1. a woman he'd never met in person but was calling 3-4 times a day telling her he LOVED her and,
2. a woman he'd known over 25 years who he was using as a online sex object (she had no idea) and whose family & life he destroyed.
Talk about playing people like objects! (do you think he was sincere?... or trying to cover his ***?)
More from our phone and email interviews with Yidwithlid/ GRIDNEY's targets. Well worth reading. Is this how you felt too with your cyberpath, readers? (our comments in DARK BLUE/ original interviews in Fall 2004):
Target #1 -
I was horrified, sick and feeling very used and stupid. That feeling I had in the pit of my stomach all along had been right and I ignored it. Like the patsy I was trained to be by an abusive parent, I just ignored my own feelings. Yidwithlid had lied to me from day one. Someone he knew. Everything was a big fat lie. Even the "friendship." The horrible abuse I had been taking from my ex-husband because of yidwithlid now made me feel very pathetic.
I told Target #2 to go be with him because I truly wanted him to be happy. In my trauma and blind thinking all I could still think was to make him happy.
Obviously, what was going to make him happy wasn't ever me. I wasn't even real to him. No wonder he avoided seeing me for 2 years. I was an online fantasy - and he'd even lost that just a few months in when my ex-husband tried to confront him. I was, actually, nothing. Not even a real person.
I also felt truly HORRIBLE that I introduced Target #2 to Yidwithlid. She was pretty nasty to me about it because she was angry for a while after for introducing her to him and telling her what a great guy he was.
- When I saw that he answered MY friend (FoT1) that he 'hadn't talked about Target #2' to me; yet he had gone and smeared ME to Target #2....
- That he was making plans to go be with her, when he couldn't make time but once in 2 years to see me for a hello. And even then he seemed annoyed. I was never a real person to him and when I did assert myself he'd trained me to back down because he'd stop speaking to me for a while to 'punish' me...
- Couldn't remember my phone number in 2 years when he was calling her 2-4 times a day...
- Calling Target #2 'my sweetie' and 'babe' when he told me he HATED pet names... (remember that one readers?)
gridney / Yidwithlid told her he "loved" her - and never ever said that to me in all the years he knew me. Even as just a friend. In fact, on a 3 way call - I heard him vehemently say to Target #2 that he "never loved [me] never!" I was throwing up again as soon as I got off the phone. I couldn't stop.
Don't get me wrong - I know this sounds bizarre but I was not jealous. Not even a little bit. Jealous or "scorned woman" wasn't even close. I self-abused because he was just confirming for me what years of abuse had 'taught' me - I was garbage. It was beyond plain -- I didn't need a house to fall on me. I was nothing but a toy, something to fulfill his addiction when he was unemployed or bored. He didn't want me to be real. He didn't want to know me, be seen with me and he never had ANY intention of introducing me to his family - even BEFORE the cybersex began. He was laughing at me the entire time. I was a joke to him. A pathetic, convenient joke.
Prior to yidwithlid re-entering my life I had been through more than a lot of people my age. I was worn down and vulnerable. And now I was in hell because of him and my letting those old feelings surface. I felt pathetic. I couldn't figure out what I had done to make him treat me like that, not even being my friend! He knew exactly what he was doing and his ego must have been enormous knowing how he'd duped me. I wanted to cry or scream but when I opened my mouth - I could only vomit.
When I did finally pick up one of his calls, I spoke like it was one long primal-scream and I tried to maintain some control. Yidwithlid tried to get me to 'wait a month to tell' his wife....I had Fed Ex'd everything to her the day before. (good! - gridney/ Yidwithlid would have been spinning and smearing you to his wife & friends, and probably did anyway!)
She needed to know what he was doing, finally. It was the only way I could see that he'd get the help he needed and his wife could finally help him. She was his wife - and what I did to her was wrong. I knew she'd hate me and he'd make sure to paint a bad picture of me.
Yidwithlid tried to tell me that - "you know I have feelings for you." It would have been kinder if Yidwithlid had stabbed me or just called me an "ugly fat old pig." I wonder what those feelings are.... disgust, amusement, annoyance... I still have no idea. He only said that to try to buy my silence with more lies and guilt.
He left a message on my phone saying he wanted to see me & talk to me and that I "meant too much to him." I wish he'd meant it.
I was vomiting a lot. I had to go somewhere one evening about 4 days after it all, and I ended up having to pull off an expressway to vomit and then I felt very faint. I went to an E.R. that night and was released. I went back to the hospital a number of times in the 2 week after and by late March (2004) when the police were involved, I pulled the plug on my computer.
Target #2 was calling me. She was out for blood. I understood her rage. I did tell her that going to meet and have sex with a guy she'd never met and only knew online for 5 weeks was very risky. I stopped taking her calls for a while and the answering machine messages went on & on & on. She was very triggered, seems Yidwithlid had disconnected his cell phone and I was too sick to help anyone or even get out of bed.
My doctor sent me to a trauma counselor a number of times during the first few weeks after for thoughts of suicide. I was sedated and just walking around zoned out. Target #2 called me a lot after that. She still loved him and kept trying to get him to talk to her and explain. I told her he MUST love her and maybe she should just wait it out and he'd call her. Yidwithlid just dropped off the radar. No closure - like we didn't exist.
~~~~~~~~~
Target #2:
I kept calling Yidwithlid's cell phone for verification of what had happened. I asked him about something. Yidwithlid then told me, when I confronted him about something I KNEW had happened: "Never happened." I knew what gaslighting was and knew he was doing this for sure then.
I was angry beyond belief. Yidwithlid told me "if you love me you will leave me alone and let me start a new life." What about me? He'd promised me trips and said "our love would go on forever." He swore he didn't love his wife at all. He'd even sent me photos of himself with his kids cropped out! Leave him alone? (If he really did care about Target #2 at all he would never have said that or done what he did) He even had the temerity to say he'd told his rabbi he'd "fallen in love" with me. My money says he told his rabbi I was some obsessed stalker!
I got online and dug up everything I could on him - I was going to make sure his boss, his family and everyone he cared about knew what an animal he was! This man's religious and caring nature was nothing but a pose! His job, his publishers were going to know.
I was sexually abused as a child and wanted his poor kids away from him too! I called a P.I. friend in LA to help me. I was not going quietly. (Readers: we do NOT recommend this sort of over the top revenge! - EOPC)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Target #1:
About 10 days after all this Yidwithlid emailed what he thought passed for an apology to myself and Target #2. I couldn't believe he was being that impersonal. Of course this just triggered my trauma worse. He misspelled my last name in a suggestive manner. I was deeply triggered.
I meant nothing to him. Nothing. I wasn't even a person. Bad enough I was being abused in my own home, my kids were subjected to seeing it - because of my relationship with Dunetz/ Yidwithlid!
Bad enough I was disabled and could barely leave my house some days. Here it was - the proof that I really was nothing. I made a stupid decision based on lies and my fears were confirmed.
I was a just "thing" to be clicked off with computer mouse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE 'APOLOGY'
no editing to spelling or syntax has been done... only names and people left out. We also highlighted the number of times GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid said I, ME or MY to make a point that he really had no empathy for what he had done to any of his Targets.
Like most online predators - GRIDNEY / Yidwithlid was only concern for himself! (and of course HIS family - whom he LIED to about Target #1 and #2 and his preying on vulnerable women online.)
Has yours done this? (we are reminded of the letter Ed Hicks sent to Wife #6!)
NOTICE how Yidwithlid puts Target #2 FIRST on his email list. Must have made Target #1 feel really good... like a bad chain letter. He could have a least sent 2 emails!
**************************
TO: Target # 2@###.com, Target #1@###.net
FROM: Yidwithlid
DATE: 3/26/2004
I am writing down every day. I see the pain I cased every second of very day. my wife crying (sometimes she throws up) every day and ail cause of me. My kids having no interpersonal relationships because I have been selfish ant too lazy to give them the attention thy deserve. I have a friend my [clergyman] who I made feel so uncomfortable by mixing him up in all this Even quitting the #### was selfish. . And I am also profoundly sorry for the pain that I have cased to you both. Every Day I pray to God to relive your pain and that of my family. and then I pray that he bring me closer to [Him] in mind and spirit. so I can change the kind of horrible person I have been.
Target #1 you are right about those 12 steps but they take time...the first one was discussing it all and that goes way beyond my time on line it goes to the way I relate to my family help my kids,. My [clergyman] says to do true teshuva, I have to change, and I am working on int,,,it is a lng drawn out process.,.
I got rid of aol adn yahoo and only have the original MSN I dont go ton here, I was advised to no longer put my self in oppottunities where I have to be strong at least untill I have shanged form the creep I was, .Someday with God’s help I may be a decent human being again.. Am truely sorry for the pain I caused and all I can say is that ai sm trying to make that person go away
Ihis is from the heart, wheater u believe or not.
************************************
GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID certainly had NO PROBLEM pushing his family aside for his online sexual gratifications by emotionally brainwashing 2 vulnerable Targets! Now its their fault his family is hurt?
Also notice how Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID implies that he has to 'be strong' online and around them, AGAIN making the Targets responsible for the fact that he's a Sex Addict on top of being a predator.
Did we count 24 "I"s and 8 "me/my"s? In a short missive - DUNETZ/ Yidwithlid references HIMSELF and his 'possessions' 32 times.
What he did to the Targets only twice? .... does this remind you of our First Predator of the Month, Ed Hicks? or Doug Beckstead? constant references to HIMSELF?
Here's what TV Counselor Dr. Phil has to say about APOLOGIES (GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid's 'apology' doesn't even come close!):
"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your [and other people's] life.
This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"
DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID sent it to BOTH Targets? One he'd been telling he LOVED and the other he knew for over 25 years? Like a chain letter? ...We won't use the word that comes to mind here, readers! COWARD is the term for this that's at least printable. He could have at LEAST seen Target #1 in person a couple times to talk to her FACE TO FACE about this! He owed her that much. But no......
(We are also reminded of Brad Dorsky's accusation that his Target was playing around online also - which she wasn't.)
As a typical Predator - Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID only saw the pain he caused - in his own home. He doesn't even acknowledge the pain he caused Target #1 for 2 years and the abuse her ex-husband was heaping on her because of him. Typical predator - he has ZERO responsibility in his mind to her - he caused her to be abused and made her so sick she had to go to the hospital a few times. Does he care? Sociopaths never care.
In their minds, predators feel their victims have no right to be angry with them - no matter how badly they were used.
DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID didn't even apologize in 2003 when Target #1's estranged husband found out by hacking the computer. In fact Dunetz/ Yidwithlid's only comment was "I feel responsible" (he was responsible!), remember readers? And yet he did NOTHING to help her - not even emotional support! Not even a cup of coffee and a hug!
And then STILL he went on using Target #1 and twisting her mind & emotions KNOWING she was vulnerable!
Yidwithlid did NOTHING to support Target #1, who was in his 'thrall.' He just left her hanging, dealing with abuse, on her own for weeks. How dare her husband find out and interrupt HIS GOOD TIME! Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID seems ticked that his latest free **** buddy was compromised.
How much you want to bet he told people Target #1 was "just jealous"? LOL Typical Cyberpath excuse: 'scorned woman'!
And how much you want to bet, readers - Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID never really 'discussed it all' with his wife like he says? That those discussions were more of his spin and lies? And selective information?
Wouldn't you love to know what these Cyberpaths REALLY tell their spouses and friends? Trust us - its minimized, watered down and half-baked. They paint their Targets as the bad ones and justify doing it because they need to "protect their families/spouses from being harmed." Continuing to lie hurts them worse, doesn't it? But it gives the Cyberpath another way to garner sympathy for his/ her horrible problems.
Additionally, Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID talks about the 12-Step process of recovery 'taking time' and being a 'long, drawn out process.' Anyone who knows about 12-step programs knows they have one big principle: KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid. These Targets, like many of you, were in a lot of psychic pain.
Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID completely missed the Step [and continues to purposely miss it even years later we learned] of making amends and telling the whole unvarnished truth to those he'd harmed. Now he is angry at the targets and using his anger to say they don't deserve amends for what THEY did - exposing him. Typical.
And why should he make amends after he painted HIMSELF as the victim here? The only thing it appears Yidwithlid was sorry about was getting caught!
Of course he portrayed his Targets as "too much of a temptation" (making THEM responsible for his out of control behavior) and that he was 'counseled' not to 'put himself in situations where [he] had to be strong' according to more of the chats we read... [some of which we can not publish here at the request of law enforcement].
Readers, this in an IMPORTANT expose and one you should read over & over again. It's so textbook and encompasses the narcissism & addictive nature of Cyberpaths and how it infects the victims are shown here better than any book or article could explain.
Like all cyberpaths, Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID is a coward and just ran away. No closure, no explanation, nothing!
His male buddies are probably high-fiving him.
DUNETZ/ Yidwithlid even says as much was he says in the 'apology' that he is 'trying to make that person go away.' He probably had every intention of starting up the same thing with someone else, if he hadn't already... and getting these women who now knew the truth as far away as possible so he could smear them, make himself the victim and move forward (more on that later) .
I wrote Yidwithlid back after the apology and I was screaming inside. Everything in my head was a scream. I wrote the word "RAPE" to him in my response but I don't remember anything else I said. That's how I felt. How I still feel. "Raped" Now that I've been counseled about Emotional Rape I understand why I felt that way.
I had already gone to the police after Yidwithlid had threatened my kids. Yidwithlid was in their database and they were going to keep it confidential ...and I couldn't believe this was happening. I never get into trouble. My father was in law enforcement. This was all so out of character for me. I was a boring, straight arrow... and this? I was mortified.
This apology upset me so much. I was so numb and sedated I didn't even feel it until days later. (PTSD - emotional numbing) I went to my doctor at my therapist's suggestion a couple days later and was admitted to the hospital for the damage the non-stop vomiting had done to my esophagus. As a disabled person and a single mom, I really didn't need more injury. I had my children to think about. I told the doctors everything and it's in their files. His name, the relationship, the police contacts, everything.
Yidwithlid never contacted me again. Why would he? He never wanted to even know me, except as a sex toy, in the first place. He hated me the whole time. He just wants me dead, probably. (He created a new nickname & identity and got back online pretty quickly after he felt things calmed down... probably doing it again... online porn and all)
I was told I was in the throes of a full blown Post Traumatic Stress attack. Target #2 was still trying to pull it all together and couldn't figure out if I was jealous & lying, which Yidwithlid had implied to her - or I was telling the truth. Yidwithlid had done a really good job of twisting her mind too.
But something more felt wrong. Very wrong. And I couldn't get it out of my head.... the little voice that said "there's more... more going on here." I just couldn't stop thinking it. Flashbacks were waking me up at night and I was feeling something strongly in my gut.
(MORE TO COME ON TARGET #1s 'FEELING' - we aren't quite done with DUNETZ/ YIDWITHLID yet!! Wait until you see what law enforcement found.
And, we will post our edits of excerpts from Target #1 and #2s thoughts to tell the rest - Fighter)
Don't forget to take a look at what was found by law enforcement in Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID's internet cache. - CLICK HERE...
yidwithlid
2 comments:
Thank God there was: something that felt wrong. Very wrong. And I couldn't get it out of my head.... the little voice that said "there's more... more going on here." I just couldn't stop thinking it. Strange dreams and flashbacks were waking me up at night and I was feeling something strongly in my gut." We women always think with our heart instead of our heads; we are trusting and caring, well at least most of us. Thank you for posting about the egrecious cyberpath and alerting us all to the ways they snare their prey.
You are welcome! That's the whole reason for this site and WHY we go into detail about the predators we expose. So that people like you can relate to the experience, and empower yourselves.
In "J"s case.... wait until you find out what the SOMETHING MORE was. And don't forget Target #1 knew "J" for over 25 years. Awful when you can't trust anyone online, even people you believe you 'know'!
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