"The NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline.
Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing.
If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness.
As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong.
The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423).
Sharon C. Ekleberry, Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
from this site
(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is probably an expression of Destructive Narcissism and/or Sociopathy)
We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes:
- The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it.
- ... the narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with THEM
- They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will concoct conspiracy theories against them that do not exist. They will always blame others.
"[I suspect my husband is a narcissist]... He tries to place blame on anyone and everyone but himself."
- Narcissists ...live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists] They often fabricate 'facts' to suit them and have a persecution complex when caught.
- [For the narcissist] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgment, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within. ... Such feelings of worthlessness are like an ocean being held back by a fragile dyke. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster.
Narcissists blame all problems on the "all-bad." It's never the narcissist's fault; it's always someone else's.
The last paragraph speaks truly from a narcissist's perspective. It's the victim's fault.
If the two of you have a conflict, they'll tweak the facts as much and as often as they have to to make it all your fault. (And if you EXPOSE the Narcissistic Cyberpath? Expect the SAME treatment as well as a full-tilt hate & smear-campaign!)
"His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted."
Narcissists
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/ she/ they/ YOU are the problem!
He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."
For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow).
It can't be THEIR fault - THEY are perfect.
The narcissist says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."
EOPC is loaded with examples of this, here's our sampling:
(scroll over content to find embedded links)
BRAD DORSKY - According to him his victim supposedly 'led him on.' Dorsky not only tried to rage at his victim, he sent a "friend" to EOPC to find out who exposed him.
Obviously, DORSKY thought we were a bunch of barely legal kids on a social networking site; his favorite sort of target!
Dorsky said the relationship was 'consensual.' This is a common one! A relationship can not possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.
- Lying to her
- Telling her she's the only one
- Playing mind games with her
- Moving in on her when she & her husband/ partner/ family are having a hard time
- Moving in when she's vulnerable
- Having a 'hidden agenda'
...does not make for consensual.
It does make for predatory exploitation!
It does make for predatory exploitation!
CHARLES "ED" HICKS aka CHARLES GREENE - This guy's a piece of work. Said in court, to a judge, after 2 of his 7 known wives were questioned and hard, clear legal documentation was researched and presented by an Assistant D.A.: "It's false, all false." Guess that orange jumpsuit should have been a straightjacket.
Has recently gone back on dating sites under various nicknames using CHARLES HICKS or CHARLES GREENE to try to defuse people googling ED HICKS and finding out he's the 'Dr. Phil Bigamist.'
Tells people he's retired from a government job (he was fired and his security clearance revoked).
Additionally is not always honest about his criminal record on the numerous dating sites he's on now. This includes his using new names or versions of names on the dating sites.
On the Dating Sites he states his age as 56 LOL! (Shaves off about 9+ years)
(Here's the best one EOPC's heard!) Rumor has it that HICKS tells new prey he is shopping for a publisher for his book where he will tell the truth (he means his version of it a.k.a. complete fiction) and show how two of his wives 'set him up just to get on T.V. (EOPC is sure they had a great time telling the world how naive & used they were by Mr. Hicks) and have lied about him as well as them being 'mean' to his children (a.k.a. feeding, clothing, housing and taking care of his kids during their marriages while these kids sponged everything they could off them and various girlfriends of Mr. Hicks' simultaneously - just like Daddy!).
Additionally he says he plans to 'take legal action" against the producers of "Dr. Phil" and the WE show VERY BAD MEN who profiled him and showed him a bad light and ruined his good name!
Good luck with that, Mr. Hicks... Maybe now that O.J.'s in jail Hicks can help keep on looking for that illusive "real killer."
WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER - back in jail after leaving the State in which he was incarcerated without permission and found having a false Social Security Card & Number and falsified identity papers on him. (After his wives and victims repeatedly told probation officers he would do it again and he was let out of jail early anyway!)..
BARBER was also profiled on the WE show VERY BAD MEN. He was released October 2007 so be careful! Spread the word about this serial predator! Don't you think these people would be thrilled they are so famous?
Jeff Dunetz/ YIDWITHLID - Where to begin with this one?
1. EOPC ran his expose for the third time in June 2007. This time he became of aware of it and he attacked one of his victims as the sole person causing him "public embarrassment." He gave no acknowledgment that his real name and location were not used by us on this site, at this same victim's request.
No mention that his new nickname and website are now linked to yet another 'false personna and location' made up by him.
No thank you for the consideration one of the victims he decided to bully showed his family. Typical of the backwards reactions of pathological persons!
2. Sammy Benoit/ Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid blames just one person for all the postings about him despite her trying to get them taken down in March of 2007. (Now which one of EOPC's victims really controls the internet? All our Cyberpaths swear its THEIR victim!)
Note: SHE WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO HAD POSTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
All Cyberpaths have this "because THEY say it's so - has to be REALITY!" trait... please re-read the paragraph at the top of this article for our take on this pervasive trait of Cyberpaths
IF she (or anyone) had done something that heinous and he has hard proof -- Why isn't she in jail or doing community service? Why hasn't he sued her? (Our guess? Because then the REAL TRUTH about him and his escapades would come out!)
3. Dunetz swears it was 'consensual', but also neglects to mention that none of his targets knew they:
- had online casual sex partner-wanted ads since 2000 (he started up with the first victim we know of in 2002)
- downloaded one of his victims AOL buddy list and sent filthy messages to all the females on it - all of them on file with NYPDCI and the FBI
- was seeing sexual escorts at brothels (two brothels are now closed in part to him threatening this same victim, her going to the police and the police finding out that he was posting online about his exploits at this brothel. [By the way, Yidwithlid -- this Madam is BACK IN BUSINESS! But you probably know that already] Good going, Jeff Dunetz / YidwithLid!)
- the police reverse traced his computer to be full of porn and his credit cards traced back to phone sex lines from 1999/ 2000. He got rid of that computer as soon as possible and has had a series of laptops since then.
-----------------------
- Did any of his targets know this?
- Did he tell any of his targets he was lying and it was 'just a game' to him?
- Did his targets know he was playing with their emotions, trust & using them for freebies?
- Did we mention he's tried to erase it all and say it never existed or was planted? (His excuse is that its "hurting his wife" - since he was doing this since 1999; according to police - why didn't he think about that the years PRIOR to victimizing these women?)
- And what do these targets have to do with HIS sex addiction?
Again -
A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.
- Lying,
- telling her she's the only one and you've never done this before,
- playing mind games with her,
- moving in quickly on her when she & her husband/ partner are separating,
- not supporting her when her husband/partner finds out about their online affair and abuses her worse,
- knowing she's mentally & emotionally vulnerable,
- as well as having a 'hidden agenda' does not make for consensual.
It makes for predatory exploitation.
According to these predators their victims aren't allowed be hurt, complain or look for support either. And they just deny, deny, deny. How's that for 'nice guys'?
DOUG BECKSTEAD - an "investigator" from the Air Force Base which Beckstead's associated wrote us and subsequently one of his victims trying to find out who she was, get her to phone them, etc etc. How much should we bet that it was one of Beckstead's buddies trying to be sure which of his online victims blew the whistle on his online predation so Beckstead could attack her?
Beckstead came here and ALSO tried to say it was "all a game" and his victims "knew what they were getting into." Incredible gall, but familiar. Again, Beckstead neglects to factor in that:
- Lying,
- telling her she's the only one,
- playing mind games with her, moving in on her when she & her husband are having problems,
- lying to other targets about your numerous online affairs & porn addiction,
- while knowing she's emotionally vulnerable,
- as well as having a 'hidden agenda'
DOES NOT MAKE FOR CONSENSUAL.
IT DOES MAKE FOR PREDATORY EXPLOITATION.
IT DOES MAKE FOR PREDATORY EXPLOITATION.
Again:
A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.
Guess what! Beckstead was mentioned in the same Air Force Base's newspaper so - he must have been looking to clean up his image before they added to his overblown ego. Rumor has it he's got another victim 'on the hook' already. Watch out, he likes to portray those used-up sources of his as MENTALLY ILL - when in fact these cyberpaths appear to be the ones with 'mental issues.'
He's even tried to tell people that her exposure of him only HELPED HIM... and hurt his victims! LOL - too much protesting, huh? Don't we already know what he's telling his latest victim?
All the stuff he's posted (and continues to post) all over the web - trying to drown out the truth and glorify his 'reputation' when he's really a predator!
JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN? Just look at her interview. That says it all about how 'innocent' she considers herself after meeting men online and marrying them without even meeting them in person, among other things.
Completely nuts and a serial predator!
PHIL HABERMAN - click here for an update on this story. Haberman continues to use the legal system against ANYONE who has his number and speaks out about it.
UPDATE: LORI DREW - the real "Josh Evans" and Tormentor of the Late Megan Meier - who not only sued the Meiers for a destroyed foosball table but when she ran into the Meiers told them to "give it a rest" about her CAUSING Megan's suicide. Sick beyond belief. Convicted on 3 misdemeanor counts, may face civil action.
DAN JACOBY - turns to his "old standby" of smearing his victim, saying she's 'crazy' and doesn't have the "love of God in her heart." Of course he owes his victim money for things she bought him (he told her he was divorced and broke - NOT!).
Jacoby? Mr. Nice Guy? 1. Well turns out this predator took webshots of his victims during chat sessions without telling them and threatens to post them online if they expose him. Then he changed and scrubbed everything and went to the police to say his victim was "harassing" him. Why would you need to do that Dan, if you were HONEST?
Guess what? These women LOVED you and you can't do anything wrong if you love someone. The scumbag liar? is YOU! Besides what kind of sicko-perv picks on vulnerable women trying to recover from prescription drugs??
The two things all our predators seem to universally hate:
1. being called an abuserOuch!! -- yet their victims are not allowed to feel hurt or pain? That's the cyberpath's sociopathic self - the real self with no empathy - coming out.
2. being called a PREDATOR
Do you think that when these predators behind a keyboard find out they are wrong about their assumptions they apology to us or their victims? go ahead and guess!
The "scorned woman" defense. The "they are lying/ making it all up/ obsessed with me/ stalkers/ just jealous/ never happened" defense. The "she had it coming" excuse!
You name it - you'll hear it with these people. Unfortunately sometimes their families or friends still believe them. Until its too late and they are caught doing it again.
Do we see a pattern here? As it says above: IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT. MUST BE THE INVISIBLE PERSON OR THEIR VICTIM! NEVER THEM!
By the way, any Cyberpath who wants to write a full and accurate confession as well as an open, honest apology to any of the victims they have hurt, caused emotional & mental trauma, forced into counseling, caused rifts in their families, raged at, used and abused... we would be more than happy to publish it for you and see to it your victims get a copy of your healing words as well.
They count on the victim being unable to think straight, they look for the injured and vulnerable. My psycho claimed not to notice an obvious, serious physical disability...when questioned he said: I thought it was temporary. That was akin to denying you missed the fact someone has no legs.
ReplyDeleteThat fact alone makes my stomach lurch, I was the equivalent of dinner to them.
Interesting readings this week! Once again something from this post leaped out and said THAT'S THE GUY! once again. In the part about Ed Hicks claiming to be "retired" -- My own sociopath/narcissist likewise has fabricated a myth that he retired from the job we both worked together. I've heard him tell people on several occasions when the ask what he's doing with himself, "Oh I'm retired, all those business responsibilities just burned me out."
ReplyDeleteNO, he was FIRED for childishly staying on vacation for an extra weekend beyond what had been scheduled without notifying management, who terminated him when he showed up for work the following Tuesday. He then collected unemployment for 18 months, got used to it, and hasn't worked a day in his life since. The two unfortunates who kicked him loose endured years of abuse & harassment from the guy before the firm withdrew from this city. He allegedly sat on a lawn chair next to a cooler in the parking lot hurling verbal abuse as the last store was closed down though I seriously doubts the coward has the guts to do anything like that.
Phone harassment is his chosen format, as well as anonymously mailed postcards with typewriter generated abuse/threats/slander/lies/etc. I always wondered why the guy kept an old fashioned typewriter handy, and only recently realized that it was so he could type out anonymous messages.
I will also post to that thread but the Trauma Bonding article got to me too. Yeah, there's been a lot of trauma bonding over the years. "After all we've been through together ..." is one of his favorite opening salvos to try and get you to do something you don't want & have no business doing. The only reason we went through anything at all is because he made it happen to try and create traumatic moments that would forge lasting bonds. Shudder.