While exposing a predator (or any cheater/ liar for that matter) can give YOU conceptual closure, bear the following things in mind while you plan how to do it:
What if the partner/spouse/job doesn't believe you.... but believes the lies and revisionist history of THE PREDATOR!!
- You could lose your job
- You could be accused of harassment or stalking
- You could be accused of a vendetta against the predator
- You could get a cease & desist order and/or Restraining Order filed against you
This is what the partner MIGHT do:
Tell YOU to stop pursuing their partner; that the predator had already told them what a nutcase you are, your attentions were not welcome and please stop trying to come between their relationship and/or start trouble in their family
Even if you can produce emails, instant message transcripts, letters, gifts, photos, etc as proof of the relationship. This is what might happen:
the partner/job can say they prove nothing. Predators are VERY GOOD LIARS & TALKERS!! Even if you have source codes saved on instant messages and emails... they can still tell themselves YOU MADE IT ALL UP. (however these are great things to have if you need to go to law enforcement for any reason - and make sure law enforcement makes a REPORT and ASK FOR A COPY OF THIS REPORT)The Predator will also say YOU MADE IT ALL UP... or PLANTED IT...
And their partner can say "So what? I don't even have any way of knowing that what you are showing me really came from him/her. Maybe YOU planted them!" ...
The partner and the predator often call the police and make YOU out to be the bad one/stalker, etc. (or threaten to)
If there are other targets involved, rest assured the predator has ALREADY planted seeds in their brain saying:
- YOU are crazy
- YOU are obsessed with them
- YOU are just a 'scorned woman' or 'psycho ex'
- THE PREDATOR is/was just being nice to you - that's ALL
- YOU started the relationship
- YOU are mentally ill
- YOU are angry because he/she wouldn't sleep with you (even if they already did!)
- THE PREDATOR will blame your divorce/ breakups on the "fact" that YOU are imbalanced and none of your exes can stand being around you
- THE PREDATOR will blame any disability, illness you have because of them (including PTSD) on something else -- such as calling you "lazy" or "old" or "desperate for attention" or a "cheat" and so on...
- YOU are the predator here, not them!
- YOU invented everything
- YOU are trying to hurt their relationship(s) because you are jealous
Of course they have been so thorough that by the time you come on the picture with the truth - you are primed to appear the fool and your words have already been sprayed with the smell of fiction.
Predators are VERY convincing liars and can spin a tale or explanation so convincing that even if you don't totally believe it, you think you're crazy for doubting it because they said it with ABSOLUTE CONVICTION (cyberpaths often believe their own lies, since they are a type of sociopath - and behave the same way)
CLICK HERE FOR ANOTHER INFORMATIVE ARTICLE ABOUT THIS PROCESS
It is easy to believe because the partner/other targets WANT to believe... it's part of their manipulation & seduction. No one really wants to admit they've been used, cheated on, lied to, manipulated and disregarded and your entire relationship was fake, would you? Now think about if you were the spouse/ partner/ or other relationship....
It's easier to believe, even if the predator was caught red handed, that it's an isolated incident and will never happen again. Predators will often make all sorts of "shows" of accountability to save face with the family. Therapy, installing software for the partner, buying a new computer for the partner, etc etc. --- and believe us it IS all SHOW! Don't believe for a second that as soon as their partner calms down and they are sure their excuses have been 'swallowed whole' they will GO RIGHT BACK to things and trolling for new victims.
Denial often beats out the pain of realizing what the horrible truth really is or facing divorce or the dissolution of a family or partnership.
By the way? The cyberpath will FULLY EMBRACE the NO CONTACT rules laid down by their clueless partner, therapist, clergy or other targets. That means they will disappear on you - probably forever. Not having YOU and THE TRUTH in the picture makes it INFINITELY easier for them to spin their web of lies & deceit to those desperate to believe it. (While it usually sends your PTSD into high gear)
If they REALLY are sorry? They would TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH as well as sit down and give you face to face meetings - with WITNESSES.
And they would reframe their relationships with their partners, you and everyone else and allow for healing and truth across the board.
But don't hold your breath.
After a while, when you have been lied to non-stop by a predator nothing makes any sense any more and you have no real idea of how healthy people function, how normal relationships work, and what is and is not acceptable behavior.
Reality and normalcy really no longer exist after a long enough period of time living with a Narcissistic type psychopath, cyberpath & predator. How many times have you seen people on TV whose spouses or partners were arrested and they say "we have been together for 20 years and I HAD NO IDEA!!" We bet they DID have an idea but buried it.
When approaching a partner/other targets about the predator/cyberpath (or one of their friends and associates), you must remember that it makes perfect, logical sense to YOU, but to THEM, either nothing has made sense for SO long OR.... they have been fed so many lies and twists and become so bonded to the predator that there is no way on this earth that you can expect a reasonable, proportionate reaction to anything you have to say or tell them.
CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT ARTICLE ABOUT OTHERS "NOT GETTING IT"
The associates, friends & partners of predators, cyberpaths, narcissists, psychopaths have been so brainwashed and reprogrammed that all reason goes out the figurative window.
These predatory types are very good at covering their bases, asses, and tracks. NEVER for an instant forget that. They plan for things we wouldn't even think of because we are basically honest people that don't need to hide things.
Think about it... now, from your standpoint, if someone showed you pictures of your partner's vehicle, with the plates in clear view and them getting into the car near something that definitely IDs it as someone else's residence, and then they claimed they were never there, you'd laugh in their face, right? Of course you would.
Because you're OUT of the relationship with that predator or liar and things make sense again. --- But what would you have done at the time? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
That said, Telling the Truth is the best and strongest option. But choose how you want to do it. (see links at the right where Victims Speak Out about the smear the predator tells about them!)
Back up your plan and be ready for the above scenario. There are sites that deal with this sort of thing. Have hard & fast proof. Don't embellish. And be ready for the reaction.... whatever that may be.
This should NOT be revenge but it can be empowering, conceptual closure and a step towards your healing.