Internet Fraud Dupes Men More Often Than Women

by Robert McMillan

When it comes to being taken in by Internet fraudsters, men have a knack for losing cash, according to a new report from the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Data compiled from more than 206,000 complaints received last year by the U.S. Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3.gov) shows that men lost US$1.67 to every $1 lost by women in online fraud.

Identifying Fraud Trends
The IC3 is the clearinghouse for online crime complaints in the U.S., and its database is used by regulators and law enforcement to get a picture of criminal trends and, in some cases, help hunt down the criminals. It is a joint effort run by the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation and the National White Collar Crime Center.

The organization says that buying patterns and human nature play into the findings.

"Historically men were more apt to purchase large ticket item like electronics... that could explain a lot of it," said John Kane, the IC3 research manager who wrote the report.

But with women now spending more online, the difference is also due to the fact that certain types of schemes seem to suck men in. "Men tend to fall victim... to business investment schemes and some other schemes that have a higher dollar loss," Kane said.

Investment fraud complaints, where the average loss is more than $3,500, were overwhelmingly submitted by men, Kane said. Compare that to something like auction fraud, where both men and women are frequently victimized. The average loss there is just over $480.

Men also tend to be the victims of check fraud (average loss: $3,000) and Nigerian letter fraud scams ($2,000), Kane said.
Crime Climbs

Overall, Internet crime is netting the bad guys more money than ever.

Total losses from 2007 complaints came to $239 million, up $40 million from 2006.

The 2007 data, released Thursday, shows that the total number of complaints received by the group was actually down for the second year in a row. In 2007 the IC3 Web site logged just under 207,000 complaints. In 2005 that number was over 231,000.

Kane credited the drop in complaints to increased consumer awareness, but according to Gary Warner, director of research in computer forensics with the University of Alabama at Birmingham, there may be another explanation.

Warner spends a lot of time studying the criminals and said that in recent months, researchers have noticed that credit card numbers have often been stolen and then not used. "One theory is that nobody wants to go to jail for stealing $40," he said. "So when they get access to these accounts, they're using only the ones that they can get the most value from."

Often, criminals will do a balance check and then sell only the cards with the highest balances. "I think there's a little bit of filtering on the criminal side that's at play here," he said.

There was another interesting finding in the 2007 data. The IC3 found that many countries that were commonly linked with cybercrime were the sources of the incidents it tracked, but it did not list China as a top source of perpetrators. China has been named as the source of many online attacks over the past year, but it didn't make IC3's list of top 10 countries by perpetrators.

Leading the list were the U.S., the United Kingdom and Nigeria.

SOURCE

An Internet Affair --- AGAIN?

Dear Dr. Bob,

I have been married for 10 months now. I met my wife playing spades on the internet then we started talking on the phone for hours and hours until I left CA. and moved to TN. with her

we have a good relationship but now she spends so much time on the internet thats making me worried and i don't like it when she talks in IM's to strange guys or gets too close online with them. What should I do? the only thing we fight about is that Iasked her many times not to get close to guys on the spades games and she tells me i'm being jealous she hides her computer so i can't see what she is doing on their.

All i hear is her typing on it in games you click the mouse not type as much as she does she was under her screen name on my computer so i looked at her mail i saw something thats is bugging me very much i saw that she had been talking to this guy and was telling him that she was going to call him when i go to work what should i do?

My response:

As Yogi Berra once said, "This must seem like deja vu all over again." It certainly appears that her behavior now on the net finds some parallels with how your relationship with her started? And, of course, you have a right to be concerned - here she goes again!

You describe behavior that could be labeled "addictive." Her focal point becomes these relationships that generate excitement, intrigue and fantasies? She seemingly can't keep her fingers off the keyboard? Other parts of her life take a back seat? And, she denies that she has a problem or minimizes her activities - she's not doing anything wrong!

Please understand that usually, beneath this minimization, are some guilt and shame and a part of her that is truly looking for something else. And, you want her to find that "something else" with you… not in a series of net/phone "romances."

Confronting, pleading and arguing won't work. She will resist, retreat to her keyboard and you will feel increasingly frustrated and alone.

I suggest you start with a tactic I call, "problemize." Periodically make comments about the problem(s) you see. MAKE SURE you use words, tone of voice and body language that convey acceptance, concern and lack a tone of judgment, condemnation or a sense of superiority.

For example: "Does it ever seem to you that you are going through the same thing now as when you first met me?" "Do you ever stop to think what impact your net/phone relationships will have on our relationship?" "Do you ever think there is more to life than meeting someone on the net?" "You must get a 'high' out of these relationships?" "I wonder what you are REALLY looking for?" "I wonder what I eventually will do with this." "I wonder if you will always be looking?"

Get the idea? Leave a question in your voice. Open the door for her to talk and explore. This is your first step. If, over time, her actions persist, begin to think about what you are willing to tolerate and what actions you may need to take. But, first, "problemize" and see where that goes.

Voyeurs 'Held ' After Filmed Men getting Changed at Leisure Centre

Two men have been arrested over claims they secretly recorded men getting changed at a leisure centre and then put the footage on a gay website.

Up to 28 men are believed to have been filmed in various states of undress at the FX Leisure Centre in Gateshead.

Existence of the footage only came to light when one of the men said to have been taped as he changed at the gym saw pictures of himself on a gay website.

Two men have been arrested after allegations that men getting changed at a leisure centre were secretly filmed. The footage is then said to have been posted on a gay website

The businessman contacted the club's management and police after seeing footage of himsself, according to the Daily Mirror, and two men were then arrested.

A staff member at FX Leisure Centre told the newspaper the man ‘thought it was a joke at first but then realised he had been filmed in the changing room’.

‘He went straight to the club management to complain. Some of the members are not too happy about their manhood making an unwanted guest appearance on a gay website.’

A spokesperson for Northumbria Police confirmed: ‘A 30-year-old man and a 34-year-old man were arrested on suspicion of voyeurism and have been bailed.'

Officials at the Gateshead leisure centre have declined to comment on the police investigation.

original article here

Beware of the 'HACK TRAP'

Don't fall for that elusive e-mail with an enticing subject line asking for your personal details. It's a cyber criminal who is using a facade to lure you into a trap. Don't just delete the mail, report it to the cyber cell!

The Mumbai police are waking up to battle the rampant increase of crime in the cyber world. All of us, at some point would have been victims in the virtual world, ranging from falling prey to deadly viruses, to internet stalking or the more serious hacking and character assassination.

The Mumbai police, apart from spreading awareness by holding workshops in schools and colleges and issuing advice to parents has also launched a drive to secure over 2 lakh wi-fi connections in the city.

According to statistics, there were 76 cases of cyber crime registered in 2010 as compared to just 6 cases in 2006.

"Cyber crime and white collar crimes is the new trend and is committed by people from the middle and upper middle class," remarked Sanjeev Dayal, Mumbai police commissioner at the annual police meet held recently. "It's a kind of crime where the educated are involved," he added.

The city's first cyber police station, which was set up in 2006 and the police are making efforts to create more awareness amongst the public. We give you a brief take on the kinds of cyber crime that you need to be wary of and guidelines to avoid being a victim.

Watch out for these cyber crimes

Hacking:
Hacking means an illegal intrusion into a computer system, network or your personal email id. The motive can range from monetary gains such as stealing credit card information, transferring money from various bank accounts to their own account followed by withdrawal of money. It could also be for revenge or a desire to access forbidden information

Cyber stalking:
Cyber stalking is a repeated act of harassment or threatening behavior of the cyber criminal towards the victim through the internet. A vast majority of stalkers are dejected lovers or jilted ex-lovers, who intend to harass the victim because they failed to satisfy their secret desires. Many a time, the stalker posts phone numbers or email address of the victim as willing to solicit sexual favours. The stalker even uses filthy and obscene language to incite the person.

Virus Dissemination:
Malicious software that attaches itself to other software. (virus, worms, Trojan Horse, Time bomb, Logic Bomb, Rabbit and Bacterium. These are malicious viruses

Phishing:
This is an act of sending an e-mail to a user falsely claiming to be an established legitimate enterprise in an attempt to scam the user into surrendering private information that will be used for identity theft. The e-mail directs users to visit a website where they are asked to update personal information, such as passwords and credit card details, social security and bank account numbers, already available to the legitimate organisation. The website, however, is bogus and set up only to steal user information.

Tips for adults, children and teens:
1. Do not give out identifying information such as name, home address, school name or telephone number in a chat room.
2. Do not send your photograph to any one on the Net without initially checking with the parent or guardian.
3. Do not respond to messages that are obscene or threatening.
4. Never arrange a meeting without informing your parents.
5. Remember that people online may not be who they seem to be
what you need to register a complaint
If you are a victim of hacking

Bring the following information:

• Server Logs
• Copy of defaced web page in soft copy as well as hard copy format, if your website is defaced
• If data is compromised on your server or computer or any other network equipment, keep a soft copy of original data and soft copy of compromised data.
• Access control mechanism details i.e. who had what kind of the access to the compromised system
• List of suspects - if the victim suspects anyone

If you're are a victim of e-mail abuse, vulgar e-mail;
Bring the following information-

• Extract the extended headers of the offending e-mail
• Bring a soft copy as well hard copy of the offending e-mail. Do not delete the offending e-mail from your inbox.
• Save the copy of the offending e-mail on your computer's hard drive.

Where to complain
Cyber Crime Investigation cell
Annex III, 1st floor, Office of the Mumbai Commissioner of Police,
DN Road, Mumbai 400001

How to safeguard yourself
1. Ensure your passwords have both letters and numbers, and are at least eight characters long. Avoid common words. Some hackers use programs that can try every word in the dictionary.
2. Don't use your personal information, your login name or adjacent keys on the keyboard as passwords
3. Don't share your passwords online or over the phone
4. Protect yourself from viruses by installing anti-virus software and updating it regularly
5. Use different passwords for different websites.
6. Send credit card information only to secure sites.

original article here

CyberStalking - A Very Real Problem

(U.S.) Cyberstalking is defined as threatening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the internet and other forms of computer communications. It can involve the use of email, instant messaging, chat rooms, bulletin boards and/or other electronic communication devices to repeatedly harass or threaten another person.

The process of stalking a person in real life generally requires that the perpetrator and victim be in close physical proximity. Cyber stalkers can be across the street, the country, or the globe from their victims.

"Cyber stalking can cause the same kind of trauma to its victims as traditional forms of stalking," says Holly Quist, public health educator at the Chattanooga-Hamilton County, Tennessee Health Department. She continues, "But, behind a username, stalkers can be difficult to identify."

Most stalkers repeatedly change usernames and accounts to slow down or deter the identification process. The anonymity of the Internet makes it easier for perpetrators to carry out their attacks against their victims. The most popular targeted areas are: Live Chat or IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in which a user talks live with others, Message Boards (IM) and Email.

Cyber Stalking Prevention Tips:

• Never be gender specific- Use a neutral gender name. Use a nickname your stalker won't know if you create a new email account.
  
• Change your password often- Never share your password or personal information with anyone.
• Use the private settings on social networking sites and let friends know not to share your information.

If you do become a victim of cyber stalking, let the offender know that contact is unwanted. But when harassment continues, contact your local police authorities and collect evidence by documenting all contact by the offender.

Visit http://www.haltabuse.org for more information on cyberstalking and how to prevent becoming a victim.

The Rape Prevention Program of the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department focuses on reducing the number of rapes and educating the community on how to prevent rape from happening. Through partnerships with local domestic violence advisory boards and other local domestic violence agencies, the program is able to provide resources for contacts, educational materials, and programs. For additional information, please call (423) 209-8282.

Girl gets revenge on ex-boyfriend by spamming Google with his image

NOTE!!: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT ONLINE (forums, online dating, Facebook, etc) about Yourself and ANYONE else!!! - Sometimes even GOOGLE can't remove it!

It may be a tale as old as time but, in a modern version of 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', a teenage boy's ex-girlfriend has wreaked her revenge by spamming Google with his image.

Using a picture of hapless Jack Weppler, his former partner has pasted his image all over the search engine under such unloving messages such as 'I can't read', claiming unfashionable rocker Kenny Loggins 'is my saviour' and he's working in the gym 'on my two pack'.

He comes in for further ridicule with an assessment of his fashion sense: 'V-necks. Mom jeans' and the camp avowal 'This diva needs his stage', alongside dozens of others which are not fit to print.

The cyber-attack has left him 'stressed out and embarrassed', according to his mother, who apparently wrote to Google's webmaster help forum for advice on how to remove the images.

She wrote: 'My minor son's ex-girlfriend took a copyrighted picture of him (we own copyright) and uploaded it more than 60 times to a website.

On each image she wrote slanderous, defamatory and pornographic captions.

'The webmaster of the site states he removed the images 6 weeks ago, but Google Search still shows all the images.'

'My son is so stressed out and embarrassed and we've done everything we can to get images off of Google including URL removal tool, a letter to Google Legal with all the URLs because of copyright infringement, and nothing has worked!'

Online commentators have commiserated, but advised that no one should upset a partner with such technical knowledge of search engines.

A Google spokeswoman said: 'We crawl, index and rank millions of web pages everyday, to make content discoverable and searchable for users online.

'To get content removed, users should contact the webmaster or owner of the site where that content appears.

'They can also file a removal request with Google at: https://www.google.com/webmasters/tools/removals.'

original article here

Con Man Uses Online Dating to Net $140K

A New York lothario posing as a multimillionaire Navy commander and confidante of George Bush scammed close to $140,000 from women he met on online dating sites, according to Westchester authorities.

After cultivating relationships with women met on sites like Match.com, Jesus Nasser asked for loans, explaining that he was suddenly in dire financial straits for a host of reasons, reports the Journal News.

He has been charged with larceny, fraud and tax felonies, and faces up to 15 years if convicted.

Cyberstalker Invited Men to Woman's Home

By MARK MORRIS

As Shawn D. Memarian remembered it Wednesday, his relationship with a woman he met online in 2006 “ended in a sour way.”

Classic understatement.

Memarian, 29, of Kansas City, pleaded guilty to a federal cyberstalking charge for relentlessly harassing the woman through threatening and intimidating e-mails and by posting bogus Web ads inviting men to her home. Many men appeared — expecting sex.

Memarian, who faces up to five years in prison, said he understood that he went way over the line.

“I know what I did was wrong,” he told a federal judge before pleading guilty. “I did cause her distress, and I’m very sorry for what I did.”

The two met in mid-June 2006, while he was working as a civilian contractor at Fort Leavenworth. By July 15, the relationship had cooled. In court records, Memarian agreed that he wanted her to return some personal items and reimburse him $76 for the cost of one of their dates. He later wanted her to pay half of his lawyer’s fee for defending him against an order of protection she had filed.

In court Wednesday, Memarian said he also was upset that someone had scratched his vehicle, and he suspected it was her.

“Oh and I don’t make threats, I get even,” he wrote on July 27.

When his victim told him she was saving his e-mails for police, Memarian reminded her of claims he had made earlier that he once had dated a woman related to a Kansas City organized-crime family.

Subsequently, the woman received threatening e-mails from an alias — “Sal Civella” — created on Memarian’s computer at the Army post.

Memarian ramped up the harassment in August and began posing as the woman, creating two online personal ads on MySpace.com and Craigslist.com. He posted her phone number and home address in the ads and described her as a “sex freak” seeking sexual encounters.

She received phone calls and visits at her home from about 30 unknown men in August and September 2006.

“She did, in fact, have men knocking on her door at all hours of the day, thinking they were about to have sex with her,” said Assistant U.S. Attorney John Cowles.

Memarian also posted personal ads on Facebook.com and created a Web site on the now defunct GeoCities.com to threaten the woman. Prosecutors said that between August 2006 and May 9, 2008, the date of his arrest, he sent more than 75 threatening e-mails to the woman, who since has moved out of state.

“Since his arrest there have been no more communications,” Cowles said.

Most people who face federal charges on computer-related offenses are unaware of just how well their computers preserve evidence for investigators. Memarian would appear to be the exception.

He holds a bachelor’s degree in information systems and worked as an applications developer while at Fort Leavenworth. His resume shows skills in 11 computer languages and technologies.

Still, when the FBI and police went knocking, Army criminal investigators willingly provided a copy of the hard drive from Memarian’s government computer. That revealed evidence of the e-mail accounts he used to threaten the victim and showed how he used Facebook.com to intimidate her.

ORIGINAL

One of our exposed Predators - Jeff Dunetz/ YidwithLid - has DONE THIS SAME THING and gets away with it! (because apparently, he & his wife have 'friends' in their police department!)

Man speaks out about libelous internet posts

Gene Cooley says untrue internet posts amounted to "character assassination" and cost him his job and home in Blairsville. Now he's pushing to make such libelous posts illegal.

SOURCE

MARRIED & 'ECHEATING': A DREADFUL ALLIANCE

MARRIED & 'ECHEATING': A DREADFUL ALLIANCE
In Homer’s Odyssey (a Greek Myth) sailors were lured to their death by Sirens, mythological temptresses who sang seductive songs. Sailors called Argonauts escaped the songs, because of the great musician Orpheus. He played his lyre so beautifully, that it drowned out the songs from the Sirens. His decisive deed saved the crew from total devastation.

Today’s version of this enticement is “ECheating” - a phrase I’ve coined. “ECheating” enchants new scalawags to an internet isle. Rather than sail, today’s Argonauts surf to this island. In great numbers surfers are defying danger and destruction for a chance encounter - a rendezvous.

Here’s one such tale:
Martin leaves mornings for work before rush hour. He hates the wasted time or so he’s been coached to tell Michelle, his unwitting wife. She cleans up breakfast dishes before heading off to work an hour later. Michelle loves Martin and thinks of him throughout the day. She faithfully trusts him.

Martin is the first at work. He logs onto the internet using his personal laptop to avoid detection and violation of company policy. He follows these tips from his team of “eCheating” consultants. Martin receives many hits just a few days after setting up his “eCheating” membership profile. He only has seconds to wait. With his coffee still steaming, seventeen women want to hear from him. Several want dialogue, others want extra. Nervously rolling his wedding band around his finger Martin is tempted to read them all. He’s overcome will excitement, finally the monotony is gone! (That’s the Siren’s seductive song.)

“Your name is Cindy; you live in Seattle and need to spice up your marriage. This is your first time too? You enjoy things that might make some blush……Oh no, what am I doing?”

Martin says under his breath. With a quick click of the mouse Martin’s off the net - escaping what seemed like a crime he’s committed. His heart beat races. Martin is both scared and energized. For now signing off is the right thing. “That’s it, no more,” Martin says to himself. “Well at least they helped me cover my tracks. Michelle will never know I signed up.”

Almost coincidentally, Martin’s boss passes the cubicle with a routine welcome. “Oh not bad Paul, thanks for asking… Man that was close! I can’t believe what I’m doing. I’m married; what am I crazy; I’ve got so much to lose. What would the kids do if they found out?” Martin asks himself.

Unfortunately, Martin yields to his desires and a rendezvous devised. His next business trip provides the perfect alibi. He will meet his chosen “eCheater” at a nearby convention hotel. Michelle remains clueless.

But wait, “eCheating” serves a compelling purpose, true? Just listen to one slogan “When Monogamy becomes Monotony.” This catchphrase conjures up a sense of justification or reason. It includes not just a sex theme, but a sense of fellowship.

Does marriage end when it’s unexciting?

Is in fact adultery the answer?

These new dreadful alliances would lead you to believe it is!

I am deeply troubled these “eCheating” businesses are flourishing! Isn’t it time we put an end to them? How? What can YOU do about them?

Be proactive.

Get informed.

Search adultery keywords for banner ads.

Learn these “ECheating” sites by name.

Search computer history for visits to them.

Don't get another computer or laptop - install a Keylogger on THEIR computer.

Install spy ware on home PC – yours of course.

Keep an eye on credit cards statements.

Monitor computer usage.

Paying attention to your relationship.

Fight for your marriage and spouse – seek help.

Don’t use God or the Bible as a weapon in confrontations.

Therapy sessions don’t work if you are forcing them.

Don’t require your spouse to go to therapy – it will deliberately fail after a few sessions and be used against you.

Safeguard your homes and kids from the internet.

Make time to watch the eHighway carefully for those hazardous detours.

Communicate better.

Recognize the signs of adultery early on.

If you don’t know them, I can help you.

You are not alone… let’s break these alliances together.

To receive a free special report entitled Emergency Infidelity Survival Plan—Top Fifteen Steps to Implement Right Now! send an e-mail to mitchellreports@bellsouth.net, with “Emergency Plan” in the subject line. We will respect your privacy.

Victims & Abusers: Both Use Technology

By Shannon Proudfoot

Technology has moved to the front lines in the fight against domestic violence.

Advocacy organizations are using increasingly sophisticated high-tech solutions in their efforts to keep victims safe, even as they struggle to keep pace with abusers using technology to control and threaten their victims.

"Worldwide, it's an epidemic," says Alexis A. Moore, an abuse survivor and founder of the California-based victim advocacy group Survivors in Action.

"Perpetrators are changing their information and their manoeuvres. Their road map changes by the hour, where our training and education and awareness programs happen on a yearly basis, if that. Laws take years to develop."

GPS devices on vehicles or cellphones can be used to track a victim's movement without their knowledge and abusers can hack into their victim's online accounts to track e-mails or instant-messages, says Cynthia Fraser, a technology safety specialist with the Washington-based National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV).

Advocates first started hearing about high-tech abuse a decade ago, she says, but it's becoming a bigger problem because the technology is so widely and cheaply available. Even abusers who are not tech-savvy can learn how to stalk their partner with the help of the Internet, Fraser says.

The consequences of leaving a digital trail can be deadly. Fraser recalls one case where an abused woman wrote an e-mail about her plans to leave but didn't empty her computer trash bin after deleting the message. Her abuser found the message and killed her.

Fraser works with Safety Net, a project that focuses on technology and domestic abuse, and she's conducted training in Canada with law enforcement, Crown attorneys and shelter workers. Like other advocates, she's careful about how much detail she provides on this type of abuse and efforts to counter it because she doesn't want to "educate abusers."

"Technology has just added another layer to the complexities of women's safety," says Erin Lee-Todd, executive director of Lanark County Interval House, a shelter near Ottawa. "We just have to move with the times."

In Canada, most shelter websites prominently display warnings to victims that their online activities may be monitored, and many have escape buttons that switch to an innocuous website if someone walks into the room. Telecommunications companies have donated new cellphones and airtime to victims who fear their abusers may be tracking their communication or whereabouts with their regular phone.

E-Services, an online counselling program that allows shelters to provide live chat help to clients, is currently being rolled out across Canada by Shelternet, a Toronto-based organization that provides online resources to shelters and abuse victims.

Like those of many advocacy groups, the E-Services website has detailed instructions for clearing browser histories to help victims cover their online tracks, says project manager Tammy Falovo. But the widespread availability of spyware programs that can grab regular screen shots or log every keystroke on a computer and send the information to an abuser means that's no longer enough, she says.

"What we try to do is remind people that no medium is 100 per cent safe," Falovo says.

Many organizations now advise victims to seek help only on computers located in a safe place such as a public library or workplace, and to create a safe e-mail address they only use on computers the abuser has no access to.

The goal is to educate abused women and their children about the high-tech risks without frightening them even more, says Lee-Todd. But while the methods of abuse and stalking may be changing, she says the underlying motivation remains the same.

"The issues are still about power and control, and they're still rooted in that," she says. "Technology has afforded the opportunity to do that more strategically and often in a more sophisticated way."

For Moore, even a professional background as a high-tech investigator didn't protect her when she left an abusive partner several years ago. He began a campaign of "cyberstalking" that involved cancelling her credit cards, emptying her bank account and destroying her credit rating, she says, and like most intimate partners, he knew all the personal information and passwords that allowed him to do so.

Now a cyberstalking expert and founder of the California-based victim advocacy group Survivors in Action, Moore says some abusers will open e-mail accounts and impersonate their victims to seek information or send out naked photos — real or faked — to embarrass them.

"You can't believe what some of them do," she says.*

ARTICLE HERE

(*EOPC can believe it... )

Online dating is about game theory — not looks

Flawed business model behind Web site for the hot misses the point
By Helen A.S. Popkin

Since when do über hotties need a specialized online dating service? If evolutionary psychology and People magazine teach us anything, it’s this: When it comes to hooking up, the only thing the most attractive of the species need do is walk outside.

Hence the intrinsically flawed business model behind HotEnough.org, a matchmaking Web site exclusively for “fit, good-looking people.” Access to this database of desirability is granted to those ranked 8 or higher by HotEnough.org’s current members — those symmetrical few who themselves land on the high end of the Bo Derek periodic table. Only then are you allowed to pay $9.95 a month for the privilege of e-hitting on the site’s 1,000 or so members.

Whatever.

Do I read bitter? I assure you it’s only because I’m generally filled with black and hate. There’s no special loathing reserved for the attractive insecure, and certainly the Internet has been nothing but great to me. EBay tchatzkahs, dogs, and yes, even eligible (and handsome) bachelors, I find whatever I want in six clicks or less.

Strategy is the key to my success - honed from an embarrassing amount of years lurking on bulletin boards and social networking sites. As more people post their personals, online dating has gone from just trying to hook up to deeply layered game theory. Niche sites like HotEnough.org may seem like a tempting, time-saving filter - eliminating the risk of dating, or Heaven forbid, falling for, a genetic inferior. But like so many other things on the InterWeb, it’s an illusion.

HotEnough.org is going to fail, and not because it caters to a niche crowd. Hey, I read “The LongTail: Why the Future of Business is Selling More” by Chris Anderson (OK, I just read the Amazon review). This millennium, it’s all about serving niches. Certainly, there are plenty of successful specialized, online dating sites outside of the big catch-alls like eHarmony and Match.com, JDate, FarmersOnly.com, Gothic Match and Green Friends.

HotEnough.org is going to fail because Darwin says so. Any skin-deep beauty seeking love on the Internet is guaranteed damaged down to the bone. Yeah, yeah, they’re soooooooo busy, they “just don’t have time” to meet attractive equals offline. Guess what? Making movies is a major time suck, yet Johnny Depp sure didn’t meet Winona Rider, Kate Moss or Vanessa Paradis in cyberspace.

Non-psychotic pretty people don’t seek peer validation from exclusive dating sites.

They’re busy adopting third world orphans and designing clothing lines for H&M.

Meanwhile, for us above-average-to-ugly people, the Internet is a viable and respectable place to find love or something like it. It’s what Al Gore intended. Unlike those out-of-touch few who doubt the Internet’s ability to help you find a real world mate, I totally buy the empirical proof. Heck, I am the empirical proof. The Internet provided me with at least two decent relationships and countless ego-boosting flirtations. (Seeking peer validation is perfectly acceptable for us 7s and under.)

The Internet helped me hook up with an OK guy who we’ll call Boy Millionaire. Charming and hilarious, Boy Millionaire looked great on paper (I saw his tax return). He also came with a complete leather-bound set of emotional issues — just like I like ‘em. Alas, it was not to be. After four and a half months, I ended it via e-mail. (Don’t judge me — it’s what he preferred.) Still, it counts as successful. Our brief infatuation excised me forever from an offline icky gum-on-your-shoe relationship that I previously failed to end on my own. Is there nothing the Internet can’t do?

I found my current gentleman friend on Friendster - a broke-ass Brooklyn artist of the conceptual variety. For Art Boy, I deviated from my usual e-flirting strategy and contacted him first. There was no way of knowing if he was “hot enough” or what, because instead of a photo, Art Boy posted an illustration of himself as a cartoon. I really like cartoons. Three or four years later, we’re still together, which counts as successful, too, I guess. Of course, Art Boy came with his own beautifully engraved bound volume set of issues. But hey, that’s me. There are probably plenty of well-adjusted potential mates to be found online … if that’s what you’re into.

To be fair, finding what, or who, you want online is made easier or harder by your geographical location. Many national online dating sites feature a smorgasbord of eligible lovelies in New York City. Change your search location to say, Tampa, Fla., however, and it’s humanity at low tide.

Of course, there are plenty of online losers within the New York City tri-state area. You just have to know the signs. For example, anyone who lists “9/11” as their “most humbling experience” is a poseur. Same goes for anyone claiming “Confederacy of Dunces” as their favorite book. Fine, if that’s your favorite book. Hey, it could happen. But if you list it in your profile, you’re trying too hard to look too cool.

Whether you’re creating your online profile, or scanning through those of others, online dating is a tricky business at best. Hot or not, online dating isn’t about you. It’s about who you want to be, and who you want Imaginary You to date. Just like offline dating. Except in the real world, you can’t use Photoshop.

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Australian Man Pleads Guilty to CyberHarassment & Cyberstalking

by Mark Oberhardt

A BIOTECHNOLOGY expert who couldn't deal with rejection from women bombarded four of them with abusive e-mails and texts after they spurned his advances, a court has heard.

Jason Ronald Vaughan, 35, made his second appearance in the District Court in Brisbane on charges arising out of harassing women he met and who didn't want anything to do with him.

Last year a District Court jury found Vaughan guilty of unlawfully stalking an artist who he met at a gallery where she displayed her work.

He was sentenced 2 1/2 years' probation and 240 hours' community service.

The trial heard despite the fact the woman had a boyfriend and told Vaughan she wanted nothing to do with him, he constantly phoned and sent her messages and emails from July to August 2008.

The artist gave up painting and stopped exhibiting her artwork in the gallery.

Vaughan failed in an appeal against his conviction late last year.

In the District Court today, Vaughan pleaded guilty to four counts of using a carriageway to harass, menance or cause offence between 2005 and 2007.

Commonwealth prosecutor Stuart Shearer said while Vaughan was this time charged under federal law the offences were very similar to the stalking charge from Vaughan's trail last year.

The offences involved three women - Vaughan's former girlfriend, a university student he met on a bus, and a woman he met at a nightclub in Paddington.

Mr Shearer said it involved Vaughan behaving in an aggressive and persistent manner when rejected by women.

"He has an inability to accept and deal with rejection from women . . . this conduct is almost routine to him," Mr Shearer said.

The texts and e-mails were usually juvenile and overtly sexual and phone calls usually started out calmly before Vaughan became angry, Mr Shearer added.

In a written statement of agreed facts showed Vaughan sent messages such as: "What was I ever doing with a walrus like you" or "You vile piece of filth - you will pay 4 what you've done."

Barrister Aaron Simpson, for Vaughan, said his client had a science degree and worked in the biotechnology field. He said Vaughan had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression. Mr Simpson said Vaughan had taken steps to address his problems by seeking medical help and assistance.

Judge Tony Rafter, SC, said in many ways he's a despicable person because his behaviour was not isolated. He said, however, after taking mitigating factors into account he would sentence Vaughan to 12 months' jail but release him immediately on a $2000 good behaviour bond for two years.

Judge Rafter also accepted a request from state prosecutors to revoke the community service order from the stalking convictions.

original article here

Social Networking: A Bonanza for Stalkers?

"Vengeance will be mine...," declared a defiant message on MySpace.com. "I should have killed you all when I had a gun and some drugs." This violent monologue, one of several postings on the writer's site, threatened his ex-wife, who had fled the state to escape his abuse. In postings on other sites, he demanded photos of his family and warned that if he didn't get to see the kids, "it isn't going to be real good, because I'm gonna see them whether you let me or not."[1]

The increasing use of MySpace to threaten and stalk victims raises many important questions. Do social networking sites enable stalking? What recourse do victims have when these sites are used to stalk? And what tools can help block the use of these sites to stalk?

What Are Social Networking Sites?
Social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook are virtual communities where people with mutual interests meet on-line to share information and build relationships. Site visitors can chat, debate, network, and socialize. On many sites, members may post details about themselves-photos; educational backgrounds; favorite books, movies, and music; and relationship status. Others sites promote business, activism, networking, counseling, socializing, or many types of recreational interests. Sites such as MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, and Xanga have attracted millions of members, particularly among teenagers and young adults.


How Do They Work?
On many social networking sites, anyone with a computer and Internet access can become a member. Some sites require only an e-mail address, and many sites have no system to verify the validity of information that registrants provide. A few sites, including MySpace and Friendster, have minimum age requirements (14 and 16, respectively) although these sites have no reliable method to verify a user's age. Once a member, anyone can post personal information, images, music, or other data on their Web pages, depending on the site's features. On many sites, members select a circle of "friends" who can post messages on their profiles, add comments, or access pages not visible to other users. Unless the site allows members to control access to specific information (and members actually exercise those options), everything posted on a profile may be visible to all site visitors. Most sites require members to agree to terms of proper conduct, but enforcement of such terms is sporadic and often depends on members to report violations.[2]


Links to Stalking
The attractions of social networking-access to an ever-widening world of "friends"-can lead users to overlook the pitfalls of these sites. Young people, in particular, may tend to view such sites as "part of their own little world,"3 not a public bulletin board with millions of other visitors. They may not recognize that posting personal information may lead to contacts from sexual predators, identity theft, fraud, or stalking-or that anyone could post a bogus profile to disparage, misrepresent, harass, threaten, or embarrass them.[3]

Cases
Several recent cases suggest how stalkers and predators are beginning to use social networking sites. In the months before the Virginia Tech massacre, the shooter, Seung-Hui Cho, allegedly used Facebook to locate and stalk female classmates.[4] In July 2007, authorities inLorager, Louisiana, arrested a 17-year old for stalking and cyberstalking another teenage boy. The alleged stalker's MySpace page featured a video of the accused pistol-whipping another boy posing as the victim.[5]

In 2006, a University of Kansas student received death threats from someone who found her class schedule on-line. He posted photos from the victim's MySpace account on his own site, along with insults about her appearance and her major.[6] Also last year, National Public Radio's Veronica Miller discovered "Becky," a MySpace "cyber twin" who had copied a photo of Miller from Facebook and published it-along with photos of Miller's family-on the imposter's site. Although Miller's impersonator did not threaten or stalk her (and MySpace promptly removed "Becky's" site), the incident shows the potential of such sites for stalking or harassment.[7]

Features to Watch
Several social networking site features may increase users' vulnerability to stalkers and other predators. For example, new MySpace members are asked to supply a name or nickname and information about their marital status, sexual orientation, hometown, school, religion, education, interests (e.g., music, movies, television, books, and heroes), children, or income. Although most of these questions are optional, users may automatically answer them because they are using the site to meet other people. On many sites, all these answers go "public," remaining open to anyone who uses the site. Stalkers may use such information to gain access to site members.

Many social networking sites (e.g., Stalkerati) also have search tools that can simultaneously pull personal information about the same person from a number of different sites, including MySpace, Friendster, Flickr and Google. A recently shut-down site called fbstalker.com tracked changes in the profiles of users' friends while saving copies of each page to compare to subsequently updated files.5 Other sites, such as Profilesnoop and Link View, allow visitors to trace a user's Internet Protocol (IP) address (and even physical location on Google Maps) with many social networking sites, including Facebook.[8]

Stalkers can also use social networking sites to introduce spyware into the computers of their victims. Spyware infection rates are increasing, an anti-spyware company spokesman told Business Week, in part because "people are creating multiple profiles, and the links on their sites will take you to sites that will download adware and spyware."[9] Stalkers can exploit this vulnerability on their victims' profile pages. Once downloaded, spyware can help stalkers gather information about all their victims' computer activity, including e-mails, chats, instant messages, keystrokes, passwords, and Web sites visited.

Legal Recourse
Stalkers who use social networking sites as part of a pattern of stalking may be subject to criminal charges. For example, someone who repeatedly follows and tracks a victim in her car, as well as posts a lewd photo of the victim on a social networking site, can be charged with the crime of stalking. Also in many states, cyberstalking statutes enable prosecutors to charge those who use technology to stalk and harass their victims. Other states have general stalking laws that define ‘pattern of conduct' broadly enough to cover the use of technology to stalk. Most of these laws are relatively new, however, and few cases involving social networking sites have yet been prosecuted.

Victims also have options in civil or family courts. They can seek protective orders against stalkers, who can be ordered not to contact the victim, including not using any form of electronic communications to stalk the victim. Victims may also be able to file a civil tort case against their stalker, seeking damages for the impact of stalking on their lives. Also, under certain conditions, victims can sue social networking sites for failure to remove offensive or defamatory material regarding the victim from the site.

New Laws
Lawmakers are starting to propose measures to govern the use of social networking sites. In April 2007, for example, the California legislature introduced a bill to prevent individuals from using social networking sites to incite harassment or abuse against an individual. Harassment would include posting digital images or messages on Web sites to cause fear, harassment, or harm to an individual.[10]

Prevention: The Best Defense
The best defense against social networking site stalking is to use the sites with extreme caution. Wise users carefully consider what they post (see "Think Before You Post). Last names, school names, favorite hangouts, phone numbers, and addresses make it easy for stalkers to locate victims. Photos with identifiers (like school names or locations) also increase a victim's vulnerability. Posted information is permanently public. "You can't take it back," warn experts Larry Magid and Anne Collier, about information posted on-line. "Deleted" information can be recovered, for example, from Google's cache of deleted and changed Web pages and from Internet Archive (archive.org), which offers access to deleted postings.[11]

Users can also boost security by limiting on-line "friends" to people they actually know and by activating all available privacy settings. Since June 2006, MySpace has allowed all users to keep their profiles private-open only to those designated as "friends." MySpace also offers other privacy options: to control how others may add their names to friends lists, to approve friends' comments before hosting, to hide the feature that shows when they are on-line, or to prevent e-mailing photos. To activate these features, members must change their settings and choose the privacy options they prefer. Although stalkers can find ways around these protections, members who use them are less vulnerable than those who do not.[12]

Networking Safely
The social networking revolution presents complex dilemmas. The convenience and appeal of these sites are undeniable, and stalking cases that involve social networking are still quite rare. Yet as stalkers diversify their tactics, they are likely to exploit any available technology. For stalking victims as well as the public, safe social networking will require awareness and vigilance.

As the Stalking Resource Center continues to track this issue, we welcome insights from the field about these sites, related cases, and new features to keep them safe. We will periodically report our findings at www.ncvc.org/src. For more information, please visit the SRC Web site or call 202-467-8700.


[1] As told to staff by a stalking survivor.

[2] Massachusetts Attorney General, "Consumer Advisory: AG Reilly Warns Parents about the Potential Dangers of Children Using Social Networking Sites Such and MySpace and Xanga," August 29, 2006, www.ago.state.ma.us/sp.cfm?pageid=986&id=1710 (accessed February 26, 2007).

[3] Justin Pope, "Colleges Warn about Networking Sites," the Associated Press, August 2, 2006 (accessed March 4, 2007).

[4] Adam Geller, "VA Gunman Had 2 Past Stalking Cases," Associated Press, April 18, 2007, www.newsday.com (accessed July 24, 2007).

[5] Florida Parishes Bureau, "Loranger Teen Booked in Threats to Harm Other Teen, Cyberstalking," Capital City Press, July 12, 2007.

[6] KUJH-TV News, "Facebook Used to Aid Stalkers, May 4, 2006, www.tv.ku.edu/newsd (accessed March 5, 2007).

[7] Veronica Miller, "Stalking Becky, The Girl Who Stole MySpace," National Public Radio, All Things Considered, August 6, 2006, http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5622009 (accessed July 25, 2007).

[8] Andy Meyers, "On-line Stalking Nothing New," The Brandeis Hoot, September 8, 2006, www.thehoot.net (accessed March 5, 2007).

[9] Arik Hesseldahl, "Social Networking Sites a ‘Hotbed' for Spyware, Business Week, August 18, 2006, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14413906, (accessed October 12, 2007).

[10] Jaikuman Vijayan, "California Eyes Stronger Cyberstalking Laws, ComputerWorld Government, 04/25/07. www.computerworld.com (accessed July 24, 2007).

[11] Larry Magid and Elaine Collier, Myspace Unraveled: A Parent's Guide to Teen Social Networking, Berkeley, CA: Peachpit Press, 2007, pp. 122-3.

[12] Ibid.

original post here

Recovering When Your Email is Hacked

It could happen to you. An unbelievable computer hoax that took many people by surprise. Investigators call it the 419 scam or the Nigerian scam.

Computer hackers find a way into your email accounts and send out hundreds of bogus messages saying. In this case, they say you are stranded in another country and need money.

It happened to our very own travel expert Sue McCarthy. She shared her story of getting her email and Facebook accounts straightened out.

original article here

Cyberstalker Had an "Emotional Void"

EOPC WOULD CALL THAT "VOID" - PROBABLE PSYCHOPATHY!
Sounds exactly like Lissa Daly!


(STAMFORD, CT) Fabricated doctors. Illegal medical procedures. Rerouted cell phone calls. Phony text messages.

Police say they have never dealt with a case quite like it.

For members of the Stamford Police Department's Special Victims Unit, the case began in June, when Deborah, a 39-year-old Stamford resident who did not want her last name used to protect her family, told police she suspected her friend of stalking her, an arrest affidavit states.

Deborah's friend, Jennifer Mardi, 36, was a trained emergency response technician who worked a short stint as a paramedic with Stamford Emergency Medical Services that ended in November 2007.

Police say Mardi wrapped up Deborah in a fictional world in which Mardi used e-mails and text messages to pose as a man who was a friend of both women. Mardi manufactured a medical drama involving the man, creating 14 fictional characters -- some with their own cell phones and e-mail addresses, all tended by Mardi -- to keep the story going, police said.

One of the fictional characters was a doctor in whom Deborah confided her medical problems, police said. From February 2007 to April 2008, on advice from the fictional doctor, Mardi administered fluids and drew blood from Deborah 38 times, according to police, an interview with Deborah and an arrest affidavit.

Mardi began the charade to keep in close contact with Deborah, police said.

After a six-month investigation, police arrested Mardi on Dec. 5, charging her with 38 counts of unlawful use of paramedicine, 38 counts of third-degree assault and 38 counts of first-degree reckless endangerment, all related to the medical procedures. They also charged her with practicing medicine without a license and third-degree larceny, which are felonies.

"This is not something that comes up a lot, if at all during one's career," said Sgt. Gary Perna, a superviser in the Special Victims Unit who has been a police officer for 20 years. "We deal with a lot of criminal investigations, but nothing like this."

When Deborah went to the police station to file her statement, officers told her to type up the timeline of events. It took Deborah two to three weeks to complete a 10-page statement detailing the 20-month relationship, said Officer Heather Franc, an investigator.

It was a confusing case that challenged police to identify criminal actions, Franc said.

Mardi replaced their mutual friend's cell phone number with her own in Deborah's cell phone, then began sending text messages to Deborah as if she, Mardi, were the friend, police said.

Mardi convinced Deborah their friend was seriously ill with a severe calcium deficiency and couldn't speak, so text messages and e-mails were the only means of communication, police said.

"She had an emotional void that needed to be filled," Franc said of Mardi.

Police said Mardi introduced Deborah to a team of doctors, nurses, therapists and priests who were treating their "sick" friend. Not one was a real person. They all contacted Deborah through texts or e-mails; Deborah never spoke to any of them, police said.

"You kind of lose sight of what was real and what wasn't," Deborah said. "She consumed my entire days and nights with all this -- at work, text messages and e-mails, and on the computer to all hours of the night thinking someone is sick."

Mardi did not return a message left with someone who answered her cell phone. It is unknown whether she has hired a lawyer.

Deborah told police her friendship with Mardi began in 2005 at the pool outside her parents' condominium complex. The friendship quickly turned all-consuming, Deborah told police.

Deborah asked for more space and time apart from Mardi. But Mardi would find ways to be near Deborah's family by coaching her children's softball and basketball teams.

According to the arrest affidavit, the story line began after a Halloween party in October 2006, which their friend did not attend because he felt sick. Mardi told Deborah she had driven the friend to the emergency room and that he was violently ill.

Mardi became the liaison between Deborah and the man, who later told police he knew nothing of the Halloween party and was never speechless and bedridden in an out-of-state hospital.

Deborah began texting her friend for medical updates, but the messages went to Mardi, who used her experience as a paramedic and information from the Internet to pose as medical professionals.

Deborah became so concerned with the well-being of her friend that she began cooking food for him and bought him more than $1,000 worth of gifts, including clothes, blankets, video games, pornography and an mp3 player, the affidavit states.

The "sick" friend sent flowers to Deborah's office to show his appreciation, the affidavit states.

Deborah told police she befriended a doctor who was treating her "sick" friend. She told the fictional "Dr. Shorty" about her medical ailments and he diagnosed her by e-mail, saying she was dehydrated and needed fluids.

"Dr. Shorty" arranged to have Mardi deliver Deborah's medical records to him and had Mardi draw blood from Deborah, administer intravenous drips and inject vitamins, the affidavit states.

"I know she's a medic and I know it's her job," Deborah said of Mardi, who also was a licensed paramedic in New York. "I didn't feel like I was in danger at any point. It was basically a way to be with me and care for me. It was odd. It was another way for her to be close."

The ruse appears to have unraveled in June, when Deborah jumped into Mardi's car after the weather turned bad during her child's softball game. Sitting in the car, Deborah sent a text message to their "sick" friend's cell phone and heard a buzzing sound. She looked around the car and found a phone in a door compartment. The text message she had just sent appeared on the phone she found, the arrest affidavit states. She sent another text message, and it appeared on the phone again.

Deborah told police that she suspected Mardi of stalking her. Mardi later told police she paid someone to program her cell phone to intercept text messages, the affidavit states. Eventually Mardi told police she created the fictional world using new cell phones and e-mail accounts.

Deborah told police in August that Mardi's boyfriend had revealed the schemes to her, the affidavit states.

Deborah said she does not sympathize with her former friend -- she is only relieved that Mardi can no longer preoccupy her family with lies.

Mardi is slated to appear Dec. 22 in state Superior Court in Stamford. She was released on a $10,000 bond.

SOURCE

Duped on Muslim Matchmaking Site

Every year, according to the New York Times, some 20 million Americans seek love or relationships through matchmaking websites.

Many succeed. You can tailor a search to particular interests, and short-circuit fruitless dates.

But there's also that unknown element about the person one meets in a vacuum, without a community to vouch for him or her. The Dec. 18 Times story told of the dangers of ending up with a sexual predator, a convicted felon or someone who's already married.

Sherri Abdelmawgoud, now of Urbandale, is learning about online matchmaking the hard way. "
The person I thought he was never existed," she said this week of her husband.

Sherri Welch met Ahmed Abdelmawgoud through a dating site two years ago, when she was 28 and he was 26, as she recalls. She was living in Las Vegas, where he said he was visiting a friend, having been in America a few months with plans to get his master's in mechanical engineering.

Her Egyptian Prince Charming was handsome, playful, attentive and won the hearts of all her
relatives. She liked the old-fashioned image he projected — a devout Muslim virgin who didn't
believe in holding hands before marriage. Three months later they wed in a Muslim ceremony in
Texas where Sherri followed her parents to live.

She converted to Islam, and began wearing a head scarf, as some Muslim women do. Ahmed got hired at a computer repair shop and enrolled in a university. "I was blinded by love," she says, "and he was a very charismatic guy. "

Sherri says they were working on starting a family when, back in Texas a month ago, her eyes fell
upon his open e-mails. There were love notes to and from another woman, and something that
looked like a marriage certificate.

It was in Arabic, but had pictures of him and a woman, and fingerprints. When Sherri confronted Ahmed, he shrugged off the other woman as an obsessed ex-girlfriend. Unconvinced, Sherri e-
mailed her.

What she got in return, she says, made her feel "like I died that day." It was a studio photo of a glamorous woman in what looks like a Western bridal gown, stretched out on Sherri's husband's
knee.

Based on subsequent e-mails and instant messages, Sherri says the woman, identified as Dalia, lives in Egypt and told her she's been married to Ahmed five years. Sherri says Ahmed would neither confirm nor deny the marriage when she questioned him, instead packing up all his belongings and saying he was flying to Egypt to be with his dying father. He quit work, missed final exams and drained their bank account, Sherri says.

In a phone interview Tuesday from Texas, Ahmed denied Sherri's allegation that he's married to Dalia, telling me, "I am having problems with my wife ... I will prove to my wife it's not true." Reached in Egypt later, Dalia denied to me that she and Ahmed are married. But Sherri says she found a Facebook page of Dalia's — since removed — naming Ahmed as her husband, with pictures.

The ironies are hard to miss. While Ahmed wanted his American wife to stay home and care for the house, the Egyptian woman is a self-described professional. In the picture she sent Sherri, there was no Muslim head covering, either.

In retrospect, Sherri sees things she might have questioned more. She never met any of Ahmed's friends. She never spoke to his parents in Egypt; he told her they disapproved because she wasn't Egyptian. In June, he left for 40 days, claiming he needed to take his father to Spain for cancer surgery. He rarely contacted Sherri in that period. Dalia told her she was with him in Spain, and that his father never had cancer.

Sherri showed me e-mails sent from Dalia this month. In one, Dalia said Ahmed is with her all the time and denies everything Sherri said. Ahmed called Sherri from Egypt this month and told her he never loved her. "I think he loved me in some way," Sherri says, but wonders. "I don't understand how a person can look at you every day and (act) so sincere. I could never do that to somebody, even if I hated them."

Asked why she thinks Ahmed married her, Sherri shrugs. To get a visa? He did, though it could be revoked if the government finds it was fraudulently obtained. To have someone cook and clean for him? Did he just get lonely? One thing Sherri insists is that his Muslim faith not be blamed.

Sherri turns 30 today, but the big celebration her husband had promised won't take place. She has no income, job or car, and can't afford a divorce lawyer or name change. She fears the Ahmed she didn't know, cries a lot, and wonders how she can trust again.

New York and New Jersey require matchmaker sites to post safety tips. But Sherri already knew to take precautions like meeting in public places.

Her experience is a painful reminder that even with criminal background checks, which all such sites should be required to perform, trust cannot be given unconditionally. The cliche taught to journalists is true for everyone in the Internet age: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.

original article here

Online Reputation and Personal Responsibility

Sites are cropping up all over the internet that promise to protect your reputation online. This started me thinking about online reputation and personal responsibility in the face of an ever shrinking online world.

At what point does our personal responsibility for our own online reputation end?

In this internet age, your reputation is not just everything, it's everywhere.

Logging on to sites like FaceBook and MySpace, we are confronted with the changing face of society. A younger set perfectly content to put every detail of their lives online, without regard to the consequences. What effect does this propensity of information and lowering of boundaries have on the average individual's future? On the average company?

The answer is that it can adversely effect both individual and company in a variety of ways. Most people who have been online longer than ten minutes know the term "to get dooced" mean to be fired for blogging during/about work. The term was coined for blogger Heather Armstrong, who writes the blog Dooce, and who was one of the first bloggers to find out just how entwined your online reputation is with your offline one. It worked out well for Dooce (her blog is still going strong), but in most cases it works out poorly for he individual.

A company can face even more serious repercussions if its reputation goes in the toilet online. That is why so many companies are adopting strict policies blocking and/or regulating access to the internet at work. One slip by an employee on their personal site, blog or social network profile page can have a company facing serious repercussions for leaked products and other fiascos. That doesn't even begin to touch on how employee conduct may reflect on certain organizations that depend on having a clean reputation to do business.

Add in to the mix the anonymity of the web, which makes people lower their guard even further, and you can have a real mess on your hands. Most people will change their behavior if they think they can get away with it, and the web breeds an erroneous feeling that "no one can see the real you". In face, online, everyone can see the real you. All of the information that has ever been online about you, both private and public, is usually only a few clicks away. That's a sobering thought that most people don't ever pause to consider.

Companies have been cropping up in recent months to handle the new need for online reputation monitoring in the age of hyper connectivity. Some of these companies, like Techrigy, got their start as something else (in the case of Techrigy, a blog backup service is evolving into a reputation protector for companies). Reputation Defender is making a name for itself helping several women lawyers manage their images after they viciously attacked online. Other companies cropping up to help either companies or individuals keep their reputations and identitiy intact include: Stolen ID Search, MyPublicInfo, Claim ID, Naymz, Choice Point, and new uses for old school application LexusNexus.

All of those companies charge steep fee for what amounts to little more than damage control. Once your reputation flounders online, the ensuing ripple effect is often hard to staunch before it becomes a river. For all attacks on individual reputations, a little discretion fro the moment you first log onto a computer and start posting information about yourself would go a long way. Unfortunately, sometimes even the most cautious and circumspect can fall afoul of a vindictive soul (or souls). There are always going to be internet users who see the curtain of anonymity as license to be abusive and libel others, and they are hard to shake once they become fixated on someone.

Companies have their share of zealot opponents too, but they have an easier time dealing with them. By having a response come from the top of the organization immediately upon being faced with a problem, being sincere, and keeping the response as transparent as possible, a company can do much to staunch the hemorrhaging of its reputation due to one incident (the Gizmodo response to the indictment of its action at CES was one example of how not to act when your reputation is challenged online). If a company hasn't been careful with its reputation in the past, or simply puts out a terrible product or service that gets more than just a little bad feedback, they maybe they need to hire an online reputation repair service after all.

In my view, personal responsibility goes much further than damage control. Face the fact that unless you have been hyper-vigilant every minute of every day both on and offline, chances are you have something stupid, somewhere, sometime. Even greater are the chance that you or someone else got it on camera, blogged it or otherwise put it out there for the world to see. When that happens, being as forthright as possible about your own actions will go much farther to correct the situation than an online reputation management firm ever could.

In the end, your online reputation is up to you, the individual, and you, the company. Education is key - know where your data is going to be used, and how.

Pay attention to how you present yourself online. Take note of your actions and how they could be construed by others. Behave online as if your mother was looking over your shoulder, instead of as if you were hiding behind a curtain of anonymity, free to be as hurtful as you please. Remember that there are consequences for your actions, even online, though they may not be the ones you expect. If all else fails, face the music with square shoulders and a responsible attitude.

SOURCE