- Disappear and/or block you and/or change their nicknames, identity & emails
- Lash out at you
- Smear you
- Belittle you & call you names
- Tell everyone that you both know you are "crazy" or "stalking them" or (the oldest one there is) you're a "scorned man/woman."
- many other nasty, malicious things worthy of a 9 year old
This is betrayal. This is what pathological people do when their 'mask of normalcy' is pulled off. You reel from it because you can't understand. You can't imagine what happened to the attentive loving guy you met who seemed understanding. Nothing happened. That wasn't the REAL PERSON. This monster who is out for your virtual heart is the real person.
Everything else? was a lie.
All you will get now is narcissistic rage. Anger that you busted them. And threats of harm to you, your family and so on. Just read through the stories on the right of our exposed predators and see how they treated their victims.
Take a look at Ed Hicks, Doug Beckstead, Dunetz/ Yidwithlid, Brad Dorsky or Dan Jacoby . Look at how they were to their targets once they got bored or angry with them. Watch their rage, their blame-shifting, their guilt tripping and their disappearing acts from the lives of people who people who really loved and cared about them.
The one thing we can tell you here at EOPC is that 90% of the time, the threats are a form of "control by temper tantrum." Like a 6 year old they are mad that you won't play their game or said "NO MORE" to them. Or they got bored and don't want to play with you anymore, so your emails and attention is suddenly ANNOYING. Now they kick, scream, say rude things & stomp away hoping you will be so upset you will let them start up their game again. Either with you or someone else.
Or, that you are so scared of them you dare don't expose them or tell others. DON'T FALL FOR IT!
And don't for a second think they haven't told their online friends, offline friends, partner/ spouse, job... that you are "obsessed with" them or a "scorned" person. So when you send just one more email or make one more call hoping for explanation, closure, something... they say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me!"
What childish bull.
If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away! Maybe they will get their relationship/ marriage right. Maybe they will go into LONG TERM counseling. The odds are 98% of them don't.
"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
But don't let them scare you. Stand up to a bully no matter how long or what it takes. Take back what they took from you. Your power, your dignity and your peace of mind. - EOPC
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Betrayal, when realized, is a phenomenal existential feeling. Suddenly, your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question reality, but most of all you question yourself.
How, you wonder, could I have been so naive, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing? It may be difficult to believe, but these questions are good. YOU are the normal person, the one who aligns reality (he was so nice to me, he was my friend) with a cognitive belief: he ACTS as if he likes me, he TELLS me he likes me, I see no reason not to believe him because in my past, people who act and speak this way, CAN be trusted. There is congruency. But not now.
Suddenly, you learn that someone trusted - a spouse, lover, family member, close friend - has been putting you down, lying, manipulating others against you, and yet maintaining a stance of intimacy with you.
The world is not clear, the ground you stand on is wobbly. You will never feel good about this. You will not "Get Over" it. But you CAN move forward. You can do so by realizing that no matter how awful the betrayal, YOU are the normal person and this betrayal comes from rage.
This person envies you in some way, is enraged about it, and MUST put you down behind your back. They MUST harm you.
They have no choice. But you do.
In the world of normals, after we get over the shock, we can use this experience to become stronger, to help others, to learn to avoid this particular toxin, and to calm ourselves that the higher moral ground is ours. It's too bad this person acted as he did, we wish he did not, but we are NOT diminished by their pathology. Wiser, sadder, but never diminished.
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EOPC believes that cyberpathy is a form of pathology. Either narcissistic or sociopathic/ anti-social. Because its exploitative and the cyberpath has no remorse or guilt. Therefore we publish this article for the victims of cyberpaths.
Don't believe they aren't hurting you on purpose. They are. You are not the 'object' they treated you like. Stand up and tell them. They will probably disappear from your life while painting themselves as the victim - OF YOU!
Stop giving them the opportunity - stop trying to "get through" to them, stand up for yourself and starting healing you!
by Kathy Krajco
In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.
If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption.
I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist.
Here's how: The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite.
What does that mean?
Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an "accident" after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?
It's no "accident," that's for sure.
Want to see a narcissistic rage? That's no "accident" either. The test: Just fall to your knees in tears begging them to have a heart and stop kicking you around like dirt.
The narcissist's response? He or she blows up into a rage. Is that rage an "accident" when nothing but how deeply they are hurting you provokes it?
No, it's a willful and wanton outrage.
Now hear this: THEY DON'T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren't just inconsiderate and touchy.
Test their "touchiness" (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N's mercy test it - someone who can defend themselves).
Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back.
Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite. Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his "I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly-mask."
Don't take my word for it. Test it.
You CANNOT insult a narcissist who isn't in a position to bully you! It's impossible. Try it, you'll see. Your lack of vulnerability gives them skin a foot thick! (Not to mention a rubber spine.)
"Touchy" my you-know-what.
They aren't touchy at all. So perceived slights aren't what set them off. The VULNERABILITY of a TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY is what sets them off - IF there are no witnesses.
That's predation, not touchiness.
Narcissists aren't inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you.
And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away. Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug.
They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood.
That's what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)
So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren't to blame for what they do?
It's asinine to think that narcissists can't control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.
Their problem isn't lack of self control; it's lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day.
Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim's back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.
But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn't remove the addict's responsibility to resist that temptation.
If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it - IF there are no witnesses present.
But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he's addicted to heroin? Of course not.
Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.
Yet addicted as he is, he demonstrates the ability to control himself by behaving whenever witnesses are present, misbehaving only when he thinks he can get away with it.
Innocence that is not.
He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it.
So, hurting others isn't something narcissists do by accident. It's how they live.
The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind.
I don't care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn't mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he'll be if you go away, and all that crap. It's a joke.
Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It's the bottom line. It predicates your choices.
Don't take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always. Even on Thursdays.
SOURCE
3 comments:
that was the hook that brought me back several times to an incredibly destructive "friend:" "you're abandoning me?" this was his call every time i had a sense i really needed to separate from him in order to feel sane. it was an effective button to push. even though everything in me was screaming, "no," i relented. in some way, i knew it was just the beginning of another cycle; my emotions, however, were so effectively played.
he did have a genuine reason for pity: he had several degenerative disorders which will most likely kill him. it was a powerful thing to keep me there. unfortunately, my concern was also used as an inroad for further exploitation.
it's interesting that now that he's not in my life, i stopped having night terrors. my anxiety levels in general have gone way down. i thought i was dealing with two people: the friend how loved me, and the "evil person" who raged, manipulated and lied. i thought i could appeal to the "friend" in him. now i know i can't. that part of him is all a ruse.
i'm not sure how not to grieve all this.
my recently "former friend" used to rage at me for formatting paragraphs incorrectly---meaning, not to his exact specifications. anything not said in direct response to his chosen topics was a reason for anger.
i used to think i was dealing with two people: the friend who loved and cared for me, and the "other side"--the one who manipulated, raged, and in the end--exploited me.
i feel as though i'm waking up. even though i've been through similar situations before and have a certain awareness--i fell for it again. it's amazing how effective a narcissist can be at pushing just the right buttons.
As I read through these well written articles on EOPC, pieces of the puzzle are slowing forming a picture of my predator.
He was my hero, my knight in shining armor.
For more than 2 years he showered me with attention. We spent hours, days weeks, months together on paltalk. Sometimes as many as 7 hours a day. I neglected everything in my daily life to make him happy.
He said his wife wasn't interested in him anymore, that she wouldn't let him touch her. I felt so sorry for him! How could she not see what a treasure she had in this beautiful man?
"She'll let me hug her as long as my hands don't roam."
And of course, he was "dying" and on "oxygen". At times, in the music room, people grew alarmed at how weak he sounded when he sang! They would pm me (private message) or whisper (an option in the chat room) their concerns, many saying they were praying for him.
I can't count the times he told me "I may not make it through the night."
So, I stayed by his side, virtually, encouraging him. I told him that I "would do anything" for him and that "If you die, I will come after you."
After he had me exactly where he wanted me, he said, "I've fallen in love with you." He said he was coming "to the states" so we could meet at Graceland and "spend time together".
"Time isn't on our side. When we meet, I will take you in my arms and make love to you all night long."
"I'm your lord and you're my lady."
He sent nude photos of himself to my mobile. He said he was masturbating in the "toilets at work" and "just thinking of you makes me so hard."
But to those on paltalk who know him, he is a fine, decent, honorable, faithful, honest man and I have "traumatized him".
He's "happily married" and since I've exposed him, he has told them that they should "block" me as I am "stalking him".
Because he was "dying" and we had so "little time", I saved our conversations.
He is a professed atheist but has aligned himself on paltalk with Christian females who feel sorry for him because I "hurt him".
I was so brainwashed, I believed him when he said we had been together in past lives!
When he was ready to move on to his next conquest, he began texting and calling my mobile, saying, "My wife is suspicious. We have to cool it. Don't say anything in the room or send any private messages until I say it's ok."
I later discovered it was not his wife who was suspicious, rather it was the new woman in the music room. He didn't want her to know about US.
He began spending time with her. He and she would come to the music room at the same time, leave at the same time and finally, he began to yell at me in text. He grew critical of all that I said and did. He humiliated me publicly but it was always my fault.
His new woman began "counseling" him and told him he should ban and block me.
I have pictures of him ejaculating on cam while I was forced to watch and he said, "I love your obedience".
But to his friends, I'm the terrible woman who must be avoided.
He told his wife I was "obsessed" with him and he threatened me in an email with "federal agents".
So, he lied to his wife about US in order to cover for himself and his new woman.
This hurts. I loved him with all that was within me and now I feel such compassion for his wife.
As of this writing, I've had many phone calls and private messages from women on paltalk who said he has whispered sexual things to them in the room and pm'ed (private messaged) them.
As horrible as this has been for me, it would be devastating for her and the children if they discover he is a cyberpath.
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