CYBER CHEATING - A growing cause for Divorce

Cyber-cheating a growing cause of divorce;
online surveillance increases as result.
By Jeffrey Cottrill

Not only has the Internet made it easy to meet other people without leaving your own home, it has also provided spouses with a new instrument for starting (and carrying out) extramarital affairs. Whether the perpetrators are unhappy in their marriages, bored with their married sex lives, or merely flirting, "cyber-cheating" is now a common element in cases of marital breakdown.

"It can happen in three or four different ways," explains Dallas attorney Mike McCurley, a past-president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), who says that cyber-affairs are increasingly a cause of divorce.

"First, spouses can develop relationships with somebody they already know from work or somewhere else. It's easy to communicate with someone secretively on the computer, as opposed to on the phone.

Secondly, people actually meet through the web and form relationships that way.

Third, there's the pornography area, which has every kind of invitation you could imagine."

Chicago lawyer Paul Feinstein, also an AAML member, says he hasn't yet seen many cases involving cyber-affairs, but the new phenomenon doesn't surprise him. "The Internet provides one more diversion -- something people can do separately from their spouses," he says. "But is it a cause of marital breakdown or is it a symptom? That's the age-old debate."

As a result, many websites now sell electronic surveillance software designed to catch spouses who cheat "virtually". For example, Infidelity.com offers a program that secretly sends you a copy of every e-mail your spouse sends. Software available from other sites allows you to track each website and chatroom your spouse visits. Some programs even record every key stroke in real time.

"The benefit is that you can monitor their sites and e-mails," says Anthony DeLorenzo, the founder of Infidelity.com and a former private investigator specializing in extramarital affairs. "I don't see any drawbacks. We send them the software, and if they find out that their spouse is meeting the other person somewhere, they can follow and possibly videotape them."

The market for this kind of software is not happily married couples: if you've reached the stage where you feel the need to spy on your spouse, you know your relationship is in serious trouble.

"There are very few instances where 'spying' can improve a relationship," admits John LaSage, who founded ChatCheaters.com after his wife of 23 years left him for a man in New Zealand that she'd met on the web. "But surveillance products could be useful as a last resort, after all other options have been exhausted. For some, it can be difficult to believe what their heart and brain is telling them about the person that they've trusted the most. Right or wrong, they want physical proof." Many people feel more comfortable handling the situation by themselves than approaching a P.I., adds LaSage. "Infidelity can be a private issue they won't even discuss with friends or family."

However, because of the obvious privacy issues, the legality of surveillance software is highly questionable.

"The laws concerning this aren't yet fully determined," says McCurley, "but my best advice is: 'don't do that.' It's a risk you don't want to take -- whether through a computer or a telephone. There are many legal ways to find out whether your spouse is cheating that involve using a private investigator or an attorney. There are federal and state laws concerning eavesdropping and wiretapping."

Feinstein agrees.

"In about 90% of cases, cyber-cheating really doesn't matter, because fault is deemed irrelevant in most states anyway," he adds. "In some cases, I've received some intercepted e-mails with varying relevance; how the clients got them is beyond me."

Both DeLorenzo and LaSage agree that, with or without do-it-yourself surveillance, the best way to handle cyber-adultery is to confront your spouse directly. "If your spouse is cheating, there's obviously a problem with the marriage," says DeLorenzo. "You need to confront the person about it, and then either go to therapy to get help or to an attorney to get a divorce. There's no middle ground here."

LaSage says that many web affairs grow unexpectedly out of innocent surfing and chatting. "In many cases, people do not set out on the Internet intending to cheat. They start out thinking it's okay to do a little flirting because they feel they're in control of the relationship. They can remain anonymous, they can stop the communication anytime they choose, and they believe, as I have heard countless times on my website, 'it's not cheating if there's no touching.'

"The most important recommendation I can give is to not ignore the issue," LaSage adds. "It seems a natural response for people discovering an affair to deny what they're feeling."

Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships

What Makes Internet Relationships So Desirable?
by Paula (about.com)

People are drawn to cyber-romances for the same reasons they are drawn to face-to-face romances - either they don't have a "real-life" love relationship, or there is something missing in their "real-life" love relationship. On the internet, they may indeed find what they are missing. Or, because of the partial anonymity of cyberspace - which allows lots of room for fantasy and imagination - they may only THINK they have found what they are missing.

The "exotic" and/or "magical" quality of a cyber-romances might be one factor that attracts some people. The lover's presence enters your home (or office) without the person physically being there, which feels very magical. People also enjoy the secrecy that an internet romance provides.

An internet romance can be carried out from home or office without the knowledge of others around us.

It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

The Problems
Online relationships can happen incredibly fast.

When involved online with someone, you don't experience the negative body language or warning signals that may occur when you meet face to face.

You are taking the other person's word on trust -
while he or she may be romancing four or five others with the same lines that you find appealing.

You may be giving a false impression of yourself due to disinhibition.

What Makes Bipolar People So Vulnerable?
Hypersexuality - hypersexuality is a real problem for the manic bipolar. Because it feels very good, and very powerful, it can be a driving force that propels all thought, all feeling, and all motive. Hypersexuality often causes us to engage in flirtatious, seductive behavior that we would never otherwise consider. Hypersexuality often causes us to abandon real relationships, and it can lead us into dangerous online (and offline) situations. Worst of all, it often causes irreparable damage to integrity, dignity, and reputation.

Perceptual problems - the bipolar often wrongly interprets subtle nuances in voice and body language even when having a physical conversation. In the surreal, artificial environment of the internet, those nuances are further limited by our inability to express them electronically. It's very easy for you - and the person with whom you are communicating - to misinterpret intentions and motives.

Poor impulse control - the desire to live in the moment (without consideration of future consequences) can be real a problem, especially during periods of mania and depression.

Poor self-esteem - bipolars often have a desperate need for attention, friendship, and validation from other human beings. These feelings make us very, very vulnerable to internet stalking, manipulation, and deceit.

Grandiosity - when afflicted with grandiosity, we think we have absolute clarity and can do no wrong. All of our decisions - even the horrifically bad ones - "feel right," and they all make perfect sense.

(be aware - many of these traits apply to psychopaths and narcissists also. Only a qualified mental health professional would be able to diagnose someone as Bi-Polar)

Part 2: Warning Signals and Self-Protection

Now suppose you have met someone via the internet who appeals to you. There are several precautions you can take and a number of warning signals to watch for - signals that can tell you the person on the other end of the chat, forum or email relationship is not what he or she appears to be.

How do you protect yourself?
Be aware of the red flags listed below.

Run your relationship past an unafflicted family member or friend for a second opinion. Listen to his or her responses. Tell your online partner up front that you will be doing this. If the online person insists that you keep the relationship a secret, it's a sure bet that there are troubled waters ahead.

If at any time your instinct tells you that something is wrong; even if you know or "think" you know that person... it probably is. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Internet Relationships: Red Flags
Some warning signs that you need to watch for in ALL romantic involvements, and especially on the internet with someone you have never really met:

Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you.

Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags.

Abusive or controlling behavior: Give and take, tempered by some compromise here and there, indicates that a relationship is healthy. However, if one of the persons involved wants everything on his/her terms, then serious problems can arise. Furthermore, there are those who will become verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive if they do not get their way.

Argumentative and irritating behavior: Some people are just contrary. They will question much of what you say to them, put their own twist on it, or challenge your every thought. Basically, they are full of themselves and feel that their opinion is the only one that counts.

Sexual behavior: If your online friend is pressuring you for cybersex, you just might ask yourself the question, "how many others have there been and how many more will there be?"

Inconsistent behavior: Watch for inconsistencies in information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, job, etc. Keep notes!

Avoidant behavior: Consistent failure to provide direct answers to direct questions.

No contact numbers: If you've progressed to telephone contact, and any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of:

• You have to page them for them to call you back.
• They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.
• You can only call during certain periods of time (if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone).
• They will only call you, therefore not allowing you to call them.

Protecting Yourself Online
You may enjoy flirting online with that 25-year-old blonde female hottie with the psych degree ... but imagine how surprised you would be to discover that the "young lady" you've been flirting with online, is really a balding middle-aged male factory worker with a beer belly? The sad fact is, the person that you are involved with could be lying to you.

Deception via internet is incredibly easy.

An exchange of pictures via email means nothing. Go slowly. Meet regularly in the same chat room with others around and see how your love interest treats those others - and how the others interact with him or her.

DO'S AND DON'TS OF INTERNET ROMANCE
It's important to remember that online we never really know who we're talking to or what they're real motives are. Until you can internalize that fact, the internet is a dangerous place for you to be spending time.

Safety on the Net
When giving out your geographical location, limit yourself to region only, rather than the exact name of the town, province or neighborhood.

NEVER, EVER give out your work or home phone number to unfamiliar people! Establish a LONG, LONG record of trust before agreeing to do this.

If you must talk on the phone, get the telephone number to a pay telephone near you, and arrange a time when you can be at that phone. Make sure the pay phone you select is able to receive incoming calls. Be Safe!!

If you're going to put your picture on the internet, you have NO reason to believe it's going to stay where you put it. In fact, anybody can right click on an image and take it from a web site. That person that you send it to just might decide to pass it on to friends, and who would know?

Remember, once you put it up, you have NO idea where it's going.

Don't brag. You're sending an open invitation to those who would defraud you, if you tell them you own a house or two, a few cars, etc. Limit how much information you give out!

When you settle on a single relationship, make sure you set up a secondary email account to be used just for this relationship. You can quickly shut it down should things seem not right.

Now suppose the person you have met has passed all the tests and you've decided to take the next step - a face-to-face meeting.

Don't assume that because the object of your affections has not tripped any warning lights during your online relationship, it is perfectly safe to meet.

Keep in mind that when chemistry is the strongest, you are the most vulnerable.

Before you dismiss an online relationship as "harmless," remember that the lack of accountability, the ease of deception, and the anonymity provided by the keyboard all make the online relationship a potential source of instability and even danger.

If you do decide to meet someone offline:

Always meet in a public place! Don't even agree that the parking lot is a good idea - you have NO PROTECTION from anything in a parking lot, and no, your car is NOT SAFE! You can be easily overpowered, you don't know if other cars in the parking lot are safe, and nobody from within another car is likely to see you.

Always tell a friend or relative where you will be and write that information down!

Never allow yourself to be picked up for the first meeting. If you don't own transportation, get a ride from a friend, take a cab, or bus. Do not become a statistic! It is never safe to leave your home with a total stranger or to give a total stranger your address - and no matter how well you think you know someone you met online, at this point he or she IS a total stranger.

Women - never leave your purse unattended, even if the person you are meeting offers to watch it for you. Contained within your purse or whatever you carry is not only the obvious personal information, but your car and house keys. You may not notice they're gone in time.

Never leave your drink on the table or bar! If you have to go to the bathroom, or leave for whatever reason, take your drink with you. If that is not possible, dump it out! Order a fresh one when you return. Rohypnol - commonly known as the date rape drug - is not the only drug you need to be concerned about.

If possible, get a cellular phone. Even if everything goes great, what if the unthinkable were to happen and you were followed home? Lock the car, drive to a busy lighted area, and don't open your car door for ANY reason unless you see the red lights of a police car in your rear view mirror ... and even then, only open that window about an inch. You are safe inside your car if you restrict access. The cell phone is your friend - use it.

Be very aware of your surroundings! Memorize important landmarks such as where the telephone is, park in a well-lit area, and ask someone to walk you to your car in the event the meeting does not go as well as you had hoped. You only have one life, protect it!

A NOTE ABOUT STALKING AND HARASSEMENT
Cyberstalking is defined as "the use of the Internet, e-mail or other electronic communications device, including IM services, to stalk or harass a person."

Cyberstalkers usually target their victims through chat rooms, message boards, discussion forums and e-mail. Cyberstalking takes many forms such as: threatening or obscene e-mail; spamming (in which a stalker sends a victim a multitude of junk e-mail); live chat harassment or flaming (online verbal abuse); leaving improper messages on message boards or in guest books; sending electronic viruses; sending unsolicited e-mail; and electronic identity theft.

Online stalking can be a terrifying experience for victims, placing them at risk for psychological trauma and possible physical harm. Cyberstalking shares important characteristics with offline stalking. Many stalkers - online or off - are motivated by a desire to exert control over their victims and engage in similar types of behavior to accomplish this end. In many documented cyberstalking cases, the cyberstalker and the victim had a prior relationship, and the cyberstalking began when the victim attempted to break off the relationship.

Many cyberstalking situations do evolve into off-line stalking, and a victim may experience abusive and excessive phone calls, vandalism, threatening or obscene mail, trespassing, and physical assault.

Experts suggest that in cases where the offender is known, victims should send the stalker a clear written warning. Specifically, victims should communicate that the contact is unwanted, and ask the perpetrator to cease sending communications of any kind. Then, no matter the response, victims should under no circumstances ever communicate with the stalker again.

As soon as you suspect you are experiencing online harassment or cyberstalking, start collecting all evidence and document all contact made by the stalker. Save all e-mail, postings, or other communications in both electronic and hard-copy form. Record the dates and times of any contact with the stalker. If the harassment continues, you may wish to file a complaint with the stalker's Internet service provider, as well as with you own service provider.

Finally, under no circumstances should victims agree to meet with the perpetrator face to face to "work it out," or "talk." No contact should ever be made with the stalker. Meeting a stalker in person can be very dangerous.

from - about.com

ONLINE EXHIBITIONISTS

The thrill of putting it
all out there
For exhibitionists, the Internet is an ideal fantasy playground
By Brian Alexander

Not long into my instant message conversation with "Don," it's obvious there is no way to know if he is who he says he is, if he's answering my questions honestly or if he's playing me for a chump. All I know for sure is that Don placed an image on his IM profile that appeared on my monitor when we began chatting. At first the image he used to represent himself was that of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow. But he's just replaced that one with another, so now I'm looking at a shot of a torso complete with an erect penis. I assume that's him, but then again, you never know.

Don, an American, says he is on a business trip to Europe and doing what he often does during downtime - firing up his Web cam and exposing himself to the world. The body parts look to be about the right age, 49, and his conversation seems mature enough. Plus, I have managed to contact Don through other online exhibitionists I have met in person. Still, it's possible Don is actually a lonely retiree in Yellowknife, Canada who's surfing the Internet between glances at "Wheel of Fortune."

This is exactly the point of online exhibitionism, and why so many people have started doing it. You can be as free as you want to expose as much of yourself as you want without looking over your shoulder for the county sheriff. This makes the Internet an ideal fantasy playground where anybody can launch naked signal flares into the digital sky to announce: "I'm here, and I'm hot."

Homemade erotica has been around forever. When Polaroid introduced its Model 95 camera in 1948, average people were given the power to produce personal porn on a mass scale because nobody had to develop the pictures. But digital culture has broadened the possibilities. There are dozens of ways to use digital media to expose yourself, ranging from the mild to the X-rated.

Bikini retailers host online "customer galleries" featuring women (and sometimes men) wearing thongs and see-through tops, or no tops at all. On some sites, Web surfers can send e-mails to their favorite bikini-clad woman stating just how much they appreciate the view.

Popular exhibitionist Web sites such as Red Clouds, Watcher's Web, Voyeurweb and True Voyeur offer the same service, allowing every man and woman the chance to let the world see what they look like naked on a rubber float in the backyard pool or spread-eagle in the Barcalounger, and to read how excited (or not) that makes others. The sites appear to have a strong following. Among users of the Alexa Web search Toolbar, for instance, Voyeurweb ranks as the 398th most popular Web site over the past three months. In other words, out of every million users, 1,075 go to Voyeurweb and average 17.7 page views.

There also are sex blogs everywhere now, and MySpace and Flickr are populated by people posing like porn stars.

Of course, "online exhibitionism" sounds creepily similar to "online predator" and "kiddie porn," and the potential for that kind of abuse is great.

But the exhibitionists I contacted all stress that not only are they concerned parents themselves who closely monitor the Internet use of their kids, they also regard such use of the technology as a scourge.

The mom next door
For Susan, Internet exhibitionism has uses of a very interactive kind. I visited Susan in her Maryland home with "Michael" (who asked I not use his real first name), a man Susan met online. Susan uses the Net to trade images of herself with individuals and couples she meets through computer chats and online ads. Sometimes she is naked, sometimes she's performing a sex act.

Susan describes herself "as very much an exhibitionist," but she's nothing like the grizzled guy in the trench coat. She is a middle-aged medical professional, a church-goer and a mother. She is studying for an advanced degree. She calls herself "Rubenesque" and though she is attractive, she does not look like a centerfold model.

"Something I am not interested in is losing my sexuality," she says. "For a woman that is more of a fight." Taking digital pictures of herself, trading them with others and knowing they appreciate them helps her reclaim her feminine sexual identity.

Michael and Susan met when she answered an ad he placed on Craigslist (where ads for sex partners often display the advertiser's genitals). They exchanged nude pictures, met in person and have now struck up what Michael, also a middle-aged professional who works as an executive at a high-tech company and is a father, calls "an intimate friendship." Sometimes they include other people they meet online in their lovemaking, in threesomes or foursomes.

For Michael and Susan, the digital realm is liberating. "I can be free to think the things I want to think and not only think them but act upon them," he says. "How cool is that? You can dream the dream and then go make it real. This is a portal into a parallel universe. I mean, it's a wild world."

That world has been further fueled by technology. Thanks to broadband connections, Web cams and instant messaging, anybody can carve out a space in which they can act in ways they might not outside the virtual world.

"At church ... or wherever your community is, you cannot be real open and talk about your sexuality," Susan says. "But you sure can online. And you can very easily find somebody who is interested in the same things you are."

Many online exhibitionists have no idea who is on the other end of a Web cam and don't really want to know. But some, like Susan and Michael, eventually drop the anonymity because their ultimate goal is to make online fantasies real. "My goal is skin to skin," Susan says.

Don, Susan and Michael do not generally put their pictures up on public Web sites, preferring instead to trade and communicate - often using instant messaging - with a more select audience of their own choosing. Susan, for example, has occasionally viewed Don's camming sessions. She says finding an audience is not difficult.

"I do have ads up on a couple of different Web sites but I think there are networks of people," Susan says. "If you meet somebody and they know 20 people who know 20 people who know 20 people, it is pretty easy to get an expanded community."

That is just what Don has created. At first, he surfed the Web looking for still images of naked female exhibitionists. Then around the year 2000, "when I learned that computers could broadcast cams, I watched a few ladies, usually only topless, perform for me on the Web... Eventually I met a [woman] from Florida who showed me everything and begged me to get a cam. I did, and soon found myself stripping for her. I looked for others who liked it too, and didn't have to look far."

For Don, "camming" usually means displaying himself masturbating, often with one or more women, and sometimes a man, as his audience. Often the camming is mutual, with Don and a woman, using her Web cam to display herself to Don, instant messaging dirty talk back and forth.

'Avenue of escape'
Now, Don tells me, he has about 120 regulars with whom he frequently chats and "cams." He has had virtual sex over the cam with many more people than that, and he does it most nights when he is on the road.

"The digital world," he says, "gives me an avenue of escape to secret desires where I can find fulfillment." He is able to satisfy " private hard-core lover hidden inside of me" that he can express online in anonymity.

That anonymity is important because Don, who tells me he is a conservative Republican Catholic and somewhat shy in real life, is married with children. His wife knows nothing about his online sex life.

"I am basically a moral person but flawed major league when it comes to sex," he says. "And yet there is this secret side to me that must be satisfied … I have always had a streak of exhibitionism in me and felt guilty about that."

He is torn. On the one hand, he worries there might be something wrong with him. On the other, he feels release when he's "camming."

"I think of [online exhibitionism] as pure erotic expression of human desire," he says. "We seek escape from our difficulties, from our routine or pressures, and this gives it to us."

So far, it's tough to say whether Don's form of escape will continue to grow, or if the novelty of digitally mediated exhibitionism will wear off. But it's clear that, for now at least, many Americans are thrilled by the prospect of being their own porn star.

Brian Alexander, a California-based freelance writer and MSNBC.com's Sexploration columnist, is traveling around the country to find out how Americans get sexual satisfaction. Alexander, also a Glamour contributing editor, is chronicling his work in the MSNBC.com special report "America Unzipped" and in an upcoming book for Harmony, an imprint of Crown Publishing.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

We have listed at least 4 predators at EOPC who are voyeurs and exhibitionists.

WARNING SOME ADULT CONTENT!! MUST BE 18 TO CLICK!
ONE, TWO , and THREE

ADDICTED TO ONLINE PORN

Experts fear rise in cybersex obsession
By Linda Carroll

With the explosion of pornographic sites on the Internet, some experts on sex and addiction are concerned that increasing numbers of unsuspecting users will become victims of an obsession that can ruin lives and relationships. While many people may be able to dabble in Net porn with no ill effects, some run the risk of developing a serious, and potentially dangerous, addiction to online erotica.

"MY SPECULATION, based on my work with other addictions, is that those with vulnerabilities may be swept into the Net - pun-intended - of compulsive sexual behavior," said Anna Rose Childress, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania’s Treatment Research Center in Philadelphia.

"There may be a hapless subgroup here who would not have managed to develop a compulsive pursuit of... sexual behavior because of [societal] constraints and inconveniences. The Internet erases most of these, and the vulnerable subgroup is then at the mercy of their hardwiring."

A recent MSNBC.com survey found that as many as 80 percent of visitors to sex sites were spending so much time tracking down erotica on the computer that they were putting their real-life relationships and/or jobs at risk. Until they discovered cybersex, most of these people had no problems with sexual addition, according to the survey’s author, Al Cooper, a sex therapist at the San Jose Marital Services and Sexuality Center in San Jose, Calif.

Sex researchers are beginning to see people who have lost control.

"I've seen enough individuals in my clinic who have gotten hooked [on sex] on the Web to know that this is a significant development," said Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. "I think this needs to be taken very seriously."

Bancroft and his colleagues plan a study to determine which people are most at risk of developing problems with online pornography.

BETTER SEX THROUGH ONLINE PORN?
But adult Web site owners play down the notion that there’s a problem.

Mark Kreloff, president and CEO of New Frontier Media, a Boulder, Colo., company that delivers adult content via the Internet, satellite and cable TV, defends Web pornography as educational, and says he doesn’t buy the concept of porn addiction.

"I think that aspect of our business is grossly blown out of proportion by people that don't like the business that we're in," Kreloff said. "I generally think that our programming leads to healthier sexual relationships. It certainly provides an educational base to people who are interested in their sexuality and the sexuality of people. I just really don’t find that it’s a real issue that we're facing."

Dr. Robert Hsiung agrees that there are healthy ways to use cybersex.

"I don't think that any involvement is bad," said Hsiung, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Chicago. "If a couple surfs together and it turns them on and helps their sex life, I don't see any problem with that."

ROAD TO ADDICTION
So how can simple pornography become addictive?

"Sexual stimuli can be very powerful," Childress said. "There's a strong, imperative 'must look!' quality to them, the byproduct of an evolutionary premium on reproduction. And humans are great lookers, by nature."

Add in the special features of the Web and you've got a problem, according to Childress. "Usually looking, and the pleasurable arousal that accompanies it, has some constraints," she explained. Laws against peeping through people's windows and the social discomfort felt by buyers of porn magazines and renters of hard-core videos constrain many people.

But the Internet reduces these constraints considerably, Childress said. “There are few external regulations,” she said. "[People think] 'Who am I hurting?' And there are limitless, intense, overwhelming images to match any fantasy, and, with interactive programs, [there are] cyber-people who wish to be looked upon, talked to or aroused. This up-front sexuality can be novel, seductive and euphorogenic.

"As with other addictions, there is likely a vulnerable subgroup who now find themselves having trouble putting on the brakes, and cybersex begins to take up more and more of their time. They crave it. They find it beginning to interfere with other activities and relationships and that it resists attempts to stop or cut down. These are the hallmarks of addiction."

While it's not clear who the vulnerable people are, Bancroft suspects that the people most likely to be sucked into an unhealthy relationship with cybersex have some other underlying psychological problem. They are using the Web to self-medicate negative feelings such as anxiety, stress or depression, he suggests. "This is a quick and easy way to feel better," Bancroft said. "But it's a rather transient treatment."

What should you do if you think someone has an unhealthy involvement with Net sex? “Try to be open and discuss it with him or her,” Bancroft suggests. “Get it out on the table so it becomes a shared issue and not something that's hidden away.”

Linda Carroll is a health and medical writer based in New Jersey whose work has appeared in Newsday, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit Free Press and the Los Angeles Times.MSNBC’s Mike Brunker contributed to this report.

MSNBC
Original article here

Stalker Blames Religious Upbringing

by Jeremy Pierce

A GOLD Coast radiographer who tricked a hospital nurse into sending him nude photos of herself has blamed his crime on a strict religious upbringing and an addiction to pornography.

Jordan David Hennig, 26, created an elaborate female persona on the internet using profile pictures of an American porn star to gain the trust of workmate Belinda Fitzgerald.

Hennig faced Southport Magistrates Court yesterday, pleading guilty to one count of unlawfully stalking Fitzgerald, who has since been forced to leave her job at Pindara Private Hospital for another hospital.

Magistrate George Wilkie fined Hennig $4000 and placed him on probation for two years.

The court was told Hennig went to great lengths to create a fake online modelling agency, and contacted Fitzgerald on Facebook under the alias of Megan Jones, saying "she" wanted to use photos of the attractive nurse to promote a spa and beauty business called "Completely Bare".

Fitzgerald sent Hennig several nude pictures of herself taken during a photo shoot for a breast cancer campaign.

To build up Fitzgerald's trust, the fictional Jones sent her raunchy pictures, supposedly of "herself", but which were really of American porn queen Meggan Malone.

The two stayed in regular contact via email and text messages for several months between September last year and March. It was only after Fitzgerald stumbled across links to Megan Jones on Hennig's work computer that she smelled a rat.

Defence lawyer Nick Tobin said his client was ashamed of his actions, but pointed to a strict Seventh Day Adventist upbringing as reason for his behaviour, saying the church "restricted relationships between the sexes".

"He has had very little experience in the way of relationships with women," Mr Tobin said.

He also said Hennig was receiving counselling from a church support group to help battle his "addiction to pornographic material".

Fitzgerald, who did not attend yesterday's proceedings, said she felt let down by the result of the case.

"It's no surprise, I wouldn't expect any more from the court system," she said.

"He gets a fine, but what about the financial burden it caused me?"

Hennig, who is still employed at Pindara, refused to talk to the media outside the court.

original article here

Felony Charges for Fake Internet Posting & Harassment

(MISSOURI) A St. Peters mom faces felony charges for allegedly making a fake posting on Craigslist.

It will be a landmark case.

She's the first person charged with a felony under a new Missouri internet harassment law.

Forty-year-old Elizabeth Thrasher is accused of making a sexually suggestive ad in the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist to embarrass a 17-year-old girl.

The girl is the daughter of a woman who is now dating Thrasher's ex-husband.

The ad contained the 17-year-old's picture, cell phone number and place of employment. After it went online, the girl started receiving calls, texts and even pornography from men responding to the ad.

Prosecutors say this is harassment and it falls under a new law written in response to the suicide death of 13-year-old Megan Meier.

Meier received disturbing MySpace messages from an adult writing from a fake account.

In this case, Thrasher is over 21 and the victim is under 17, so it qualifies as a felony.

But Thrasher's lawyer says the charge does not fit the crime.

He says the new law is poorly written and doesn't apply in this case.

"The statute is very poorly crafted," says Thrasher's lawyer, Mike Kielty. "And the behavior in this case that's alleged to be criminal is anything but."

Prosecutors disagree.

"The fact that someone went on another website and created a fake post in someone's name, I think that's exactly what this statue was written for," says St. Charles County Prosecutor Jack Banas.

Thrasher is due in court again at the end of the month. She posted bond so she is not in custody. Her lawyer says she plans to plead not guilty.

original post here

Surf Porn at Work? Get Fired.

By Howard Levitt

The Internet enables people to watch more pornography than ever before, even at work. However, despite its rising popularity, it hasn't become any more acceptable to the mainstream and is often part of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Bad taste makes the day go by faster. --Andy Warhol

When business was slow, Greg Backman, a supervisor at Maritime Paper Products, would surf sex sites on his office computer up to three hours a day. The company never complained Backman was gratifying himself instead of performing his job. Neither did any of the people he supervised. On the contrary, the company was satisfied with the job he was doing.

It kept giving him raises and excellent reviews. Backman must have truly been talented to get his work done while surfing the Web for sex for hours a day. The company, like many employers, had an "Acceptable Use Policy" for work computers. Surfing for sex sites wasn't one of them. At the same time, it was aware of Backman's habit.

Several years earlier, he was warned to stop watching pornography at work or he would be fired but no one ever followed through on the warning. His great ratings continued. The company finally pulled the plug when a woman from the company's Manager of Information Services complained. Her job was to monitor everyone's computer use which required her to look at the images on Backman's computer, most of which were explicit images of young women engaged in sex acts. She told the company she found the images highly offensive. Maritime immediately fired Backman.

The court sided with the company. Justice McLellan of the New Brunswick Queens Bench stated, by displaying sexual images on his work computer, Backman was sexually harassing the woman in Information Services. In law, Maritime had a duty to protect her. It could not permit Backman to surf pornographic sites at work if it meant female co-workers would see it and be offended. Besides, Backman was warned and knew the risk he was running.

The company did the right thing by firing Backman because he placed the company at risk to be sued by the woman in Information Services for allowing him to sexually harass her. The lessons for employers are clear:

- Pornography in the workplace is not harmless entertainment. If an employee views pornography on a work computer, the employer may have cause for termination.

- If other employees are, in the course of their job, forced to see another employee's pornography collection, it can lead to claims of sexual harassment.

- Employers should make it clear to all employees that work computers cannot be used to view pornography or any material that might offend other employees. This protects the employer from claims it permitted sexual harassment and strengthens the employer's hand in firing employees that refuse to stop.

Howard Levitt, counsel to Lang Michener LLP, is an employment lawyer who practises in eight provinces and is author of several texts, including The Law of Dismissal for Human Resources Professionals, recently released.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE POST HERE

Credit Card Trails Follow Online Predators!!

Where the Credit Card Trail Leads
By KURT EICHENWALD -- THE NEW YORK TIMES

For almost six years, a little-known Internet company called Neova.net has been quietly processing credit card information for online businesses - among them, Justin Berry and other minors who operate for-pay Webcam sites.

Tracking down the company is challenging. Its Web site is just black-and-blue text on a white background, with little hint of the scope of its business. Its contact information shows it in London, but corporate records list its main offices in Boston, at an address for a private mailbox provider. And its server, the powerful computer that handles transactions and stores the business data electronically, is in California, Internet records show.

Just days after his decision to abandon his pornography business, Justin Berry accessed his operating account at Neova, downloaded the data of his for-pay Webcam site - including the names and credit card information of people who subscribed to his site - and provided it to The New York Times. Until then, Justin had never before known what kind of people paid to see an underage boy film himself in sexual situations.

"I really didn't want to know who they were," he said.

The names numbered more than 1,750; about 200, however, were customers who had signed up multiple times. The Times reduced the listing to a sampling of 300 people in eight cities and attempted to identify the adults who were paying to view child pornography.

In the analysis, The Times cross-referenced the names and locations of subscribers with publicly available records. Often, a name was traced to a company or organization through the subscriber's e-mail address. Subscribers whose identities were not clear, based on public information, were not counted in the sample.

Because of the possibility that some people whose information was on the list may have been victims of identity theft, and to guard the privacy of individuals, The Times is not publishing the names of adults whose credit card payments for Justin's sites were processed by Neova. The company and its principal, however, are targets of a federal investigation into online child pornography, according to court records and government officials; its customer records have been independently obtained by the government.

The detailed personal information accompanying the accounts indicates that virtually all of the customers subscribed using their real names. And the level of chargebacks - reversed payments that occur when customers dispute charges to their credit cards - was relatively low for the accounts, indicating that these subscriptions had in fact been ordered by the cardholders.

The analysis found that few of the subscribers fit the stereotype of online predators as people on the fringes of society. Instead, they included successful members of communities across the country, people whose education and language skills could help them win the trust of underage teenagers.

Of the 300 subscribers to Justin's site whose identities were checked, a large percentage were in professions that placed them in the proximity of children on almost a daily basis. There were pediatricians and elementary school teachers, as well as lawyers who represent children in court. But there were also subscribers whose careers seemed unrelated to children, including a public official in the West and the president of a privately held construction company who used his corporate credit card to sign up for the site.

Experts in the field of child sexual exploitation said such findings - particularly the prominence of adults having careers that placed them near children - were consistent with anecdotal evidence from law enforcement.

"These people go into these professions, like teacher and pediatrician, to get themselves close to kids," said Patrick A. Trueman, the former head of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section of the Justice Department, who is now senior research counsel for the Family Research Council, a Christian conservative organization that promotes policies on marriage and family. "Their desires drive their careers."

Neova.net is not the only online company whose computer records contain the names and identifying information of people paying for child pornography; other large payment processors have had such sites as their customers. In some instances, the processors are legitimate corporations that unwittingly play a role in its dissemination.

A pornographic Web site (now defunct) called bigfunhouse, for example, was dependent on a global Internet payment processing company for handling its credit card billings.

For years, bigfunhouse - which portrayed itself as the most popular site of its kind in America and Europe - offered to members a free link to a second site featuring Webcam videos of boys who were lured into one or two online sexual performances, according to Internet records and customers interviewed by The Times.

E-mail traffic reviewed by The Times showed that, in June, the company that processed credit card charges for bigfunhouse - Verotel, which is based in Amsterdam - received a message purportedly from a teenager whose image was on the site; the message stated that bigfunhouse was carrying child pornography. Verotel - one of the largest credit card processors for Web sites offering digital content, which says it is strongly committed to combating child pornography - replied that it had investigated the claim and had become convinced that it was not true, the e-mail messages showed.

In November, The Times asked Verotel about illegal images, and the company responded that there were none on the bigfunhouse site. The Times provided Verotel with specific information about illegal images, including the identities of people who had been arrested for possessing the material. Verotel severed its relationship with bigfunhouse. Within hours, the pornography site shut down.

The bigfunhouse Web site then changed its message to "Game over. We closed."

Be warned Cyberpaths! Already had TWO of our cyberpaths' credit card trails followed by law enforcement, which led to the closing of a $2Million a year brothel. Another showed this cyberpath on multiple dating sites, scamming women for sex while emptying their bank accounts. Police are now online on TER and similar sites as well as doing forensic searches for cached files - which you can NOT delete - and which remain online in archival files forever.

Be careful what you put online and you DENY doing online. The truth is out there. Encoded & encrypted forever!