Yidwithlid / GRIDNEY's Target #1 tells the beginning of her story. We have added some portions from the numerous chats we received to emphasize what was going on and to further illustrate Yidwithlid's manipulative pattern. (remember: we do NOT SUBSTANTIVELY EDIT THE CHATS WE USE. We may delete for brevity, personal information or possibly sexually charged items. BUT WE DO NOT EDIT as it would be fraud to reproduce chats online that never occurred! Also, in this case - forensics had verified everything.)
Target #1 was extremely specific about what we could and couldn't use - including Yidwithlids real name, location or anything about his partner or family) Please take another look at the post on ONLINE SEDUCING this week. This predator is a prime example of that pickupguide.com, NLP seduction in action.
Again our comments are in dark blue.
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Target #1: I had known Yidwithlid for years. It never occured to me that someone would use my friendship to gain my trust and then BRAINWASH me. That's what my counselors told me over & over again - brainwash. I didn't believe it myself until after this was all over and therapists helped me dissect what had been done. Sometimes I still don't believe it.
Yidwithlid was unemployed at the time he contacted me (formerly a publisher of a national magazine) so had the time to IM me every day. I was surprised he remembered me.
"Target": Were you LOOKING for me on Classmates.com?
Yidwithlid: No
Yidwithlid: To be honest I was loking for someone else and saw your name.
Yidwithlid: So I paid and got your email (Yid currently alleges Target #1 has been 'stalking him for years' - here it is in his own words - THAT'S A LIE - HE FOUND HER!)
Yidwithlid: I never ever forgot you (sure he did! he forgot until he was bored and needed a free sexual target!)
"Target":Well, you had 27 years to contact me and didn't.
Yidwithlid: Life happens
Yidwithlid: I thoght [mutual friend] made you think I was a ***hole. (puts Target on the defensive)
"Target":no. but oddly enough, I thought he made you think I was a jerk too.
Yidwithlid: yeah? (notice he never really answers the above comment)
"Target": but you never got in touch with me.
Yidwithlid: you either with me
"Target": a lady doesnt' look up a man, even as friends
Yidwithlid: water under the bridge. I was young tryng to b macho
Yidwithlid: pulled back about my feelings and scared then
Yidwithlid: whenever I felt I was losing, I cold hear your vioce in my head.
Yidwithlid: you were always encoraging me
"Target": I am that way with everyone
Yidwithlid: I was a fool - you were wondrful
"Target": no I wasn't
We caught up, talked about our lives. Jobs, etc. He sent me loads of pictures of himself, his wife and his kids; which I now realize was sheer torture because eventually he refused to introduce me to them and make this normal - so if you don't want to be my real friend, why send all those pictures of his kids, family events? (purposely mixed messages to keep her off balance! additionally, he was getting off on withholding real friendship - which is what she wanted - thereby putting her in a corner where there was only ONE THING she could do with/ for him that he would accept. Complete mind- f**k)
I sent pics of my family but none of me. I had gained a lot of weight in the years since my kids were born - because of a serious health problems and medication. I never ever lied to Yidwithlid about my weight or my health though. Yidwithlid asked a lot about my health, what I was taking, my surgeries and so on. Just before he had emailed me I had been gravely ill with pneumonia. My marriage was over and I had been sleeping on the couch for years but trapped because I was so ill and broke. M ex-husband refused to do anything to end the marriage. I felt like an indentured servant. But I was NOT looking for a new man. I really didn't want any sort of relationship anymore.
Finally I sent Yidwithlid some pictures of myself and he said that basically I "looked the same" and he wasn't "one to judge" people by their looks. He told me that he "knew me better than that" and that my weight wasn't "what made [me] beautiful" to him. I laughed all this flattery off because I know what I look like. But he kept it up, and poured it on even more when he learned I was in the process of divorcing my husband. Little did I suspect I was being sized up and profiled!
"The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase." -- Art of Seduction, Greene
Yidwithlid quickly initiated an emotional affair using our prior friendship as a springboard to gain my trust. He was extremely sympathetic about other abusive relationships I had been trapped in and my new internet “love” couldn’t have been nicer. He made himself my emotional lifeline.
Yidwithlid: Whatever happened betwen u & [mutual friend]
"Target #1": oh gosh
"Target #1": well he passed away a couple years ago
"Target #1": I cut the relationship off senior year of college
Yidwithlid: sorry to hear
"Target #1": don't be
Yidwithlid: I had no idea he died
"Target #1": yeah... it was sudden. He had undiagnosed cancer, caught up with him
Yidwithlid: oy
"Target #1": I couldn't go to the service tho
"Target #1": kids were small
"Target #1": and it felt hypocritical to go
Yidwithlid: what happened between you 2
Yidwithlid: were you sleeping with him?
"Target #1": beside the fact he was beating me up
"Target #1": and emotionally abusive to me
"Target #1": and scaring me
Yidwithlid: wow
Yidwithlid: he's the reason I left the colleg
"Target #1": I know
Yidwithlid: I was convinced he wanted me dead
"Target" #1: well he got close with me
"Target #1": broke my jaw - threw me into your old closet
Yidwithlid: oh my
"Target #1": yeah he was careful tho
"Target #1": and I stupidly coverd it all up - I was embarrassed
Yidwithlid: If I had been there I would have gone to the cops
"Target #1": right
"Target #1": back then no one did that Yidwithlid
"Target #1": besides you ran away
Yidwithlid: not fair (again puts her on the defensive)
"Target #1": sorry
Yidwithlid: I would never let anyone treat u like thta (though he's about to treat her like complete garbage and use her for just sex. But he paints himself as a "good guy" like they all do)
Yidwithlid: you wre somethng special ...still are
"Target #1": no Im not
Yidwithlid: someone should hold you all night
When Yidwithlid talked about the first time we were intimate I was shocked at the details he remembered Really minute details that guys usually don't. Then he told me I was his first; that he'd lost his virginity to me. I didn't believe it!! I brought it up NUMEROUS times after that and told him I still didn't believe it. He got very angry at me in subsequent questionings so I would stop asking. (Training/ grooming her not to question him!)
When his memories were skewed or completely in opposition to what I remembered I told him and he became very snippy and nasty. Sometimes he'd just withdraw. So I stopped arguing with him. I didn't want to lose my "someone to talk to." He had a lot of it very wrong but it seemed pointless to argue with him. I was abused as a child and arguing really triggers me. I was totally stunned by Yidwithlid in the first few months. He knocked me for a loop. He started talking about his feelings for me. I was shocked. But he continued on that he felt safe with me and wanted me back in his life. I thought fine, would be great to be friends. But he wanted more. He made it quite clear he had deep emotions for and "feelings" for me. He said it many times in many different ways as well as right out. The more he said it, the more I believed it and felt the same way. The more I let the old feelings I'd had for him surface.
About 4 weeks in we chatted until late one night and he plead his case for us to be "together" and how he couldn't control his desires for me much longer. I spent all weekend thinking about it and then, stupid me, I said "O.K." to a least the cybersex. He begged like a lost puppy who just wanted someone to love & care about him. I knew what it was like to be trapped with an abuser; and he portrayed his wife as a cold, pious woman who'd lost all interest in him - how their marriage was just going through the motions.
Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details. -- Art of Seduction - Greene
As soon as I got comfortable with this, the love bombing began. He told me "we must have been together in a past life"... how we "had SO much in common"... that he was "sorry he didn't contact me sooner." I thought so too given the criteria he presented me. I had no clue then he was just eliciting values from me & mirroring me so it only 'seemed' that way.
He was online sometimes 2-3 times a day; saying he was looking for me. And often LATE into the night. He was quite blunt about his marriage being "unfulfilling." I would talk to him about having dialogue with his wife and how she worked and took care of his kids and she was probably tired. I told him this numerous times over the 2 years. He painted her as cold, distant and uncaring.
I was still teetering about any real sexual relationship - it felt wrong but my strength to resist was getting worn down by him. Yidwithlid cautiously asked me about sex at first. Yidwithlid made his wife sound very uptight. I asked him if she'd been abused or he was making her uncomfortable and was it always like that. Yidwithlid had a plausible answer for everything. Slowly but surely he was painting himself as an object to be pitied for putting up with this supposed 'ice princess' he was married to. But, I really did want to meet her. After seeing her picture I couldn't believe she was as Yidwithlid said she was. When I told him that he got VERY snarky so I stopped arguing about that too.
"It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason." --Art of Seduction, Greene
Then it happened (we have been asked not to publish this particular chat)-- one day about 11am, 4 weeks after Yidwithlid contacted me, we were chatting. I had a project going as editor & publisher of my children's preschool yearbook. I could do it at home on my own time but it was a big project. Chatting with him was a nice break. I happened to mention that my shoulders were tight from using a certain publishing software because it was so labor intensive. I will never forget it because I had NEVER EVER had cybersex and thought online dating was scary. In fact I just wanted no relationship at all anymore.
Yidwithlid started with "Imagine I am behind you rubbing your shoulders" I replied "aww, thanks." Then he started with "I rub down further..." I should have stopped and clicked off. Honestly I was so shocked I just sat there and watched as the words came up on the screen. I had the typical abused woman's "freeze reaction". Someone was crossing my boundary and I felt powerless.
I had NEVER had cybersex before ever. I made fun of people who did as being pathetic. I had NEVER done an online relationship as I thought it was dumb - besides legally I was still married. I am not a prude but this was just crazy, though with the 'disease to please' so many women have - I didn't want to say anything to Yidwithlid I still don't understand why I did it. (We know why - So does Sandra Brown, MA - it's the predator's mind control. Don't let ANYONE (especially The Cyberpath! tell you, you KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! Or did so of 'your free will.' You didn't. They lured, seduced and manipulated you.)
"The women in our survey had high moral principles and an internal moral compass of right and wrong. Their moral sense and its relationship to a psychopath are quite interesting. Although many of them tested very high in the morality department, they ended up with the immoral and unprincipled psychopath.
"...his ability to pretend, allow him the stage to mimic [mirror] her moral principles in his life. Ironically, many of the women’s stories end with the loss of their moral principles in the relationship. This could be through sexual deviance he asked her to participate in, or asking that she lie, cheat, or in some other way violate her own moral code. By the end of the relationship, she was likely to have become mortified at his immoral behavior and how it took her down a negative path she never intended on.When I came back Yidwithlid used a lot of “confusing talk” with me and then played dumb. He would twist things, making it seem like I was acting overbearing and aggressive when he had initiated and encouraged my interest. (Readers, just to say again, the chat transcripts verify all the assertions here - EOPC)
I just let him talk and yes, I participated. Yidwithlid did most of the typing. Yes, I went along. God forgive me, I don't really remember WHAT I was thinking or if I was thinking at all! In all honesty it always felt like I was in a fog or a trance. Afterward I said I had to go. I got up and went for a walk in the cold Spring air. I walked around the block and everything felt very unreal/ My brain and body were 'buzzing.' I came back, sat down and opened my online private journal and tried to wriie down how I was feeling. I didn't know what to think.
Without a doubt, one of the questions many women have is whether the psychopath was inducing trance, hypnosis, mind control, or used other forms of covert coercion. Many women ask this question because they acted contrary to their own relational histories with other men. Or, they felt heavily emotionally overpowered, trance-y, or spaced out through much of the relationship. So, does the psychopath have the ability to induce trance? The answer is yes.
The psychopath, like anyone else, can induce trance in others. Just surf the net under “Seduction Techniques” and you will see hundreds of web sites teaching men how to use covert hypnotic and Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques to bypass a woman’s cognitive resistance to being “picked up” or “seduced.” If they didn’t work, there wouldn’t be so many men using these techniques.
However, psychopath’s are different from these mere seduction students because most psychopaths don’t have to be taught how to use trance states, hypnosis, and suggestion. They are natural’s at these.
In fact for the next 2 years I was so distracted, in a fog and mentally messed up I could barely function. This was helped along by Yidwithlid's obtuseness and infectiously addictive patterns. Later that day he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again. He said that I was "tempting" him because of his "feelings" for me. I told him:
"Target": you don't understand, I don't do things like that
Yidwithlid: me either
"Target": no I have never ever had cybersex
Yidwithlid: me either
"Target": you sounded like you knew what you were doing
Yidwithlid: I have an active imagnition (lie, he'd done it with online cyberbabes & phone sex operators many times as you will all find out)
Yidwithlid: sorry I am sooooo frustrated
Yidwithlid: if it bothers you I wont do it again
"Target": not sure how I feel about it
Yidwithlid: it wasnt without emotion you know
"Target": yeah me either
Yidwithlid: I wish it could be real
"Target": I am not sure you'd really want that
Yidwithlid: I am
"Target": I wish I could give you what you need but
Yidwithlid: I dont waqt to take, i want to SHARE
(remember that Online Seduction post? David Shade used the word SHARE on his targets a lot too!! Its an imbedded NLP - seduction trigger! - Fighter)
After that it happened again a couple days later. By now I was thinking it was safe. At least this was someone I knew, and I had been with him sexually years ago so I could trust him, right?
One Friday night he got online with me and I brought up that I was having conflicting feelings about it all. Even though my marriage was over and I was not with my ex-husband anymore - it still wasn't right. Yidwithlid agreed but then talked about how he "only wanted to make [me] feel good and happy" and again how it wasn't "without emotion" and he didn't "want to ruin" his marriage because his wife would "take the kids" from him. He repeatedly told me he had never ever done this before and it was something about ME and he was emotionally confused. (Of course that made the Target feel emotionally confused because he imbedded that thought! - Fighter)
I felt a lot of guilt mixed with excitement. (just what Yidwithlid wanted, as per ART OF SEDUCTION)
During that Friday night conversation he sent me a picture of himself naked in his office. NAKED. I asked him WHY he was in his home office naked with his kids down the hall? He said he was locked in. He liked to be naked to sleep and he was merely checking the job hunting sites before bed. He told me a few times over the next few days he "couldn't believe" he sent me a "naked picture of himself" and to "PLEASE DELETE!" I did. I was so embarrassed and stunned that he did that I didn't know what to say. Then he asked me how his **** looked! I just said "fine." I really didn't know what to say or do at that point. (Notice how he covertly & consistently made the Target feel it was her 'fault' for his boundary-less, perverted behavior? Pathological persons always do this - Fighter)
I wasn't aware that my ex-husband, in his need to control me, had been stealthily logging every email, IM, support board or word document I worked on for at least 11 months before Yidwithlid looked me up. My ex husband soon had every email, every divorce site I'd visited, all the work on my kids' yearbook, the disability advocacy boards I was on... you name it. It was all set up to be downloaded remotely to his computer at work where he would read it at his leisure. I am still not very technically astute - I had NO IDEA. (make a note of this one readers!)
The previous night where Yidwithlid had told me he still "cared" for me and wanted to have an affair - chat -- I still couldn't believe it. I was a mess.
...the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. -- Art of Seduction, Greene
We had some cybersex for the next 8-10 weeks or so along with chatting. He told me I made him "feel like Stanley Kowalski" (from STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE) and he couldn't believe how just seeing me online "turned [him] on" and how he was "struggling with his old feelings for" me. The big one he said over & over was how he couldn't control himself with me ("CONTROL" - another imbedded NLP command designed to put him IN CONTROL and per her OUT OF CONTROL!) For someone as starved for any positive attention, now I was being drowned in it by someone I knew and felt very comfortable with. I see now, it was a purposeful, emotional jackhammer to my brain & my common sense.
I apologized over and over. (He'd made Target feel guilty! ) Yidwithlid started to make me sound like some sort of cyber-temptress who had pushed him over the edge. Sounds stupid in retrospect. And definitely wrong! Mostly I would talk about our kids, the weather, family - anything else. I kept requesting to meet his wife & kids hoping it would cool him off. Many times there were huge time gaps in the chats before he'd answer me. Or I would see on IM that he was 'typing' but nothing came up on my screen. He told me he was writing an article or a letter or resume. (We bet he was pacing the chat, establishing a rhythm which helps embed the triggers. And surfing for other chicks, contacting Target #1s friends using HER GOOD WORDS to seduce them and doing online porno!)
Finally I told him to slow down, I wanted lunch or coffee with him, a face to face, in order to catch up. “You’re moving too fast,” I told him. One evening we had a very intense conversation. Yidwithlid told me he wanted to rent a hotel room for a day for us to be together for "real" and that he couldn't take it anymore.
Yidwithlid: thougt about you today
"Target": oh!
Yidwithlid:I imagine you in your robe with ****************
"Target": (blushing)
Yidwithlid: I want to touch you
Yidwithlid: feel you all over
Yidwithlid: I want you to make me remember
"Target": this is insane
Yidwithlid:I know
Yidwithlid:i soooo want to share with u
"Target": No. I just don't do this sort of thing
Yidwithlid:me either
Yidwithlid: back in college I didn't get naked with just anyone
"Target": neither did I
Yidwithlid: I still trust you
Yidwithlid: I have to ***** a couple times a day just thinkng abot u
"Target": I think your having some memory lapses
"Target": what about your wife, this isnt right (watch as Yidwithlid totally evades this one)
Yidwithlid: wish i'd known we flet this way 26 years ago
"Target": omg
Yidwithlid: dont u feel that way too
"Target": yes i guess
Yidwithlid: something deeper than either of us have ever known
Yidwithlid: maybe being with you - can belp uis both cope
"Target": honestly, I would ...
Yidwithlid: really
"Target": yes
Yidwithlid: yes?
Yidwithlid: but?
"Target": but.... im still married legally and so are you
"Target": this is too odd
"Target": I want to give you my address and phone and meet your family
Yidwithlid: no dont
Yidwithlid: I will do somethng stupid if u do
"Target": and you meet mine
Yidwithlid: dunno
Yidwithlid: dunno if I could handle
Yidwithlid: please let me touch you
Yidwithlid: feel you
Yidwithlid: I want you so bad... you..
[Yidwithlid starts cybersex here]
....as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted - nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike. -- Art of Seduction, Greene
When I said NO the first time, he DISAPPEARED OFFLINE for 5 weeks. I was nuts - I thought he'd been in an accident. I was half out of my mind with worry. It was about then I told my best friend. I HAD to tell someone. When I saw him again online I asked him:
"Target": "where have you been?
Yidwithlid: around
"Target": I was worried
Yidwithlid :dont be
Yidwithlid: with kids, playing golf
Yidwithlid: I am fine
Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill. - Art of Seduction, Greene
Later in the same chat he says:
Yidwithlid: I have decided
Yidwithlid: we can't be together for real
Yidwithlid: it would be wrong
Yidwithlid: i woud have tomake decisions about [my wife]
Yidwithlid: it would hurt both of us (wait... HE decided? didn't she just say NO in a prior chat? Wow - talk about CONTROL)
"Target": do you even still have feelings
Yidwithlid: YES
Yidwithlid: but maybe we are jut two lonely people looking to connect
"Target": so you don't feel the same way, you've changed your mind?
Yidwithlid: but I don't do thinghs like that (He doesn't even ANSWER her)
"Target": I am confused
Yidwithlid: you had the prettiest ******* ever (He just changes direction and by now he's got her used to it!)
Yidwithlid: they were always my favrite
"Target": but things have changed - I have had a lot of surgery - lots of weight from medication. This isn't right.
Yidwithlid: I bet they haven't
"Target": they have
Yidwithlid: I bet you are wrong
........
"Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you." - The Art of Seduction, Greene
Yidwithlid then disappeared for another week. When he came back he started up the cybersex again saying it was "the only safe way [we] can be together." He found work shortly thereafter. I kept asking him if we could have lunch, say hi - anything to make this something more normal. I just wanted the chaos & confusion to stop without lecturing him. And even though I was 10 minutes from his office he kept telling me he “couldn’t control himself” around me. It was one excuse after another. I was scared I would lose the person I thought was my friend if I didn't go along with him. And I was too weak to stand up and just say "no." (Yidwithlid used the words SHARE and CAN'T CONTROL repeatedly in these chats - part of the mental programming & mind control)
"Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next."
"Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive. -- Art of Seduction, Greene
The "no lunch” but" meet me in a hotel,” had confused me, especially since he had convinced me we were “falling for each other”. (In a number of chats he told his target something to the effect of: 'You KNOW me, I wouldn't toy with you or hurt you.')
I left for a 6 week vacation with my kids then. In retrospect it was odd that he didn't seem to care I was going away. Yidwithlid and I chatted a couple times while I was there but he never said he missed me. Why would he? Nothing had changed for him - still online friend only! We had more chats where I urged him to work on his marriage and he now started pushing me to give my husband another chance. Yidwithlid didn't seem to grasp that I was leaving a serious abuser. In fact, he seemed relieved I was out of town. More putting me in cyber-reality only. Yidwithlid kept giving me advice as if my divorce was based on minor disagreements. (because cyberpaths are petty)
Yes, I vented to him. Almost like he wanted to offload my emotions for him back onto my ex-husband. I realize now he was looking to validate his LACK of empathy and at the same time INVALIDATE my feelings about my marriage being over. (and Target #1 REPEATEDLY asked him to TALK TO HIS WIFE & possibly get marriage counseling. REPEATEDLY she defended his wife, whom he smears her to later)
Here's a couple things he did that were very odd, now that I think about it:
Yidwithlid elicited more sympathy from me by saying that ADHD was his "problem" and using that to explain all his odd behavior. In many of our chats he seemed severely depressed. He told me he went to therapy and was on an antidepressant (called them his "happy pills") Then he joked about his Viagra. This he needed, he said, because his wife was so cold. He shared these things with me not as “sob stories”, but as one old friend telling another the truth about how their life had turned out. (Victim had NO IDEA she was being played!)
-- I was having one of my children who is learning challenged, tested. Yidwithlid told me the alleged name of a good book on ADHD (ADHD runs in his family). I looked on Amazon.com and a couple other sources but no such book existed. When I called him on it a couple days later he seemed VERY annoyed and insisted the book existed though he couldn't tell me the author, ISBN or anything else. I realize a publisher deals with the advertising but he was just lying for no real reason.
-- Yidwithlid gave me the name of the 'BEST' behavioral doctor in the area (we live an hour apart) and even said he would 'BRB' while he said he went to his wife's home office to look for the number. He told me one of his children went to this doctor. He was gone close to 40 minutes. When he came back he said he'd be a "dead puppy" if he touched the piles on his wife's desk and couldn't find it. So I called around - the hospital this doctor was supposedly affliated with, the AMA, a number of places. I even asked one of my physicians who is on the board at a major metropolitan hospital and none of his sources knew of ANY doctor by that name. Yidwithlid had given me a name of someone who didn't exist. It should have been a major red flag - and frankly I still can't figure out WHY he did it. He probably was off doing something else completely. (in a porn chat? talking to his other women?)
-- Yidwithlid told me not to IM him first ever. The couple times I did he was curt and rude - telling me I interrupted him. I have bad reactions to being 'yelled at' because of past abuse so I never did it again. Yidwithlid did finally take my phone number but was constantly "misplacing" it. He only seemed to want it for phone sex. Another big red flag.
"Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love." Art of Seduction, Greene
As I said before estranged husband hacked files off my computer regarding this emotional affair. My ex had everything. Copies were with his attorney and the attorney I saw gave me copies too. Everyone had seen it all. Even Yidwithlid's address, phone numbers and work addresses!
The verbal abuse from my ex escalated towards me and the children. My ex had everything I was doing. Even this. I was pushed around and called names in front of my children. I felt I deserved it because I felt guilty. My estranged husband was determined to go to Yidwithlid's house and talk to his wife. My ex even said he went to his office a couple times but just stood in the lobby and thought better of it. I begged him not to and my ex used my promises against me for months after. Because of my feelings for Yidwithlid, I defended him - as I would for anyone I felt genuinely close to. (Readers, do you think Yidwithlid APPRECIATED ANY OF THIS?)
Sharing my predicament with Yidwithlid, his 'supportive' response was to distance himself for weeks. (Nice NOT!) When he contacted me again, it was as if the emotional stuff & cybersex between us NEVER happened. What the heck? I went back to therapy and got on antidepressants because my head felt literally foggy, like there was a fuzzy blanket over my brain.(covert brainwashing symptom!)
Simply it had all become too much for me. Yidwithlid was very upset to hear my ex-husband I weren't back together and told me to "have sex" with my ex to smooth things out. He didn't seem to understand that I was being abused and had been for years and sex wasn't going to fix that. Besides I just couldn't be so emotionally & physically dishonest.
"if we cant b together we might as well be with our spouses, no matter how bad that is - Yidwithlid." (More invalidation!)
When I did bring up what had gone on between Yidwithlid and I -- he gave me MORALITY lectures as if I was the one who began this “affair.” It was upsetting, extremely confusing and now Yidwithlid was behaving as if it never happened and/or I was pushing him. Wait! He had been the one to say an affair would help us cope. And then he said "let's do it just once so we can feel it again with each other."
I didn't want to lose what I thought was a friendship and he professed to be paranoid about getting caught with me. Part of me was embarrassed and shamed. I blamed myself. So I went along with the "it never happened." I tried again repeatedly to get him to come meet my family, make each other part of our NORMAL lives - but there was no way. Yidwithlid just dug his feet in further that he "couldn't control [him]self" around me. (Still making it Target's fault when that was his intention all along!)
As someone raised by an abusive parent and in an abusive marriage then, I rationalized it. We are 'trained' to please and try to say "it must be us." I remembered him as a very sweet, quirky person in college. He had been one of the great loves of my life but I never chased him. Never. Things had happened back in college that made it very clear to me he didn't want me - and now here he'd been - on my computer, my lifeline out of my entrapment - talking about how I was wonderful. It was easy to be grateful for the attention and crumbs of friendship and rationalize away his inconsistencies as well as believe his explanations.
Additionally, suggestibility is related to poor memory recall which in the women is likely to begin happening in the relationship due to stress, fatigue, and trance.
The women are likely to become more suggestible as the relationship continues on, because of the confusion created by the psychopath’s lying, cheating, and the psychopath's dichotomous behavior. As she thinks her mind is beginning to play tricks on her (as the psychopath encourages her to believe), the more suggestible she will become. When he tells her she didn’t see, hear, or experience something, she will likely believe it.
MORE TO COME
yidwithlid
