Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?

• Do you believe that someone (even online) has used your love and trust in order to steal your money?


• Did they claim they loved you, would marry you, take care of you, start a business with you - and all you had to do was provide the financing for everything?


• Did they disappear overnight or just walk out on you after you ran out of money?


• Did they refuse to pay back any of the money they received, claiming that you gave it to them willingly as a gift?


• Did you learn after they left that they were involved with another person at the same time they were promising you the world and taking your money?

Then you are the victim of a sweetheart scam - a growing epidemic of fraud that is fueled by the anonymity of the Internet and the laxity of law enforcement to prosecute when a "friend" steals from a friend.

CUFF (see link below) helps victims of sweetheart scams obtain justice by providing information that can be used to prosecute or sue the thief. We have worked with thousands of victims, some of whom have successfully convinced the police to issue criminal charges against the person who stole from them.

Some of the victims we have worked with have learned how to sue the thief pro se (representing themselves in court), have obtained civil judgments and have collected their money by levying the thief's bank account, garnisheeing paychecks or having the sheriff seize personal property.

Some of the victims have been able to gain the emotional strength to fight back through e-mail and phone support from CUFF victims who have volunteered to share their experiences and time with other victims.

Your journey to justice may be rocky and at times very discouraging, but there is justice if you persevere.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION

Forgiving the One Who Deserves Forgiveness

This article, from a blog about malignant narcissism is so important and must read for everyone.

Soooo many supposed trauma counselors tell cyberpathy victims to "forgive the cyberpath." How invalidating! That's just more abuse, frankly.

The other piece of stupid advice from clueless therapists is to treat the online relationship with a cyberpath like any real-life affair. They tell you to "immediately cut them off." Whoops!! Who does that help? NOT YOU!! Nope. Because you need some explanation, closure and at the very least - VALIDATION (since it is rare to ever get the first two).

This makes it far far too easy for the cyberpath to block you, smear you, avoid you, delete you from their contacts - just go on their merry way. Because you were just words on a screen.

"Forgive and forget" - NOT the cyberpath, but yourself. You can't be friends - but you deserve to be told the truth. (be CAREFUL you don't get reeled in again!!) You deserve the cyberpath to admit whatever the payoff was for them - no matter how sick.

And to admit what they did without blaming you or saying you were part of the problem. It was them. ALL THEM.

Truth time for predators!
(but don't hold your breath that you will EVER get it - however you do DESERVE it)


You did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. No matter what your counselors, friends, families, clergy, the predator themselves or society says?
You are not a stalker.
You were not stupid or naive.
It did not "Take Two to Tango."
You did not "know what you were getting into"
You did not you go in "with [your] eyes wide open." That's baloney.

Obsession with getting justice and validation for yourself isn't revenge - its self-preservation.

You didn't "ask for it" and you can't and shouldn't just "forget it and get over it. " You are not NOTHING - your feelings are not NOTHING.

EMOTIONAL RAPE IS A STATIC EVENT.

IT IS FROZEN IN YOUR PSYCHE.

This isn't the check-out at the grocery. This is your MIND, your HEART & your SOUL that's been raped!

That other stuff is bull that people tell themselves because the truth is too scary. Pathologicals seem like everyone else. Cyberpaths are not easy to spot. Anyone, we repeat - ANYONE is a potential victim.

Your mind was folded & spindled by a master.

Move on with your life, but never stop feeling that you deserve an explanation - even when it doesn't come. You can't forgive the unforgiveable. The ONLY one who needs forgiveness is you.

Not them. - Fighter
~~~~~~~~~~~
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have.

The same things can damage it that damage your other human relations. The deal-breaker is BETRAYAL.

Have you ever felt betrayed? If so, then you know that it is the blackest feeling a human being can have. It is devastating. It is what makes people want to just turn their face to the wall and die.

Because it shows you what you and your suffering mean (are worth) to your betrayer = nothing.

Betrayal severs any human relationship. It puts the betrayed through Hell.

Just think what this means in terms of your relationship with yourself. If you betray yourself to abuse, that betrayal severs your relationship with yourself.

How can this be? Easily. We are composite beings. We are a combination of true inner self and ego. The ego views us as others do. It's that little voice in the head that takes the viewpoint of bystanders and berates you IN THE SECOND PERSON, by saying such things as, "Why can't you hit a stupid backhand in? You are pathetic! Here you are, choking again in a big match!"

That's you (if you're a tennis player having a bad tennis day) talking to you. But why aren't you saying, "Why can't I hit a stupid backhand in? I am pathetic! Here I am, choking again in a big match!"

Answer: You address yourself as "you" instead of "I" to distance yourself from yourself. Because you don't like yourself at the moment and are disowning yourself, relating to yourself as though talking to a different person.

See what's happening to your relationship with yourself? You're not on your side, are you?

This happens to everyone, and it should serve as a strong warning of how easily our composite personality can breakdown, split.

Don't go there. Never, never, never betray yourself to bad treatment. You sin against yourself when you do, and the act WILL destroy your relationship with yourself.

Unfortunately, if you are the victim of a narcissist, it is safe to say that you have already done so.

THIS is what threatens the victim's mental health. You have allowed yourself to be abused. You see that for what it is - bending over for it, laying down for it. No matter how blessed people say that is, you know it's not. You know it is abject. You are profoundly ashamed of doing that.

You hate yourself for it, no matter how hard you work to repress awareness of that to live in denial of it. So, you have committed an offense against yourself (your human dignity). You can never be friends with yourself until you make peace with yourself.

Repair that relationship with yourself. The fruit of forgiveness is reconciliation (ask any theologian).

1. Admit that you have allowed the narcissist to abuse you.

2. Admit that it was wrong to do so, though be fair with yourself and consider the reasons why you were driven to do so.

3. Be sorry that you betrayed yourself to abuse.

4. Make whatever amends are possible and appropriate.

5. Most important - repent = promise to never betray yourself again.

You may recognize those as the 5 formal steps of repentance. They make you forgivable. They allow reconciliation to take place.
Indeed, how can you be reconciled with any offender who doesn't at least stop offending and give you some assurance that he won't keep right on doing it? It is absurd to to think that you can.

And just because it's 3AM and he is sound asleep, unable to offend at the moment, doesn't mean that a state of war doesn't presently exist bewteen you. What he did yesterday counts. What he has always done and never promised to stop doing COUNTS.

"Forgive and forget" is a line penned in Hell, not Heaven.

It is absurd to think you can have any but a hostile relationship with someone offending you in any way, especially when they have refused to stop it.

Hey, if the offender stops doing it, you can be friends again. But ONLY if he stops doing it. You don't have to be friendly to people attacking you or stealing from you in any way. It's called the human right to self-preservation, self-defense. It's a Law of Nature. The very idea that you should like and be nice to someone doing things hostile to you is bizarre and absurd.

To the contrary: You build walls between yourself and people like that.

You answer their attacks to make their attacks cost them dearly, so as to deter future aggression that you might live in peace instead of under constant attack by them. This is just common sense.

And it holds just as true in your relationship with yourself as in your relationship with others. Simply say, "I betrayed myself to abuse in the past, but I will never do so again, so I am no longer a doormat to be ashamed of."

Be on your side.

Take those 5 steps to repair your relationship with yourself - especially the last one in which you establish a firm purpose of amendment to never betray yourself to abuse again.

Now you are forgivable. So, forgive yourself. Embrace yourself.

YOU are the one who deserves and needs your forgiveness.

And chances are that you are the only one who deserves and wants it.

ORIGINAL: Forgiving the One Who Deserves Forgiveness

New Facebook Friends? Might be the Feds!

by R. Lardner

The Feds are on Facebook. And MySpace, LinkedIn and Twitter, too.

U.S. law enforcement agents are following the rest of the Internet world into popular social-networking services, going undercover with false online profiles to communicate with suspects and gather private information, according to an internal Justice Department document that offers a tantalizing glimpse of issues related to privacy and crime-fighting.

Think you know who’s behind that “friend” request? Think again. Your new “friend” just might be the FBI.

The document, obtained in a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit, makes clear that U.S. agents are already logging on surreptitiously to exchange messages with suspects, identify a target’s friends or relatives and browse private information such as postings, personal photographs and video clips.

Among other purposes: Investigators can check suspects’ alibis by comparing stories told to police with tweets sent at the same time about their whereabouts. Online photos from a suspicious spending spree — people posing with jewelry, guns or fancy cars — can link suspects or their friends to robberies or burglaries.

The Electronic Frontier Foundation, a San Francisco-based civil liberties group, obtained the Justice Department document when it sued the agency and five others in federal court. The 33-page document underscores the importance of social networking sites to U.S. authorities. The foundation said it would publish the document on its Web site on Tuesday.

With agents going undercover, state and local police coordinate their online activities with the Secret Service, FBI and other federal agencies in a strategy known as “deconfliction” to keep out of each other’s way.

“You could really mess up someone’s investigation because you’re investigating the same person and maybe doing things that are counterproductive to what another agency is doing,” said Detective Frank Dannahey of the Rocky Hill, Conn., Police Department, a veteran of dozens of undercover cases.

A decade ago, agents kept watch over AOL and MSN chat rooms to nab sexual predators. But those text-only chat services are old-school compared with today’s social media, which contain mountains of personal data, photographs, videos and audio clips — a potential treasure trove of evidence for cases of violent crime, financial fraud and much more.

The Justice Department document, part of a presentation given in August by top cybercrime officials, describes the value of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn and other services to government investigators. It does not describe in detail the boundaries for using them.

“It doesn’t really discuss any mechanisms for accountability or ensuring that government agents use those tools responsibly,” said Marcia Hoffman, a senior attorney with the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

The group sued in Washington to force the government to disclose its policies for using social networking sites in investigations, data collection and surveillance.

The foundation also obtained an Internal Revenue Service document that instructs employees on how to use to use Internet tools — including social networking sites — to investigate taxpayers. The document states that IRS employees are barred from using deception or creating fake accounts to get information, a directive the group says is commendable.

Covert investigations on social-networking services are legal and governed by internal rules, according to Justice Department officials. But they would not say what those rules are.

The Justice Department document raises a legal question about a social-media bullying case in which U.S. prosecutors charged a Missouri woman with computer fraud for creating a fake MySpace account — effectively the same activity that undercover agents are doing, although for different purposes.

The woman, Lori Drew, helped create an account for a fictitious teen boy on MySpace and sent flirtatious messages to a 13-year-old neighborhood girl in his name. The girl hanged herself in October 2006, in a St. Louis suburb, after she received a message saying the world would be better without her.

A jury in California, where MySpace has its servers, convicted Drew of three misdemeanor counts of accessing computers without authorization because she was accused of violating MySpace’s rules against creating fake accounts. But last year a judge overturned the verdicts, citing the vagueness of the law.

“If agents violate terms of service, is that ’otherwise illegal activity’?” the document asks. It doesn’t provide an answer.

Facebook’s rules, for example, specify that users “will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.” Twitter’s rules prohibit its users from sending deceptive or false information. MySpace requires that information for accounts be “truthful and accurate.”

A former U.S. cybersecurity prosecutor, Marc Zwillinger, said investigators should be able to go undercover in the online world the same way they do in the real world, even if such conduct is barred by a company’s rules. But there have to be limits, he said.

In the face-to-face world, agents can’t impersonate a suspect’s spouse, child, parent or best friend. But online, behind the guise of a social-networking account, they can.

“This new situation presents a need for careful oversight so that law enforcement does not use social networking to intrude on some of our most personal relationships,” said Zwillinger, whose firm does legal work for Yahoo and MySpace.

Undercover operations aren’t necessary if the suspect is reckless. Federal authorities nabbed a man wanted on bank fraud charges after he started posting Facebook updates about the fun he was having in Mexico.

Maxi Sopo, a native of Cameroon living in the Seattle area, apparently slipped across the border into Mexico in a rented car last year after learning that federal agents were investigating the alleged scheme. The agents initially could find no trace of him on social media sites, and they were unable to pin down his exact location in Mexico. But they kept checking and eventually found Sopo on Facebook.

While Sopo’s online profile was private, his list of friends was not. Assistant U.S. Attorney Michael Scoville began going through the list and was able to learn where Sopo was living. Mexican authorities arrested Sopo in September. He is awaiting extradition to the U.S.

The Justice document describes how Facebook, MySpace and Twitter have interacted with federal investigators: Facebook is “often cooperative with emergency requests,” the government said. MySpace preserves information about its users indefinitely and even stores data from deleted accounts for one year. But Twitter’s lawyers tell prosecutors they need a warrant or subpoena before the company turns over customer information, the document says.

“Will not preserve data without legal process,” the document says under the heading, “Getting Info From Twitter ... the bad news.”

Twitter did not respond to a request for comment for this story.

The chief security officer for MySpace, Hemanshu Nigam, said MySpace doesn’t want to be the company that stands in the way of an investigation. “That said, we also want to make sure that our users’ privacy is protected and any data that’s disclosed is done under proper legal process,” Nigam said.

MySpace requires a search warrant for private messages less than six months old, according to the company.

Facebook spokesman Andrew Noyes said the company has put together a handbook to help law enforcement officials understand “the proper ways to request information from Facebook to aid investigations.”

The Justice document includes sections about its own lawyers. For government attorneys taking cases to trial, social networks are a “valuable source of info on defense witnesses,” they said. “Knowledge is power. ... Research all witnesses on social networking sites.”

But the government warned prosecutors to advise their own witnesses not to discuss cases on social media sites and to “think carefully about what they post.”

It also cautioned federal law enforcement officials to think prudently before adding judges or defense counsel as “friends” on these services.

“Social networking and the courtroom can be a dangerous combination,” the government said.

original article here

Internet Harrasser Identified in Federal Lawsuit

Two female students at Yale Law School who say anonymous, defamatory comments were made about them on the Internet identified one of the defendants yesterday in their federal lawsuit.


The women filed new documents in US District Court naming Mathew C. Ryan of Austin, Texas. Through subpoenas to Internet service providers, the women have learned the identities of several other defendants but are trying to resolve their claims against those people before deciding whether to name them, according to court papers.

The move threatens to expose law students and

renews debate about whether anonymous Internet scribes should be identified - and held legally responsible - for malicious postings.

The case is not unprecedented, but it is a reminder that anonymous postings on the freewheeling Internet can be traced, legal analysts say.

"A lot of people don't really think about that," said Daniel Solove, a professor at George Washington University Law School. "I do think it's going to have an effect on what people say. It's one of the most prominent cases of its type."

The women's lawsuit, filed last year, charges that they were defamed by repeated postings they considered sexually harassing and threatening.

The postings were made to AutoAdmit, an Internet discussion board about colleges and law schools that draws 800,000 to 1 million visitors per month, according to court papers.

The women say Ryan made sexually charged slurs about them on the Web, including a false claim that one of the them had a sexually transmitted disease. The lawsuit also says Ryan encouraged further attacks on the other woman and used anti-Semitic language.

A telephone message and e-mail seeking comment were left for Ryan yesterday.

Ryan attended the University of Texas, according to Mark Lemley, attorney for the Yale students. Most of the other defendants are law students, he said.

Posts by other defendants included remarks about one plaintiff's breasts and a claim that women with the same first names "should be raped." Some postings discussed the women's family backgrounds and supposed sexual exploits while invoking racially and sexually charged slurs.

Some people who posted the Web items threatened to rape one of the women and attempted to start rumors that one of the women had died or committed suicide, according to the lawsuit.

The anonymous posters also started a website devoted to "rating" female law students from around the country. Some participants in the contest sent photos of one of the women without her permission, according to the lawsuit.

The judge overseeing the women's lawsuit has agreed to let them proceed under pseudonyms because of their fears of further harassment. No trial date has been set.

The lawsuit sparked a countersuit from a University of Pennsylvania law graduate who lost a lucrative job offer after he was linked to websites that crudely discussed the female law students.

Anthony Ciolli's libel lawsuit charges that the Yale students sued him although they knew he did not control the message boards at either AutoAdmit.com, where he was an editor, or at a now-defunct site that ranked the looks of top women law students.

The women dropped Ciolli as a defendant in November.

In sworn affidavits, the women say the stress caused their work to suffer at school and on the job and one took a leave of absence from school.

Their classmates and job supervisors were aware of the salacious postings, they said.


The person accused of writing the rape comment fought a subpoena to have his Internet provider disclose his identity. In a motion filed under his online name, "John Doe 21," he argued that the rape remark did not specifically harm or threaten either woman since millions of women share their first names.

He calls the online postings "unsavory but legally innocuous" - and argues that his free-speech rights outweigh the women's right to seek redress.

"Few courts have considered this question, but it is becoming a crucial one, particularly in light of the increasing number of cases where those who have been criticized on the Internet seek to use the machinery of the courts to unmask, intimidate, and silence their online critics," he wrote earlier this year.
A judge, however, ruled in June that the women had shown enough evidence to support a libel case.

CLICK HERE FOR THE WHOLE ARTICLE

NOTE: Please be aware if you enter “Matthew C. Ryan” and “Austin, Texas” into Google, links to Matthew C. Ryan and his firm come up first. This is NOT the same Matthew C. Ryan mentioned in this article. They are two separate and different persons.

FORGIVENESS & MAKING AMENDS

Responsibility and Making Amends in Recovery
(In light of the habit (lie) of cyberpaths to swear that they have 'changed', are 'sorry' or 'didn't mean it that way' or are 'trying to start a new life' - EOPC want sto present a radical idea.

IFyou want to stay friends or in contact with the person you preyed on and make it right? You could avoid a lot of the exposure, anger and blaming ("they are obsessed with me,""that never happened","it's all a lie", etc - don't go there, we KNOW you're lying...)

Cyberpaths - if you really want to change, here's what to do - Fighter) :

Responsibility is the cornerstone of recovery. We may feel guilty about the ways we've acted and about those we've hurt. This is part of recovery; it is part of having a conscience. In recovery, we learn to change our perspective on ourselves. Our illness can't be cured, but it can be treated if we are willing to work on it. Members of a support group who have "been there" can help in the healing process as we walk through the minefield of our shame.

In recovery, we learn to monitor our actions, and when we act in negative ways we do not become shameful and defensive; instead, we admit our mistakes and make amend for them. Making amends does not just mean saying we're sorry. It means recognizing and thinking through our behavior:

Because of how I acted, there is an inequality in our relationship. Now I need to find out from you what is needed for the relationship to become equal again.

For a person who, during his addiction (predatory internet encounters), continually lied, making amends would not mean saying, "I'm sorry for blowing up at you." It would include admitting to his spouse what he has done, recounting a specific incident, and then saying, "I know this caused you great pain and frustration. What do you need from me to make up for this?" If her request is within his realistic limits, he would act to make restitution to her. By making amends, he owns precisely what he did and commits himself to a change in his behavior.

By claiming responsibility for our actions, we may win back some of the relationships we lost through our addiction. We are all human and we all act foolishly from time to time, but shame is a distortion of reality that makes it impossible for us to make amends. In recovery, we learn how to see ourselves realistically, as human beings.

from: The Addictive Personality, by Craig Nakken, MSW, CCDDP, LCSW, LMFT

RECOVERY & AMENDS TAKES TIME!! Not just a simple I'm sorry email.

You face the person IN PERSON if possible, and start an ongoing dialogue to heal both them and yourselves.

If you have had an 'online affair' you find a way to be accountable to your spouse while dealing with the other person rather than just abruptly breaking it off (all too convenient for the cyberpath and confusing & painful for their victim(s) In this EOPC disagrees with therapists who say to break it off or avoid the other person! Most therapists do NOT 'Get it' about relationships with pathologicals - online or off ) or finding an excuse to continue the affair.

While this goes against current thinking for cyber-relationships ("break it off immediately") it could be a gentler, more effective and radical approach to total accountability and healing in all parties.

We fully recognize in cases of fraud, divorce or assault - this may not be appropriate.

This excerpt used the male term(s), your cyberpath may well be female. - Fighter

CANDLELIGHT VIGIL FOR MEGAN MEIER

This is Megan's mom, Tina Meier, and I wanted to update everyone on the details for the candlelight vigil for Saturday, November 24, 2007.

*We are meeting at 6:00 p.m. at the Fort Zumwalt West Middle school parking lot.

*Please bring a candle, cup to hold the candle and something to light the candle. (If you cut a small X in the bottom of the cup, you can slide the candle through it and then you won't have wax dripping on you)

*We will then light the candle's shortly after 6:00 p.m. and start walking from the school down Waterford crystal drive towards Megan's house and end up in front of the Drew's house.

*There is a common ground area across the street and we will have pa system and microphone. if anyone would like to speak, read a poem, etc., they are more than welcome.

*This wonderful idea came from students who wanted to see justice for Megan and for that we are so happy. Nothing we can do will bring Megan back, but we can all learn from Megan and take a part of her with us everyday for the rest of our lives to try to be a better person and think about things we say to people before we say them!

*****Remember this is a peaceful candlelight vigil******

We hope to see everyone there!
EOPC encourages ANYONE who can go to this vigil and is in the area of the Meier's home to attend - on behalf of every vulnerable victim of a cyberpath/ online predator - and particularly for the memory of Megan Meier and the peace and healing of her spirit.

FOR MORE ON THE MEGAN MEIER CASE:
THE TOWN THAT TURNED ON A CYBERBULLY

PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER

MY SPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE

WEB HOAXES PUSHES GIRL TO SUICIDE

ARE THEY?

OF MEGAN MEIER

R.I.P. MEGAN MEIER

POLICE REPORT NAMES LORI DREW


BEYOND MEAN GIRLS

MORE ON MEGAN

WHEN YOU CREATE A PHONY MYSPACE ACCOUNT JUST TO SCREW WITH A 13 YEAR OLD...


THE LATEST SALVO AGAINST THE DREWS