Wednesday, July 18, 2012


(taken from the work of Lundy Bancroft)

The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making,

he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends, online or off he is manipulative

he misleads people inside and outside of the family/ close friends about his

he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault

he changes times & dates to cover himself

he turns into a
sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so

his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality

he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members

he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda,
and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy

he typically believes that it is his sole
prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex; he may even moralize to her when it is him that is the sex addict

he usually believes that work should be
done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference

he is highly and often subtly demanding

he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than
he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object

he communicates his sense of
superiority in various ways

after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well; sometimes he carries on multiple affairs slowly & painfully dropping one for the other

cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good"
behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so

the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is
wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the two cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.

When caught:
Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target
of doing all the things that he has done.

he will call his target a "predator too!"

he will say that she was 'harassing' him and his friends/family
, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts), and that she was 'unfaithful' and/or 'also at fault'.

he will call her: a scorned woman, crazy, a stalker, obsessed with him, jealous, etc ....


(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)


yngathrrt said...

Excellent post and so very true. I recently did a post on the definition of a cyberpath, and wish I had read this post before giving my complete definition.

As always Fighter, you hit the nail on the head with what you say.

Take care,

Anonymous said...

Yes it IS an excellent post! The sociopath I was involved with did the adopting the language of domestic violence experts to my shock!! He had stated how much he hated that language so many times and then one day it was "I need to get some boundaries with you!" If I could've picked my chin up off the floor I'd have laughed in his face. My god!! He had been so abusive to me and yet suddenly here he was saying HE needed boundaries???

Amazing. I had severe PTSD, depression and had got physically ill from his abuse and yet HE needed boundaries? It's nauseating how they do this.

Another one he came out with was whenever I tried to talk about how his abuse or lies or breaking relationship contracts hurt me he started to use this a lot "That is your ISSUE."

Lord only a few weeks before he didn't even know how to apply either of those words and he used that language to let himself off the hook and to further discredit and abuse me with.

There is no moral "bottom" to these people.