Online Dating is Eroding Humanity

by John Walters

(U.K.) The internet is changing the way society communicates, processes information and knowledge, and configures its relationship towards authority. Some of these developments are exciting and challenging, but in one particular sense the internet poses a fundamental challenge to the way humans interact. The following criticism and concern regarding online dating is not at all intended as a criticism of good and heartening personal stories – I, too, know people who have met their significant other through online dating.

Today, internet dating has become more or less accepted as a way of forming relationships. There has been some criticism, but it has usually been of the functional and operational kind, regarding subscription costs or users providing false pictures or information. There has been little thought or comment on why matchmaking websites might be a bad thing per se.

Online matchmaking is premised on the notion of making rational choices. It is perhaps fitting that the language of economics and business has finally – in our late capitalist society – permeated the most irrational, the most human of all areas: the interpersonal. Internet dating is like shopping at LoveMart. We watch and read the adverts (people's profiles) and – based on what we are told is factually relevant data – we then, allegedly, make a rational decision to try the product. The more choices available (ie the more popular a matchmaking website), we are told, the better for those making the choice. Yet it is these intrusions by business speak into the very inner workings of society that should be of great concern.

This is further emphasised by the manner in which these processes are explained by proponents of online dating, as "opening up options" and "putting yourself out there". One site, Match.com, offers both efficiency ("Receive your compatible matches straight away") and informed choice ("Choose who you'd like to get in touch with"). The irrational and unpredictable nature of something very human – love and the interpersonal – is turned on its head and transformed into a rational product.

Furthermore, the way dating websites calculate matches distorts the very core of interpersonal relations. Online seekers of partners and friends rely on computer calculations of a set of hard questions. There is little room (if any) for subtlety, deviance, or exploration. The questions that many of these websites use are so mind-numbingly awful ("Are you happy with your life? A. Yes, B. No, C. Most of the time") that it cannot even be claimed to replicate real conversations. If I were asked most of the questions used to calculated compatibility on a normal date in a pub, say, I would run a mile. And that's the point: this is not an extension of humanity and human interaction; it is a fundamental shift. Interpersonal relationships are being transformed into products that can be (supposedly) objectively measured and objectively chosen, even though such relations represent the exact opposite.

In his book Éloge de l'amour (2009), Alain Badiou noted two slogans for two online dating websites. The first claims that one can have love without the unexpected ("Ayez l'amour sans le hasard!"). The second promises that one can be in love without falling in love ("On peut être amoureux sans tomber amoureux!"). Love – this great irrational driver of humanity – has become an object, which people wish to be fully informed about, choose rationally, and not suffer any unexpected disappointments from. It is, as philosopher Slavoj Zizek has noted, like caffeine-free coffee.

We want to enjoy these essence-free products, but without the irrationality of consuming bad things or accepting the spontaneous and unpredictable nature of emotions and feelings. Everything that makes culture and society real, impulsive, and often erratic is stripped away in favour of rational choice-making. We don't want to harm ourselves; we don't want suffering; we don't want hardship; we don't accept difficulty and disappointment. We simply want (and demand) the 100% consumer fulfillment of obtaining products based on rationality. This criticism can be extended of course to other forms of online communities, such as Facebook, where contact-less friendships are reduced to pokes, LOLs, and vacuous innuendos.

Some critics, such as Badiou, have suggested that online dating is taking society back to a pre-modern version of arranged marriages. I would say it is worse. Society has invited the language and practice of market rationality into its midst. It has taken over not merely communal aspects of society, but the very essence of what it means to be human.

original article found here

Romantic Deception

Divorcee Sues to Reclaim £6.4m Given to Internet Lover

By Amanda Perthen

(U.K.) A multi-millionaire divorcee has launched a High Court battle to reclaim £6.4 million from a lover she met through the internet.

Catherine Wood, 50, who amassed her fortune through property deals, met Shlomo Add via an online dating agency after she split from her husband, Jean Francois Cornet De Chansard.

But the romance turned sour after lawyer Mr Add persuaded Ms Wood to hand over millions of pounds during their four-year relationship, the High Court in London heard. The judge agreed to freeze Mr Add’s assets so that he could not dispose of them before the case came to trial. But Mr Add, 53, insists a large portion of the money was an ‘outright gift’ and is contesting the claims. The court heard that Mr Add came up with a number of plausible stories as to why he needed cash from her.

On one occasion he telephoned from Israel asking for £1.1 million in cash, saying he needed it for bail as he was in custody facing tax evasion charges. Ms Wood wired him the cash so he could be released. On another occasion, the court was told, Mr Add bought a Ferrari using assets belonging to Ms Wood.

Ms Wood, who made her money buying and selling properties through the family business, fought back tears as she said: ‘It’s been so painful, I can’t talk about it.’ The couple’s romance started in 2007 after Mr Add had split from his wife, Ruth, a former dancer. Despite Mr Add making regular trips to Israel, he and Ms Wood met regularly.

Mr Add lived in a £275,000 semi-detached house on an estate near East Grinstead, West Sussex. Ms Wood, who has two children – James, 17, and Natasha, 16, with Mr Cornet De Chansard – had a five-bedroom property worth £2.3 million in Golders Green, North London. But by the time the relationship had ended, Mr Add had bought a £550,000 house on a private road just a few miles from his previous home, which he still owns.

Last week, a blue Maserati saloon and a grey four-wheel-drive vehicle were parked on the driveway. Mr Add is currently staying at his £1.2 million waterfront apartment just outside Tel Aviv. A neighbour said: ‘The people who buy property here are not just any people. ‘They are wealthy bankers, Russian oligarchs, French millionaires and some of Israel’s best known figures in the underworld.’

Mr Add declined to comment on the court case, adding that his daughter Hila, who is in the Israeli Defence Force, was staying with him and he had no time to spare.

After granting permission for Mr Add’s assets to be frozen, Judge David Cook said at the High Court: ‘Her [Ms Wood’s] allegations, if correct, show a course of conduct over a number of years in which he [Mr Add] has been able to obtain assets of a wealthy woman under a series of pretexts and promises which he has not kept.’

The case continues.

original article here

'Maze of Online Dating'

EOPC is publishing this to point on the chronic lying implicit in online dating. We believe the author minimizes the danger inherent here.

EOPC NEVER recommends or approves of Online Dating to meet people. Under ANY circumstances. Join a volunteer organization but NEVER Online Dating.

His online profile -- dark hair, 5'6", athletic build -- caught her attention and the e-mail exchange went well, so Carla Riemersma agreed to meet the 58-year-old Wisconsin man in person.

But the nonathletic, 5-foot-2, 64-year-old, bald man who greeted her on the date didn't exactly match his cyber persona.

"I'm looking for this stud-muffin, and it didn't quite turn out that way," Riemersma said.

Frustrating dates such as this inspired Riemersma, a 65-year-old college professor from the Hudsonville area, to start taking notes.

The result is her book, "What are the Odds? The Likelihood of Finding Love and Romance in Cyberspace." In it, Riemersma, shares her personal adventure and documents the pitfalls of looking for love online. She takes an academic approach to the topic with statistical research.

Riemersma, who teaches at Baker College and the University of Phoenix, spent about $500 for 15 months of online dating services, including Match.com, Yahoo.com, Sexy Ads, American Singles, Senior Friend Finders and eHarmony. She met more then 200 men, sometimes fitting as many as three dates into a single day.

To research the book, she spent four years reviewing 4,000 active profiles randomly chosen from several well-known Internet dating sites and conducted interviews with nearly 300 Internet daters. About a third of those participants were women.

She often would arrive at a meeting with her date's profile in hand to compare reality to what was advertised online. When people lied, she made a note of it. She found 97.5 percent of the online daters she interviewed were dishonest about their profile, with women most likely to fib about age and weight while men often fudged their age and marital status.

White lies
Riemersma calls it "cyber-truth" when people post a false age, weight or marital status in an effort to get a date.

... Now, she strongly advises people to be honest from the beginning if they're serious about finding a person to love them as they are.

TIPS
Dating detective work

Online dating tips from Carla Riemersma, author of "What are the Odds? The Likelihood of Finding Love and Romance in Cyberspace":

• Do not lie or exaggerate when writing your profile.

• Use a current photo.

• Avoid confusion -- list your ground rules for the first date in your profile.

• Do not give out personal information via the Internet.

• Use a cell phone instead of home phone if you decide to call your date.

• Once you know your date's name, do a Google or Yahoo search. Read ALL the pages.

• Always meet in a public place for the first date.

• Never consume alcohol on your first few dates, and monitor alcohol consumption of the person you are dating.

• Always tell someone where you will be during the first date, and make sure your date knows you're going to call that person during the date to say you're OK.

• Make sure you have your own transportation to and from the date.

"Eventually, you have to meet, and how do you explain the extra 20 pounds if you listed yourself as slim or athletic?" she writes.

She said about 60 percent of the men who stated they were single, separated or divorced still were married. So, she quickly developed a radar for men with tan lines on their ring fingers and indentations where a wedding band usually goes.

"It was so obvious," she said.

One guy showed up to a date with a bandage wrapped around his ring finger. She asked if he'd had a mishap with a saber saw. It turned out the man's finger was fine, but he was married.

Throwing in the towel
Terri Timmer, 52, of Grand Rapids, tried cyberdating for a few months, but gave up in frustration about a month ago.

In contrast, Ken Cote, 47, of Lake Odessa, has had pretty good luck meeting women online. ... It helps that he is a private investigator. He says he does background checks on his dates -- and he checks on the people his friends are dating, too...

Falsehoods
While Riemersma was researching her book, there were an estimated 40 million people dating online in the United States and more than 1,200 online dating sites. Those numbers continue to grow.

Original article here

Married Woman Seduced by Internet Fake takes Hoaxer to Court

A married woman who spent $10,000 on a fake boyfriend she was allegedly duped into having an online relationship with has won a battle to take the case to court.

Paula Bonhomme was seduced with messages and emails from the imaginary fireman she met on TV series 'Deadwood' chat rooms in 2005.

The pair lavished each other with gifts before Bonhomme ended her marriage after planning to move with her new 'love'. But Bonhomme was devastated when she was informed that 'Jesse Jubilee James' had died of liver cancer in 2006.

Her stunned friends later discovered that the imaginary fireman was allegedly concocted by Janna St. James, a middle aged woman in Chicago, Illinois.

Bonhommme filed a lawsuit that was moved to Kane County, Illinois, where in December 2009 a judge dismissed her complaint.

But after months of legal wrangling an appeals court last month reinstated Bonhomme's fraudulent misrepresentation claim after rejecting the defence attorney's argument that the alleged hoax could be classed as fiction.

The appeals court was told how Bonhomme had been looking at message boards when she began flirting with the character. The couple spoke almost every day on the phone, with St. James being said to have used a high-tech voice altering device to sound like a man.

The pair had never met in person but Bonhomme left her marriage and was set to leave her home in Los Angeles, California, to be with her online 'boyfriend' in Colorado.

From her suburban home, St James had created a complex web of characters that were all entwined in the fireman's life. They included Pavlo Quietao, an Argentine friend, Krista, James' jealous ex-wife, Cakey, a rancher friend and even Rhys, James' young son. James was described as being a llama rancher with a love of words, and a rugged fireman who loved to knit but also suffered with bi-polar disorder. 'He' told Bonhomme that he had a six-year-old son and even sent a hand-drawn picture of a mermaid claiming to be from the child.

St James also sent gifts that were supposed to be from the mystery man. They included a rubber duck with a fireman hat, a lock of hair and a flattened quarter he'd stuck on the train tracks as a kid. Later she sent a carving knife said to have been melted in a fire and wood from a tree that had the initials 'JJJ' carved in, which St. James had said was salvaged from a fire that the man had extinguished. Bonhomme responded with her own gifts for 'James' and his family. They included a dog for his son.

Before the alleged con ended, St. James wrote Bonhomme a poem saying she was thankful of the romance between her and the imaginary fireman.

She wrote that she was grateful for 'the residual of that love, from which I now benefit.'

A short time later in 2006 Bonhomme was told that 'James' had died of liver cancer, having requested that nobody was present at his death.

'You all have temples within you,' he is said to have written in a last note. 'Go there if you want to honour me.'

The note, written on hotel paper, continued: 'I don't want to go. I don't want to die. I'm not ready. Not now. Not when I'm so close to being whole. So since everybody has always encouraged me to be selfish in my life I chose to die in secret. I know even if nobody else can understand, you can.'

An email from another of St James' characters, the fireman's son, stated: 'My daddy really died. I still cry every day and you will … it's okay to do that. We miss my daddy and your dog.'

St. James had been in constant communication with Bonhomme by posing as the fireman's friends. After the 'boyfriend's' death the pair grew closer. St. James arranged to meet the heartbroken woman and the pair traveled to New Mexico where they went on emotional visits to the fireman's imaginary haunts. But several months after the fireman's 'death' Bonhomme was told the truth about the relationship the day after St. James had visited her house.

Her friends confronted St. James who admitted putting Bonhomme through an 'emotional wringer' and the video was posted on YouTube. 'Who does that?' Bonhomme said, according to the Chicago Tribune. 'When you take it all apart and look at it, oh, you feel like such an idiot. … But when it's unspooled on you tiny bit by tiny bit and mixed in with reality, how do you even know where the lie begins?'

The court said that the fraud claim, which is usually applied to business, rested on an 'almost-two-year masquerade of false statements.' Daliah Saper, Bonhomme's Chicago attorney, said the ability to use the legal remedy for personal situations was a 'beautiful new tool'.

St James is reported to have written a letter to one of Bonhomme's friends after the hoax ended. 'I wanted nothing from her. I only wanted to be helpful,' the note is understood to have read. '(From) Janna, content with who and what I am.'

St. James' attorney claims that she should not be punished in court. She wrote in court papers: 'The concepts of falsity and material fact do not apply in the context of fiction because fiction does not purport to represent reality.'


original article here

GOOD FOR BONHOMME FOR GOING AFTER THIS WOMAN - SOUNDS A LOT LIKE THIS HOAXER (click here)

Internet predator approaches 1,000 girls on Facebook

(U.K.) A homeless man who approached more than 1000 teenage girls for sex on social networking site Facebook was yesterday jailed for having intercourse with an underage girl.

Dylan Lewis, 21, who is originally from Bethesda, North Wales, admitted taking the fifteen year old to a B&B in Holyhead, Anglesey, where they had unprotected sex five times.

Mold Crown Court heard how he had met the teenager on the internet and that he had confessed to a probation officer that he had approached around 1,000 teenagers for sex.

Online targeting
The court heard that 15 of those he approached agreed to meet him at a B&B and stay overnight with him but that he had been too nervous to take matters further.

Prosecuting barrister Gordon Hennell told the court that the girl had changed from her school uniform into casual clothes, and that they then caught a bus to Holyhead where they found a B&B.

He said: 'He met her over the internet, he asked her to meet up with him. She was aware that he was 21 and he knew that she was 15 because her date of birth was on her Facebook profile.

'On Facebook he told her he loved her, that he wanted to make love to her, and she seemed to be under some peer pressure to lose her virginity,' Mr Hennell explained.

He added that on the night in question the Lewis had a swig of cider and offered some to the girl, but she declined.

'Sex was consensual but it was clear that he initiated it and that she went along with what he was suggesting,' he added.

Lewis admitted two charges of sexual activity with a child and was jailed for 27 months.

He was placed on the sex offender register for ten years and a ten year Sexual Offences Prevention Order (SOPO) was made under which he is banned from befriending any young people under 16. It also places constraints on his use of the Internet.

Judge Peter Heywood said that it seemed that Lewis had an interest in girls of that age and that he had targeted them in the past with a view to meeting them.

He added: 'You contacted her via Facebook, you and she met, she bunked off school and went to your home to change. You both then went off to look for somewhere to stay and ended up in a B&B in Holyhead. You then had sexual intercourse. That in my view is a serious offence that clearly passes the custody threshold. There was a significant difference in your ages.'

He said that Lewis' actions were 'disturbing' and 'a matter of significant concern' while adding that there were factors which could lead him to the view that Lewis was dangerous, a risk of committing further offences in relation to young girls.

But he told the court, the defendant did not meet the criteria for a sentence for public protection or an extended sentence. He said those options were not available to him.

However, the judge said he hoped that the SOPO would ensure that he did not commit such offences again and accepted that the girl had consented to what took place.

But he added that the legislation was there 'to protect young girls from themselves' stressing 'I accept that when intercourse took place between you, she was a willing partner. She was not coerced in to going with you. She did it of her own free will.'

The court heard that the girl had played truant from school and had been reported missing.

Paulinus Barnes, defending, said that while Lewis had previous convictions there was nothing of a sexual nature and argued that there was a disparity of age but it was not of a great magnitude and it had been an entirely consensual agreement.

Lewis did not accept that there had been any manipulation.

He said: 'They met on the Internet and both were keen to meet.'

The court also heard how Lewis had a sad and troubled background. There was no family in court to support him.

Lewis was not particularly mature but had led a rather solitary life, in and out of hostels, and was currently of no fixed abode, said Mr Barnes.

original article here

Emotional Infidelity: A Love Affair or Just Friends?

EMOTIONAL INFIDELITYby Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

A common plea: But, we're "just friends." However the "emotional connection" is quite obvious by the amount of time spent in communication and the "vibes" that are set off.

These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consumes energy.

Here are a few observations of the "just friends" emotional affair:

1. This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care.

2. He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don't like intimacy.) The "just friends" emotional affair means neither spouse nor OP (other person) ever get "intimate." Neither relationship is fully consummated or has potential for growth.

3. Of course the "just friends" comment means either "stay away" or I'm, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me. There is an "emotional connection" to the OP that defies description. A sad kind of "stuckness or lostness."

The lover or "falling in love" emotional affair has a different twist.

The common complaint to the partner is: "I feel badly about this, and I don't want to hurt you, but, I'm not "in love" with you anymore. "I love you but I'm not in love." This often indicates:

1. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is. (sociopathic need for stimulation?)

2. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect. (narcissistic)

3. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness. (narcissistic)

4. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. (pathological irresponsibility)

There are many many subtle differences in affairs. Emotional affairs are only one kind.

Once you begin to see and understand the differences, a new sense of empowerment overtakes you embark on a more confident path of resolution.

Husband Seeks Divorce Over Online Affair

(February, 1996) BRIDGEWATER, New Jersey (AP) -- A man filing for divorce accused his wife of carrying on a "virtual" affair via computer with a cybersex partner who called himself "The Weasel."

Diane Goydan's relationship with the man apparently never was consummated, but her husband, John Goydan of Bridgewater, claimed the pair had planned a real tryst this weekend at a New Hampshire bed and breakfast.

Goydan filed divorce papers January 23 that included dozens of e-mail exchanges -- some sexually explicit -- between his wife and a married man she met on America Online. The man, whose on-line name was The Weasel, was identified in court papers only as Ray from North Carolina.

In a November 23 message, The Weasel wrote: "I gotta tell you that I am one happy guy now and so much at peace again anticipating us. I love you dearly. XXOOXX."

Goydan is now seeking custody of the couple's two children, ages 3 and 7.

Goydan's lawyer, Richard Hurley, said Mrs. Goydan apparently believed the e-mail messages could not be retrieved, but her husband was able to pull them off the computer and store them on a disk.

That raises some privacy concerns, such as what rights spouses have to each other's communications, said David Banisar, spokesman for the Electronic Privacy Information Center in Washington.

"If it's a shared computer, then the spouse has equal rights to get on it and share what's on it," Banisar said. But if the husband gained access to her e-mail on line, that could violate her privacy rights, similar to a husband tapping his wife's telephone. "It's still pretty undefined in the law," Banisar said.

The divorce papers do not say exactly how Goydan retrieved the messages. Goydan began saving his wife's e-mail every day after surprising her as she was printing out something on the computer when he came home from work early. When Goydan later switched on the computer, it told him there was something waiting to be printed, and he discovered a message to his wife from The Weasel.

The lawsuit claims Mrs. Goydan promised that day to end [Internet Affair] the relationship but later that night sent The Weasel a message that they had been caught. Weeks later, she messaged: "I just have to learn to be more careful. ... I want so badly to be with you that I am willing to chance it."

Reached by telephone at home, Mrs. Goydan said, "You're kidding me" and hung up.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Meeting with Women from Internet Turns Into a Death Trap

A man was shot and killed early 8/24/08 after being lured into a building in Brooklyn, N.Y. Police say officers found Daniel Brandt, 24, on the fourth floor of a building on West 33rd Street in Coney Island early this morning.

According to police, Brandt believed he was meeting a woman he had been communicating with over the Internet. Instead, he ran into two armed men who robbed and then shot him.

Brandt was taken to a local hospital, where he later died.

As of Sunday evening no arrests had been made, and the investigation continues.

ORIGINAL

Man Held his Internet Lover Prisoner when She Tried to End It

[United Kingdom:] Paul Peccioli, 55, "reacted badly" when Julia Pickup, whom he met online, told him she thought they should stop seeing each other, a court heard.

When Miss Pickup, 51, told him that their six-month relationship was over he banged his head against a wall then held up an airgun, telling Miss Pickup he would "deck her if she was a man", Leicester Crown Court was told.

The court heard that over the next few days Peccioli, a former Conservative member of Daventry District Council, slapped Miss Pickup's legs and threatened to take an overdose.

When she tried to go to work one morning, four days after she had ended their relationship, Peccioli blocked her path.

But he allowed her to call in to explain her absence. Two workmates realised something was wrong and went to her home.

When they arrived at the property in Ullesthorpe, Leicestershire, Miss Pickup escaped but Peccioli chased after them in his own car.

Mr Thatcher told the court: "She ran out to the waiting car. When Peccioli realised what was happening he ran out after her, screaming."

Miss Pickup's colleague did not know the village and turned into a cul-de-sac.

Peccioli tried to open the doors of the car, forcing Miss Pickup's colleague to mount the pavement. They managed to drive away, but Peccioli was following at high speeds.

Miss Pickup's colleague drove to the nearest police station where Peccioli was arrested.

He pleaded guilty to putting a person in fear of violence by harassment and blamed his driving on "emotional upset".

The couple met via the internet in March last year, but Miss Pickup ended the relationship in September after Peccioli became "possessive and overbearing".

Peccioli was given a 12-month suspended prison sentence and a restraining order that prevents him from going within 50 metres of Miss Pickup's home or contacting her.

Judge Michael Pert QC said: "I am prepared to accept that at this late stage of your life you have made a fool of yourself rather than being an inherently dangerous person.

"But that is of little consolation to your victim, and I have to take steps to protect her. Your behaviour during this incident was disgraceful."

READ THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Please contact the ORIGINAL writer and source of this article if you have any problems, or corrections.

EOPC = "Disgusting?" or Whose Victims are More Valid?

Recently, a thoughtful member of EOPC told us about Internet Love Scams: a website with a forum for victims of internet "love scams."

Sounds great! The more the merrier!! There are all sorts of love scams. Financial, sexual, emotional. Lets get the word out.... but wait!
When EOPC tried to post there and do some cross-linking? One of the moderators wrote us that they found EOPC "disgusting" and that we'd be banned if we posted our URL again.

Additionally, one of our members was told after she posted her story that it was 'slander' and she'd would be banned if she posted it again. The word "lawsuit" was thrown around by a couple moderators to this member/victim.

Excuse us, but EOPC has done a LOT of research and discussion with legal authorities. (Please check the left margin of this site for information on Slander & Defamation. )

This member was very aware of what slander was.

Our victims were manipulated and deceived. Cyberpaths are traitors of the worst kind - traitors of the heart, the mind and most of all OUR TRUST!

So... HUH!? EOPC's victims seem to fit their site's title: "Internet Love Scams." But nooooo, their site was for apparently only people scammed by Nigerian Scammers or 419 scammers. Just one sort of scam. The "scams" on EOPC didn't fit the parameters of their site. Fine. However, implying one of our members/victims was slanderous and also calling this site and our content "digusting" is a bit... JUDGMENTAL?

There are many advocates out there. We applaud them all - but your victims of "love scams" are not more or less valid than ours.

If getting out information and support for those who have been emotionally & mentally raped, cyberstalked, used and abused by a Cyberpath is "disgusting" then EOPC is GLAD to be disgusting. Our victims are NOT less valid because they didn't send money to some Nigerian or 419 scammer. Different, yes. Disgusting? We think not.

Too bad these people couldn't see the strength in working together.

Please avoid that site, members & readers.

When CyberLovers Committ Fraud, Rape or Murder

Reports are continuously emerging of cyber lovers being cheated, hurt or involved in scandals. Not only have marriages been ruined in real life, but more serious and dangerous situations have also arisen.

Sure, if you feel lonely, bored and you've got a computer at hand, cyber love may seem like a great means to kill time. According to a survey conducted by sina.com, which involved more than 17,000 Internet surfers, 69% of them had tried it. Another survey by sohu.com found that more than 50% of net surfers trust cyber love.

The most convenient place to talk with an online lover is a chat room. According to a survey by the Chinese Internet Culture Association, 97% of Internet surfers have tried communicating with others in chat rooms. And there are plenty of choices, with around 2,500 large-scale chat rooms available to Chinese surfers.

This month, netizens have been expressing their anger in a forum run by Netease, one of the most influential websites in China, about one of the forum's former administrators, whos net name was Kuaile Buyi (A Happy Plain Man). Apparently, he cheated some of the female forumites out of hundreds of thousands of yuan.

According to Hanqiong Diming (Cold Song of Crickets), one of the female victims, Kuaile Buyi was good at writing, a skill that helped him become an administrator on the Netease page in which he talked about feelings and love. Many women adored him.

After her marriage broke up, Hanqiong Diming found herself falling in love with Kuaile Buyi, and she believed that he loved her deeply. However, after they met at the beginning of 2004, he asked her to lend him 50,000 yuan, since his former girl friend was dying of cancer.

Hanqiong Diming was moved by his kindness and gave him the money. But then Kuaile Buyi disappeared and she didn't see him again. After that Hanqiong Diming realized she had been cheated.

In February this year, Hanqiong Diming posted her story in the Netease forum. She wasn't surprised when she found out that other female net surfers had had similar experience. One of them even lent Kuaile Buyi 150,000 yuan this March.

However, these female victims were unwilling to sue Kuaile Buyi, since most of them were married and could not face with such a big scandal.

Till now, Kuaile Buyi has not been found or punished.

"What he did damaged people's trust on the Internet, and hurt people's most beautiful feelings," said Sophiedream, a net surfer on Netease.

In fact, many people have had unfortunate experiences in relationships with cyber lovers, but not all of them were as unlucky as Kuaile Buyi's lovers.

"Last year, I dated a girl several times after meeting her in a chatroom," said Hongchen Jianghu (Dust and Rivers), a postgraduate student, "She was under 20 and told me she was a college student."

But the girl asked Hongchen Jianghu to lend her 2,000 yuan. He told her he would like to help her, but he was a poor student as well and so much money was totally beyond him. The girl immediately broke off with him.

"At that time, I felt my heart was broken, but it's better than having my wallet broken. Compared with the women who were cheated by Kuaile Buyi, I think I was lucky," said Hongchen Jianghu.

Lovers become rapists
On April 4, police in Chaohu, Anhui saved 18-year-old Cheng Anfang, a middle school student, from a local whorehouse. She was taken there by her cyber lover, "Handsome Man", two weeks before.

The two met in a chat room and started dating since March 20. Together with an accomplice, Handsome Man started feeding Cheng with sleeping pills. They took some naked photos of her and then raped her. After that, they took her to a whorehouse and forced her to prostitute herself.

There have been numerous cases of teenagers being taken advantage of in this way. In August last year, Beijing citizen Liu Lumin was sentenced to four years in prison for sexually abusing Weiwei, a 13-year-old girl.

Weiwei met Liu online in 2002. the 43-year-old man was considerate, humorous and passionate. Weiwei fell in love with him immediately and made love with him after their first date. After that, he took Weiwei out and continuously had sexual intercourse with her.

One time, Weiwei was away from her family for 40 days, during which Liu offered her drugs. It was only then that Weiwei began to regret her actions. She decided to sue Liu.

In court, Liu claimed that he did not know Weiwei was only 13, and he said everything that happened had been with both sides' consent. However, Weiwei's mother said in court that she had told Liu how old Weiwei was several times.

But teenagers are not only victims. Yang, an 18-year-old girl in Changsha, Hunan dated her cyber lover, "Hug You and Kiss You". After he suggested making love, she refused, so he raped her and stole her money.

When police traced "Hug You nd Kiss You" to a net cafe in Xiangtan on April 6, they found he was only 16 years old. He admitted that he had raped several other cyber lovers and taken their money as well. All the girls had been around 16¨C18 years old.

"Teenagers are easily influenced, and they do not have much social experience. Besides, many teenagers do not know how to protect their privacy on the Internet and they willingly give their personal information to strangers, such as true names, telephone numbers, schools and addresses. This makes it easy for them to become targets of criminals," said Zhang Xuemei, vice chief of Beijing Legal Aid and Research Center for Children.

"And of course, pornography and deviant pages on the Internet play a negative role here," said Zhang. Teenagers are not the only people who need to be educated about using the Internet. She suggested that parents and teachers should improve their knowledge about it as well, so they can be aware of what children and students are doing on the Internet."

Lovers become killers
On February 15, a man was found trying to commit suicide at his home in Wuhan. Afterwards, he admitted that he had killed his cyber lover the last eve on Valentine's Day.

The man, with the net name "lying Dust", got to know his cyber lover "Rain Drop", a 25-year-old flower store keeper, at the end of 2003. But Rain Drop's parents disapproved of her having such an intimate cyber relationship. So on Valentine's Day, she told Flying Dust that she had to break up with him. He flew into a rage and strangled her to death, and then tried to cut the arteries on his neck and wrists.

"I love her, I want to be with her forever," he said later, when asked why he had done it.

On Apri l7, a man's body was found in a hotel room in Dengshikou, Beijing. The man, called Zhang Yang, had been killed by his cyber lover, Liang Yixia, because he refused to marry her. Liang was arrested when she came back to get her mobile phone recharger.

According to Liang, in May 2003 she had been raped by three men she met on the Internet, and they also took her money. After that, Zhang, a seemingly gentle and rich man, renewed her trust in cyber love. But after they had sex, he told her that it was impossible for him to marry a cyber lover. Liang felt so humiliated that she fed him with sleeping pills and then strangled him with adhesive tape.

At the police station Liang said she felt no regret for what she had done. "He deserved this punishment I gave him," she said repeatedly.

"Surfing on the Internet and having cyber lovers are the same thing. Like in real life, sincerity, responsibility and self-discipline are needed. And you always have to be cautious and know how to protect yourself," he said.

Source: Xinhua (China)

(if you think this only happens in Asia, think again - these sorts of scenarios happen all over the world, the U.S. and Canada included! - Fighter)

African Internet Bride Scam Victim Returns Home

A South Australian farmer held hostage in Africa for 12 days in an internet bride scam has returned home, saying he's lucky to be alive.

Des Gregor, a 56-year-old from Hoyleton in SA's mid-north, arrived at Adelaide Airport tonight after being freed from his African captors who were ultimately duped by police.

Mr Gregor travelled to the landlocked west African nation of Mali last month to meet his supposed bride and collect a dowry of $100,000. (NZ $114,521) in gold.

But on his July 27 arrival, he was kidnapped by an organised scam gang, beaten, stripped, had his cash and credit cards taken, and was held hostage at an apartment in Bamako, the capital of the third world country.

The wheat and sheep farmer was told he would have his limbs hacked off with a machete unless he arranged a $100,000. ransom.

Mr Gregor was freed last Thursday when Australian Federal Police (AFP) persuaded the kidnappers there was money to be collected by their captive from the Canadian embassy in Bamako.

The conmen briefly released Mr Gregor, and police rescued him.

"I especially thank the Australian Federal Police for the effort that they put in and also the Mali police, they did a fantastic job in conjunction with the AFP, and if it wasn't for them, I reckon another couple of days and I wouldn't have returned," Mr Gregor said.

Asked if he had learnt his lesson, Mr Gregor replied: "I think so."

Mr Gregor arrived in Adelaide with none of his possessions and issued a warning to others seeking love over the internet.

"Just be careful, make sure you check everything out 100 per cent," he said.

Earlier, his brother Phil Gregor said Des was "absolutely blinded by the fact it was a scam".

"You see this in a movie, you read about it in a book – it happens to someone else, not you. But it does, I found that out," Phil Gregor said.

"I really hope that the message gets out to people that they look after their family and if anyone talks about internet relationships, that they can be open and share the mail with them to get an objective opinion.

"When you're in that relationship, it does seem that the reality of the scam doesn't show up to the person that is in it.

"I want people to be prevented from having to go through what we did.

"It's not a nice thing and it can be avoided with some family participation."

SOURCE