Monday, February 06, 2012

Woman Thinks Boyfriend is Still Browsing Online Dating Sites

Dear Harriette:
I'm in a committed relationship with a guy I met on a dating Web site seven months ago. Things between us are good, but I have a feeling he's still "fishing" on the same Web site and I don't know how to ask him about it. When he suggested we become exclusive, I told him I wanted us to remove our profiles since we weren't going to see other people any longer. He agreed, but never took his profile off.

I didn't let it bother me at first because he never gave me a reason not to trust him. Lately however, I noticed that he goes on the site every few days. He says he's a "one-woman type of guy" and doesn't want to date anyone else.

But I don't trust him. How can I ask him if he is still looking, without sounding too accusing and psychotic? I'd have to admit that I check his profile, and that does not look too good. How I can resolve this without scaring him away?

Tati, Dallas, Texas

Before you start feeling "too accusing and psychotic," come clean with him. Sit down with your boyfriend and admit what you have discovered and how you learned it. Explain to him that you had an inkling that he might not have "taken himself off the market," and, trusting your instincts, you checked.

Lo and behold, you discovered he had not done what he had agreed to do with you, namely take his profile off the dating site. Ask him why he has chosen to remain "out there" and available. Without threatening, probe to learn what he's thinking.

Tell him you enjoy his company and would like to believe what he says, that he doesn't want to date anyone else, but that his actions say otherwise. His response will cue you into your next steps.

Truth be told, his behavior already has told you what you need to know.


(EOPC's response: First, you met him Online and now you say you are in a COMMITTED relationship? Can't be very committed if you don't trust him.

Second, you had every right to check on his online activities. If he gets angry - we wouldn't be worried about scaring him away. Frankly, we would put his butt right back on the curb.

And try another route to meeting someone. NO MORE ONLINE DATING. Volunteer, work on YOU. The chances of meeting a decent person online and not a predator by our estimates? 1000 to 1.

Our gut says, honey - you got a Player! Let him go play somewhere else!)

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