The Red Flags Of An Online Relationship

Know what to look for...
by Jennifer Good

In a medium where faith in a potential partner is being put at an all-time high, it is important to know if you're stepping blindly. If you're considering an online relationship, or are currently in one, there are a few things you should be prepared to look out for. While each situation is unique, and it is important to go by your instinct, the following list should help you spot any red flags you might encounter.

RED FLAG #1: Won't show you current or full body photos.
While looks may not be important to you, your partner's ability to tell the truth should be. If you doubt the sincerity of any photo your interest has sent you, send a disposable camera with a self-addressed, postage ready envelope with instructions to take pictures and send the camera back to you. This way you can develop the film yourself.

Also see if it's a RECENT photo and if they have cropped someone out (spouse, child, romantic partner)

RED FLAG #2: They do not have any solid contact numbers.
You've progressed to telephone contact, but the problem is you can't ever contact them! If any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of.

You have to page them for them to call you back. Or they will only give you a cell phone or work number.

They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.

You can only call during certain periods of time. Again, if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone.

They will only call, therefore not allowing you to call them.

RED FLAG #3: Reality VS. Fantasy

There are many different viewpoints towards a relationship founded through the Internet. To save future hurt and embarrassment, make sure you know your potential partner's philosophies. Do they view an Internet relationship as a real relationship, or is it a way to live out a fantasy life? If it's the later, be careful to avoid being their latest cyber fling.

RED FLAG #4: Asks for money.

Avoid getting into financial trouble by following a simple rule; don't send money. EVER.

RED FLAG #5: You're the only one making an effort or altering your lifestyle to have this relationship.

This is a telltale sign of things to come if you develop an off-line romance. No relationship should be solely one person giving and the other taking. If you find this happening to you, talk about it to your partner and ask them to meet you half way in your efforts.

RED FLAG #6: Your potential partner is overly insecure about your off-line or online activities.

Just as in any relationship, a person who is overly insecure about something can end up being an emotionally draining experience.

Or they are ALWAYS asking that make sure the chats and photos are deleted. Don't delete anything!

Take a step back, and really look at whether this is something you're willing to put up with if the relationship happened to last two to three years. If not, move on and find someone more independent.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Our Exposed Cyberpath: Doug Beckstead - Appears in the U.S.on TRAVEL CHANNEL

Our exposed cyberpath (and attention whore) Doug Beckstead appears on the Travel Channel show HIDDEN CITY in the Anchorage, Alaska episode.

Marcus and researcher Doug Beckstead visit the final resting place of Anchorage’s first police chief John J. Sturgus at this historic cemetery.

535 East 9th Ave, Anchorage, AK 99501

http://www.travelchannel.com/schedule#&series=TSCTY

Check your local listings for the TRAVEL CHANNEL

For our expose on Beckstead CLICK HERE

More on Beckstead CLICK HERE

HOW THEY GET SO GOOD AT MANIPULATION

In light of the fact that EOPC considers most cyberpaths narcissistic and/or sociopathic regarding their exploitation of others via the internet, the following may be helpful to victims and those wishing to avoid being victims - EOPC:
It's a known fact that narcissists and psychopaths have amazing powers to sucker and manipulate people. Your typical street con artist is a good example. Authorities warn us not to laugh at the victim and think that we ourselves would never be stupid enough to fall for a con artist's scheme. Indeed, people en masse often fall for one to elect that guy President for Life. Psychopaths routinely sucker even their therapists. Even while still teenagers, they are expert enough at manipulation to do so.

When you are outside the con job's sphere of influence, you see clearly. You wonder what the heck the conned person is thinking. To you it couldn't be more obvious that this is a con job - the warning sirens are blaring. But the mark is oblivious. You wonder what "got into" him or her. (I love that phrase.) They seem under a spell. You see them doing things like automatons, remotely controlled by the manipulator. All he need do is drop hints to control through the mere power of suggestion and - BOOM - the conned person is thinking or doing exactly what the manipulator wants. The victim might as well be a hand or foot of his.

This is truly spooky. How does it happen?

I studied etymology, and what I learned from the archaic root meanings of words convinced me that the mythology of darkness and magic gradually evolved from a lexicon of language struggling to deal with this seemingly magical power some people have.

But it isn't magic.

The problem is that we have no idea how good at manipulation some people are. They are so good at it, that when we find out how good they are, it blows our mind. How do they get so good at it?

Are these narcissists just brilliant, with astronomical IQs? Well, the more intelligent they are, the more dangerous they are, of course. But, no, they aren't all intelligent. They don't have to be.

It's just a simple matter of "practice makes perfect."

You too would be that good a manipulator if you practiced manipulating people 24-7-365 for a lifetime.

When we interact with others, we are usually trying to communicate. Only rarely are we trying to make an impression instead. Narcissists and psychopaths are always trying to make an impression. They are never trying to communicate. In fact, they block attempts to communicate.

Remember when you were a teenager and met that cool guy or gal? In that situation, we are so busy trying to make a good impression that we do embarrassing things. We are so busy trying to SOUND clever that we say the stupidest things. Our mouths get ahead of our brains.

While we are putting on this star-studded performance, we aren't listening to him or her. We are interested only in the KIND of thing they say and the tone of voice they say it in. Their gestures and body language - we don't miss a beat. We aren't interested in their face, only the expression on it. Why? Because we are studying their continuing reaction to our actions: Ah! a smile! Oh-oh, a frown! OK - there - I got the smile back again. Oh good, s/he stepped closer to me.

See what I'm getting at? When we are operating in this mode, everything we say and do is for effect. We observe the effects and tune our behavior to win the kind of reaction we want. In other words, we are PLAYING that person for the reaction we want. We are trying to manipulate him or her. We are manipulating that smile from him or her. If one thing we say or do doesn't win it, we just try something else and keep trying things till we hit upon what impresses that person as something to smile at. Hence, if we blow it and get a frown instead, in our haste to transform it to a smile we can contradict ourselves in two seconds flat.

We are not being ourselves when we do this. We are quite literally being someone else. We are putting on an act. Our true character doesn't come through, because we are acting out the part of an idealized version of ourselves, an impressive idealized version of ourselves, a purely fictitious character. All because our aim isn't to communicate - it's simply to make an impression.

We can laugh about this rite of passage into sexual adulthood now. It's so awkward. We prefer the company of people we can be ourselves with. But even in adulthood people occasionally go into this mode. In a job interview, for example. Or when meeting a famous or important person.

We never get good at manipulating people though, because we seldom get into this mode where we try to.

Now imagine if you were in this mode all the time with everyone your whole life. That's a lot of practice. Through sheer trial and error, you will become an expert at what produces a smile in another person, or a frown or a look of fear or dejection or shame or anger or whatever you want. You will become an expert at what makes them get mad at some third party you are talking about. You will become an expert at what pushes people's buttons to do a whole list of things you want in various situations. You will be an expert at controlling people this way.

straight from the blog of one of our Exposed Cyberpaths!:

"I have 30 years in marketing...

"I already twist facts for a living."

That's what narcissists are, psychopaths are - experts, because they are in this mode all the time with everyone their whole life. Is it even possible for them to cut it out? I doubt it. They don't even know what normal human interaction is. They are always just trying to make an impression. They are never trying to communicate. They block communication. They don't want you to know them. The real them, that is. It's their deepest, darkest secret.

Being in this mode explains why they contradict themselves so fast and furiously when you lock horns with them. Why they are a nervous blur and never hear what you say. Why they don't later recognize your face or remember your name. They aren't paying attention to any of that in a conversation. What you are saying and what they are saying gets tuned out because it doesn't matter to them. Neither does the matter you are discussing. They will say the sky is purple if they think it will draw the reaction from you that they want.

That's a lifetime of 24-7-365 practice at conning and manipulation. Practice makes perfect. So, never, never, never underestimate their powers of con artistry and manipulation. They can and will fool ANYONE.

original article here

Holiday Greetings from an Online Predator

(he must be in heaven... on TV and something to send all his proxies, targets and friends to prove what a "nice guy" he is... classic obfuscatory move by a predator!)
*************

The Ceaseless Internet Mask of Doug Beckstead

Doug Beckstead just can't get enough of his own voice or writing (very similar to fellow cyberpath Yidwithlid). Doug makes sure his self-aggrandizing writing, constant hunt for friends (digging back as far as college & high school to find them!) and blatant display of old high school acquaintances from 30 years ago are apparently online.

Cyberpaths FREQUENTLY do this after being exposed hoping that old friends who don't know about their predatory secret lives will unwittingly 'stick up for them' using multiple posts and to push exposes like EOPC down on any searches for their name(s). This also covertly harasses their victims and helps in the cyberpaths efforts to make those they used & abused look "crazy". EOPC knows better!

It's such obvious self-promoting P.R. - we are shocked anyone with any sense continues to believe it. (our comments in dark blue)

BECKSTEAD SHAMELESS USES NATURAL DISASTER FOR MORE ATTENTION!

Here's a few of Beckstead's latest Mental Droppings from around the net:

http://www.mylife.com/dog_driver
Facebook & Yahoo Chat Groups have not been enough for this predator, he continues to advertise for more "friends" on the above. Must keep up appearances!! Twitter is next folks!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/179
"I've attached the third in my series of "Memos from Mortaritaville" to let everyone know what's happening over there. All-in-all it was one hell of an adventure. I did things that I never could have imagined two years ago. And I got to see things that I had only seen on National Geographic programs before. I've seen houses made of mud bricks just like they've been made of four thousands of years and I've seen the palaces of Saddam Hussein and his perverted flaunting of the nation's wealth (and yes, I even took a leak in one of his golden toilets!)." - Beckstead

TOO MUCH INFORMATION Doug! As if we really all need to know where you're using the bathroom! Typical bad boundaries with a cyberpath.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/309
"It's great seeing everyone tossing ideas around about getting together following holidays. I sure wish I could make it back for one."- Beckstead

Translation of what this predator is saying: "It is much easier for me to con you from a distance than to have you so up close and seeing how hollow & exploitative I really am."

This proves he does not see these "friends" as frequently as he has so often alluded to and lied about. Nor do they see and truly KNOW what he does behind a keyboard with his pants down. Besides it is easier to lie and keep the fantasies and lures more believable from a distance for a predator like Doug Beckstead. He craves and fishes for the constant praise and attention. Classic Narcissist.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/322
"Merry Christmas!
Doug and Carol Beckstead"

Pretending to show a united front by signing for the often-betrayed wife as well. Just like Jacoby, Gash, Yid with Lid, Capers, Thomas and the rest of these married cyberpaths.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/418
"I too can attest to the impact made by letters received from both friends and strangers alike when deployed. Occasionally one of the people from our Chaplains Office would come through HQ and drop off a few letters or post cards from people back home. It was always a pleasure to read them. When they had return addresses I would pick up some post cards at the BX and write a short "thank you" back to them. Every one of the letters that I received while in Iraq came home with me."- Beckstead

Pumping up his true (somewhat low) importance with his new favorite word "deployed". Elmendorf Air Force Base has been told this man has a proven predatory history and yet the Chaplain's Office hands this predator future victims on a platter? And Beckstead is NOT an enlisted man. He is NON MILITARY. This is a real slap at the men & women who truly protect countries like the U.S.A. to have a pathological liar like Beckstead piggybacking on their service.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/433
"And yes, we wear body armor and everyone is armed here. The only place I go without my "best friend" is the shower and the gym. If you want to try something really fun, try eating dinner with an M-16 between your legs and the butt cradled against your arm (we can't lay them on the floor due to the tripping hazard). I think I'll be down to my old high school fighting weight by the time I leave here. Nothing like carrying around 65 pounds of body armor to take off the pounds."- Beckstead

Sympathy lures abound when reading this post in its full entirety (see link above). And the narcissistic bragging is all over the post!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/437
"I try and be friendly and professional around them. Although the other day we passed a couple who were definitely not friendly. Their "Spidey Sense" goes up a few notches in those cases."
"You never know what could be lurking underneath." - Beckstead

Spoken like a true predator. Takes one to know one.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/445
"RE: [SAHS77] Pics from Afghanistan"
"My most humble thanks Anne."
"To clarify the whole rank thing, I am actually a civilian with the Air Force. I am not a contractor. I work directly for the commanding general here on the base and back home when I get there."
"I live and work in sort of a gray area between the civilian and active-duty worlds. The vast majority of civilians who work for the Dept of Defense never deploy. With my job it is a requirement that I deploy because I am considered an "Emergency-Essential" employee. At Elmendorf AFB, where I work, there are four of us in that catagory, out of approximately 6,000 civilian employees." - Beckstead

Beckstead has attracted the attention he so desperately craves and works HARD for with his writing here, so he embellishes, overblows and twists the reality a little further for effect for those who are clueless to his true nature.

For those who have been following this predator's trail of lies and deceit, you will notice how he is no longer referring to himself as the "dedicated historian". Now he portrays himself as one of Elmendorf's elite - an "Emergency Essential" no less.

What happened to be "being sent to write about history as it happens?" (Beckstead's own words) Like all these pathologicals, things change on the spot - as needed - to get what they must have - victims!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/446
A Movement in the Shadows
"They knelt as one body keeping their arms straight down to their sides. Then, after a few seconds, the man who was apparently the leader bent at the waist, placed his outstretched hands on the ground, then placed his forehead on his hands. The group then followed his movements as a single body. Their movements were fluid, almost like watching water flowing in a stream."

When you click on this link (see above) you will notice a sudden change of his dramatizations & writing style - proving yet again he truly is, as all cyberpaths are, a chameleon for the cause - HIS OWN. He uses words and self-inflated reports to baffle brains. Beckstead knows how to pull out all of the stops to impress the ladies & men - who really don't know any better, as you will see when you read the replies to some of his posts.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/448
The Bagram Bazaar
19 September 2009
"A walk down the rows of stalls was almost like walking through an Indiana Jones movie. The first thing to impact you is the visual stimulation of a rainbow of colors. The vendors have hung fabric of red, yellow, blue and green to designate their shop space. They also extend out over the walkways providing a sort of billowing awning. The bright fall sun intensifies their brilliance and imparts a colorful hue to the scene."

Here Beckstead rolls out the descriptive imagery to reel everyone in on his magical mystery tour of Bagram. His attempts are very transparent to his victims (as they have all written to us), as over the top and truly pathetic. Not too many bites from his clueless followers this time around. Wonder if they are beginning to catch on to Mr Crucial "Emergency essential"? Self-promotion gets tired after a while but he and cyberpath Yid with Lid can't see to grasp that. No true pathological would.

"One man, who was selling all sorts of carved wooden items, including some beautiful intricately carved wooden boxes, said that they would make a wonderful gift for my wife. I asked him what made him so sure that I was married?"
"He replied, “You don't have wife?”
"I said, “Yes, I have two,” holding up two fingers."
"He held up two fingers with a look of puzzled amazement on his face and asked, “Two? You have two wives?” - Beckstead

Forever the facetious con-man Beckstead laps it up by playing more head games, this time with the wary locals. A big kick for Beckstead, but truly unnecessary. Not giving the locals a nice impression of the ethics of the U.S. military, are you Beckstead?

Like all our exposed predators, they can't help but go a step too far! Now Beckstead compares himself to Alexander the Great just because he is allegedly walking the same soil. (him and how many other 1000s of people over the ages? but Beckstead has to squeeze some polish for his image out of everything!) Truly pathetic. If only these people REALLY knew!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/453
"Hmmm, I could have sworn that there were pictures with the first message I sent out about the Bazaar. Oh well, I'll just forward them around again.

Life is definitely hopping over here. The bad guys keep letting us know they're serious about trying to throw us out. But little do they know ...

Our base sits in the Hindu Kush mountains. It's a rather historic area. Just the other day I was out walking and took a good long look at the rugged mountains that surround us. Then it dawned on me. I was looking at the same view that Alexander the Great saw when he came through here in 327 BC and Ghengis Khan saw when he came through the area. Damn, there's some major history here.

Does anyone remember the Swedish exchange student we had at SAHS in our senior year? Her name was xxxx. I took her out to Valley Forge to one of those crazy Rev War things I used to be involved with. She really put a damper on it the whole Bicentennial thing when she told me, "I don't understand what you Americans are so excited about only 200 years of history. The town I live in is 700 years old."

Well, now that I'm here in Afghanistan, walking in the same places that Alexander the Great walked when he conquered people who had already been living here for thousands of years, somehow American history just seems so, uhhh, young.

So xxxx, here are your pictures. See, I really did ride the camel!"

At least Beckstead seems to have a new girlfriend in the Middle East. ;)