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Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Modus Operandi of the Emotional Blackmailer



He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you.

He'll be there more and more frequently -gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them. All of this is meaningless talk.

He uses the same lines on every woman.


He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - You have become nothing but his prop. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the bastard
The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he has the new person in his "thrall" and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - his purpose is to have many women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer
Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, emotional support, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.

He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted, found out, exposed or denied what he wants. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.


How to extricate yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer
One way out is to cut off all contact. Even email mayl put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.

Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped. If you catch him? He will accuse YOU of stalking HIM!

Turning the Tables
Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

* Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.
* Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration.

* Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life.

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A Final Note:

Healthy, non-manipulative men:

* Don't beg (or lie)* Don't tell you that you're "the best" or "the only one"

* Don't use the lines "if you really love me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me" or "I need help to get through this time so could you send me some photos, etc"...


* Don't put down their former girlfriends or wives, even mildly; and don't accuse women of being "scorned"

* Respect your right to have other online friends

* Share all their information with you: address, phone numbers, job, etc.

They don't mind if you double check on them for your own safety!


(this article was written in the male gender, your cyberpath may be female - EOPC)



original article found here




3 comments:

Archana Shekar said...

We can avoid such stupid fellow to come near. We should not entertain these people we have to be very careful and better not to have contact with them anymore even if they feel bad.

Archana Shekar
online safety advisor-www.8falcons.com

Anonymous said...

I do come across such person in chat rooms. They are very nice, and they allways ask u questions like if you are chating with others?. How many ppl u have in your friends list?. They ar male or female?. THe moment u are online, they will pop up and start chating with you. Even if u say u are busy they will ask that u chat with them. They will also ask when the next time you would be available for chat?. Yes, they will say that you are the only one that giving a good chat. (trying to impress). They would also try to find out if parents know about our chating habits, if you are married, they would want to know if your spouse knows you chat with strangers. Finaly, if you refuse, to provide answers to the above clearly or give answers that is confusing for him/her, you can notice they will chat other general things, and sundenly they will repeat the questions that they fail to get an answer. I maybe wrong, but i think these are some of the signs the person we are chating with is up to no good. They will also have a strange habit of asking if you lie?. They will say to only speak the truth. They will also leave an ofline message if they dont hear from you for just one day!, forcing us to keep in touch constantly. I think these are all subtle things that one should be aware when chating with starngers. And yes, they will sound very nice to gain your trust.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. You really nailed it. Reminded me of my ex. Never again. I especially loved your description of healthy, non-manipulative men - They don't put down former girlfriends, wives and don't accuse women of being "scorned" which was how the bum described every woman he'd been with! Well-done!