We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.
This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.
These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it. NLP can be a powerful tool -- but in the hands of exploitative pathologicals? LOOK OUT!
Here's some clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction:
NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming
Review of The Art of Seduction
Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.
Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.
Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.
How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.
Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday!)
Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??
Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques
Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right ladies - they DO discuss how to do it! and this is not the only forum where these predators discuss this stuff
Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You - one of Sammy Benoit aka yidwithlid's (first profiled in Feb. 2005) playbooks; verified to us by law enforcementLife of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.
Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."
The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?
Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.
-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)
-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)
-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)
-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)
(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)
For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]
[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.
Our Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...]
A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]
Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated?
Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see or even 'what's wrong with me?'.
Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you reeled in before you know what hit you. - EOPC
8 comments:
I went to one of those sites out of interest. It said what men from those hypnosis seduction workshops wanted from women....the list looked like this: hot, sexy, dressed revealing only, SUBMISSIVE emotionally and sexually, "adventurous" (what my cyberpath said!), "slutty in the bedroom but not anywhere else" (translation: outside the bedroom, you won't even exist...and in the bedroom you'll be forced to act like something you're NOT), etc etc etc. Also they listed some positions/things she would have to do sexually- same stuff my cyberpath said. People are different- some people feel very comfortable doing certain things, but if they are uncomfortable, why do you have to force them into something they don't want just to prove how controlling you are? How sick is this??? But most importantly, why didn't these "men" (don't have respect for them..they're not real men)include "intelligent","someone to have a REAL CONVERSATION with", "someone with strong beliefs and a real personality" as one of their favorite traits in a woman? Maybe because an intelligent woman is a threat to them.....shows how dumb they are! Reading that was like looking into my cyberpath's mind again. He didn't like women with a REAL personality and since I had one, he decided to destroy it and create his own instead. We know how THAT turned out! ;-)
No doubt I entirely agree with the comment above. That's so damn right!
Recently a cyberpath from Toronto-Canada (I can call it now) I was in touch with, insulted me because he could "feel" I was not buying his lies. I didn't tell it directly but he could spot it.
One of the insults he wrote was "you're too smart for your own good".
At the same time I found out that he was romancing a woman in Central Europe, telling her the most pathetic love words (I can say they could be taken from Romeo & Juliet)and letting her believe, she could start a new life with him, even having a child together.
She never questioned him for anything, she didn't know there were those cyberpaths out there. She was treated like a "Princess" and she trusted this man.
The problem is that this woman was not prepared to be online talking to a man and she was really na�ve.
Those he was talking to, at the same time as her, revealing a strong personality were right away devalued and sooner or later insulted.
It's quite obvious this man is one of those who hates a woman with a personality although he claims loud and clear he hates "submissive, soft-voiced and ultra feminine" women.
I totally agree with everything said. I looked at those sites and was dumbfounded. I always thought those sites were a joke - until I had it done to me online & off by someone I dated for 17 months. Another thing these guys do is manipulate you into doing or saying things you wouldn't normal do. Like being more "sexually adventurous" or "pleasing" them. Mine did this and I remember thinking, I don't even like doing this!! What is happening to me?? Now I know - I was being controlled! Of course once I did all those things for him, he told me near the end that I wasn't for him, I was too wild and he didn't feel comfortable introducing me to anyone. I couldn't believe it. He turned an intelligent, solid woman into a sex object - and I couldn't understand what I did wrong. Now I know it was him. He's back online trolling for more victims (aka 'the right woman' - HA!). Thank goodness for this site!
I totally agree with you on this. Sites like this and http://www.pickupmastery .com are totally inappropriate for anyone with any real values. If people meet and sleep with women through knowledge of these sitesthen how will people every find love?
--Gina
Thank you so much for this article and this site, for the awareness it brings.
Having lurked in an NLP forum some years ago, I was and am horrified that these techniques are studied and applied as though using language towards such ends would be some sort of fine art. Men would post their NLP "love letters" and have them edited by others. Suggestions were made as to which words worked best and how to successfully seduce online as fast as possible.
Even with that knowledge, I too fell prey to a very "clever" Don Juan type (as I later discovered). We even had a whole discussion about NLP and how evil it is! I put "clever" in scare quotes because they are really just liars and manipulators and -- bottom line -- that is an extremely unintelligent misuse of relationship - if they even know what a relationship is.
It is my belief that these men actually enjoy preying on strong, independent, discerning women far more, as it represents a greater challenge / conquest for them. They are exceedingly good at mirroring and therefore eliciting your trust.
They also like to choose empathic women and I think that is the real hook. Once you are onto them, the "I really need you" pleas can be devastatingly difficult to ignore. Of course they know this and create all sorts of situations where they play upon your good nature, conscientiousness and humanity.
So, no, no one is stupid for falling for them. And no one has the right to steal your heart or soul. In the end, they are the big losers for being empty and vacuous creatures who completely lack conscience and integrity.
Again, thank you for this site which has helped me so much with my own healing. Stay safe everyone.
I had never even heard of NLP until I was introduced to it by my ex partner who displays all the characteristics of NPD/Sociopath/Cyberbath. He was a highly intellectual man who had a few books on NLP, Body Language, and the "Art of War" which is a frightening book. He told me the NLP books were a very valuable tool for his work environment for "team building" etc. I was very skeptical as I hadn't really looked at them and wasn't convinced you can learn things like that from a book. I wasn't really paying attention at that time because he was so convincing and I just didn't pick up on it.
Later, down the line, as my life with him was taking on an extremeley uneasy kind of malevolent feeling, I started to nose around in these books to see what all his fuss was about. He was always telling me you can "change the way you are by changing your thoughts" and I tended to disagree. He would often tell me I needed to change my thoughts but obviously I was incapable of change.
When I started looking at these books, I was quite horrified. I felt that, in the wrong hands (little did I realise) these skills could be used in an abusive way to assert control over people without their permission or knowledge, because you aren't walking around all the time with a radar looking out for people playing mind games with you. I had arguments with him to this effect. I also felt uneasy because I noticed he made notes in these books, and ticked off passages, and underlined them which I felt was odd and creepy. I slowly dawned on me that maybe he was using these tactics on me as I had begun to discover lies he had told, and women he was in touch with, and realised that one of the things I had noticed about him is the language he uses, especially by email or text. I could never quite get to the bottom of it, but always sensed there was something hidden in his words. I also began to realise he was playing head games with people, and he revelled in the power it gave him. He regularly told me how he belittled people at work who had crossed him in some way.
It was reading these books, beginning to see pieces in a strange jigsaw, having realised I was in a state of constant anxiety around this charming, dazzling and rather controlling man, but had never worked out quite why.
When I discovered he had a secret little life of internet activity, where he prowled the internet for women, using the same words/styles of language and approach to each and everyone, the same he had used on me, I began to realise that nothing he said to me meant anything at all. What staggers me is the amount of women that respond to him with poetry, romantic letters, telling him how special they feel around him. Just the same as I felt around him. I began to feel as though I lived with some kind of godlike babe magnet. I became so insecure, so unsure of myself, so pathetic it makes me shudder to remember. I didn't realise then, I didn't have the knowledge and understanding then, that these were women he lured with the skill of spider in his web.
He became cold, cunning, and emotionally abusive, using all sorts of techniques to undermine me once he realised I had found him out, but never did he topple from his standpoint of being the superior being. Never did he show shame, sorrow, remorse or regret. He simply made me feel like I was inferior to him for being so pathetic as to care.
NLP is to me a word that brings my hackles up and I will never read a book of that nature again. Evil stuff.
yes its horrible to know these things happen.I was not knowing about NLP but this article made me aware of all these things.Good that people are now becoming more about these types of crimes.
at comment #2: your description reminds me very strongly on a cyberpath who lived in central europe before. the short facts fits one : one. i wonder....but since these cyber/sociopaths are using all the same techniques the reactions and results on those manipulators will continue to repeat. I am thankful for stumbling over this page here which is very much helpful in order to prevention and information.
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