Can boredom Create a Cyberpath?

The below by Steve Becker talks about sociopaths and boredom. EOPC agrees cyberpathy is a form of sociopath's and narcissist's acting out by preying on others via the internet. Give this a good read! - EOPC

by Steve Becker, MSW, LCSWWhat’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?

Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.

Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.

However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.

I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.

That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.

Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.

The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.

I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.

Now we might still say, big deal?…doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?

What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.

In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the non-sociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.

Intellectually, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.

And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.

The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.

At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.

(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) -SB

HOW NOT TO BE STALKED

Many cyberpaths may have personality disorders. Destructive Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sociopathy, etc.

The article below is on how to AVOID being stalked... it deals with a lot of real life relationships but can be easily extrapolated to deal with online relationships as well. Cyberpaths tend to have very poor impulse control and be obsessive, or addictive personalities as well. - EOPC

By Tim Pheil L.P.N.

This article is for those who may be in relationship with an obsessive person. Many times those with disorders become involved with those who also suffer. We have had marriages thru our chat room. We have also had bad relationships that ended in stalking, even across continents.
Lets face it, for every marriage there are 10 failed relationships. And those who suffer from the BPD (like myself) can obsess about relationships. As a sufferer I know the best thing you can do is learn to accept the end of a relationship and let go.

I will use myself as an example. Because of the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and sites like www.nonbpd.org . Some may find this to be “anti-BPD” but I am living nightmare these resource's talk about.
I’ll go in to my story and then finish with the Do's and Don’ts of an successful break–up with an obsessive person whether they suffer from the BPD or not.
One of the biggest factors of deterring whether a relationship is over is abuse. Physical, Mental or Emotional. I know that as an untreated sufferer can be very verbally abusive when dysporic. But you need to know what your limits are. After coming from a physically abusive relationship, I knew my breaking point was physical abuse.

Unfortunately I let my SO (Significant Other) because of more advance degree believe after 1st incident was that physical violence was a part of a normal relationship, thus I never called the police the first time. The second time I did. Unfortunately nothing was done, probably because after learning the abuser was a mental health consumer (despite fully acknowledging that she had used violence) nothing was done because they didn’t want to spend the night in the ER waiting for mental health to come take over. There was already a precedent of them being called to take this person to the Crisis Center for violence against objects (furniture).
A counselor at Mental Health suggested if the abuse got to bad that I should call relatives to see if they could help. So the mourning after the incident I called my daughter. But It was going to be 5 days till she could come get me. So I placated my SO. MY SO decided to go to her relatives in a near by town 3 days later. I called my daughter. Even after working 8 hrs she drove 4 hrs down to get me. As per instructed by the resources I had notified the local police that I was leaving and that there may be trouble and had programmed 911 into speed dial on the phone. Unfortunately she came home 2 hrs before my daughter got there. I had to do some really fast-talking to leave. I let my daughter know she was there and she drove as fast as she could fearing for my safety.

I took only what I prized most (computers). I made sure that everything was still working when I left (Telephone, Internet, Etc). I left everything else. Remember it's only things.
After moving I tried to keep working with her on the site but her decision was to start her own. After numerous phone calls, obscene messages on my answering machine and horrid emails I did as instructed and got a restraining order and changed my phone number. I though everything was fine till I learned she had simply changed her targets by harassing those who volunteer for the sanctuary (sending up to 10 emails a day) and even to those who followed her to her new site. Also the smear program toward me had started.
Some one had described the smear campaign as akin to the “I hate you, Don’t leave me” scenario. It becomes “if I can’t have you, no one can” to “I’ll make sure no one will want you because of the smear campaign."
Unfortunately when she was served the restraining order they gave her the police copy.

The one that says “Do Not Give to Respondent”. So we’ve moved. Changed both our phone number and my cell number.

I say we because after being here a short while my daughter introduced me to a wonderful woman whom I married.

Recently my ex sent me 4 emails despite the restraining order. The sheriffs Dept. came out and collected them. After reading them the deputy noticed one threatening to harass my fiancée at her job. He advised me to back to court and had me take the original restraining order. This I did, another long day in court. She learned of my wife's work place from our engagement and wedding announcements in our local newspaper. The local DA has received the incidents and will issue warrants which will then be transferred to the state and city where she resides. 4 emails equals 4 violations. So now its not a matter of if she's going to jail, but when. We did take precautions at our wedding.
My ex has since been to court twice having to go 200 miles to do so. She is on severe probation and will automatically go to jail for 1 year if she contacts me again.



Dos and Don'ts

• Don’t have joint checking, credit cards, or vehicles with someone you’re not married to.
• Do let your bank, electric, gas, insurance and phone companies know you just had a nasty break-up and password protect your accounts.
• Do, if you rent, get renters insurance.
• Do get a P.O. Box for your mail.
• Do reformat your computer if you leave it at the end of a relationship, especially if you use online services.
• Do change all your passwords to all the services you use on and offline and have them sent to a secure email.
• Do expect a smear campaign against you to all your joint friends and acquaintances. What will be told will not be the truth, but what will get your ex-partner the most sympathy towards them and hatred towards you.
• Do let your employer and friends and family know you expect it.
• Do expect the unexpected.

Restraining Orders 101

• Do call your local court and get the needed paper work filed out before going to court.
• Do take any evidence of harassment with you to court.
• Do expect to have to come back to court get a permanent restraining order.
• Do expect to have to file multiple restraining orders if others are involved. In some states you can get an others added, in most you can get minor children added.
• Do expect to wait in court.
• Do get caller id on your phone.
• Do make sure your phone number is unlisted if you change phone numbers.
• Do remember any contact whether you receive it or not constitutes a violation. In my case 4 emails equals 4 violations. Even if you don’t pick up the phone and the caller IDs them the respondent is in violation.
• Do call your local Police Dept or Sheriffs for any violation.
• Do call your local Police Dept or Sheriffs if the respondent tries to use a 3rd party to convey messages or threats to you.
• Do remember the laws are there to protect you, not your tormentor.

ARTICLE FROM THIS SITE

STALKING VICTIMS SANCTUARY - CLICK HERE
CYBERSTALKING: Obsessional Pursuit


EOPC cannot and does not intervene if you are cyberstalked or cyberharassed. We can only help you tell your story. For help please contact one of the other organizations listed.

Cyberpaths Have Narcissistic Characteristics

(EOPC believes Cyberpaths have both Narcissistic and Sociopathic Characteristics. Many of them probably suffer from either or both Personality Disorders.

Yours does not need to have all these to be Narcissistic. A handful will suffice.)

• Self-centered. His needs are paramount. No one else’s count.
• No remorse for abuse, outbursts, mistakes or misdeeds. EVER.
• Unreliable, undependable. And often proud of it.
• Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
• Projects his faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault. Blame and projection are primary M.O.
• Little if any conscience or ability to empathize with others.
• Insensitive to needs and feelings of others, especially his intimate partner(s).
• Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others. Jekyll/Hyde personality ie: public vs private behavior with partner. OTHERS often believe the front/social “Jekyll” personality and think he’s Mr. Wonderful. This serves to isolate and discredit the victim’s experience so that no one will believe he’s abusive with HER even if she tells them.
• Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage. Explodes when frustrated.
• Tends to humiliate his partner(s) in public or in front of friends/neighbors.
• People are to be manipulated for his needs.
• Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject, blames others/his partner, or gets angry and verbally abusive. It’s NEVER his fault. He’s ALWAYS right – and perfectly innocent if there are any issues. Tries to paint himself as an “innocent bystander” or "the victim" and blames others for the issue.
• Pathological lying – often by omission.
• Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
• No real values. Mostly situational. Abhors ANY request to change abusive or inconsiderate behavior in the relationship no matter WHAT he does to his partner in any situation. Will say he doesn’t want to follow any “rules” and will accuse his partner of trying to “control” him if she asks for even basic common consideration or respect.
• Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
• Angry, mercurial, moods, sudden outbursts, that he ‘forgets’ immediately, wants to ignore, or outright denies when confronted with them.
• Uses sex to control – either excessively demanding or withholding, or holds the prospect of sex with other partners over current partner’s head as a control mechanism, manufactures stories about other women who “want” him then accuses his current partner of being “insecure”. Sets her up for abuse in this fashion.
• Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
• Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
• Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentments. Continues to abuse partner over resentments indefinitely via hostile remarks, denigrating jokes. Continually either covertly or overtly angry and abusive.
• Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities, both online and off.
• Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason, particularly in his partner’s life and in his relationship with her both public and private – to keep her ‘off balance’. Then he denigrates HER as “unstable”. Sets her up for abuse in this fashion.
• Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
• Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations, but expects others to honor theirs if they owe him money.
• Does a lot of “nice things” that his partner didn’t ask him to do then complains that she isn’t appreciative enough afterwards. “The Controlling Caretaker“.
• Seldom expresses appreciation himself. Conversation always based on whether HE gets enough appreciation, the issue of whether his partner is appreciated enough is never discussed. To him, that is irrelevant. It’s all about HIM.
• Constantly criticizing most everything his partner does/says and how / why she does and says it. Partner feels like she’s “walking on eggshells” trying to avoid his constant criticism. She feels “under his microscope” all the time.
• Calls his partner names and insults her: “You’re a spoiled brat!”, “You’re lazy!”, "You're stupid/ a pig/ a whore/ a liar/ a stalker/ a scorned woman/ insane!"
  
• Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does. HE is NEVER wrong.
• Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.
• Only real emotion he is likely to display is anger. Rarely expresses sorrow or hurt except for “show”.
• He breaks a woman’s spirit. Sets her up for abuse. Defines her according to HIS very negative and preconceived notions about women, then abuses her based on HIS definitions of her. Tears her down as a person. Then complains that she is “depressed” or “angry” about that as if she has no right to be angry or upset that she is being ABUSED and mentally RAPED in this fashion.
• Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
• Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances. Puts her friends/interests and accomplishments down.
• Highly contradictory.
• Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.
• Hides his real self. Always “on”.
• Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.
• He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good. He will do so at all costs.This is paramount.
• He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks. He asserts / states his opinion as FACT, never says “I think”, or “I feel”.
• Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
• Controls money of others or complains about their spending but spends freely on himself.
• Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”.
• Always feels misunderstood.
• You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.
• Does not listen because he does not care.
• Only his feelings are discussed, not his partner’s because to him, partner’s feelings are irrelevant.
• Is not interested in problem-solving, only in placing blame/projecting.
• Very good at reading people, only so he can manipulate them.

Written with male in mind; could easily be applied to females as well

original post found here

How Psychopaths View Their World

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough. The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth.


A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what they have. He is like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths can even very fond of animals (contrary to the common viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.

The psychopath is filled with greed inside, relating to the world through power, even though, as I said, on the outside he can claim to be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden. I knew one who liked to repeat phrases such as "they have to stop keeping my brothers down" but he didn't mean a word of it. He was actually a racist. The psychopath can also often identify himself as a revolutionary.

On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and some like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but emptiness and greed. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his behaviour is something that is often debated. I do believe that psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made." [1]

As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better. This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is also trying to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution. They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio- economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated from high school." [Black, 14]). (Let me add, despite Dr. Blacks' studies, psychopaths can still exist in any social class. Do not be misled).

I also wanted to point out that I will be using "he" and "him" for the term psychopath throughout this website; let it not be forgotten, yes, female psychopaths exist as well; however, according to the Sixth Edition of Abnormal Behavior, printed in 2000 by three male professors, David, Derald, and Stanley Sue, the rates do differ by gender. Included in their excellent text is a report by the The American Psychiatric Association that the general estimate is 3% for men, and less than 1% in women [Personality Disorders and Impulse Control Disorders, 238].

What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience, feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus wrong." [Black, XIII].

Not all psychopath are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy; my friend's mother once went on a double-date with him and claimed he was the nicest person. His mother said he was the "best son any mother could have." Bundy was also apparently quite good-looking, which made him even more dangerous. So not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional occupations.

Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them appear strange or odd, and their behaviour can be eccentric or unusual. I believe this is what can confuse victims most often. Psychopaths often appear [see pictures here]: intense and "electrifying". Do not be misled if someone appears harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat. An "angelic" visage can also often fool people. Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his "clown costume" as he entertained children as one example.

A psychopath (he was diagnosed anti-social) I knew used the harmless cover-up quite well. Everyone thought he was very funny. I did too, at first. Then, little by little, I realised there was something "not right" about him. At first his seemingly harmless pranks were charming, but after a while, he became more of a nuisance and disrupted our work environment, which created havoc and tension between employees. I've learned, a psychopath can use these disguises for his own hidden purpose.

Regardless of race, social class, or occupation, however, the psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..." [Black, 5].

There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.) Since the majority or them are men, I wrote this site in part, to warn women about the dangers, especially women online, which I believe is a favourite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths. I have personal experience with this subject as well. This is because "antisocials (psychopaths) are not just characters in our fictional or true-life entertainments. They are family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers we may encounter every day." [Black, 10].

Pamela Jayne, M.A., writes that "30% of men are sociopathic." If about every three out of ten men I may meet are psychopathic, I would assume this is not something to take lightly. According to these statistics, that would mean every three out of ten men and maybe every one out of ten females. The truth is, we do not really know exactly how many individuals are psychopathic; however, there seems to be a rise in the prevalence of psychopathy and that is why some claim that numbers are higher. Dr. Black claims that psychopathy leads right behind depression, along with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, which is an astounding fact.

Busted by Facebook

By ALASTAIR TAYLOR

A mother wanted for a string of robberies was caught living it up on the French Riviera after cops traced her through her Facebook page.

Getaway driver Lizzie Tams, 37, fled the UK after being given bail.

She joined the website to keep in touch with pals and boast of her luxury life.

Cops monitored her messages, tipping off French police when she arranged to meet her teenage kids at Nice airport.

She was arrested and hauled back to Britain where she was jailed for 3½ years at Newcastle Crown Court.

Tams, formerly of Brunswick, Newcastle, spent 16 months on the run. She admitted robbery, handling stolen goods and absconding from justice.

original article here

About Sandra Brown, MA

(May 2011) We no longer support Sandra Brown or her services & products. She was helping and working with this site for many years and now denies it. 

Here's our post about the subject: CLICK HERE

Sandra Brown is defrauding & revictimizing victims: CLICK HERE

We deeply apologize to anyone we ever recommended her services or books to.

EOPC~~~~~~~~~
(an open letter to the blog/ web platforms that carry sites like EOPC and personal blogs exposing psychopaths)We hope that you understand the nature of Public Psychopathy Education and the protection it offers to victims, especially women.

The more severe a pathological mental condition is, the more likely it is to NOT be recognized by others.

This is the gap in education that exists about psychopathy.

Additionally, the information that is lacking is how these people, hunt, lure, prey, and then react once caught. There are now a small group of organizations that are involved in Public Psychopathy Education which is a public service. These organizations have use the amazing power and breadth of the internet to provide public service safety. Most victims find out services online as well.

Cyberpaths is just one example of an organizations involved in protection and education.

People die every year at the hands of psychopathic predators who 'shop' for their victims on line. Many of us are in the profession of prevention -- before we must read about these people in the news -- Laci, Stacey and Nicole.

Please honor the organizations like EOPC that are involved in Public Psychopathy Education and recognize them for the safety they provide for people online. Allow them to give out the life-saving information that will help save all of us.

Sincerely, Sandra L. Brown, M.A.
The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education

Author of How to Spot a Dangerous Man & Women Who Love Psychopaths
Website