PART I
Is there something wrong with your guy? Does he lie, cheat, steal, commit fraud, use people then discard them, have fits of rage, seem self-centered or have no conscience?
Do you feel like something is wrong with him, but you are not sure what it is? It sometimes seems like his brain just does not work right and he does outrageous things.
Beware! You might be dating a sociopath. What are the warning signs? What should you do?
Sociopaths are sneaky and will worm their way into your life, despite your misgivings from the beginning. Something about this man is not quite right. You can’t put your finger on it, and you hesitate, but you get sucked into him anyway. These men are charming and can put on an act that wins your sympathy and devotion.
- If you have issues of low self-esteem, they instinctively know how to approach you and suck you in.
- If you are lonely and needy you are a big target for the man with a sociopathic personality disorder.
He makes you feel special and important. He convinces you they he has been misunderstood all his life, and you are the only one who understands him now. You feel validated and needed by this man, and he sucks you in deeper and deeper over time.
Your first warning was your gut instinct, and that was the time to run away and leave this relationship behind. Unfortunately, you didn’t, and now you are stuck in the hell that is a relationship with a sociopath. We all need to pay attention to the red flags, warning signs, gut instincts. We can learn to recognize the sociopath and never get sucked into him again.
The words sociopathic, psychopathic, and antisocial personality all mean the same thing and are a true mental illness, a psychosis. The three terms are interchangeable and have only different areas of focus such as socialization or criminal behavior. We will use the word sociopath because it is the most recognizable. Psychopaths are often equated with serial murderers, and antisocial is equated with dysfunction. [But the majority of them are MUCH more subtle!] The sociopath is sometimes charming and usually looks and acts normal enough to fool us. All three terms carry the same meaning: a disorder of the personality.
The most important thing to know is that a sociopath has a brain that does not work right. In fact, he is missing a part of his brain. More specifically, he is missing one of the building blocks of his personality. This is important to understand because it explains the seriousness of this disorder and why it cannot be treated or fixed or cured.
The part of his brain that is missing shapes his conscience, and because it is missing, he does not have one. The sociopath does not feel guilt, remorse or shame like the rest of us feel when we do something bad or wrong. He is not capable of feeling guilt or shame because he is missing that piece of his personality. It also means he does not have the boundaries, restraints on his behavior or impulse control that the rest of us do so he will do things that are outrageous, things that normal personalities would never consider doing.
The bad news for you is that this personality disorder cannot be fixed. You cannot fix him, and he cannot fix himself. No therapy or drug can fix this personality disorder because a part of his brain is missing. With long-term therapy some of the symptoms might be lessened, or the sociopath might learn to live more productively in society, but it cannot be fixed. This is why the most important piece of advice for the person involved with a sociopath is to leave. Get him out of your life. Run, don’t walk, away from him and never, ever go back.
A good comparison, something to help you understand the medical implications of this disorder, is to compare it to a disease of the eye. Diseases and disorders of the eye can be treated, like glaucoma, astigmatism, nearsightedness, etc., with medicine, eyeglasses, or laser surgery. Color blindness, however, can NOT be treated, because the person is missing the color cones and rods in the eye. A doctor cannot fix what is not there to begin with. This is why the sociopath, with a part of his personality missing, cannot be fixed. No doctor or therapist can put back what wasn’t there to begin with, and the sociopath is missing an actual building block of his personality, deep within his brain.
This explains why you sometimes feel like his brain just doesn’t work right. He lies, uses you, manipulates, bleeds you dry, rages, begs forgiveness, and then does it all over again without any guilt, remorse or shame.
Are you the one who is crazy, you ask yourself? No. His brain really does not work right.
Understanding and accepting this fact will help you leave the sociopath and make your life right again with normal men and healthy relationships.
ORIGINAL
READ MORE:
Part 2
Part 3
While this article uses the male gender, your sociopath/ narcissist/ cyberpath may well be female.
2 comments:
Yep, that's the guy again. Substitute the terms for dating relationships with someone you just happen to know a bit better than you'd care to, and that's my sociopath. I won't name him for obvious reasons or even say where we're from. I'm not ready to publicly expose the monster and am not even sure if it's my place to do so. This is a small town. I fear retaliation for even thinking about this. Our paths crossed again early this week, by chance and unplanned. I stupidly agreed to give the guy a ride somewhere and ended up being tricked into doing something that I had no time, interest or business doing. He had volunteered my time to a group that I have no ties to, tricked me into transporting him there and then announced that I was expected and we were holding everybody up.
When I expressed my displeasure on having been deceived I was threatened: "Loyalty will be rewarded, but disloyalty will be punished" were the exact words. Nothing specific, nothing defined, no "I'm going to break your face if you say no again", just a vague statement that as little as a few months ago I would have taken as a sort of statement about pulling together for a common cause. This blog has taught me well.
He threatened me, and now that I recognize it for what it is, he's threatened me on a number of times over the years. He's never carried through on these threats because he's a coward, and because he has nobody in his life with which he has genuine human interaction with. With everybody else he plays the fraud of a happy go lucky eccentric. Apparently I and a few others don't get the snow job. We get the real McCoy with his racism, bigotry, homophobia, misogyny, chauvinism, consuming jealousy, pettiness, resentment, temper tantrums, lectures, unwelcome advice, bizarre mind games, programmed behavior, unbridled entitlement and complete lack of consideration or remorse ... Unless he gets CAUGHT doing something, and then he's remorseful about getting caught.
One other thing about that article which got me thinking about the guy is the concept of the victim wondering if they are the ones going mad. I've wondered it for years. How can someone be as wrong and worthless as I've been told I was? Not just told, having it slammed into my head by a sledgehammer every week six days a week for the three years we worked together. I'm not losing my marbles, I understand now that I almost surely have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from dealing with this maniac. It seems to get worse every day.
I also have a question for the admins that they might enjoy answering publicly -- Why has all this cyberpath/sociopath stuff only come out now? How come we've never really heard about personality disorders much? Narcissism is a term that I think most people would use to describe a vain, shallow idiot rather than somebody who's brain is either damaged or came missing parts. Why is it only now and not fifteen years ago that I'm learning what this guy's problem really is, and that the only way to cope with it is by severing all contact? And is the reason that society didn't prepare us on how to avoid sociopaths part of the current trends in identifying the trait?
I'd seriously never heard of any of this before finding this blog. It seems to answer a lot of riddles I've puzzled over in regards to some of the people I've known. This guy is just one of them and the most toxic by far. Thanks again and I'll keep reading!
Yep, thank you very much for posting such an amazingly accurate portrait of my ex. After giving him 10+ "last" chances I gave up and I ran fast and ordered him to never contact me again. It's been three months now :D
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