Thursday, May 24, 2012

Definitions of a "Player"


There are many different (and overlapping) types, but if any of these sound familiar to you, "red flag" them.

Married - The most common type of Player is without doubt the "married" one, but who never tells you he is married. "red flags" to look for - won't give you his home phone number only his mobile, won't give you his address, or can only chat to you during the day ("red flag") is talking to you from work rather than from home.

Married, but - 'wife neglects me, no sex life left' , etc. "red flag" in most cases the only type of relationship you will have will be a "dead end" one full of lies.

Mr. Blowhard - definitely a "red flag" - all he wants is an audience to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery, or he has a promising career, brilliant future etc., but all snatched away from him due to an accident or serious injury. He needs your sympathy, and when you get tired of listening, he'll just move on to find a new audience.

Hit & Run Player - another "red flag" usually the younger guys just practicing or fine tuning their chat up lines. You will probably receive love poems, links to the most romantic places on the net etc. Very easy to believe they really love only YOU.

Body Surfers - These guys are easy to spot. The broach the subject of sex early in the relationship. - They are only looking for sex … phone sex, cyber sex, pictures, videos or real sex.

The Globe Trotter - Single/married players who travel for a living. They usually have a laptop as well as access to computer at home/work. They are looking to find women who live "on their appointed rounds" (easy to find doing an advanced search of profiles). Some of these guys go so far as to "say" they have big jobs like working for a millionaire or celebrity, they are in the FBI or CIA, etc. They then IM or e-mail you saying they are intrigued by your profile etc., and how much in common you seem to have. After they have you chatting a few times amazingly they will happen to be in your area next week and could they come and see you. Once hooked they can add you to their visiting list (saves spending lonely nights in an hotel!!).

Mr. Big - They usually own their own business (they use that as "bait" which we are meant to translate as "I'm a good catch". Or they may let it slip early in the relationship that they own their own business, or they claim to be a lawyer, a doctor or other highly-paid professional. Now think about it. The same as us women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets so this man needs a "red flag" too. Can you really believe that a real Professional man would have the time to hang around in chat rooms.

The Sympathy Dog - He gives you a long sob story and then everyday there is a new crisis in his life. All he wants from you are daily "pity parties" - just don't fall for it.

Then we get onto the more serious Players, the real Con men who can cause you enormous emotional distress, harassment and stalking:

The Control Freak - He will also have a sob story and use your sympathy to manipulate you to get his own way. Stories you might hear - has a bad heart condition, or needs a kidney transplant, has cancer but it's in remission. These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" .. whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur: you added to his depression and he's feeling suicidal, he starts getting chest pains, he has to go on dialysis, the cancer comes out of remission. Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.

The Guilt Trip Player - If you don't fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on, then he will throw a temper tantrum. You will probably receive an e-mail from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you of course. Then this friend/relative will keep contact with you for weeks to come with details of the funeral and how devastated the family is etc. Or you will be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying (and you are supposed to feel very guilty about how you treated him. (Shame on you! LOL)

The Freeloaders - This type of player is looking for financial support. He will woo you and then suggest something like "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends, but I am prepared to move nearer to you." "Could I stay with you for a bit to check out the housing situation/job situation etc.". Big "red flag" comes to stay with you, has no money, alcoholic, drug addict says he'll change if you will just stick by him, help him out for a bit financially. Once in your home - you will have a real job to get him out again.

The Cyberpaths (Online Sociopaths) - These are the worse of the bunch... This type always looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women, widows, newly divorced, women recovering from a recent heartbreak etc. They lurk, using different screen names, in the widows, classmates.com, divorced, Al-Anon or mature chat rooms (40's, 50's 60's) They start out romancing you like a player does, but it's for an ulterior motive; they become obsessive and then they become the online harasser, the stalker... or worse.

Also a Cyberpath, the Emotional Hitchhiker - They generally look for their "sheep" in rooms that involve emotional support -- widows & widowers, divorced, disabled, abused etc. (really sensitive & vulnerable people). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has also been widowed or divorced and is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two different screen names (pretending to be two different people) - one who is a man falling in love with you: the other, a man who just wants your friendship. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their own death. You will receive an e-mail from a family member or friend informing you he: died in a car accident, sudden heart attack etc. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear first hand of your reaction: hear all you grief and complete devastation, getting a complete "high" from your emotions. OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal - of course and drag it out for six months or se, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their "very painful" death.


Anonymous said...

O.K....I am a man in a marriage with child, home, job, etc... My wife is not interested in sex and I still am. We do not sleep together since my child sleeps with her for the past 24 months. Does it make me a playa fi I am looking for communication that I am not getting at home? Mind what I said, communication not sex. She rather sit around with her sisters or go out with her "Girl Group". It has came back to me that she can "take it or leve it" when it come to intimacy. I do not go out looking for sex, nor anything else. I just wwant to get some female conversation...is that wrong? My wife and I do not talk about much so I need something.

Fighter said...

yes you do need something: COUNSELING. You don't talk to your wife but you are online looking for fun? What is WRONG with that picture. Yes - anything that takes you AWAY from your marriage or primary relationship to hang out (even online) with other women? Is WRONG? Would you let your wife sit next to you and watch these chats you have? if not - you need help and NOT from someone online. You have a child - time to be a father or get out of the marriage amicably.

Anonymous said...

Agrees with 'Fighter'. Anonymous you need to open the communication doors with your wife. If she refuses to go to counseling or discuss the issues further with you, then you need to re-think your situation and perhaps look at leaving the marriage in the correct manner. Communication is vital in any marriage. Think of the effect this will have long term and the damage it will inflict upon your child. There is a lot at stake.

Going online looking for further communication always takes a sinister turn. No matter how well your intensions start out, there are just too many risk factors. It's just not worth the grief and the serious problems that you will incur down the line.

Talk to your wife. Bring back some romance, organize a sitter and take your wife out, surprise her.
Sometimes it just takes a little work from both parties concerned and you can have what you lost back again. Having a young child can make things difficult, it is a huge adjustment but one you can take onboard and overcome.

Good Luck.