- Does this really sound like a 'game'?
- Does this sound like this victim made up her pain & concern out of whole cloth?
- Does this sound like Jacoby never asked for her attentions or encouraged them?
- Do the victims do these things because they are sexual predators, too - or because they truly LOVE these men (who turn out to be: Predators)?
(Please note that the victim in this case is RECOVERING FROM BENZO ADDICTION. So notice how Jacoby uses the same psychological/ chemical pathways to lure, manipulate & hook her in! He has done this to other & will again and again until stopped)
Women instinctively know what relieves anxiety and reduces stress hormones levels - emotional, physical and sexual intimacy.
The bonding hormone oxytocin is one of the most powerful natural anti-anxiety chemicals there is! That is why sex is so relaxing. During sex, oxytocin is released and you feel not only happy and bonded with your mate, but afterwards, you are relaxed and anxiety-free. (Yes, even CYBERSEX!)
Early in the relationship, the psychopath isolates his woman from the rest of the world and her social network. Therefore, she has little emotional support from others that would normally serve to help her reduce or manage her anxiety effectively.
Being with a psychopath is anxiety-producing. The psychopath has a fight with her raising her level of anxiety. She thinks about leaving or takes steps to leave the relationship and that triggers profound anxiety in her. Without friends and family as support to help her manage her anxiety, she is in need of anxiety relief. She turns to the psychopath himself - both the creator and reliever of stress. He gratefully relieves her anxiety through (cyber)sex.
“It feels like a drug. Am I addicted to him?” Three things are at play in her attachment:
1. The high levels of attachment she is prone to because of her temperament.
2. The high levels of bonding she is feeling that she thinks the psychopath is mutually feeling.
3. She mistakes intensity for real connection.
These intense and yet different connections will lay the groundwork for the pathological love relationship dynamics which we will discuss later in the book. For now, understand her ability to deeply attach is significantly larger than the person who does not have her strong attachment trait.
Additionally, high levels of relationship investment set up an entrapping cycle within the pathological love relationship. If she pleases the psychopath with (cyber)sex and he praises her for it, her positive relationship reward was both the feeling she had in pleasing him (and herself) and the praise and stabilization of the relationship she experienced.
Add to it the “buzz” of the bonding hormones and her anxiety reduction and you have a cycle of bonding that entraps her.
- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS
Jacoby apparently has a habit of taking screen shots of his victims on webcam while chatting with them. WithOUT their knowledge or permission. For insurance... when he dumps them for fresh prey. Then threatens to post these private shots to the world (or maybe he sells them to online porn sites!)
As always, our comments are in Dark Blue. - Fighter
From: DAN JACOBY
If I loved MY WIFE like I love you and was in my situation, yes... I would have asked. I wish you would have told me weeks ago. I'll never bring it up again. (SURE you will! and the only person you love? IS YOURSELF!!)
No honey, I don't have to ask. You know I always look for reassurance, because of our situation.
Sweetheart, sometimes I wonder what you would think of me for being so forward. I know we have our intimacy, and we are very explicit during those times. I'm totally comfortable with it, because I love you.
When you totally and absolutely love a woman you don't want them to compromise themselves by doing something like sending nude pictures of themselves out into cyberspace. Would you EVER have asked YOUR WIFE to do anything like that? What would you think of her if she did? I am only making a comparison. I'm not writing this because I don't trust you. It just bothers me that you asked me to do it in the first place. You know what I'm trying to say.
I'm sorry about sending more than one video. I hate you to hurt.
I love you, Danny
From: DAN JACOBY
Just forget about it. I never loved MY WIFE anywhere near as much as I love you. Not even close.
You put everything I write under a microscope. I wouldn't ever let anyone see those pictures of you because I’m an honorable man and I love you and ONLY you. You shouldn't have even had to ask such a silly question. (REMEMBER HE SAID THIS! And notice how Jacoby makes his VICTIM FEEL GUILTY for hedging or asking questions!! Guilt dumping!! Blame shifting!!)
I was a fool for ever asking you to do such a thing. It was wrong of me. (YES IT WAS!!)
You know you can put files in a password protected ZIP file so no one can see them but me, don't you? (yet he KEEPS ON PRODDING!! And he will only "protect" them until he needs to harass or threaten you into silence about his true nature! Then you will be all over the net and at the police with Dan's SELECTIVE INFORMATION)
I never expected you to do anything that made you uncomfortable, but I CERTAINLY didn't expect you to string me along and not just say "I’m uncomfortable sending these over the internet". That would have been a lot more honest and understandable than "I've gotta top off my tan". I’m sure you look wonderful. I even told you I just wanted more "regular" pictures of you. At least a chance to see you like your co-workers or strangers in the street. Still nothing.
I love you as much as ever, but I’m sick as hell inside for ever asking such a terrible thing and for being strung along week after week. (Check the GUILT, OBLIGATION and MIND-TWISTING bull Jacoby lays on here)
I’m crushed and ashamed. I hope you can forgive me. I’m trying hard not to stomp this gadget into the ground. (boo hoo hoo - he can always look at internet porn instead of trying to cyber-rape a normal woman who he's already brainwashed. But no... he keeps on)
I love you. Danny
Dan, you loved YOUR WIFE far more than you love me, because you married her, and she's the mother of your child. I understand that. I wanted to send those pictures to you. They're still there on the camera. The thing that phased me, and "threw" me, somewhat, was when you said that I shouldn't worry about you showing them to people, because I could always use the "private" one of you as a weapon. (did Jacoby tell her something previously about HIS M.O.? Cyberpaths often slip up and foreshadow their future threats, smear and attacking behavior early on - if one pays attention.)
I can't count the times I've been about to send them to you, and I always stop myself. Now you probably feel differently to me. I just don't know. I'm crying. I'll have to go. This is the reason I would never tell you right out that I was dubious about sending them. I was always scared of your reaction, and that you'd feel differently to me because I did'nt send them. Now you can't even bring yourself to write "I love you". (Now Jacoby has apparently made her feel his LOVE will be withdrawn because she didn't send the intimate pics. Sick boy)
I love you, just the same as always. - VICTIM
Its got nothing to do with the "pictures". I don't need to see your perfectly maintained body to love you. I asked you SEVERAL times if you were comfortable about it. All I got was "You'll get 'em. Have I ever failed you?". All you had to do was tell me the truth. You know how much YOU mean to me. You think I would hurt YOU to get my hands on some stupid "nudie" pictures? Thanks for thinking so highly of me. (Jacoby again laying on the GUILT, OBLIGATION and COVERT comments about his VERY CONDITIONAL "love." Remember he said this!! He's most probably done this before to victims and is angry these pics aren't as easy to obtain this time. He's blame-shifting because his victim's gut is telling her something's not right... and he's having to work overtime to override it)
How can you POSSIBLY love me???? I’m not a gentleman, you fear my reactions. I just don't get it. I’m going fucking insane. (boo hoo again, Jacoby)
Anything else been on your mind for the last four months that you want to tell me about? (a cyber tantrum from the thwarted predator. Typical. Now she's stuck between her ethics and his brainwashing. This is a situation that, in one way or another ALL our victims find themselves in. Truly sick on Jacoby's part)
I feel like a worthless excuse for one of God's children. (you are, Danny Boy -- you are - for even SUBJECTING this poor, hurting woman to your sociopathic baloney IN this position)
Goodnight. I love you, too. I hate my life though. God be with you. I’m signing off. (That's right, drop in as MUCH guilt as possible so the VICTIM is absolutely tortured while you're offline not even thinking about it and doing whatever with whoever)
Does your love for me really depend on a couple of explicit pictures? (unfortunately - it does. Jacobyneeds insurance for when he drop kicks your mind, heart & soul eventually)
I love you with all my heart and soul. (But that's not enough for Dan. Because he is pathological and has no heart or soul. Just sick need and deviant desires)
From: Dan Jacoby
I’m devoted to you, Victim. (Until I log on with someone else or I get bored with you and you darned reality-checks) My relationship with MY WIFE has been over for many years. It took this illness and being stuck at home to wake me up to the reality of our marriage. I’m yours and yours alone. (For this email only) You're stuck with me, too. Is that OK? :-) (no comment! ick!)
I love you. Danny
You know that you have no need at all to worry! I am devoted to you, sweetheart. You're my all consuming passion. (Unfortunately, he is) I know that you are a moral man, and if by chance YOUR WIFE asked to "try again" you would. I would never, ever judge you for that. Do you honestly think that I could give my heart to anyone else, after I've given it totally to you? You should never, ever worry about me walking away from you! (She couldn't if she wanted to because now she's not just brainwashed - she's TRAUMA BONDED to him; thanks to his playing on her guilt and fair-mindedness)
I love you. Victim
Notice the Oh-So- NOT-NICE way Dan gossips with another person here about other people on the recovery boards.
TO: Dan Jacoby
Hey Dan... I don't want to upset you with this gossip thing or get anyone in trouble but I also understand that things need to be dragged out in the open to heal...I think you'll probably understand... I would want to know.
When I first started talking with M he said to be very careful of you and J. J had given me the creeps anyway so that was no big issue but I was really surprised about you. He said that he had heard from a very reliable source, that he trusts implicitly (DON'T quote me but I assumed he was talking about A), that you and J took advantage of a girl called E and convinced her in her vulnerable state into giving you a very explicit web cam sex show.
To be honest I just believed what M had said until I saw you put up a post about E and I got the impression you had been close and were very upset about her being taken advantage of my "certain" forum members. That was when I realized that anything M said could have been a load of bollocks and said to suit him. I think maybe he was jealous of you and A? Who knows.
When M was here, just before he left, he stirred up trouble on [support forum] by posting a comment as a "guest" when the forum was in maintenance mode. He said something like "B must die" - very grownup! lol. Of course they logged the IP address and when I joined up they put two and two together and thought I was an imposter. I was really upset and explained that M was staying here. They accepted that but I still felt a bit alienated and mistrusted. M decided he would try and "fix" this by writing an email to C even though had asked for him to just leave it all alone so it could die down and I could fit in. I knew what he was doing but pretended I didn't to see if M was prepared to lie about it. Of course he did lie about it but C and I have discussed it since and their correspondence went back and forth for some time. I have yet to see copies of what M talked about but C kept saying "why don't you just show J these emails! so she knows it's ok" but he wouldn't - he is a creepy manipulative bastard (scuse my language).
C thought it was very wierd. What made me laugh is that M couldn't work out how they had formed a link between me and him - I'm not sure he even understood what an IP address is.. LOL.
Since then all I have heard is that the forum was having trouble with predators - to be honest I thought they might have meant M since he is working his way through a few himself. J was a big offender but think everyone was aware of that. Apparently it ran deeper than that and the gossip mill was saying G had been a victim but was refusing to name the culprit - maybe why you were implicated because of your close friendship with her? (probably was JACOBY that exploited her!) That's all I have... apart from who is gay and who is not... LOL.
Hope you are relaxing with the tele and this is not causing you too much stress. I would love to talk to VICTIM. She seems so down to earth - my kinda girl! I shall send her an email when I get a chance. (like gridney/ YidwithLid -- using the good words of one "Target" to work over another "Target"!)
Sun, 4 Sep 2005 09:27:25 -0400
I'm stunned, but not surprised. I spent the night with my mind racing and experiencing a full spectrum of emotions ranging from anger, relief, and deep sadness. The good news is I am no longer banging my head against the wall wondering where Y got all these ridiculous ideas about me, including the accusations that I was "hacking" into the forum, lurking "invisibly", and deleting posts without authorization. (er... because you WERE? Protesting too much -- a predator give-away!)
When I first joined the forum many months ago, J immediately began writing me. I found his pseudo-intellectual ramblings about drug addiction to be strange and thought he even looked "dirty", but never really paid much else attention to him. I was never a drinker or drug user, and being in the company of some of "street" drug addicts was new to me, and I was a bit naïve.
A short time later, E (a prostitute and heroin addict at the time) contacted me and asked if she could confide in me. It was then that she told me about J and all the twisted things he made her do. I stayed in contact with E until she kicked her drug habit, got a "real" job, and reconciled with her husband. I would like to think the encouragement and support I gave her helped her to break out of her destructive lifestyle. (Aren't you SPECIAL, Dan!! No one sings your praises louder than YOU!) Ever since then, J (knowing I was on to him [because I am the smartest person in the world... LOL]) would post on my threads as if we were best friends. Both of my parents were in law enforcement and checked him out. He's a twice-convicted felon and has served time in Federal prison. (parents in law enforcement? checking someone out? that's not really legal to go through another person's records and passing it along with gossip unless its for court, etc. Also Jacoby warning that he has "friends in high places" should anyone call him on his exploits. If Jacoby's parents were in law enforcement -- he should ask them for a good rehab program for sociopaths & sex addicts.)
A is a good friend who is currently in a 9-month long inpatient detox program in the UK. All we ever talked about was her dog and her horse. A was friends with S, who M "met" in Los Angeles on his way home from New Zealand. I won't even get into the rumors I heard about THAT woman! (how many did you start? or did she rebuff your advances?)
G still swears to this very day that she never accused me of being a "predator" (but if she did she was right on the money!), but she became very cold and withdrawn right about the time M started putting the new forum together. We became very good friends because she lives in the neighborhood where I grew up. G WORSHIPS Y, and if Y repeated anything M may have told her about me, G would take it as Gospel. G herself can be a very manipulative person and seems to thrive on her illness, though I wouldn't wish her suffering on anyone. She sent me an email regarding my commentary on my PERSONAL medical journal and referred to me as showing a pattern of "verbal abuse" (again, she was right! and notice the lack of empathy on Jacoby's part for anything but HIS 'reputation'). The irony of her choosing those words to describe my reaction to this whole situation is beyond amusing! Maybe she should move in with M for three months, LOL!
VICTIM and I have remained strong throughout all of this. We are both counting the minutes until we can be together. All of this drama has been very hard on both of us, but we're still deeply in love with each other. She's one in a million and I hate that she has had to go through all of this with me. As if benzo withdrawal wasn't tough enough! I know she would love to hear from you. We also know who's gay, and even THAT has effected our relationship (a story for another day), LOL!
I really appreciate you sharing this with me. It does provide some sense of closure and a chance to heal, even though it may only be the tip of the iceberg. When I calm down and get over this I would love to drop M a quick, friendly email if you still have his address. Oh wait - why would I need that from YOU if I could simply "hack" into the forum and get it? :-) (smug)
I hope you're feeling great and are being good to yourself. You have so much to be proud of. I'll be praying for you,
WARNING (2009) - Jacoby (a web designer & computer expert!) has found his way BACK on to the recovery forums using a new IP number and false identities (ex: "Nurse Tanya" and "Elwood"). Despite the forum managers saying they have banned him forever - they have not been able to stop this remorseless predator! One forum manager refuses to listen and remove his multiple identities. Beware!