Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: When The Cheater Finds You Have Been Spying

Sunday, May 01, 2011

When The Cheater Finds You Have Been Spying

Dr. Robert Huizenga

My, how the cheating spouse/partner/ cyberpath cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying. (or found them out!)

Outrage can be intense: "How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I dont spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on...

Cheating husbands, cheating partners and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesnt make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating partner. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage/relationship and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage and the exclusivity of the relationship; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage/ relationship. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. Its intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage or relationship and enable each person in the relationship to attain health and sanity.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: i was shocked ( But not really ) to read the following :
"How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I dont spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?"

because those things are more or less the EXACT things that the S/P said to me when i confronted him with evidence. Even the "now i know why i should pull away from you" part. isn't it odd how predictable they are? He also emphasized TRUST being sooo important throughout the relationship esp if I brought up suspicions of lying ( suspicions..which are in retrospect, true ); 5:09 am

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Thoughts from Victims of Cyberpaths

"The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep"- -- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern

"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals...

They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim.

The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare" -- Target of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially" -- Target of Ed Hicks

"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I kept praying I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in a relationship with one narcissist after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction and lies behind them.

Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to mind control and then USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief.

After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are factually twisted, with the spin (telling people I am harassing him!) to make him look the victim. It's nothing less than soul murder." -- Target of Jeff Dunetz/ gridney/ YidwithLid

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me! -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock...

Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"Every one of us who have suffered at the hands of a [ ]Cyberpath has a tale to tell, some of them shockingly heartbreaking. Yet so called "friends" have the audacity to say "put it behind you and move on"?? Yeah, right! Say that to us when you've walked even ten yards in our shoes. You can't even begin to imagine what we've been through. The use, abuse and total manipulation we've suffered at the hands of somebody we trusted and lavished with love & devotion, is more difficult to come to terms with than anyone could ever grasp." -- Target of Dan Jacoby

"For me it's never been about vengeance. This is about justice.” -- Tina Meier, Mother of Megan Meier

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages. "...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky. "My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming." "The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email. And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day." -- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"One would expect after 3 years of no contact with Stone he would get the hint: Leave us alone. Stone is nothing but an amusement now. Seeing Stone rant and rave to himself on facebook/blog sites, where he replies to his own replies of replies... it brings a slight wry smile to your face knowing that he can't get to anyone now, knowing that Stone is tearing himself apart from the inside out trying ever so desperately to get an audience... Someone to validate he is the victim... Someone to acknowledge he exists. Even his one and probably only friend Kevin Carey takes the mickey out of Stone; what makes it funny is Stone is oblivious to it. However, as a leading UK psychologist has pointed out, there is no cure for Stone's illness, no pills, no surgery and, no amount of psychological analysis or psychiatric treatment can cure him. The only treatment for Stone, is not considered humane in these modern times and is akin to the treatment of a rabid dog. The only hope is for Stone to get a new victim, someone that offends his inverted morals or (his lack of) moral subconsciousness. Stone's ranting would have you to believe that [victim 1] has "bilked" the government for £millions of welfare money while [victim 1] has sexual relationships with every married man in the UK & France, "up to 4 married men a day" - and sends Stone' subtle signals that only Stone can interpret', which Stone has labelled "gas lighting". Somehow Stone sees the "gas lighting" as proof that [victim 1] still has a desire to have a relationship with Stone. "Subtle signals" is all that Stone has, as Stone openly admits that he has not received any emails from [victim 1] since Feb 2008 when [victim 1], in a very polite manner, told Stone to piss off and leave her alone. These "subtle signals" - or voices in Stone's head - have led to a combination of 4,259 emails (to date) having been sent by Stone to [victim 1] and [victim 2] in the last 3 years: that's 3.8 emails a day, every day, day after day after day..., continuously for 3 years. That's not counting all the thousands if not tens of thousands of emails Stone sent to third parties trying to get [victim 1] and [victim 2] put in jail. Not bad going for a blind man. The voices in Stone's head have led him to believe that [victim 2] is the world's most prolific hacker. According to Stone [victim 2] is in control of Russian mobsters, has infiltrated government servers to remove evidence and has hacked the FBI (to plant evidence). Stone says that [victim 2] has complete control of the TOR proxy network and other proxy networks. Stone would have anyone that reads his crap believe that [victim 2] has complete control of his computer and internet connection, thus controlling all his email/blog/user accounts. Stone phoned [victim 2]'s work with "evidence of hackery", Stone not knowing that [victim 2] had pre warned his employment of his cyberstalker. As Stone read off his list of evidence, he was on speaker phone, the whole office were muffling their laughter... Stone is now responsible for bringing humour to [victim 2]'s friends and a lot catch of phrases: "Don't do a Stone on me now", "Let's Stone-alize him/her" and "I'm going to get all Stone on your arse." The "prolific evidence of hackery" that Stone has gathered trying to convince himself and the world, just so happens to coincide with a 14-month period that [victim 2] was being treated for a brain tumour - surgery, recovery and subsequent physiotherapy. Yessssssssss, of course, [victim 2] was in ICU with his laptop hacking Stone's computer on a daily basis. Dealing with Stone is like walking barefoot in the park... in one horrific moment you realise you have stepped on dog faeces, you close your eyes preparing yourself to look down and, when you do, it just confirms that the essence of Stone has just squeezed up between your toes. As you clean Stone out from in between your toes you can't help but to laugh... Yes, Stone is a lunatic; the wires in his brain are not crossed, they were just not connected to begin with. It brings a smile to one's face knowing that in the twilight of Stone's years the only purpose in his life is his obsessions. One could imagine Stone on his death-bed... "OHHHH the lights have dimmed, [victim 1] is sending a signal," and "WAIT WAIT, [victim 2] is hacking my pillow case." -- Victim 2 of Gary Stone

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality."Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"I know one thing, that exposure works!" - Kristen Rhoad, Victim of Phil Haberman

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University

"One might reasonably expect that the 3,500 mile ocean between Gary Stone and his victim would prevent him from attacking her. But he hunts her down - one minute like a love-sick puppy and the next like a rabid wolf - and his aesthetically-challenged face pops up on every website she visits. Stone has relentlessly stalked his victim on the Internet for over 3 years now. During that time he has wrongly and repeatedly reported her for "welfare fraud" to innumerable authorities, including the FBI, the DWP, US Immigration, Scotland Yard, the First Minister for Scotland, MI-6, and even MI-7... which exists only in James Bond movies! When Stone found online links to his victim's involvement in a volunteer group in her local community, he emailed the leader of that group making false, outrageous accusations that she posed a danger to children, in a misguided attempt to blacken her name. In recent weeks Stone found online photos of his victim making a success of her volunteer work; he then stalked each and every person photographed with her and spammed their various Facebook pages with his incessant drivel. Naturally none of these victims read beyond the first paragraph of Stone's word salad before clicking "Delete and Block this User." It provided mild amusement among the victims for about as long as it takes to wipe bird crap off your windshield. As a former nurse, fired for harassment and insubordination, Stone chooses to describe himself as a "retired nurse" on Facebook. He uses his alleged nursing qualifications to prop up his ego, and has the audacity to email his victim's endocrinologist (a world-renowned Professor in his field) with advice on how to treat her as a patient! Stone relishes taunting his victim about her illness, and regularly provides his own wild diagnoses and recommendations about her medication. In all of these attacks on his victim, Stone really seems to expect to be taken seriously, when in fact he is making a global laughing stock of himself. Stone's ramblings provide enough material for an entire conference on pathology, projection and pathos. Instead of Stone announcing to the world (on Facebook) about his colonoscopy, he should try trephination and stick the camera where his brain should be. [The first image here refers to The Stone of Madness: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trepanning] But Stone the Energizer Bunny knows no bounds!" -- Victim 1 of Gary Stone

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." Joe Teig, New York, NY

UPDATE

Sunday, May 01, 2011

When The Cheater Finds You Have Been Spying

1 comment: