HOW NOT TO BE STALKED

Many cyberpaths may have personality disorders. Destructive Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sociopathy, etc.

The article below is on how to AVOID being stalked... it deals with a lot of real life relationships but can be easily extrapolated to deal with online relationships as well. Cyberpaths tend to have very poor impulse control and be obsessive, or addictive personalities as well. - EOPC

By Tim Pheil L.P.N.

This article is for those who may be in relationship with an obsessive person. Many times those with disorders become involved with those who also suffer. We have had marriages thru our chat room. We have also had bad relationships that ended in stalking, even across continents.
Lets face it, for every marriage there are 10 failed relationships. And those who suffer from the BPD (like myself) can obsess about relationships. As a sufferer I know the best thing you can do is learn to accept the end of a relationship and let go.

I will use myself as an example. Because of the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and sites like www.nonbpd.org . Some may find this to be “anti-BPD” but I am living nightmare these resource's talk about.
I’ll go in to my story and then finish with the Do's and Don’ts of an successful break–up with an obsessive person whether they suffer from the BPD or not.
One of the biggest factors of deterring whether a relationship is over is abuse. Physical, Mental or Emotional. I know that as an untreated sufferer can be very verbally abusive when dysporic. But you need to know what your limits are. After coming from a physically abusive relationship, I knew my breaking point was physical abuse.

Unfortunately I let my SO (Significant Other) because of more advance degree believe after 1st incident was that physical violence was a part of a normal relationship, thus I never called the police the first time. The second time I did. Unfortunately nothing was done, probably because after learning the abuser was a mental health consumer (despite fully acknowledging that she had used violence) nothing was done because they didn’t want to spend the night in the ER waiting for mental health to come take over. There was already a precedent of them being called to take this person to the Crisis Center for violence against objects (furniture).
A counselor at Mental Health suggested if the abuse got to bad that I should call relatives to see if they could help. So the mourning after the incident I called my daughter. But It was going to be 5 days till she could come get me. So I placated my SO. MY SO decided to go to her relatives in a near by town 3 days later. I called my daughter. Even after working 8 hrs she drove 4 hrs down to get me. As per instructed by the resources I had notified the local police that I was leaving and that there may be trouble and had programmed 911 into speed dial on the phone. Unfortunately she came home 2 hrs before my daughter got there. I had to do some really fast-talking to leave. I let my daughter know she was there and she drove as fast as she could fearing for my safety.

I took only what I prized most (computers). I made sure that everything was still working when I left (Telephone, Internet, Etc). I left everything else. Remember it's only things.
After moving I tried to keep working with her on the site but her decision was to start her own. After numerous phone calls, obscene messages on my answering machine and horrid emails I did as instructed and got a restraining order and changed my phone number. I though everything was fine till I learned she had simply changed her targets by harassing those who volunteer for the sanctuary (sending up to 10 emails a day) and even to those who followed her to her new site. Also the smear program toward me had started.
Some one had described the smear campaign as akin to the “I hate you, Don’t leave me” scenario. It becomes “if I can’t have you, no one can” to “I’ll make sure no one will want you because of the smear campaign."
Unfortunately when she was served the restraining order they gave her the police copy.

The one that says “Do Not Give to Respondent”. So we’ve moved. Changed both our phone number and my cell number.

I say we because after being here a short while my daughter introduced me to a wonderful woman whom I married.

Recently my ex sent me 4 emails despite the restraining order. The sheriffs Dept. came out and collected them. After reading them the deputy noticed one threatening to harass my fiancée at her job. He advised me to back to court and had me take the original restraining order. This I did, another long day in court. She learned of my wife's work place from our engagement and wedding announcements in our local newspaper. The local DA has received the incidents and will issue warrants which will then be transferred to the state and city where she resides. 4 emails equals 4 violations. So now its not a matter of if she's going to jail, but when. We did take precautions at our wedding.
My ex has since been to court twice having to go 200 miles to do so. She is on severe probation and will automatically go to jail for 1 year if she contacts me again.



Dos and Don'ts

• Don’t have joint checking, credit cards, or vehicles with someone you’re not married to.
• Do let your bank, electric, gas, insurance and phone companies know you just had a nasty break-up and password protect your accounts.
• Do, if you rent, get renters insurance.
• Do get a P.O. Box for your mail.
• Do reformat your computer if you leave it at the end of a relationship, especially if you use online services.
• Do change all your passwords to all the services you use on and offline and have them sent to a secure email.
• Do expect a smear campaign against you to all your joint friends and acquaintances. What will be told will not be the truth, but what will get your ex-partner the most sympathy towards them and hatred towards you.
• Do let your employer and friends and family know you expect it.
• Do expect the unexpected.

Restraining Orders 101

• Do call your local court and get the needed paper work filed out before going to court.
• Do take any evidence of harassment with you to court.
• Do expect to have to come back to court get a permanent restraining order.
• Do expect to have to file multiple restraining orders if others are involved. In some states you can get an others added, in most you can get minor children added.
• Do expect to wait in court.
• Do get caller id on your phone.
• Do make sure your phone number is unlisted if you change phone numbers.
• Do remember any contact whether you receive it or not constitutes a violation. In my case 4 emails equals 4 violations. Even if you don’t pick up the phone and the caller IDs them the respondent is in violation.
• Do call your local Police Dept or Sheriffs for any violation.
• Do call your local Police Dept or Sheriffs if the respondent tries to use a 3rd party to convey messages or threats to you.
• Do remember the laws are there to protect you, not your tormentor.

ARTICLE FROM THIS SITE

STALKING VICTIMS SANCTUARY - CLICK HERE
CYBERSTALKING: Obsessional Pursuit


EOPC cannot and does not intervene if you are cyberstalked or cyberharassed. We can only help you tell your story. For help please contact one of the other organizations listed.