BRAD DORSKY: ONE VICTIM SHARES HER THOUGHTS

ONE OF BRAD DORSKY (our Predator of the Month)'s
VICTIMS SHARES HER THOUGHTS:
Brad and I met in late 1999 or early 2000 in a social/cultural issues discussion club on Yahoo (he was, at the time, real-life friends with the founder). We didn't talk until spring of 2000, but I had liked his posts because they were written in a very unusual style and because he seemed to fit the "dream man" criteria I had in my head. (Cyberpaths tailor their "stats" to fit YOUR needs... liars)

I was only 15 and had been through difficult experiences in the school I attended prior to high school, and I wanted to vent to someone about society and why people treated me the way they did at that school. I was happy because I had lots of friends in high school but at the same time, still angry and depressed and didn't feel like I could love someone. I added him to my Friend List for that purpose- venting and talking about social and cultural change from the heart. I actually didn't want to get into more than friendship because I had this feeling that it was going to get out of control. I added everyone in the club, but he was the only club member to write me back with a friendly note saying that he read my profile and he couldn't wait to talk to me. (he figured out you were depressed, in need of some attention and moved in for the kill!)

We became on and off friends from 2000 to 2002. We did flirt a lot, but we also had fights over pretty juvenile things (musical taste or just difference of opinion) and would stop speaking sometimes for months.

In 2002, our club disintegrated, and my family moved to another city where I started university, which took me a while to adjust. During that time, I felt like Brad was the only stable thing in my life. He told me and made me believe that he was my soulmate and that we had a spiritual connection that was deep & intense. It was then that I started getting real feelings for him. We started talking about meeting and becoming intimate. He told me he never had sex with a girl because he wanted something serious and soulful, and girls in his area were slutty... he said I was that girl he was looking for, and when we would finally be together, it would change our lives. After a long year filled with planning and, sadly, my lying to my family on some occasions, we met in person. I was 18 at that time. (how CONVENIENT of him to WAIT until you were LEGAL! Almost pedophile-like grooming of you then he pounced when you were of age, huh?)

He was extremely arrogant and didn't even look into my eyes half the time. I felt like my head automatically bowed in front of him. He made me feel very small because he is tall and used his arrogant posture, making him seem even taller. I thought he had a very warm, hypnotic voice and his eye color was very fascinating, but the meeting was a disaster. He was with a friend of his, which I did not expect, and after 20 minutes, he disappeared on me.

My parents were there; they were shocked and my mom said she could feel these very bad vibes from him just when he talked. I didn't listen because he'd brainwashed me thoroughly. Later, he told me it was my fault because I didn't listen to his directions properly, but whatever it was, he "punished" me by not talking to me for several months. (typical)

We "made up" in late 2003 and kept talking until 2005. Beginning in 2003 and into 2005, he changed gradually. He made up different excuses about why he couldn't come and see me. He also dropped covert hints that I wasn't good enough for him and that if I wanted him to see me, I would have to improve myself. He began to step-up the brainwashing; subtly telling me howI should dress and act and what kind of beliefs I should have and what I had to think about the world in general if I wanted him to be with me.

I didn't realize he was abusing me only because I thought abuse involved overt name-calling or physical abuse and he never called me a hurtful name in my life. Around this time the sexual conversations began to turn scarier for me. He started asking me more often if I was going out with other guys behind his back and being "disloyal." He began to use some very frightening terms and continually manipulated me into discussing sexual stuff I was very uncomfortable with. If I didn't agree to do it, we couldn't have a real relationship, according to him. (GAG!!! what a user & predator!!)
Our relationship turned into a hopeless cycle of me trying to change myself and please him and then him complaining about something that made me 'never quite good enough.' By the end, Brad told me I was going to be his sex slave (and told me what that would entail!!) and he would control the way I dressed when I was with him to make it more revealing in ways I hated (everything low cut and those plaid schoolgirl skirts). He also made jokes about threesomes with his male friends. Despite all of my objections, Brad effectively used this thought reform to add one more layer of fear to our relationship. By now we only talked approximately once a month and rarely e-mailed.

Every conversation now was filled with tension. I would think "What else is he going to tell me to do? How will I have to please him?" I was very fearful and hypervigilent by 2005 because I truly did not know what to expect. Sometimes, he would let things go, but other times, he would not and I never knew when he do one thing or another. I used to say "Brad is watching over me" meaning I thought he was supporting and loving towards me. But by this time, it felt like he really was watching my every move. He had twisted my mind, and everything I did was filled with this doubt, "would Brad approve?"

I found out the truth in the summer of 2005. At this time, the relationship had turned into blatant emotional abuse and I decided to stopped speaking to him temporarily because the anxiety was making me physically sick. The stress made me lose about 5-7 pounds and felt very weak. I always suspected he was talking to other girls online, but he had convinced me it wasn't serious and I was the only serious girl he had any relationship with. Accidentally (I was looking for something related to his state's music scene), I found the first of his online personal ads! It had his picture on it, the same one he sent me, which confirmed - it was him.
When I read the ad, for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a total fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his ad. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" (all cyberpaths say this and guess what NO ONE WILL EVER BE RIGHT!! its a LURE!!) Here I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion, all so he would come see me; just so he would touch me! I was horrified by the fact he used the same exact language in the ad as he did with me. He made me into a disposable shell of myself and he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this man call himself moral and representing some sort of "indie culture" when he was a liar. (Because he's narcissistic)

I then went on a search of more personals sites and found him at at least three different sites, portraying himself in three different ways. That's just the ones I could view without registering. He probably has more ads and picks up some of his girls through Yahoo clubs, as he did with me. (Yes, probably using the same B.S. or tailoring it to each girl so he can twist her mind too. Psychological sadist)
The last time we spoke was in July of 2005. I confronted him about the ads. I told him that I saw one of the ads. He admitted it to me ("I didn't write anything that bad in those ads!") and told me I was overreacting and that I should basically pretend I never saw them because he said, "I am going to tell you what I think you should know". (LOL!!! JERK!!!) He even asked me to prove I saw them; by that time, I knew how he operated, so I saved the two photos on his ad and sent them to him. After that, he said "So what, we are just friends, aren't we?". I told him that we were planning to have something more, and he said "I talk dirty to lots of girls online and we're all just friends." (and that's OK???? Wow what a pervert! And a liar. And a USER! Can't have a female friend without it being sexual?)

Brad then accused me of being disloyal and talking dirty to other guys online behind his back and before I could answer him he left. (how mature!! NOT! he was BUSTED!! This is a common reaction for cyberpaths. Projection -- accusing you-- and running; like a roach when the lights come on.)

Afterwards, I began getting better. Iit took me a couple months to calm the anxiety attacks and the constant feeling of being inadequate. I am much better now, although when I get depressed the feeling comes back. I have not had any contact with him. I found some other screennames from one of his emails, researched them found that they probably some of his other current online targets.

I don't want 'revenge' or to 'teach him a lesson.' I have nothing more to say to him. I want to expose him because I know there are other girls feeling the same pain and anxiety I was subjected to by this cyberpath and I want to know they're not alone and its not their fault. I also want to warn other women that may want to meet him via his online ads. Hopefully, more people can now understand the way predators like him think and operate and make decisions to avoid someone like him. (good for you!)

I am now enjoying studying and living my life the way I want. It's an amazing feeling not to be brainwashed or controlled by someone who claims he does it because he loves you and because he's helping you become a good person. There is no longer that feeling of pressure on me, and I can't believe how good being free of him feels!
(GOOD FOR YOU!!!
This story is classic and shows how these guys manipulate their victims then PROJECT their bad behavior on their victims, leaving the victims feeling guilty -- while running away to find new prey! This cyberpath picks on girls who are too young to realize what he's doing until its to late; grooming them and once they are 'of age' getting sexual kicks online with them. This was emotional rape, a serious boundary violation and legally "intentional infliction of emotional distress" - Fighter )