In reference to our earlier post "DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY LIED OR TWISTED THE FACTS?" now comes Lori Drew & company. Here's a copy of a letter she sent to the Meier family about a month after Megan's death:
A larger copy can be seen where it was originally posted, The Smoking Gun, by clicking here.
Does that note sound like a lot of schizophasia (aka Word Salad) to you? You know what that is: the kind of stuff a cyberpath says to get themselves out of the hole they have dug with you? Or does it sound like a whole pile of blame shifting? You tell us... we aren't quite sure. A least it was handwritten, not an EMAIL like this guy's.
Also sounds like the Drews' were attempting to do this:
People who are engaged in defending their internal grandiosity may become adept at giving ostensible apologies that really amount to self-justifications. Narcissistically driven people do not seem to understand that saying one is sorry represents an expression of empathy with the injured party irrespective of whether the hurt was intentional or avoidable.We urge you to read our prior post (click this text) and compare Drew's words & behavior to our other predators. Please. And then make up your mind
A related substitute for apologizing is the practice of explaining. Unless the listener is particularly sensitive, an explanation can sound remarkably like an apology.
Is that an apology? Of any sort? Sounds like the cyberpath's favorite: HOW TO NOT APOLOGIZE WHEN YOU HAVE SERIOUSLY F**KED UP. (click text for article)
Many people are saying Mrs. Drew is a sociopath or at the least a destructive narcissist. (two incurable personality disorders along the same spectrum) We aren't doctors (like Dr. Ablow who implied EOPC & Fighter are "pathological" -- lol) But we can find some of the criteria out there for identifying someone with Destructive Narcissistic Pattern (from Joann Ashmun):
-- Narcissists lack a mature conscience and seem to be restrained only by fear of being punished or of damaging their reputations -- though, again, this can be obscure to casual observation if you don't know what they think their reputations are, and what they believe others think of them may be way out of touch with reality. Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited, or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally. Anyhow, narcissists can't be counted on not to do something just because it's wrong, illegal, or will hurt someone, as long as they think that they can get away with it or that you can't stop them or punish them (i.e., they don't care what you think unless they're afraid of you).Here's more:
-- If you're like me, you get into disputes with narcissists over their casual dishonesty and cruelty to other people. Trying to reform narcissists by reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective as spitting in the ocean. What you see is what you get: they have no better nature. The fundamental problem here is that narcissists lack empathy.
-- Lacking empathy is a profound disturbance to the narcissist's thinking (cognition) and feeling (affectivity). Even when very intelligent, narcissists can't reason well. One I've worked with closely does something I characterize as "analysis by eggbeater." They don't understand the meaning of what people say and they don't grasp the meaning of the written word either -- because so much of the meaning of anything we say depends on context and affect, narcissists (lacking empathy and thus lacking both context and affect) hear only the words. (Discussions with narcissists can be really weird and disconcerting; they seem to think that using some of the same words means that they are following a line of conversation or reasoning. Thus, they will go off on tangents and irrelevancies, apparently in the blithe delusion that they understand what others are talking about.) And, frankly, they don't hear all the words, either. They can pay attention only to stuff that has them in it. This is not merely a bad habit -- it's a cognitive deficiency. Narcissists pay attention only to themselves and stuff that affects them personally. However, since they don't know what other people are doing, narcissists can't judge what will affect them personally and seem never to learn that when they cause trouble they will get trouble back. They won't take other people's feelings into consideration and so they overlook the fact that other people will react with feeling when abused or exploited and that most people get really pissed off by being lied to or lied about.
-- Narcissists are (a) extremely sensitive to personal criticism and (b) extremely critical of other people. They think that they must be seen as perfect or superior or infallible, next to god-like (if not actually divine, then sitting on the right hand of God) -- or else they are worthless. There's no middle ground of ordinary normal humanity for narcissists. They can't tolerate the least disagreement. In fact, if you say, "Please don't do that again -- it hurts," narcissists will turn around and do it again harder to prove that they were right the first time; their reasoning seems to be something like "I am a good person and can do no wrong; therefore, I didn't hurt you and you are lying about it now..." -- sorry, folks, I get lost after that. Anyhow, narcissists are habitually cruel in little ways, as well as big ones, because they're paying attention to their fantasy and not to you, but the bruises on you are REAL, not in your imagination. Thus, no matter how gently you suggest that they might do better to change their ways or get some help, they will react in one of two equally horrible ways: they will attack or they will withdraw. Be wary of wandering into this dragon's cave -- narcissists will say ANYTHING, they will trash anyone in their own self-justification, and then they will expect the immediate restoration of the status quo. They will attack you (sometimes physically) and spew a load of bile, insult, abuse, contempt, threats, etc., and then -- well, it's kind of like they had indigestion and the vicious tirade worked like a burp: "There. Now I feel better. Where were we?" They feel better, so they expect you to feel better, too. They will say you are nothing, worthless, and turn around immediately and say that they love you. When you object to this kind of treatment, they will say, "You just have to accept me the way I am. (God made me this way, so God loves me even if you are too stupid to understand how special I am.)" Accepting them as they are (and staying away from them entirely) is excellent advice.... They can't see that they have a problem; it's always somebody else who has the problem and needs to change. Therapies work at all only when the individual wants to change and, though narcissists hate their real selves, they don't want to change -- they want the world to change. And they criticize, gripe, and complain about almost everything and almost everyone almost all the time. There are usually a favored few whom narcissists regard as absolutely above reproach, even for egregious misconduct or actual crime, and about whom they won't brook the slightest criticism. These are people the narcissists are terrified of, though they'll tell you that what they feel is love and respect; apparently they don't know the difference between fear and love.
Narcissists feel entitled to whatever they can take. They expect privileges and indulgences, and they also feel entitled to exploit other people without any trace of reciprocation.
If [the narcissist] trying to rattle you, hurt you, undermine you or shock you, there is a good chance that they will come out with a blatant accusation. "You lied", "you stole", "you're having an affair". (original - click here) ...And more on DEFLECTING BLAME (click here to read)
When the mentor has failed to support the grandiose self of a narcissistically impelled student, he or she can count on paying for it. A response to the effect of "I'll confess that I acted that out, but I think you have your part in this, too," is typical (original - click here)
We think this counts as playing victim, don't you?:
Again, a larger version is available for you to read by CLICKING HERE.
And one more:
Narcissists almost make a career out of being victims. So perhaps the Drews do have a fulfilling life ahead them. Because Megan Meier doesn't.
More great reading:
Death by 1000 Papercuts NAILS it on the HEAD! (great minds thinking alike)- click here
Now here's some press from just two days ago on this:
On Friday, attorney Jim Briscoe issued the following statement from the Drew family regarding the events surrounding Megan Meier's death:
"This week, Prosecuting Attorney Jack Banas issued his report concerning the death of Megan Meier. His investigation included a review of all reports of law enforcement agencies involved with this case and interviews with several of the individuals involved.
"During this investigation, the Drew family has not commented to the media. Now that the investigation is concluded, we wish to issue this statement.
"First and foremost, the Drew family mourns the death of Megan every day. They previously expressed their sympathies to the Meier family, but the Meiers have made it clear that they do not wish to speak to the Drews, and they have honored the Meier’s request.
"Contrary to statements reported in various news media around the nation in recent weeks, Lori Drew did not create or direct anyone to create the Josh Evans MySpace account.
"Although she was aware of the account, Lori Drew never sent any messages to Megan or to anyone else using this MySpace account.
"The MySpace account was in place for approximately 29 days. It is undisputed that all messages sent were positive until the last 24 hours.
"Lori Drew was not aware of any mean, nasty or negative comments made by anyone against Megan until after Megan took her own life. In fact, the first negative message was sent by a teenager from another residence, and several other negative comments were made by other teenagers at different locations. The negative comments that were sent by the teenage girl at the Drew’s residence occurred when Lori was not home.
"Lori Drew has been a high-profile target of extreme criticism for things she did not do. This has caused considerable damage to the reputation of the Drew family, both in our community and across the nation.
"The avalanche of criticism forced Lori to discontinue the advertising business she has had in the St. Charles County area for the past nine years. Lori is saddened that businesses that advertised with her company have been harassed in ways that have impacted them both professionally and personally.
"The Drew family is also sorry that their family, friends and neighbors have had to endure the stresses associated with the harassment directed toward the Drews.
"There are many accusations that various members of the Drew family have created Web sites or are participating in Internet blogs regarding this matter. The Drews have not and will not participate in any Website or blog regarding this matter.
"Any Internet message that purports to be a member of the Drew family is being managed by an imposter and undoubtedly is being done for the purpose of further damaging the Drew’s reputation."
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
EOPC continues to urge you to CLICK HERE (scroll to the bottom of this post for the pertinent information) and please continue writing the legal authorities to reopen this case and DO THE RIGHT THING for Megan and her grieving family. If the media is continuing to defend Mrs. Drew, its the least we can do for Meier family.
As Sarah Wells said on her blog:
Vigilantism is one thing, the legal expression of the conscience of the community is another.We couldn't have said it better, Sarah!
PLEASE also take a moment to read Danny Vice's great post on another Predator victim: Nicki Catsourus - click here