Monday, October 31, 2005

Online Dating: 4 Dating Mistakes to Avoid

Did you catch the dating mistakes made during episode one of ABC’s Hooking Up documentary series? If you caught the episode on July 14th, I’m sure you would have noticed what doesn’t work when it comes to dating…

Mistake #1: Using an old photo

A self-proclaimed “Fabio” look-a-like used a 15-year old picture of himself to entice women to meet him. I guess he figured once they met the “older” version of himself they’d be charmed enough to stay. Not!

Mistake #2: Telling a lie… or two

These come in at least three categories - age, name, and profession. I’m sure there are more but only three occurred in the first episode (that I saw). The musician (from mistake #1) said he was in his 30’s but he was actually in his 40’s. Can’t you just hear the umpire? Steeee-rike 2!

Or the classic line from one of the female daters on the show: “My name isn’t Jennifer, it’s Lisa.” Which was followed by her revealing that she was a doctor - just like her now confounded date.

Mistake #3: Asking yourself the wrong questions

Cynthia, one of the daters, was a bit down after a string of rather unpleasant dates. She asked herself out loud “Why am I single?” It had a feeling of “what’s wrong with me?” to it.

A better question would have been - “How do I need to be to find the man who fits into my ideal relationship?” Or, “What’s the next best step for me in finding my ideal mate?” Questions that focus on the positive of what you can do or be.

Mistake #4: Breaking up by email

This is probably more of an etiquette “violation” than a mistake, breaking up with a date by email. While the fellow said it was a cop-out, it was still tactless.

It’s rather entertaining watching the online dating experiences of others. Learn from their mistakes and save yourself a whole lot of time and trouble.

(info by Sue Bond from http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/07/27/064356.php)

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Some of the Do's & Don't of Internet Romance

1. Security first.

Until you know that you know that you know that your partner is not the type to harass you or even stalk you if the worst happens, it is wise to limit the personal information that you supply. Maintain a certain degree of anonymity until you are well prepared to release it. Ways of know how 'psycho' your partner can get include listening carefully to the way they discuss their past relationships. People often repeat their behavioural patterns, so (for example) if a guy keeps dumping on his ex-wife, there is a relatively high chance that he'll turn on you too should anything happen. Also, look out for people who are quite obsessed about their ex-partner and quickly forget that person exists as soon as you come on the scene. A bit of foresight now could save a lot of psychologists bills further down the line.


Send emails through a free email service such as hotmail, yahoo or myownemail.com and don't use any 'real details.

Keep surnames, phone numbers and addresses private until you are sure.

2. Honesty

Without direct honesty up front, your internet romance is in trouble straight off. Don't lie or exaggerate now, only to be found out and looking like a fool. Both people get ripped off when you're not honest. Honesty is the number one requirement for any internet romance. You may be surprised that your partner loves you just how you are.

Current photos definitely need to be exchanged. Try to get that done as soon as possible. For more information on how to do this, click here.


Any secrets? Spill your guts now!

Current photos are best exchanged as soon as possible.

3. Are you the only one?

Let me firstly say that if you are involved in a 'real-life' relationship as well as having an Internet Romance, I have no desire to share my thoughts with you. Infidelity is infidelity and I refuse to support such behaviour.

One of the drawbacks of Internet Relationships is that it is possible to have numerous romances simultaneously without the recipients being any the wiser. Unfortunately, the internet offers the perfect environment for such people.


Ask for his/her home phone number (and ring it!). A user is often reluctant to give our their home phone number.

Some guys/girls are quite happy to offer references from other people to verify their integrity.

Be always on the lookout for emails that are quite generalised in their content. You may not be the only one being 'bulk-mailed'.

Background checks...

Datesmart.com - a quite cheap and effective service that is designed for people in relationships.

You can do it yourself and investigate anyone using Cyber Detective.

(Google or Surf on their name & nickname(s) - read all the pages!! you will be surprised what you may find on page 32 - Fighter)

4. Email Relationships (This section by Carol Fields)

The fact that an e-mailer is just looking at a computer screen, with no voice, animation or even handwriting to connect him/her to a real person, means that they are already in a fantasy-like situation. Their defences and inhibitions drop, they can assume personal characteristics that they would never exhibit in real life. This is not the real world, but many people don't see the difference.

I think women, as opposed to men, are much more affected by the written word. Men have a tendency to be more visual and look at pictures (hence Playboy Magazine, Hustler etc.). So women can much more easily become prey to a man who is just a slick writer. Women need to be very very careful before they loose their hearts over the written words on a screen. Our local psychologist's office says his business is booming with them.

The original article can be viewed HERE

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Match.com Glitches Crosses Dating Profiles

By Frank Ahrens

Internet dating can be scary. You agree to meet complete strangers based on blurry headshots, puffed-up self-descriptions and furtive e-mail exchanges. The guy who said his body type is "about average" shows up with a body type that is "about average" in a crowd of baby hippos. The girl who said she "loves reading" turns out to "love reading" only "Star Wars" novelizations.

Well, something really scary happened last week at Match.com, the popular Web site where lonely hearts post profiles and pictures and get entered into a database searchable by geography, religion, height, pet preference, body art and so forth.

Owing to a glitch, profiles and preferences for many members temporarily were shuffled for several days. Or "criss-crossed," the company told one irritated user, a Tom from Northern Virginia, whose identity we protect because we're stand-up guys. (Match.com does not post users' real names. It's up to individuals to release names to prospective dates. Seems fair to do the same here.)

For several days, Tom's profile page sported his picture with a headline identifying him as a "funny girl." (You -- stop laughing!) Also, Match.com wiped out half of his profile, which he put more than a little effort into writing. Tom said the same thing happened to several of his friends who use Match.com.

Tom said the glitch was remedied only after several calls to the site, which -- like the Ask Jeeves search engine, the Home Shopping Network and several online businesses -- is owned by IAC/InterActiveCorp, headed by Barry Diller, a Washington Post Co. director.

The error came at a bad time for Tom: He had just sent e-mails to a few women he was interested in. "They probably thought I was an idiot if they'd read my [criss-crossed] profile," he said. Tom had to take down his profile and completely rewrite and post it. To salve the wound, Tom said Match.com offered to kick his profile up to the front of the queue.

Thanks. Thanks a bunch.

On Friday, Match.com spokeswoman Kristin Kelly said the "unprecedented" problem affected about 10,000 of its 15 million users and that an explanatory e-mail (that offered seven free days as remuneration) was sent out, though Tom said he didn't get one. (Note to Tom: Call. Get your seven free days.)

We suggest this new headline for Tom's page: "Justifiably Angry Man Seeks Correct Profile."

(why oh why do people still use internet dating? Fighter wants to know!)