1. Security first.
Until you know that you know that you know that your partner is not the type to harass you or even stalk you if the worst happens, it is wise to limit the personal information that you supply. Maintain a certain degree of anonymity until you are well prepared to release it. Ways of know how 'psycho' your partner can get include listening carefully to the way they discuss their past relationships. People often repeat their behavioural patterns, so (for example) if a guy keeps dumping on his ex-wife, there is a relatively high chance that he'll turn on you too should anything happen. Also, look out for people who are quite obsessed about their ex-partner and quickly forget that person exists as soon as you come on the scene. A bit of foresight now could save a lot of psychologists bills further down the line.
Checklist:
Send emails through a free email service such as hotmail, yahoo or myownemail.com and don't use any 'real details.
Keep surnames, phone numbers and addresses private until you are sure.
2. Honesty
Without direct honesty up front, your internet romance is in trouble straight off. Don't lie or exaggerate now, only to be found out and looking like a fool. Both people get ripped off when you're not honest. Honesty is the number one requirement for any internet romance. You may be surprised that your partner loves you just how you are.
Current photos definitely need to be exchanged. Try to get that done as soon as possible. For more information on how to do this, click here.
Checklist:
Any secrets? Spill your guts now!
Current photos are best exchanged as soon as possible.
3. Are you the only one?
Let me firstly say that if you are involved in a 'real-life' relationship as well as having an Internet Romance, I have no desire to share my thoughts with you. Infidelity is infidelity and I refuse to support such behaviour.
One of the drawbacks of Internet Relationships is that it is possible to have numerous romances simultaneously without the recipients being any the wiser. Unfortunately, the internet offers the perfect environment for such people.
Checklist:
Ask for his/her home phone number (and ring it!). A user is often reluctant to give our their home phone number.
Some guys/girls are quite happy to offer references from other people to verify their integrity.
Be always on the lookout for emails that are quite generalised in their content. You may not be the only one being 'bulk-mailed'.
Background checks...
Datesmart.com - a quite cheap and effective service that is designed for people in relationships.
You can do it yourself and investigate anyone using Cyber Detective.
(Google or Surf on their name & nickname(s) - read all the pages!! you will be surprised what you may find on page 32 - Fighter)
4. Email Relationships (This section by Carol Fields)
The fact that an e-mailer is just looking at a computer screen, with no voice, animation or even handwriting to connect him/her to a real person, means that they are already in a fantasy-like situation. Their defences and inhibitions drop, they can assume personal characteristics that they would never exhibit in real life. This is not the real world, but many people don't see the difference.
I think women, as opposed to men, are much more affected by the written word. Men have a tendency to be more visual and look at pictures (hence Playboy Magazine, Hustler etc.). So women can much more easily become prey to a man who is just a slick writer. Women need to be very very careful before they loose their hearts over the written words on a screen. Our local psychologist's office says his business is booming with them.
The original article can be viewed HERE
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