pick Up Artists or F**ked up Men?

The "Seduction" Community

A Whole Online Group for How-To

The Modus Operandi of the Emotional Blackmailer

He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you.

He'll be there more and more frequently -gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them. All of this is meaningless talk.

He uses the same lines on every woman.

He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - You have become nothing but his prop. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the bastard
The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he has the new person in his "thrall" and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - his purpose is to have many women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer
Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, emotional support, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.

He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted, found out, exposed or denied what he wants. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.

How to extricate yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer
One way out is to cut off all contact. Even email mayl put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.

Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped. If you catch him? He will accuse YOU of stalking HIM!

Turning the Tables
Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

* Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.
* Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration.

* Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life.

*****************************

A Final Note:
Healthy, non-manipulative men:

* Don't beg (or lie)* Don't tell you that you're "the best" or "the only one"

* Don't use the lines "if you really love me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me" or "I need help to get through this time so could you send me some photos, etc"...

* Don't put down their former girlfriends or wives, even mildly; and don't accuse women of being "scorned"

* Respect your right to have other online friends

* Share all their information with you: address, phone numbers, job, etc.

They don't mind if you double check on them for your own safety!


(this article was written in the male gender, your cyberpath may be female - EOPC)



original article found here

Online Predators, Cybersex and Covert Seduction

We are reposting this as it applies to many of our predators. (see list on left of our previous cyberpath stories)

It is time for this site to post some information about the sex addicts online. Many cyberpaths are also sex addicts. Oh, they won't seem like perverts up front. (we have used the male gender. your cyberpath could be female)

They will convince you they are nice guys, lonely guys, misunderstood, needy; that they "LOVE" you (even though they have NEVER met you), that they are religious or spiritual (see article: Lures of the Online Predator; on this site) and then slowly they ask you to 'turn on your webcam,''send me some pictures of your body parts or you naked,"''send me some underwear/ a lock of your hair" and a variety of requests that by the time they make them (i.e. - by the time they have controlled your mind to think only the best of them and to ignore red flags) - seem very innocent and even romantic - but in reality? should send you RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS POSSIBLE.It is a slow & insidious process of brainwashing and manipulation - so wake up and stay safe. - EOPC
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Warning Signs of Cybersexual Addiction: 

Routinely spending significant amounts of time in chat rooms and private messaging with the sole purpose of finding cybersex.

Feeling preoccupied with using the Internet to find on-line sexual partners.

Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies not typically carried out in real-life. (some do turn to escorts/ prostitutes - using online booking & hooker review boards to find real-time sex - some look at reunion sites to find victims and recycle them.)

Anticipating your next on-line session with the expectation that you will find sexual arousal or gratification.

Finding that you frequently move from cybersex to phone sex (or even real-life meetings).

Hiding your on-line interactions from your significant other. (Dunetz/Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead and John Gash fit this model)

Feeling guilt or shame from your on-line use.

Accidentally being aroused by cybersex at first, and now find that you actively seek it out when you log on-line.

Masturbating while on-line while engaged in erotic or suggestive chat. ( please read the links here: Ed Hicks, Dunetz/ Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby and Doug Beckstead fit this model)

Less investment with your real-life sexual partner only to prefer cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification.

Sex addicts often turn to the Internet as a new and "safe" sexual outlet to fulfill their compulsions without the expense of costly 900-lines, the fear of being seen at an adult bookstore, or the fear of disease among prostitutes.

Victims are often left with Persistant Sexual Arousal from the brainwashing & NLP Triggers!

~~~~

Understanding what makes Cybersex & Online Love addictive.
Sexual compulsivity over the Internet is not just a result of deviant individuals engaged in acting out, but with remarkable speed, the mental health field has witnessed those with no prior criminal or psychiatric history engaged in such behavior online.

The Model of Cybersexual Addiction is used to explain how the Internet creates a cultural climate of permissiveness that actually serves to encourage and validate sexually deviant behavior.

The Model examines the Anonymity of online interactions that serves to increase the likelihood of the behavior, the Convenience of email and chat rooms making it easily available to users, and finally, the Escape from mental tension derived from the experience which serves to reinforce the behavior leading to compulsivity.

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Excerpted from an article by By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS

Healthy romantic love is a unique experience which can encourage bonding, intimacy and the opportunity to play and explore with that special new person.

Romance, with or without sex, encourages personal growth as each new relationship forces new insights and self knowledge. The beginning stages of a potential love relationship can be intense and exciting. Most people easily relate to that "rush" of first love and romance; the stuff of songs, endless greeting cards and warm memories. Healthy intimacy, however, is characterized by more than romance, intensity and sex. Intimacy evolves over time. Loving relationships develop partially through utilizing those first exhilarating times to begin to build a bridge toward deeper, longer term closeness.
 
It can be difficult for anyone who is not a love or sex addict to understand how love or sexuality can be exploited or evolve into destructive patterns of addiction and compulsion. Yet for the love and sex addict, romantic love, sexuality and the closeness they offer, are experiences most often filled with pitfalls, anxiety and pain. Living in a sometimes chaotic emotional world of desperation and despair, fearful of being alone or rejected, the love addict endlessly longs for that "special" relationship.
 
Caught up in the constant search for a partner, the addict's endless intrigue, flirtations, sexual liaisons and affairs, leave a path of destruction and negative consequences in their wake of his or her behavior. Ironically, the love or relationship usually has few options to resolve these painful circumstances except by engaging in even more searching, creating an escalating cycle of desperation and loss. Just when seemingly "safe" in the rush of a new romantic affair or liaison the troubled Love or Sex Addict grows steadily more unhappy, fearful and bored and ends up pushing their partner away or looking outside the relationship for yet another new intensity or "love" experience.
 
Thus the cycle begins anew.

Unlike the healthy person seeking partnership and sex as a complement to their life, the love and sex addict searches for something outside of themselves (a person, relationship or experience) which will provide them with the emotional and life stability that they themselves lack. Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic, love and sex addicts use their arousing romantic/ sexual experiences in an attempt to "fix" themselves and remain emotionally stable.

When love and sexuality are used as a way to cope, rather than a way to grow and share, partner choice becomes skewed. Compatibility becomes based on "whether or not you will leave me", "how intense our sex life is" or "how I can hook you into staying", rather than on whether you might truly become a peer, friend and companion.
 
Addictive relationships are characterized over time by unhealthy dependency, guilt and abuse. Love and sex addicts will use seduction, control, guilt and manipulation to attract and hold onto romantic partners. At times, despairing of this cycle of unhappy affairs, broken relationships and sexual liaisons, some love or sex addicts may have "swearing off" periods (like the bulimic/anorexic cycles of overeaters). The addict believes that just "not being in the game" will solve the problem; only to later find the same issues reappearing when they re-engage in any type of potential intimacy.
 
Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include: 
Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other (trolling online for new partners or having a bunch of them going at the same time)

An inability or difficulty in being alone

Consistently choosing partners who are married, attached, emotionally (or logistically) unavailable

Using sex, seduction and drama/ intrigue to "hook" onto a partner

Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions

Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship

When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone

Avoiding sex and sexual acting out (being online, seeing prostitutes, etc) for long periods of time to "solve the problem"

Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others (returning to spouse, significant other after a horrible period of acting out and swearing you will change/get help, etc)

Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love

Not everyone who has engaged in one or two of the above has an addiction problem, many people may have their judgment skewed by a difficult person or situation from time to time in their lives. However, when these situations become the norm, lived over and over again in some form or another, the diagnosis can be made. Love and sex addicts who are not in recovery, like any addict, do not learn from their consequences and mistakes. It is only when the pain of these behaviors and situations becomes greater than the pain and challenges of creating change, that recovery begins.

(Love & Sex Addiction doesn't seem like much at first, can be FACILITATED by the internet and will lead the cyberpath to slowly & covertly manipulate the target in a relationship that FOR THE PREDATOR, no matter what they SAY, is about SEX ONLY.

When they are done they move on with some lie for an 'excuse', leaving the target wondering what happened!

Targets frequently have severe PTSD and PSAS from the relationship.  Trauma Counseling is needed quickly for targets. - EOPC)