UPDATE

AS OF JANUARY 1, 2013 - POSTING ON THIS BLOG WILL NO LONGER BE 'DAILY'. SWITCHING TO 'OCCASIONAL' POSTING.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

IS INTERNET ADDICTION REAL?

More research is being conducted to explore the way people use--and misuse--the Internet.

BY TORI DeANGELIS

If you believe what you read, "Internet addiction" is about to make us a nation of derelicts. Men drooling over online pornography, women abandoning their husbands for chat-room lovers and people losing their life savings on gambling Web sites are just a few of the stories peddled in today's press.

But despite the topic's prominence, published studies on Internet addiction are scarce. Most are surveys, marred by self-selecting samples and no control groups. The rest are theoretical papers that speculate on the philosophical aspects of Internet addiction but provide no data.

Meanwhile, many psychologists even doubt that addiction is the right term to describe what happens to people when they spend too much time online.
"It seems misleading to characterize behaviors as 'addictions' on the basis that people say they do too much of them," says Sara Kiesler, PhD, a researcher at Carnegie Mellon University and co-author of one of the only controlled studies on Internet usage, published in the September 1998 American Psychologist. "No research has yet established that there is a disorder of Internet addiction that is separable from problems such as loneliness or problem gambling, or that a passion for using the Internet is long-lasting."
But more psychologists are plunging into Internet addiction research, fascinated by its emotional, psychological and social implications. In their work, they are finding a subset of people who spend so much time online, especially in sexual encounters, that they report problems in their marriages, families and work.

In addition, researchers speculate that certain unique aspects of the Internet may lure people into trouble they might otherwise avoid.

"The Internet is unlike anything we've seen before," says David Greenfield, PhD, founder of the Center for Internet Studies. "It's a socially connecting device that's socially isolating at the same time."

Who's vulnerable?
Greenfield has conducted one of the largest surveys on the topic to date: a 1998 study of 18,000 Internet users who logged onto the ABC News Web site. He found that 5.7 percent of his sample met the criteria for compulsive Internet use. Those findings square with figures from smaller studies done by others, which range from 6 percent to 14 percent. Study participants who met Greenfield's criteria (adapted from criteria for compulsive gambling) were particularly hooked on chat rooms, pornography, online shopping and e-mail, he found. About a third said they use the Internet as a form of escape or to alter their mood on a regular basis.

In addition, the "addicted" people were far more likely to admit feelings of losing control in their dealings on the Net than "nonaddicts." Greenfield believes that the loss of control is just one indication of the potency of the psychoactive nature of the Internet. Other signs include time distortion, accelerated intimacy and decreased inhibition. For instance, 83 percent of those who fit the addiction criteria reported a loss of boundaries when they used the Net, compared to 37 percent who didn't meet the criteria.

Meanwhile, 75 percent of "addicts" said they had gained "feelings of intimacy" for someone they'd met online, compared to 38 percent of "nonaddicts." Of those who met Greenfield's criteria for Internet addiction, 62 percent said they regularly logged on to pornography sites, spending an average of four hours a week viewing the material. And 37.5 percent of that group masturbated while online, they said.
"Regardless of the technical definition of Internet addiction, there is clearly something unique and powerful going on here," Greenfield says. "The most widely affected areas seem to be marriages and relationships due to compulsive pornography, cybersex and cyberaffairs."
Chat rooms and porn sites
Many studies, including Greenfield's, also report a preponderance of male Internet addicts. In an unpublished study of 1,300 college students by Keith Anderson, PhD, of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, 91 of the 103 students who met his criteria for "Internet dependence" were male.

But other studies, including one of the first studies on Internet addiction, by Kimberly Young, PhD, find that women are addicted as often as men--just in different ways. Young, who treats people with Internet problems, is executive director of the Center for On-line Addiction (www.netaddiction.com), founded in 1995. Hers is the first behavioral health-care firm to specialize in Internet-related disorders, offering outpatient and online treatment.

Men and women "addicts" seem to prefer sites that fit behavioral stereotypes of their own gender, according to a study by Alvin Cooper, PhD, and colleagues in the March 2000 issue of Sexual Addiction and Compulsion: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. Their research--which is the only analysis to specifically focus on Internet sexuality--found that women were more likely to spend time flirting or having "cybersex" with others in sexually oriented chat rooms, while men were drawn to porn Web sites.
"Men prefer visual stimuli and more focused sexual experiences, while women are more interested in relationships and interactions," says Cooper, who is training coordinator at Stanford University's counseling and psychological services center, Cowell Student Health Center.
In a study in the May 1998 issue of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Cooper also found that more than 91 percent of Internet users spent less than 11 hours a week logging on to sexual sites. About 82 percent spent less than an hour doing so, "with very few negative repercussions," he says. (Full text of these research articles appears here.)

But men and women "addicts" who spent the most time each week online--11 hours or more--said it was their chat room behavior that most interfered with important aspects of their lives. Cooper will investigate further exactly what those problems are, such as whether online sexuality leads to sex offline, why people might go online when they're already in a sexual relationship and how such compulsion affects people's home and work lives.

The Internet also seems to invite both genders to experiment in ways they might otherwise not, Cooper finds. A full 12 percent of women in his sample of 9,265 respondents, compared with 20 percent of the men, have accessed pornography at least once. Cooper speculates that women who visit porn sites may "just be experimenting and wanting to see what the big deal is."

The available research leads psychologists to question whether those involved in cybersex have sexual addictions, or whether they otherwise wouldn't engage in illicit sexual encounters but find the Internet an easy medium in which to experiment.

Cooper labels about 17 percent of his sample "at-risk" users--people who "wouldn't otherwise have gotten involved with sexuality in a problematic way, were it not for the Internet." Certain qualities of the Internet--its accessibility, affordability and anonymity--make it more difficult to resist the temptation of online sex, Cooper believes.

But for now, this and other questions about Internet use will remain unanswered until more controlled studies are done, critics say. An article in the Feb. 4 issue of the Chronicle of Higher Education outlined what those studies should investigate. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute psychologists Joseph B. Walther, PhD, and Larry D. Reid, PhD, suggest that future research include:
* An empirical look not just at problem use, but at healthy use as well.

* More theory and research on why the Internet compared with other outlets is so attractive to some people.

* More study of which comes first, Internet "addiction" or previous mental health or social problems.
It's also important to examine whether people's Internet use ebbs and flows over time and why, Kiesler and colleagues note.

Tori DeAngelis is a writer in Syracuse, N.Y.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Lori Drew - Finally Indicted in MySpace Suicide Case

As we said back when this case came to public light, Lori Drew broke a lot of laws. We will never understand why the prosecutor in her area gave her a pass. He should be investigated too.

Megan Meier (left)/ Ashley Grills (right)

But now, Mrs. Drew's chickens have come home to roost. Ashley Grills, the girl Drew tried to blame Megan Meier's suicide on -- came clean about Drew's involvement and now the U.S. District Attorney, Thomas O'Brien has filed an indictment against Drew.

We can only pray that Drew gets the jail time for her immature & malicious intentions towards poor Megan Meier.

This case will set a precedent for those who wish to pursue charges against their predators for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. Predator often do the same things Mrs. Drew did - use false identities, lure vulnerable persons into online relationships, smear them, bully them and discard them - leaving adult victims with serious PTSD and other problems. In our opinion, Megan Meier was a young girl who deserved a lot better than being set up and yes -- pushed to suicide by a remorseless person like Lori Drew.

REMEMBER: The Courts & Prosecutors INITIALLY said "THERE WAS NO CASE." But Tina Meier (Megan's mother) and people like us - the bloggers, who the press tried to smear as a "cybermob," kept after this case.

Victims - NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP PURSUING JUSTICE!!!!!!!


United States Attorney Thomas P. O'Brien

Central District of California

_____________________________________
MISSOURI WOMAN INDICTED ON CHARGES OF USING MYSPACE TO 'CYBER-BULLY' 13-YEAR-OLD WHO LATER COMMITTED SUICIDE


LOS ANGELES – A Missouri woman was indicted today on federal charges for fraudulently using an account on the social networking Web site MySpace, U.S. Attorney for the Central District of California Thomas P. O'Brien announced today. The woman posed as a teenage boy who feigned romantic interest in a 13 year-old girl, who later committed suicide after the "boy" spurned her and told her, among other things, that the world would be a better place without her.


Lori Drew, 49, of O'Fallon, Mo., was named in a four-count indictment returned this morning by a federal grand jury. The indictment charges one count of conspiracy and three counts of accessing protected computers without authorization to obtain information to inflict emotional distress on the girl who, because of juvenile privacy rules, is referred to in the indictment only as M.T.M.

The indictment alleges that Drew, along with others, registered as a member of MySpace under the name "Josh Evans." Drew and her co-conspirators then used the Josh Evans account to contact M.T.M. and began what the girl believed was an on-line romance with a 16-year-old boy. In taking those actions, the indictment alleges, Drew and her co-conspirators violated MySpace's terms of service that prohibit users from, among other things, using fraudulent registration information, using accounts to obtain personal information about juvenile members, and using the MySpace communication services to harass, abuse or harm other members.

After approximately four weeks of flirtatious communications between "Josh Evans" and M.T.M., Drew and her co-conspirators broke off the relationship. Within an hour, M.T.M. had hanged herself in her room. She died the next day.

"This adult woman allegedly used the Internet to target a young teenage girl, with horrendous ramifications," said U.S. Attorney Thomas P. O'Brien. "After a thorough investigation, we have charged Ms. Drew with criminally accessing MySpace and violating rules established to protect young, vulnerable people.
Any adult who uses the Internet or a social gathering Web site to bully or harass another person, particularly a young teenage girl, needs to realize that their actions can have serious consequences."
To become a member of MySpace, individuals are required to submit registration information – including name and date of birth – and have to agree to certain terms of service that regulate their use of the Web site. Among other things, MySpace terms of service require prospective members to provide truthful and accurate registration information; to refrain from using any information obtained from MySpace services to harass, abuse or harm other people; to refrain from soliciting personal information from anyone under 18; to refrain from promoting information that they know is false or misleading; and to refrain from posting photographs of other people without their consent. The indictment alleges that Drew and her co-conspirators violated all of those provisions.

"Whether we characterize this tragic case as 'cyber-bullying,' cyber abuse or illegal computer access, it should serve as a reminder that our children use the Internet for social interaction and that technology has altered the way they conduct their daily activities," said Salvador Hernandez, Assistant Director in Charge of the FBI in Los Angeles. "As adults, we must be sensitive to the potential dangers posed by the use of the Internet by our children."

The conspiracy count carries a maximum statutory penalty of five years in federal prison. Each count of accessing protected computers, each of which alleges that the access was for the purpose of intentionally inflicting emotional distress on M.T.M., carries a maximum possible penalty of five years in prison.

An indictment contains allegations that a defendant has committed a crime. Every defendant is presumed to be innocent unless and until proven guilty.

Drew will be summoned to appear for an arraignment in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles in June.

This case was investigated by special agents with the FBI in St. Louis and Los Angeles.

Our deep thanks to Denise Marhoefer of the Defense Foundation for Children USA for her help and sending us this information.

CLICK HERE TO DISCUSS THE MEGAN MEIER CASE

RELATED POSTS:

WEB HOAX LED GIRL TO KILL HERSELF

MYSPACE HOAX VICTIMS' FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE


PUBLIC OUTCRY ON THE MEGAN MEIER CASE

A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHY EOPC RUNS THIS SITE

EOPC ATTACKED ON TV OVER MEGAN MEIER CASE

JUSTICE FOR MEGAN MEIER

SUPPORT FOR OUR STAND ON THE MEGAN MEIER CASE

MEDIA PEES ON MEGAN AND TELLS BLOGGERS ITS RAIN

THE MEGAN MEIER CASE

NO APOLOGY, EVEN IN DEATH, FROM MEGAN'S 'MURDERER'

LORI DREW: PREDATOR OR INTERNET MARTYR?

LORI DREW: HAPPY; MEGAN MEIER: DEAD

MYSPACE SUICIDE CASE: NOT OVER

MYSPACE SUICIDE CASE - SOME TRUTH AT LAST

Friday, May 02, 2008

FORGIVENESS & MAKING AMENDS



Responsibility and Making Amends in Recovery

(In light of the habit (lie) of cyberpaths to swear that they have 'changed', are 'sorry' or 'didn't mean it that way' or are 'trying to start a new life' - EOPC want sto present a radical idea.

IFyou want to stay friends or in contact with the person you preyed on and make it right? You could avoid a lot of the exposure, anger and blaming ("they are obsessed with me,""that never happened","it's all a lie", etc - don't go there, we KNOW you're lying...)

Cyberpaths - if you really want to change, here's what to do - Fighter) :


Responsibility is the cornerstone of recovery. We may feel guilty about the ways we've acted and about those we've hurt. This is part of recovery; it is part of having a conscience. In recovery, we learn to change our perspective on ourselves. Our illness can't be cured, but it can be treated if we are willing to work on it. Members of a support group who have "been there" can help in the healing process as we walk through the minefield of our shame.

In recovery, we learn to monitor our actions, and when we act in negative ways we do not become shameful and defensive; instead, we admit our mistakes and make amend for them. Making amends does not just mean saying we're sorry. It means recognizing and thinking through our behavior:
Because of how I acted, there is an inequality in our relationship. Now I need to find out from you what is needed for the relationship to become equal again.
For a person who, during his addiction (predatory internet encounters), continually lied, making amends would not mean saying, "I'm sorry for blowing up at you." It would include admitting to his spouse what he has done, recounting a specific incident, and then saying, "I know this caused you great pain and frustration. What do you need from me to make up for this?" If her request is within his realistic limits, he would act to make restitution to her. By making amends, he owns precisely what he did and commits himself to a change in his behavior.

By claiming responsibility for our actions, we may win back some of the relationships we lost through our addiction. We are all human and we all act foolishly from time to time, but shame is a distortion of reality that makes it impossible for us to make amends. In recovery, we learn how to see ourselves realistically, as human beings.

from: The Addictive Personality, by Craig Nakken, MSW, CCDDP, LCSW, LMFT

RECOVERY & AMENDS TAKES TIME!! Not just a simple I'm sorry email.

You face the person IN PERSON if possible, and start an ongoing dialogue to heal both them and yourselves.

If you have had an 'online affair' you find a way to be accountable to your spouse while dealing with the other person rather than just abruptly breaking it off (all too convenient for the cyberpath and confusing & painful for their victim(s) In this EOPC disagrees with therapists who say to break it off or avoid the other person! Most therapists do NOT 'Get it' about relationships with pathologicals - online or off ) or finding an excuse to continue the affair.

While this goes against current thinking for cyber-relationships ("break it off immediately") it could be a gentler, more effective and radical approach to total accountability and healing in all parties.

We fully recognize in cases of fraud, divorce or assault - this may not be appropriate.

This excerpt used the male term(s), your cyberpath may well be female. - Fighter

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Our First Ever Cyberpath, Serial Bigamist & Ex-Con Back At It!

Cross-Posted as a courtesy to our good friends at FightBigamy:
Photobucket

Former jailbird and convicted serial bigamist, alleged sociopath and Virginia state felon Charles Edward Hicks, sometimes referred to as Ed is now calling himself Charles Greene. Mr. Hicks or Greene or whoever he is now got the longest sentence ever in the state of Virginia for bigamy.

This Charles Greene also has a new email address: e111h444@yahoo.com. (probably more!) I am surprised Charles Greene can remember that one, since he is 64, but he will tell you some younger birth year. I imagine the "e" stands for Ed and the "h" for Hicks; I don't know where the ones come from but 444 could mean his birth year that he always lies about.The real year is 1944.
  • He is still telling the same lie about owning property in the Bahamas. He doesn't own squat.
  • He is back trolling the online dating sites probably using his "in love with love" line.
  • At one time he lived in the back of his van and used a kitty litter box for a bathroom. He rigged up lights and put insulation around the van for warmth.
  • His van was parked along a street in Alexandria, VA until he found a woman in North Carolina who took him in and hit her up for $500.00 a month. (prior to his arrest)
He is a piece of work, and if he gets near you RUN!

Read everything you can under "Ed Hicks News" and "Ed Hicks Missives" on Fight Bigamy to familiarize yourself with this predator.

Also See a report on Dating Psychos, search under "Hicks" and look at the one without the photograph; read the one with the photograph as well. Hicks has 2 profiles at Dating Psychos! from 2 different women)

Read another comment below from Players & Psychos.com.
Comment from another victim:
He never stops.

He's back online using the name "CHARLES GREENE" - talks about his land in the Bahamas (doesn't own jack), he's an ace sailor (not), he's retired from the gov't (he was FIRED and disgraced after being sentenced for bigamy!), people are telling 'nasty stories' about him (sure... NOT!) and he's got a new yahoo address.
Photobucket
Beware ladies - don't let this charmer in your door
For pictures and more information CLICK HERE

Friday, April 18, 2008

ONE DAY WORKSHOP: Net Safety & Cyberbullying

INTERNET SAFETY AND CYBER BULLYING
SUBJECT OF DAY ONE WORKSHOP
cyber bullying button

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Day One will host a workshop on April 23 to help Internet users understand how social media Web sites such as MySpace and Facebook can be abused by sexual predators and how to employ Internet safety best practices.

“MySpace is YourSpace” will be held from 6:00-8:00 p.m. at Day One’s headquarters at 100 Medway Street in Providence, RI. In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, the workshop is free and open to the public. The program carries with it three Continuing Education Units (CEUs). There is a processing fee is $20 for those requesting CEUs.

Facebook and MySpace are immensely popular sites among adolescents and young adults. An estimated 40 million of the under-18 crowd use MySpace daily, as well as frequent chat rooms and Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channels. But so do online predators seeking to meet unsuspecting and naïve teens [and adults] in person or lure them into online sex.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children tracks thousands of cases related to Internet exploitation of children, and one in five children has received unwanted sexual advances online, according to the Department of Justice.
cyberbullying hurts

This seminar will help families understand how the social media sites work and how they can put people at risk for cyber bullying and sexual abuse.
“If a member of your household [adult or child/teen] connects to these sites, you need to know the ploys that sexual predators use to procure personal information from users,” said Peg Langhammer, executive director of Day One. “The frequency with which this happens is alarming and can be prevented with education and frank discussions with family members.”
To register for the workshop, call Sandra Malone at 401-421-4100 or smalone@dayoneri.org.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Jewish Students Beware! A Cyberpath is Targetting You

A warning has been sent to Jewish communities concerning an internet predator that specifically targets religious Jewish students.
a online predator?

The predator goes by the alias of either David Newman or David Goodman will frequently use social networking sights like Facebook to contact young Jewish men and women
Claiming to be a student from NYU, he will first “friend” students and eventually coerce them into meeting with him in person. He then physically assaults his victim.

Though most of his victims thus far have been male, there is also information that he has made similar attempts on female students.
This issue has become severe enough to garner the attention of Yeshiva University Vice President Hillel Davis who, on April 10th, sent a letter to the entire student body to warn them of this predator.

Please be alert to anyone fitting this general profile and advise students, children and friends to exercise caution while using Facebook or other online communication systems.

If you have any questions contact Assistant District Attorney Mollie Friesa at 212-335-3569.


SOURCE

Friday, April 04, 2008

Thursday, April 03, 2008

MySpace Suicide - Investigation Gets Some Truth At Last

Lori Drew DID lie. Like all predators she even got help (hired attorneys in this case) to help shore up her "belief ceiling" that she's an innocent victim who did nothing wrong. Baloney. We said it before and we'll say it again...

There still needs to be justice in this case. Glad someone other than the clowns in Missouri are doing some questioning. Lori Drew is a murderer or at least guilt of manslaughter & reckless endangerment. Do all the damage control you want - you're still a predator and guilty.

Don't worry, Megan - EOPC hasn't forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~

Take a moment to read this great post by Little Baby Ginn over at our friends at Deathby1000Papercuts:

Prosecutors in Los Angeles questioned Lori Drew’s employee, Ashley Grills, before a Grand Jury over the Megan Meier MySpace suicide case. Grills, who was 17 when Megan Meier committed suicide in October of 2006, testified that she did not act alone in setting up a fake MySpace account used to pull a hoax on the 13-year-old Megan. Grill’s testimony could begin to peel away the fake facade of innocence maintained by Lori Drew through her attorneys.

Grills, who attempted to take her own life after Megan ended hers, stated that while she was responsible for setting up the profile of the fake 16-year-old boy named “Josh Evans”, that Lori Drew and her daughter were also involved in the cruel online hoax.
lori drew
Lori Drew

Megan and her family lived just a few doors down from the Drews in a quiet suburb of St. Louis where the two girls were friends since elementary school. When the girls reached the 7th grade the relationship had become on-again, off-again, with Megan transitioning to a new school. Megan had asked her parents if she could open a MySpace account, after all, all the other kids were doing it too. Megan’s parents agreed but counseled their daughter to be careful, to be wary of the people she met online. Megan met a boy on MySpace who said his name was Josh Evans, he was 16 and he lived in her area.

Megan’s parents warned her to be careful but the online relationship with Josh seemed harmless and made Megan happy. Megan, like many girls her age, was insecure and unable to see her own unique qualities that made her special. After a period of about six weeks the relationship with Josh took a sharp turn with Josh telling Megan that “she was mean to her friends”.

On October 16th, Megan went to school with invitations to her upcoming 14th birthday party. She had picked out a new dress and when she returned home from school she asked her mother to log onto the computer so Megan could see if Josh had posted any new messages to her. Megan wanted to know why Josh had been “so mean” to her.

Tina logged on but had to leave to take her other daughter to an appointment. Before she left she could see that Megan was still upset, evidently Josh’s newest messages troubled Megan. Tina, in a hurry to get to the orthodontist’s appointment told Megan to sign off.

“I will Mom,” Megan told her. “Let me finish up.”

Tina called Megan when she reached the dentist’s office and asked Megan if she had signed off. “No, Mom,” Megan said, “they’re are all being so mean to me.” Again Tina told Megan to sign off. Fifteen minutes later Megan, crying, called her mother. “They are posting bulletins about me. Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is a fat ass.” Tina was angry at Megan for not signing off, Megan was crying hysterically.

When Tina got home she went to the basement where the family computer was set up and found Megan still online, engaged in a cyberfight, using the kind of language which shocked Tina. “I’m so aggravated at you for doing this” she told Megan. Megan, clearly upset, ran from the computer then stopped and said to her Mother, “You’re supposed to be my Mom! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Megan’s Dad, Ron, ran into Megan on the second floor landing of the Meier home. Ron grabbed Megan. He said that Megan told him that kids were saying “horrible stuff about her” and she didn’t understand why. “I told her it’s okay, I told her they obviously don’t know her and that it would be fine.”

Megan went into her bedroom while Ron went downstairs to the kitchen where he and Tina talked about Megan and the MySpace account while they made dinner. Twenty minutes later a feeling of dread overcame Tina,”I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet.

Megan was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead the next day. Ron opened up Megan’s MySpace account and saw what he thought was the final message posted by “Josh” to Megan:
“Everybody in O’Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you.”
The day after Megan died Ron and Tina made the trip down the street to the house where Megan’s old friend lived, the daughter of Lori Drew, to tell her that Megan valued their friendship. They even returned to help celebrate the girl’s father’s 50th birthday and agreed to store a foosball table in their garage for the Drews.

Six weeks later the Meier’s lives turned upside down once again when another neighbor told them to meet her at their grief counselor’s office. The Meier’s were stunned to find out that the boy Josh Evans was never real, that he was made up, not by some internet stranger, but by the mother of Megan’s friend, Lori Drew. The same family that asked the Meiers to store their foosball table in the Meiers’ garage, the same family that the Meiers had walked down to comfort the day after Megan’s death.

Lori Drew denies she was involved in the MySpace hoax. Drew has hidden behind her attorneys and claims she is innocent even though the computer used to send the fake MySpace messages was located in the Drew home. That other witnesses claim Lori Drew asked Ashley Grill to set up the fake Josh Evans so that Lori could spy on Megan and see what Megan had posted about Lori Drew’s daughter on MySpace.

Lori Drew has, through her attorneys, denied all involvement in the fake MySpace hoax and yet when she called the cops on November 25, 2006, to complain about the Meiers not giving her a chance to tell her “side” of the story she filed a police report where she admitted that she, along with Ashley Grills had set up the fake MySpace account.
Lori Drew's apology

from Police Report dated November 25, 2006

“Drew explained she wanted to “just tell them” what she did to contribute to the Meier’s daughters suicide. Drew stated in the months leading up Meier’s daughter’s suicide, she instigated and monitored a “my space” account which was created for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier’s daughter.

Drew said she, with the help of temporary employee named “Ashley,” constructed a profile of “good looking” male on “my space” in order to “find out what Megan (Meier’s daughter) was saying on on-line about her daughter. Drew explained the communication between the fake male profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan’s confidence and finding out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people. Drew stated that she, her daughter and Ashley all typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male profile and Megan.

Drew went on to say, the communication became “sexual for a thirteen year old.” Drew stated she continued with the fake male profile despite the development.” Source - Smoking Gun
Drew now claims that the police report was in error and yet she herself called the cops and filed the report. The St. Charles District Attorney declined to press any charges against Drew but now prosecutors in Los Angeles are going after Drew, trying to claim her actions in creating the fake MySpace account constituted fraud perpetrated against MySpace.

Grills should be commended for coming forward and admitting her part in the whole sordid affair which ended in a young girl hanging herself in her bedroom closet.

One of the supreme ironies was that Drew and Grill posted messages that Megan was a “fat ass” and yet the photo of Grill shows an obese 19-year-old girl while photos of Lori Drew show a frumpy overweight middle-aged woman.
Meier - Grills
Megan (left)/ Grills (right)

We find it hard to believe that Grill would have set up the MySpace account to go after Megan on her own, she was merely an employee of Drew’s. It was Drew whose daughter had a off-again, on-again friendship with Megan, it was Drew’s house where the fake Josh Evan’s MySpace account originated from, it was Drew’s husband who told everyone to “get rid” of the MySpace account after Megan died. Hopefully Lori Drew will be next to have to testify before the Los Angeles Grand Jury.

In the meantime, the trees are beginning to bud and new grass has sprouted in the quiet neighborhood in suburban St. Louis that the Meiers and Drews still call home. Several communities have enacted cyberbully laws in the aftermath of Megan’s death. Megan was buried in the new dress she had picked out for her 14th birthday party while Lori Drew has become a pariah of her own making.

SOURCE

A few more thoughts from ABC News:
When the Meiers eventually went public with their story, a firestorm erupted in the community and across the country, with Grills and the Drews right in the middle.

Grills said she began getting online messages and threats. "They would tell me to kill myself and save everybody the trouble."

The last year and a half have been difficult, Grills said. She was hospitalized after she attemped to commit suicide, and she says she hardly ever leaves her house.

ABC News contacted lawyers for Lori Drew who said they stand by their original statement: "Lori Drew did not create or direct anyone to create the Josh Evans MySpace account. Although she was aware of the account, Lori Drew never sent any messages to Megan or to anyone else using this MySpace account."

Grills said she is angry at Drew, who she once viewed as a mother figure, for making her the scapegoat.

"I have a lot of anger towards her for making me feel like crap," she said. "She had -- basically she was trying to make me feel like it was my fault and make me deal with everything."

Grills said she is speaking out now in order to get the real story out to the public.

The message she wants to get across, she said, is "that I'm not heartless. I do know what I did and I take responsibility for it every day."

SOURCE

Any of this blaming, guilt-shifting, projecting, nasty comments, no boundaries, pathological behavior sound familiar to you readers? It sure does to us!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

EOPC = "Disgusting?" or Whose Victims are More Valid?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Recently, a thoughtful member of EOPC told us about Internet Love Scams: a website with a forum for victims of internet "love scams."

Sounds great! The more the merrier!! There are all sorts of love scams. Financial, sexual, emotional. Lets get the word out.... but wait!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
When EOPC tried to post there and do some cross-linking? One of the moderators wrote us that they found EOPC "disgusting" and that we'd be banned if we posted our URL again.

Additionally, one of our members was told after she posted her story that it was 'slander' and she'd would be banned if she posted it again. The word "lawsuit" was thrown around by a couple moderators to this member/victim.
Excuse us, but EOPC has done a LOT of research and discussion with legal authorities. (Please check the left margin of this site for information on Slander & Defamation. )
This member was very aware of what slander was.

Our victims
were manipulated and deceived. Cyberpaths are traitors of the worst kind - traitors of the heart, the mind and most of all OUR TRUST!

So... HUH!? EOPC's victims seem to fit their site's title: "Internet Love Scams." But nooooo, their site was for apparently only people scammed by Nigerian Scammers or 419 scammers. Just one sort of scam. The "scams" on EOPC didn't fit the parameters of their site. Fine. However, implying one of our members/victims was slanderous and also calling this site and our content "digusting" is a bit... JUDGMENTAL?

There are many advocates out there. We applaud them all - but your victims of "love scams" are not more or less valid than ours.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

If getting out information and support for those who have been emotionally & mentally raped, cyberstalked, used and abused by a Cyberpath is "disgusting" then EOPC is GLAD to be disgusting. Our victims are NOT less valid because they didn't send money to some Nigerian or 419 scammer. Different, yes. Disgusting? We think not.

Too bad these people couldn't see the strength in working together.

Please avoid that site, members & readers.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Dan Jacoby Busted: Threats, Manipulation & Stealth Attacks

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Oops!! Shades of Gridney/ Yidwithlid - whose lunchhour fun with high-price escorts was found on a various "sexual review" sites going back to 2000 (2 years PRIOR to his finding Target #1 and 4 years prior to Target #2. ) And btw - he never stopped seeing prostitutes DURING his predation on those women.

EOPC can easily bet ole Jacoby was on the sexforums prior to, during and since preying on this Victim and other women. Women online? Are FREE PORN to a cyberpath!! NOTHING MORE!

ALL cyberpaths try to erase their tracks and Jacoby is no different -- but as EOPC knows - NOTHING ever really disappears on the internet because we found it for both of them too! Jacoby is most probably still on sexforums and/or other casual, anonymous sex sites under a new nick - just like most of them.
mrhorny
Victim, like all our victims - makes a plea for truth and clarity. Like all our victims, she hasn't yet realized or fully taken in that she's dealing with a pathological man. Truth & clarity don't exist for these predators:
From: Victim
To: Dan Jacoby

Put us both out of our misery, Danny?
Talk to me? Make things right?
Now readers, buckle-up for some major PROJECTION and MIND-F**KING by Jacoby with his "response" now that Victim has started to expose him for her own peace of mind, to save others from being further harmed by Jacoby and to TRY to make him stop & get help! Watch - and see if this is starting to look familiar readers:
Hi Victim

Would it have been so hard to talk to me six months ago? Why would I think for one second that you won't take every word I write, twist it, and recklessly post it all over the Internet? (PROJECTION!)

Have you read the things you've posted about me and wondered the effect they would have on you if it were your photo, name, and address? Do you have any idea what all that nonsense has done? (Does Jacoby have a CLUE what's he's done to this innocent, caring person? Aside from bilking her out of a few THOUSAND dollars? How he's emotionally raped her and torn her soul in half? Oh NO!!! Like Beckstead, Hicks, Dorsky - they only see THEIR pain... and that their little party is BUSTED!)

I have things that would crush you if I showed them to you, let alone every stranger on the planet. I do this Internet thing for a living, Victim. I throw nothing away and save things people think are un-savable, but I don't use them to destroy people, especially people who are already on their knees in agony. (Bull - keep reading because Jacoby isn't as ethical & moral as he wants Victim to believe - he thinks NOTHING of trying to destroy people. Just like Gridney/Yidwithlid and Beckstead - he's going to start his own little smear campaign after he tries to lay enough GUILT on his victim to get her to stop her TRUTH TELLING!)

It can't be fun for you going through life consumed with so much hatred for someone. That I am sorry about. (Can't be fun to be so soul-less and predatory that you use vulnerable women, online for free cybersex and gifts while playing with their head to make yourself feel like a big man, can it Jacoby? The only thing you're 'sorry about' is being BUSTED. We all see right through that little speech. We've heard it before. Your victim did the right thing!)

Be well, Danny

From: Victim
Date: Jan 2008 at 11:29 AM
To: Dan Jacoby

OK, that's fine, but I've been "mulling over" this note again. After seeing the video of you out and about in your fancy car with your lady wife, (who you'd been with all along) why would I have even "wanted" to talk to you six months ago? And all the time you were telling me that you were "laid in bed in the fetal position, gasping for breath"????

There have been numerous instances where I've given you the opportunity for honest dialogue and you declined... So spare us both the embarrassment of your old trick of turning YOUR disgraceful behaviour back onto ME! (PROJECTION - all these predators do it. They don't want to have dialogue. Remember when Gridney/ Yidwithlid begged Target #1 to meet him for lunch the week after it all happened to "talk it out"? What do you all think the chances were he would have even SHOWN UP for that lunch?...

Remember when Charles "Ed" Hicks told his wives they had to "give him a chance to explain" when he'd stolen money, love, care and been with at least 3-4 other women while simultaneously married? Explain what? Why he's a bigamist and con man?)


What is "nonsense" to you; to me is deadly serious. You've damaged me so bad that I have to have counseling again. You know what I went through before with the grief counseling over my parent and yet you can put me back there???? Yet again, an unbelievable inability to empathise with my pain. (Right. No empathy = a clear sign of sociopathy. Beckstead tried to say his victim's head injury was what lead to her psychotic behavior in exposing him. Ed Hicks said his victims "made it all up just to get on T.V." Nathan Thomas calls any woman who tells the truth about him "scorned & jealous" and tells her the "CIA will be mad at him if he gives out any information" LOL! Is this getting repetitious readers?)

You dismiss it out of turn and hark back to that old familiar, "me, me, me!" trait, which I always found distinctly unpallatable. (all about them - PATHOLOGY - Clear as day.)

Whatever you "may" or "may not" have saved from the days we were together, I couldn't give a damn! It can only be emails of intimacy between us, where I was coerced "into" and "went along with" your filthy fantasies. I loved the bones of you. If you'd asked me to eat dog-**** I would have. One thing's for certain, for every "one" note you have, I have "one thousand". There's nothing else at all that you can say about me. I'm squeaky clean, Daniel.
AMEN!! And as we have said elsewhere on this site:


Asshole
Did I take anything from you on the pretence of being "broke"?
Did I treat you in the shabby manner you treated me?
Did I "use" you for my own sick gratification?
(Unfortunately, Jacoby is incapable of TRULY answering that because these pathological predators BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES)
I'll be more than happy to post the link to the website you designed for me on my 360, all you have to do is say so. ;-)

So, I guess by saying you "do this Internet thing for a living", you mean that you extort whatever you can from vulnerable women like myself to supplement your other income, on a regular basis? All I've done "wrong" is cut off your narcissistic supply and for that I gladly take full and absolute responsibility. (You go, girl!)

I don't "hate" anybody, not even you, even after everything you did to me. What YOU hate is the fact that your soft, gentle, gullible little Victim didn't fade away into the background to deal with the trauma of what you put her through in silence, and didn't turn out to be the "soft touch" you perceived her to be. I outwore my usefullness, plain and simple. (AGAIN, Victim is right on here - and that can be said for every single one of our victims; as they have said virtually the EXACT SAME THING about their feelings about their cyberpath)

I'm stronger than any other woman you've been involved with, Dan... I ain't no pushover! I may have been unaware of the truth about you, but I sure as HELL know your "character" inside out. I'd even go as far as to say more than even "Missus Jacoby" does. And I learned that the hard way, to my cost. (again -- this can be said about single one of our victims; as they have said virtually the EXACT SAME THING about their feelings about their cyberpath. These predators see their victims as such OBJECTS they rage when the victim rises up and reclaims their dignity and personhood by TELLING THE TRUTH)

It's just that the deep love and affection I felt for you blinded me as to the "real" Dan Jacoby and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

Goodbye, Danny
everythingnothing

Wait!! Jacoby HAS to have the last word:

From: Dan Jacoby
Date: Jan 2008 at 4:16 PM
To: Victim

Please remove all the things you have posted about me across the web. Your accusations of me being a "sexual predator" and "extortionist, along with my photographs, name, and location.
(why? The truth is a 100% defense here, Jacoby. If you are so blameless - don't you have refuting evidence? Why threaten? Isn't your good & ethical character able to stand on its own? CLICK HERE)

I've got everything, Victim. Webcam videos of you from head to toe. Audio recordings of your child threatening to kill me. (Ah yes -- here come the bullying & threats. Did he keep those to use as threats later? Didn't you think Victim's child would be furious with what you did to their MOTHER? Oh! wait... that's right - none of your online babes are REAL PEOPLE to you so they aren't ENTITLED TO BE HURT! Pathological, very very.)

Emails? I've got plenty of emails. They are not flattering. Big deal. Do you see me spreading this private stuff all over the Internet? (you will Jacoby!! in a heartbeat!! isn't that what you're threatening in the paragraph above? You're contradicting yourself!) I've sat here for six months without firing back at you, believing you would eventually realize you were dead wrong regarding the reckless, destructive, cruel, evil, criminal things you accuse me of - all for your personal satisfaction. (If her emails were written because of the REAL LOVE she had in her heart for you Jacoby. - then go ahead. And didn't you use & abuse her good nature, love and compassion for YOUR PERSONAL SATISFACTION. You're not the altruist your "words" try to paint you as. Trust us - NONE of our victims get pleasure out the expose. EOPC doesn't do revenge. We make sure its for 2 reasons: 1. public warnings & education; 2. to attempt (though we know how hopeless it is) to get predators like you to STOP! and get HELP!
-- note how childish Jacoby's 'tit for tat' attitude is)


Can you imagine me ever saying something like "Hey you, I will take screen shots I have of you and will make a puzzle out of them and I will reveal one piece of the puzzle every day on my website as long as the stuff you write about me all over the web remains out there. Then I will post the video clips one by one. Then I will post the rest of the stuff, including audio clips that clearly display your intent to do harm.". (We sure can. One of our other predators did something similar. The very FACT that you threaten with that stuff Jacoby - is sick in itself. How do we know, since you work in the computer industry, you didn't doctor it all? How many women do you have saved stuff on that you have threatened them with? You think that's o.k.?)

That would be almost as mean and vindictive as what you've been doing. Don't tell me it wouldn't affect you, your friends, or your family. (Oh, Jacoby, spare us - mean and vindictive is EMOTIONALLY RAPING SOMEONE FOR YEARS. What Victim is was an intervention and the absolute right thing!)

I've shrunk the enclosed image down to a thumbnail to be much less offensive. Please tell me I can throw all this stuff out someday soon. Is this how you really want it to play out? You are an extremely mean person, Victim... I've never known anyone who can use the words "Jesus" and "F***" in the same sentence and think its OK. (Boo hoo - poor Jacoby. - he's been busted and he's still throwing Victim's faith in her face too.)

There must be something more rewarding out there for you than this. Do not ever contact me again. Thanks. (Don't worry she won't. And we'll make sure that everyone knows about you ... Jacoby)

NOTE: Jacoby? Mr. "I-Would-Never; I-Am-Above-All-That"? After being busted? opened up a revenge site with filthy, photoshopped pictures of Victim on it. You had to get a password from Jacoby to see it. Control, control, control.

When Victim let him know what he was doing was illegal? He erased it - changed the site to look like it was something else and
WENT TO THE FBI AND POLICE AND SAID VICTIM WAS HARASSING HIM!!

Hey Jacoby? We saw it... we know what was REALLY there and one of your forum sychophants has admitted she saw it too!! And using & misleading law enforcement to further harrass someone isn't nice. They have already heard from us what you did & how you manipulated them...


Poor Cyberpaths... soon they have to kiss their credibility buh-bye!
cyberpaths seal


WARNING (2009) - Jacoby has found his way BACK on to the recovery forums (such as benzobuddies, etc) using a new IP number and false identities (ex: "Nurse Tanya" and "Elwood"). Despite the forum managers saying they have banned him forever - they have not been able to stop this remorseless predator! One forum manager refuses to listen and remove his multiple identities. Beware!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Internet Addiction and Internet Sex

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A summary of this article was published in "The Source", July, 2001

Over 130,000,000 Americans are on-line. About 46,000 more people are getting on-line each day. Americans are going on-line looking for information, entertainment and relationships. Use of the Internet (also called the Net) has grown faster than any technology in history including the telephone, television, computers, video games and CD players. The Net provides everyday users with primarily the Web, e-mail, instant messaging, live chat and the ability to purchase goods and services on-line.

"You've Got Mail..." I Don't Care.

"Do you want to know more?" Nope!

"Do you want to see a picture of a naked man?" Of course not!!


"Do you want to see a picture of young boy having sex with an older woman?" Not on your life!!!

"Would you like to talk to a beautiful lonely woman on-line and see what she looks like?" Never!!!!

"Have you more intimate with someone online that you have not been intimate with in person?" How is that possible?


People are naturally skeptical when they hear someone say there are problems when using the Internet. Here are several important research facts.

Women are now on-line more than men.
50% of the people on-line lie about their age, weight, job, marital status and gender.
20% of the people going on-line will experience clear negative impacts to their life.
Use of the Internet is a contributing factor in nearly 50% of all family, relationship and family problems.
11% of the people going on-line are becoming compulsive or addicted.


How could anything that feels so safe and innocent looking be unhealthy for so many people? Feeling good and not realizing the problem is precisely the problem. People can go anywhere, see almost anything, find out virtually anything, do anything and be anybody they want. They act out in ways that are exciting and they can do without leaving their chair or being with a real person. Accountability, supervision and social consequences are missing in a virtual society.

Problems
The potential problems for new Internet use are significant and may be growing. Nearly 20% of the people going on-line will encounter one or more of the following problems.

Personal neglect
Compulsive checking and "clicking"
Isolation and avoidance from people
Lost productivity
Depression
Marital problems
Sexual addiction
Gambling away savings.
Internet abuse in the workplace
Academic failure.


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Are You Compulsive or Addicted To The Net?
Using the Net is not a problem for Internet users who are on-line less than two hours a week. Heavy users are at risk when they are plugged more than 18 hours a week. There is no official diagnosis for an addiction to the Internet. The proposed disorder is called Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD). There is rather exact criteria proposed but it essentially easy to spot a problem. A compulsive and potentially addicted user is on-line more than 10 hours a day in non-work related activity. Answering the question "Am I addicted?" is based on four questions.

Do you feel better when you are on-line, chatting, or exploring the Net?

Are you or have you been spending more and more time on-line?

Are you on-line when you should being doing something else?

Have you tried to cut back and don't?


You probably have a compulsion if you feel a strong need to get on-line when you should be doing other things in your life. For instance, "Are you forgetting to eat?" Or, "Are you getting up at 3 a.m. in the morning to go to the bathroom and checking your e-mail before you go back to bed?" Checking e-mail at night when no one else is up and for no reason is a compulsion. You may even have early signs of addiction if you feel a need to be on the Internet more and more and feel worse when you stop.

Cyber Society
People go on-line and they are making friends. For many people the Internet is like a private night club or the place where you can find the friends you've always wanted. You don't have to go out and find real people and have an honest relationship. You can stay in your own chair and explore endless activities. You can walk away and come right back. There is always something happening. People will even miss you and ask you to come back. If you embarrass yourself, or people get mad, then you can just change your name, age and marital status and just start over.

It doesn't take much in the way of bravery to go into the Net. Once you're in, a user can go anywhere and see almost anything without social consequences or anyone knowing. As result, the Internet is a fostering uninhibited social and sexual behavior. There are clear impacts on relationships when people become uninhibited, dishonest or secretive in life or on the Net. There is much less honesty, integrity and accountability on the Net than there is at work, in school or in a neighborhood.

The Internet is now a contributing factor to nearly one half of all marital or family problems. In some cases, relationships are breaking down when a men or woman develops a relationship in cyber society. High levels of Internet use can produce social isolation, loss of real intimacy and depression.

Men, women and families are going into counseling for relationship problems that are partly or entirely caused compulsive internet use or virtual addictions. Women are filling for divorce claiming that their husbands are having sex on-line or looking at "pornography" for hours every day. Kids stay up all night. Parents stop relating and spend less time raising their children.

The Internet is not only cutting into social and family time but it is also cutting into work. For some employees the Internet is just part of the job. But up to 70% of employees who have high speed Internet access at work can spend up 1 hour a day involved in non-work related activities. At least 6% of people at work use the Internet more than 6 hours per week for non-work related activities.

Cyber Brain Washing
Knowing what can happen to you, your friends or even your children won't necessarily help. Heavy users will tell you that the Net will change you. If you spend enough time on-line, the rest of the world starts to look unreal or strange. You may not even notice the change. There is no sure way to know if you will get hooked or how long it can take. Here's how it happens.

Prolonged chats on-line and mouse clicking on the Internet will produce what psychologist call a dissociative state. Net users separate from reality and enter cyber reality. Anyone with children has seen how children can watch television for countless hours. Children and even adults watching television long enough will enter a "hypnotic trance." They meld into the television and disconnect from reality. Limited use is a form or healthy recreation or escape. Prolonged and repeated use can create problems.

People can disappear into a good book or a movie, but there is always an end to a book or a movie. The Internet is especially addictive because the Net is endless, interactive, social and exploding with never ending images and information. The Net offers exciting relationships 24 hours a day all over the world. Before the Internet children and couples stopped working and talking with their friends after dark. Spending the evening together reading, playing games and watching television together was the norm. But not anymore.

How do people get caught up in the Net?
For one thing, human beings are curious. We like to see more and do more. Many of us like to travel. When we can't travel, we like to read books and go to movies. We like to feel competent and in control. Human beings like to feel better and they don't like to feel bad. We like to do things that feel good and avoid things that feel worse. We especially like doing pleasurable things more and more. Being on the Internet is not necessarily about having a good time. Being on-line might make you feel better but it might just change how you feel. It can be an escape from reality that isn't necessarily better for you. For some people, a painful or disgusting fantasy is preferable to a less painful or disgusting reality.

Have you ever noticed that some people watch television even when there is nothing good to watch. And instead of turning the TV off, they resort to channel switching. The act of switching channels repeatedly is an annoying process that makes the rest of us want to leave the room or take the remote control away from somebody. The Net is a lot like television only the Net is timeless, interactive, challenging and endless.

Psychologists explain the seductive and addictive nature of the Net primarily in terms of a behavior modification process called a variable reinforcement schedule. That means you don't know how much of a reward you will get and when for your behavior. A variable reinforcement schedule is the most addictive reward system. Slot machines are designed and operate in the same principle.

When you keep playing a slot machine, the odds are that you will eventually loose everything. But the human brain loves the possibilities and excitement of "winning" in the moment and it ignores the long term consequences. The occasional win doesn't make up for the overall loss. People play anyway because the occasional win is highly rewarding for those who play long enough. Some people can walk away and stay away. Others can't walk away or they always come back.

The Internet is also more addictive than a slot machine - especially once they begin to master the technology. Playing on the Net can give you self-confidence. A slot machine doesn't. The most common rewards from a slot machine are those curious noises, spinning pictures and flashing lights. Once in a while a person wins some money.

Would you believe it, a cable modem is more addictive than a slower dial-up modem! Most people had no patience for the Internet when they had a dial up modem. The rewards were slow and boring. That changed when high speed modems allowed for rapid "clicking" and responses. People with high speed modems are now disappearing into a world where they wait anxiously for the result of the next click. The surprise, shock value and speed in which a person gets these "hits" of information and imagery are the key to creating a compulsion and addiction. Time begins to have no meaning when your next "hit" is just a "click" away. There is no time to think about something else you could or should be doing - unless you are waiting. People don’t think of what else they should be doing and they increasingly find there is always time for one more click and one more chat.

More than a slot machine, everything on the Internet is an adventure with social opportunities. It can be mildly or tremendously exhilarating. People feel rewarded when they finally figure it out why their software or a web site is not working. Every improvement in your skills including upgrades in software and your access to new and exciting links can produces a mind altering change in your brain chemistry. The most powerful change is called a dopamine rush. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that controls brain function including decision making, impulsiveness, and it is released when you experience certain stimulation. It can improve your mood, confidence and produce a feeling of pleasure.

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Cyber Sex
Men dominated the Net until just recently. Women are on-line more than men now. Men seek out pornography more than women. Women a seeking out relationships. But men and women are using the Internet equally for "cybering" (cyber sex). Cyber sex is defined as the consensual sexual discussion on-line for the purpose of achieving arousal or an orgasm.

People involved in cyber sex universally minimize the importance and impact of their behavior. They say "It's just on-line" or "It's not real sex." Patients are telling counselors and therapists that having cyber sex with an adult is not an affair (assuming it really was an adult and not a teenager). Marriage and family counselors are no longer asking, "Did you had an affair?" Or, "Did you have sex with someone?" We are now asking "Have you have had sex with someone that you have not had sex with in person?" The bad news is that some teenagers are becoming sexual addicts by the age of 16. The good news is that they are not necessarily having intercourse yet.

What changes people most is their access to sexual content. People would never have access to such a wide range of sexually explicit material without the Internet. They can get it quickly and easily. It’s really easy for children to explore the Net for hours at a time without being caught. The problem is that people become "cross involved" with other content when they are exploring less intense material. There are web sites that are gateways to other more explicit and shocking content. Before long people can end up involved in sexual content that is way beyond their original interest and desire. It eventually becomes sick.

Many people go on-line to find information. But unfortunately the most perverse human and even human-animal sexual interactions are available on-line. The most addictive content is the most shocking that changes your mood quickly. A quick look at graphic violence is a "rush" even if you find it offensive. The biggest "rushes" for the severe addicts come from violent sexual cruelties that are available on-line. People tell themselves that can just click and look for a second, but they don't realize that the trauma and stimulating effects are addictive. Normal people can become addicted to disgusting content not because they approve but because it changes and excites their mood. People become excited and disgusted at the same time.

As people become more comfortable, they begin to disappear and literally live on-line. Some will eventually move from back from the Internet to the real world. Eventually some will start seeking out people for real sex instead of cyber sex. Some will be driven to houses of prostitution or streetwalkers. A "danger downloader" is someone who views content that eventually creates a compulsion to explore potentially dangerous behavior in real life. "Danger downloaders" actually go out to fulfill their sexual fantasies with people who have cyber names like "Slave Master".

Internet Propaganda
People argue that the Internet saves time, but most people are merely spending more time learning how to save less and less time. The end result is that home users are loosing track of time and spending countless hours mastering and playing around with a technology that accomplishes nothing and generate no income. They end up getting behind on work, chores, child care and spending time with real people.

Internet technology does not add to the quality of life for most people. It provides a sense of mastery especially because the technology is unreliable and it requires people to master a changing technology. It is interesting challenge and often rewarding.

Did you know that more and more web sites are structured to get you there, keep you there, expose you to advertising and get you to spend money? All kinds of trickery and technology are being used to manipulate people. For instance, WhiteHouse.Com is a pornography site. The real White House web site is at WhiteHouse.Gov. And if you mistype the address of a web site for an airline or famous person you could end up in a web site for sadomasochistic bondage. Even worse, you might find that you are trapped and can't get out. Backloading is a technique where you can't get out of pornography web sites once you get in. You eventually realize that you have to shut down your computer, but not until colorful, sexual and even traumatic images are burned into your brain.

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The Real World Vs Cyber World

Would you let your child go anywhere and spend time with anyone they wanted?


Do you want your child working on homework, playing music or shooting baskets with potential friends?

Do you want your child spending 2 to 4 hours a day on the Internet playing games, looking at pictures, talking with strange people in chat rooms or visiting a "private bedroom" while they pretend to be an adult?

Would you let your husband go over to the house of a woman you don't know and spend hours talking about love, sex, his dreams, his frustration and the difficulty raising your children while he lies about his marital status or his marital relationship?

Do you want to meet people on-line when you know that most of that relationship is based on a lie?

Do you want to work at building a real friendship that could last a lifetime?

Would you let your child go to the library if a pornography shop was in the back and no adults were watching? Or worse yet, would you let your child go into a pornography shop where adults were watching?

Psychologists agree than most things in life that have value require effort to accomplish. The Internet is a tool, but not a life. The Internet is a technological challenge, but it is not a real life challenge. It provides users with a sense of mastery in a machine world but not society, work, school or a relationship. The Internet allows for uninhibited social and sexual interactions. The Internet creates a feeling of adventure. It is stimulating and it can easily become shocking. If you need to be certain, go to www.Google.com and run a search using sexual words. Then be prepared to be shocked at what you, your family and friends can easily find without charge and without verification of age.

There is no doubt that the Internet is becoming a substitute for an active life. The Internet is socially safe. But does it really help with shyness? You can go anywhere and be anyone you want on the Internet. Overweight people don't need to become physically active and eat properly, they can pretend they are young, beautiful and buff, and no one will challenge their fantasy. Shy teenager girls and boys can have sex on line without fear of rejection. You can look at anything and talk to anyone you want without your parents, friends or spouse finding out. There is virtually no accountability when you are on-line.

The research on children is becoming very interesting. It turns out that teenagers are in greater risk that adults. Shy boys and girls in large school are especially vulnerable to having problems. Small schools have a lower incidence of teenage Internet addiction. Shy kids in large schools are withdrawing into their rooms. Some are becoming withdrawn, disturbed, and impatient. A few are becoming a violence risk. It should be no surprise that some teenagers prefer the cyber world and become infuriated and lonely in the real world.

Those with ADHD, BiPolar Disorder & Sociopathy are especially vulnerable
. The Internet appears to have calming effect and is the perfect escape from distractibility. Instant messaging presents the greatest risk for ADHD or BiPolar Disorder sufferers. It becomes compulsive.

Internet use began to cut down on family TV time. But now people are one the Internet while they are watching TV. Chat, E-mail and Instant Messaging have become major forms of entertainment for an older children and teens.

Prevention
The Internet has been designed to be visible and accessible. At present, there is no way to effectively prevent access to inappropriate content nor is there a reliable way to restrict activity. What methods exist can be circumvented by clever children and adults. Fortunately there are a number of ways to control Internet use.

Businesses have developed the technology to monitor employee Internet use in the work place. Employees are less likely to abuse this resource if they know it is being monitored. Human accountability and social consequences are a major deterrent.

Another way to create accountability is to place a computer in a public place. Visibility creates social pressure and consequences for actions. People are less likely to view socially objectionable material in public. Signs of compulsive behavior will become apparent to friends, peers or family members when Internet use is public.

While business has adopted technology to monitor employee use, families do not yet have ready access to such software. There is software to load onto your computer and to your Internet services provider that can monitor and let parents and adults know how their computer is being used.

Psychological and even physical safety are real concerns since children are connecting to all the information on the planet. Very few parents would not let their child go anywhere anytime and speak to anyone. Likewise, parents should not allow their child to go on-line unless they know where they are going and who they will be with. Leaving a child alone in their room with access to the world is a risky decision.

You can't allow yourself to become Internet ignorant if you care about your relationships or family. You need to know what your employees at work and family members are doing. What adults do in their free time is their business. What your employees and children do is another matter. Children under the age of 16 are not ready to drive a car and they are not capable of resisting or understanding the dangers of being on the Internet. Monitoring and supervision is essential.

Finally, prevention is more likely to be assured if you maintain balance in your life. People go on-line looking for something missing in their life or they become involved in content and relationships on-line that begin to interfere with important routines, responsibilities and relationships. Making a conscious effort and commitment to a balanced life is crucial.
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Dr. Conner is a clinical, medical and family psychologist who completed a research and training fellowship in graduate medical education and health education. He provides training, evaluation and intervention services for adults, families and youth. He is Board Certified in Traumatic Stress, Emergency Crisis Intervention, Emergency School Response and Sports Psychology. This article is also available at www.CrisisCounseling.com. Dr. Conner’s practice is located in Bend Oregon and he can be reached at 541 388-5660 or Conner@CrisisCounseling.com or www.Education-Options.com