If you are in, or are interested in being in, an online relationship, it is important to know what things to look out for so you don't get hurt -- physically or emotionally. The advice you'll find below is meant for you to use as a way to help protect yourself from getting hurt. The tips are mostly common sense, but sometimes when it comes to love, it's good to have it written down for reference.
Person is too secretive.This can be as simple as the person is insecure with letting out information about themselves, to the person being married or living with someone else.
Person is often flirting with other people online.
Just as in real life you can find "players" online. Watch how your online interest interacts with others. You'll learn more about them, as well as be able to spot any unusual interests.
Person wants too much information about you right away.
Unless you are 100% completely comfortable about this person, don't give away any personal information. Even then, it is a good idea to keep important information to yourself. (if they do this - they are PROFILING you, MIRRORING you and BRAINWASHING you!)
Person seems only interested in cyber or phone sex.Unless this is something you are interested in, this relationship is probably not going very far. (If they don't want to meet for lunch or dinner or spend any time with you - if they live close - ditch them. They are using you like an "online hooker".)
After trust has been established, person will only give you a pager or cell phone number, but not a home number.
This again could just be precautionary, but again, it could indicate a cheating heart. (married or involved?)
After enough time has developed, person is adamant about not meeting in person. The reason for this could range from the person hiding something about their physical self, their lifestyle, other romantic involvement's, or just protecting themselves. (excuses can range from "I don't think I can control myself with you" to "I don't go out/ have time" to "I don't think its a good idea")
Person wants you to move to local area or in with them after only one or two meetings, or less than one year.
While my husband and I broke this rule, I strongly urge other couples to really get to know each other in person. It worked out well for me, but if follow this advice you will find yourself more confident about your choices if you really take the time to know them in person before deciding to make the big traveling step.
You find the person posting other personal ads online.
An obvious heartbreak! (especially if they are posting at BangMatch.com or Eroticy.com, etc.... sex partner sites, while trying to lure YOU into and keep you in an EMOTIONAL relationship online so they can use & manipulate you further)
Person keeps e-mails from other people hidden or a secret.
Something to keep an eye out for. Any relationship that begins or is involved in secrecy has it's days numbered. (OR...... they tell you not to talk to so & so online and you later find they told the other person not to talk to YOU either!! and give each of you bogus reasons to no longer talk. If THAT happens MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS TO CONTACT THE OTHER PERSON IMMEDIATELY!)
Person asks for money or other help or even suggests they are broke.
You may feel comfortable with this, but it's not a good idea, especially if your just met them. Don't open yourself to a potentially huge loss.
Person won't let you mail cards or other gifts to home address.
This is also another sign of a possible romantic interest living with them. Take the extra precautions to make sure your online interest is not already involved with someone. (they won't even GIVE you a home address! Run!)
Every tip is dependent upon your instincts. What is good for one person may not be good for the next. Use your head, and your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, question it and resolve it quickly. You may discover it was a case of doubt, but you may also discover it wasn't!
2 comments:
Doug Beckstead now 52, exposed in 2007 was guilty of all the above, specifically whilst living in Fairbanks, Alaska.
He told his targets to "send letters and care packages" to his place of employment, then the National Park Services or to a post office box number he gave them.
He made excuses such as "the mail or packages would most likely be stolen or go missing if sent to his apartment". Little did his victims know that he had a wife & children who sometimes stayed at that apartment. He had a family back in Anchorage, a wife and then two teenaged children who he visited on occasion. He was up there in Fairbanks for work and play, life got boring on those dark, cold nights.
Of course once this came to light he then lied about the state of that marriage, claiming that it was "a marriage in name only" .... his wife had said "I hope sex is not important to you" the day after they were married. Also claiming that he "was getting a divorce" after years of living in a sexless & loveless marriage. He told this to several targets that he stalked in various chatrooms and forums online. All lies now recognized as lures.
He also warned certain targets "not to talk to specific others", told them that one target had spread it around that "they were an item" ... that was because it was true. He always had plenty of women on the go, several at one time. He would also tell wild tales of adventure later mixed with woe, and state that this or that "woman was after him".
He talked for hours on the phone making adventurous plans of travel and plans for the future.
Those "plans" all eventually came crashing to the ground once he got a hint that it might be getting closer to a reality for his victims than he had anticipated or really wanted. This predator lives in his own fantasy world, one when dished back at you is really his plethora of lies and deceit.
All lies manifested to con and string his targets along for his "game" and sexual gain. Of course the many gifts he received via the myriad of "care packages" along the way, made it even better for this sick predator.
Please watch out for the guy who is looking to add to his collection. His porn collection. He will tell a woman everything she wants to here, and she will be the love of his life, until he gets what he wants from her. Then he moves on. The woman is left feeling violated and helpless. All of the statements about being secretive, and not being availabe are all descriptions of what these guys do. Don't fall for it.
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