GETTING THE UPPER HAND

EOPC gets emails every week from victims of cyberpaths, asking:

"How do I get rid of this person?  They are stalking, harassing, cyberstalking, defaming, contacting my family/friends.  I told them to stop.  I reported them to the police and others.  They are angry that I figured out their game.  They will not leave me alone."

The below article will hopefully, be of some help.

I want to talk about some things we can all do when dealing with a nutjob or control freak. Many of these I have used over the years. Some I learned from my own mistakes.

Basically, it boils down to a number of traits and attitudes:

1. Have confidence and feel powerful - If a person doesn’t have any confidence right now, with themselves or a particular situation, then I say , ’Fake it Until you Make it!’


Practice, practice, practice, until you ARE confident that circumstances will work out better for you. Act as if you ARE a powerful human being. Make eye contact with others and treat your life like it should be treated, because everyone deserves to be treated well.


Do not let anyone take it from you! Learn all you can about what being a confident person truly is. Surround yourself with confident people who are impeccable and rise to the occasion of being the best they can be, regardless of circumstances


2. Don’t try to win a pointless battle. Take care of yourself and the things in your life that are most important. Leave the petty things for another day. Pick and choose your battles! Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by ANYONE by getting involved in an argument or stupid drama. Delegate the fighting to someone else who is more experienced and a professional to handle the ’bull’. They will quickly realize what it’s like dealing with your psychopath and may suggest how to handle things from a different perspective.


3. There’s no need to be kind, friendly or nice. It’s not your job to give in to what others want all the time. You can always be professional-like, firm and say no! You are not required to provide your reasons to anyone for simply saying no. You have the right to completely ignore people who try to harass you, no matter what the threat may be. Do not react to them, and never forecast what actions you will take (if any). You are not obligated to be in a relationship with the other person if you do not want to be. You can chose your friends and those you wish to associate with. You can choose where you work. You can choose where you live and how you live.


4. Be unpredictable and mysterious. You can break the rules and do things differently. You owe it to nobody to account for anything. Never submit to their demands (but you can make it seem like you will). No one needs to know everything about you, especially someone who wants to harm or damage you. This alone can shake things up a bit - the stalker can be thrown off balance and not know what to expect anymore - and there’s nothing they can do about it.


5. Control emotions. Never get mad. Don’t cry in front of the other person. Appear upbeat and as if nothing can bother you; smile and laugh often! You do not always have to be sad - and never appear depressed (or homicidal).

Be business-like and serious when you need to be - confident and resilient. If you show emotion (especially desperation or loneliness), then you demonstrate to others what you may be feeling, and they can take advantage of you when you are vulnerable, or use it against you (legal professionals, law enforcement, and those in a position of power included).

Beat the crap out of a concrete floor (or solid ground) with a bat or a stick and scream to release your emotions (in private!) if you need to get rid of pent-up junk. I used to have to do this regularily. Now I laugh about it. But it felt great afterwards. It’s a healthy way to deal with ’stuff’.


6. Think about yourself (and your loved ones). Don’t worry what your harasser is up to or doing (or planning next). It can drive you mad not knowing, I realize that. What’s worse is you thinking up bad scenarios that have not happened (or may never)! Consider your own needs. What makes you happy and content in your life? Get your life back - start doing those things that you love again. Make it a habit, get unstuck and release yourself from all the negativity


7. Educate yourself. If you’re unfamiliar with certain topics, such as legal rights or finances, then research as much as you can. Information is power. Get yourself a free education by volunteering or working in the industry you may need to learn more about.


Most answers can be found on the internet these days, or by speaking to professionals and experts who know what they are talking about. Other answers can be located deeper within yourself. Always know what your options really are, make a Plan A, B, C and seek guidance on how you can get there.


Don’t believe everything people tell you, especially those in authority (because they could be lying, lazy, or just plain lame). Ask questions when you don’t know what to say. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! Do not assume anything. There may be more than one way to deal with your problem - there can be multiple solutions that you can test and try.


8. Dress for success. Look presentable and professional as much as you can. Do your hair, wear good clothing, spray on perfume or cologne, put on makeup to brighten your features.


Don’t look like a frazzled walking stress-case because people will treat you like one. More opportunity will arrive on your doorstep when you appear as though you expect it. Not only will you look better, you will start to feel better, appear more confident, be taken seriously and treated accordingly.


9. Get a handle on your financial situation.  If you have money that someone else wants, find a way to protect it.

Focusing on accumulation of wealth and success will preoccupy you and take your mind off the meaningless crap in your life. Remember, the one who has the gold, has more power.


10. Disassociate. By choosing to not have anything to do with the other person (unless absolutely necessary), you can gain the upper hand instantly. No one likes rejection.


If they have no way to connect with you, or harass you, and you don’t reciprocate or react, then the game they play can eventually become boring to them - they will move on to something or someone else to occupy their time (without a reaction from you). Their behaviour may escalate, but stand your ground. Keep safe and away from potentially violent situations. Do not take the bait if they make childish, harmful or made-up comments about you.


11. Be sharp and quick. Be witty, ingenious and creative. When you think you have explored every possible solution (and they have miserably failed), consider what the least obvious means to an end may be.


Go with your gut. You can outsmart a psychopathic when they least expect it, as this is all a game of cat-and-mouse to them. Most of them assume you will try to engage others to go against their smear campaign or abuse. The majority of these cases (are criminal, yes) but will never be prosecuted. Know that and accept it.


You can expose their character defects, their weaknesses and gaps in their plan. This can really get them tangled up in a ball of lies and contradictions!

Alot of the above techniques are likely employed by the stalker or psychopath in your life. I heard from a police detective once that if the cops want to catch the criminals, they have to think like them. This does not make them bad or immoral people for doing so.

So put yourself in the shoes of your harasser,and deal with their behaviour by being proactive and ahead of the game. Think like them, but do not be like them.

I believe I have the upper hand now when it comes to dealing with my psychopathic stalker. We are out of sight (and reach) - there is nothing more he (or she) can do to harm us.
 
original article found here

Judge Spares Woman Jail After she Plotted Attack on Internet 'Troll'

Judge spares mother jail after she plotted attack on internet 'troll' who posted horrific comments about disabled daughter


by Chris Greenwood

A mother who joined a revenge attack on a man responsible for a vile campaign of internet abuse against her disabled daughter has been spared prison.

Sylvia Hooper, 52, was described as a ‘decent and law-abiding’ woman who dedicated her life to her seriously ill daughter Kim Arnold. But she snapped after looking on helplessly as a cowardly bully sent her daughter a series of appalling comments via Facebook.

Mrs Hooper faced a jail sentence after identifying Christopher Berwick and confronting him outside his home in Chatham, Kent.

But a judge – who labelled the messages ‘disgraceful and shameful’ – took pity on Mrs Hooper after hearing they were part of a long-term campaign.

The case is the latest evidence of the growing impact of online bullying and abuse through social networking sites. Known as ‘trolling’, it sees abusers, who often hide behind a veil of anonymity or false identities, deluging their victims with cruel taunts. Campaigners have repeatedly called for websites to take swifter action against the ‘trolls’.

Miss Arnold was sent a series of messages via a false Facebook account that left her deeply depressed, Maidstone Crown Court was told. One labelled her a cripple and said that Miss Arnold, who is a wheelchair user, should be left to ‘roll down a hill'.

A judge at Maidstone Crown Court labelled the messages 'shameful' and took pity on Mrs Hooper after hearing they were part of a long-term campaign.

Another message read: ‘Your mother should have had an abortion. She only had you because she felt sorry for you.’

Mrs Hooper realised the culprit was Mr Berwick, who lived nearby, and joined her son Robert and his friend Soloman Taylor outside his home. Mr Hooper, 19, punched Mr Berwick after his mother said ‘hit him’ and the bully was then taken back to the family home by car. He was forced to crawl inside and make a ‘grovelling apology’ to his victim while on all fours. At one point he was hit on the chin with a rolled up newspaper.

Prosecutor Neil Sandys said Mr Berwick originally tried to blame his then girlfriend but eventually admitted being responsible. He said the Facebook exchange was ‘low, mean, base and shameful’ and added that Mr Berwick admitted doing it before.

Mrs Hooper’s solicitor Catharine Donnelly said the comments were ‘beyond the pale’ and told the court ‘none of us would be here today’ without his actions.

Speaking about Mrs Hooper, she said: ‘She is a decent woman who has devoted herself to her daughter. She has led a decent and law-abiding life. It is clear she is a woman who will never trouble these courts again. She was an encourager, rather than a hitter.’

Danny Moore, for Mr Hooper, said Mr Berwick got a kick out of ‘playing mind games with a severely disabled young lady’.

He highlighted how police told the victims there was nothing they could do and the bully was not prosecuted for sending malicious messages.

All three admitted assault but denied false imprisonment and the judge ruled that not guilty verdicts should be entered.

Judge Richard Polden said it ‘troubled him’ that Mrs Hooper had said, ‘hit him’, but accepted that Mr Hooper was acting out of a ‘protective instinct’ to his sister. He said: ‘I sentence you on the basis that Mr Berwick sent messages that were wholly disgraceful and shameful but then tried to put the blame on his girlfriend.’

Mrs Hooper was given a conditional discharge.

The two men were given community orders which included voluntary work.


original article

Minnesota Man Sentenced for Shaming Website

An Eagan man has pleaded guilty to attempting to coerce a man he believed to be a love rival, also admitting to disorderly conduct.

Emmett Salberg, 45, had for years poked fun at local officials as the creator of two websites that had resembled the city of Eagan's website. That had led to such confusion on the public's part, and embarrassment for the city, that the city council agreed last June to buy the two Web domains from him for $2,000.

Then, a year ago, Salberg was charged with two counts of attempted coercion and another count of harassment in a different matter, in which he allegedly created a website to publish insults and images of a man who Salberg believed had an affair with his wife. He allegedly tried to collect $5,000 from the man to pull down the website, according to the charges.

On Wednesday, Salberg pleaded guilty in Dakota County District Court to attempted coercion and another charge that had been added, misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Judge David Knutson sentenced Salberg to six days in jail, with credit for three days served, and four years on probation. He must attend a court-ordered anger-management course and pay restitution, but the amount has yet to be determined.

Salberg also was ordered to shut down the domain in which he had published the derogatory material and to submit to random checks by authorities of his Internet use.

original article here