Here are some ways to stop keeping their secrets:
Join a Domestic Violence Group (most are free and are for verbal and emotional abuse too. You can see how their behavior often escalates and how if you don't stop it now, things will escalate) or Online Support group like ours
Participate in their public demonstrations, especially if its in the same town where you live. (If asked to speak, talk about Cyberpaths and what happened to you. You might be shocked how many are living in silent agony with similar shame & PTSD)
Tell the people who ask the truth without sugar coating or "protecting him." (Don't run around volunteering info on why. When anyone asks, tell them as many facts as interests them without rambling or preaching. If they don't believe you -- just smile, say "you will find out eventually" and walk away.)
Write press releases for your DV group or other publications and use your cyberpath as a concrete example. (Being published like this helps other women know they are not alone.)
Tell your counselor. If your counselor keeps trying to say you are "half the problem because of your behavior", get a counselor who understands online/emotional abuse, psychopathy and mind control. Don't try to educate a counselor who tells you to just "move on" or "get over it." Find one who gets it.
Tell your mother, father, and friends everything (where appropriate)!
(example: Telling actually saved the life of Marcia Ridgeway, the Green River Killer's 2nd wife.
He had tried to choke her from behind once. She told everyone, including her father who talked to Gary about it.
Years later, after his arrest, he told police that he had wanted to kill Marcia, his wife, but was afraid he would get caught because she told everyone that he attempted it once.)
Remember that the next you think you are "protecting" your cyberpath or his family by not telling the abuse you suffered at their hands.
Keep a detailed journal. This will help remind you when you forget how bad it is and can help you see your patterns. You can also later use it when you want to write a book or if you need evidence in court. Dated journals are court admissible.
Also, don't delete all the chats or emails - save them to a disk if you need them later. That way you don't have to read & obsess over their toxic words; but you do have them as evidence.
A journal can keep you from believing his words "you're crazy", "it never happened", "I never said/ did that", "it was just a game", "you blew it out of proportion", "she's a scorned/ obsessed woman", "she's been stalking me", and other crazy-making ways they try to turn it around on you.
Write a book and publish it. Do your own web site with your story and pictures. Post all pictures that relate -- photos he sent you, emails- with full headers, chats, gifts he sent --whatever pertains and illustrates the relationship.
List them as an abuser on the web. Do so only after you have established NO CONTACT with them. Use only sites that require verification and stick to the truth. Be sure you can back up what you say about some 110% and don't list things like their phone number, address or social security number - as that could lead to you being charged with aiding in identity theft.
Once you are out of their grip, you not only get to express yourself in an emotionally satisfying way, but you may save another person tremendous grief if they finds the cyberpath's name on one of these sites.
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