Stop Trolling!! Married Means M-A-R-R-I-E-D

(This gem was posted on Craigslist.com and was so good, we are reposting here for all the victims and spouses (even those in denial) of online cheaters &  cyberpaths - EOPC)

Married means married, Moron

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are.

If you spent half as much time paying attention to your wife as you do trolling CraigsList (or other sites) for sex, your marriage would be a whole lot better.
2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage.

First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every single time and then -- they expect you to scream like a porn star.

Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say.

Think about it - way back when, when you were getting your brains ****ed out on a regular basis - what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Spare us. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason.

At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some vulnerable woman who falls for your carefully constructed lies, so cut it out with that crap. (BTW - did you even BOTHER to tell her you're MARRIED with KIDS?)

There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your **** ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would get offline put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world - your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of crap.
4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you.

What are you, 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too? But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke.

Marriage is hard work. Heck, life is hard work. Grow up and take some responsibility for yourself. You supposedly have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger."

Sure you are. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your ***hole together because you just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can squawk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can whine about how "she's not attractive anymore." Until then, shut the **** up.

You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you "claim" to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and a distended belly and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and a distended belly and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. (or the first vulnerable woman who's being ignored by her man or is vulnerable enough in some way that her b.s. radar is damaged while you put the NLP whamma-jamma on her and say "I love you" just get her to spread her legs for you.) Ugh.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU.

If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think screwing some sl*t you barely know is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery or an online affair working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help.

Affairs are disasters - not some of the time; not most of the time; ALL OF THE TIME. Your guilt and trying to cover your tracks will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here‘s what you can expect in the wake of your little ****-fest:

Divorce - this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be screwing around with a co-worker, your kids - EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure - this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids‘ friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife and/ or ex-girlfriend(s) will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard.

Oh, and DON'T try to paint yourself as the 'victim' of jealous or obsessed or scorned women. We all know that's a lie, too.

You lied to your wife and your probably lying to all your girlfriends as well as lying about one to the other. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids - this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it.

And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/ ****buddy; they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up or disrupted their family. Even if you stick around - they will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

And when your new "soulmate" figures out your real agenda, bend over and kiss it goodbye. If all she does is "expose you" after she finds out you ripped her heart out at the root - you should thank her not smear her. It's nothing less than what you asked for.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic nonsense about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself and everyone around you that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now; you're going to need a lot of them.

Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. You should have married that OTHER girl (who probably dumped your sorry ***)

Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you.

Above all, take ZERO responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless loser in the first place.

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club!

The Modus Operandi of the Emotional Blackmailer

He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you.

He'll be there more and more frequently -gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them. All of this is meaningless talk.

He uses the same lines on every woman.

He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - You have become nothing but his prop. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the bastard
The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he has the new person in his "thrall" and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - his purpose is to have many women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer
Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, emotional support, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.

He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted, found out, exposed or denied what he wants. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.

How to extricate yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer
One way out is to cut off all contact. Even email mayl put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.

Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped. If you catch him? He will accuse YOU of stalking HIM!

Turning the Tables
Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

* Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.
* Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration.

* Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life.

*****************************

A Final Note:
Healthy, non-manipulative men:

* Don't beg (or lie)* Don't tell you that you're "the best" or "the only one"

* Don't use the lines "if you really love me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me" or "I need help to get through this time so could you send me some photos, etc"...

* Don't put down their former girlfriends or wives, even mildly; and don't accuse women of being "scorned"

* Respect your right to have other online friends

* Share all their information with you: address, phone numbers, job, etc.

They don't mind if you double check on them for your own safety!


(this article was written in the male gender, your cyberpath may be female - EOPC)



original article found here

June 2008 Predator of the Month: STEVE MILLER

Cyberpaths come from all walks of life. Seemingly the most inocuous and upstanding persons have secret lives where they feel powerful & invincible behind a keyboard and a screen name. A place where they brainwash, manipulate, emotionally rape and mentally pillage their targets. And walk away after having their "fun" or playing the "hurt party" when a target figures them out.

This month's Predator is a guru-wanna be, a con man and a brainwashing manipulator who hides behind THE SECRET (links at bottom). The Secret is a well-known book that preaches your intentions create your future (aka - "the power of positive thinking").

EOPC's opinion is that its a complete scam. Things like this, including some New Age movements - may be quite valid; but in the hands of certain people are perfect hunting grounds for predators. The victim barely knows what hit them when they get the inkling something's wrong. Partly because everyone's 'reading the same book.' - Fighter
One of Miller's targets tells their story (as always our comments are in purple):

In late July or early August 2007 I visited youtube and posted some comments on a video about “The Secret” a well known made video clip on information how to make manifest anything one desires in life from the book by Rhonda Byrne. I had received the DVD in the mail and wanted to follow it up further after watching it several times. I received a response to my comments on YouTube. That was when I first met Steve.

Click here for Steve's You Tube Profile

Steve was keen to know more about what I knew concerning The Secret and that he needed my honest opinion, more than the actual DVD had to offer, and it all started from there. (a typical 'set-up')
Fairly soon after we moved to MSN Messenger for further discussions on the subject. He said he had "manifested me" -- which was strange because I had no notion of looking for anyone other than someone to share & discuss knowledge with. (sounds sickly familiar to the "this was fate" or "I was meant to find you online" crap all Cyberpaths give out) I was seeking further information on "The Law of Attraction." I already had my own theories on it but I wanted to see what the experts had to say.

Steve seemed rather reserved, well spoken, courteous and did not seem put himself up on a pedestral. Sharing knowledge with him was amazing. H expressed himself well, he allowed me to talk without interrupting, he answered me & listened to me and laughed with me. His expressions, intelligence and charisma were instantly firmly planted in my mind. (sounds like how it always starts with all predators)

He did not present himself as being wise or infallible, if anything he painted very grim pictures of his surroundings, his upbringing and how he was made to live in an attic. How his mother tried to poison him by giving him food that he was allergic to and how his father constantly physically and verbally abused him. (here we go readers. This seem familiar? "the sympathy pitch" - the "abused child" ploy) I admired his courage & intelligence but there were periods when he seemed to sound very childlike or in totally incoherent. This puzzled me.

It was Steve's seemingly astounding knowledge and understanding of life itself that was quite impressive for a 29 year old. This had me in awe of him & how he seemed to 'read my mind' his fluency. This was the deciding factor that won me over to stay in conversation with him. (It's called NLP - neurolinguistic programming - its how all Cyberpaths lure, seduce, keep and manipulate their targets. Either by learning it or intuitively - these predators spin a web of "this is most amazing person I have met" or "wow! he really KNOWS me and KNOWS my thoughts" - it's all a put on.)

I remember questioning as to why he wasn't in a relationship? And why was he always on the Internet wanting to speak to me? An old woman at that for heavens sake! Surely I thought, he must have had something on his mind. Sometimes I thought he became a little anxious when I could not be online. (abuser possessiveness) Then to eliminate that insecurity from him (he wasn't insecure - he was manipulating you) I made it a point to be there for him as much as I could.

I was in the middle of school at the time and this relationship resulted in my not concluding the course; after paying $500.00 for it! (classic - many of our victims report losing friends, losing jobs, losing relationships, losing class time - because of their going out of their way to meet the NEEDS of the Cyberpath). Crazy as it seemed, I felt at the time that Steve was more important than some stupid boring subject. I see now how I wasted way too much time on HIS crap instead of focusing on my own!

The first thing that threw me about him was the fact that he claimed he liked older women. Around 40. When I told him I was much older than that he did not seem to be worried about it or shy away from me. (of course not, he figured he had one on his hook. Women around 35-55 are the perfect targets for many of these Cyberpaths. They are usually at a crossroads in their lives. Vulnerable - intellectually and/or emotionally. And perfect prey.) I thought he did not want to hurt my feelings or that he was being kind by not giving me the brush right away. I kept waiting for him to disappear but it never happened.
He continued to 'seem' to be very keen to talk to me. (He probably had to be online most of the day to keep an eye on ALL HIS TARGETS, including her) In turn that made me feel bad because I had all these "doubts" about him and shad tarted to not really want to have anything to do with him. To me, it seemed peculiar for a young man to be interested in chatting with a much older woman. When I questioned him about it he stated that he could not be with a younger woman because they wanted babies and because of his genetic disease and defects it was not possible for him to have children. (oh boy - more "sympathy & pity party" stuff. Another Martyr Man. Like Beckstead, always sick - needy - etc.)

The first thing that entered my mind was that women 40-plus would have accumulated some savings by then and maybe divorced and at a vulnerable age according to statistics; as opposed to younger women hunting for an eligible young man. (you got that right on!) I thought that he was up to something suspicious with a motive or hidden agenda, but still I could not put my finger on it.

He had got so deep in my head in a very short space of time that I could not get out (each and every one of our victims has reported THIS SAME EXACT THING!) Despite knowing that he was up to no good.

It used to infuriate him when I doubted him (RED FLAG - its does for ALL OF THEM. Once you question them about reality - they either get very angry, change the subject, stop talking to you for a period of time, claim you HURT them or give you a completely fabricated & obtuse response) I thought, why would he be so concerned about what I thought of him?

I realized the whole thing did not add up from the start. The contradictions started to be much more apparent and gave me all the more reasons for doubting him. However there was nothing substantial or said to prove anything at that point in time; other than my gut feelings.

(more on Steve Miller as this month progresses)

HOW TO 'CHECK THEM OUT'

WHY CON MEN SCAM

SPOTTING THEM

$150 MILLION BATTLE TO KEEP "THE SECRET"

ABOUT "THE SECRET"

THE TRUTH ABOUT "THE SECRET"

RHONDA BYRNE & "THE SECRET"